Original subtitles

Previously on L .A. Law.

I would remind the Deputy D .A. that in spite of the fact she's running for

judgeship in District 7... Your Honor, I... When and if you win election to the

bench, Ms. Van Owen, you may have the last word in my court.

I get it. Mr. Sullivan will be joining us as a clerk. He'll be working here

afternoons, after school.

The phone messages.

All these people, activity in and out of the bathroom.

Now, either you are leading a very weird social life, or you're dealing coke out

of this office.

That's crazy, Mr. Cifuentes.

Where's my thousand?

Let's see.

He bust it, kid.

Eric went home already.

What do you mean he went home?

And his father picked him up. He can't. Damn it, detective!

My husband violates a TRO, kidnapping my son, and the best thing you can tell me

is to get my own P .I.? I'm getting married in three weeks. His name is

Crenshaw.

Kevin.

Meet Michael Cusack. He's with the Trial Lawyers Association.

What were you trying to prove? That you could get back at me by trying to

humiliate a decent good man?

I'm in the middle of getting married.

I know this is hell of a time to say this, but I'm in love.

Leon's my name and photography's my game. How about a snapshot of the bride

groom, huh?

Definitely.

So look, I'm just hanging out on this corner there, right?

When this dude comes blowing out the store.

And he can see that the police car's after him, man, so he just pushes the

off on me.

The gun and the money.

And I'm just like, you know, what's happening? And then, bang, man, the

are drawing down on me and I'm the one that gets busted, dig?

Not the perpetrator, me.

So that's your legal defense, Julian?

Your basic, the other dude did it? Yeah, it's the truth.

These are smart people on the jury, Julian.

You expect them to believe this doo -doo?

Hey, wait a minute, man. You're supposed to be my lawyer, right?

How many times have I gotten you off, Julian?

Phone. How many?

Excuse me, Your Honor, but it looks like the people are going to have to object

to the introduction of priors or Mr.

Tatum's got a case for appeal.

Counsel, approach the bench.

Seven times.

Robbery? Burglary?

Assault? Oh, come on. Mr. Hirshberg, seven times. And he's still on the

Does this make sense to you? Mr. Hirshberg, you are caught in contempt.

Okay. Maybe he had a bad childhood. Now, that is enough. But I'm sorry.

He's basically stale. Mr. Hirshberg!

Mr.

Hirshberg, approach the bench now.

And since the courts don't have the stones to do it... Bailey!

You can't do that, man. You are in contempt, Mr. Hirshberg. Take him

Thank you, Your Honor.

It's a pleasure.

Dirtbags in, dirtbags out.

Swimming upstream is so much. I'm going nuts.

I can't take it anymore.

Can you give me 20 years?

I need it. It would be a vacation.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Not a good day for Sid Hirshberg.

Last week it was a D .A. and Torrance who took the files and threw them at the

judge. Let me take you away from all this.

Lunch? Later?

Oh, no. No, not a great idea.

What, you can't even be seen with me at lunch?

Just until after the elections are over.

I'm getting pretty sick of this sneaking around, Grace. Just a second. Do you

realize that we have not even been to a restaurant together?

To a movie or a play? Mm -hmm.

A few more weeks until we don't have to worry about the gossip, the newspapers,

the television. I don't know how to break this to you, but I am not Prince

Charles, and you are not Lady Di, and this did a little Muny court race.

No one remembers or even cares that you changed your mind about getting married.

It was no big deal. Ditching the groom at the altar, hand and paw with the

gorilla is... Yesterday's headlines, Grace, 15 minutes of fame. Tomorrow

all going to be buzzing about how Sid Hirshberg punched out his own client.

Maybe you're right.

So, where do you want to go to get lunch?

I can't.

I have homework to do.

Meet the candidates.

That's tomorrow night. Yes, and I have to give it every spare minute I've got.

The press will be there.

What time tomorrow night?

You don't really want to come.

No, you don't. Yes, I do. I promise I will wear a suit. I will not pick my

teeth. You're just being paranoid.

Nothing's going to happen.

Okay.

It starts at 8.

Meet me there.

And we can go have dinner afterward.

In public.

You'll even let me hold your hand?

Maybe.

If you would take your seats, people.

It is once again my unpleasant past to remind you of your tardiness regarding

weekly accounting of your billable hours.

Last week, only Stuart Markowitz had his report in on time. A certain other

attorney who shall remain nameless, Miss Kelsey, is behind more than four weeks

on her reports.

