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And today, serial killer
Willy Watkins was sentenced
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to multiple life sentences.
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00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:09,000
The murder spree known as
the Wheels on the Bus Massacre
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00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:12,240
was foiled by a pair of
local coach tour operators
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00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:14,000
and private investigators,
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00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:16,440
Terry Bremmer and Gemma Draper.
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There he is.
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This isn't over, Terry and Gemma!
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You'll never really get rid of me!
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I'm like a verruca.
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This is just the beginning...
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No, no, no! Stop!
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Oh! Oh!
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Can you slow down? Please.
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I get travel sickness!
What do they want?
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What do you want?! Whoa, whoa!
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If this is about the fly tipping...
Pull over! Let's put an end to this!
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Whatever they say!
Whatever they say!
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Mind your head.
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Terry! Oh... Please!
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Do it now. No, no, no, please!
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I'll do anything.
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I'll even clean up that mess I left
in the back seat.
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Let's just talk about this, can we?
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Agh...!
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Welcome to couples counselling.
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Surprise!
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No!
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No! No!
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This is our new case.
I know I didn't tell you about it,
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but if I had, you'd have just been
worried we'd miss the wedding.
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All you need to know is
we're fully undercover.
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Follow my lead,
and I believe in you.
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We were supposed to be going on a
luxury spa break before our wedding.
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This does NOT feel like that.
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Someone's coming. Be undercover.
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Hi, guys. I'm Neil,
the course leader.
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Hi, Neil. This is Brad,
and I'm...Angelina.
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Like the film stars? Yeah.
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You couldn't make it up, could you?
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Well, here, we like to think that
while everyone might look at you
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and say, "These people
shouldn't be together..."
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They do. They do say that.
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Do they? Yeah. I think they
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most definitely do say that, yeah.
BUT...we're going to
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prove them wrong.
Come, meet the rest of our group.
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Thank you.
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And so, the new case begins.
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Terry and Gemma may
not solve this case,
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but Brad and Angelina are on it
like a car bonnet.
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Brad's a bit annoyed about
being basically kidnapped
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by Angelina.
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The head office told us
they're getting death threats.
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They're worried about something
terrible happening this weekend.
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So you're telling
the podcast listeners
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all about this before me?!
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We've only got 64 followers,
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and 63 of them is you, checking that
it's uploaded properly!
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Terry is failing to be supportive
about our amazing podcast.
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Because Terry has soiled himself.
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Yeah, OK...
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Yeah.
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I will be perfectly honest with you,
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I'm not at all comfortable
being outside.
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She kind of likes you. OK.
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Yeah. Well, that's actually
a bit of a surprise. Thank you.
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Sometimes. I mean, not all the time.
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Welcome to the beginning of the end
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of your relationships as they are.
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We will work through your issues,
but we'll only do this when we...?
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Get it all out in the open.
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That's right. Two days and
two nights of hiking, bushcraft
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and survival exercises
to bring your...
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..FAILED marriages
back from the precipice.
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To start, everyone, put your phones
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in this secure...pouch.
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I'll chuck it on the Jeep,
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you get them back at the end.
Ooh, yes, please!
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Let the babysitter sweat it out
on her own.
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That is my mum. It is. Yes.
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What, are you kidding?
We ask participants
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to take a hiatus from technology
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so they can focus on reconnecting
with their partner.
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Don't plug into the world!
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Plug into each other.
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But, you see, I've got a cousin
going through a quite nasty divorce.
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Yeah. There's a lot of juicy back
and forth going on on Facebook.
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Thank you.
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My phone... It's my everything.
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Emma's an influencer. You don't
need to introduce me, Darren. Yeah.
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I've got 500,000 followers.
That's over a million.
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We're trying to break your addiction
to social media, babes.
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Just give it here...
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It's placed a sort of barrier
in our relationship,
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whereby I'm just an accessory
in our marriage
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on Emma's various posts.
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Sort of just mainly...
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..hold up Gucci handbags.
Darren, phone...
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I need phone!
What if I need to take a selfie?
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We will cope. You do not need
to take a selfie.
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Just ask me what you look like
and I'll just describe you to you.
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It's not for me, you moron!
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I need my followers to see what
I'm doing. I'm a brand, yeah?
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An honest, truthful depiction of
what I'm up to
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and what I look like, with filters.
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Let it go, babe. Some things are
more important than a phone.
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My Facebook followers are going to
really miss my daily updates,
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but you know what? Saving
my marriage is more important.
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Because it's falling apart,
isn't it, darling?
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Oh, yes, darling, it is.
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It's in tatters.
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Very inconvenient.
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I want my phone!
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She'll calm down in a minute.
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It's just a tantrum.
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We see loads of those,
don't we? Yeah.
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We've got six kids.
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We're not sure if we're staying
together for them,
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or if we're just too tired
to get a divorce.
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That's why we're here.
Have you got kids?
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No. Honestly, don't.
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Oh, God, no, don't have kids.
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That is the one thing
we can actually agree on.
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We should never have had kids,
and now we've got six of the...
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..leeches. And on that note
of delicious regret...
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..off we go!
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This way, please!
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Come on...
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Come on!
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After the first baby,
we just started arguing.
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So we thought a new baby
might bring some love back
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into the relationship,
but it didn't work.
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So we had a third baby.
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Thought that might help,
but that didn't work.
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I think we had the last three
just to spite each other.
