All language subtitles for The Bill Engvall Show s02e06 Bill Talks a Good Game.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,667 --> 00:00:02,369 [instrumental music] 2 00:00:04,371 --> 00:00:06,406 This cereal could kill me. 3 00:00:06,473 --> 00:00:09,009 Well, it's whole grain, so it's good for your heart. 4 00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:10,943 And you can tell, 'cause a cartoon camel's 5 00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:13,747 wearing a jogging suit. 6 00:00:13,813 --> 00:00:15,582 It contains HXT. 7 00:00:15,648 --> 00:00:18,685 A preservative that can cause serious allergic reactions. 8 00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:20,353 What is this all about? 9 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,821 I'm doing a school report on hidden dangers in the home. 10 00:00:22,822 --> 00:00:24,442 - Hmm. - Is your breath one of them? 11 00:00:26,826 --> 00:00:29,996 - Good morning. - Don't let the camel fool you. 12 00:00:30,063 --> 00:00:33,099 You're gambling with your life. 13 00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:35,235 School report. It's the best one yet. 14 00:00:35,301 --> 00:00:37,003 Aah! Hey, is Trent up yet? 15 00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:38,337 We're playing basketball this morning. 16 00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:39,388 Haven't seen him. 17 00:00:39,439 --> 00:00:41,408 Well, he better have his game on.. 18 00:00:41,474 --> 00:00:43,243 ...'cause I feel good. 19 00:00:43,309 --> 00:00:44,944 My bum shoulder's nice and loose 20 00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:46,079 my back doesn't hurt 21 00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:47,706 my knee is hardly even clicking. 22 00:00:48,137 --> 00:00:51,216 You must be feeling good. I noticed 23 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:52,717 you left your girdle on the bed. 24 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:55,789 Hey, that's a back-brace. 25 00:00:57,223 --> 00:00:59,893 You got it from cheapgirdles.com. 26 00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:02,862 And right on the box, it says "back-brace." 27 00:01:04,764 --> 00:01:07,467 Is there some kind of rule that breakfast in this house 28 00:01:07,534 --> 00:01:08,701 has to be a freak show? 29 00:01:10,103 --> 00:01:11,571 Ah! Not till now. 30 00:01:13,306 --> 00:01:14,641 - Morning. Hi. - Ooh, hello. 31 00:01:14,707 --> 00:01:16,709 - Did you sleep okay? - Stop with the face. 32 00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:18,310 You know, I just feel terrible letting 33 00:01:18,311 --> 00:01:20,180 my best friend sleep in her van. 34 00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:22,382 It's a van-abago. 35 00:01:22,449 --> 00:01:25,085 Part van, part Winnebago. 36 00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:29,823 And which part is leaking oil and lowering property values? 37 00:01:29,889 --> 00:01:35,328 Hey Bill, that's one of your better ones. 38 00:01:35,395 --> 00:01:38,164 This microwave could leak radiation. 39 00:01:38,231 --> 00:01:40,834 Are you guys planning on having any more kids? 40 00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:45,638 I think you sealed the deal on that decision. 41 00:01:45,705 --> 00:01:48,408 Hey you, I watched that YouTube clip you told me about. 42 00:01:48,475 --> 00:01:51,177 Oh, my God! When that guy starts to dance! 43 00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:52,945 - And he falls over the table! - I know. 44 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,949 I laughed so hard, I bet the van-abago was rocking. 45 00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:58,117 I can't imagine what your neighbors thought. 46 00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,678 I wish the Pearson's would move. 47 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:03,289 It's game time, dad. 48 00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:04,924 Who's gonna win this morning? 49 00:02:04,991 --> 00:02:07,694 I haven't decided. I haven't let him win in a long time 50 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:10,263 so I think his self-esteem could use a victory. 51 00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:12,732 Come on grandpa, diaper up, let's go! 52 00:02:16,402 --> 00:02:18,682 Change of plans. Grandpa's gonna kick his butt. 53 00:02:20,773 --> 00:02:23,309 [theme music] 54 00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:39,893 Oh! I feel bad. 55 00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:42,428 You pay for that room and I'm not even using it. 56 00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:44,831 Yeah, well. Go in the house and get a camera. 57 00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:46,299 Why? 58 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:47,399 'Cause you're gonna wanna picture what a jump shot's 59 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:48,801 supposed to look like. 60 00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:52,672 See, it only counts as a jump-shot 61 00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:54,659 if your feet actually leave the ground. 