Original subtitles

Oh.

Ow!

"First warning: Flaming Arrow coming."

Ooh!

Captain, captain. How bad is it, sir?

Oh. Heh, heh, heh, heh.

Don't laugh, captain.

That's when it hurts the most.

I'm all right. See?

Well, what happened, sir?

It's the strangest thing.

See, I was... I was putting up the duty roster...

Oh, captain, you didn't hit your thumb again?

No. I... I dropped a nail.

It's around here some...

It happened again!

"Second warning: Flaming Arrow coming."

That's what the first one said.

Somebody's trying to tell us something.

But why with a flaming arrow?

Arrows mean only one thing. Indians.

Good thinking, sarge.

Maybe Wild Eagle can tell us what's up.

If he's responsible,

I'm going to make him pay for this.

Pay for what, sir?

Puncturing government property.

Ow! Ooh, ooh.

I think I found that nail.

Uh-oh. Here come trouble.

Palefaces not necessarily mean trouble.

Not necessarily mean not trouble.

Not necessarily not mean not trouble.

Not necessarily... Enough.

One more "not" and I put knot in your tongue.

Chief Wild Eagle, Crazy Cat, we come in peace.

What else?

Uh... We come to ask your advice.

You come to right place. Have wise, old Hekawi saying:

"When crow lay egg in treetop nest,

"then he who plant corn on hillside

"facing sunrise

will play with deer and not with antelope."

Really?

Hey, that's very interesting.

Hey, captain, why don't you just tell him your story.

Oh, yes. My... Ha.

Uh, chief, this morning,

I was nailing up the duty roster, see?

Like this.

You not hit thumb again?

No, I... Well, I dropped a nail, see?

Then all of a sudden... Oh! Ooh! Ooh!

"Final warning: Flaming Arrow coming back.

Soon."

Now we got trouble. Trouble in Hekawi camp.

Chief Flaming Arrow not necessarily mean...

Oh, you asking for knot in tongue!

You mean, Flaming Arrow is the name of an Indian?

He an ancient chieftain,

noblest of all Hekawis.

Noble old chief must be coming down from mountain.

Been on mountain 50 years.

Well, some people like the mountains.

Personally, I prefer the seashore.

Last time he come down from mountain,

him start big fight between palefaces and Indians.

Ah, well that was 50 years ago, Wild Eagle.

Now, conditions have changed.

Only hope Flaming Arrow has.

Chief, somebody come.

Gee, I love a parade. The tramping of feet.

I love every beat I hear of the drum.

What does he do? Him a spare,

in case one of carrier Indians get hole in moccasin.

Not need help. Not need help.

Greetings, oh, ancient warrior.

Brotherhood of Hekawis make you welcome.

Never mind claptrap.

Who strange?

Uh, we're... We're from Fort Courage.

I'm Captain Parmenter.

This is Corporal Agarn and Sergeant O'Rourke.

You must be Flaming Arrow.

How you know that?

We got your calling card.

Don't need help.

Him very ancient.

Live through 147 burning hot summers.

Also live through 147 freezing cold winters.

And you call that living?

A hundred and forty-seven years old?

Why, that's amazing.

You don't look a day over 120.

Abraham Lincoln say same thing.

Only then, me was 120.

Oh, yeah. Well, you must have known a lot of famous men.

You don't think me famous?

Me blood brother to George Washington,

father of your country.

George good paleface.

Me trust him.

Say, did you know Benjamin Franklin too?

Silly Ben. Wear funny glasses.

Make stupid remark.

Fly paper in sky.

Yeah. That's silly Ben, all right.

How 'bout James Madison?

Me visit President Madison and wife.

Wife say, "Hello, Flaming Arrow."

Me say, "Hello, Dolly."

You're certainly well-preserved for your years.

That's because me drink mountain blackberry juice.

Kitchy-kitchy-koo.

Well, how you know my name?

Well, I must say, uh...

You're still pretty frisky.