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Thankfully, we're too knackered
to make any more.
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The only way I could pregnant now
is if Devon
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fell into me the right way
while I was having a nap.
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For Christ's sake! Don't blame it
on your children, darling.
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Passion just fizzles out on its own.
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Do you remember, Aaron,
when we had the passion, darling,
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before it all went away, darling?
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Oh, certainly do, darling.
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But then we replaced it with
our passion for local politics.
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A lot more rewarding, and a lot less
wiping things down afterwards.
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I mean, do I miss Aaron
slipping off his Chinos
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and plunging me into
a world of flesh?
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Sometimes.
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There's something so much more
exciting about power, raw power.
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Keep talking.
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Like when I had you close down
that Italian restaurant
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because the waiter
wouldn't flirt with me.
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Or when I denied Brenda next door
planning permission...
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..because... She had
plastic butterflies on her house.
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She had plastic butterflies
on her house. Mm...
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And that is the problem,
you see? Yes.
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Sexually, nothing turns us off
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more than the thought of having sex.
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But you get us talking about our
abuse of official Council policy...
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Mm!
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..and we are a couple of
very dirty Gerties.
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Dirty Gerties.
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Just a minute. Brad's suffering.
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Yeah, in his past, made-up life,
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he really let himself go.
Just come on.
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Very wise, Brad.
Conserve your energy.
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You're going to need it. Sandra's
going to thoroughly grill you.
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Emotionally. She can see the
poison beneath the surface of
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any relationship,
and squeeze it out like a...
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like an emotional blackhead.
It's true.
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I even did it with mine and Neil's.
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We were together once, but, er,
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then as we developed this therapy
programme, I identified the reasons
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as to why our marriage
was utterly doomed.
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Sandra has, erm, intimacy issues.
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And Neil is needy and weak.
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But we built this business
with our life savings
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so, like many of you, we are adrift
in an ocean of love debt,
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until one of us drowns.
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Bleuh, bleuh, bleuh!
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Angelina, can we leave now, please?!
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No, we have to solve this case.
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What's your rush?
I've stepped on an ants' nest!
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Oh! Please! Help me kill them!
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Kill them all! Oh, Terry...
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Angelina? Yeah?
You didn't take this job
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because you feel like we need
counselling too, did you?
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Oh, what are you like? Well...
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..is that a yes or a no?
Terry, they're on your...
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They're on your face. Ow!
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They're all over your face!
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Get 'em!
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Show 'em who's boss!
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So sad to see.
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They really need this place.
How many are there?!
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So much anger.
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00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:09,560
Please!
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Help me kill 'em! Kill 'em all!
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Ow!
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00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,680
Silence!
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00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:28,000
It's time to break you down,
so you can truly see
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00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,320
the other person for who they are.
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00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:34,000
Have you chosen a soulmate
to journey through life with,
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or just given in and settled?
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00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:40,200
Now, we find out.
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00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,040
We're searching for
truth here, guys,
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00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:44,680
in an exercise we call...
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00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:48,600
..A Shock to the System.
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00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:53,440
Ah... Oh! Brad has a bad feeling
about this. Shut up!
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00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,760
Now, as with our other couples,
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guys, we're going to share
some truths between one another.
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00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:00,800
And if you don't like that truth,
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00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:05,280
you can administer a small
electric shock to your partner.
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00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:09,560
How many volts are in the shock
itself, Neil? Well, we hook it up to
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00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:12,120
a farmer's electric fence
just through that forest there.
216
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:13,880
It's, um...solar-powered.
217
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:16,160
But with the advances in
solar technology,
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00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:19,400
it can give quite a belt.
It can, yes.
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00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:24,560
Suck it up! The pain of
living a lie is worse.
220
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:27,920
Be grateful, guys,
for this learning experience.
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00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,440
It will bring you both together.
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00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:32,040
Can I get a "yep"?
223
00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:33,960
Yep. Yep. Oh, and Devon?
224
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:38,920
You're finally beginning to accept
Beatrice's truth
225
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,640
about conceiving your youngest child
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00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,280
with another man,
227
00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,120
in the car park of a Toby Carvery.
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00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:49,480
Yeah, I'm really starting to feel
that processing going on now.
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00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,840
And I'm starting to forgive Emma
for treating me like an accessory
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00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:56,120
to her influencer life. Yes, Darren,
I accept it was my fault
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00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,360
you were able to give up work
and sit on your backside!
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00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:01,840
There's no blame here, babes.
Safe space, yeah?
233
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,760
OK, Brad, why don't you
tell us the truth...
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00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:09,640
..about Angelina?
Well, to tell you the truth,
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00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,520
she's the best thing
that ever happened to me.
236
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:14,360
No complaints here. As a man, I am
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00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,640
satisfactorily punching
well above my weight.
238
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:19,720
Come on, I can take it. Go on.
239
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:23,000
There is one thing,
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00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,880
though, that really makes me
love Angelina.
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00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:29,640
She's very...task-oriented.
242
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:31,080
Mm, I think there's more.
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00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:33,200
Do you? Mm.
244
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,080
Let it flow, Brad.
245
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:36,840
Let it...flow.
246
00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:41,920
Like, when she was so focused,
247
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:43,600
yeah, in getting us to this retreat,
248
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:49,760
that she completely ignored my plans
for a lovely pre-wedding spa break.
