Original subtitles

Previously on L .A. Law. What would you be looking for in the way of

compensation?

72 .5.

He's a winner.

I want him to be our winner.

Obviously, his salary demands are totally out of line.

I'm pulling rank, Douglas.

And I guess you bought yourself a lawyer.

I hope you haven't bought all of us a giant headache as well.

I happen to have raised $5 ,000 for the homeless, Douglas. I also happen to have

shattered last year's record held by Stan Kagan, the Beverly Hills

I'm not surprised.

You're probably more experienced in the field.

Sooner or later, we're going to have to discuss the implications of your pending

nuptials. What implications?

Just that most other firms around town find it awkward to have married partners

working together. Douglas, this is not the time. I'm only suggesting that

perhaps the more expendable partner could resign. That's enough.

Miss Kelsey accosted me in the garage this morning. She demanded apologies for

my remarks yesterday regarding your hypothetical resignation.

If I have a problem with Douglas Brackman, I'll solve it myself.

Stuart, I was angry with him.

Yeah, but the result was you embarrassed me, Ann. You belittled me.

Discussion is now called to order.

Honorable Justice Douglas Brackman presiding.

I see that our docket is quite full, and accordingly...

Let us proceed to our first case.

$200. I pay for a talking bird, and all it does is cut me. Can you talk for

Judge Brackman?

Hello? Well, Mr. Whedon, it seems... You're a wimp.

Hey, is he?

Jackass. You're in contempt.

So, I go to his house, but the place is lit with like a thousand candles. Weird,

okay? So, I go to the living room, and there's like this box, like this...

and the $200 is lying on top of it, so I go over there, and this old guy is

lying there totally nude. So I start freaking out and screaming and

and all of a sudden he pops out, and he starts moaning like... That

was Mr. Ludlow. Tell him if I made... No, I mean, I'm totally flipped out. I

mean, I got right on out of there.

Later, I figured that's probably what does it for him, the screams.

Your Honor, the absurdity of this young girl.

I said quiet.

And I will ask you to refrain from further commentary until Miss Schiff has

completed her testimony.

Continue, please.

Well, that's it. Except for the next day when I went back to get my money. He

gives me some story about how I didn't do it right and how he's not going to

me anything.

Now, sir, do you dispute the veracity of how you enticed this innocent girl to

your home for the purpose of satisfying your base sexual desires?

How dare you? I am an artist.

Do you know nothing of the performance art, the work?

Of the great Christo or the Korean Sun Paek Lee who rolled his naked body

broken glass in a lyric orgy of self -mutilation?

I know about masturbators, sir. How dare you again?

How dare you?

You are a despoiler of young womanhood. Not only do I award her damages in the

amount of $200, but I fully intend to refer this matter to the district

for prosecution.

Next case.

The art is in the moment.

I'm not answerable to your authority, and I defy you.

You what? You think art is some rectangular thing you hang over your

sofa?

That's it.

You're in contempt. You're the contemptible one.

That's why you're getting all this.

Don't stop further.

You have no culture.

You're nothing.

You have no culture.

You're primitive.

Wellman versus Chernoff. With the perquisites that partnership implies, I

thought I might turn this little beauty over to one of our two new associates.

A trial?

Definitely. Then I want it.

Listen to the facts first.

Our client, Bruce Wellman, 34, is driving his classic Aston Martin, the

his life. The only thing he really wanted me to try and save during his

ugly divorce.

It's raining hard. He skids off onto the soft shoulder of an isolated road up in

Latigo Canyon.

The car sits balanced precariously on a cliff, while Bruce sits in the car, too

scared to move.

Finally, a miracle. Someone drives by, and even more miraculously, actually

stops to help. A 23 -year -old short -order cook named George Chernoff. Well,

Bruce tells him to go down to the Pacific Coast Highway and call the CHP

help.

But by now, it's raining pretty hard, and George thinks it's a little too

dangerous to leave Bruce perched there on the cliff. So, George opens the door,

and holding his breath cautiously, ever so cautiously pulls him to safety.

