Original subtitles

They do say your wedding day's the happiest day of your life.

Well, yours is going to be quite the opposite.

By which, I mean the worst day of your life.

Why am I talking to a newspaper?

TERRY: This is it, Gemma!

This is it!

Ooh! Ooh, look at it!

SHE EXHALES I know I might not have seemed

as excited as you about this wedding, Terry,

but I think some wee's just come out!

You hold on to that feeling, Gemma.

As soon as you say "I do",

I'm going to spend my whole life making sure

a little bit of wee comes out of you every day. Oh, Terry!

That's so lovely.

WOMEN SHRIEK SHE SHRIEKS

Mum? Monica?

It's my special weekend. Mother of the bride.

THEY SHRIEK

No, it's MY special weekend.

Don't be so ungrateful, Gemma! She gave up her pelvic floor for you.

Show some gratitude.

THEY SHRIEK

Hey, sis.

Oh!

I just feel like on this wonderful day of days,

I have to tell you that

I've got a bit of an ingrown toenail, so I'll probably be

limping you down the aisle a bit.

It's all right. Oh, mwah.

Mwah. Seeing you two get married fills me with joy,

because it means there really is someone out there for everyone,

no matter what your personality defect.

She's right, you know, even you.

On the website, they said they've got an all-day buffet.

That's where I'll be, all day.

You do that, because this weekend,

everything is going to be perfect.

It is. It is going to be perfect.

And I'm going to make it even more perfect.

I've got a special surprise for you inside. Ah, ha!

Ah!

It's like a vision.

Oh, this is so classy. When you see the wild animal theme

I've got planned for the wedding, it'll just...

..class up the classiness. I love it.

See?

Camel. Classy.

Oh!

Now we've got two days of wedding preparations,

endless pampering, the big day itself,

and then on the wedding night, you know, we get to...

Drink until we pass out?

You are so made for me! I know. Ooh!

Time for the surprise! Oh!

Here they are!

Look, I've brought my new boyfriend.

Oh, it's Phil,

the loud hot tub salesman. Hot tub baron, Gemma.

I'm the Alan Sugar of outdoor bathing.

I make all your dreams wet.

And he's brought his children.

Oh, what am I like?

Is the word you're looking for "common"?

GEMMA: It's funny, this, Mum, cos I did say not to invite them,

in about four separate emails.

Doesn't matter because this weekend is going to be perfect.

I've been thinking of how to add an extra layer of perfection

to what could be another drab, ordinary wedding,

and I think I know what that extra layer is.

Phil and I are engaged to be married! Ha-ha!

Oh!

What?! You've only been going out, like, three months.

All happened so fast. We took a cruise together...

..and then he asked me to do something in the bedroom

which I wasn't comfortable with,

so I refused. And out of the blue,

he proposed.

And then she did it. Oh, good God.

I'm picturing it.

Why am I picturing it? It's fine.

It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.

Welcome, everyone.

We're so glad that you're joining us for our special weekend.

Not special, Gemma, classy weekend.

I've got a real live owl.

It's massive. Twoo-twoo. He has.

Is this the happy couple?

Oh, look at them! Nanny? Daddy and Patricia are getting married.

Yet another wife to add to his collection,

and this one smells of chips. Oh.

Lovely!

Feel free to use her if you need her.

Nanny practically raised the kids brilliantly for me.

So if you have any, I'll have her raise yours too.

"Brilliantly", he says.

Bloody charmer, he is!

But he's right. There's more important things you should be

spending your time on than raising your own children.

I've had a word with reception

and I'm treating the girls to a fun dance class

with a West End choreographer. Get the clucking hens

out of the way, so me and the boys

can go paintballing-ga! Yeah, sorry, I was looking forward to

a relaxing hot stone massage-ga!

No, no, no, you're coming paintballing with us.

This guy, hey? This is what he does.

Improving the lives of the little people, yes! That's it, Bob.

See if you can get your tongue further up Dad's backside. Oh!

Shut up, Glen! I'm director of nozzles,

you're just manager of filters, drains and hair strainers.

He's right, Glen, you're a third-wife child. Know your place.

At least my mum loved me, Alex. If Daddy's taught me anything,

it's that loving people is a waste of my time.

Congratulations, though, everybody.

More champagne, on me!

Woo!

Aren't you almost glad your dad died,

so we could have Phil in our lives?

Do you think?

I never think.

That's why I'm happy.

So this is where it all comes to a head.

Beautiful!

POP MUSIC BLARES

THEY CHEER

Mum, you're doing it wrong.

