Original subtitles

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-[ Vocalizing ]

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[ Vocalizing ]

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[ Whistle blowing ]

[ Vocalizing ]

[ Whistle blows ]

[ Vocalizing ]

-[ Panting ]

[ Whistle blows ]

-[ Vocalizing ]

[ Whistle blows ]

-[ Gasps ]

[ Groans ]

-[ Vocalizing ]

[ Laughter ]

-Alright. Quiet down, quiet down.

Alright, so for the new guys, water polo --

What is it?

Anybody?

-A sport?

-A sport?

Can you be more specific?

-Full contact. Whoo-whoo! -Okay!

-Anyone else?

What else?

-I mean, it's in the water.

-D'oh! [ Laughter ]

-Come on, guys. Anyone else?

What about you, in the middle?

-What? Me?

-Yeah. -Uh, yeah.

Yeah. No. Um...

It's just about working together,

uh, like,

as one big family or whatever.

D'oh! [ Laughter ]

-What else?

-Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. No. Um...

-Communication. -Don't hog the ball.

-O...kay.

-We have communication.

We have... -Ball handling.

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughter ]

-Very good, very good, very good.

Oh, so very smart. Very good, very good.

Ha-ha-ha. Very good.

-♪ Shake it like a salt shaker, shake it like a salt shaker ♪

♪ Shake it like a salt shaker, shake it like a salt shaker ♪

♪ Popping till you percolate ♪

♪ First booty-on-booty, no time to wait ♪

♪ Make it work, with your wet T-shirt ♪

♪ Bitch, you gotta shake it till your calf muscles hurt ♪

♪ Sadie heels on your feet, the strap around your ankles ♪

♪ Jegga, jegga, jegga ♪

♪ Call that bitch Bojangles ♪

♪ Juicy like fruit... ♪

♪♪

[ Boys shouting in distance ]

-Uh, you know,

you're only supposed to be in here for 15 minutes.

Um, only 15 minutes.

-First day of camp. Still breathing.

Pretty good, huh? Yeah. -No. Yeah, yeah.

Good.

-So I spoke to your mom earlier.

No cause for concern. She's a nice lady.

Just having a chat.

She said you guys had just moved from Boston.

-Yeah. -Yeah, that's a big move.

Should be exciting. Scary?

You know, I remember, uh, moved to San Diego when I was 10,

and that was like stepping onto another planet, you know?

Anyway, I just wanted you to know I'm your coach,

but I'm also here if you wanted to, you know, talk.

I know this whole thing could be a little daunting, you know?

Okay? -Thank you.

-Go.

Alright, now we got to fill in this stupid form.

Uh, "My goals by the end of the summer

are to blank, blank, and blank."

[ Indistinct shouting ]

-Holy shit.

Obviously fucking Everest.

-...parachute. -If you try to fly off that,

you're fucking dead.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

♪♪

-Yeah, medicine tastes good.

-Any cherry and grape kind of both taste like medicine.

-...Jumping off fucking Everest, dude.

-That's what I'm fucking saying.

-This is the dumbest fucking argument

I've ever heard in my entire fucking life.

.Yeah. Why did you even make that?

[ Indistinct shouting ]

♪♪

-Excuse me. Sorry.

Sorry.

-Are you on something?

You know any other flavor is better than grape.

-Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Hold on.

Everybody likes grape.

You tell me one person who doesn't like it.

-I've got one.

Would you rather your food always be hot

and you never get used to it,

it's always hot, or have no knees?

-Food has no knees. -No knees?

-Your knees, they're gone. You don't have knees.

-No knees? -Uh, wait.

-I'd have no knees. -So hot like spicy?

-Food already has no knees. -No, no. Listen.

-I didn't even -- -Okay, so would you rather --

-Would you would you guys rather A,

every time you have an orgasm,

the song "All Star" by Smash Mouth plays,

or B, every time the song "All Star" by Smash Mouth plays,

you guys have an orgasm.

-B. -Yo, fuck Smash Mouth.

-How does it play in the A situation?

-On like a small but, like, decently powerful boom box

that just magically appears when you orgasm.

-Still B. -A.

-Fuck Smash Mouth. -A.

-So wait, does the entire song play or can you make it stop?

-The entire song.

-Still B. -Still A.

-What'd you just say?

-What? -You said can you make it "sop"?

-[ Chuckles ] No.

-What'd you just say, then?

-Nothing. -He said can you make it stop.

-No, he didn't. -Yes, he did.

-He didn't.

-What?

-Say stop.

-What? No. Why?

-You can't say it.

-Yo, who can't say stop?

-Yes, I-I can.

-Okay, then say it.