They both breathe a huge sigh of relief, only unfortunately, with Bruce out,

the car rolls down the cliff.

Our client is suing the guy that saved his life? Right.

For murdering his car. What about insurance?

Well, Bruce says they won't value classic cars. Besides, the real bottom

he wants revenge.

Excuse me, but with all due respect, why have we taken this case?

Bruce Wellman is the son of Ross Wellman, one of our biggest corporate

Kleinberg.

Your call.

Heads.

Tails.

Jonathan, you're either free to take this turkey, or you can fob it off onto

Miss Kleinberg.

On to more serious matters.

Franklin versus Washington Pure Water Company. Miss Kelsey, could you

it? I mean, that's what we drink here.

There's nothing actually wrong with the stuff, is there? Absolutely nothing.

After months of discovery, all the plaintiff can come up with is some half

-baked theory that since their own personal well had certain chemicals in

Those chemicals must have somehow gotten there from Washington Pure Water's

plant, which happened to be next door to them. And since their visiting daughter

drank water from the well during her pregnancy and gave birth to a deaf and

blind infant, it must be Washington Pure Water's fault.

What's the jury like here?

Impartial as I can hope for when dealing with something as emotional as a birth

defect. Well, from personal experience, lot to luck. Should we be recommending a

quick settlement?

I'd advise against offering them anything, not even nuisance value.

In the long run, all that does is breed more nuisance suits. My way of thinking,

that's bad for our whole profession.

Oh, while I have the floor, may I remind you all of the fundraiser this evening

for the Los Angeles Lawyers Constitutional Rights Association.

Now, I realize you all have many pulls on your time and your money, and I don't

want to exert any undue influence, but this cause, it's dear to me.

And to show support.

That would be appreciated.

Ambassador Hotel, 7 o 'clock.

We're adjourned.

What do you got there?

Just working on something.

I suspected.

Dreaded typist shoulder.

You okay?

Mm -hmm.

You know something, Arnie? You are almost irresistible.

Almost? Don't you think that may just be the saddest word in the English

language?

If we weren't working together.

What does that got to do with anything?

Well, see, I'm just the teeniest bit worried that you might not respect me in

the morning. Oh, come on.

Let's say, just for the sake of argument, let's say that I let you have

with me.

And then, as men have been known to do, you grow tired of me, so... Now what? I

mean, I'm kind of a drag to have around every day, right?

You know, I bet you could even argue that anyone who was such a pushover for

might compromise the firm with a client.

Leslie, don't you think you're giving me too little credit here?

So you raise the issue reluctantly, of course, at a partner's meeting, and the

next thing you know, bang, I'm out of here.

You can't really believe that I would do something like that.

I don't know.

Call me crazy, call me paranoid.

Call me an old schoolmate of last year's clerk.

You might remember her, Lisa Weston.

Miss Franklin, did you drink the water from the trailer park's well during your

entire pregnancy?

Yes, I did. Unaware it was contaminated with toxic chemicals from defendant's

plant. Objection. Leading and assuming fact's not in evidence.

Sustained. Sorry.

Did you know the water was contaminated with toxic chemicals from defenders? I

object. Sustained. That's a cheap trick. There was no evidence where those

chemicals came from, and he knows it.

Objection. Counselor. If he's going to make little speeches, so am I. No,

not. Both of you, stop it.

Miss Franklin, could you describe for the court the medical condition of your

daughter? The defense stipulates that Marcia Franklin was born blind in one

and completely deaf and that this condition is permanent. Her client

the earth with deadly toxic waste and she doesn't have the decency to let the

mother of this poor child tell her story. Both of you are out of order.

Please, stop it.

Mrs. Franklin.

My daughter, she can't see and she can't hear.

And all of you are jumping up and down about all this stuff I don't even

understand.

Mrs. Franklin, please.

I must ask that you sit down.

It's my baby.

Leland McKenzie show.

Don't you ever get fed up playing second banana to that man?

