Original subtitles

Sarge, I still don't see

what good this goat is gonna be for us.

Agarn, according to Army regulations,

F Troop is allowed a mascot.

Right? Right.

Which entitles us to an annual allowance of $100.

Right? Right.

Now, how much it gonna cost for a meal for a goat?

I don't know, are you a big tipper?

Ugh. Agarn.

You know, sarge, it is a good idea.

A very good idea.

I thought you'd think so.

I don't know why they say you're dumb.

We can feed her with leftovers from the mess.

Or if she's fussy, tin cans.

It's a small income but a steady one.

Just another branch

of growing O'Rourke Enterprises.

Here, put her in line.

Sarge. What?

Who says I'm dumb?

Hey, Duffy.

What do you think of our new mascot?

Huh.

You call that a mascot?

When I was at the Alamo, we thought big, son.

We wanted to get an elephant for a mascot.

An elephant? You're dang tootin'.

We wanted someone who would remember the Alamo.

Troop, heave hut!

Sergeant.

Gentlemen!

We have been given an assignment

by the War Department.

A new explosive has been developed.

It's called... Uh... Uh, "dynamite."

It is 50 times more powerful than gunpowder.

A shipment of dynamite will arrive soon

with instructions for its use.

Now, are there any questions?

Yes?

Sergeant, what is that goat doing here?

Why, that's our new mascot, captain.

Yes, that goat represents the strength and the courage

of the men of F Troop.

Her name is Miss Gwendoline. Yeah.

Milton, we got an emergency on our hands.

Oh, what's the emergency?

An Army freight wagon just broke down

in front of the saloon.

It's got "caution" and "danger" written all over it.

Oh, no, no, no.

That's just the dynamite we've been expecting.

There... There's no emergency.

Well, this emergency's just emerging.

Do you know who the driver is?

No, who?

Private Leonard W. Starr.

Oh, no!

Wrongo Starr! The jinx is back!

Nonsense, corporal. There's no such thing as a jinx.

Captain, that man can't make a move

without everything going wrong.

And how can you forget what happened

when he was here last year?

And we were warned about him, remember?

Well, that's why they call me Wrongo.

Everywhere I go, things go wrong.

Well, I hope not.

Knock on wood.

And the time I took him up

to the Hekawi camp.

He almost started

a major war with them single-handed.

And the time he walked by our cannon

and blew up our N.C.O. Club?

I tell you, captain,

that little man is big trouble.

Oh, hi, fellows. Hi... Hey! Hey, watch it!

Dobbs, get something and prop up that axle.

Here.

Ah, ha, ha.

Well... Welcome back to Fort Courage,

Private Starr.

Did you have a safe journey? Oh, yes, captain.

But I was still panicky every second of the time.

Panicky? Why?

'Cause I was around.

Oh, now, Wrong... Or Leonard, you can't...

No, sir, it's true.

I'm just nothin' but trouble.

Fellows, I'm sure glad you're here,

'cause I wanna apologize.

I'm very sorry it happened.

Sorry what happened?

Well, that's just it. I don't know yet.

Private Starr, you're just going

to have to convince yourself

that all these unfortunate things

that have happened are just coincidence,

nothing more, all right?

Good. Now, how was your last assignment?

It was kinda short, sir.

You see, I was assigned to General Custer...

Oh, yeah. Yes, yes, yeah.

That's all in the past.

All right, men, let's get to work.

Sergeant, unload the explosives.

All right.

Agarn, unload the explosives.

Dobbs, unload the explosives.

Oh, I'll unload the explosives, fellas...

Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no!

You stay with the captain.

Men, men, men.

That would be quite enough.

Now, Private Starr's capable of helping out.

Dobbs, you and Private Starr begin unloading the explosives.

Be careful.

Uh, no, no, no, no, no.

I'll give you these. Let me hold...

Sarge, we can't go on like this.

We need help. I... I...

Like a good luck charm or something.

I... Um...

Good luck charm? Sure.

We have all kinds.

Genuine Indian good luck charms.

Made by all kinds of genuine Indians.

And with each and every charm goes a valuable price.

This charm.

It protects you from drought.

This charm.

It protects you from flood.

Ah, this charm.

It protects you from famine.

What's that one made of? Sugar.

We used to have another one.

A charm that protects you from fire.

But it's not here.

Did it get sold?

It got burned.

Well, is that all

the good luck charms you got?

These are all the good luck charms,

but we got some bad luck charms.