62 00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:55,724 Ha-ha! 63 00:02:58,144 --> 00:03:00,013 Oh! 64 00:03:00,079 --> 00:03:03,383 So, um.. You remember that girl I was telling you about? 65 00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:05,250 The one in history who stares at me the whole time? 66 00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:07,986 Yeah. She either likes you, or you got somethin' in your nose. 67 00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:09,037 Uh-ha. 68 00:03:12,625 --> 00:03:16,763 Uh! The only problem is, my buddy Doug really likes her 69 00:03:16,829 --> 00:03:18,031 and now I do too. 70 00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:19,398 Oh, that's easy. Never let a girl 71 00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:20,465 come between you and your buddy. 72 00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:21,668 She's crazy hot. 73 00:03:21,734 --> 00:03:23,114 Doug will find somebody new. 74 00:03:23,169 --> 00:03:24,337 [chuckles] 75 00:03:26,596 --> 00:03:30,175 So look, maybe you can find a girlfriend 76 00:03:30,176 --> 00:03:31,736 for Doug leaving your way clear. 77 00:03:31,737 --> 00:03:33,445 Well, he kinda has a thing for Mrs. Huston 78 00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:36,149 the science teacher. 79 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:39,018 Yeah, I don't help with that. 80 00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:41,420 Well, you better pick it up, old-time's, I'm up 12-8. 81 00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:42,722 Twelve-eight? Really? 82 00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:46,226 Well, it was 11-8, and then I scored. 83 00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:47,727 So unless my math is wrong.. 84 00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:50,763 Thank you Rain Man, I got it. You can forget about winning 85 00:03:50,830 --> 00:03:53,967 today 'cause I'm about to go Kareem Abdul Jabbar on you. 86 00:03:54,033 --> 00:03:55,468 Oh! 87 00:03:55,535 --> 00:03:57,604 More like Paula Abdul Jabbar. 88 00:03:58,771 --> 00:03:59,906 [upbeat music] 89 00:04:01,307 --> 00:04:03,309 [upbeat music] 90 00:04:04,611 --> 00:04:07,880 Do not tell me that Amber sat right down 91 00:04:07,947 --> 00:04:09,249 on the piece of pizza. 92 00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:10,849 She totally did, and when she got up 93 00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:14,487 she had pieces of pepperoni stuck all over her butt. 94 00:04:14,554 --> 00:04:16,356 And you didn't say anything? 95 00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:17,991 Welcome to high school! 96 00:04:18,057 --> 00:04:19,993 [laughing] 97 00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:22,929 Hey, sounds like you guys are having a good time in here. 98 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:25,632 - What, what's so funny? - It's nothing. 99 00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,366 Oh, come on, I could use a good laugh. 100 00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:29,636 No really, mom, it's not a big deal. 101 00:04:29,702 --> 00:04:32,038 Oh. Well, I'm gonna go match some socks 102 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:35,308 and if anything funny happens I may just keep it to myself. 103 00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:40,046 So get this, now everyone's calling her 104 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,181 'Ambe-roni Pepper-butt.' 105 00:04:42,248 --> 00:04:43,449 [laughter] 106 00:04:43,516 --> 00:04:46,052 [instrumental music] 107 00:04:47,987 --> 00:04:49,037 Come on! 108 00:04:49,055 --> 00:04:51,791 Wow! Add some music in a bucket and confetti 109 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,358 and you're the Harlem globetrotter. 110 00:04:53,359 --> 00:04:55,795 Ah, yeah. Real funny, smart guy. 111 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,396 Don't you worry, I'm coming back. 112 00:04:57,397 --> 00:04:58,664 Oh well, you better make it quick. 113 00:04:58,665 --> 00:05:00,633 It's 19-13, game point. 114 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:03,569 - Less talk, more play. - Hmm. 115 00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:05,872 Should I drive to left or right. 116 00:05:08,508 --> 00:05:11,411 Well.. I shot it from here. 117 00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:13,313 You didn't see that coming. 118 00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:14,847 I win. 119 00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:15,964 You won. 120 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,283 [chuckles] 121 00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:18,718 You actually won. 122 00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:21,621 Ah, don't sweat it. I was on fire today. 123 00:05:21,688 --> 00:05:24,688 Yeah well, even blind squirrel finds an acorn once in a while. 