They might as well take your name off the letterhead.

What am I talking about, your name? Your father's name.

My father was never a judge.

Neither was Leland.

Excuse me, but dressing up in a polyester smock for that ridiculous

court doesn't make you a judge.

Sheila, stop.

You're 44 years old, Douglas. When are you ever going to accomplish something

with your life?

So the realtor finally takes me to this place.

At $300 ,000, maybe a little out of your price range, she says.

And then we walk in, and it's incredible.

Fireplace in the bedroom, panoramic views of the city.

But we all know the first rule of negotiation.

Play it cool, right?

So how cool am I?

I'm crazy about it. I mean, I just blurt it out.

I'd kill a client if they did anything that stupid.

No, I know what you mean.

For somebody else, I can be totally eloquent.

For myself, I'm a total dud.

So you're going to buy it?

On my salary, it's a stretch.

You know, I'm not really sure that this is any of my business, Jonathan.

But I'm going to ask anyway.

How much are they paying you?

I'm not real comfortable with this, Abby.

I could easily find out.

$72 ,500.

What?

It was kind of a unique situation.

Thank you.

Two white wines, please. Yes, sir.

Well, well, Miss Kelsey.

Mr. Hatcher.

Your people are guilty, you know.

I might not be able to prove it, but Washington Pure Water Company is

that well. Hey, pal, this is the party. Yeah, eat, drink, and be merry while the

earth is being infected with deadly poison.

Who cares about a few more deformed babies?

I really don't think this is the appropriate time. Well, look, hey.

I'm entitled to my opinion. Oh, yes. Yes, and as host of this affair, I'm

entitled to ask you to leave.

Shall we have a good time or exercise our respective rights?

Now that we've done our bit for charity, how about a graceful exit?

Mickey?

I thought that was you.

Ma 'am.

Oh, God, it's good to see you.

It's been forever.

You look great.

You too. What are you doing here?

I live here now.

I'm practicing law again.

If you can call business affairs and movie studio law.

Excuse me, I'm Lynn Palmer.

Great fellow.

How do you do? I heard you got married. Got a couple of kids.

Yeah. Got divorced again, too.

Sorry. It's all right.

Happens.

Well, I better be going.

Mickey, you know what?

I'm going to call you for lunch.

I'd really like to catch up.

Bye -bye.

Who was that?

My ex -wife.

Let's go.

What's the rush?

We are about to have a very big fight, and I think it would be better if it

didn't take place in the middle of this room.

It is such a betrayal. How could you not tell me?

Grace, it was over 12 years ago. It has nothing to do with us.

Michael, you're lying to me. That has a lot to do with us. I didn't lie to you.

You never asked me. Damn it.

This is not the kind of question you should have to ask. Not when you love

someone. Not when you live with them for a year.

Please, would you drop this now?

This is a subject that happens to be very hard for me. Hard for you?

God, you are the most selfish, egocentric... All right!

All right.

You remember I told you before that my father was dead?

Well, the truth is that he bailed out on me and my mother when I was 10 years

old. He just walked.

No note?

No, nothing.

If I wanted to, I couldn't even find the son of a bitch.

He nearly killed my mother.

I don't think she ever got over it.

But I swore to myself that when I got married, I would never do that to my

no matter what.

Well, isn't that great?

I ended up doing the same thing to Lynn that my father did to my mother.

So, Grace, how could I explain it to you when I couldn't even face it myself?

All right.

I didn't mean to lie to you.

Oh, Mickey.

Come in.

I just want to thank you for the beautiful flowers.

Not at all, Miss Vosick. You saved my life.

Am I terrible if I tell you this?

Ever since I was first assigned to your courtroom, I've had these dreams

about us.

Even though I know they'll never come true, because a man as principled and

decent as you...

would never betray his wife or his sexual relationship, even if it meant

were no strings attached and no one ever had to find out.

Of course.

Who among us doesn't have his own subterranean pockets of evil?