Now, why would anybody wanna buy a bad luck charm?

They're cheaper.

Well, you better come up

with some strong magic, and pretty quick.

We need real protection from this Wrongo Starr.

Maybe the medicine man could do a dance or something

to ward off evil spirits.

Oh, no. Hekawis not go in for that sort of thing.

We not superstitious.

Knock wood.

If you're not superstitious,

how come Crazy Cat

was doing a sun dance last week?

That not sun dance.

That was rehearsal for sad, sad day

when Wild Eagle take leave of our tribe,

say goodbye to earthly possessions,

and go to happy hunting ground in the sky.

You mean when he dies?

Well, if you wanna get crude about it.

If you not want funeral yourself, Crazy Cat,

you better stop rehearsing my funeral!

Sorry, the show must go on.

Wait a minute. Wait. Halt, halt, halt, halt.

Come here. Now, now, now, now.

You guys nuts or something?

Acting like a couple of wild Indians.

Yeah, we're in real trouble.

If we don't get that jinx busted,

O'Rourke Enterprises will be out of business in a month.

And if we're out of business, you're out of business.

Haven't you got a... A ceremonial dance?

Anything?

Yes, if you really want, we have many dances.

Dances to bring crops, dances to bring rain,

to break bad luck spell.

Stop right there.

That's the one we want.

Summon braves. Start to dance.

You gonna join us?

No thanks. Me sit this one out.

Pa-ra-pa-pa!

Oh, isn't that wonderful, Agarn?

Look, they got dances for everything.

Dances to bring crops, dances to break a bad jinx,

dances for rain.

Too bad they don't know which dance is for what!

"And on May 13, F Troop will use the dynamite

"to blow up that section of the mountain

"known as Canyon Trail,

"since the trail has been the route

"taken by roving bands of hostile Apache Indians

while assaulting passing wagon trains."

Now, men, we're dealing with dangerous explosives here.

So let's do the job right,

or this whole thing could blow up in our faces.

It's good to face danger with a laugh, isn't it, men?

Private Starr, since you brought

the explosives here to Fort Courage,

I'm assigning you to guard them as well.

Oh, but captain, everybody knows he's a...

Corporal, not another word.

A jinx.

You can make your quarters in the guard house.

We'll use it as an ammunition shed.

Now remember, I'm trusting you

to see that nothing happens to that dynamite until Friday.

All right, men. Dismissed.

Well, hi, Miss Gwendoline.

You all alone too, huh?

Oh, poor little thing. Tell you what.

You come along with me to the ammunition shed,

and we'll have a good talk, friend to friend.

Don't look like I have too many friends here

around the Fort.

But once, I had a friend. A good friend.

And he wasn't afraid I'd jinx him.

No, sir.

And boy, did we have fun together.

Rebuilding his house when it burned down...

Replanting his crops when the blight killed 'em...

Repairing his barn when the lightning struck it...

And visiting the doctor when he broke his leg

from the horse running over him the second time.

Milton, you're not listening to a word I'm sayin'.

Uh, Janey, please. Not now.

I'm trying to figure out a way

to break this jinx situation.

Well, you know what I think?

I think what's causing it all is Wrongo's lack of confidence.

Mmm.

See, he keeps having accidents because he's unsure of himself.

He doesn't believe in himself.

Just a case of lack of confidence, that's all. We...

Wilton, you're not listening to a word I'm sayin'.

Janey, I've got it. I've got it.

He lacks confidence.

Now, how did you ever think of that?

Now, listen. Listen to this.

"When an individual lacks confidence in himself,

"he often behaves in a bumbling manner

which may lead to mishaps and misadventures."

That describes Private Starr perfectly.

He has a lack of confidence,

and I'm going to do something about it.

What do you think, Jane?

I think you're just about the smartest man

in the whole world.

And sending for help when his canoe capsized,

and buyin' new cattle when the plague killed his herd.

Now, Miss Gwendoline,

don't go gnawing in them crates no more.

Believe me, that stuff could give you the cramps.

Captain, I'm sorry.

Miss Gwendoline dashed out before I could stop her.

Are you all right?

I'm fine. I'm... Fine.

I... I'm sorry.

It just seems wherever I go, I'm fated to cause bad luck.

Oh, now, Leonard.

No, it's true.

It's been this way all my life.

You see, at an early age, a black cat crossed my path.

Well, th... That's nothing.

Everybody's had a black cat cross their path.

In the delivery room?