249
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,600
Yes! You're not even married yet?
250
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,520
Oh, my God, get out while you can!
251
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:01,960
Sorry, but it's true.
I wish I'd married your sister!
252
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:06,240
Me too! Angelina, no holding back.
253
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:07,640
Give us your truth,
254
00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:12,960
so we can hear your screams of
relationship-affirming pain.
255
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:17,560
I love that bit!
OK. And I mean this kindly,
256
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:22,000
but I think one of the things
that endears me most about Brad
257
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:25,680
is that he can't stop going
on about our bloody wedding!
258
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:27,880
Well, I can work on that.
259
00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:32,200
Brad, do it! Do it.
260
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,560
It's awesome.
261
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:36,840
He wouldn't dare, to be honest.
262
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,720
Agghhh!
263
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,160
And we're off!
264
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:43,080
That was too far...
265
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,000
Gotcha!
266
00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:52,040
Know what gets my loins moist?
How Angelina disregards
267
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:54,760
every single little thing
that I care about!
268
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:55,800
Agghhh!
269
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:58,120
What really turns me on is how
Brad can whinge
270
00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:01,240
to Olympic standards
about absolutely nothing!
271
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:04,800
Ow! Well, Angelina
breaks wind in her sleep,
272
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:07,000
and blames it on me! Oh!
273
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:10,080
I don't! Fry him! Light him up!
274
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:11,760
Don't be scared, Brad.
275
00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:13,480
Time to ride the lightning, Brad!
276
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:18,400
Evil, evil, evil!
Brad...cried...at...the...end...of
277
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,880
Mam...ma Mi...a!
278
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,800
Agh! OK,
perhaps we'll leave it there.
279
00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:26,280
Seems like a good time
to call it a day. Really?
280
00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:30,000
It was just getting good. We'll
deliver food to your shelters.
281
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:33,000
There's an organic wild mushroom
soup hand-picked by yours truly.
282
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,040
Or bacon sandwiches.
283
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,840
For those of you who enjoy eating
the flesh of innocent animals.
284
00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:40,000
Which, in turn,
is strangling Mother Earth,
285
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,520
not that I'm here to lecture anyone
about that.
286
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:45,560
Yet you always find a way.
Come on, then, lovebirds.
287
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,520
Let's get you disconnected.
288
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:01,600
Agh! Oh, my God, that was amazing.
289
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:04,080
Was it? Yeah!
290
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:05,960
Look at us. Fully undercover.
291
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,800
Brad and Angelina,
slagging each other off!
292
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,640
No-one suspects a thing. Oh!
293
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:12,680
Amazing!
294
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:17,840
So, I did well? Yeah.
295
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:20,040
I was a good boy? Yeah.
296
00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:24,840
I think the electricity's
made my teeth go soft. Aw!
297
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,600
Gemma?
298
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,200
Gemma!
299
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:49,680
Oh...
300
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,880
It stinks. Is that you?
301
00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,120
There's something outside.
302
00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:57,880
Go and take a look,
then, scaredy-pants.
303
00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:02,680
You know, I think we're better off
staying in the sleeping bags.
304
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:06,000
They'll protect us from predators
and...monsters.
305
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:09,640
Fine!
306
00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,200
I'll have a bloody look.
307
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:14,680
And if I see any monsters,
I'll say you're in
308
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:16,280
your impregnable sleeping bag.
309
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:19,480
Agghhhh! Agh...!
310
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,120
Gary!
311
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:27,640
Get out of the bag! Don't want to!
312
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:35,320
Oh!
313
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:39,360
It's all right, it's all right.
314
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,560
He's definitely dead, bless him.
315
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,040
Mm. Yeah, but what's
wrong with his face?
316
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:50,000
Bishop's Balls. I've never seen
a pair, but if you think
317
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:53,280
there's a likeness...?
It's a mushroom. Very poisonous.
318
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:56,360
They grow around here.
He must have...I don't know,
319
00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:58,440
accidentally slipped one
into his mushroom soup.
320
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:01,560
I told him a hundred times
this would happen. The idiot!
321
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:04,640
I don't mean to offend, Sandra,
322
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:07,560
but...this is pretty shocking... Mm.
323
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:09,240
..and you don't seem very upset.
324
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:12,280
Oh, no, I was, a minute ago.
But then I used my advanced
325
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:15,800
therapeutic training to sort of
speed up the grieving process.
326
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:17,720
I'm at peace with it now.
327
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:21,760
Is that possible,
to speed up your feelings?
328
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:25,760
Yes. When my mother died,
I was laughing with the firemen
329
00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:30,320
before they'd even cut her
out of the car. Ha-ha-ha!
330
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:31,960
Night-night!
331
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:36,200
Uh... What? Hang back a bit.
We're going to look for clues.
332
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,080
Oh, please, not on his body!
333
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,360
Oh, my God, no.
Have you seen him?! Ugh!
334
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,200
Right, what's over here?
335
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,560
Oh, Terry, it's a dump.
336
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:48,080
I think I've found something.
337
00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:51,040
What's this?
338
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:54,000
Ah-ha!
339
00:18:55,680 --> 00:19:00,200
Listen to this. "F and D
having an affair. £2,000 paid.
340
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,960
"J stealing from B's mother.
341
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,760
"£3,000 paid.
342
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,240
"Y ran over cat.
343
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:10,280
"Blames neighbour. £5,000 paid."