-Um, wait, wait, so, guys, would you rather --

-Say it. -Um...

-Say it. -Okay, would you rather --

-Bro, he can't say it

See how he doesn't want to say it?

Then say it.

Say it! Say it! -Okay, okay, okay,

Sop, sop, sop, sop.

-"Sop"?! -"Sop"!

[ Laughter ]

-"Stop."

[ Indistinct shouting ]

-Stop. Stop! Stop!

-Do you guys think these carrots taste weird?

-Oh, shit!

-The Plague! The Plague!

-Whoa!

-Frankly, they have kind of a gasoline-like aftertaste.

But not in a bad way, per se.

Certainly pungent. -Go, go, go.

Um...

They taste normal to me.

-No parachute on the helicopter. -Yo, soppy.

Can you say pasta?

-Pasta. -Pasta.

-♪ Run away, run away ♪

♪ Run away and save your life ♪

♪ Run away, run away ♪

-I told you. -Huh? Yeah, that's --

Exactly. Can only choose one.

Would you rather suck a dick but you can have sex,

but -- or -- or you don't do that,

but you can never have sex again.

-No, never have sex again? -What's up?

-Damn. What's good?

-Uh, I just -- I heard you're a vet.

-What is a vet? -Uh, like --

Like you were here last session.

-Oh, yeah, I was.

I was supposed to just stay for first session,

but my dad fucked up and paid for both,

and he couldn't get a refund, so I had to stay.

He was so pissed when he realized.

You should have seen his face. Holy shit.

-Uh, who are the others?

-Vets? Me, Logan... -What's up?

-...Matt. You can go.

-What? -Ticky and Eli.

-Eli's a vet?

-Sadly.

-I don't know, I just...

thought you're supposed to, like, improve or something.

-Only if you try.

-Yo, Julian. -What?

-Uh, so what's with the whole, like, musical chairs-y thing?

-What?

-Uh, like at lunch with... -Oh, the Plague?

Eli's got the Plague.

It's not funny, bro. You ever heard of leprosy?

-Eli's a leper?

-Lepers aren't real, but similar.

There's no official prognosis,

so we call it the Plague.

Like, those aren't regular pimples.

Those are Plague pimples. That's a Plague face.

Like, I'm telling you, bro,

he didn't have pimples a few weeks ago.

That's some Plague shit right there.

A few days later,

he gets a freaky ass rash all over his body.

Like, why do you think he wears that shirt all the time?

You think that's a fashion statement?

Nah, bro,

that's some Plague shit.

Next thing, it infects the nervous system,

breaks down motor skills.

You bump into some things, trip over yourself.

You start dropping shit.

Normal things like eye contact

or the ability to hold a regular conversation

just goes out the window.

Turns your brain to baby food.

No brain, no nothing.

-So, I mean, shouldn't he --

shouldn't he, like, see a doctor?

-I mean, he has. It's like herpes.

No cure for him.

[ Whistle blows ]

♪♪

-So it's -- it's like contagious?

-Incredibly, but only through touch.

So if you're exposed...

Oh, man, you just gotta wash yourself like stat.

-[ Vocalizing ]

♪♪

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[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Laughter ]

-What? Too cold for you, Soppy?

-Uh, no. It's good. -"No, it's, um, good."

Soppy, you get no bitches.

Soppy, where are you from?

-Um, "Boson." -Huh?

-"Boson." -"Boson"?

Like, what did he just say?

"Boson"? Boston.

-You "boson" around? -"Boson."

He can't pronounce the T.

[ Laughter ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

-Yo, yo, that's where Eli was sitting.

Like, he's infected.

[ All shouting ]

-He's contagious!

-[ Singsong voice ] Jake's got the Plague!

Jake's got the Plague! Jake's got the Plague!

Jake's got the Plague!

Jake, Jake, Jake, Plague!

Jake has the Plague!

-Am I good?

[ All scream ]

-Chelsea Simone.

-Kate Fulton.

-Shelly Wong.

-Smelly Shelly?

-Bro, I swear you're all about the Asians.

-Dude, shut up!

-See, I'm all about the half-Asians.

-Which half?

-I don't know, the left half? -What?

-Where that Lubriderm at?

-I gave it to Ticky.

-Why are you such a lube hog?

-Soppy, what are you thinking about right now?

Come on, spit it out.

-Um,

I'm just thinking about this girl I saw earlier.

-Okay. -What girl?

-Puss-ay. -She live in Canada?

-Bukkake.

-Yo, someone get this man some lube.

Yo, tell me about her.

We all want to hear it. -[ Laughs ]

-Soppy.

[ Springs squeaking ]

-Um,

I'm picturing her

standing in the shower,

washing herself.