Uh, well, now.

Shall we go inside where we can talk privately?

I have a task for you, and I'm sure you can do it.

A task? What is it, captain? Shhh.

Captain, I have something to report. Oh?

Private Starr has finally done something

to help the troop.

Oh, what's that, corporal? He deserted.

Oh, no, he's done nothing of the sort.

I... I assigned him a special secret project

that will prove once and for all

that he is not the bringer of bad luck.

What project is that, sir?

All I'll tell you is that I've given Private Starr

the opportunity he needs to convince himself and you

that he is just an ordinary soldier

like the rest of the troop.

And we'll leave the rest up to him.

Uh, yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Oh, and sergeant, I want you and Cpl. Agarn

to keep an eye out on the ammunition shed.

I don't want any unlucky accidents

to happen before we blow up the canyon.

Uh, when is that planned for, sir?

This Friday. Oh, hm.

Sarge. What?

You know what the date is this Friday?

What is it? It's Friday the 13th.

Yeah, now, don't panic, man.

Hey, have you seen Miss Gwendoline?

No, I haven't.

Hey, Duffy, have you seen the troop mascot?

Yeah, she's with Wrongo in the ammunition shed.

Leastwise, that's where they were a while ago.

Thanks, Duff.

I'll tell you one thing.

At the Alamo, we'd never let a goat wander around...

All right, all right, I know about the Alamo.

Thank you very much, Duffy, goodbye.

Ah, so that's where Miss Gwendoline is.

In the ammunition shed with Wrongo Starr.

It's hard luck and trouble, sarge...

Hey, don't tense up! Don't tense up.

Why would I tense up?

Just because that accident-prone person

is cooped up in the ammunition shed

with a goat, surrounded on all sides,

50, 60 tons of high explosive dynamite?

Tense up?

Ah!

Come on with me.

Hey!

Agarn!

There's a whole box of dynamite missing.

Well, so what? It ain't that expensive.

That goat, she must have eaten it.

Eaten the dynamite? Yeah.

This place is a powder keg, I tell you.

We gotta make sure that four-legged bomb

don't get back in here.

Well, don't worry, sarge.

The way that goat was running,

by now she'll be

miles and miles away from here.

Dear occupant... Chief Wild Eagle dying...

Hey, Agarn.

Smoke signal from the Hekawi camp.

What's it say?

Dear occupant... Uh, Chief Wild Eagle die...

Dying?!

Sarge! Miss Gwendoline.

She exploded!

Wait a minute, there's more.

You are cordially invited to attend funeral.

Gotta go now.

The blanket's burning.

We gotta go up there, Agarn. This is a disaster.

You're right, a disaster. I can't believe it.

Chief Wild Eagle dying.

He was always a good, honest man,

a true, loyal friend, and a devout crook.

And to my cousin, Sitting Duck,

I leave my best bow and arrow,

in hopes that he learn to be as strong as an ox,

as wise as an owl,

as sly as a fox, as swift as a deer...

Uh, look, chief, will you talk a little slower,

or die a little faster?

Quiet, me not want to rush into this.

Well, get to the important part.

Uh, to the new Hekawi chief, whoever he may be,

whoever may be chosen,

you leave me a teepee filled...

Not so fast. Me not dead yet.

Hmm... Oh, almost forget.

After me die, me want great ceremony.

Many braves, many squaws, many gifts.

You make big mistake, chief.

Small ceremony much nicer.

Me not want that.

Okay, it's your funeral.

Ah, Miss Gwendoline.

She didn't blow the place up.

Listen, chief, you gotta get rid of that goat.

You're life is in jeopardy.

I know, but it too late to help.

Superstition just about to come true.

Superstition?

It is written that when white goat

enter Hekawi camp during rainy season,

the chief will die.

That's the superstition.

Thought you told me you weren't superstitious.

Yes, but one of our superstitions

is to lie a lot.

Agarn, that goat is a walking around powder keg.

- Get her out of here. - Oh, but sarge...

You heard me. Get rid of her.

That's an order. And be careful.

She might blow up any minute.

Gwendoline, sweet.

Gwendoline, you gotta come with me, sweetheart.

This ain't my idea.

See? I'm only a corporal.

The sarge has got three stripes,

and what he says goes.

And you can have anything you want.

Roses, grass, tin cans.

Anything, all the goodies of life.

You just come...

Don't look at me with those cow eyes.

I can't...

War dance at the Canyon Trail!