344
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:12,440
Terry, these aren't just notes.
345
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,560
This is information he's gathered
about the people
346
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,120
on the counselling course -
he's using it to blackmail them.
347
00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:21,240
People with deep pockets. £5,000.
Is the cat going to live with him?!
348
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,960
Permanently?
Keep your eyes peeled here, Terry.
349
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:27,160
There's people with secrets,
and we're going to find out who.
350
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,880
I can't believe this. He's dead!
351
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,320
Dead, Darren! Focus, Emma!
352
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,040
Talk to me about your feelings.
353
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,160
Communicate.
Don't tell me what to do!
354
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,440
All I want to do is post
a picture of a feather,
355
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:46,320
and tell all my followers
an angel just got his wings.
356
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:49,080
Think of the engagement I'd get!
Come on, everyone.
357
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:50,960
Let's buck our spirits up.
358
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:54,360
Has a man accidentally poisoned
himself to death with a mushroom?
359
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:55,880
Yes.
360
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,200
Is that a reason to dilly-dally?
361
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:03,640
No, it's not. No, now we need
to notify the authorities.
362
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,600
Oh, there will be no refunds.
363
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,680
Apologies. Sorry, not sorry.
364
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,160
If you want to complete the therapy,
you'll have to come back again.
365
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:14,120
But I can probably save
you some money. Erm...
366
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:16,560
Darren, you're a parasite, mate.
367
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:18,560
Emma, get out now!
368
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,520
Beatrice and Cornwall... Devon.
369
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,880
Whatever. Take three kids each,
swap them over at the weekends.
370
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,440
Um, Diane and Aaron...
371
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:28,360
I'm Aaron. Switch it
in your mind, mate.
372
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:30,400
I haven't got time. Um...
373
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,440
You're both fixated on power,
374
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,280
and I can turn that into a sexual
dynamic, but just not this weekend,
375
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,320
because I haven't brought
my special gloves.
376
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,240
Angelina, you and Brad, er...
377
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,280
No, I have no words.
378
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,520
OK, that's it, then. Onwards.
379
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:48,480
Erm, is it not quicker
to just go back?
380
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:49,800
Back?
381
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,320
Back? There is no back.
382
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:56,320
No, the Jeep is not meeting us
till the last exercise tomorrow.
383
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:58,640
Can't we just call the Jeep
and tell it to pick us up?
384
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:01,440
Uh, no. I've left my phone
in the Jeep as well.
385
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:04,000
Feeling pretty stupid
about that now,
386
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,520
and I'm trying not
to think about it.
387
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:08,560
Let's go. I know the way.
388
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,120
I think. I do hope so, Sandra.
389
00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:12,520
I've no sense of direction.
390
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:17,000
Aaron's lost me twice in Waitrose.
Always finds me by the yoghurts.
391
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,160
But that's just me,
isn't it, darling?
392
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:20,840
Only culture she's tolerant of.
393
00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:23,800
Come on, everybody.
Follow the stick.
394
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:28,080
I'm flying the flag at half mast,
so keep your eyes on it.
395
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,160
Looks like someone's eaten something
396
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,200
that's disagreed with them.
397
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:57,080
I mean, the last time we had sex
398
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,440
was when he voted for Brexit.
399
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:02,040
It is good for business, darling...
400
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,160
..eventually. Honestly,
401
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:07,080
when we first met,
402
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:09,160
Aaron was so passionate.
403
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:13,440
All corduroy jackets
with elbow patches.
404
00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:18,640
There wasn't a march he wouldn't
go on, like a sexy Jeremy Corbyn.
405
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,840
Darling, what happened to you?
406
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,960
You were all about the common man.
407
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,720
Yes, well, I was...
408
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:27,760
..but then I met him.
409
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:29,520
What, me?!
410
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:32,280
I'm not common. I'm...earthy.
411
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:38,320
Oh, here come the bloody tears!
412
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:43,960
What is it now? Death brings it so
close to me how precious life is.
413
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:48,600
I miss the kids. All of them.
414
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,680
Even the one you had under my nose,
and tried to pass off as mine.
415
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,520
Miss the kids?!
416
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:56,600
Even with the dead body,
this is still
417
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:59,080
the best weekend we've had in years!
418
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:02,720
I'm a mother, Devon.
I don't miss my kids.
419
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:06,360
I go away, recharge, then go
back into battle with them.
420
00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:08,920
Oh, we can't have kids.
421
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,880
At least, not until Emma
signs a deal with a magazine
422
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:13,600
for the baby photo.
423
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,480
Babies don't just happen, Darren.
424
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:17,040
Remember the five-year plan.
425
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:19,600
Yeah! Emma's got a five-year plan.
426
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,600
The main part of the plan being,
I'm not allowed
427
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,520
to make any decisions
for the next five years.
428
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,640
Can we stop? Please!
429
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:31,280
My feet are killing me. Right,
morale's flagging. We need a break.
430
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,720
Let's stop at the sweat lodges.
431
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,800
Maybe the heat
will soothe your feet,
432
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:38,040
and get the weaker ones to SHUT UP!
433
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:39,960
You know who you are!
434
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:03,120
Shame about Neil, isn't it? Indeed.
435
00:24:03,120 --> 00:24:07,640
Although...as a therapist,
he was atrocious.
436
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:09,960
Yeah. Goes without saying. Mm-hmm.
