Original subtitles

(♪ Jazz trombone solo)

(Harry) 'l never really saw the big picture before. Not till today.

‘Love can sure spin your head around.

'God, where do you begin?'

(Explosion)

(Voiceover) 'The universe was created 15 billion years ago,

'in a tremendous burst of pure energy.

"The matter spreading from this big bang became the galaxies.

'Our sun and planets were formed

‘from swirling clouds of star stuff, over five billion years ago.

'It took billions more years for the first life to be created

'in the primordial stew of earth's atmosphere.

'Life slowly evolved.

'One-celled organisms learned to reproduce and became more complex.

'At first clinging to the ocean floor,

'then developing locomotion and sight.

'Hundreds of millions of years ago,

‘our primitive ancestors crawled up on the shore.

‘Amphibians gave way to reptiles,

'who ruled the earth for millions of years.

"Then came warm-blooded mammals.

‘Man evolved in the last few million years.

'It took tens of thousands of years

'for civilisation as we know it to reach the modern era.'

(Harry) 'And it took 30 years for Harry Washello to find the right girl.'

You guys better brush your teeth, or that could be you in 10,000 years.

(Children giggle)

(Harry) You guys want to put a dollar in here?

OK. Here you go. One for each of us.

Just take it and put it in the Kitty's nice little... Ow!

...frozen woolly mammoth in the ice.

They cut off a piece of it,

and they thawed it out, cooked it up, and they ate it.

(Children) Eugh!

Yeah, I know. They made this frozen woolly mammoth stew.

This is my field trip, young man.

That's five even. Yeah?

I don't need a bag. Thank you.

(Harry) 'My one-in-a-million girl, and I let her slip away.

'l felt so bad I could've jumped into the Tar Pits.

'l thought I'd never see her again.'

- Well, hello. - Hi.

(Harry) 'Fate is a funny thing.

'We must've been meant to be together, Julie and I.'

They're so cramped. I can't eat these guys.

I guess we're gonna have to take all of them, but to go.

I'd like you to fly them back to Maine and set them free, OK?

- How much would that cost? - Twelve hundred bucks.

Twelve hundred dollars?

(Harry) 'l think I've always been a romantic kind of guy.

'l just never had someone to be romantic with before.

'It was just like it's supposed to be.

'l mean, for me to find a girl my age who actually knows

‘who Dicky Wells and Vernon Brown were,

'there has to be a cosmic plan of some sort.'

(§ Jazz music)

(Cackles)

Tell me that they aren't bad.

(Harry) 'She's a very hip girl, but a little old-fashioned.

"The way she brought her grandfather Ivan to see me play,

like that trolley we toured the Miracle Mile in,

'it's just a little out of time.

'l think it's time for a change.

‘Maybe I should stop trying to be

'the king of the Glenn Miller impersonators,

'take a teaching gig around here at some junior high,

'see if there's a vacancy in Julie's building.'

A lot of yuppies moving into Park La Brea these days.

I've been here 35 years.

Which building do you guys live in?

I live over there, and, Julie, she lives...

I live in another one.

Oh, can I buy you kids a tube steak?

- Not for me. - Well, yeah, sure.

A little mustard and some sauerkraut?

- Got it. - Great.

Too bad you have to leave town.

Oh, it's too bad you have to work tonight.

Only until midnight.

Yeah, well, I'm game. Do you like to dance?

No. I love to dance.

Oh, Julie!

Don't be embarrassed, hon. Give me an intro.

- Erm... - Harry Washello.

Lucy Peters, Julie's grandmother.

- You play slide trombone? - Yes, ma'am.

I told Harry all about your health food casserole.

Why don't you go on and heat it up upstairs, and we'll meet you up there?

Julie, what about the old tube steaks?

(Ivan) Ah!

Grandma... I'm sorry.

Hey, er... what's the story?

They haven't spoken to each other in 15 years.

They still love each other as much as anyone ever did.

Must've been a hell of a fight, huh?

They can't even remember what it's about.

Stupid pride!

It breaks my heart.

We better go check him out.

Well, time to sling hash.

Well, why don't I come in, sit down, guzzle some coffee?

And watch me work? No way.

- Come on. - No.

No, you go back to your hotel,

you clean your spit valve, and take a nap,

because you're going to need all your energy tonight.

I think I'm gonna head back and take a nap.

- OK. 12:157 - Yeah.

- OK. - OK.

Third date, Harry, I'm gonna screw your eyes blue.

Yep. Just your basic old-fashioned girl.

(Dog barking)

Julie Washello.

‘Julie, Julie, Julie.'

(Operator) "Your call cannot be connected...

Nothing?

(Alarm buzzes)

(♪ National anthem plays on TV)

(Sighs)

(Slaps thighs)

(Morse code beeping)

3:45...7

Finally meet the right girl, and you blow it.

Real good, Harry. Shit!

(Sighs)

I'm only three and a half hours late. That shouldn't be a problem.

(Squealing)

(Man) Hey! Robot demons!

You can backstroke in a vat of dragon piss,

for all I care about it, ma'am.

Not me. Not spongy.

(Indistinct muttering)

(Phone ringing)

(Man #2) This used to be Romeo's Time Square.

You into barbecue? I own a little place down on Crenshaw.

- Best barbecued ribs in town. - (Harry) Julie here?

