Original subtitles

Sarge, I tell you, you're wasting your time.

Well, all I know is, that business in that saloon

has fallen off 50 percent.

Now, we gotta find some way to get those troopers back.

Maybe we ought to stop watering the whiskey.

Ha, ha, ha.

Where are you?

Well, I'm not asking you how to run my business.

Now, look, the captain still think Pete owns that saloon.

You just back up whatever I say.

Okay, sarge, but he said no before.

Come in.

Captain.

At ease, men. I'm just sealing this letter.

Right, sir. There. There we are.

Now, what...?

Now, what can I do for you, men?

Well, sir, we've come on behalf of good old Pete.

Good old Pete?

The bartender over at the saloon.

The widower. With nine children.

All with rickets.

Oh, no, I'm awfully sorry to hear that.

Maybe we could take some money out of the troop fund

and give him a hand.

Oh, no, sir. He would never accept charity.

What does he want? Dancing girls.

Dancing girls? For rickets?

You don't understand, sir.

You see, Pete could triple his business

if you would just allow him to have dancing girls.

That's right. Their shapely legs

could get his kids' legs in shape.

Sergeant, you know that I have always felt

that there is no place at Fort Courage

for this sort of thing.

It's a distracting element for the troops.

Sir, I think it's very important for the morale of the troops.

I mean, there's nothing better after a long day of soldiering

than to relax with a beer

and to soak up a little entertainment.

What if we should have an...? Oh. Here.

What if we should have a surprise Indian attack?

Well, we'd surprise them, sir.

None of our men would be in the fort.

They'd all be over at the saloon.

Ah, but did it ever occur to you they would attack the saloon?

They'd be playing into our hands, sir.

An Indian with a tomahawk is no match

for a girl with taps on her shoes.

Yes, sir. All things being considered.

I mean, Pete trying to make a living for his family.

The kids with their rickety little legs.

The morale of F Troop. Well...

Actually, there is nothing in the manual about it.

That's right, sir, nothing in the manual.

It's for a good cause. Yes, it is for a good cause.

Where does Pete expect to get these dancing girls?

From Dodge City, sir.

It's part of our cultural exchange program.

Well, thank you very much, sir.

I am sure that you will never regret this.

Sarge, you did it. You are beautiful.

Just stick with me, pal. This is only the beginning.

Whoa.

Oh, excuse me, soldiers, is this where I find

the military governor of the town?

Yeah, right in there. Captain Parmenter's his name.

Are you a stranger in these parts, stranger?

Yes, but not for long.

I'm Dan Larson, the new owner of the saloon.

Why don't you drop around tonight?

Drinks are on the house.

Well, thank you, Mr.Larson. Very nice of you...

New owner of the saloon?!

Hey! What are you talking about?

Oh, you must be Sergeant O'Rourke,

former holder of this lease.

How'd you get that?

When the owner of the building turned down my bid,

he made the mistake of telling me

he was leasing to a soldier on active duty,

the rest was easy.

Listen, we got no room here at Fort Courage for blackmailers.

Oh, come now, sergeant, every town needs a crook.

Oh, uh, the offer of drinks on the house still goes.

Oh, hi, Wild Eagle. Hi, Crazy.

O'Rourke.

Hi, Chief. Hi, Craze.

We've been expecting you. Have some of whiskey ready.

Squaws have been working their feet to the bone.

Have been operating still round the sundial.

Well, that's fine, but I can't take delivery right now.

I just lost the saloon.

Please, sergeant, don't make jokes.

Hekawis have no sense of humor.

The Navajos are the laughers. Yeah, yeah, Navajos.

They a million laughs.

He's not joking.

Some guy come into town and found out

the sarge was running the saloon illegally

and took over the lease by blackmail.

Yeah, Larson's his name. And larceny's his game.

You got dirty deal, O'Rourke.

Wild Eagle hate man who do a thing like that.

Nothing worse than crook.

Where this man now? Now, wait a minute, chief.

I don't want you to go on the warpath.

What warpath?

Want to sell him the whiskey.

That's a fine thing, chief.

I thought you always said

the sarge and me was like sons to you.

I just put you up for adoption.

Maybe Shoshones take you? Yeah, they crazy about kids.

Chief, you gotta help me get my saloon back.

If you don't sell your whiskey to this blackmailer,

it'll drive him out of business.

How long you think that take?

Believe me, chief, he'll be out of town in two moons.

Make it a moon and a half and you got a deal.

Fair enough, and if he's not gone by then,

I pay for the whiskey.

Someone coming.

You can bet me it's Larson.

It's Larson, all right.

Whoa.