People, please.

When accounting is late, billing is late. When billing is late, cash flow

clogged sewage line is reduced to a trickle. Need I elaborate?

Now, on a more upbeat note, a sizable attaboy to Arnold Becker for recognizing

the cinematic potential of Hillary Mishkin's Rosebush and in securing for

firm a two and one half percent share in the profits of SAME. For those not

aware, the film has opened to glowing reviews and even more importantly, boffo

box office.

And business is even better the second week. Moving on, Victor.

You're representing Jeffrey Sullivan in his cocaine trial?

At my request, yes.

Apparently, the boy trusts no one but Victor. And Sullivan Sr.

was eloquent in his plea for representation.

Like father, like son.

The boy may have embarrassed us, but he's entitled to the best defense

nevertheless. Proceeding.

Who is Evelyn Frost as regards the Gwendolyn Merriwell Trust?

The late Miss Marywell set up a trust for her niece and nephew, and on their

death, their share was to provide assistance for the poor of Beverly

Defined as what exactly?

Any poor wretch without his own swimming pool?

The nephew has died, and the trustees haven't distributed a dime yet.

The niece wants them to live up to the intent to help poor people wherever they

live. Very noble, Miss Kelsey.

Though perhaps you're forgetting your fiscal responsibility as a partner in

firm? The trustees are sitting on $80 million.

And if my efforts can get them to spend some of it to alleviate some of the

suffering and misery in this world, I happen to think that's more significant

than generating fees for this firm.

Well, I suppose if you shake an $80 million tree, something is bound to fall

way.

Finally, Turtletaub versus Turtletaub.

Unfortunately, we've just found out that Mr. Turtletaub has been...

Less than candid about his community assets.

And Miss Perkins is handling this?

Well, she expressed an interest in family law, and since I'm branching into

entertainment, it seemed to make sense.

Anyway, I'll be back stopping her.

Arnold, what the hell is going on here?

I thought we had an equitable agreement worked out.

According to our investigator, your client's been hiding assets in a holding

company in the Netherlands, Antilles.

It's the same client who testified under penalty of perjury that he was too

impoverished to provide support for his wife and child, forcing my client to

take boarders into her home.

It's possible there was an oversight.

Where else have they got it stashed?

Cayman Islands, maybe?

Switzerland?

Perhaps my client could be persuaded to throw another $100 ,000 into the

community pot in consideration of a speedy settlement.

With all due respect, Mr. Prey, I think your client is a bum and a liar.

And until we've had the opportunity to fully investigate all of his financial

assets, there can and will be no settlement. Arnold. Don't look at him.

dealing with me. And we're off the table.

Well, the truth is, I don't know how much I'm going to be able to help you,

Jeffrey. Come on, Mr. Cifuentes. You must have gotten hundreds of guys off

lots worse than this. Jeffrey, it's a dead -bang loser.

It was entrapment. Where do you see entrapment?

At the prelim, they played a tape of you boasting to the cop that you'd be able

to get him the greatest stuff north of La Paz.

I wasn't reading my rights.

23 people heard him read you your rights.

Mr. Suplentes, now, don't take this the wrong way.

Can we buy our way out of this?

Whoa, listen, kid, that ain't gonna fly. Now, if you're serious about that, you

go find yourself another lawyer.

I was just joking.

Okay? I swear.

Just tell me what you want me to do.

Okay, I'm suggesting that you plead guilty.

Now, as the first offense, I can probably get you probation and 45 days

county jail as a condition.

I can't, Mr. Splintes. I know I'm driving you nuts, and you're doing a

job, really, but if I cop to a felony, it'll screw me up with the ethics

committee. I'll never be a lawyer. Do you realize that you're looking at state

jail time if you're convicted?

The jury will like me. I can be very charming. The jury will resent you for

being a spoiled, rich kid.

I knew this guy, and he got busted with a gram in his car.

Now, he cops to a misdemeanor possession, he does a year with a

it totally taken off his record.

I'd do that.

Jeffrey, you were selling cocaine.

They don't let sellers cop to a miss.

All my life, all I ever wanted to be was a lawyer.

Don't let him take my dreams away.

Okay.

I will talk to the DA.

You want me to go with you?

No, no.

You're going to do great.

Really.

You haven't spent dime one on the poor.

Take a look at this portfolio, my dear, and tell me what you see.