124 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,995 - How? - What? 125 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:31,129 How would a blind squirrel find anything? 126 00:05:31,130 --> 00:05:33,350 I mean, people have canes and Seeing Eye dogs 127 00:05:33,351 --> 00:05:34,833 but a squirrel would have to be really lucky 128 00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:36,669 to even end up near an acorn tree. 129 00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:41,941 I gotta go lay down. 130 00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,308 I mean, I guess the squirrel could 131 00:05:43,309 --> 00:05:45,111 smell the acorn tree but still.. 132 00:05:46,746 --> 00:05:48,147 Now I gotta go lay down. 133 00:05:48,214 --> 00:05:50,750 [acoustic music] 134 00:05:54,253 --> 00:05:56,089 Oh, my gosh! 135 00:05:56,155 --> 00:05:59,559 Oh, Bryan, honey, Santa doesn't come until December. 136 00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:03,796 I'm concerned about this fireplace. 137 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,798 We really should have it cleaned. 138 00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:07,366 And I'm concerned you're not out 139 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,736 riding your bike like other kids. 140 00:06:09,802 --> 00:06:12,538 Creosote is the residue that builds up in a chimney. 141 00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:15,808 I mean, the whole house could go up in a giant fireball. 142 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:19,379 Hmm. And if you put a baseball card in your spokes 143 00:06:19,445 --> 00:06:21,547 it makes a sound like the motorcycle. 144 00:06:22,915 --> 00:06:24,050 Hey, handsome. 145 00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:26,217 The sweetener in that is eating your brain. 146 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,590 - He's a fun kid. - Mm-hm. 147 00:06:30,656 --> 00:06:33,025 - You want some help? Oh. - Sure. 148 00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:34,327 [Susan sighs] 149 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,462 [A.J. chuckles softly] 150 00:06:36,529 --> 00:06:39,732 So, what were you and Lauren giggling about? 151 00:06:39,799 --> 00:06:41,534 We were talking about 152 00:06:41,601 --> 00:06:44,237 pieces of pepperoni on a girl's butt. 153 00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:45,571 [chuckles] Oh! 154 00:06:47,273 --> 00:06:49,609 Oh. It's just weird 155 00:06:49,675 --> 00:06:52,445 to hear you guys having so much fun together. 156 00:06:52,512 --> 00:06:54,046 Really? Why? 157 00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:56,281 I just want to have those kinds of moments with her too. 158 00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:58,284 I don't want us to have the same distant 159 00:06:58,285 --> 00:06:59,818 relationship I had with my mom. 160 00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:01,754 Yeah, not a barrel of fun, your mom. 161 00:07:01,821 --> 00:07:04,557 Oh. Well, her idea of communication was 162 00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:06,244 "time for dinner, time to do your 163 00:07:06,292 --> 00:07:07,794 homework time to come home." 164 00:07:07,860 --> 00:07:10,630 If I had a watch we'd never would've communicated. 165 00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:13,031 Listen, listen, if you want Lauren to think of you 166 00:07:13,032 --> 00:07:15,101 more as a friend, why don't you just go out 167 00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:16,636 and have more fun with her? 168 00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,003 I'm gonna help you out here. 169 00:07:18,004 --> 00:07:19,838 I was supposed to me Lauren at the nail salon 170 00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:21,374 for a mani-pedi tomorrow. 171 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:22,875 Why don't you go instead? 172 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,744 - Really? You don't mind? - No, no. 173 00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:27,780 Actually, it'll give me a chance to hang with Bryan. 174 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,481 We don't get a lot of one-on-one time. 175 00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:30,749 Well, he got a new chess set and 176 00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:32,050 he's starting to play with somebody. 177 00:07:32,051 --> 00:07:35,421 Mmm. I actually, I'm thinking movie, ice-cream. 178 00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:38,124 Then I'm gonna tickle him till he pees. 179 00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:40,471 'Cause seriously, that kid needs to loosen up. 180 00:07:40,472 --> 00:07:41,560 Oh. 181 00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:43,896 [upbeat music] 182 00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:45,431 - Hey, Bill. - Hey. 183 00:07:45,498 --> 00:07:49,535 I just had a blind date with the hottest chick ever. 184 00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:50,635 Just now? 185 00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:51,871 It's not even noon. 186 00:07:53,172 --> 00:07:54,807 Yeah, I know. I made it for brunch. 