(Man #2) Mel's Rib Hutch.

Honey, Hogly Pogly's Tyler Texas Barbecue in Panorama City is tops.

- (Man #2) Panorama City? Hell's that? - Morning, Harry. You just missed her.

My alarm didn't go off. The power went out in the hotel.

Really!

- So, was she upset? - Wouldn't you be?

Yeah. Listen, you got her phone number?

- It's in the book. - Come on.

It's under Lucy Peters,

but I wouldn't wake her right now if I were you.

Are you eating something?

Yeah. I'll have that gyro and eggs and some coffee.

I had the nastiest dream about her the other night.

- Oh, yeah? What's she do? - Almost everything.

- I meant for a living, Harlan. - She's some kind of stockbroker broad.

Shh! Here she comes.

- Morning. - Good morning, Fred.

Here's your coffee.

(Harlan) She's got old Fred wrapped around her finger.

(Mike) Shut up, will you, Harlan? Jesus!

(Answerphone) "You've reached the Peters household.

'Please leave a message at the sound of the beep.'

Julie, it's Harry. Are you there?

Listen, I'm really sorry about this, but it's not what you might think.

My alarm didn't go off. It's the truth.

The power went out in the hotel, and I just slept right through.

So, er... Well, it's 4:00 here at Johnie's and, er...

Listen, if you want to come on down,

and we'll go out for a little champagne breakfast, it'd be great.

Otherwise, I guess I'll call you tomorrow.

And, listen, I'm really, really sorry about this.

Good night.

(Phone rings)

'Dad, it's me, Chip. How come the phone was busy just now?

‘Jesus. Look. I had to wake you.

'It's happening! I can't believe it.

‘But we're locked into it. Fifty minutes and counting!

‘Christ, I just can't take it! I can't fucking take it!

"I'm sorry, Dad, I shouldn't swear.

"I'm sorry, but this is it. This is really it! This is the big one!

"Thor Arthur 66 ZZD.

'l told you what would happen if it ever came down. Well, it is!

‘We don't know why! Why would we, huh?

"It's for real, Dad! It's no drill! We shoot our wad in 50 minutes.

"They're gonna pick us up in five or ten,

‘and you could get it back in an hour and ten, maybe 75 minutes!"

What exactly are you talking about?

'I'm talking about nuclear fucking war.'

Who is this?

"Where's my dad? Go get my dad!'

Your dad? Look, there's nobody here.

- Where's he supposed to be? - 'How the hell would I know?

"You're in Orange County, I'm in North Dakota!'

Is this some kind of prank or something?

'Prank? Prank? Oh, God! Is this 254-9411?"

Er, yeah, itis, but listen, it's just a phone booth.

It's a phone booth at a coffee shop.

'Is this 7147 Did I dial 2137? Shit!"

('Chip sobs')

'l think they heard me. Shit!

'Oh, man, they see me on the monitor. Fuck!

'I patched into the red line excom to do this.

"They're gonna nail my ass. Tell dad...

‘Just tell him that I am sorry about that summer.

- 'OK? He'll know what I mean... - All right, look, that's enough!

- This is a joke, right? - 'Yes, sir. No, sir...

'l was just checking the circuits, sir. Wait. Wait!"

(‘Machine gun burst')

(Man) 'Security. Should I trace?"

Listen, it's probably a felony to joke around on the phone like this.

- (Man) 'Who are you?' - Who am 1?

I-I-I... Listen, I'm just a guy who picked up the phone.

I don't know if this is a wrong phone number or a joke or what.

What happened to Chip? He was just joking, right?

(Man) 'Forget everything you just heard and go back to sleep.'

- (Line goes dead) - Hey!

Hey!

Oh, shit!

(Fred) The special's getting cold. Put it back under the light.

Hey, Landa, if I told you you had a beautiful body,

would you hold it against me?

- (Harlan chuckles) - Will you grow up, Harlan?

(Man) This is the Golden State, this is the Ventura, this is the 101,

and this is Hogly Pogly's Tyler Texas Barbecue.

But what is this, then, if this is the Golden State, and this is the 101?

I don't know. That's your noodle. I didn't put that there.

- Shit. - (Man #2) I just can't figure it out.

(Man) OK, this is the Harbor freeway, and this is the Santa Monica,

and this is the 405.

- You know the 405, don't you? - Oh, shit.

- (Man) Thank God for that. - Shit.

Hey, Landa, didn't I see you at the nude bowling alley out in Puente Hills?

Harlan, Harlan, Harlan. That's mature, Harlan.

(Mouthing words)

Oh, no...

What did she do, slap you through the phone?

Hey!

- I answered the phone out there... - Great.

- Can I have this? - Sure.

(Inaudible dialogue)

Oh, no... This can't be true.

It can't...

It was.

Itis.

Jesus Christ.

He grabbed me by the hand.

This is the Hollywood freeway. This is the Ventura freeway.

Excuse me.

- Do you eat here a lot? - Every night.

I was just wondering if you know if anyone here has a son named Chip?

I had an uncle named Chet.

(Harlan) Hey, I got a new joke for you. (Mike) A new joke? Go ahead.

Postman comes to the door, see? Broad opens the door with no clothes on.

She takes him upstairs, she fucks his brains out...

Hey, hey, you guys? Excuse me. I answered the phone out...