Drive down Olympic Boulevard, Mr. Jarrett, and tell me what you see.

People sleeping in dumpsters, eating garbage, ugliness, Mr. Jarrett, which

be made pretty by some fancy little graph in your accountant's coloring

I see no cause for indignation. People are starving, sir. Some are dying.

As far as causes for indignation go, I'd say that's a damn good one.

What would you have us do?

Here's a list of charitable foundations which serve the needy.

They're all consistent with the spirit of the trust, and all you have to do is

sign the check.

Just a minute.

Every one of these institutions is outside the city limits, and the

the trust is quite explicit.

To the poor people of Beverly Hills.

She wanted to help the homeless.

And if she had ever thought that poverty would be extinguished in Beverly Hills,

she would have marked the money for poor people in other towns.

My client's job, young lady, is not to play would have, could have, or should

have. As trustees, they must give the words of the trust strict construction.

The fact remains there are no poor people in Beverly Hills at this time.

It's too late anyway.

This year's interest is already in escrow.

We're building a park in Miss Merriwell's honor.

What? Yes, with a beautiful marble statue.

It's a lovely tribute.

You're not spending that money on a park. I'll get an injunction.

Not to lecture you on the law, Miss Kelsey, but the dispute here is a matter

an interpretation.

And since yours is contrary to the express wording of the trust, no judge

world will give you an injunction.

Any attorney worth her salt should know that.

You say the trust is for the poor people of Beverly Hills?

Fine.

Then it's the poor people of Beverly Hills who will stop you.

And

without

the injunction, Your Honor, the fund will be severely drained by buying and

developing that park.

The injury to my client will be both immediate and irreparable.

What client, Your Honor?

Beverly Hills has no poor people.

Now, if we can't take judicial notice of that fact, I direct the court's

attention to the affidavits from the city tax assessor. Your Honor, you need

own property to be a resident. Residency is satisfied by the intent to remain

indefinitely. Fine, then show me a person with that intent.

I'd like to call a witness, Your Honor.

Well, this is not an evidentiary hearing, Miss Kelsey. Can't you just

declaration? Your Honor, this witness neither reads nor writes.

She does have a story to tell, however, and I think the interest of justice

would be served by letting her testify.

This is most inappropriate.

I'll ask the questions.

Call her up here.

Miss Flaherty?

Where do you live, Miss Flaherty?

In Beverly Hills.

Where exactly in Beverly Hills?

Mostly in Roxbury Park.

Sometimes in people's backyards if nobody's home.

And you sleep in Roxbury Park?

Yes, I do.

And do you live all by yourself, ma 'am? I don't like other people.

Cut the first monster that... Come on, let me have it. Keep away from me. I'll

cut you. No one is going to hurt you, ma 'am. Miss Kelsey... Katie, please.

Come on. Can you just give it to me?

I promise I'll hold it for you.

Okay.

You ain't lied to me yet.

Okay.

Now, thank you, ma 'am.

Do you know how long you've lived in Beverly Hills?

Almost eight years.

I come from Chicago in 78.

Sorry, damn place.

Almost froze me plumbing.

Why Beverly Hills?

I like the people.

And the cops don't hit you.

And I... I like those fruit trees.

And I like the sounds of it.

Living in Beverly Hills.

Do you ever move around to other towns?

I live in Roxbury Park. I don't like other places.

I just stay home.

All right, well, thank you, Miss Flaherty. That'll be all.

All right, in light of the...

Forgoing, I'm satisfied for now that Miss Flaherty lives in Beverly Hills.

therefore going to grant plaintiff's request for an injunction. I'm going to

also place this case on the advanced trial list.

Now, the matter of Miss Flaherty's residency, of course, can again be

at that time. That'll be all.

Can I see counsel at the bench?

this thing, Mr. Tucker.

Even if you somehow dispose with Miss Flaherty, I'm sure that there are other

such people similarly situated. Now, that would mean, sir, that your whole

would come down to convincing me that your proposed park is for the benefit of

these people.

You don't want your whole case to come down to that, do you?

Marilyn?

Victor. Nice to see you again.

Have a seat.

Not there.

That was my grandmother's chair.

It's a beauty.

I've been looking for a chair like that.

Afraid I can't help you.

Now, I assume you didn't come here to discuss interior decorating.

Right.

Sullivan case.

Plead to the felony a year in county.

A year?

Come on.

Clean kid, first offense.