187 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,008 I figured, without the pressure of Saturday night 188 00:07:57,009 --> 00:08:01,113 I could relax and let her get to know the real Paul DuFrayne. 189 00:08:01,180 --> 00:08:04,150 And you think that was your best plan? 190 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,651 No, apparently not. 191 00:08:05,718 --> 00:08:09,655 I made up a story about how I ran with the boars in Pamplona. 192 00:08:09,722 --> 00:08:11,858 So you have to take a picture of my head 193 00:08:11,924 --> 00:08:14,594 so that I can Photoshop it onto the body of a Spaniard. 194 00:08:16,195 --> 00:08:19,465 Alright, I'm gonna tie this around my neck for the picture. 195 00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:21,166 And then I'm gonna run really fast 196 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:24,270 so that it flutters realistically, okay? 197 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:28,274 Now you keep up 'cause I'm really gonna be moving. 198 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,976 Let's do this! 199 00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:39,585 [knocks on window] Hello? 200 00:08:39,652 --> 00:08:40,820 Get in here. 201 00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:44,990 - Bill, what's wrong with you? - I can't, man, I'm tired. 202 00:08:44,991 --> 00:08:47,092 I just finished playing basketball with Trent. 203 00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:49,328 Oh, really? Did you let him win today? 204 00:08:49,395 --> 00:08:50,663 No! That's the thing. 205 00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:52,965 I tried my hardest, and he still won anyway. 206 00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:54,499 That's the first time that's ever happened. 207 00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:58,504 Wow! That's a really big moment in a man's life. 208 00:08:58,571 --> 00:09:00,673 It's all downhill from here. 209 00:09:02,775 --> 00:09:05,111 I just had a bad day, alright? 210 00:09:05,177 --> 00:09:07,914 No, Bill, it's much more than that. 211 00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:11,250 You've officially entered male menopause. 212 00:09:12,685 --> 00:09:14,053 Shut up! 213 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:17,089 I just read about it in one of my men's magazine. 214 00:09:17,156 --> 00:09:21,394 Women obviously know when their hormonal changes occur. 215 00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:23,829 But men often miss the signs. 216 00:09:26,465 --> 00:09:29,302 You are very lucky I'm here. 217 00:09:29,368 --> 00:09:33,472 Yeah, every minute you're here is like winning the lottery. 218 00:09:33,539 --> 00:09:36,809 And one of the first signs of the change of life 219 00:09:36,876 --> 00:09:38,444 is the loss of physical prowess. 220 00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:39,879 Oh, dear God! 221 00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:42,148 I have not lost any physical prowess. 222 00:09:42,214 --> 00:09:45,117 I am every bit the man I was ten years ago. 223 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,691 Okay. Are you having any other symptoms? 224 00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:53,693 Are you irritable? Are you lactating? 225 00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:57,330 - Alright, stop it! - Irritable. 226 00:09:57,396 --> 00:10:00,866 I'm surprised you're not soaking through that shirt right now. 227 00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:03,869 Is that bandana cutting off circulation to your brain? 228 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:05,871 Li'l bit. Yeah. 229 00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:10,409 Look, I'm way too young to start getting old. 230 00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:13,713 I don't want my life to be defined by things I can't do. 231 00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:16,048 You know like, I, I can't eat spicy food. 232 00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:18,149 I can't stay awake during a movie anymore 233 00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:21,454 and I can't read a menu without that stupid 234 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:23,089 little light they give you. 235 00:10:23,155 --> 00:10:26,325 Why do they make the print on those things so small? 236 00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:27,727 You must be wondering. 237 00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:32,264 Look, Trent beat me one time, alright? 238 00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:34,099 But that doesn't mean I'm ready to be out out to pasture. 239 00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:35,734 I'm just gonna show him I still got what it takes. 