Original subtitles

Well. There it is, Agarn.

Sarge, this is beautiful.

Hm. Now, this is the best idea you ever had

for O'Rourke Enterprises. You're a genius.

You're just saying that because it's true.

No, no, no. You'll go down in history.

Right alongside Robert Fulton and his steamboat.

Eli Whitney and his cotton gin.

And now: Morgan O'Rourke and his horse wash.

Hit the water, Smokey Bear.

Right, Crazy Cat.

All right. Give him good polish job now.

Get all those spots there.

Okay.

Ready for rinsing, chief.

Sorry about that.

Crazy Cat!

How would you like punch in the nose?!

But not do it on purpose, chief.

Well, of course he didn't.

It's just that, well, we haven't got

all the bugs worked out yet.

Chief, why don't you just step back?

We'll soap you up, sponge you off,

and you won't have to take your Saturday night bath.

That's not very funny, Agarn.

Why you mad, chief?

This first time

you ever cleaner than your horse.

Why you do that, chief?

Tribe that bathes together, stays together!

Whoa. Wait a minute.

Do you hear that, Agarn?

Sounds like a bunch of horses.

Over there.

There.

Look off down there in the canyon.

Well, sarge, it's just a herd of wild horses.

Yeah, but I think the king of that herd

is that great stallion, Black Devil.

Oh, that's the horse

you were telling me about the other day.

That's right. Hey.

Look at that.

Sarge, he is really beautiful.

You know something, if we could capture that horse,

we could make a fortune.

Sell him to that Wild West show

that's coming to town.

I think we're a little late, sarge.

Somebody's already fenced in the canyon.

Won't do them any good.

Not with Black Devil leading that herd.

See what I mean?

I bet I could figure out a way to trap that horse.

No chance.

That Black Devil is really smart.

Are you trying to say that

I'm not as smart as an animal?

I didn't say that at all.

You're as smart as a lot of animals.

Cows, gophers, turkeys.

But not horses.

Now, that's the cruelest thing you've ever said.

I was only kidding, buddy.

But we have got to figure out

a way to capture Black Devil.

Well, we'll figure out something, sarge.

No horse is gonna make a monkey out of me.

Okay.

Oh, Wilton, that Black Devil's

the handsomest thing I've ever seen.

Oh. Really, Jane?

I mean, he's the handsomest thing on four legs.

You are the handsomest thing on two legs.

I mean, how would you feel about the two of us

if I had four legs?

Well, in that case,

the first thing I'd want is two more legs.

You'd need them to keep up with all those fillies

that would be chasing me.

Oh, Wilton.

I'd give anything in the world

to have a horse like Black Devil.

When's your birthday?

Next week.

Oh, th... That soon?

Wilton, in order to catch

a horse like Black Devil,

a man would have to be a great roper.

Oh, I don't know.

I've been watching those cowboys.

I'll bet I could handle a rope pretty well.

Here. Now... Now... Now, watch this. Watch.

I'm going to...

I'm going to thr... Oh. Heh-heh.

I'm going to throw this right over

that tree stump over there.

Now, watch this.

Oh, Wilton.

Men.

Uh...

Something we do for you?

Yes. I was wondering if one of you

might know of somebody in F Troop

who was a cowboy in civilian life.

I don't know of anybody, sir.

Me neither, captain.

I was looking through the service records,

and I couldn't find one.

I did find out that some of the men

certainly had interesting civilian occupations.

I know that Vanderbilt used to work

in a dress factory as a bustle inspector.

That's right. He did.

I know Trooper Barnes

used to sell musical snuffboxes.

That's correct too.

But I'll bet never of you know what Duddleson did

in civilian life.

No, sir. What did he do?

He was a female impersonator for a carnival.

He was? That's right.

He was known as Lady Godiva.

That's one act I'd like to have seen.

Well, I guess I'd better go into town

and see if one of the cowboys can teach me how to rope.

I can teach you, sir. I used to rope

alligators on my mama's swamp.

Really, Dobbs? Sure thing, captain.

Can I have your rope? Thank you, sir.

I was a great roper myself, captain,

before I got that bullet wound at the Alamo.

Oh, yeah. Yes, I remember that.

Yes, sir. There we were, me and Davy.

Crockett, that is.

Shoulder to shoulder and backs to the wall.