Let's cut to a miss. Your clean kid was a major dope dealer on campus till he

moved it back to your law firm.

That's hearsay, Marilyn, which you can't make stick.

Nice to know you haven't changed at all, Victor.

Even now that you're defending a better -paying class of scum.

You got something against me?

The Angeletti case.

Russell Putman.

You know, I have gone against you five times.

And in each case, you have used every backdoor unethical hustle to get your

client off.

That's my job.

That's your job?

Obscuring the truth?

Look, there's no truth to be obscured here. I'm not denying the fact of what

kid did.

But you can't deny that there's 2 ,500 cases backed up downtown.

20 ,000 inmates in a jail system that's designed for 12 ,000. You got murderers,

rapists. You got violent criminals to worry about, Marilyn. I just think that

the scheme of things, Jeffrey Sullivan is pretty small potatoes.

No misdemeanor.

Plead guilty to the felony or no deal.

No deal.

I'm going to nail that kid.

And I'm going to nail you.

And I'm going to love every minute of it.

I'll see you in court.

The defendant reached under the drop cloth and extracted a baggie filled with

white powdery substance resembling cocaine, which he handed to me.

As I took it from him, he said, where's my thousand?

What did you do at that time, detective?

I told him he was under arrest, read him his rights, and took him into custody.

Thank you, Detective.

No further questions.

Mr. Cifuentes?

Detective Mitchell, did any money change hands between you and Mr. Sullivan?

No. Oh, so in other words, when you seized the baggie from him, there was no

real transaction, was there? I didn't seize anything.

He delivered it to me.

Second, it's against LAPD policy to carry cash around like that.

Detective Mitchell, what did you do with the baggie that you say you confiscated

from the defendant?

I placed it in an evidence bag.

People's Exhibit A.

Yes.

I'm just curious.

How could you be so sure, Detective Mitchell, that this is the very same

evidence bag?

I placed my initials on it with a felt -tip pen.

R .M. right here.

I placed my initials on the baggie in a likewise fashion with a grease bit

marker.

Could I see that, please?

Some kind of trick?

What? No.

Move for dismissal, Your Honor.

Objection. Well, this is outrageous.

That's enough.

I want to see both attorneys in chambers, please.

Okay. What the hell is going on here?

Obviously, someone stole the evidence.

Without which the state cannot establish the elements of a crime, Your Honor.

For all the DA can prove, Mr. Sullivan could have been selling baby powder.

We have a taped transcript of the sale, the testimony of the undercover agent,

plus the lab analysis of the evidence.

Admitting the report without the evidence in court would deny my client

constitutional right to confront and cross -examine the witnesses and

against him.

Your Honor, at the very least, I'd move for a continuance. To what end?

You're the one who said it was obviously stolen.

Do you have any realistic hope of finding the evidence within the

time?

No, Your Honor.

Well, then...

I'm afraid he's got you, Miss Feldman.

I have no choice but to dismiss.

Mrs. Fuentes!

Want to join us? My dad's going to take us out to celebrate.

Victor!

So you know there's going to be a full investigation.

Good. I'd like to know what happened to... Oh, I bet you would.

What does that mean?

Everyone knows Victor Fuentes will do anything to win a case.

And if there's no other way, he just steals the evidence.

You have just bought yourself a lawsuit, counselor.

Yeah? Well, in case you forgot, truth is the total defense, counselor.

Well, keep talking. Believe me, I can use the money.

I'm going to see you disbarred.

As a cop for 11 years, and then six as a lawyer in private practice, I know the

junkies, the thieves, and the dope pushers.

And some of these guys, when they come up on their first rap, you know they

a mistake.

But others, on their first rap...

You know there are hardened criminals on the rise. A judge needs to know the

difference. I know him when I see him. And that's the experience I'll bring to

the municipal bench.

Thank you.

That concludes the candidate statements.

The floor is now open for questions.

Ms. Van Owen.

Yes.

Ms. Van Owen, isn't it true that to most of your colleagues you're something of

a laughingstock?

I beg your pardon?

Isn't it true that you walked out on your own wedding two weeks ago with

in a gorilla suit?

Well, that story has been grossly exaggerated, and I won't even dignify it

a response.

Proving once again a picture's worth a thousand words.

Who's the ape, Ms. Van Owen?

I can see the headlines now. Candid Van Owen goes ape at wedding. It's over.

I'm pulling out of the race. I wish you wouldn't do that. Michael, no advice.