240 00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:37,937 Are you nuts?! 241 00:10:38,004 --> 00:10:41,107 Your reflexes are shot too. 242 00:10:41,173 --> 00:10:43,576 But at least you can't get pregnant anymore. 243 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,178 [acoustic music] 244 00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:49,281 [instrumental music] 245 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:54,703 [bell jingles] 246 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,856 - Oh! Hey, honey. - Mom? 247 00:10:56,922 --> 00:10:58,491 What are you doing here? 248 00:10:58,492 --> 00:10:59,924 Well, Aunt A.J. couldn't make it 249 00:10:59,925 --> 00:11:01,861 so I thought I'd fill in. 250 00:11:01,927 --> 00:11:04,030 - Just a mani-pedi. - Mani-pedi. 251 00:11:06,899 --> 00:11:09,435 Again, what are you doing here? 252 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,037 Well, I thought it might be fun. 253 00:11:11,103 --> 00:11:13,706 You know, give us a chance to catch up a bit. 254 00:11:13,773 --> 00:11:15,875 First time ever for manicure? 255 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,942 Oh. I don't get to come in as often as I'd like. 256 00:11:17,943 --> 00:11:19,478 I have a husband, three kids. 257 00:11:19,545 --> 00:11:21,747 I thought maybe you worked in construction. 258 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:26,886 So.. 259 00:11:26,952 --> 00:11:29,188 You want to go first, or do you want me to? 260 00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:31,323 - For what? - Girl talk. 261 00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:34,360 - No, we are not doing that. - Oh, sure, come on. 262 00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:35,728 It'll be fun. 263 00:11:35,795 --> 00:11:37,730 [giggling] 264 00:11:37,797 --> 00:11:39,732 What are you doing? 265 00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:42,668 I'm sorry. I'm-I'm just very ticklish. 266 00:11:42,735 --> 00:11:43,903 Lucky us. 267 00:11:49,575 --> 00:11:51,043 So, erm.. 268 00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:53,045 ...any boys take fancy to you? 269 00:11:53,112 --> 00:11:54,413 - What? - Oh, come on. 270 00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:56,481 You're a pretty girl, somebody must like you. 271 00:11:56,482 --> 00:11:59,017 My gosh! I do not wanna talk about this stuff with you. 272 00:11:59,018 --> 00:12:02,188 Okay, okay. Well, then, we won't. 273 00:12:12,164 --> 00:12:15,267 - So do you like anybody? - Oh my gosh! Will you stop? 274 00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:17,503 Yeah, give it a rest. Even I'm uncomfortable. 275 00:12:24,694 --> 00:12:29,714 Want hear about my first boyfriend? How we went parking? 276 00:12:29,715 --> 00:12:32,350 - That's it. I'm out of here! - Lauren! Honey, wait! No! 277 00:12:32,351 --> 00:12:35,020 - L-Lauren. - Leave me alone. 278 00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:37,055 W-we-we could talk about whatever you want. 279 00:12:37,056 --> 00:12:39,558 Stop following me. 280 00:12:39,625 --> 00:12:41,827 Lauren, could you slow down? 281 00:12:41,894 --> 00:12:43,662 Honey, please, don't go! 282 00:12:43,729 --> 00:12:45,998 Yeah, please, don't go. 283 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,136 [acoustic music] 284 00:12:52,738 --> 00:12:56,876 That's what I'm talking about. I'm following my hormones. 285 00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:58,510 Your trash talk is getting weird. 286 00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:01,013 This is as young as I've felt in years. 287 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,182 And I'm not lactating, that's man-sweat. 288 00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:07,920 [Trent groans] 289 00:13:12,658 --> 00:13:13,893 Yeah! 290 00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:15,560 Are you gonna back me down every time? 291 00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:18,197 Hey, don't worry about defending it, just admire it. 292 00:13:18,264 --> 00:13:20,666 Ten-three, better pick it up. 293 00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:23,134 So that girl in my history class I was telling you about.. 294 00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:25,136 Oh! Whoa-whoa-whoa! Whoa! Double dribble! 295 00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:27,206 - My ball. Yeah. - What? 296 00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,174 Okay, so anyway, the girl asked me if I wanted to 297 00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:31,243 come watch her play volleyball and.. 298 00:13:32,611 --> 00:13:36,015 Swish! Nothin' but that! 299 00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:37,348 And I think that's kinda like a date. 300 00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:39,985 So I should definitely run it by Doug, right? 301 00:13:40,052 --> 00:13:42,121 Oh-ho! Loud mouth! 302 00:13:43,956 --> 00:13:45,858 Forget this. 303 00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:47,760 Hey! Where you going? 