- She takes him to the door... - (Harry) Excuse me!

- Hands him five dollars, see? - Hey! Hey! You guys!

- Hey! Shut up! - (Fred) Hey!

Look, this could be very important.

Does anyone here have a son in a missile silo?

- (Harlan) A missile silo? - Yeah, North Dakota. Chip?

Look, I know how this sounds, but I answered the phone out there,

and the guy on the other end, he was very, very frantic.

He thought I was his dad for a minute.

- I think he just had the wrong area code. - Yeah? So what?

So he was calling from a missile silo.

He said that they were locked in, 50 minutes and counting,

to shoot off their nuclear wad.

We would be getting it back in an hour and ten.

I mean, he meant that we're at war!

Nuclear war!

Who the fuck is this bozo?

- This is scaring the shit out of me. - Yeah, you and me both.

(Fred) What's your problem? (Man #2) It's the witching hour.

All the weirdos come out just before dawn.

(Waitress) This is probably just somebody's very sick joke.

I thought so, too, at first, but if you could've heard him,

it was just too real to be wrong.

There's lots of good actors in this town with insomnia,

and nothing better to do than stupid things like that.

I saw him on the phone out there.

I don't know what he said or heard, but I saw him on the phone.

Nuclear war! What a crock! Over what?

Man, are you drunk?

What's the matter with you? What's wrong with you?

There's nothing wrong with me.

That guy on the phone might be wrong, but I'm not,

and what I heard is right.

(Landa) Los Angeles. Do you have today's code?

Can you please tell me, are we at forced readiness?

Has that been confirmed?

Why would we be at war? There's no big crisis anywhere.

Not that we know about.

There's never gonna be a good enough reason why.

We would never attack!

If it was the fucking Russkies, I might believe it, but not us.

And Thato, too?

When did they leave?

- Landa... - Thank you.

Landa, you said we had to strike first, if it ever came down to it.

- Remember, you told me that? - I remember, Fred.

- (Fred) Pre-emptive first strike! - Oh, shit!

They have to evacuate us first, don't they?

You tell me where to?

And when was the last time they told you what to do in case? There's no plans.

Earth to everybody! Let's all get back to reality here.

It's 4:00 in the a.m. Really! More java, please.

I hope this isn't happening.

I used to have real awful dreams about atom bombs.

We forgot about it! Doesn't mean it's not gonna happen!

Come on, Harlan, we build three warheads a week!

- Is the senator in? - (All shouting)

Oh, really?

No. It can't be!

OK! I'm very serious about this shit!

Now you tell me now! You're joking, huh?

- Come on, man. - Leave him alone, Fred. He's just drunk.

Shut the fuck up! Shut up!

If you are, you tell me now!

Why in hell would I make up this story, huh?

Look, if you want me to say so, I will, but...

- But what? - (Landa) Fred! Fred, put the gun away!

But what?

It's true.

I ain't takin' no chances. Joe, get the truck!

Jeez Louise, I never seen him riled up like that before.

Come here. Come here! What's your name?

- Harry. - Harry.

Can you repeat the conversation to me, please, verbatim, if you can?

Um, yeah, OK.

Come on! Nobody believes this, do they?

- I mean, if I said it, nobody would. - Will you shut up? Just let him talk.

Go ahead.

OK, well, I answered the phone because it was ringing.

And the guy, he just started yelling, "Dad! Dad! It's happening!

"The big one. We're locked in. "Thor Arthur 66 DDZ..."

Wait a minute. Say that last part again.

It's Thor Arthur 66 DDZ.

And then he started going, "Oh, my God!

"We shoot off our wad in 50 minutes.

"You're going to be getting it back in an hour and ten."

Then I said something, and he realized that I wasn't his dad.

And so I asked him if it was a prank.

And he went, "A prank? Oh, God, a prank."

He was just trying to call his dad in Orange County.

And then, uh...

And then he said, "They see me on the monitor."

And then someone came in, and he started going, "Yes, sir. No, sir."

Then they shot him.

No, no, I heard gunshots.

And then someone else got on the line,

and I said, "Hey, is this a joke?"

And all he said was, erm...

"Forget everything you just heard, and go back to sleep."

I knew they'd do some stupid shit like this one day!

They ain't gonna catch me with my pants down!

Heck, I'm going up to the San Gabriel Mountains!

Mine shaft! Anybody that helps can come, but bring cans!

- Bring lots of cans! - I'm coming with you, Freddie!

That Thor Arthur stuff, that meant something to you.

I know it did! Is that the code for it?

- It's possible. - How the hell would you know, lady?

Because I used to date a guy who worked at the Rand Corporation.

I've just been trying to reach a few of our friends

who could tell me if the unthinkable was being thought about in D.C.

At this very moment, four out of five are in transit,

to the extreme southern hemisphere. I find that more than just very curious.

- So what do we do? - We've less than 46 mins till we know.

And then everyone will.

I'd like a head-start. The streets will be jammed.

I'm ready to make a commitment to get to the airport as fast as possible

and finding out from there. Step on a plane, at least.

- Come on. - (Harlan) This is fuckin' crazy!

Come on, buddy! I'm going.

How far do you have to go to get away from an atom bomb?

There won't be any atom bomb, just missiles. A dozen for L.A., I bet.