-Okay.

[ Squeaking continues ]

-Suddenly she...

Starts, like, rubbing herself

and...

she tells me how, like...

wet she is.

-Ooh, damn, Soppy. That's some hardcore shit.

-I'm close.

Don't stop.

-And, um...

-I just came.

-I'm not gonna lie, so did I.

-Uh, sorry.

I did too. So.

-Same.

[ Door creaks closed ]

[ Toilet flushes ]

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[ Whistle blows ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

-I don't think I'll ever get married.

-What? -Maybe when I'm like 50.

-Millions of pirates swarming the sea.

-Your dad's like 60 right now?

-What are you talking about?

-What if pirates don't drink champagne, though?

What if they just say "Oh, oh, oh, oh"?

-What are you doing?

-What do you mean, what am I doing?

That's the pirate call, stupid.

-That's not a pirate call.

-It is a pirate call. So tell me --

Tell me what that is then. -That's like a Viking call, bro.

-What is a Viking? -Well, it's like a --

-It's like a -- -Like a old village --

-Yeah. -A pirate's "Arr, matey."

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[ Gasps ]

♪♪

-Oh, my God. Holy shit, dude.

Fuck! Are you okay?

♪♪

-Had a boo boo. Now it's better.

-Oh, my God, dude.

How did you --

How did you do that?

-Thou shalt never know, mortal.

♪♪

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♪♪

-Wait. Go, go, go, go.

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-[ Vocalizing ]

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[ Indistinct shouting ]

♪♪

-The only thing you do good is to use it.

-Light that up.

-It's squirting, it's squirting.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Whoo! Yeah!

♪♪

-The only thing you do good is to use it.

-What the fuck?

-Yo, where's the music at, Matt?

-Why are you so terrible at everything?

♪♪

-Come on.

♪♪

-♪ I'm feeling so real ♪

♪ I'm feeling so real ♪

-Gracias. Here we go.

-♪ I'm feeling so real ♪

♪ I'm feeling so real ♪

♪ I'm feeling so real ♪

♪ I'm feeling so real ♪

-[ Speaks indistinctly ]

♪♪

♪♪

-♪ I'm feeling so real ♪

-♪ Ba-donk, ba-donk, ba-donk ♪

-♪ I'm feeling so real ♪

♪ I'm feeling so real ♪

♪ I'm feeling so real ♪

♪ Take me away ♪

♪ Take me away ♪ -That's not your girlfriend, bro.

-♪ Donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey ♪

[ All scream ]

♪♪

♪♪

-Holy shit!

-What the fuck?

-Dude, wash that shit.

-You gotta wash.

♪♪

-Scrub that fucking arm. -Scrub it.

[ All shouting ]

-And he's scrubbing some more, and he's scrubbing some more.

-Yo, Soppy, you crazy.

-That was crazy. That was great.

♪♪

♪♪

-I'm telling you, it's all about the below-water game.

That separates the pros from the amateurs.

[ Whistle blows ]

-I heard in the Olympics

that they, like, shave their pubes

so people can't pull them off underwater.

-Yep.

-That's savage. -Yeah.

My brother says you have to have long fingernails.

You can scratch guys.

So the secret is keep them smooth, but kind of long.

After they've been approved,

just bite them into little points.

-Is your brother like a pro?

-I mean, he's only 18, but Princeton and Brown

are basically in a death match over him, so.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

♪♪

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♪♪

-Damn.

Soppy got game.

Right, Sop?

♪♪

-This guy Charlie, last session,

he's the one who gave it to Eli.

Got to the point where he couldn't even

hold a coherent conversation.

He had to go home early.

-Is he okay now?

-Last I heard, he was in some mental institution.

He spends his days playing Jenga.

-[ Vocalizing ]

♪♪

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♪♪

[ Fan whirring ]

-[ Whispering indistinctly ]

[ Whispering indistinctly ]

♪♪

-Don't forget to mark your calendars.

The highly anticipated summer soiree dance for all camps

is coming up in the main gymnasium.

This year's theme is Under the Sea.

We'll have a live deejay, games...

♪♪

-Cheetos.

No, Doritos.

No, Cheetos.

-I wouldn't be an evil Sith. -But Sith are evil.

-No, they just have less --

-No, no, no, no, no, they're evil.

-No. I could -- -They're just straight-up evil.

-I could turn the majority of Siths into good people.

-No, you can't. -Yeah, I would.

-They'd probably just kill you. -No, I would --

-Or Darth Vader would kill you. -I would infiltrate them,

and I would make sure that they all became good.

-One, two, three...