You. I believe you're committed to being a good husband and an upstanding judge,

and that commitment allows you to overcome temptation.

Where I'm weak...

You're strong.

Where I might give in to just drop everything and let myself be ravaged

here on this desktop, that's not what you're about.

So thank you for not suggesting we slip out to a motel at lunchtime,

for not locking the door and ripping my clothes off.

Thank you for your strength.

We truck in pure mountain spring water from Washington State.

Then at our own plant, we filter that water through clay to remove any

impurities. Would it have been possible for the dumping of these clay filters to

in any way have caused damage to the plaintiff's well?

It would be a scientific impossibility.

Objection. This man is not an expert, Your Honor. He's the CEO of Washington

Pure Water, and he has no foundation whatsoever to render scientific

He has information relating to the issue of safety, Your Honor. Your Honor, that

has nothing to do with what... Their complaint asks for punitive damages

predicated on the allegation that he knew of the hazards.

His state of mind, therefore, is directly in issue. I'm going to overrule

objection. Mr. Young.

You're aware of the charge that nickel is leaching from your fields into the

trailer park well water? We perform quarterly tests on our fields, and we

routinely find nickel to be present in our own groundwater at two parts per

billion. Two parts. That means that if any of it at all were to find its way to

that well, which is extremely unlikely since it's a half mile away...

it would have to be substantially under two parts.

And is it your opinion that two parts per billion is not a health risk? It's

just my opinion. The Environmental Protection Agency says that anything

.4 parts per billion is safe.

I'm really sorry for what happened to that little girl, but there's absolutely

no way that my company had anything to do with it.

Thank you.

No further questions.

Come in.

Victor. Hi. I've got to talk to you.

Sure.

Do you know how much they're paying John Rollins?

Uh -uh.

$72 ,500 a year.

You're kidding.

Do I look like I'm kidding?

Victor, he's a year out of law school.

$72 ,500?

Now, I was thinking, maybe if we make our case together, you know, united

because, I mean, if he is making $72 ,500...

We should each be making at least that.

No offense, Abby, but I think I'm more comfortable talking to Leland alone.

Oh.

You don't sound thrilled.

You just told me I'm not in your league.

Oh, come on, Abby, that isn't it. No, Victor, it's okay.

Forget it.

I hope you get your raise.

Hey, aren't you supposed to be in court on that vehicular manslaughter?

Vehicular manslaughter? You know, the guy who killed the car.

Vehicular manslaughter. You know, the guy who killed the car.

How'd the deposition go?

Long. Exceedingly long.

Any calls?

Yeah. Ruth Selig called. I told her we'd send those documents over by messenger.

And, uh, Ross Hartman phoned. He wants to see you on a new matter.

A Lynn Palmer.

She wouldn't say what it was regarding.

And Dave Leeson. Did Lynn Palmer leave her number?

Mm -hmm. You want me to get her for you?

No, that's all right. All right. What about Ross Hartman? You know, try Lynn

Palmer for me, okay?

Sure.

Mr. Hatcher, to what do I owe the pleasure?

This was given to me this afternoon by an engineer who used to work for your

clients.

How do I know this isn't made up? His declaration is attached.

And you're free to try and shake him when I call him to the witness stand.

Now, I'm going to assume the reason you didn't produce this document is because

you didn't know about it.

I didn't.

Good. And for $3 million, nobody else has to either.

That's a lot of money, Mr. Hatcher. Not compared to the cost to Washington Pure

Water if this information becomes public.

Do you mind?

Our confidential internal research presents strong new evidence that levels

nickel and cadmium as low as one part per billion.

may cause birth defects and or cancer, and further, that the presence of both

these chemicals together increases the carcinogenic effects of each, possibly

fatal proportions.

Three million bucks, Miss Kelsey.

We read that little note for everybody.

Leland, I just heard some news that doesn't sit real well with me.

Are you paying John Rollins $72 ,500 a year?

Where did you hear that? I heard it.

The truth?