Make a mental note: line up heliport shuttle to L.A.X.

Hey, hey, hey! Wait a second!

- Where does Julie live? - Park La Brea. It's just over there.

- I know, I know. But which building? - It's building 351. Let me go!

351.

Roger! You coming with us?

Suit yourself.

(Man) Where do we go where the radiation won't get us?

What about Mexico or Hawaii? Let's go to Hawaii.

No tropics.

Ocean, clouds, rain, forget it. Gotta be a desert, right?

Like the Sahara or the Gobi. Fuck the Gobi!

- We're going to Antarctica, if it's true. - Wait a minute!

There's a valley there with zero rainfall.

Plenty of fresh water in the snow for generations, if need be.

(Waitress) Is that the North Pole or the South Pole?

(Speaks Spanish)

- Landa says we have to go to the airport. - Shit, man.

(Speaks Spanish)

Mike, I want you and Susie to make a list for me,

people who we want to bring along, scientists, leaders, great minds.

- I want it in five minutes, OK? - Jesus.

Los Angeles. Number for Ivan Peters.

Mr. Sagan will want to be informed. Fred, let's go!

I told you we need cans! Lots of cans!

Hey, only if we get somewhere! Come on!

Thank you very much.

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Hey, someone stole my car. You gotta give me a ride.

- (Fred) Yeah, I guess so. - We gotta get Julie first, OK?

- Before the airport! - Yeah, hop on!

Fred! Wait up!

(Man) Come on! We got you! Come on!

It's the L.S.A. charter lines. The head is Charles Sanmarino.

Wake him up. Any price. No amount is absurd, right? Go for it.

- What about Pat Riley? - Pat Riley? Come on.

What? She said leaders. My cousin knows him.

Just write down what I say, OK?

- We're talking Mensa. - Mensa.

That's not a person, that's an organisation.

People like Linus Pauling. Write this down.

You must know some pilots? Any charter lines?

Well, actually, it's my sister's outfit.

Jane and Tom, Harry Belafonte.

Ah, what about Joyce Brothers? She's really smart.

Fuck Joyce Brothers!

Tell Archie to break into that ski shop in Culver City.

Tell him to get all the down clothing he can.

Down, down. Yeah, like a duck. The super warm stuff. All he can get.

Is anyone here a Christian? You know, like a hard-core one?

Danny Berrigan and his brother.

Yeah, Bobby Seale, Dick Gregory.

You got these people's phone numbers?

Terry, did you get hold of him yet? No, get this lined up first.

Don't waste time if there's no point, get it?

Stay calm. Optimum efficiency.

(Susie) Oprah Winfrey!

This isn't right. We should be at Park La Brea.

- What? - We got to get Julie.

- Who's Julie? - Who are you?

Who are you?

Where are we going?

- The airport. - The airport?

Listen, you said you were gonna go get Julie.

- I lied. - You lied?

I wanted to secure the heliport for a rendezvous to the airport,

ready to leave no later than five to five.

Where's this rendezvous? Which heliport?

5900 Wilshire. Sorry, Harry. There's no turning back now.

- OK, you gotta stop and let me off. - No way, man. No chance.

Every minute counts, and I don't stop for nothing.

Come on! I gotta go back and get Julie.

That's tough shit, man. I love her too, but it's dog-eat-dog now.

Call her when you get there.

- Look, stop the truck! - Fuck you.

- Harry! - Let me go! Stop the truck!

Mr. Sagan, can you hold, please?

You wanna jump? Jump when I make that on-ramp!

Yeah, like when you blow a tyre at 80 and you're heading for the wall,

and you don't have time to say anything but whoops!

(Landa) Mr. Sagan... Yes, I understand. I do apologize.

But what I'm about to tell you is something quite horrific.

(Groans)

Shit.

No...

I'm dreaming. That's it, I'm dreaming.

Fuck!

Hey! Stop! Hey, hey, stop!

- Stop! Stop! - (Tyres screech)

Hey, look. Don't hurt me, man, OK?

Just look in the trunk and get you a stereo or speakers.

I got Nakamichi, Pioneer, I got everything, man.

- Just help yourself, all right? - Would you just shut up?

I'll say it was a Mexican family, OK? I ain't even seen your face!

Shut up!

- Just go back the on-ramp. - OK, whatever you say, man.

Just drive as fast as you can and keep going.

- Don't stop at any light unless I say so. - This is as fast as it goes!

This is the wrong way!

You're not going to hurt me, are you?

Look, I've never hurt anybody in my entire life,

but I'm gonna use this if I have to.

- What's your name? - It's Wilson.

Wilson? Well, I'm Harry.

What's the hurry, Harry?

- I gotta catch a plane. - The airport's back that way, man.

I know! I forgot something.

OK, man, I believe you. I do. I swear.

Whatever you say. Just be cool. Just be cool, man.

If it doesn't happen,

I'll pay you for any kind of damage to your car or anything.

If it doesn't happen.

If what doesn't happen, man?

Do you know where Park La Brea is?

You got enough gas to get there and back to the airport?

Not even close. I barely had enough to get back to Venice.

What, man? If what doesn't happen? What?

Pull into this gas station.

That's for cabs. They won't give us none.

OK.

Give me the key. I gotta make a phone call.

Right, er... listen, here.

Here's twenty dollars.