Great. Everything has gone wrong from the day that I met you. Come on. Please,

just leave me alone.

I'll call you. No, don't.

I need the time to think.

You're a difficult and ordinary woman, young lady.

Thank you.

But I cannot believe that you expect us to stand passively by while this crazed

bag lady of yours becomes the recipient of $80 million.

That was never my intent.

Was it your intent to have every homeless, ambulatory schizophrenic in

Angeles move to Beverly Hills?

Absolutely not.

Well, let her finish.

For those poor people who actually live in Beverly Hills, I want a soup kitchen

and residential housing set up.

For the larger picture, however, I will again give you the list of charitable

foundations which serve the needy throughout Los Angeles.

I still think we can win this case in a trial on its own merits.

Gentlemen, while I'm rattling my saber and you are out watering your hydrants

over what amounts to a territorial dispute...

There are thousands of people in Los Angeles whose genuine suffering can be

alleviated with the funds from this trust.

I implore you, save us all the time and expense of a trial, which we both know

you'll lose.

Do the decent and right thing. Be the trustees of Miss Meriwell's spirit as

as her money.

What do you say?

Grace Van Owen, please. Michael Cusack calling.

She must be there.

I just came from court, and I've been trying her at home.

What?

Would you please tell her that I called?

Thank you.

We're not looking for a lengthy and bitter dispute here, in consideration of

which we've compiled a new and revised schedule of assets.

In the interest of fairness, our list of Mr.

Turtletaub's holdings now includes...

125 shares of Ethel production, a gift from his father, part ownership in the

racehorse Gimme a Turtle, the bank account in the Netherlands, Antilles, a

-acre apple orchard in Oregon, and a coin collection valued at $458.

Okay. Well, it'll take some time to investigate this new list.

In the interim, we'll be asking for an immediate increase in monthly support to

$8 ,000.

God almighty.

I mean, you make it sound like I got a million bucks hidden in some Swiss vault

or something. You cheap crook.

You probably do.

Oh, that's great. Great. You know, you can sue us, and we can sue you, and by

the time the dust settles, the Loyals will be rich, and there'll be nothing

for us to split up.

Your wife won't cave in to that sort of bullying, Mr. Turtletop.

Maybe she'll cave in to this sort of bullying.

What's that?

Photos, Ms. Perkins.

of Mrs. Turtletaub in the backyard of her home sunbathing topless with her

lesbian lover. What?

Here's another.

She's caressing her lover. Let me see those.

Oh, for God's sake. This is Jessica Lehman. She and her three -year -old

with us to help meet expenses.

I'm not caressing her. I'm putting suntan lotion on her back. We plan to

petition the court to appoint a guardian ad litem to represent the special

interests of the child.

We also want Mrs. Turtletaub and her lover to undergo a psychological

evaluation.

How? How can you do this to me? On the other hand, Mr.

Turtletaub will not contest the joint custody provision of the settlement

agreement as long as Mrs. Turtletaub signs this amended agreement right now,

is, and agrees to terminate her live -in relationship with Ms. Lehman. Even if

you could prove a lesbian relationship? Which you can't. Mrs. Turtletaub's

sexual orientation has no bearing on the quality of care.

Why don't we just let the court decide that, Ms. Perkins?

You just... Disgusting lowlife snake.

You can't even meet my eyes. This is such a crock. There's no way I'm going

let you poison my child.

You want to hang out with your dyke friends?

Fine, be my guest. But you're not going to raise my little girl. Unless I sign

the agreement, then it's okay. You started this brawl, lady, not me.

I'll take her out of the state before I let you in. Ms. Perkins, your client is

threatening a felony. You're the felon. That's it. To hell with this agreement.

I wouldn't sign it now if you got down on your knees.

By the time I'm through, you want to see that little kid, you buy yourself a

telescope. Stop it.

You are disgraceful, both of you.

You're using a six -year -old child to beat each other to death. If you want to

punish each other, that's your own business. But you have no right to

your child in the process.

How dare you use this woman's child to blackmail her?

And how dare you threaten to steal her from her father?

Do either one of you know what it feels like to not be able to see your child?

Or even know where he is?

Well, I do.

And as far as I'm concerned, neither one of you is fit to be a parent.

I understand the poor and the homeless have something to cheer about.

How did you hear?

A man by the name of Jarrett called me a while ago.

Jarrett from the bank?

The same.

Said they're giving in to your demands.