Cannonballs to the left of us.

Cannonballs to the right of us.

Poor old Davy just turns to me and says:

"Duffy," he says, "we'll get out of this somehow."

And by George, we did.

Hey, that's very good, Dobbs.

Thank you, sir. Come on, I'll show you.

The narrowest escape that I had was the next day.

That's when I got it...

Well, here's okay, captain.

Now, you just hold it like this,

and you swing it around like this.

And then you let it out.

And it'll drop over whatever you're trying to rope.

Oh. Let me try, Dobbs. Sure, captain.

Uh... like this? That's right.

Now, just swing it around gently

and let it drop over my head.

Well, to be honest with you, I should be

practicing on a moving target.

Oh?

You see, Jane's birthday is coming up.

I wanna rope that wild stallion, Black Devil,

and give him to her as a birthday gift.

Black Devil?

It's the only thing I could think of

for a girl who has everything.

In that case, sir, I'll pretend I'm a horse,

and you try to rope me as I run around.

Oh, fine, Dobbs. Fine.

And if you do a good job, I'll rub your nose.

That's funny, captain.

You'll need a sense of humor if you try to rope Black Devil.

Uh. Let's give it a try, Dobbs. Right, sir.

Did you say something, Dobbs?

Uh, no, sir. I was just whinnying.

Oh. Yeah, that's very good.

Ready, sir?

Look out, sir!

A bottle of perfume makes

a nice birthday gift for a girl.

No. I wanna get her that horse,

and I've got to learn how to rope,

or somebody's liable to beat me to it.

You want Hekawis to go out to capture wild horse?

Boy, did you come to wrong tribe.

Our people don't like wild horses.

To tell you truth,

not wild about tame horses either.

I'm surprised at you, Wild Eagle.

You must have the only Indian tribe in the country

who's afraid to go on a wild horse roundup.

Another Hekawi first.

Now, wait a minute, chief.

You've got horses in this camp.

Now, don't tell me they were just trotting by

and decided to drop in.

You're right. All Hekawi horses drop-ins.

Oh, we also have a few dropouts.

Come on, Agarn.

We should've known better than to come up here.

They couldn't catch a pussycat.

That not true.

Hekawis catch pussycats all the time.

Well, goody for you.

Catch horses the same way we catch pussycats.

How's that?

Use catnip for cats.

And horsenip for horses.

Horsenip?

Boys, I think your headbands are a little too tight.

Chief speak the truth.

This old Hekawi mixture of secret herbs.

Just hide around camp,

and pretty soon, wild horses

come down from hills into camp.

Drive them out of their alfalfa-picking minds.

Wait a minute. Let me get this straight.

You mean, just hiding that stuff,

you can catch wild horses?

That and $10.

Where do we hide the $10?

In my pocket.

All right. You got yourself a deal.

If it don't work, we get our money back.

Guarantee it to work.

On a good day, you can even pick up a few pussycats.

Think Black Devil's still down in that canyon, sarge?

Well, I'll take a look.

Yeah. Well, he's down there, all right.

Go ahead and sprinkle that stuff around.

Right, sarge.

We'll come back later, and Black Devil will be ours.

I didn't use it all up, sarge.

Good thinking. In case we don't get him the first time.

Right. Oh.

Uh...

listen, I think we ought to celebrate.

I'm with you, sarge.

Oh... Hey, sarge. Huh?

How much do you think we'll get for that horse

from that Wild West show?

Well, I don't know, but I heard about a guy at Dodge

that sold a stallion that wasn't half the horse

that Black Devil is for 300.

Music to my ears.

And an... An investment of $10, huh?

Sarge, we could corner the entire wild-horse market.

Shall we celebrate?

Scully... two beers.

I'd like to propose a toast.

To you, sarge. A man who's gonna capture Black Devil.

Now. Oh, no.

Now, Agarn, you deserve as much credit as I do.

After all, you thought of going to the Indians.

Yeah, but you found the horse.

All right. Then to the both of us. Ah.

Now, sarge, there is a beautiful horse.

Yeah, he sure is.

Black Devil! Black Devil!

You wanted to see me? Yes, sarge.

Now...

we know that Black Devil is too smart

to go for the horsenip twice.

Right. Right?

I've come up with a new plan.