You're asking me to reveal another associate's compensation. I can't do

However, I can tell you that whatever we're paying John, his was a unique

negotiation which shouldn't affect you or anyone else. What is that supposed to

mean? He was a very attractive candidate.

A number of firms were in the bidding.

To be competitive, we felt we had to be able to match their offers.

In other words, a black from Harvard is worth $72 ,500 and a Chicano from

Glendale with four years in a PD's office is only worth $60?

I'd hate to leave, but if I'm going to stay on, I've got to have a raise.

Associate review will be coming up in two months' time. You've been doing fine

work.

I'm sure the partners will give your situation every consideration.

I need an answer now. Victor.

You're painting yourself into a corner it may not be so easy to get out of. I

not trying to be a prima donna, Leland.

But if I've got to go around here feeling shortchanged and resentful,

that's no good for anybody, is it?

What, uh... would it take to make you happy?

72 -6.

Is that an ultimatum?

Yeah.

I think it is.

Hey,

wait a minute. What are you doing? You can't just... Ms.

Kelsey. I'm sorry. She just walked in.

That's okay.

Whatever it is, though, can it wait till tomorrow?

Late for dinner.

How do you do it?

You know this stuff is fatal, and you just go on doing it.

The levels are within environmental standards.

There's nothing. If the EPA had access to this research, they'd shut you down

a second.

Where'd you get this? An engineer who used to work here gave it to the

plaintiff's council.

He gave it to me, along with a demand for $3 million.

Offer two.

What?

Settle a case.

And you'll just go on dumping chemicals?

It would cost us $15 million to clean up that dump site. You're making a

business decision that it's cheaper to kill and maim people than to clean up

that dump? You can't be so naive to think that companies don't place costs

human lives.

The automobile manufacturers could make a perfectly safe car if they wanted to,

only it would cost more than a house and nobody would buy it.

Oil spills could be prevented entirely, but gasoline would cost three bucks a

gallon, and who would stand for that?

This is different. This is people. It's the exact same equation.

And in our case, we're balancing $15 million cleanup costs against the

lawsuits of the 300 people who live in the park.

Factor into it that most are elderly and will die before the chemicals will

affect them. Factor into it that without this memo, it'll be a very difficult

claim to prove.

Factor into it that these random lawsuits can probably be disposed of at

three hundred thousand a pop.

The reality is...

There's only one business option here.

We go on doing what we're doing, and you settle the case.

Thank you, Counselor.

And have

you driven in Latigo Canyon often, Mr. Wellman? Oh, yes. I used to take the

Aston Martin up there as often as I could. Give her a little exercise, you

Of all the canyons, Latigo was her favorite. Now, did anything unusual

this particular occasion?

Well, yes.

There was a deer in the middle of the road.

So, naturally, you swerved over to the shoulder to avoid hitting it.

Damn straight.

You hit one of those things, it'll totally destroy the front alignment of

car. Anyway, I avoid hitting the animal. But I wind up practically hanging over

the cliff.

And to add insult to injury, I'm too far out in the boonies for my car phone to

work. So I just sit there.

And eventually that man, Chernov, came along.

I tell him to go get the CHP.

Oh, no.

Gotta be a big macho hero and do it himself.

So he jerks me out of the car, practically dislocating my shoulder,

the car door while he's at it.

And that's when the car started rolling.

My beautiful Aston.

Nothing I can do but just stand there.

You have any idea what that's like? Just standing and watching as something you

love takes our final plunge into the abyss?

where she bursts into flames and burns to death, slowly, agonizingly, right

before your eyes?

Hey, I'm sorry, man.

I'm really, really sorry.

Sorry I'm late.

That's all right.

I'm glad you agreed to see me.

So, tell me everything.

Tell me about your kids.

My kids?

Well, Billy's ten.

He loves music.

Carrie Seven, she wants to be a doctor.

They're both terrific.

Michael, you really want to talk about my kid.

Well, he's safe.

Lynn, I gotta tell you, this is not easy for me.

As a matter of fact, I feel awkward as hell.