Me still pinch squaw, but me don't remember why.

Well, we'd... We'd better get going.

It's been a pleasure meeting you, Flaming Arrow.

Yeah. We'll see you around, chief.

And take it easy on that juice. You're not getting any younger.

Palefaces.

Uh, captain. Ahem.

Ahem. With your permission, sir,

Corporal Agarn and I would like to ride back to the Hekawi camp.

What for, sergeant?

Well, uh, sir, I don't like Flaming Arrow's reputation,

and I just wanna make sure that his visit here

doesn't spoil our relations with the Hekawis.

Uh, right, Agarn? Right, sarge.

Right, sarge!

Very well, then. Men, you two can go back to the Hekawi camp.

I'll ride on to the fort.

Yes, sir.

Uh, captain? Yeah?

The fort is that way, sir.

Oh. Of course.

But, uh, you don't have to worry about Flaming Arrow.

Take it from me, that nice old man wouldn't hurt a fly.

Kill!

Why you kill palefaces? They not do anything.

You not do anything either.

You not make war on palefaces.

You not set fire to settlement.

You not add scalp to collection.

And tell me, chicken-heart, when you had last good massacre?

But we at peace.

What wrong with burying hatchet?

Next time don't bury hatchet in ground.

Bury hatchet in head.

Flaming Arrow, why you not like palefaces?

Palefaces liars.

They break treaty. They break word.

They... Ooh!

I break hand.

You tell Parmenter George Washington your friend.

Flaming Arrow help George in Great War against British.

You heard of Minutemen?

Me Minute Indian.

Me prop George up in rowboat.

Me pose George for painting.

And when George go away to Valley Forge,

me say, George, don't forget muffler.

No catch cold.

Then what happen?

Fifty years ago, me try to get land back.

Me fail.

But now time come to try again.

And this time, Flaming Arrow won't fail!

Not need help.

Go.

Yankees, go home!

Before Flaming Arrow see you.

We're not gonna bother the old man.

We just came back to ask when the next shipment

of blankets and whiskey's gonna be ready.

Ready now.

Well... Then what's holding things up?

We got customers waiting.

They wait forever.

Me know all about O'Rourke Enterprises.

Ah, so that's it. You want a cut, huh?

Me want cut-off.

No more enterprises.

But, Flaming Arrow... All palefaces enemies.

And me crush you, just like this:

Hey!

Flaming Arrow has spoken.

Captain, there's trouble brewing at the Hekawi camp.

No, there couldn't be.

I don't believe it. You'd better believe it, sir.

Flaming Arrow's stirring up those Indians.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

That's... That's funny.

I seem to have a pounding in my ears.

Those are tom-toms, captain.

Oh, really? Ehh.

It's catchy, isn't it?

Hostile tom-toms, sir.

Oh. Well, on, uh, second thought, maybe I'd better go

have a friendly little chat with Flaming Arrow.

Captain, have you been, uh, holding your breath?

No. Why do you ask?

Your finger's turning blue.

Send in dog of a captain.

Hello there, Flaming Arrow.

I just thought I'd bring you a few tokens of our esteem.

Beware of palefaces bringing gifts.

No, no, no. That's Greeks bearing gifts.

You know, the Trojan Horse.

Hmmph. Me old, but me not that old.

Look, look.

Beads and trinkets.

Cheap stuff.

Costume wampum.

What do you say, Flaming Arrow?

Let's... Let's smoke the peace pipe.

That for peace pipe.

Well.

Two can play at that game.

Oh, come on, Flaming Arrow.

We're acting like a couple of children.

Not bad, 147-year-old man acting like child.

What is it you want from us?

You not give Indian what Indian want.

Try us. Whole United States back.

Whole United States?

Starting with Fort Courage.

We're gonna get this right, if we stay here all day.

Oh, good morning, sir.

Good morning, gentlemen.

All right, men, at ease.

Men, the future of the whole United States hinges on F Troop.