Now, just get enough gas to get up there and back, OK?

Yeah, sure. No sweat.

Look, you stick with me, you're gonna be one of the lucky ones.

- Hello, Ivan? - "What the hell time is it?'

It's late. It's very late. Listen, I'm sorry to call you this late.

It's Harry Washello, and I have to tell you something very important.

We gotta wake up Julie right now and get down to the 5900 Building.

- (Gun clicks) - Hey, boy, what you doing?

You trying to steal some gas here?

Hell, no, I ain't trying to steal nothing, man...

(Ivan) 'Harry, that's awfully hard to fathom at this time of night.'

I know, I know. It's impossible to believe, but you got to do this.

You're only a couple blocks away from them.

Just wake them up and wait for me out front.

I'll be by there in five minutes.

I'll give you twenty dollars for some gas.

He said he'll give you fifty dollars,

plus this twenty if you give us some gas.

Don't shoot me, all right, brother?

I got Pioneer, I got Nakamichi, I got Sony, I got everything.

I got a Blaupunkt that's never been used.

Maybe you want a CD. You name it, I'll get it.

This guy's crazy. Just let us get a little bit of gas and we'll be gone.

What's the problem?

You want some gasoline? It's gonna cost you fifty dollars.

Cash money. No credit cards, man.

OK, there you go, there's fifty dollars.

If you could just start pumping, please, we're in a real big hurry.

I don't pump gas, man. You'll have to pump that yourself.

Y'all got the guns, man.

OK, Julie, come on.

(Answerphone) "You've reached the Peters household.

'Please leave a message at the sound of the...

(Siren blares)

Holy mother of God. They'll give me five years for this fuckin' gun.

They'll give me ten years for what's in my trunk.

(Man) Don't do nothing rash, man.

- Drop your weapon, now! - You! Get down on the ground!

Now! Now!

Spread your arms and legs!

- Spread 'em! - Spread 'em!

I work here. He's been trying to rob me all week.

Bullshit! He's lying, officer. You know you're lying, fool.

He's lying, officer. I can prove it. I got plenty of identification.

- It's that guy's car. - Officer, I can explain.

(Man) Look in his trunk. He's got all kinds of stolen stuff in there.

Halt!

Carol! Get away from the pumps, Carol!

Move away from the pumps!

Get in! Get in, man!

I had to do that back there, man! I had to, you understand, huh?

I had stolen stuff in my trunk. I had tickets, I had warrants, man.

I had to squirt them, but they didn't have to shoot!

(Radio) 'Explosion and/or related fire reported on Pico.'

- Hello? Hello? - Push the red button twice.

Hello. What are the latest on the evacuation plans?

(Radio) 'Please identify yourself.'

This is Mr. Peters, with the, er... Atomic Energy Commission.

'What?'

We have a Code Arthur situation. Haven't you been informed?

‘We have nothing at all at the headquarters, sir.

- "What's the source of your information?' - They don't even know yet.

'Could you give us your present location?'

- Is that what it is? A meltdown? - Yeah, man, yeah. Yeah, it is.

You work at the plant, man? Is that how you know, huh?

- Yeah. - Man, my sister goes to those rallies.

She'll be blown out, I mean, really blown out.

When's the cloud come?

Within the hour.

(Wilson) What do we do?

(Harry) The streets are gonna be completely jammed.

There's a helicopter rendezvous at Wilshire that'll shuttle to the airport.

Listen, just wait here.

I have to get some people. It'll just take a minute.

Where's the heliport? Is it that Mutual Building?

I gotta get my sister Charlotta, man. She can come with us, can't she?

I gotta get her, man. I gotta get her.

Honk the horn in four minutes, OK? Four minutes.

Gotta get her, man.

C-14.

Aw, shit.

Ivan?

Ivan! Ivan!

Julie?

Julie?

Julie!

Hello?

Anybody here?

Mrs. Peters?

Hello?

(Gun cocked)

Mrs. Peters, it's Harry Washello. You met me this afternoon.

- Oh, you're the fine swing man, Harry. - That's right. Where's Julie?

She's dead to the world. You better come back tomorrow.

- No, we've got to wake her up. - Wait a minute.

You just tell me what the hell's going on.

Mrs. Peters, in a half an hour,

there's gonna be a full-on nuclear attack.

The missiles are on their way now.

L.A.'s gonna be a desert again very soon.

- Why? - I don't know why.

Listen, grab anything you want to take.

We're going to the Mutual Benefit Life building on Wilshire.

There's a helicopter there that'll take us to the airport.

God.

I feel like Prince...somebody.

(Four honks of the horn)

Let's go! Let's get out of here, man! Come on!

Hold on! I'll be right there!

- Sorry, man, I gotta go. - Wait!

Julie, wake up.

- Damn it. Pick up the phone! - Do you have a car, Mrs. Peters?

There's one down in the garage. I haven't driven it for years.

I don't even know where the keys are.

How long do we have?

About 15 to 20 minutes before the chopper leaves.

- Does she always sleep this deep? - She took a valium.

You could give her one of these diet pills, kind of speed it up.

It'll make her sick, but it'll wake her up.

I think I'll just let her sleep.

I don't want her to know until she has to.

Lucy, can you jog along with us?

(Lucy) Well, I'm elderly. I'm not decrepit.