304 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:48,994 Come on back. 305 00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:53,365 Look, alright, I won't back you down anymore. 306 00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:55,968 Just jump shots. 307 00:13:56,035 --> 00:13:57,475 [knocks on door] Hey, Lauren. 308 00:13:57,536 --> 00:14:00,539 - I folded your laundry for you. - It doesn't look folded. 309 00:14:00,606 --> 00:14:03,909 Yeah, I dropped 'em on the stairs on the way up. 310 00:14:05,978 --> 00:14:08,047 - You okay? - What happened to you today? 311 00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:09,414 You didn't show up at the salon 312 00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:11,183 and I had to spend the day with my mom. 313 00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:13,285 - And that's a bad thing? - The worse. 314 00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:14,886 She kept sticking her nose in my business 315 00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:16,321 and trying to get me to talk to her. 316 00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:18,224 Ooh! She wanted you to talk to her. 317 00:14:18,290 --> 00:14:21,126 - Where does she get off? - Right? 318 00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:22,493 - Wait, what are you doing? - Ahh! 319 00:14:22,494 --> 00:14:24,462 Come on. You were spending time with your mom. 320 00:14:24,463 --> 00:14:26,832 There's worse things you could be doing. 321 00:14:26,899 --> 00:14:29,768 Plucking chickens, digging ditches. 322 00:14:29,835 --> 00:14:32,304 Spending time with my mom. 323 00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:34,405 You don't get it. She was totally embarrassing. 324 00:14:34,406 --> 00:14:36,208 Maybe you should cut her a break. 325 00:14:36,275 --> 00:14:37,810 I'm sure she meant well. 326 00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,345 So you're on her side now? 327 00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:40,712 I thought you were my friend. 328 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:41,847 I am your friend. 329 00:14:41,914 --> 00:14:44,450 But I'm your mom's friend first. 330 00:14:44,516 --> 00:14:45,718 Oh, sorry. 331 00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:47,652 - Didn't mean to interrupt- - No, no, no. 332 00:14:47,653 --> 00:14:49,688 You stay, I will go. 333 00:14:49,755 --> 00:14:51,357 Thanks for doing my laundry. 334 00:14:51,423 --> 00:14:55,261 But you put underwear in there by accident. I don't wear them. 335 00:14:55,327 --> 00:14:58,497 Uh, it wasn't an accident. It was more of a suggestion. 336 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:10,276 Listen, uh.. 337 00:15:10,342 --> 00:15:14,446 I know what I did at the salon was incredibly lame. 338 00:15:14,513 --> 00:15:17,216 I guess I just wanted us to be more like friends. 339 00:15:17,283 --> 00:15:19,585 You know, like you are with A.J. 340 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,185 But mom, people act differently with their 341 00:15:21,186 --> 00:15:22,553 friends than they do with their family. 342 00:15:22,554 --> 00:15:24,188 Well, it doesn't have to be that way. 343 00:15:24,189 --> 00:15:25,691 - I don't know. - I mean, come on. 344 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:28,338 Come on, try me. Tell me something you'd tell a friend. 345 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:29,410 Well.. 346 00:15:29,411 --> 00:15:32,830 Actually something funny did happen at school tod- 347 00:15:32,831 --> 00:15:34,667 Oh, good, good. Let's dish. 348 00:15:34,668 --> 00:15:36,634 Okay, so it was right after third period- 349 00:15:36,635 --> 00:15:37,903 Third period, great! 350 00:15:37,970 --> 00:15:40,773 - Trying too hard. - Alright, sorry. Sorry. 351 00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:42,740 Anyway, so I see my friends hanging out by the gym 352 00:15:42,741 --> 00:15:45,443 so we start talking about this cute guy, you know, and they go 353 00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:47,312 "How about a closer look?", and push me into 354 00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:49,347 the boys locker room and hold the door close. 355 00:15:49,348 --> 00:15:51,516 - Are there guys in there? - Naked guys, right. 356 00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:53,618 So I'm trying to get out, so I'm not really looking 357 00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:56,088 but I can't help but see a bunch of.. 358 00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:57,823 ...like a parade of.. 359 00:15:57,890 --> 00:15:59,491 Like a police line-up! 360 00:15:59,558 --> 00:16:02,995 Lauren, Lauren. You've got to be more careful. 361 00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:04,982 Th-that's how a girl gets a reputation. 362 00:16:04,997 --> 00:16:07,097 See? This is why we can't talk like friends. 