-♪ And though I'll make mistakes ♪

♪ I'll never break your heart ♪

♪ And I swear ♪

♪ By the moon and the stars in the sky ♪

♪ I'll be there ♪

♪ I swear ♪

♪ Like the shadow that's by your side ♪

♪ I'll be there ♪

♪ For better or worse ♪

♪ Till death do us part ♪

♪ I'll love you with every beat of my heart ♪

♪ And I swear ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-It's Eli.

He's hard, bro.

-Holy shit, yo! Holy shit! He's hard.

He's got a boner. -He's fucking hard.

[ Laughter ]

-Yeah! Yeah!

-Fucking boner.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

[ Whistle blowing ]

-Yo, Eli's hard. -Hey.

In the pool, now.

Come on. -Yo!

-[ Singsong voice ] Eli's hard, Eli's hard, Eli's hard.

-How old are you guys?

It's a question.

How old? -13.

-12. -13.

-12. -12.

13 and 12.

Old enough.

Well, old enough.

Your actions are not neutral.

I mean, did any of you, even once stop and think,

"How would I feel if that were me?"

And you were called out in front of the girls

and pointed at and laughed at for something

that I swear to God, you got no control over.

-[ Chuckles ] -Logan.

-I guess I'd feel bad. -D'oh!

-You guess you would feel bad.

Says the guy that lit the match.

-I was just joking.

-So you think it's funny?

-No.

-Jake, what about you?

Do you think it was funny? -I mean...

-Was it? -Kind of, yeah.

-"Kind of, yeah." -[ Laughs ]

-Why? Explain to us. Why do you think it was funny?

-Well, for one, his dick was hard.

[ Laughs ]

-Let me ask you this.

Have you ever been shamed in front of a group?

Like, deeply, deeply shamed? -Mnh-mnh.

That's exactly what you're doing right now.

[ Laughs ]

-Listen to me.

So you're what, 13?

-12. Yeah. -12.

And you're laughing at the stupidest,

most juvenile 5-year-old "Beavis and Butthead" kind of --

-5-year-olds watch "Beavis and Butthead"?

-Hey! You have two seconds to wipe that smile off your face.

Or all of you, because of Jake,

are going to be doing burpees in the sun all day.

I'm not even joking. One...

♪♪

Okay.

-[ Whispers ] Penis. -[ Laughs ]

-Pick it up or we do it all day.

Pick it up.

Three laps. Two to go.

♪♪

-What is he doing, bro?

-Some kind of, like, I don't know, fantasy maybe?

-♪ Donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey ♪

♪ Donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey ♪

♪ Donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey ♪

♪ Da-da-da-donkey, da-da-da-donkey ♪

♪ Da-da-da-da-da-donkey ♪

♪ Donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey ♪

-Can you, like, "sop" doing that?

-"Can you, like, 'sop' doing that?"

Suck my dick, Soppy.

-Suck your own dick. -That's not even possible.

-Yes, it is. -No, it's not.

-Yes, it is.

Mike Griswold does it all the time.

-No, he doesn't. -Yes, he does.

-How? -What do you mean, how?

The man is double jointed. End of story.

-Are you a vegetarian?

-Yeah. -Why?

-Well, I guess I just feel bad for the animals.

-Would you care if it's like a three-tongued, like, cow

that's, like, all gross and shit?

-Yeah. Would you, Soppy?

-I'd still feel bad.

You know, you can't just go around killing innocent cows

just because they're different.

-How could you not want to bite this?

-You just don't feel bad? Like, at all?

It's not its fault it has three tongues.

-Chill, Soppy. Why are you spazzing?

-I'm not. -"I'm not.

It's not its fault it has three tongues."

-"You have two seconds to wipe that smile off your face.

Two."

-Can you be more specific?

Can you be more specific? Can you be more specific?

-Can you be more specific? Can you be more specific?

-[ Laughs ]

-Where you going?

-Bathroom.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

-Mad cow disease.

-[ Vocalizing ]

♪♪

♪♪

-Yo, Eli. What's up?

Um, how long do you think we've been in here for?

-Gelatin.

-What?

-You mix it in with foundation makeup

and pour it in a silicone mold.

Then you paint more detail and do the blood last.

-What are you talking about?

-For the -- For the trick.

-Oh! -Yeah.

Frankly, for the blood,

it's important you don't buy the store stuff.

Either make it with corn syrup and food coloring

or save yourself some next time you cut yourself.

-You do that?

-Yeah, you just put the corn syrup into a bowl

and add the food coloring.

Sometimes I like to add a bit of water

just so it's not too viscous. -Uh, no.

You -- You cut yourself?

-Tiny pricks.

It's soothing.

Like a sound bath. Look.

-You shouldn't do that.