- Lucy? - van?

Oh, darling.

(Laughing)

(Harry) I think we better get going.

No, no. We'll get the car and catch up with you.

5900 Wilshire.

Harry?

What am I doing in this cart?

Did I sleep all day? Or is it the next night?

Yeah.

You didn't show.

The power went out in the hotel. The alarm didn't work.

OK, could've happened. You could've called.

I tried. It was too late.

This thing is kind of cutting into my leg. Maybe you could just get me out of this.

OK, OK, OK. Put your arm around my neck.

Here, here we go.

- All right. OK, good. - Whoa!

- You OK? - Yeah, but my leg's asleep.

- OK, come on. - Wake up. Come on.

You'll be OK. Come on, let's go.

- I know where we're going. - You do?

It's one of those balloon rides, right?

Champagne brunch, wafting out over L.A. at sunrise.

Sounds like something you'd cook up, am I right? Huh?

Yeah, maybe.

With your luck, it won't have any air in it.

You're probably right about that.

Wait here.

She doesn't know yet, and I don't think she should,

so let's just leave the car and we'll go up to the heliport.

- It's right across the street. - (Lucy) We're not going with you, Harry.

We want to savour our time together if this is happening.

We're going to go to Lucy's favourite place, Cantor's,

and I'm gonna have the greasiest, fattest,

triple-bypass pastrami sandwich they got.

- Well, I'm going to let him eat it. - Ah!

Oh! This is so great.

This is so completely great!

I don't believe this.

We just wanna say good-bye, honey.

We love you. You, too, Harry.

W-w-wait. Where are you going?

- We got a lot to talk about. - Lots of catching up to do.

You kids take care now.

- Ease off on the gas, Lucy. - Oh, criminy!

- For crying out loud, Lucy, ease up! - Gimme half a chance...

(Laughing)

Well, no, no, no. I wanna go! Wait!

(Harry) It's all right. They're gonna be fine. Come on.

How did they ever get together?

Tell me what's going on.

- Well... - Come on.

It's a secret.

I wanna spend some time with them, Harry.

I wanna talk with them. What's the hurry?

I'll tell you when we get to the top, OK?

- Where's the sable? - I don't know where the sable is!

- Where are the hollow points? - You were supposed to bring them!

Oh, God, just forget it. Come on!

I mean, I don't wanna be rude

and ruin this romantic surprise you've got going,

but I'd really rather go down to Cantor's and have breakfast with them, OK?

I mean, no offense, but we can go up in a balloon any old morning, can't we?

Harry, what happened to your face?

- I just slipped and fell. - It looks bad.

- It's nothing. I broke my glasses. - Let's go have pancakes at Cantor's.

- Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! - Hold the elevator!

Damn it! What time is it?

And they swore they'd never talk to each other till the day they died.

Gosh, I used to try to get them back together,

but they always saw it coming a mile away.

Thought the other one put me up to it. Jesus!

When I was a kid and I'd come out from Boulder on vacation,

he'd always take me to the Movieland Wax Museum, or some touristy place.

And then, the next day, I'd be with her,

and she'd take me to the exact same place.

I'd have to pretend that I'd never been there.

It was so silly, so sad.

We're going to make it. We are.

(Man) ...the oxygen. Where's that thing?

- Hey, y'all ready to go? - You the pilot?

- Pilot? Isn't there a pilot here? - Not yet. Clock's ticking, too.

The first plane out leaves in ten minutes.

- Here, hold this. - You guys friends of Landa's?

You gotta take a helicopter to get to the balloon?

What balloon?

- Are you the helicopter pilot? - No. I'm Gerstead.

I don't know if the guy'll show. I think this is all horse shit anyhow.

I ain't heard nothing to verify it. You a friend of Landa's?

Landa, the lady with the mobile phone?

Exactly. The woman with the mobile phone sticking out of her fucking ear!

- Is this helicopter all ready to fly? - Yeah. If you can fly it.

I've put out over four grand so far, lining up things for that bitch,

and she better cough up the reimbursement, too.

It's gonna be one high-priced yacht, let me tell you.

- So it's all set? - It's gassed and ready.

I paid off the guard to go home, which is where I'll be in 20 minutes.

- That's the deal. I'm out of here. - Give me the money.

No.

Where can I find a pilot?

Pal, it's after 4:00,

all the helicopter pilot bars are closed, along with everything else.

I checked off every name on the shuttle's certified list.

Some 'Nam jock is driving in from Malibu for two Gs.

He's on his way. The rest, pissed off, no dice, no answer.

What do you expect this time of the morning?

Only reason I'm still here is that cunt promised me three grand to do this shit.

I brought up all the goddamn chips from her office, all the files. Hey!

I want you guys to be witness that I did everything she asked.

All right, listen, I need you to stay here and keep calling.

Call for helicopter pilots, all right?

Call their neighbours if you have to. Just don't give up, all right?

It's happening, pal. I'm the one who took the phone call. I told Landa.

Harry, I'm very confused about what's going on here.

Julie, now stay here.

If I'm not back and the pilot comes, go without me.

Go without you, Harry? I don't wanna go anywhere at all.

Julie! Give me five minutes, OK? Trust me with this.

With what?

I love you.

(Mouths words)

Oh, thank God!

- Come on, come on, hurry. - Come on.