437
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:12,880
He told me that Beatrice's
cheating was in response to
438
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:14,960
a lack of attention from me. Mm.
439
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:17,040
You try getting jiggy with it
when you live in a house where
440
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,280
there's always at least one person
with diarrhoea.
441
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:25,160
True. At all times, there's a little
bit of diarrhoea on me somewhere.
442
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:28,800
Ha! Emma had diarrhoea once, right?
443
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:31,360
So she kept howling at
me from the bathroom,
444
00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:33,440
and I pretended to be out.
445
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:36,000
Still think about that
every time I feel a bit sad.
446
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,120
It's what cheers me up a bit,
do you know what I mean?
447
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:52,640
So, Sandra,
what was Neil like, then?
448
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:54,080
An absolute waste of space.
449
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:57,520
So clingy. I thought
I could make him un-cling,
450
00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:03,400
but...some men are just tragic
little limpets, aren't they? Mm.
451
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,800
Yeah, yeah. Tell me about it.
452
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:07,840
And he was a terrible therapist.
453
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:11,000
You know, I mean, this place'll
be much better off without him.
454
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,200
A hundred per cent.
455
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:16,480
I think Aaron will be happy when
I pop off, if he even notices.
456
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:20,120
Neil helped Darren and I
on our journey towards
457
00:25:20,120 --> 00:25:22,120
Darren acknowledging
I'm the most important,
458
00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:25,280
and he's more of
a background character,
459
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:28,040
you know, in his own life. Right.
460
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:31,280
I liked Neil.
He really helped me see that
461
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:34,600
Devon basically made me have
unprotected sex
462
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:38,400
in a Toby Carvery car park, and
twice in the loading bay of a Lidl.
463
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:41,240
And a little something in the
drive-through of the McDonalds,
464
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:44,160
but nothing to write
home to Mother about.
465
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:49,920
Sandra...
466
00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:52,200
Dear God...
467
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:56,240
Beatrice thinks she's going grey.
Oh, is she, yeah? No!
468
00:25:56,240 --> 00:26:00,480
Oh. Of course not! OK. Every night,
when she's asleep, I stay awake,
469
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:03,640
and I dye a single
hair of hers grey.
470
00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:06,200
Been doing it for years!
471
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:09,520
I'm thinking about poisoning Emma.
Good. Yeah. Good.
472
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:11,280
What?!
473
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:14,200
I'm not. I'm not. No. No.
474
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,080
Have I had that thought?
475
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:19,280
Yeah, yeah. Obviously.
476
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:21,920
Would I do anything about it?
477
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:30,520
Obviously not! Very
probably not, yeah.
478
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:32,040
Such a shame. Yeah.
479
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:35,320
It's just, for someone who gets
thousands of likes,
480
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:36,840
she's not very likeable.
481
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:38,480
She's awful. Mm.
482
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:43,440
Is it not a bit hot? Nobody else?
483
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:48,160
I think I can feel a kidney
popping out.
484
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:52,680
Oh, heat doesn't bother me. I did
a whole season in Ibiza, darling.
485
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:54,160
Didn't need deodorant once.
486
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:57,720
But this is a...oh,
it's a sexy heat.
487
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:01,360
Reminds me of making
love to Galway Girl,
488
00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:03,920
by Ed Sheeran, in a Swedish sauna.
489
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:08,680
Hands strumming on me as fast as
Ed's on his teeny-tiny guitar.
490
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:13,720
Are you all right, Angelina? Huh?
491
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:15,680
Me? Yeah.
492
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,080
Just have to go home.
493
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:21,680
Mum says she's seen me smoking
cigarettes with the older girls.
494
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:24,960
We've got a fainter!
495
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:26,360
I'll get the first-aid kit.
496
00:27:26,360 --> 00:27:28,720
Give her some Calpol.
It works on everything.
497
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:30,600
Angelina, stop sweating!
498
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:33,240
It's unattractive. Get her out!
499
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:36,640
Her hair! Get her by her hair.
500
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:38,040
Get out of the way!
501
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:39,840
Angelina's fainted. Don't panic.
502
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:42,920
Angelina?
503
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:45,440
She's with me! What?
504
00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:53,880
Angelina's fainted! Nobody panic!
505
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:56,040
No! Come on, Angelina.
506
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:58,040
Come back to me. Somebody help!
507
00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,440
My legs have gone.
508
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:01,320
I've fallen into the fire.
509
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:03,520
I'll get her.
510
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:05,480
Come on, Angelina. What, what...?
511
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:09,880
Diana, my darling.
512
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:13,320
I apologise if it's not the
right time to mention this,
513
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:14,920
but I am afraid...
514
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:18,480
..that I've been pierced.
515
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:20,480
Oh, my God!
516
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:26,680
Aaron! No!
517
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:28,920
Sorry, can I just say,
I'm definitely not liable for this.
518
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:32,840
This was not a coincidence. Whoever
did this must have poisoned Neil.
519
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:34,880
Oh, Aaron!
520
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:38,520
Darling. Are you missing
the kids YET, Beatrice?!
521
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:40,720
And he's got one of those
bow and arrow things,
522
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:42,880
like the one that woman invented
in the Hunger Games.
523
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:45,000
Where are they shooting us from?
524
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:48,360
She's right. Somebody's
watching us from over there.
525
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,200
Right, everybody,
get behind the tent.