Said he liked your stuff.

So much so, he's asked to retain you to handle all the bank's future

litigations.

Are you serious?

He gets to be worth a half million dollars a year to us in fees.

I can't believe this.

Yes? Well, here's another surprise.

$87 ,000 to me?

In light of your rain dance, we've decided to waive your buy -in to the

partnership, hence the return of your contribution.

I don't know what to say.

It's... Well, it falls short of reflecting how proud I am of you, Ann.

You did a great thing.

For a worthy cause.

And that check is just our way of saying we like your stuff, too.

Victor. Marilyn.

Great -looking shirt.

I've been searching all over for something in that color.

Since I got a figure that you didn't invite me out to $100 lunch to quiz me

fashion tips, I want to take a wild guess that this has something to do with

lawsuit. I wanted you to hear it from me.

There'll be some arrests this afternoon.

Oh, yeah?

Three court clerks.

For the last six months, they've been stealing cocaine out of evidence.

Most of the time, the case gets settled before trial, so it never gets

discovered. Yesterday, LAPD stung one of the guys, and he rolled over on the

other two.

What you're saying is my client just got lucky.

Looks that way.

Interesting.

And it sure does beef up my slander suit now that you've lost your truth to

defend.

Victor, isn't there anything we can do?

I'd really like to settle this out of court.

What do you want from my life? You want to see me squirm?

For starters.

What else?

Anything.

Well, you could apologize.

I'm sorry, Victor.

I really am.

Public apology.

I'll write a letter to the Times.

And a press conference.

Okay.

Thank you, Victor. I appreciate how reasonable you've been.

In your chair.

What? You're, uh, rocking.

Chair.

Well, I write all my opening and closing arguments in that chair.

That chair's priceless to me.

Okay,

no problem.

Thank you.

Yeah.

I mean, with a million -dollar judgment, I can go buy my own chair, right?

I'll have it delivered to your office.

May I take your order?

Mm -hmm.

What's the most expensive thing on your menu?

Katie?

Katie?

What do you want now?

I just came to inform my client that we won.

I get the money.

Well, you get food, clothing.

Oh, I do my own shopping.

Give me some money.

It isn't that simple, but...

If you go down and register at the residential hotel on Burton Way, you'll

you have a bed.

And for food, they're going to set up a soup kitchen at the Presbyterian Church.

I ain't going nowhere.

Katie, these places are going to feed you and house you. Nobody tells me where

to go and what to eat.

But, Katie... If I wanted three huts and a cop forever, all I have to do is slit

your throat. Put that away.

You lied to me.

You told me I'd get the money and you're keeping it for yourself.

But all I get is rules to follow and lines to stand in and places to go.

McKay, this is all being done to help you. Help me.

Give me money.

Just give me money. You want to help me if you ain't a liar?

What are you going to do with it? None of your damn business.

I do what I want.

This is help.

You have to do what I want.

And I'll cut anyone who messes with me.

Soap kitchens.

Oh,

you're not telling me where to go, Katie. Help, help.

Nobody helps Katie. Katie helps Katie.

I'll take this over to Nicole.

Corinne? You wanted to see me?

Yeah. I just stopped down in the wake of your outburst to tell you that Garth

Turtletaub telephoned me. He and his wife sat down alone after the meeting

they're willing to set aside the custody issue for the time being.

That's good.

Assuming cooperation from your end, I'd like to reconvene in the next couple of

days, see if we can't hammer out the agreement.

Fine.

As the...

A personal aside, I'd have to say that you managed to interject a refreshing

dose of naivete.

No, of morality to the proceedings.

Thank you.

Given time, you'll probably get over it.

The woman of the hour.

Hi, Stuart.

Congratulations.

Thanks. Plus, I hear you made so much rain for this firm, we're all going to

have to wear galoshes.

Speaking of which, Leland waived my buy -in.

I ain't going to be able to pay you back in full.

Well, try not to get too excited.

I wish I could.

Are you kidding?

You just shook, what, $8 million a year from that trust?

You're a hero.

That's what I thought, until I went to tell my client.

She practically spit in my eye.

She doesn't want clinics or hot meals.

Or clean beds.

What does she want? A suite at the Beverly Hills Hotel?

She wants the cash.

Oh. She wants to be left the hell alone.

Which effectively means that not one nickel of that trust is going to get to

or to the thousands like her.

And you think this is your fault?