No, I'm improving it.

There's a song inside me, Gemma.

It just doesn't happen to be this song.

As long as you're annoying Gemma,

I'm fully behind you, Patricia.

This is so much fun. It's so tacky and low-rent.

Good, cool down for five.

Wow, so tired.

Can I just say? I'm having such a fun time at my engagement party.

Oh, and of course, your, um,

hen thingy, which is what we're here for. Yes, it is.

And I'm going to make lists of all the dos and, more importantly,

the don'ts for MY big day.

Let's dance! OK, and again, let's go.

POP MUSIC BLARES

PAINTBALLS FIRE

Quick question, why doesn't Bob have a gun? He's a moron.

No! Cos Dad says I haven't earned one yet.

OK? So I distract the other team, while you lot move up.

In a real war, I'd be known as cannon fodder, right? Which you

can't win a war without, so I'm quite essential, actually, Glen!

Yeah. He doesn't have the killer instinct, this one.

Actually, it's something that you'll need to learn, Terry,

if you're going to join the firm. PAINTBALL FIRES

Join the firm? I don't want to be a hot tub salesman.

I'm a coach driver, who doesn't want to be a private investigator.

I couldn't handle another unwanted career.

PAINTBALLS FIRE One quick thing, Dad.

You said Terry's going to be joining the firm, which is great,

but, uh, shouldn't the new CEO, whoever he may be,

um, make decisions on new staff after you've retired?

I've had a rethink about the retirement. I'm going to stay on.

Right, lads, let's paintball.

Bob, sacrifice yourself to distract them.

Yeah, yeah!

Let's go... Daddy!

Here I am! Take my blood!

I volunteer as tribute.

HE GROANS

SQUAWKING

What do you mean, not retiring?

Daddy said he was going to sell up.

No, he's staying on.

We're going to be a power couple.

Gemma, this is our new life.

Dancing like divas, drinking like legends

and sneering at the staff. Enjoy it while you can, Monica.

Daddy's wives don't tend to have an extended shelf life.

I've known avocados last longer.

Oh, don't you worry.

Phil and I will be together until death us do part.

Five, six, seven, eight! Woo! Uh...

Penguin.

Classy.

Also a species that's endangered, so this is a learning moment.

If you'll excuse me,

I took one to the nipple and it's starting to welt.

Dad? Just circling back to the whole you not retiring thing.

I was thinking about all the things I've done for this company.

The forging of the invoices,

that little enforced holibobs at Her Maj's pleasure

for that pesky tax avoidance headache.

So I was hoping, um, that maybe now would be MY time

to sit in the big chair.

Bob, you're a good son,

but by your own admission, you're a convicted criminal.

Can't have a criminal running the firm, can we?

I hate you so much.

If you need me, I'll be in the Presidential Suite,

on top of Patricia.

Oof...

Hey, Terry.

This place is amazing.

That buffet over there, I asked for an egg, they gave me an egg.

I ate it, I went back, said, "Can I have another egg?",

they just gave me another egg.

And it's all for free.

That wedding photographer, you want to bring him in here.

That is something we want to remember forever.

Can I have another egg, please?

Hello.

You lost like me, girls?

Well, I'm looking forward to having you at my wedding.

Maybe you can even be flower girls.

That'll lend the service a certain haunting quality.

Yes, I got your final demand and I will pay it when I get my allowance,

you loathsome little call-centre scrote!

Oh. Hi.

I see you've met the twins.

Little darlings, aren't they?

They're twins, are they?

I was born first.

Yeah, I kind of guessed that.

They're quite a handful.

Fortunately, I don't use my own hands!

THEY LAUGH

I don't know how people do it, kids.

They're almost like little human beings, aren't they?

Are they?

Nanny?

Oh, girls!

Where on earth have you been?!

TOGETHER: Sorry, Nanny.

Nanny, can you give them some love?

I...don't.

Of course I will!

Nanny's nothing but love, isn't she, girls?

TOGETHER: Yes, Nanny. Love, Nanny.

Come on, girls.

PHONE RINGS

Ooh, it's the owl guy!

Hiya...

What do you mean, it's got a crick in its neck?

It's an owl.

It's basically all neck.

Yeah, well, strap it up.

TOOTING

SNORING

SINGING: # Picture me there

# Is your heart filled with pain?

# Shall I come back again?

# Tell me... #

HE SCREAMS

He hasn't said much since I found him.

Can we not just go one bloody day?!