Him not look like crook.

Can't go by face.

Sergeant O'Rourke not look like one either.

Don't bother getting off your wagon, Larson.

You can't buy a drop of whiskey here.

That's right.

The Hekawis are our friends

and they don't do business with blackmailers.

You tell him, chief. Sergeant O'Rourke speak truth.

Hekawis very loyal people. Poor, but loyal.

Never break word. Friendship mean more than money.

Nothing you say can make me sell you whiskey.

That's very admirable, chief.

At least make offer.

Wild Eagle. Six dollars a case.

We deliver anywhere.

I'm surprised at you, Craze.

Oh, I didn't come up here to buy any whiskey.

You didn't?

No, I thought perhaps the chief

would like to buy some of mine.

You got whiskey?

All I could use.

There it is. Blackfoot bourbon.

Apache ale, Comanche cognac and Shawnee sherry.

Well, good day, gentlemen. I have to dash back.

Grand opening tonight, you know.

Hope you'll all be there to see my line of dancing girls.

Dancing girls? Dancing girls?

Dancing girls? Now, now, Jane.

You, as military governor of this fort,

would stand by and let a stranger

run the saloon with 10 dancing girls?

Twelve, but who's counting?

I just bet you know how many there are.

You probably couldn't wait to go over there and greet 'em.

Now, Jane, as military governor,

it was my duty to check their costumes

and see that they were not going to be scantily clad.

Well, are they gonna be scantily clad?

Not now.

Wilton Parmenter.

Oh, now, Jane, you're getting upset over nothing.

Why, I think Fort Courage is ready for dancing girls.

And I think it's indecent.

Now, Janey, don't be a prude.

Why, at rehearsal this afternoon...

At rehearsal?

I had to check the dance too.

And all they were doing was this new dance from France, see?

It's called the cancan. Now, watch.

♪ Da, da, da Yum ba-bum ♪

♪ Bum, bum, bum Bum ba-bum ♪

Now, is there anything wrong with that?

Not when you're wearing a cavalry uniform.

♪ Bum ba-bum, shh Bum, shh... ♪

Oh, sorry, sir. We didn't know you were busy.

Oh, no, no, that's all right.

Sir, we can come back at intermission.

No. No.

As a matter of fact, I'm glad you're here

because Jane and I were just discussing the dancing girls.

I think it's shameful.

You do?

Yes, I do, O'Rourke.

Now... Now, sergeant, explain to Jane

why we need dancing girls at Fort Courage.

But I don't think we should have them, sir.

I mean, I... I agree completely with Jane.

You do? Well, what about Pete the bartender?

Didn't you tell me his children were suffering from rickets?

Not rickets, sir. Crickets.

Crickets? O'ROURKE: That's right, sir.

They had the house surrounded.

The children couldn't get any sleep.

But that's all over, sir.

They burned the fields,

and now those kids are sleeping like babies.

What about our cultural exchange program with Dodge City?

Dodge City, sir, is a sin city.

Do you realize that they have 40 saloons and one school?

And they serve whiskey there too.

Now, Wilton, what are you gonna do about this?

I've already given permission for the girls to dance.

Sir, if there are no troopers,

there'll be no business in the saloon.

And if there's no business,

this, uh, undesirable element will be forced to leave town.

And here come the troopers into town.

Captain, you better do something fast.

Those men are headed for the saloon.

Halt.

Hey, halt! Oof.

Oh, captain.

Are you all right, sir? Yes, yes, I'm fine. I'm fine.

All right, troop, fall in!

The captain has something important to say to you.

Men, this is your captain speaking.

I would like to announce

that you are all restricted to the fort.

No one will be allowed in town until further notice.

How dare you give your captain the grumbles!

Take over, sergeant. Yes, sir.

All right, everybody, back to the fort.

Hey, sarge, how come the captain won't let us

come to town no more?

Because horse soldiers and dancing girls don't mix.

The captain made his mind up awful sudden-like, O'Rourke.

I'll bet this was all your idea.

No, it was our idea.

All right, get a move on.

Sarge, they're mad at us.

Ah, they'll get over it.

Well, just the same.

Let's not have any target practice for at least 24 hours.

Dobbs, would you please show me how to blow the bugle?

I've always wanted to learn how to blow the bugle

and you're just about the...

Duffy, please tell me the story of the Alamo again.

Let me see if I got it right.

There you were with Davy Crockett,

and Santa Anna came charging across...

Vanderbilt, old pal. You've lost a lot of weight.

Please tell me how you did it.

Hey, Agarn. Yes!

Oh, it's you, sarge.

I'm going over the things we're gonna need

when we get the saloon back from Larson.