526
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:52,040
Sandra, come on, help me, please.
527
00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:55,240
Grab her by the hair! It's the only
way! No! I'm fine, I'm fine!
528
00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:59,440
Oh! Oh! Run! Run! Run!
529
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:01,120
Ow! I told you we shouldn't
530
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:02,560
have come! Oh, now?
531
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:03,960
You want to do this now?
532
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:06,320
You know how reluctant
your mum is to take the kids.
533
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:09,160
We've wasted this weekend.
We could die here.
534
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:10,880
Oh, it'll be you that dies,
won't it?
535
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:13,480
Leaving me with the children,
always taking the easy option.
536
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:16,200
I'm not going. I am not leaving
537
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:17,880
Aaron here alone!
538
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:21,120
Diana, you're injured. Patch
yourself up while you whinge.
539
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:23,160
I think Aaron would want you to come
540
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:24,960
with us, so we can
keep you safe. Yeah?
541
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,640
I know Brad would want that,
if the arrow had hit him,
542
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:30,440
piercing his heart,
most probably both his lungs.
543
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:33,240
Nice sentiment. Bit technical.
544
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:35,200
Diana, come on, you can do this.
Come on.
545
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:38,160
Yes, you're right.
I'll grieve as we run.
546
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:40,360
If that's all right with everyone?
Yeah.
547
00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:42,320
OK, we're going to leg it down
that pathway.
548
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:45,200
First, we're going to grab our
essentials, OK? We're going to go
549
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:47,320
in three... Let's go! Go!
550
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:56,360
Come on! Come on, hurry up!
551
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:04,600
Come on!
552
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:08,080
Why are you in a mood? Cos when you
said grab the essentials,
553
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:11,560
I thought you meant survival
equipment. Yeah. Not clothes.
554
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:14,600
I mean, look at my back. Just...
555
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:18,040
I've got some stuff you borrow,
Brad, but it's my night-time gear.
556
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:21,360
She's got night-time gear.
Oh, great, night-time attire!
557
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:22,840
We're saved!
558
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:37,920
New podcast entry.
559
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:40,920
As the disaster unfolds
around us, Angelina,
560
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:45,320
one question - happy with
our little escapade, are we?
561
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:47,600
Well, we've got two dead bodies.
562
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:49,360
And?
563
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:51,440
Literally everyone's a suspect.
564
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:54,680
And we could be where right now?
565
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:57,600
In a five-star hotel,
planning our wedding.
566
00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:00,120
But instead, we are...?
567
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:03,320
Stranded in the wilderness,
568
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:06,120
with a crossbow-wielding murderer,
whose identity we don't yet know.
569
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:08,400
And I am currently...?
570
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:11,840
Say it, Angelina.
571
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:13,520
You're a "hot bitch".
572
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:17,040
So maybe we...?
573
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:21,000
Shouldn't have come at all.
574
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,960
What a breakthrough! Ha!
575
00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:26,120
As long as we're on the same page.
576
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:37,720
I'm pretty sure it's that way.
577
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:41,040
No, I seem to remember
it's that way.
578
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:42,520
But you know,
don't trust me, darling.
579
00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:46,840
Come to think of it, you're right.
It's by those sycamores. This way!
580
00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:50,760
You remember, Diana?
581
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:52,000
You've been here before?
582
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:56,920
Oh, yes. Four times.
583
00:31:56,920 --> 00:32:00,040
Aaron just couldn't face a life
where us getting divorced
584
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:03,920
might make him face
a challenging re-election!
585
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,400
Diana's at stage six of grieving -
586
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:08,800
annoying the hell out of
the rest of us.
587
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:10,720
So let's get a shift on!
588
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:13,160
We're nearly at base camp.
I can radio for help,
589
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:15,120
and we never have to see her again.
590
00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:17,360
Can you contact head office as well?
591
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:19,720
Head office?
There is no head office.
592
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,080
It's just me and Neil. Or it was.
593
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:26,680
You said their head office contacted
you about the death threats.
594
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:28,240
I know.
595
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:29,880
What if we've been set up?
596
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:34,680
I'll figure out what those initials
on Neil's book mean if it kills us.
597
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:37,440
Us?! Be extra vigilant.
598
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:41,320
Oh, sorry. Yeah, because up to now,
I've only been medium vigilant!
599
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,640
How silly of me! Nuh-nuh!
600
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:46,320
For God's sake, hurry up!
601
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:49,200
Do you want to be left all alone
in this world like Diana?!
602
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:50,680
No.
603
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:03,880
Count yourself lucky.
604
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:07,440
I think this is going to get
very, very messy.
605
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:40,560
Having fun? Oh, yeah.
606
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:42,640
Just keep doing what you're doing.
607
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:45,760
Everything is going to
work out perfectly.
608
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:50,360
Oh, thank God! This is it.
609
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:52,160
The final exercise.
610
00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:56,280
Now, I know we're exposed. Just try
to avoid getting shot, and run.
611
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:57,880
He can't kill us all!
612
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:21,840
Oh! Brad's hit a mine!
613
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:26,080
You what?! Everybody, freeze! Oh!
614
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:28,720
Did you just say, "hit a mine"?
615
00:34:28,720 --> 00:34:32,400
We call this exercise
The Emotional Minefield,
616
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:34,240
but don't worry, it's metaphorical.
617
00:34:34,240 --> 00:34:35,800
Oh, thank God!