I've got a detailed itinerary for this weekend and dead bodies

aren't on it. Right, calm down, everyone.

It's official, this is now a crime scene.

Looks like murder to me. Murder?!

Do you think?

Oh, my God!

His kids, they'll be heartbroken.

You know what? Somehow, I don't think so.

What, Daddy?! No!

But...if it isn't immediately clear, uh,

he did die under suspicious circumstances,

which could either be murder

or attempted murder,

which went very badly wrong.

Which is also murder.

As a trained police officer,

the little things jump out at you. The guys in filters,

drains and hair strainers are going to take this really hard.

The big guy, gone.

I can't believe it.

Uh, am I free?

I am, aren't I? Yeah?

Free of him. Ha-ha! Woo!

It was only a matter of time, wasn't it?

I mean, his list of enemies is pretty long.

I think we all know who did it, don't we?

I certainly do.

I can't deal with this right now.

I'm starting to feel sympathy for my brothers

and a sense of family bonding. Do you know how much money I've spent

on counselling to get that out of my system?

Look, it's upsetting the twins.

This family needs me now more than ever.

Don't worry, girls.

Nanny's heart is big enough

to take away all your sadness.

Gemma, you can find the killer.

Gemma cannot. Uh... Are you kidding me, Mum?!

No way. It's wedding, remember? Wedding! Phil was my love.

My fiance. Please, Gemma, for me, get me vengeance.

No. I agree with Gemma.

Thank you. For this weekend - yeah? -

there'll be no investigating whatsoev...

It's going to be so exciting, seeing what you do at work.

First, let's speak to Bob. He seemed to have a pretty good idea

who killed his dad, so maybe he knows something.

We'll get this whole thing wrapped up before the first guests arrive

and start being difficult about which table they're sat at!

Yeah.

We're having it noted that I protested this whole investigation.

I mean, I will note it.

But I want the rest of you to know that I'm noting it.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Freddie, will you stop eating?!

We've got Malaga in three weeks.

Think about how you'll look in the pictures.

Don't you dare embarrass... LINE GOES DEAD

Can I have another egg, please?

Hey, look.

My lot have arrived.

Hey! I might have to do a little bit of...

Terry, murders, wedding,

tick-tock, nice frock. Surely we're

allowed to have a little, you know,

measure of enjoyment.

The build-up to the big day. I mean, you know, just, what harm

could one tiny, wincey drink do?

Fine.

One quick drink.

One quick drink. Quick.

SHOUTING: Let's get it on! THEY CHEER

Bob?

Bob? Who bloody grieves on a lake?

And, Terry, that was not a quick drink.

No, but it was a good drink.

I'm happy.

I'm very happy. Cos I'm marrying you.

I think Bob knows something.

Maybe he's the killer.

Bob is a dear, sweet boy, with a very generous heart.

At the same time, I can see him being a cold,

ruthless killing machine, who should be locked away for

the rest of his natural life. Bob!

Bob!

Hi! We've just come to ask you a couple of questions.

Hi.

I know it's a difficult time, Bob, but to be honest,

I'm up against the clock with this whole nuptials thing tomorrow, so...

Bob?

Bob? Bob?

Oh! Argh! Oh!

What you doing?

Looking for clues.

Gemma, he's had his brain removed.

From the looks of it, they've sewn the top of his head back on.

I mean, I'm all for neatness, but that's ridiculous. Ugh!

He's still warm. Ugh!

I think this is the freshest murder we've had.

The killer must still be nearby.

Oh!

Room key.

Let's get investigator-ing.

We'll have this killer caught in about half an hour.

Bye, Bob.

Are there any murderers in here?

If so, we can pop back later.

Come on.

I'm so proud of you, you know? Oh, yeah?

I know you may think that I prefer Monica

because she's better spoken and more beautiful

and I'm nicer to her... That's about it.

..but she couldn't do what you do.

Catching killers, setting up your own business.

Your dad would be so proud of you.

Oh, Mum.

Ooh... Ooh.

What is it?

Let's have a look.

And it's a clue.

Get in, five points to Gemma!

Let's just say three points to Gemma

and two points to Monica, because you know how she gets

when she feels left out.

Oh...my...God.

Glen isn't really Phil's son.

SQUAWKING

Bob's dead as well?! Oh, my God!

God damn it all to hell and back!

Will everyone die today, Nanny?

If they do, can we take pictures?

Look at you two.

So discombobulated.

Let's get chocolate fudge cake for the both of you.

Come on, girls.

Is this his brain at the end of

this fishing wire? I'm afraid so.