-Why?

-Because it's bad.

Sometimes I dig my nails into my thumb till it bleeds.

-You're not from here, right?

-Um...

My mom met some guy at a media summit.

Phil. Um...

And they had an affair,

and she left my dad.

I used to live in Boston.

So basically, we just, like, uprooted.

Um, so it's been...

It's been kind of weird.

-Do you like your mom?

-She's my mom.

-You ever think about the fact that at some point in her life,

she had to give head for the first time?

-Ew, no. Who are you?

-[ As Gollum ] We wants it. We needs it.

We must have the precious.

They stole it from us.

-Holy shit.

-Wicked tricksy hobbitses.

-[ As Gollum ] Stupid fat hobbitses.

-Would you rather fuck a dog and no one ever knows about it

or not fuck a dog but everyone thinks you fucked a dog?

-Fuck a dog. I think.

-That's evil.

♪♪

-Hey, uh, you've talked to a doctor, right?

-They gave me this cream,

but I think it might be making it worse.

-Um, do you need a hand or...?

-I don't want to infect you.

-[ Laughs ]

What do you mean?

-With the Plague.

-You don't actually believe in that, do you?

♪♪

[ Whistle blowing ]

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♪♪

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♪♪

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♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

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♪♪

♪♪

-Oh!

♪♪

-Uh, are you guys, like, joking?

Very funny.

♪♪

-Okay, you can -- you can stop now.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[ Vocalizing ]

[ Vocalizing ]

[ Vocalizing ]

-[ Breathing heavily ]

♪♪

[ Door opens ]

-Jake told everyone you have the Plague.

-It's, like, not even a thing.

-He said you gave Eli a backrub.

-Yeah, that's totally untrue. So.

-Said you used scented oils or something like lavender.

-You know the Plague is fake, right?

-Yeah. It's dumb.

You forgot your goggles.

-Thanks.

♪♪

♪♪

-I don't have the Plague.

-What?

-You told everyone I have the Plague.

-No, I didn't. -Yes, you did. I know you did.

-I provided the dots.

I can't help if others connect them.

-The dots?

-Giving Eli a back rub. -That's not --

-It wasn't a back rub.

-Okay.

[ Pinball machine dinging ]

-How would you feel if I told everyone

your mom's, like, a stripper?

-Confused. -Confused?

-I'd feel really fucking confused.

-Why?

-'Cause my mom's dead.

-That's not funny.

-I'm not joking.

-There's nothing wrong with me.

-Okay.

-The Plague is fake.

-Okay.

-So can you please tell everyone that I'm good?

-I thought you said it's fake.

-I mean, it is.

Right?

-Maybe you don't have it.

Did you wash your hands after?

-After what? -The back rub.

-It wasn't a back rub.

He needed help with his rash cream.

-Okay.

-Why are you doing this to me?

-Doing what?

-Telling everyone that I have the Plague. -Bro, come on.

Don't let what other people think decide who you are.

-What is that, like a fortune cookie?

-Dennis Rodman.

-Well, I washed my hands twice.

That means I don't have it, right?

-She does not smell good. She smells like a foot.

-No, she doesn't. -[ Speaks indistinctly ]

-Yeah, maybe because I was up in her eyes.

-You were not up in anything.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Brought you some tasty morsels.

Got fries there, a hot dog, Skittles...

gummy bears.

-Thanks.

-This kid, Nick Sinsigali,

he put laxatives in my thermos before our trip to New York

to see "Les Mis," and the bus didn't have any bathrooms, so...

Yeah.

My mom had to come pick me up.

It sucks 'cause I actually really like "Les Mis."

-Yeah. -I saw you went and talked to a girl

and you froze up and you said you liked pineapple.

-Exactly. At least me and Logan have girls.

-No, you guys don't have shit. Alright.

Well, either -- Yo. -Shut up.

-Either you can get -- You can get...

-The only thing. -Well, I have been inside Marguerite.

-Well, you guys --

[ Clattering ]

-[ Chuckles ]

[ Tray thuds ]

[ Shoe squeaks, heavy thud ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

-Phase two -- motor skills.

Gone.

[ Clattering ]

-Mm! [ Locker slams ]

[ Sighs ]

-You see, it was like, facing the wall,

you can't look at the dog. -What do you see?

-You could get like a...

-Yeah, but you can't see the dog, bro.

-You're like her guide dog. -No. There's a cat...

[ Indistinct conversation ]

-What do you think Soppy is doing?

-That's actually a great question. Where the fuck is Soppy?

-Probably giving Eli a belly rub this time, after the back rub.

[ Laughter ]

-Maybe he's giving out some back pats.

-Back pats?