- Help me out here, will you? - I am. Just load.

- How many are going first shuttle? - Going where?

- The South Pole. - The South Pole?

Vitamins, where are the vitamins? Landa wanted lots of vitamins.

- Penicillin, too. - What's going on here?

Condoms! We won't be needing these.

- We gotta repopulate a whole planet. - Ha! You could repopulate a whole planet.

How many warheads are pegged for L.A.?

Warheads? What do you mean, warheads?

L.A. Basin is a total overkill sector.

Oh, my God.

Come on.

Here. Here.

Harry!

Harry!

Harry!

Hey!

Listen! Hey! Do you know anybody who can fly...?

- Fuck you! - Shit.

Hey!

Hey!

People who know people, friends, neighbours, anything.

(Woman) Can I see your membership card?

Er... Listen, excuse me, do you know anybody who can fly a helicopter?

Any helicopter pilots? No...

(Man groaning)

Hey, hey, do you know anybody who can fly a helicopter?

Helicopter pilots, huh?

Excuse me. Do you know anybody who can fly a helicopter?

Do you...?

Do you know any helicopter pilots? Any...? No.

- (& Disco music playing) - (Woman) One, two and...

Excuse me. Anybody here know any helicopter pilots? Anybody?

Anybody here know how to fly a helicopter?

I said, does anybody here know how to fly a helicopter?

- Oh, God, please don't shoot! - Listen. It's an emergency.

It's for a heart transplant.

- Can't anybody fly a helicopter? - Hey, I can.

You can fly a chopper?

Bell jets, Hueys. Pretty rusty. It'd come back, though.

- I'll need bucks. - Whatever you want, OK?

But we got to go now. It's not really for a transplant.

All right? We'll all be dead if we don't get out of here.

- It's a matter of minutes. - What's the problem?

It's a toxic fire, cyanide. The wind's starting to blow in this direction.

A lot of people are gonna to die. We gotta go now.

If shit like that's coming down, I gotta bring somebody, OK?

Oh, look, man, there's no time.

Then shoot me.

All right. Go ahead, man. Go.

Hurry!

(Whistles) Leslie! Come on! We're going.

What the hell's going on?

Any problem?

No. No, no, no. There's no problem.

(Julie) Do you know any pilots? Any helicopter pilots?

Hey, shh!

(Julie) Do you know anybody who can fly a helicopter?

Shit! Listen, I gotta go get someone. You guys go up to the heliport, OK?

It's right there at the Mutual Benefit Life building, OK?

You for real?

Don't leave without us.

I'll be there.

(Julie) Hey! Hey, wait! Come back!

(Harry) Julie! Julie!

(Siren blaring)

Julie!

Oh, shit!

(More sirens blaring)

Julie!

(Officer) 'Suspect has crashed into store..."

Officer, are you all right?

(Officer) 'A hundred feet or more inside the store.'

Julie! Julie, we gotta get out of here.

- 'Waiting for back-up.' - 'Roger, N1-14.

'SWAT team has been dispatched. Captain's orders to clear the streets...'

(Wilson groans)

Julie!

- I was... I was looking for a pilot. - It's OK.

They just smashed through the window. Look, they're shot up.

- Look! - Oh, my God. It's Wilson.

(Sirens approaching)

(Tyres screeching)

When's the cloud coming? It should be here by now, you said.

It's been an hour. Nobody knows nothing, man.

- What do you mean, a cloud? - It's a meltdown.

The streets will be jammed.

What? Who told you it was a meltdown?

That guy. He was there. He works at the plant.

(Officer) "This is the Los Angeles Police Department,

‘Special Weapons Tactical unit.

"We have the building surrounded.

"Throw down your weapons and give yourselves up.'

We're dying.

(Wilson) I know.

Is this your blood or mine?

I don't know.

Help me.

I got to catch up with Charlotta.

Do me, man. It ain't killing. I'm gone anyway.

Please!

Please.

(Officer) 'Come out now with your hands in plain view above your head.'

(Cuckoo clock chimes)

- He said you told him it was a meltdown. - I did!

- I didn't think he'd believe the truth. - What is the truth, Harry?

Where did you hear we'd started a war?

Those people at the helicopter said Landa told them, and you told Landa?

Oh, God! What have I done?

You told everybody, Harry?

They only heard from you? You took the phone call?

Fifty minutes and counting. It's been over an hour now.

They must've called it off somehow.

Oh! Well, that's great news.

(Officer) "This is your last warning, cop killer!"

Do you know what they're talking about, Harry? Do you?

You and that kid didn't shoot somebody, did you?

They were blinded. They just pulled their own trigger and blew themselves up.

Well, we've got to tell them something.

We have to tell them something before they start shooting.

Er... I'l go out there and I'll tell them that we just walked in on this.

We were just bystanders. We didn't...

We didn't know what was happening in here, OK?

OK, Harry? It's gonna be OK. Yes...

Yeah.

Hell, I'll write an article about all this for Esquire.

Somebody will probably make a TV movie out of it.

(Indistinct police radio)

(Julie) I'm just a bystander!

Hello? Don't shoot!

Coming out!

(Radio) 'Abort all activities and return to precinct.'

Just me!

I'm just walking out slowly.

(Radio) "You don't have a family. I'm outta here!"

Julie?

