Original subtitles

We'll see you next year, Donovan.

And, Jaden, when I figure out who broke your candy cane, there will be hell to

pay.

Aw, it's always so sad when the Christmas decorations come down.

You know what's really sad is that it's almost March.

Yeah, well, don't remind me. All this time, and I still have got no nibbles on

my job applications.

I keep telling you, you've got to zhuzh up your resume a bit.

Well, you know, you say zhuzh, but what you really mean is lie.

Still feel terrible about shrinking the font size to 11.

Come on, babe.

You're up against people who are embellishing the hell out of their

achievements. And your resume. It's just so honest.

Look at this. Look at this.

Here's a section called weaknesses.

Car sickness. In case they wanted to carpool.

B, thanks for lending us Terrence.

Oh, no, no, no, put him there. Uh -uh, girl.

Him and Jimmy got beef.

Dave, your competition is making up all kinds of stuff on their resume.

If you want to make an honest living, you're going to have to lie.

I guess you make a good point.

The good point I've been making for four months.

You know, Calvin, you're right.

Maybe I do need to zhuzh it up a little.

You didn't even say zhuzh. I said zhuzh.

I have to say, I'm on Team Calvin.

You mean Team Gemma.

You wouldn't believe how much I embellished my resume.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Are you saying I hired you up a zhuzhed up resume?

Too late.

I have your grin, baby.

Welcome to the block. Welcome to the neighborhood.

Welcome to the... Oh, my

God. Gemma!

They just dropped a clip from the new episode of Trophy Divas of Brentwood.

Okay. Savannah took muscle relaxers. She drove her cyber truck.

It's a Sephora. Oh, wait, was Sephora the store or Sephora the housewife?

both. Oh, my God. Okay, no, no, no. No more spoilers. Let's go watch. Let's go

watch.

Dave.

Dave. Guess who just called?

The jeweler.

You didn't let me guess. You know I love to guess.

I'm sorry, ma 'am, but Courtney's engagement ring is finally ready.

Operation... Proposal is underway.

All right.

Yeah.

Now, I've got to pick the perfect date to pop the question.

What do you think of a prime number date to show that we can't be divided?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Hey, Dad, can you just sign this?

Yeah, sure. What is it? Um, the usual.

No need to bother reading it. I already read it for you.

In that case, I definitely want to read it.

Hey, Grover, you have played this very badly.

Um, it just says I don't have to do P .E. because of my asthma.

Oh, been there.

I know exactly how you feel.

No, you don't.

He doesn't have asthma.

Little boy, that is stolen valor.

Look, let's not argue over who does and doesn't have asthma when all you have to

do is sign your name right there and then I get a free period.

Grover, that would be a lie.

But everybody does it.

Charlie said he was allergic to his own sweat, and Jacob claimed a religious

exemption to volleyball.

I don't care what everyone does.

Honesty matters, and the truth will always come out. Remember this.

Realize, realize, realize.

I'm sorry.

What was that?

Okay, you know what? I'm going to slow it down.

Realize, realize, real.

Lies.

I realize I should have asked Mom.

OK, close your eyes and open your mouth.

Mm, I'm going to say toro.

What part of the toro? The belly.

Hey, you're getting good at this.

Well, we do sit here every night and play guess the sushi.

Mercedes, we've been going out for the last two months. And you know, we have

never actually Going out?

We go out. We've gone out to the patio to meet the sushi guy.

Look, come on, Sadie.

OK, I know it's not ideal, but as soon as we go out, everything will change.

People will recognize me, and they'll swarm us, and they'll take our picture,

and you can kiss your private life goodbye.

Look, I don't want that, but keeping me hidden away like this.

I feel like a side peep.

Oh, come on, Malcolm. You're my only peep.

No. No. No. See, you kissing me like this will not make these issues go away.

OK. Yep.

What were we talking about?

Oh.

She plays chess, you idiot.

Hey.

Look who's home early.