Apache on warpath!

Did you hear that, sweetheart? Apaches!

Agarn, let's alert the fort.

Those Apaches are trouble.

But, sarge, what about Miss Gwendoline?

Never mind Miss Gwendoline.

Chief, you better hurry up and die,

or you might get killed.

Captain, the Apaches are on the warpath

at Canyon Trail.

What? Did you say Canyon Trail, sergeant?

Apaches, yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Well, that's where Private Starr is right now.

Oh, no, captain, what's he doing out there?!

That was his secret assignment.

To plant the dynamite at Canyon Trail.

You mean to tell me that he's up there all alone?

Yes.

Oh, this is a frightening situation, sergeant.

An entire tribe of hostile Indians, with their...

Their warriors and their weapons

and their native cunning, all pitted against one man.

Private Leonard W. Starr.

Yeah. Oh!

Oh, them poor Indians.

They won't stand a chance.

Quiet, corporal.

Private Starr needs our help immediately..

Sergeant, assemble the troop.

Yes, sir.

Hey, Miss Gwendoline. It's nice to see you.

But you shouldn't be here, it's dangerous.

I gotta plant the dynamite

for the troop to set off tomorrow.

I'm still glad you're here though.

I was getting kinda nervous.

This is an important assignment,

and I owe it to the troop to do well.

They're a nice bunch of fellows.

They're the nicest bunch of fellows

I ever been avoided by.

Well, come on.

Let's get going.

All right, men, we'll stop here.

Now, we have to locate Private Starr quickly.

Do any of you have any idea

in which direction he might have gone?

I think I can help, sir.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Mm-hm!

He went that way, sir.

Excellent, corporal. How can you tell that?

Well, first, sir, fresh hoof marks on the trail.

Uh-huh.

Second, sir, the grass points that way.

And third, sir, I found his neckerchief.

What's that?

War drums.

War drums?

Couldn't they be very loud peace drums?

Now, now, calm yourself, corporal.

Times like these, I always remember what my uncle,

General Lucius Parmenter, used to say:

"If a man lives life with a brave heart,

"a strong will, and a valiant soul,

why, a man could live forever."

Well, sir, how can you remember each word so exactly?

Oh, it's on his tombstone.

There's no time to waste. Move out!

There, Miss Gwendoline.

That's the last of the dynamite.

Now all we have to do

is wait for the rest of the troop.

Huh?

They're down there, men!

Charge! Hyah!

Come on, Miss Gwendoline, let's get out of here.

Well, looks like that's the end of the Apaches, captain.

And of Private Starr too, I'm afraid.

Poor little guy.

He was kinda nice to be around...

from far away.

Private Leonard W. Starr.

Scorned in life, but honored in death.

Honored in death.

Too bad he's not alive to... To hear it.

Gentlemen, may I suggest we all pause

for one minute of silence

in memory of Private Starr.

Captain?

One minute of silence, please.

Shhh.

Wrongo, you're alive.

Yeah, I've always been.

But the explosion! Oh, I...

I know you guys wanted to set it off tomorrow, but I...

But you took it upon yourself to do the task alone.

Not exactly. I...

Oh, no false modesty, please.

You've... You've done an excellent job.

I'm extremely proud of you, private.

Hey, Crazy Cat.

Any word on Wild Eagle? Yes.

Wild Eagle, he recovered.

He in best of health.

He never looked better in his life.

What, that's wonderful!

And you came all the way over here

to tell us the good news?

No. Come to ask favor.

Need get well gift for Wild Eagle.

What do you want?

Him.

Ha, ha!

That's a good girl, Gwendoline.

Now in just one minute,

you are officially gonna be a civilian again.

Sarge, Crazy Cat told me that the funeral

for the Apache chief is tomorrow.

Heh, how do you like

that old superstition coming true?

White goat go to Hekawi camp, Indian chief die.

Which is to...

Good thing for us it wasn't Wild Eagle.

Try telling that to Crazy Cat.

Sorry you're leaving us, private,

but you've done a wonderful job.

I'm proud of you. Oh, thanks, captain.

And thanks for giving me Miss Gwendoline too.

Oh! Leonard, we're gonna miss you.

Oh, me too.

Gee, fellows, I'm sure sorry.

I hope I wasn't too much trouble,

being a jinx and all.

Oh, no, no, no.

Leonard, you are just going to have to remember

that that is all over.

Now, the jinx is broken.

You sure, captain?

I'm positive.