Sarge, the men have been giving me the silent treatment.

They've been giving it to me too, so what?

Now, look, it's a cinch.

After two days of restriction to this fort,

the guys are gonna drink more than six cases of whiskey.

So we gotta get word to Wild Eagle.

Sarge, maybe you don't mind the men not talking to you,

but I can't take it. I'm...

Well, I'm the sensitive type.

Agarn, I'm talking to you.

Sarge, it's not enough. I want my buddies to talk to me.

Dobbs, old buddy, talk to me. Say something. Anything.

You see that, sarge? Did you see that?

He hates me. They all hate me.

Oh, come on, stop carrying on so.

It's only for a little while.

Why don't you go hit your bunk. Get some rest.

You're right. You're right.

So this beautiful señorita comes up to me and says:

"My name is Conchita." And I said...

So this beautiful señorita comes up to me and says:

"My name is Conchita."

That's the funniest thing I ever heard.

That's a knee-slapper, Duffy. Ha, ha.

I'll finish the story later, men.

Vanderbilt.

Polly want a cracker?

Polly want a cracker.

Polly want a cracker?

You gotta speak to me, Polly. Say something.

You've poisoned this parrot's mind against me.

Dobbs, you gotta talk to me.

Say anything to me, Dobbs. Anything or I'll go crazy.

You don't wanna see a man go crazy, do you, Dobbs?

I tell you I'll go crazy, Dobbs.

Crazy. Dobbs, Dobbs.

Dobbs, you can't do this to me. Dobbs, I am your buddy.

Dobbs, say anything to me.

Well, say something to me, Dobbs.

Say something. Anything, Dobbs.

Dobbs. Dobbs. Agarn?

You said something to me, Dobbs. You said my name.

What is it, Dobbs? What is it? You're standing on my foot.

I'm sorry, Dobbs. I'll fix that up in a minute.

I've got some good polish over here.

Won't take any time at all.

It'll be beautiful, Dobbs. Be just like new.

You'll love it, Dobbs. You'll just love it.

Agarn? Yes, Duffy?

Anything I can do for you, Duffy? Polish your boots?

Press your uniform? Trim your mustache? Name it.

Agarn, if you want us to talk to you,

there's something you can do for us.

What is it, Duffy? Name it. Anything.

Figure out a way we can get into town to see those dancing girls.

Yeah.

If I did that, the sarge would never speak to me again.

Oh, well, there's only one of him

and there's 12 of you and a parrot.

Aha! Ha!

Come on.

All right, you men, look alive.

I want the area in front of the captain's quarters cleaned up,

is that clear?

Now, let's go.

All right, men, into the wagon.

Hey, move to the right.

I'll see you for dinner, Wilton.

Thanks for the strawberries.

You're welcome, Wilton. Hi, Jane.

Hi, Agarn.

Uh, allow me to help you in the wagon.

Why, thank you, Agarn.

Oh, Jane. Yes, Wilton?

You, uh, forgot your basket.

Oh, well, just throw it in the wagon, Wilton.

Oh.

Corporal...

What were the men doing in that wagon?

Searching it, sir.

Now, why would they be searching my wagon?

Jane, that's a military secret.

Now, see here, corporal.

It's obvious that those men were trying to sneak into town.

Yeah, right here!

Agarn, I want you to throw these men in the guardhouse.

What seems to be the trouble, sergeant?

Well, sir, I caught Duffy crawling into the cannon

and Dobbs was gonna shoot him over the wall.

It's obvious, sergeant, that this confinement

is breaking down the morale of my troop.

Men, this is your captain speaking.

As of now, I am rescinding the order

restricting you to the fort.

What's that mean?

It means that now we can go to town

and see them dancing girls.

Hip, hip... ALL: Hooray!

Hip, hip... ALL: Hooray!

Hip hip... MEN: Hooray!

What are you cheering for?

Nothing, sarge, I just like to cheer.

Come on, hey.

All right, come on.

Take it easy, be a little patient.

Everybody'll get their table. Now, just be a little patient.

Well, good evening, gentlemen. Nice to see you.

Wish we could say the same, Larson.

I'm afraid you'll have to stand out here.

There's a three-hour wait for tables.

You think you got it made, don't you?

That's a one-beer-a-night crowd. Yeah.

You haven't found out what I'm charging for that beer.

Figures, you'd raise the price.

There's also a cover charge, gentlemen.

A cover charge!

Come on, sarge... Wait a minute.

How much? A dollar a couple.

And I must say you make a lovely couple.

I'd have punched him in the nose,

but it's so unladylike.

Ah, it wouldn't have done any good anyway.