You are your nation's first line of defense.

I hope the country's got a second line.

Now, I realize we're all out of practice

and a little bit rusty.

If we were any rustier, we'd have to get oiled.

But some good, intensive training should fix that up.

Ready!

Aim.

Fire.

All right, you knuckleheads,

either learn how to shoot straight,

or don't aim at nothing but fat Indians.

Now, men, a lot of Indian fighting

takes place at close quarters.

So I'm now going to give you a demonstration

of sheer physical power in hand-to-hand combat.

Dobbs, you be the Hekawi.

The first thing you do is challenge the Hekawi.

On the count of three.

Three.

The next thing you do is make it two out of three.

You dogfaces call that camouflage?

Ha, the worst lamebrain in the world

would know that that's a trap.

Men, I just thought I'd drop by to see...

To see how you're doing in camouflage practice.

What take Flaming Arrow so long to get up this morning?

When you 147 years old,

you lucky to get up any morning.

Hekawi brothers,

Flaming Arrow make decision.

We attack palefaces tomorrow, sunrise.

What's wrong with tonight?

Indians no attack at night.

Why not?

Indians afraid of spirits.

That not real reason, featherhead.

Then what real reason?

Indians... afraid of dark.

And now, prepare for war.

And a one, and a two.

Captain, sir, we've had all the townspeople

rounded up in a compound here, just in case.

Well, I hope it won't come to an attack,

but I've had Jane wire for reinforcements.

Wilton, I couldn't send your message.

All the wires have been cut.

Then we're on our own.

But we can do it. That's what we're here for.

We can face any odds and come out the victors.

Sarge, if I thought there was gonna be any fighting,

I'd have never joined the Army.

Captain!

Oh, captain, it's terrible.

What is it, Duffy?

Now we know what Duffy sees.

So far so good.

Siege going fine.

Flaming Arrow, me not understand.

Always you say, attack, attack, attack.

Now you not attack.

Fifty years ago, me attack and lose many braves.

Siege more better.

But always you say, kill, kill, kill.

And now you not kill.

This more civilized.

We cut off supplies.

Starve palefaces until too weak to fight.

Then we attack.

Attack. Attack.

Kill. Kill.

Kill.

I tell you, we're in rough shape, sir.

The men are gonna fall apart

if the they don't get some food pretty soon.

Even Duddleson's losing weight.

This morning he was standing next to the flagpole,

and Vanderbilt tried to run Old Glory up him.

And Duffy, I caught him pouring salt on his shoe.

That's dreadful.

Well, actually, the lacings weren't bad,

if you thought of 'em as spaghetti with metal tips.

Please, not while I'm not eating.

I'm telling you, the men are getting weaker.

Sir, we just... We just gotta do something.

I don't like to say this, sir,

but maybe we ought to surrender.

What? Surrender?

F Troop? Surrender?

F Troop? Quit?

Why, we'd go down in history,

not as Fort Courage but Fort Coward.

But, sir, he who quits and runs away

will live to quit another day.

Would General Grant have surrendered?

Would Lafayette have surrendered?

Would Washington have surrendered?

Washington.

What's the matter?

Did he surrender?

Didn't Flaming Arrow tell us he trusted George Washington?

Yes, he called him a good paleface.

That's right.

If we got George Washington to talk to him...

Uh, sergeant, you'd better sit down.

You're not well. It's probably from lack of food. Here.

Maybe we can get Duffy to give him a piece of his other shoe.

No, no. Don't you understand?

You're gonna be George Washington.

First in war. First in peace.

Me?

First in the hearts of his F Troop buddies.

General Washington, sir, we salute you.

It'll never work, I tell ya.

Flaming Arrow may be feeble,

but he's not feeble-minded.

Agarn, hold still.

If he falls for this, I'm Napoleon.

You're not Napoleon. You're George Washington.

I know. I know. I can tell by my curls.

Agarn, please be quiet. I can't get this hat to fit.