It had better be a good one.

That Wild West show is leaving town tonight.

I've been thinking, sarge.

The one thing boys are always looking for...

is girls.

Agarn, I got no time for a lecture

on the birds and the bees.

What about the birds and the bees?

Some other time. What's the plan?

Well, Black Devil is a boy horse.

Right.

He's gotta be looking for a girl horse.

Agarn, he's got 20 fillies in his herd already.

Well, now, wouldn't you get tired

waking up every morning looking at

the same old tired horse faces?

Now, well, yeah, you got a point there, I guess.

Here's my plan.

We take the best-looking filly we got,

take her up to the clearing.

And you can bet me that Black Devil is gonna come

trotting around to look her over.

You know, I believe you're right.

How about Queenie here? Huh?

All wrong.

Why is that?

Bad legs.

Oh.

Uh, Daisy.

Daisy won't work.

Why is that?

Too hippy. Doesn't watch her figure.

Oh, I know. Eats like a horse.

Yeah, come to think of it, she does have a... A build

kind of like that girl you used to date

over in Dodge City. Heh.

Are you kidding?

If that girl had a figure like Daisy,

I'd still be dating her.

Well, Lulubell.

Never.

What do you mean, never?

She hates men. How do you know?

She hates me! Huh.

Look, you seem to be an authority on girl horses.

Who would you suggest?

Well, there's only one choice, sarge.

Zelda.

Zelda?

Yep.

Gentlemen always prefer blonds.

Well, she's a beauty, all right. I'll say that.

Wonderful personality. Lovely disposition.

And a great sense of humor.

All right.

You take her up to the clearing.

I'll go bargain with those Wild West people,

and meet you up there as quick as I can.

Right.

Now, Zelda, don't be nervous.

You're not the first girl

who ever went out on a blind date.

I'll make you look... pretty.

You know, you look adorable in bangs.

Now, when Black Devil arrives...

you let him think that he's sweeping you off your feet.

And I'll be hiding in back of that rock over there.

And when he comes up close to nuzzle you,

I'll throw the rope around him.

Now, you just be having a...

casual snack when he comes in.

Of course, he is a big, good-looking thing,

so you just be... friendly and outgoing.

And don't be forward. Men don't like aggressive women.

Oh, Zelda. My baby.

If I could only find a girl who looks like you.

I'm gonna hide now.

Just remember one thing:

don't play hard to get.

Steady now.

Steady now.

Don't be afraid.

Don't be afraid. Now, no... Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Nobody's going to hurt you. Whoa.

Capt. Parmenter. What are you doing up here, sir?

Well, hi, corporal. I'm roping a wild horse.

A wild horse? Whoa, boy. Whoa, boy.

You'd better say, "Whoa, girl."

What? That's Zelda from the fort.

I'll be darned. It is Zelda.

I didn't recognize her in bangs.

But it's her, all right.

Gee, I'm not sure I like her in bangs.

Captain. Never mind the hairdo.

Why are you trying to rope a wild horse?

Well, actually, I'm just practicing.

I'm trying to capture that famous stallion, Black Devil.

You're trying to capture Black Devil?

Right. I'm going to give him to Jane

as a birthday surprise.

A surprise for Jane?

That's right. What are you doing here?

Well, to be perfectly frank with you, captain...

I'm going to try to capture Black Devil myself.

Oh.

Well, in that case, corporal, all I can say is...

may the better roper win.

No, captain. I'm gonna help you capture Black Devil.

No, no, no. You don't have to do that.

Captain, if you wanna give that horse

as a gift to the girl you love...

and you came up here

to risk your life against Black Devil

with just that tiny piece of rope in your hand...

well, that is just the sweetest thing

I've ever heard.

Corporal, there, there.

Now, that's certainly very nice of you.

Just one thing that bothers me.

What's that?

How are we gonna gift-wrap him?

Oh. Well, we'll think of something.

By the way, why did you bring Zelda up here?

That's part of my plan, sir.

See, I figure that a boy horse

is always looking for a girl horse.

Oh. That's very good, Agarn.

Sort of like the birds and the bees. Heh-heh.

What about the birds and the bees?

Heh. Some other time, corporal.

That must be Black Devil, sir.

Yes.

Hey... Oh.

I begged Zelda not to play hard to get.