618
00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:38,400
What the bloody hell's that?
619
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:41,200
Jesus Christ!
620
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:42,320
Ooh.
621
00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:44,080
Oh!
622
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:46,000
In many ways,
I'm not shocked at all.
623
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:49,120
It's the murderer.
They've laid a trap for us.
624
00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:51,120
Guys, my heart!
625
00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:53,520
Why?!
626
00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:55,840
We were so perfect together.
627
00:34:55,840 --> 00:35:00,200
A new angel has got its wings.
628
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:03,800
All that's left are
a few hundred thousand selfies.
629
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:06,640
Sandra, Gemma, I'm scared!
630
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:09,280
It'll be all right, Diana.
631
00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:11,480
We're going to get us out of here.
632
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:14,680
Just keep still. This is rubbish!
633
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:16,520
This is supposed to be our
634
00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:19,040
make-it-or-break-it
weekend, Beatrice,
635
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:20,960
to decide if we want to
stay together.
636
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:23,800
I do want to stay together.
637
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:27,120
I've realised that my love for
the life we've built together
638
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:30,600
far outweighs the hate
that I feel for you.
639
00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:35,440
I'm so glad you said that!
640
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:37,320
I forgive you for all the affairs.
641
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:40,440
I don't care how many of the kids
are actually mine.
642
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:42,200
I mean, I had a vasectomy
after the fourth one,
643
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:45,000
so we probably need to have
a conversation about that.
644
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,400
But...I was going to propose again.
645
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:51,920
A second marriage. You can do
all of that. Just don't move!
646
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:55,000
See? Our counselling works!
647
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:58,480
Beatrice Smith... You don't
have to do this now, Devon.
648
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:01,480
Just put it off, like you have been
with the grouting in the bathroom.
649
00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:03,880
I'll understand. Devon, no...
650
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:06,640
Will you marry me...one more time?
651
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:08,280
Of course I will!
652
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:09,680
Thank God!
653
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:17,560
Bugger!
654
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:27,440
Will everyone stop moving?!
655
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:33,200
And exploding! I am meant to
be being pampered right now,
656
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:35,040
in a hotel I can't afford.
657
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:37,480
But look at me! Look at me!
658
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:41,320
This is possibly THE worst day
of my entire life.
659
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:46,080
I'm going to need more therapy after
this than we needed when we arrived!
660
00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:47,760
We're going to get Diana here out,
661
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:51,440
then I'll be back for you,
my love, OK? Right, Diana...
662
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:55,040
..grab my hand.
663
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:57,760
We're just going to retrace
my steps, OK?
664
00:36:57,760 --> 00:37:00,800
Get you to safety. The mines...
665
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:02,480
Don't worry about them.
666
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:05,560
I've just figured out
who the killer is.
667
00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:07,560
Ah... Who is it, darling?
668
00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:11,080
It's you.
669
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,040
Isn't it, darling? Uh...
670
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:15,360
Hmm?
671
00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:20,760
I don't see what you think
I could have done.
672
00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:24,200
Lost, out here, in the wilderness?
673
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:27,560
Lost, are you?
It's funny, cos you told us that
674
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:30,520
you always get lost in Waitrose,
yet you seemed
675
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:33,200
pretty sure of your way back
by those sycamore trees.
676
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:37,400
That was your first lie. Oh! That
was just a lucky guess, darling.
677
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:42,480
I mean, I must have recognised it
from last time. Oh, really?
678
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:45,480
You told us that you and Aaron
hadn't had sex
679
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:48,400
since the Brexit referendum,
then in the sweat lodge,
680
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:51,120
you told me that you enjoyed
making love to Galway Girl.
681
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:56,280
Ha! And?! Well, I don't know much
about politics, Diana,
682
00:37:56,280 --> 00:38:00,000
I really don't, but I bloody know
my stuff about Ed Sheeran,
683
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:03,040
and he released Galway Girl in 2017,
684
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:06,080
and that is after
the Brexit referendum.
685
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:11,280
So, who's been strumming you like
Ed's teeny-tiny guitar, then, hm?
686
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:16,280
"F and D are having an affair.
£2,000 paid."
687
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:21,240
She must be the D! Yeah, exactly.
688
00:38:21,240 --> 00:38:23,480
She's been strumming with an F.
689
00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:26,000
Neil blackmailed you
about your affair,
690
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:27,760
so you crept into his tent
691
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:30,760
and slipped some Bishop's
Balls in his mouth. Hmm?
692
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:38,560
I bet if the police checked
Neil's bank account,
693
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:41,080
they'd see it was you
who paid the £2,000.
694
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:44,120
This is absolute nonsense.
Oh, and as for poor Aaron...
695
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:46,320
You have no proof
that I killed Aaron.
696
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:49,600
I wasn't even anywhere near him.
Oh, but you were, weren't you?
697
00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:52,720
You told us in the sweat lodge
that heat doesn't affect you.
698
00:38:52,720 --> 00:38:54,600
Then next thing we know,
your legs have gone
699
00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:58,040
and you've fallen in the fire.
Oh, how convenient! I bet if we took
700
00:38:58,040 --> 00:38:59,640
that bandage off your burnt arm,
701
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:02,080
we'd see that there was
nothing wrong with it.
702
00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:05,520
What a surprise!
703
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:07,600
You hid the weapon in advance,
didn't you?