Yeah, well he can't help it if it's a three-cornered hat

and he's got a four-cornered head.

Please do this, Corporal Agarn.

You're the only chance we have

at ever getting a square meal again.

Well, if you put it that way, sir.

All right. Now, remember what all you know about Washington.

It's a hundred miles from Passaic.

George Washington.

And remember you were born in 1732.

- When did I die? - You didn't die.

I didn't die? Well, that makes me feel better.

Now, remember, you once threw a dollar across the Potomac.

Ha, ha. I'm very reckless with my money.

Now, what was your wife's name?

Mrs. Washington.

Her first name.

Mrs. George Washington. How do I know?

No, no, no. Your wife's name was Martha Custis,

and she was a wealthy widow.

Wealthy, huh? Heh.

No wonder I'm reckless with my money.

Now remember, at the end of the war, you said goodbye

to your faithful officers at Fraunces Tavern.

Farewell, my brave soldiers.

But before I go,

could I have a nice, thick steak smothered with onion?

Agarn.

How 'bout spaghetti with metal tips?

Cut it out.

Everything depends on you, corporal.

Oh, but I'm sure this will work.

Why, you're the very image of George Washington.

Mmm.

Uh, Captain Parmenter... Isn't that...?

Isn't that...?

No. It couldn't be.

Go ahead, Dobbs. Isn't that who?

Thomas Jefferson, sir.

Oh, if I could have got you at Valley Forge.

Flaming Arrow. Flaming Arrow.

Flaming Arrow.

Who there?

George.

George who?

George.

Washington?

Yes, my old comrade-in-arms.

Why are you so surprised to see me?

First me think you Thomas Jefferson.

Flaming Arrow.

I've come to talk to you.

You not dead?

Of course not.

I just retired from public service.

You know how it is with us old soldiers.

We never die. We just write our memoirs.

If you not dead, who they bury at Mount Vernon?

King George III.

It was the only way

he could keep his own piece of American soil.

Me glad to see you, George.

How old bunch?

Gone. They're all gone. Very sad.

Tom, Ben, the Adams boys. All gone.

How Betsy?

Betsy?

Oh. That Betsy. Betsy Ross.

Fingers stiffen up a little bit,

but she still manages to sew on a new star

every once in a while.

Why you so hungry?

I'm breaking in a new set of false teeth.

Why don't we go outside where we can talk better?

No. We talk more better here.

It's too warm here.

Ever since Valley Forge, I'm used to the cold.

You forgot muffler again?

Please, if I wanna be nagged,

I can always go home to Martha.

Flaming Arrow, what's this I hear about you making war again?

Just want Hekawi land back.

But the palefaces have always been your friends.

Remember Nathan Hale.

Remember Paul Revere. Remember Patrick Henry.

They not make palefaces like that anymore.

Come back to my place, uh, and we'll talk over old times.

No. Maybe me better go back to camp.

No, no, no. Don't do that.

I've got a surprise for you.

Listen, George. They're playing our song.

Should have known this was trick.

Real George Washington much taller.

Well, anyway, it's all over, Flaming Arrow.

The siege has been lifted,

and the Hekawis have gone peacefully back to their camp.

I know he's here. Where is he? Where's Flaming Arrow?

You ain't allowed to go in there, ma'am.

See, he can't have any visitors.

Uh, I'll handle it, Dobbs.

My name is Captain Parmenter. May I be of assistance?

Where Flaming Arrow?

Me come to take him back to mountain.

Oh, he's right here, ma'am. I'll get him for you.

That Flaming Arrow,

every time I let him out of tepee,

same thing happen.

Cause trouble. Make war.

That's the way, Flaming Arrow. Ah.

Not happen again.

No get chance happen again.

Me take you back to mountain.

Me can't leave now. Me prisoner.

Oh, that's all right.

We'll let you go home with your wife.

She not my wife.

She my mother.

Some mothers never let go.