Society has abandoned them. No, it sounds to me like they've abandoned

Okay, it's their fault.

But what's the answer?

Are we supposed to just pretend they don't exist?

Roll up the windows, jack up the car radio, and try not to think about the

homeless subculture living out of their shopping carts because the richest

society in the world can't figure out a way to take care of them.

And money can't solve every problem.

And I'll tell you something else. Every problem can't be solved.

But at least now there's $8 million a year, compliments of Aunt Kelsey, that's

going to help feed and clothe and shelter an awful lot of people who

wouldn't have had anything. I think that's pretty terrific.

I'll tell you something else.

I think you're pretty terrific.

Yeah, I say so.

And I also say you owe me dinner.

You got it. All right, les anges.

I'll make the reservation.

Isn't that pretty expensive?

Ann, you just got an $87 ,000 bonus.

You worried about dinner?

Money. Either I feel guilty for having it, or I feel cheated for not having it.

Okay, I give up.

I'll tell you what.

I'll cook dinner at home.

I'll whip up a really dry tuna fish casserole.

And then we'll crack a bottle of really cheap jug wine.

In bed?

Yeah.

Sounds great.

Eight o 'clock, be there. And bring your jammies.

Come in.

Oh, your timing is perfect. I have been aching to speak to you. No, don't say a

word. For the first time in my life, I am really free of all the things I was

supposed to be.

A good girl, a good wife, a good judge.

And I'm finally free of Kevin.

Finally.

I was carried around this guilt in my gut, and it was poisoning my passion for

you.

Now I don't feel like he's this poor, helpless creature. I'm mortally wounded,

and I know I'm babbling, but damn it, it feels so good.

And you have been so patient.

But I am so turned on right now.

Why don't you take this suit off, mister, and we're going to do something

here in my office that we could get arrested for in any other state.

I love you too.

Security, this is Abigail Perkins at Mackenzie Brackman Chaney Cusack. I

we have a burglar up here.

Freeze it, folks!

It's somebody else!

It's yours!

I said freeze!

What the hell was you? You pushed my face into the carpet. You wouldn't see

do it again. Hey, hey, hey!

Shut up!

What were you doing up here?

I've got a key, okay?

I used to work here.

I left some paperwork behind and I came to get it. You worked here?

Up until a few weeks ago.

You guys are in for it now. My attorney's here.

All right, what's going on here? We got a call. These guys made a drug pot.

They're not even real cops.

Now they say the old guy sucked it up with a vacuum sweeper. I just checked

conference room. If you had a stash in there, it's gone now.

Well, what about the baggie, huh? What about it? It's empty.

It's soaked with carpet goo and it's got your crummy fingerprints all over it. I

don't know anything about this, Mr. Cifuentes.

I was just up here looking for some paperwork I left behind and these goons

jumped me. I'm going to steal you guys about a million bucks a piece. Does this

guy ever shut up?

Hey, aren't you going to arrest him, huh? For what?

Stupidity? If that were a crime, you guys would be doing life.

Hey!

He's all yours, Counselor.

Hey, hey, hey.

Thank you.

You believe this?

File a lawsuit.

Assault. Illegal search and seizure.

Go home, Jeffrey.

You don't really believe all this, do you, Mr. DuPont?

I swear, after all I've been through...

The drugs probably belong to the old black

guy.

Go home, Jeffrey. Now.

Before your luck runs out and I throw you through a window.

You got that?

Absolutely.

Loud and clear.

And then I lock the doors and I'm running my hands all over his ape suit,

telling him how hot I am and all the things I'm going to do to him.

I almost raped the poor guy.

So next time, send me flowers like my other boyfriend did.

Do you sort of coax your eyebrows up like that, or do they grow that way by

themselves?

I have them styled.

Styled?

Really?

Look, Mickey, I know I've been difficult these last couple of weeks,

and... You have been incredibly sensitive and patient.

Well, I'm a very evolved person.

Not that evolved.

The point being is that I am finally and totally

unconflicted.

I don't feel guilty about Kevin anymore. I'm actually relieved about not running

for judge.

Oh, so am I.

Really? Well, you never would have gone out in public with me.

What I'm trying to say here is that now that we have, I'm

experiencing this very pressing need to be private with you.

Pressing where?

All over.

An extremely hot plate.

Um, could you put both the dinners, plus the champagne, into a

doggy bag and bring us the check right away.

Extremely hot date.

Thank you, Mickey.