[ Indistinct conversation fade ]

♪♪

♪♪

[ Singers vocalizing ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

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♪♪

-[ Moaning softly ]

[ Singers continue vocalizing ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[ Continues moaning softly ]

♪♪

♪♪

[ Singing fades ]

[ Continues moaning softly ]

[ Hushed laughter ]

-[ Whispering ] My name is Soppy, and I just let it out.

[ Laughter, switch clicking ]

-Soppy!

[ Hushed laughter ]

-Better not be dreaming about one of our bitches.

Yeah! -[ Gasps ]

[ Laughter ] -Aww, Soppy!

-Soppy! -Soppy!

-Soppy!

[ Laughter, indistinct shouting ]

[ Laughter, indistinct shouting in distance ]

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations in distance ]

-Excuse me. Hello? Um, do you have a phone?

[ Coin clatters, beeping ]

-Hello? -Mom.

-Hi. Ben, is that you?

Ben? Honey? Are you there? Can you hear me?

Ben, are you there?

-Yeah. Um, yeah, I...

I was just wondering, um...

...uh, if you could just pick me up.

-Honey, where are you?

Ben, honey, tell me where you are.

Tell me where you are right --

[ Insects chirping ]

[ Vehicle approaches ]

[ Car door opens ] -Ben.

[ Plates clinking in distance ]

Hey, you know what my favorite day of high school was?

Very last day.

Hated it. Yeah. Had a nickname.

It was Chubz.

I hadn't even been overweight since middle school,

but the name followed me, and, you know,

it was stuck in my head.

And then you know what?

I graduated...

and I left it all behind, and I started fresh.

[ Smooth jazz playing over speakers ]

You see?

-So...your 20s were good?

-Uh...ehh, no.

No, I mean, I had my heart broken, and --

and then, you know, I -- I gained some more weight,

30 pounds, and then,

well, then [chuckles] I put my back out

just literally reaching for a set of keys,

and the doctor said I was never gonna, you know,

recover and whatever.

But, I mean, even still,

yes, it was way better than my teens.

Now, my 30s...

better than my 20s.

And now, I mean, look at me now, right?

40 and sporty.

-And... [ Sniffles ]

...your teens were better than...

like, your first decade? -Pshh.

Hell no.

I mean, that time is just pure bliss.

I mean, nothing better than that.

-This is like the most depressing pep talk ever.

-Look, just...

be yourself, 'cause...

[ Exhales sharply ]

...then what else are you gonna be?

You're you. It's cool.

Just be yourself, man.

It'll all work out.

I know it's a cliché. -[ Sniffles ]

-I don't know if that helps.

Anyway...

My mom didn't yell at you, right?

-She was just concerned, that's all.

You really scared her. -[ Exhales sharply ]

-It's okay to cry.

Just let it out.

Let it out. It's cool.

-[ Sniffles, exhales slowly ]

She just doesn't know how to, like, be a person.

-Someone giving you a hard time, Ben?

'Cause if they are, you just gotta tell me.

'Cause your silence is helping no one.

Especially not you.

Is it Jake?

-What? No. No. No, why?

-Okay.

Okay.

Listen, guys like Jake...

they're just scared.

They're terrified of guys like Eli

'cause he's different.

You wanna know a secret?

We're all different.

All of us.

I haven't even thought about the guys

that called me Chubz until, like, right now.

[ Fading ] In fact, right now,

they're probably sitting on a couch,

guess what, super chubby.

Alright, so...

[ Muffled, indistinct ]

♪♪

[ Chuckles ] You know?

What do you say?

Wanna take me home?

[ Indistinct announcement over PA system ]

The swim session -starts in 10 minutes.

Councilors, please make sure you bring some sunscreen.

[ Indistinct ]

-Who's that? -Yeah. You see, man?

-[ Indistinct ] -No, [indistinct] came first.

-We think the same. -No, the chicken came first, yo.

-Why are we even entertaining this?

-I disagree. Exactly. -Why did you just say egg?

[ Indistinct conversation fades in distance ]

-[ Indistinct ] Okay?

I don't see why you have a problem with him.

[ Indistinct ]

♪♪

-♪ Boom, lots of love's got me going with this ♪

♪ Episode, motherfucker, and I came for this ♪

♪ I was cool, I'm the gun 'cause I made the beat ♪

-That's like incest, man.

-It wasn't in their bed.

They have this, like, big bathtub

with, like, a waterfall spout.

Just sliding your butt to the side.

Pop your legs up. Ooh.

-Yo, my uncle has a hot tub,

and the jets, they're amazing.

-You see? He gets it.

-Not the same thing, though.

-No, it is the same thing.