Hello?

I'm just walking right out!

(Engines start)

(Julie) Hey, where you going?

(Tyres screech)

What the hell's going on?

Where the hell are the police going?

You said it would've happened already by now if it was, right?

This isn't rush hour. People aren't going to work.

(Harry) I can still be Chicken Little. (Woman) Wait for me!

- Come on, we gotta go. - (Woman) Slow down!

(Julie) Harry...

714-254.

(Man) 'Hello?"

Hello, I'm sorry about calling you this early.

I just wanna know, do you have a son named Chip?

"Yeah. So? Did something happen?'

No, no. He's fine. I just wanna know if you know where he is.

'North Dakota. Why?"

In a missile silo?

'Hey, look, pal, that's classified. Call back tomorrow.'

Hey, wait a second! Hey, hey! He wanted to say he was sorry about...

Shit!

(Horns honking; screaming and shouting)

Come on.

We've gotta find a pilot.

- I already found one. - What?

- I hope he's still up there. - I'm scared.

So scared.

Oh, shit!

Shit!

Julie, listen to me.

I need you to go back up to the heliport right now. I'll be right there.

- I don't wanna go anywhere without you. - Hey, get the fuck out of here!

Listen, I just saw the helicopter pilot over there. I gotta go catch him, all right?

- Go back up there. Take this. - Harry...

No, no, no. There's no bullets.

Just point it at anybody if there's any trouble, OK?

- It's just not safe anymore. - I love you.

- What? - I love you. I love you.

I love you, too, OK?

Just go and hurry, OK?

Don't look back, all right? Go on! Go on!

Go on!

Leave me alone! Leave me alone!

Hold it!

(Horns blaring)

Hey, come on. Let's go...

I'm sorry. I...

Have they said anything? Have they confirmed it?

'...spreading like wildflowers... wildfire.

‘Unconfirmed rumours of possible nuclear attack have spread...'

'l think we're going to a live feed now from...from Brian Jones.

'Er... Brian Jones down on the street. Brian, can you hear me?'

"It's absolute madness!

‘We're not people anymore...

"It's total chaos! The fear, it's total! It's absolute!

(Gunshot)

(Air raid sirens blaring)

(Man) My God! It's a B-1!

- 52! - (Harry) Out of my way!

(Aircraft overhead)

Son of a bitch!

(Harry) Shit!

- Goddamn! - (Gunshot)

(Man) That goddamn son of a bitch!

I'll shoot your damn ass, boy! I'm gonna shoot your damn ass!

- (Gunshot) - Goddammit!

Get back! Get back here!

Son of a bitch! Goddammit!

Goddamnit! Get back here!

(Gunshot)

(Air raid sirens wailing)

(Gunshot)

(Alarm bells ringing)

(Clamour of voices)

Oh... Oh...

Julie!

Oh, God.

(Julie) Harry...

Harry!

All those chances, I mean...

Hey, don't think about it.

Oh, God.

(Sighs heavily)

It's hell out there now, isn't it?

Just blot it out.

If you weren't in here with me, that would be hell.

People are gonna help each other, won't they? I mean, rebuilding things.

The survivors, I mean.

I think it's the insects' turn.

All your life, you think that you have time to do everything.

And then it just...

(Deep rumbling)

(Explosions)

- Is that it? - Shh!

I'm Ss ry I'm Ss ry

I'm so scared.

We won't feel a thing.

And we'll be together, won't we?

And when it comes...

...wherever we are, I mean,

even if our atoms are... I mean, our spirits will be together.

- Yes. - Right?

Shh!

There's no more words...

...except I love you.

(Metallic clanging)

(Clamour of voices below)

(Gerstead) God, I wish I had some window pane.

And I ate the drugstore!

Oh, Nellie, them perks are a-perkin'.

And all that other stuff, it all mixes in your tummy!

Mama always said...

I wasn't sure I'd get off in time but...

Oh!

That better not just be an earthquake. If I fried my brain over an earthquake...

Shit! Landa!

You slut! Why didn't I listen?

I could be out fucking penguins with Jacques Cousteau!

Baron Lafite-Rothschild '28.

Not any corkscrew in sight.

Tastes like shit!

(Deep rumbling)

Holy cock-sucking mother of Christ!

There's the first son of a bitch right now! See what I see? Negatory...

(Missile overhead)

Look at that baby go!

It's going all the way to Tia-fucking-juana!

(Helicopter approaching)

Run!

- Let's go! - (Pilot) I said I'd be here.

(Harry) Can we make it?

We'll make it.

(Maniacal laughter)

(Pilot) The E.M.P. blew out the controls.

There's nowhere to go.

(Explosion)

(Julie screams)

(Julie) No! No! I don't want this!

- I can't do this! - You don't wanna go out there.

- I don't wanna die like this. - Julie!

- I don't want this! - Julie!

Julie! Julie...

- No! - There's nothing up there.

- There's nothing up there. - I don't want this.

- I don't want this. - Shh!

(Sobbing)

They'll find us here someday.

They'll put us in a museum.

(Giggles)

Maybe we'll get a direct hit, huh?

It'll metamorphosise us.

Superman, he can take a lump of coal,

and he'd squeeze it, and it would make a diamond.

Diamonds...

...you and me, Harry.

You and me.

Diamonds.

(Explosion)