Corporal, better get your rope ready.

Oh-oh.

He's a lot bigger than I thought he was.

Corporal, he's coming right after us.

Whoa. Head for that cave!

This is certainly an odd turn of events, corporal.

We came up here to get Black Devil, and he got us.

Let's just hope he didn't promise his girl

a soldier for her birthday.

Hi, Dobbs.

No use going in there, Janey. The captain's not in.

Well, where is he?

Out roping a wild horse.

Not Black Devil.

You said it, I didn't.

He didn't go out there alone to rope that killer.

Oh, don't you worry about the captain, Janey.

I taught him how to use a lariat.

And you can bet me that right now,

he's got that Black Devil right where he wants him.

He's got us right where he wants us.

Don't worry, captain. This ought to do it.

Hm? What's that?

I'm gonna write this note, wrap it around a rock,

throw it outside the cave.

Maybe somebody will ride by and see it.

Uh... Let me see that.

Oh, corporal, we can't throw out this note.

Well, why not?

Don't you think it would be embarrassing

if somebody picks up a piece of paper that says:

"Help. We've been captured by a horse.

Signed, Capt. Wilton Parmenter, United States Cavalry?"

But, captain... Black Devil

has had us a prisoner in here for an hour.

And who knows how long he plans to keep us here?

Now, corporal, the one thing we have to guard against

is for both of us to panic.

Well, how about if just one of us panics?

Say. Maybe there's something in the Army manual

that will help us out.

Right, captain, the manual.

Ah... let me see now. Uh... yeah.

"Soldiers, captured by...

"bandits, captured by Indians...

captured by pirates."

No. No, there's

nothing in here about being captured by a horse.

That's the Army for you.

When you need them, they never come through.

Well, you must admit, we're probably the first soldiers

who've ever been held prisoners by a horse.

Well, I can tell you one thing, captain.

All that horse is gonna get out of me

is my name, rank and serial number.

Good man. I knew you wouldn't crack.

Maybe I shouldn't have said that.

I don't think he liked it.

Corporal, I've got an idea.

What's that, captain?

There's an old saying that music soothes the savage beast.

Well, I know another old saying:

They died with their boots on.

Certainly worth a try.

A little music might be just the thing to calm him down.

But, captain...

if we could get out of this cave

to get to a piano,

we wouldn't have to stop and play for him.

No, no, no. I'm... I'm going to sing to him.

Well, I'll give you the beat with my knocking knees.

Oh, what do you think would be a nice tune?

How about "The Old Gray Mare, She Ain't What She Used to Be"?

No, he might think we're making fun of his mother.

Well, that's why you're a captain

and I'm a corporal.

I've got it. I've got it.

♪ Rock a bye baby On the treetop ♪

♪ When the wind blows The cradle will rock ♪

♪ When the bough breaks The cradle will fall ♪

♪ And down will come baby Cradle and all ♪

It worked, Agarn.

He's asleep. Come on.

Corporal Agarn. Corporal Agarn, wake up. Wake up.

What? What? What? Where are we?

Shh. You'll wake up Black Devil.

It's too late.

Whoa, boy. Steady.

He's mine, O'Rourke. I saw him first.

Oh, no, you didn't.

Hey! Got him. He's mine.

What are you talking about? He's mine.

I say... Wrangler, what are you saying?

Jane! Sarge!

This horse is mine. Hey.

Wilton.

Get that rope! Ah...

You knucklehead, you let him get away.

Oh, Wilton, I'm so proud of you.

Wanting to get me that horse for my birthday.

Well, to tell you the truth, Janey,

I'm kind of glad he got away.

Any horse with that much spirit deserves to be free.

I agree with you, captain.

You know, it... would kind of be a shame

to see a saddle on his back.

Zelda.

Where were you when we needed you?

I think we just lost Zelda to Black Devil.

Yeah, but they're gonna make

a lovely couple, captain.

Is this mine?

Sarge... the horse wash is working out just beautiful.

I tell you, we'll have one of these things

leased at every livery stable in the territory.

Hey, sarge.

Hey.

Hey. Black Devil.

He's come for a wash.

Well, a guy will do anything when he's in love.

What are we gonna do, O'Rourke?

This one's on the house.

Oh, sarge.

That's the sweetest thing I ever heard.