-[ Indistinct, muffled ]

...walking into a Taco Bell.

You ever been to Mongolian Grill?

Dude, it's insane.

They got guys throwing meat cleavers.

It's like, chop, chop, chop, chop, toss.

"How are you doing today, ma'am?" Catch.

Chop, chop, chop, chop, catch. Toss.

I've always wanted to start a restaurant.

Wait, maybe instead of being seated at a booth,

you're brought to your own private sauna

and it's like, "Good morning, folks.

Welcome to Steam N' Sizzle.

Can I take your order?" Open 24/7.

-Um...

...do you ever think, like...

maybe the Plague isn't 100% fake?

♪♪

Never mind.

That was a dumb question.

♪♪

-I think there's something wrong with me.

♪♪

-What do you mean?

♪♪

-I don't know.

I just feel something's wrong.

♪♪

-Yeah, but...

but that-- that's...

just a feeling, right?

Like, it-- it's not... actually real.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Hey, soppy!

-Hey. What's up?

♪♪

-Talked to Daddy Wags.

I just want to say if I've been a dick or anything,

you know, I'm sorry.

-What? No. No. No, no, no, no, no.

-Have an older brother.

I'm just used to being around his friends,

and we just give each other shit all the time.

-Yeah, I don't even know what you're talking about.

-Really?

-Well, you know, I -- I saw them talking to you,

but...what happened?

-You know, I got the big old lecture on bullying and stuff,

but...

-Hmm, so dumb.

Like, what is this, kindergarten?

-[ Scoffs ]

You know, maybe Eli said something.

-You think?

-Yeah.

♪♪

Maybe. -Could be.

I guess I'll see you later, bro.

-Yeah.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[ Singers vocalizing eerily ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[ Insects scratching ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[ Jar opens ]

♪♪

[ Insects skittering ]

♪♪

Fuck! Aah! Fuck, get 'em off!

No, get off! Stop! Fuck!

Get off! [ Grunting ] Fuck!

No, stop! Get off! Stop! No!

No!

[ Groaning ]

Get off!

Stop! Fuck! Stop!

Help! Stop! Stop!

Stop!

Fuck!

Stop! Get off! Fuck!

Stop! Aah! Stop!

Get off! Stop! Aah!

Fuck! [ Groaning ]

Fuck off! [ Screaming ]

Fuck! Oh, my God! Get them off! -The Plague!

-The Plague! The Plague!

Go snitch to Daddy Wags, bro. -[ Screaming ]

Go snitch to Daddy Wags. Go snitch to Daddy Wags.

-Get off! [ Screaming ]

[ Boys shouting indistinctly ]

Get them off! [ Screams ]

[ Boys shouting indistinctly in distance ]

-You okay? -We're just messing around, Eli!

Okay? It was a funny joke! That's what friends do.

How is that not obvious to you?!

-The Plague! The Plague! Plague!

-[ Breathing shakily ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Continues breathing shakily ]

♪♪

[ Panting harshly ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[ Faucet running ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Would you rather not eat for 48 hours

or spend the day with Daddy Wags?

-There's only one. I think it's safe.

[ Indistinct conversation ]

-I would go for 80 days.

-I'd go for 30 days and 23 hours.

-No, no. 80 hours.

-Exactly. -Hey.

-Yo. "Two seconds. Wipe that grin off your face.

Canceling practice for everybody

and putting everybody on the street, dude."

-What?

♪♪

Then if you drink water, then it has water in it, so...

-What?

[ Indistinct conversation ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[ Whistle blows ]

Let's go! Go, go, go!

Push!

♪♪

Keep moving!

♪♪

Heads up! Eyes on the ball!

♪♪

♪♪

Push! Push! Push!

-[ Grunts ] -Move that ball!

Press.

Press!

-[ Grunts, gasps ] -Push! Push!

Find an open spot. -Seriously...

The ball... -Move those legs!

Come on! Move 'em, move 'em!

[ Both grunting ]

Come on!

-[ Groans ]

-Get back!

No, no, no, no! No! No!

♪♪

Stop! -Pass the ball!

-[ Indistinct ] Come on.

Keep it up!

-Alright, shoot, shoot, shoot!

[ Whistle blows ]

-Nice, Ben.

-Hey, he fucking scratched me.

-What? -Call it.

-Call what? -The fucking scratch.

You blow that whistle all the time,

and you won't blow it on him right now?

Oh, my fuck, bro! Call it!

Fuck, bro.

You don't know fucking jack shit about water polo, bitch.

[ Whistle blows ]

-[ Grunts ]

[ High-pitched whining ]

[ Whining fades ]

Mm!

