Original subtitles

When I retire, I will reply to every email I've ever flagged.

I will clean up my desktop.

I'll read the 35 years of saved articles on my reading list.

I will finish all those books I started.

I will play the lifetime of computer games I missed out on.

I'll birdwatch.

I'll learn magpies are beautiful but terrifying.

I'll learn the names of trees and know which spring flowers bloom first.

I will swim every morning.

I will learn to play a single piano piece exceptionally well.

Write a devastating yet optimistic piece of poetry.

When I retire, I will get a dog.

I will get a cat.

I will start with a fish.

Maybe, maybe a terrapin.

I will learn how a terrapin is different from a turtle and how that affects my choice.

I will hike.

I will see a point in hiking.

I will know when a walk becomes a hike.

I will get so good at meditation.

I will be so present.

So aggressively present.

Then, I will patch that hole, replace that button.

I will learn how to juggle, not just a three ball cascade, Rubenstein's revenge.

I will organize my digital photos, then my wardrobe, then my drawers, then my pantry, inspired by that book about organizing that I finally read.

I will have to buy so many plastic boxes.

Retired me will have so much money as a result of the pension I haven't yet started.

I will find out what a pension is.

I will order wine by year and specific area of Italy, grazie, but not in an annoying way.

I will learn to like whiskey.

I will get good at saying yes.

I will get better at saying no.

I will cry more.

And less.

When I retire, I will make the perfect meatball and pair it with the 2019 red from Tuscany.

The rain that year.

My God, you can taste it.

I'll smoke weed all day long.

Or try some other drugs.

I'll Google micro dosing and start there.

I will stretch.

I will yoga.

I'll drink eight glasses of water every day.

I'll sleep for eight hours every night.

I will see a play.

I will see if I like plays.

I'll give back.

I'll know who to give back to and why I want to give back to them more than the others.

I will eat more vegetables.

I will eat more vegetables.

I will grow a vegetable.

I will grow a vegetable.

I will find out what to do with a leek.

I will find out what to do with a leek.

I will find out what a leek looks like.

I'll fight a man.

I'll kill a fish.

I'll drive one of those airport cars.

I'll travel more.

of those airport cars. Nobody's going to stop me. I'll travel more. I'll travel more. I'll travel

more. I'll get a telescope. Get into camping. No! Camping is horrible! I will finally find my

sport. I will paraglide. I will not paraglide. I'll move to a town by the sea.

I've always loved towns by the sea. I'll remember to breathe. I will learn to speak

another language. I will learn to tell people how I feel. I will take better care of myself.

I will take better care of my body. I will take better care of my teeth. I will take better

care of my mind. Meet up with that person. Have that conversation.

I will go to an art gallery. I'll want to be there once I get there. I will completely

nail my final words. I will haunt the absolute shit out of my sixth class enemy, Deirdre Hogan.

I will finally know if you have the time you have and then it ends. Or if there is more

time.

time you have to go.

you