So...

..he had one, after all.

Vicky, can you just stay here and just...

Just stay.

Come on, Mum. It's a hotel suite, not a morgue.

Think of it as a morgue, with a mini bar.

PHONE BEEPS Hang on.

Yes!

My oversized Jenga's just come in!

So, Vicky's got a bit of a mardy on,

but she'll be fine.

Right, now, where's this giant...

..Jen...ga?

They weren't kidding.

They said it was oversized.

We can't have this.

There's 80 more in the car park!

The hotel says we've got to shift them. All right, all right.

Come on, come on, come on.

Right, we'll all shift them together, yeah?

Right, fine.

I'll shift it. Terry, we're in the middle of a murder investigation.

Ugh... Mum, all we've done since we've got here

is hunt this bloody murderer.

Something's got to give! I think my wedding is a bit more important

than a few dead, uninvited guests.

HE GRUNTS You wash your mouth out, young lady.

And, fine, if you're giving in,

Monica and I will interview the kids.

They won't stand a chance.

I mean, obviously, I'm heartbroken about your father.

To lose a parent is so awful for you.

But the loss of a lover, especially one who can form a kind of

intense physical connection that I had... Look, I suppose I'll miss him

giving me expensive handbags to shut me up,

but that's about it. Why is it that men feel that

they can just buy you out of a bad mood?

I know. Whether it's real or put on just for the hell of it!

I'm having trouble fathoming why you're talking to me.

I mean, must be very nice for you

to speak to somebody who can enunciate clearly,

but you've met Glen and, yet, you're asking me

if I'm the one with daddy issues.

Oh...

I think Alex is grieving as much as me, Monica. Oh!

Come to me, Alex. Come to Mummy.

I'll give you a cuddle and make everything all right. Touch me,

and I'll pepper-spray you.

Glen did it.

Killed both of them. Bloody obvious, isn't it?

Alex did it. Killed them both. Bloody obvious, isn't it?

Yeah, we've talked to Alex

but, uh, I wanted to come and interview you.

I wondered how it felt when... When the old blood

faded away to allow new blood to flow through

the business like freshly chlorinated water through

a 12-nozzle lower-back jet massager system?

Or when my only rival, the oafish older brother, met his demise?

I'm actually quite chilled about it.

Do you think this interview would go better if my mum left,

and we, say,

ordered a bottle of Pinot Noir?

Made it more...intimate.

Apparently, she's very adept at the physical stuff.

Takes after me, in that regard.

Stop, you're spoiling it.

I've got a clicky hip,

but apart from that, I'm good to go. Let me get a pomegranate

and we'll see who's going to win.

Can I ask you about your fruit intake?

Yeah, first lesson in business school,

assert dominance by appearing uninterested and occupied

with a more important task.

I conduct all of my meetings looking out of windows, eating fruit.

Does it work? It does, yeah.

Yeah, I've got a chauffeur-driven car.

Because I am very good at my job, and because

the constant fruit intake gives me a runny bowel.

Do I apologise? No.

I just crush deals and carry a lot of wet wipes.

Anyway, about that Pinot...

You know what?

I'm good.

Eh, they've closed the all-day buffet, Mam.

Oh. Did you stuff some in your pocket for later,

like you did when you were young? No. I was going to,

but they're about to open the all-night buffet.

Oh, just like when you were a boy!

Stuffing your face to regulate your emotions.

Right, let's chow away these feelings.

Well, I think you're the best giant Jenga mover ever.

So what did you learn?

Well, nothing. Apart from the fact that Glen's taking

his five a day way too far.

Despite achieving nothing,

we were really good at it.

I like this investigating stuff.

Right, I'm calling time on this.

I'm sorry, Mum, I did try to solve the case for you,

but it's wedding day tomorrow.

I don't like failure, but let's just try to enjoy the day.

Yeah? The police will have to deal with it from now on.

Can I just say, Gemma,

you deciding to let the police deal with this for once is just,

it's the best wedding present you could have ever given me.

Oh, thanks. So you're giving up, Gemma?

Just like you did with the cello when you were a young girl.

And the horse riding.

And the battle with your acne.

Gem? Gem-Gem?

Is there any way you could convince my legs to get me up to our bedroom?

Or get our bed to come down and get me?

Wait.

Not tonight. It's bad luck.

Separate beds, remember? I'll just jump in with Monica. OK.

You know, I love the fact that you're sticking to

all the wedding traditions.

See you tomorrow. Mm.

We're getting married! Mm!

Oh... Mwah. Come on, girls.