[ Muffled screaming ]

-Get out of here! -[ Indistinct ]

-Hey! -[ Coughing ]

-You alright?

You okay? -Oh!

-Hey! Get out of the pool!

Come on.

Come on. Get out.

Huh? What are you thinking?

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[ Car door shuts ]

[ Indistinct shouting in distance ]

[ Car door shuts, engine starts ]

♪♪

♪♪

[ Singers vocalizing ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[ Vocalizing stops ]

♪♪

♪♪

-♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ And now the bells are ringing ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪♪

-Hey. Whoever gets a handjob first gets 10,000.

♪♪

-♪ Inside an empty room, my inspiration flows ♪

-That's the Plague at the peak of its shit.

-♪ The magic melody ♪

♪ You want to sing with me, just la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ The music is the key ♪

♪ And now the night is gone ♪

♪ Still it goes on and on so deep inside of me ♪

♪ I long to set it free, I don't know what to do ♪

♪ Just can't explain to you, I don't know what to say ♪

♪ Oh, not another word ♪

♪ Just la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ It goes around the world ♪

♪ Just la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ It's all around the world ♪

♪ Just la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ And everybody's singing ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ And now the bells are ringing ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

-Eli. -Wazzup?!

-What are you doing?

-♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

-Eli! What are you doing?!

-Ben, I am dancing. -No, Eli, you're not dancing,

because you have no one to dance with.

-Yes, I do. I'm dancing with Boopy.

She doesn't care about the Plague.

Right, Boopy?

Hey! Stop!

What are you doing?!

What are you...?!

Why'd you do that?

Why'd you do that?!

♪♪

-Eli.

Eli, stop. Listen to me.

Eli! Eli, stop! -♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

Wait!

Where are you going? Come here! Stop!

Eli!

Do you know what your problem is?

You don't even try.

You think that you can just be yourself

and not give a shit what anyone thinks.

But that only works when "yourself" is the kind of person

other people want to be around.

Eli, no one wants to be around you.

No one!

Look at me! I'm talking to you!

Hey! Eye contact.

Ever heard of it?

What the fuck is your fucking problem?!

You know, one day you're gonna have to

grow the fuck up and realize it's time

to start behaving like an actual human being,

or you're just gonna spend the rest

of your miserable fucking life friendless and alone!

Is that what you want?!

Look at me. Is that what you want?!

♪♪

♪♪

-[ Groaning ]

[ Groaning continues ]

[ Gasping ]

-Eli. It's not funny.

-[ Groaning ]

[ Squelching ]

[ Groaning ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Singers vocalizing ]

-[ Panting ] -[ Whimpering ]

♪♪

♪♪

[ Rain pouring ]

[ Whimpers ]

-Alright. Get in.

Okay. Uh...

-He's gonna be okay, right? -Go inside, Ben.

-Right? But he's gonna be okay, right?

-Ben, go inside! He'll be okay.

Fuck!

[ Engine starts ]

♪♪

[ Thunder rumbles ]

[ Rain pouring loudly ]

[ Muffled, tense music ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[ Muffled, upbeat music playing ]

♪♪

[ Music intensifies ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-♪ Hey, yeah, hey, yeah ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

[ Vocalizing ]

♪♪

♪♪

-Set it up, DJ!

-♪ I'm feeling so real ♪

♪ I'm feeling so real ♪

♪ I'm feeling so real ♪

♪ I'm feeling so real ♪

♪ Take me away, take me away ♪

♪ Take me away ♪

-Set it up, DJ!

-♪ Take me away, take me away ♪

♪ Take me away ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Oh ♪ -♪ New York massive ♪

♪ New York massive ♪

♪ New York massive ♪

♪ New York massive ♪

♪ New York massive ♪

♪ New York massive ♪

♪ New York massive ♪

♪ New York massive ♪

♪ New York massive ♪

♪ New York massive ♪

♪ New York massive ♪

♪ New York massive ♪

♪ New York massive ♪

♪ New York massive ♪

♪ New York massive ♪

♪ New York massive ♪

Set it up, DJ!

-♪ I'm feeling so real ♪

♪ I'm feeling so real ♪ -♪ New York massive ♪

-♪ I'm feeling so real ♪

♪ I'm feeling so real ♪

-♪ New York massive ♪

♪ New York massive ♪ -♪ I'm feeling so real ♪

♪ I'm feeling so real ♪ -[ Breathing heavily ]

-[ Distorted] ♪ I'm feeling so real ♪

-[ Coughing ] -♪ I'm feeling so real ♪

♪ Feeling so real ♪

-[ Screams, gasps ]

[ Singers vocalizing ]

♪♪

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[ Singing fades ]

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[ Singer vocalizing ]

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