Why? Why?

I'm the jerk who walked out on you, remember?

And it's taken me a long time to come to terms with that.

And sitting here now, looking at you, I... I feel...

Well, this is not really complicated. I feel guilty.

We were just kids, Mickey, for God's sake.

What's the difference who walked out first? I was no bargain, you remember?

I guess we were just too young.

Both had a lot of growing to do.

Mickey, if you really haven't yet, you've got to forgive yourself.

I did.

That's it?

That's it.

I thought you wanted to see me so you could sort of yell at me a little, bend

your spleen, tell me how rotten I was.

If it'll make you feel any better, when you get back to the office, I'll give

you a call. I can be extremely abusive.

Why?

I don't know what to say.

Ray Thornton?

Yes, Roberto.

Mickey, you just have to try the Chinese chicken salad. And if you don't like

it...

Oh, you're not a lunch.

Chinese chicken salad?

Two. Fine.

That concludes the discussion on the rent increase.

Now, if we can move on from here, and as I'm doing court, we have something

pressing, which is how to deal with this latest uprising among the associates.

What uprising?

As I warned Leland what happened, Victor Cifuentes has gotten wind of the

discrepancy between Jonathan Rollins' salary and his.

Oh, boy. Victor has presented us with an ultimatum.

A $13 ,600 raise or he will quit.

Well, I don't blame him. I would have felt the same way.

And furthermore, I think he's worth it. I agree with Mike. I mean, I like

Victor. I think we all do. But personal feelings aside, I don't think we can

afford to lose him. Then let me ask you to consider this.

While you're giving Mr. Cifuentes the keys to the larder, how do you plan to

hold the line against Miss Perkins and Miss Kleinberg when they find out?

Are we going to give every one of them $73 ,000 salaries?

Money which ultimately comes out of the pockets of the partners in this firm.

You know, Douglas is right.

This is going to snowball.

Exactly. And Kleinberg shows promise.

I'd hate to lose her. What about Abby?

Truthfully, I think this is one we could afford to lose.

Oh, come on, Douglas.

Abby's a good kid.

If we allow ourselves to get any more attached to her, we're only asking for

trouble down the line.

I certainly can't envision her as partnership material, and it does her a

disservice to keep her here if there's no future.

All right, all right.

We will deal with Miss Perkins if and when the situation arises. In the

meantime, what about Victor?

Give it to him.

In favor?

Aye.

Aye. Aye.

Opposed?

Nay.

Oh, who cares?

You tell him the good news.

I'm late for court.

Anne?

Yeah?

I hate to impose on our friendship, but this is something I really need to know.

Did Victor get his raise?

Abby, you know that's confidential information.

I love this place.

Anybody will tell you who they're sleeping with, but God forbid how much

someone is making.

Yes. Victor got his raise.

Isn't that just great?

I've been here over a year, and John Rollins comes in and leapfrogs right

me. And now Victor goes... Damn it, I'm going to go in there and tell Mackenzie

that I want 20 ,000 more or I'm out of here.

Don't threaten to leave unless you mean it.

What are you telling me?

Just that I'm not sure this is the right time.

Ann, I have been here longer than either of them.

Tenure has nothing to do with it.

The reality is, if you want more money, you have to work harder. Work harder?

I get here at 8 .30 in the morning. I don't get home till 7 o 'clock at night.

What am I supposed to do, put my son up for adoption?

It's more than logging hours, Abby. It's about taking the initiative, not just

waiting for somebody to drop an assignment in your lap.

Is that what you think?

Or do you really think that because I'm a woman, you can exploit me financially?

Oh, come on.

It has nothing to do with sexism.

Look at me. I'm a partner. Right. The only one. And you know what I think? I

think you like it that way. The queen bee keeping all the other females in

place. That is a crock, and you know it. Yeah.

Thanks for all your advice, Anne.

Leslie, Crackman just told me you quit. I feel totally responsible.

What are you talking about?

I was sticking with that idiot Bruce Wallman, but nobody could have won that

case. You can't let one loss end your entire career.