Yep. And I don't have to pick Daphne up from daycare for another 20 minutes.

Oh, really?

Really.

I was thinking we could get into a little afternoon delight.

No, no, no, no, no.

No? No, no, no, no.

Not on the couch. The bed.

So much for spontaneity.

Well, not on the bed.

Under the bed.

What? Look,

you said you wanted spontaneity. Let's go.

This is what I'm talking about.

This is a well -judged resume.

Well, a lot of good it's doing me. All these jobs are just out of my reach.

this one.

Background in conflict mediation and therapy.

Okay, great. But it's with the L .A. Rams.

Rams?

What's the but?

There is no but, Dave. The but is it says football experience a must.

Oh, dang, come on, football experience of months, man.

That could mean anything.

I think it means I must have football experience.

I mean, well, you played football, right?

No. In middle school? Nope. The only sports my mom allowed me to play were co

-ed badminton and soccer.

And then?

What does the rest of the world call soccer?

Football. Boom!

There's your football experience.

I guess you could make that case, but Calvin... No, no, no, no, Dave. No more

buts. Come on, man.

This is a great job for you. You'll be doing what you love.

You'll be providing for your family.

That is true.

And it comes with great perks for you and me.

Last season, I had a bender. They took me to their luxury box at SoFi Stadium.

Ah, Dave.

You and me hanging out in a luxury box.

Yeah, man.

And David, that dessert cart, all the churros you can eat.

Say no more. Game on. Game on.

All right, what we watching?

Oh, my God.

We have finished Netflix.

Come on.

No, baby, look.

Already watched.

Already watched. Already watched. It doesn't even have suggestions.

Okay. Uh... Let's do it.

Get Hulu?

Let's get out of here.

Wait. Really?

Yeah, but it's got to be someplace that no one would ever look for me.

Actually, I know a secluded place right here in Venice.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Now, come on, before you change your mind.

And hey, look, trust me, we will be inconspicuous.

Be cool.

Okay,

what was that shot?

Well, this was very cheap tequila.

I told you, see, guess the shot is a lot more fun than guess the sushi.

Hello, Lenny.

from season three. You saw the way he restrung her racket.

No way she's dating some hourly worker.

Oh my God. You don't think it could be Savannah's hot stepson?

Tina, her stepson is gay.

Mercedes' first husband was gay. That's all right.

Have you asked Malcolm?

What is Demma doing here?

We want answers.

Who is the mystery man?

What are you talking about?

He hasn't seen it yet. It's all over the internet.

Mercedes was seen at some restaurant with a new guy.

He was?

Who is he? Spill it.

Oh, so you can't tell who it is?

Calvin.

Calvin. The guy from the Rams responded. He wants to Zoom with me about the job

ASAP. Oh, man, that's great.

Yeah, yeah, but I have no idea what I'm going to say.

Zhooshing a resume is one thing, but a live interview, that's zhoosh -proof.

I don't know the first thing about football. I don't know when they kick. I

don't know why they kick.

Dave, just calm down, all right? It's a remote job interview.

I could just stand outside the camera and coach you like a defensive

coordinator. Is that who decides when they kick?

Baby. Oh, good morning. Not as good as yesterday afternoon.

I was finding duck bunnies in my pants all day.

use the swiffer under there.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

When do you eat frankenblakes with scary berries?

I don't, but I'm out of raisin bran.

It's mine.

So? You wouldn't like it.

It's so fruity, it's scary.

Fine. I'll have yogurt.

Okay.

Selfish. There you go.

Enjoy.

A lot of people think off -season must be pretty easy right now.

Fact is, for those of us off the field, it's the busiest time of year.

So you guys aren't playing right now?

I like a guy who doesn't take himself too seriously.

Now we're just looking forward to this year's draft.

What do you think of this kid, Brottmiller?

Brottmiller? Uh... Yeah, he... He has got an arm.

And he, uh... He runs.

Out of his pocket.