704
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:09,400
Because you've been here before,
haven't you?
705
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:12,680
And you knew where to put it
that no-one could find it.
706
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:21,280
Ugh!
707
00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:24,760
Agh! Somebody help,
my legs have gone!
708
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:26,960
I've fallen into the fire!
709
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:30,120
You think you're so clever,
don't you?
710
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:34,240
Who are you to accuse me? Oh, I
think you know exactly who I am.
711
00:39:34,240 --> 00:39:36,920
Because she used your real name!
712
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:38,840
Sandra?
713
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:40,320
Gemma?
714
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:41,880
I'm scared.
715
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:43,920
I was about to say that!
716
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:45,960
That's how I figured the
whole bloody thing out.
717
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:47,360
I can't believe it!
718
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:51,160
I've solved another murder. No, you
haven't. I said it out loud first.
719
00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:52,360
Shut up!
720
00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:54,160
Yes, it was me.
721
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:56,560
No way?!
I know your real name because
722
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:58,880
I listen to your podcast, you idiot!
723
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:02,680
You're our listener? Good to know
our fan base is homicidal.
724
00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:05,960
Yes, I've listened to every episode,
and I thought,
725
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:10,800
"These two are a complete pair
of morons." It's our brand.
726
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:13,520
I was even
the Welsh woman who rang you
727
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:15,680
from head office. You're
pretty cocky for someone
728
00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:19,160
who's just got caught.
Oh, I haven't been caught!
729
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:21,960
No! I am going to walk off
730
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:25,240
and disappear into the wilderness.
731
00:40:25,240 --> 00:40:27,000
It may have slipped your mind,
732
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:29,040
but you are standing in a minefield,
733
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:31,600
and only I know where
they're buried. And don't think
734
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,280
because you are standing up there
that you are safe.
735
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:36,040
They're everywhere!
736
00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:38,560
This was my last trap,
737
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:42,560
in case the crossbow failed, or
the Bishop's Balls didn't work.
738
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:46,360
I really only wanted to kill
Aaron and Neil,
739
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:49,560
but I needed a back-up.
Just in case.
740
00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:53,280
Aw! It's been nice knowing you.
741
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:56,000
Forgive me if I don't keep in touch,
though, won't you?
742
00:41:00,720 --> 00:41:02,360
Terry...
743
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:06,560
Agghhhh!
744
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:21,040
That was for Neil!
745
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:24,280
Aw! Because you actually really
loved him, and it was his death
746
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:26,080
that made you see that?
747
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:28,160
No, because he was mine!
748
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:30,760
Mine to belittle and destroy!
749
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:33,520
And SHE took that away from me!
750
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:35,040
I see your point.
751
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:38,600
Right, we're going to have
to flag down the next car.
752
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:42,480
Hello?
753
00:41:46,240 --> 00:41:49,040
The bomb squad were nice when they
got you out of there, weren't they?
754
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:51,480
Mm. Yeah.
755
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:53,760
Gave me a lollipop for being
a brave boy.
756
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:57,720
You WERE a brave boy.
Brad and Angelina. Gemma and Terry.
757
00:41:57,720 --> 00:42:00,280
I just wanted to say...
No, you don't have to thank us.
758
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:03,240
No, I was going to say that
you two are
759
00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:06,640
the worst couple we
have ever, ever had.
760
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:10,120
Here's your phones back. Thanks.
761
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:11,840
There we go.
762
00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:13,240
And all the best.
763
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:21,960
She did mean Brad and Angelina,
didn't she? Yeah.
764
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:23,920
What a pair they are! Oh! Tell me...
765
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:26,000
Jokers! Losers!
766
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:29,120
Losers. Yeah.
Destined to be unhappy forever.
767
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:31,440
Has-beens!
768
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:34,520
There is one thing still bothering
me, though. Hmm?
769
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:37,360
When I was looking up the hill
at the sweat lodge,
770
00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:39,880
I'm certain I saw someone
in them woods.
771
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:43,320
I doubt it. You were probably
hallucinating from the heat.
772
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:45,960
Yeah.
773
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:49,000
Most likely that.
Anyway, come on, you.
774
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:52,320
Let's get you to that hotel
for a therapeutic mud bath
775
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:55,480
and an essential oils facial.
776
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:57,000
Keep talking. All right.
777
00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:00,760
So, then we might take
a quick little walk down the aisle,
778
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:02,760
and you might bag yourself a wife.
779
00:43:06,240 --> 00:43:11,320
So, after the worst day of
my entire life,
780
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:14,400
we walk off into the sunset
and get married.
781
00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:18,440
Who knows what terrors await us
782
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:20,760
at our five-star hotel?
783
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:23,680
With spa, conferencing centre
784
00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:25,560
and banqueting facilities.
785
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:38,680
So, can I get in there now?
786
00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:40,880
Ruin their lives?
787
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:43,560
Like you promised. Oh, yes.
788
00:43:43,560 --> 00:43:46,680
I think we've found
the perfect time for it.
789
00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:50,800
This is going to be epic!
790
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:00,920
# I'm on my way
791
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:05,520
# Driving at 90
792
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:08,440
# Down those country lanes
793
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:12,800
# Singing to Tiny Dancer
794
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:15,640
# And I miss the way
795
00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:19,040
# You make me feel
796
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:22,360
# It's real, when we watched
the sunset... #
60971
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