Woohoo! Woo! Yeah, yeah!

Woo! Hoo!

You crack on and I'll just...

I'll just sit here and catch up on my...

Oh.

It's an elephant.

It'll look really classy in the...backdrop of the...service.

I'm a classy guy.

Mm...

Mm, Gemma.

Mm...

HE MUMBLES

Aren't you beautiful?

OWL SCREECHES

SCREECHING CONTINUES

SHE GRUNTS

PHONE RINGS

How's it going? Really well.

I've just killed their owl. Nice.

Why? It's ominous.

OK.

I'm going to destroy their whole wedding, bit by bit,

before I destroy them. They ruined my life,

and now we're going to ruin theirs.

MUSIC: Call on Me by Eric Prydz

Are you dancing?

Just me, then.

Fine. Just tell me who killed you.

Go on. Tell me.

Oh!

God, you're boring!

Especially you.

Oh, Gemma, look at you.

This is it.

Happiest day of my life.

I never say it because, well, often, it's not true,

but you look amazing.

Oh! Don't cry, Mon.

I'm sad. All right, Gemma?

I'm sad for me.

I want to meet someone.

At first, we flirt, then I start blanking him,

but he's now crazy for me.

We go on a few dates, but no physical contact.

He thinks we're just friends,

then, bang! I hit him with the greatest sex

of his entire life. He tells me he loves me, I say, "That's nice".

I give him more great sex, then tell him it's over.

He gets weird, I get weirder.

The weirdness makes him want me even more.

He starts turning up at the flat at strange hours.

I have to get the police involved. Then two years later,

when he's moved on, I see him with a new girl.

I point out she's very plain and he should be with me.

He dumps her, but I tell him it's not enough and walk off

into the distance. Is that too much to ask, Gemma,

just to have a normal relationship with someone?!

She's just upset, Gemma.

I think it's cos you haven't solved the murders and are, as usual,

putting your own selfish needs first.

Nice try, Mum.

Today...

Today is wedding day.

Of course. How silly of me.

Yes, Mummy. So silly. Mm.

And can I commend you on your strength as well, Gemma?

Oh! Strong, am I? Oh, yes.

I wouldn't have a hint of the bravery you're displaying right now.

Getting married, with all these murders hanging over your head,

unsolved, it'll taint the memory of this day forever.

Will... Will it?

You're right. You're right, Monica.

I wouldn't do it.

But Gemma's made of sterner stuff than you and me.

Because...

..I'd be looking at those photos, in 20 years,

and they'd be steeped in sadness for me.

But not Gemma. No, not Gemma.

Right, then!

Come on. Everyone in the chapel!

I'll sort this! Be with you in a minute.

Just got to wash this face mask off, do my make-up, put my dress on,

then squish my bits around, so they look good in the dress.

Everyone but Terry. It's bad luck for him to see the bride.

Terry as well!

Figure it out!

Unbelievable!

Right, then - everyone, focus.

We're going to do this quickly, then we can crack on with

the nuptials, OK? Yeah, just a quick update before you get started.

Unfortunately, everyone, the crick in the owl's neck

was more serious than we were

led to believe. So, sadly, obviously, we'll be having a service

for the owl after our service.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, here we go. Usual stuff.

I've brought you all here because one of you is the murderer.

Yada, yada, yada. Gone through all the clues

and so on and so forth, and

it's Glen. Excuse me?

Let's look at the facts, Glen. You're...weird.

And there's, like, tons of daddy issues,

so you killed off your dad.

Then, when you found out Bob had done a DNA test

to prove that you weren't actually Phil's real son,

you killed him as well, to cover it up.

It's dead easy. Sorry...

..I'm not Dad's real son?

Er... But he was everything I am. Every atom of my being

is him and wanting to be him.

Oh. Gemma?

Gem?

Gem-Gem?

Over here. Oh.

I'm loving the high energy of your presentation,

but I think you've missed the mark.

Who am I?!

OK, OK, OK. Yeah? I'm just getting warmed up.

So, I can now reveal...

that the murderer is...

..over here. It's Alex. Me?!

Are you an actual idiot?

Oh. Butter wouldn't melt, would it?

All you were interested in were the handbags that Daddy bought you.

But...Alex, sweet, confused,

evil Alex...

..handbags aren't love, are they?

Eh?

And because Daddy wouldn't give you real love,

he had to die, so he couldn't give it to anyone else.

I would never hurt Daddy.

Bumping off Bob would raise your share of the inheritance.