At these prices, he won't go out of business

until the building collapses.

Ah, don't worry, I'm gonna think of some way

to get him out of here.

Wait a minute, what did you say?

He won't go out of business until the building collapses.

Agarn, I don't know why people say you're dumb.

Who says I'm dumb? Shh.

Sarge, I know it's cheaper in here, but it's no fun.

We're only gonna be here till closing time.

We are? And then what?

We're gonna do a little carpentry work.

Carpentry work? Yeah.

You know, sarge, I am... Shh.

Tomorrow, the military governor of the territory...

Captain Parmenter. Right.

Is going to make a building inspection of this saloon.

When you change your costume, Lilly,

let's run through that new number.

I'll only be a minute, Dan.

Oh, good afternoon, captain.

Sergeant O'Rourke. Corporal. Good afternoon, Mr. Larson.

We don't open until 6, but I'm always delighted

to have my friends drop in anytime.

I'm here on official business. Oh?

The captain's just here to make a routine building inspection.

Well, I'm sure you'll find everything in good order.

Good, good. Now, I have several safety precautions

I have to ask you about.

Well, why don't you sit right down here, sir?

No, no, no, captain.

Sit over here, sir.

Are you all right, sir? Yes, yes, I'm all right.

Well, the chairs in this place certainly are in bad shape.

That's never happened before.

A likely story.

Sir, I demand a complete investigation.

That table was in perfectly good shape last night.

Why don't you step over to the bar

and have a sarsaparilla to quiet your nerves?

Good idea, sergeant.

Yes, sir, I think a drink is just what you need, sir.

It's, uh... It's on the house, captain.

Aha! Trying to bribe the captain.

I knew he'd get around to that, sir.

I'm not trying to bribe anybody.

Are you all right, sir?

This whole place is falling apart.

There's nothing wrong with this place.

It's in excellent condition.

Dan, are you ready to see this new step?

Go ahead, Lilly.

Oh, you'll love this, captain.

All right, Harry. Hit it.

Harry, go down to the cellar.

Lilly has fallen through the stage.

It's in worse shape than I imagined.

I don't understand this.

Everything was all right yesterday.

I'd better go upstairs and check that

and see what kind of condition that's in.

O'Rourke? Oh, yes?

I know that you're behind all of this

and you're not gonna get away with it.

Why, I don't have any idea what you're talking about.

You know what I'm talking about.

This should teach you a lesson, Mr. Larson.

The next time you try to steal somebody's saloon,

you should have it inspected first.

I haven't lost this saloon yet. I can handle Captain Parmenter.

Hey, captain. I'm so sorry about that.

You were saying, Mr. Larson?

Oh, my. Oh, yes. Well... Yeah!

Hi, Jane. Hello, Wilton.

You wanted to see me? Yes.

I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you

for running Dan Larson out of town.

Oh, that was nothing, Jane.

It's my duty as military governor of Fort Courage

to see that no undesirable elements come into town.

That's why you're getting rid of the dancing girls.

I didn't say I was getting rid of the girls.

You mean to tell me that you're gonna let those hussies

get up on-stage and throw their legs like this.

Now, just a minute, Jane. You've got this thing all wrong.

Then you'll get rid of the dancing girls?

No, I mean you're doing the dance wrong. Now, watch.

♪ Da, da, da Yum ba-bum ♪

♪ Bum, bum, bum ♪

Now, that's how you do the cancan.

Wilton Parmenter, you're terrible.

You're right, Jane. I should kick a little higher.

That's not what I meant.

Oh, Jane.

In olden days, a glimpse of stocking

was looked on as something shocking.

Now, heaven knows, anything goes.

All right, all right. I've made my decision.

We'll dance over to the saloon and tell them.

Ah!

Captain Parmenter.

What are you doing here, sir? Jane.

As a matter of fact, I was going to ask you the same thing.

You see, sir, when we heard that good old Pete

got his saloon back from Mr. Larson,

we thought we'd just come in here and help him fix the place.

You remember Pete? Nine kids, rickets?

I thought you said crickets.

The crickets are gone, but the rickets are back.

Wilton, you better tell 'em what you came for.

Oh, yes. I came to tell Pete that I've changed my mind.

We're not going to have any dancing girls.

No dancing girls? That's right, sergeant.

It creates too many problems with the troopers.

Problems, sir?

Problems. Right.

So when you see good old Pete,

you tell him he can still operate his saloon

but without dancing girls.

Come on, Wilton, we got a lot of wild strawberries to pick.

Jane, please. Not in front of the men.

So how do you like that?

Yeah.

I knew there was one I missed.