You know your stuff.

Maybe we should hire you as a scout.

You know, I was actually a Boy Scout.

Yeah, that's on your resume.

Position? Well, I was, uh... I was a strong... safe...

team. I was a strong, safe team.

What a guest punter.

But great!

The fact that you work in mediation and you're a therapist, that's what we're

looking for.

All right, next step, we're going to loop in Tim and the training staff.

I'll send you a link later today.

Okay, great.

Looking forward to it.

Thank you.

We did it. Yeah, baby.

David,

you just nailed it, man.

I can already taste those churros in the luxury box.

So it went well?

Gemma, it was a field goal.

Do we really have to play catch?

Yes. What's more American than a father and son tossing around the old pigskin?

That was a pig?

I have no idea. Now, come on. Go on.

Grover, you're going to need this practice for P .E. Now, cut.

You got this.

Look there.

You threw that right at me.

Did you just hit my truck?

No, no, no. Did you just hit my truck?

Did you just hit my truck? Calvin, Calvin, Calvin.

I was just trying to teach football to Grover.

Well, that's nice, but...

How about we focus on things we can actually achieve?

Like you getting this job.

I'm feeling pretty good about it. Well, feeling pretty good is not good enough,

Dave. You gotta ace this interview, man.

Come on, name some players. Easy.

Travis Kelsey.

Okay, name any player that's not engaged to Taylor Swift.

I got nothing.

Dave, you gotta pretend like you know this stuff.

Wait, so...

I can't fake asthma to get out of sports, but you can lie to get into

Well, Grover, it's not the same.

Why not?

Okay, well, superficially, sure, yeah.

But when you're an adult, you will learn the difference between real lies and

lies you don't even realize are lies.

What the hell are you saying?

He's saying adults can lie and kids can't.

Well, exactly.

Go on, now.

Some of the earliest memories I have with my dad watching those, Chief.

Now, Travis Kelsey's team.

Well, Dave, clearly you are a great fit for the job.

We just want to... Was that your boy?

Hey, little man!

Uh, hello?

How you doing, son?

So, are you a third -generation football fan, huh?

You bet he is!

Yes, football is my favorite. Just the way the players

run, the way they throw the ball, you know, and they sometimes catch

it.

I just try to catch as many games as I can.

Yeah, I am a proud dad, and I

would like to stay that way.

Listen, Graham, I'm going to be honest with you.

I've actually never played.

I want those churros, Dave.

Congratulations, man.

Listen, Courtney.

A keeper.

Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, big bro. You're welcome. And thank you for holding the

Of course, man.

Does this smell like scary berries?

Yes. Yes. It's a long story. I am telling you, man, there is no safe place

this house. This woman is everywhere.

Hello. You dropped something.

No,

it's just, it's very, very personal.

Say no more. Yeah.

He's extremely constipated.

It's his fiber supplement pills he all locked up in here.

She said say no more. Yeah, she did.

Oh, Malcolm, it is nothing to be ashamed of.

I'm going to make you a kiwi smoothie, but you better not have any plants.

You owe me so big.

Calvin, I can't help but feel like I let you down by not getting that job.

Well, because you did let me down, Dave.

Well, I can look my son in the eye and know that I set a good example.

I'm comfortable with my decision.

Well, not as comfortable as we would have been in that luxury box.

Dave, don't worry.

You'll get the next one. I know I will. And, Gemma, I don't want you to feel

bad.

I know you meant well when you told me to lie on my resume.

Wait, now I get the credit?

I mean, what were you thinking, Gemma?

Hey, Gemma, E .T. is back on. And trophy diva of Brentwood, Mercedes Selznick,

was out on the town canoodling with this tall drink of water. And all of

Mercedes Nation wants to know, who is this new boy toy?

Uh, mm -mm, mm -mm.

Oh, my God.

That's Malcolm.

Please, that blur?

You can't even see his face. I don't need to see a face. Look, the ear.