I think the police will be very interested to hear that.

And what about all your debts?

You were getting hassles about final demands, weren't you?

Have you ever heard of a thing called inheritance tax?

I... It says that 40% of Daddy's estate goes to the taxman

on his death.

Why would I kill him for the money,

just to give nearly half of it to the Inland Revenue?

Surely I would just have him sell the company

or keep the holdings offshore.

Cayman Islands are quite good for that sort of thing.

That way, I'd nearly double what I stood to gain.

Oh.

I-I did not know that. No, I know you didn't, and it's

terribly unfair of me to expect that you did.

It has noting to do with jeggings.

But I also have another spanner

to throw in your loosely constructed works.

I have an alibi.

Hmm.

Nanny was stroking my hair all night,

weren't you, Nanny? Mm-hm.

That's right.

I think it's time to stop all of this.

Our family has been through enough these past two days.

It's starting to sound like everyone needs an early nap time,

and Gemma is dangerously close to going on the naughty step.

One minute for every year of your age.

How long will you be on there, Gemma?

40...

7, isn't it?

It is not 47.

Right.

All right. She's got an alibi, now so have you,

she was stroking a grown woman's hair all night,

which is a perfectly healthy thing to do.

Oh, I don't know. I'm out of ideas.

I don't know who's killed who, or what, or how, or... Ugh!

Well, you weren't stroking her hair all night, were you?

Of course I was. No, you dafty!

Remember? I saw you about midnight.

You came past the buffet all out of breath and that.

I offered you a custard slice, with salted caramel sauce.

Delicious, by the way.

You just sculled past me like I wasn't even there.

What about yesterday lunchtime, Freddie?

Was she near the buffet then? No.

Lunchtime is when they light the barbecue by the lake.

I offered you a quarter-pounder with cheese.

You ignored me then as well.

Nanny?

Why have you lied?

It's her, she did it. She killed our father.

MY father. It's too soon!

No, no, no.

Nanny is love, remember?

And that's why you did it, didn't you?

It wasn't for the love of the children.

I-I'm over here.

You did it

for a different kind of love, didn't you?

For Phil's love.

You worked for him for decades

and all he ever saw you as was the hired help.

He never saw the woman,

with feelings, emotions

and incredibly sensible hair.

35 years, I loved him.

35 years!

And what did I get in return, huh?

Nothing.

Nothing.

Wife after wife after wife.

I thought eventually, he'd see me for who I am

and what we could be together.

But once SHE turned up,

I knew he'd never look at me that way.

I'd wasted my whole life on that man!

I'm a powerful presence.

I won't apologise for that.

But what about Bob?

Bob knew how I felt.

He knew it was me.

But he was going to give me up,

take me away from all of you!

SHE SOBS

Hang on, did I solve the murder?

No! I did.

Eventually. No, no, no.

I think I did, you know?

Mum, will you tell him?

Freddie's saying he's solving my murders!

Chum, chum, chum, chum, chum...

Mum.

It's not fair.

So, what did I miss?

I'm the arresting officer. Have to take Nanny down the station.

So I'll miss the wedding, Gemma.

Oh, but don't feel bad. It's worked out, really,

because I didn't want to be here in the first place.

That, and I'm more hungover than I've ever been.

Don't worry, girls, Mummy's here.

Mummy can manage just fine without Nanny.

So, what do you two generally like to eat?

And when?

She taught us so many things.

Like how to use pulleys to lift heavy things.

GROANING

HE SCREAMS

HE SCREAMS And the biology lessons.

Once, she told us about how the human brain is complex...

..and fragile.

Put that down.

No! Nanny, please! Nanny!

Nanny, no, I'll be a good boy, I'll be a good boy!

HE SCREAMS And she told us sometimes,

it's for the best to keep secrets.

Yes.

Secrets.

MUSIC: Bridal Chorus by Richard Wagner

After the crap weekend, at least give me this.

And do you, Terry, take Gemma Sharon Draper

to be your lawfully wedded wife?

I do.

Definitely.

More than 100%.

"I do" is all you need to say.

No, it isn't.

But I understand you're pressed for time.

And do you, Gemma,

take Terry Eustice Bremer

to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Oh.

Come on, love, don't waste his time.

I... Tony?

Tony, there you are!

I've been looking absolutely everywhere for you.

What are you up to?

Er, excuse me, who are you?

Me, love?

I'm his wife.

# There may be trouble ahead

# But while there's moonlight

# And music and love and romance

# Let's face the music and dance

# Let's face the music

# And dance. #

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