I didn't lose, Arnie. I won.

You won?

Yes. Opposing counsel was a complete yuck, so all I had to do was object

time he opened his mouth and he became totally unglued.

You know, I don't think the jury ever got it that his client actually saved my

client's life.

And then while the jurors kept staring at me during the trial, so I began

staring back, I figured at least I'll get one vote.

Then, during closing arguments, I began fingering this help button on my blouse.

I guess what I'm saying, Arnie, is that once that trial began, I would have done

anything, anything to win the case for a client that I hated and a cause I found

totally repugnant.

Sounds like you got the makings of a great attorney.

Exactly what I'm afraid of.

Besides, now I can finish my novel.

Your novel?

Yep. It's what I've always really wanted to do. Law school was for my father.

But I guess I'm a grown -up now. I owe it to me to take my best shot. Excuse

Well, what's it about?

The law, money, sex, office politics.

Do you think it's commercial?

It better be. I'm not real big on starving and garrets. Have any agents or

publishers seen it yet?

It's not really finished yet. Just a rough first draft.

What about movie rights? You discussing with anyone?

Movie rights? No.

Well, you know I got a lot of film in publishing context. Let me take a look

it. If it's any good, maybe I can help.

What kind of percentage are you going to want?

I don't know.

Standard 10 %?

Okay.

Okay, I've got an extra Xerox here. Just remember, it's kind of rough.

That's okay.

Rough has never been a problem for me.

Mr. Hatcher?

It's all there for signature, including the agreement that a certain memo will

not be disclosed.

By the way, the engineer informs me that he's reached a similar deal with your

client.

So if you could get your client to execute this, we'll take the check and

our way.

You realize that by doing it this way, people will go on drinking that well

water.

Some of them may die.

I know, but we don't represent those people.

Don't you mean Barney?

Barney Decker?

Did you read the whole thing?

Yeah, it's about us, Mackenzie Brackman.

No, it's not. It's just a generic law firm.

Besides, what did you expect, Eskimo?

You hardly even bothered to change my name.

Barney was my sheepdog's name who died, and I used to live in Decker Canyon.

It's just a coincidence.

Well, some coincidence.

About a blonde 36 -year -old divorce attorney who wears Italian suits, drives

Porsche, has sex with anything with a pulse.

Lastly, when this thing gets published, I am going to be the joke of this town.

Published? You really think you can get this published?

Actually, it has very strong commercial possibilities.

But no Deckers, Neckers, Heckers. The name is no big deal. How much do you

you can get for it, realistically?

Absolutely change the name. It's done.

How much?

Anywhere from low to mid six figures.

With any kind of luck, plus ancillary. Oh, God, Arnie, you are irresistible.

You're not just collecting material for another book, are you?

You can't really think I'd do something like that.

Besides, now that I'm not working in the firm anymore... Oh, watch the makeup on

the shirt.

If you got a hanger, I prefer wood.

Closets in the bedroom.

Condoms are in the nightstand.

I'll meet you there in a minute.

Decker, watch the eye makeup on the collar.

Have you got a hanger? I prefer wood.

The settlement agreement ready for signature.

I also understand you bought off the engineer to keep him quiet.

Very nice.

Just tell me where to sign and we'll drop a check.

What's this?

That's another little agreement between you and me.

What the hell is this?

Just what it looks like.

You agree to clean up that dump in consideration for which I don't give

memo to the Los Angeles Times.

I'll sue you firm blind.

You won't be able to... I formally resigned from the firm. I'm doing this

own. The only one you can sue is me. Now listen, lady. And if you do sue me,

this will all come out for sure.

Washington Pure Water Company will be finished.

This is blackmail. I'll have you disbarred. It's unethical. Call it

want, but factor into it that you can't take me down without exposing this

information to the world.

Factor into it that that memo contains enough dynamite to blow this company

bankruptcy.

Factor into it that your corporation's only chance of survival is your signing

that agreement.

Am I speaking your language?

You're bluffing.

Good day, Mr. Young.

Okay, you win.

Was it a bluff, or did you really quit your firm?

Come on in.

Hi.

Hi.

I heard you got your raise.

It's great.

Thanks.

Look, about that.

Are we going to be okay about the other day?

Yeah, it's okay.

No, really, Abby, because I didn't mean it the way you thought.

I know.

You figured out what you're going to say to Mackenzie yet?

When you finish up, want to go for a beer? We can plan the strategy.

Thanks, but I think I'm just going to go home.

Hey, are you okay?

According to Ann, I don't have any right to ask for a raise.

I'm not working hard enough and I'm not showing enough initiative. That's what

management always says to keep their workers in line. Victor, I don't need a

talk, okay?

It's just I'm working so hard and what if they fire me?

I don't know what I'm going to do.

Do you want to explain this?

I threatened to expose Washington Pure Water Company.

I told the CEO I'd go public with certain incriminating information and

him into cleaning up their toxic dump.

Since my actions were in violation of the lawyer's code of ethics and maybe

illegal, I decided to resign from the firm to insulate you from liability.

There are rules which govern the conduct of attorneys. Rules which you cannot

just disregard every time you decide you don't like a client.

I made a decision.

Dammit, there was no decision to be made.

If all lawyers felt free to put themselves above the law, our legal

be reduced to anarchy.

With all due respect, if you're looking for a lawyer who can just turn off her

conscience and follow rules with blind deference, there's a letter.

And if you're looking to be a lawyer who lets the law take a back seat to her

personal sense of morality,

then maybe I have to accept it.

Leland, we could probably argue this all night.

And the truth is, in the abstract, I agree with what you're saying.

But this wasn't the abstract.

This was real people who were going to die if I let that settlement go through.

I don't know if I was right, and I don't know if I was wrong.

All I know is I couldn't do it. I just couldn't do it.

Could you have done it, Leland?

So, Mickey, I promised myself I wasn't going to be jealous.

I wasn't going to make myself crazy.

But have you seen her?

We had lunch.

Why didn't you tell me?

Because I know how you feel.

And under the circumstances, I would be asking for your permission.

Or asking for your forgiveness. And I don't like the way that makes me feel.

Very glib, Counselor.

We've got a lot of history together, Grace.

What do you want?

You want to forbid me from seeing her? It hurts me.

Okay? Is that so hard for you to understand?

How the hell would you like it if I started calling up old boyfriends? Maybe

invited Kevin for dinner? I can't legislate your feelings, Grace.

If that's what you want to do, then I just have to trust that you know what

you're doing.

Or don't you trust me?

I love you.

And I'm scared.

You have so many secrets.

So tell me the truth, Mickey.

Are you going to leave me?

Thank you for meeting me.

I couldn't believe it when you called me.

I was afraid I'd be late.

It's kind of hard to find. Can I get you something, sir?

Scotch and water.

I like what you've done to your hair.

It gives you a feral quality.

Feral? Untamed.

Wild, I guess.

But it's very becoming.

I love how you talk.

I learned so much from you just from being around you.

And I you.

Me? What's there to learn from me? I'm so average.

Not at all.

You're so open.

So warm and compassionate.

You mustn't deprecate yourself.

Oh, what am I going to do, Douglas?

Meeting like this?

Feeling the way I feel?

I'm sorry.

It's an awful thing to say, but I think I hate your wife.

You know her?

No. I'm just jealous.

She's so lucky to have a man as amazing as you are.

To her, I'm just the cash register.

Wasn't always like that.

I remember when we were first starting out.

This will sound silly.

I used to make popcorn for us.

And we'd lie in bed.

Till all hours, watching old movies on TV.

Now, she says the salt makes her retain water.

I have a hot air popper, Douglas, but I've never even taken it out of the box.

I don't even know if it works.

All you have to do is plug it in.

I could show you.

Would you?

Douglas, would you show me how to pop my corn?

When? Now.

Let's go.