363 00:16:07,098 --> 00:16:08,433 You can't help acting like a mom. 364 00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:10,102 No, wait. Wait, wait. I mean, um.. 365 00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:12,571 - Cool! Naked guys! - Mom! 366 00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:17,443 Okay, okay. Maybe you're right. 367 00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:18,910 Look, I don't know why you wanna hear about 368 00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:20,412 stupid stuff like this anyway. 369 00:16:22,848 --> 00:16:24,516 I just want you to feel 370 00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:27,686 like you can talk to me about anything. 371 00:16:27,753 --> 00:16:30,622 I do. When something's really important 372 00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:32,309 you're the first person I come to. 373 00:16:41,736 --> 00:16:44,469 I still feel like I just want us 374 00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:46,305 to talk like girlfriends some day. 375 00:16:46,372 --> 00:16:48,874 I mean, maybe, maybe when you're 376 00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:50,409 finished being a teenager 377 00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:53,512 and I'm not living in constant terror. 378 00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:57,950 - Like, after college? - Yeah, yeah. That's a deal. 379 00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:01,520 - Friends after college? Yeah. - Friends after college. 380 00:17:03,922 --> 00:17:05,391 So you, ah, you saw a lot- 381 00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:06,858 I'm not talking about it anymore! 382 00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,379 Okay, good, good. 'Cause I don't wanna hear about it. 383 00:17:10,295 --> 00:17:12,831 [instrumental music] 384 00:17:14,066 --> 00:17:16,068 [upbeat music] 385 00:17:19,138 --> 00:17:22,107 - What you got there, buddy? - Peanut butter and jelly. 386 00:17:22,174 --> 00:17:25,511 Ooh! Talk about your hidden dangers in the home. 387 00:17:25,577 --> 00:17:27,677 You're making yourself a death-sandwich. 388 00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:30,983 What are you talking about? 389 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,219 I'm just saying, you combine diglyceride with sodium citrate 390 00:17:34,286 --> 00:17:36,188 that's time bomb. 391 00:17:36,255 --> 00:17:38,657 Tick, tick, tick. Boom! 392 00:17:40,526 --> 00:17:44,430 You know what? I'm not that hungry anyway. 393 00:17:44,431 --> 00:17:46,330 Ahh, jelly's so much sweeter when you steal it 394 00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:47,499 from a ten year old. 395 00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:54,273 Hey. I just saw Trent out there playing basketball by himself. 396 00:17:54,339 --> 00:17:56,542 He seemed pretty upset. What's going on? 397 00:17:56,608 --> 00:17:59,511 Well, he's, he's probably mad 'cause he lost. 398 00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:02,781 That's weird. He's never been upset about losing before. 399 00:18:02,848 --> 00:18:04,049 Well.. 400 00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:05,583 I might have gone a little overboard 401 00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:07,118 'cause he beat me fair and square yesterday. 402 00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:09,454 But I just wanted to show him that the old man still has it. 403 00:18:09,455 --> 00:18:12,091 And by "old man" I mean, dad. 404 00:18:12,157 --> 00:18:15,360 Not some guy drying up and becoming irrelevant. 405 00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:18,263 Oh, well. I hope whatever you did with Trent 406 00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:20,598 doesn't keep him from wanting to play with you. 407 00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:23,402 I'd give anything to have that kinda thing with Lauren. 408 00:18:23,469 --> 00:18:26,109 - What are you talking about? - You know, bonding time. 409 00:18:26,138 --> 00:18:30,042 Oh, it's not bonding time, Susan. It's just basketball. 410 00:18:30,043 --> 00:18:32,477 Do you really think it's just about basketball out there? 411 00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:34,580 Okay I know what you're trying to do here. 412 00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:36,981 But I'm the therapist. Remember, I'm the one who spent 413 00:18:36,982 --> 00:18:38,684 two years getting his masters. 414 00:18:38,750 --> 00:18:40,052 Three. 415 00:18:40,053 --> 00:18:42,553 Well, excuse me for having to work through school. 416 00:18:42,554 --> 00:18:44,289 [scoffs] It wasn't work! 417 00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:45,656 You were driving around the country 418 00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:47,192 in a micro-bus trying to see 419 00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:50,295 every major league baseball stadium. 420 00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,263 And as soon as our kids go off to college 421 00:18:52,264 --> 00:18:53,765 you and I will finish that trip. 422 00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:58,314 I think you're too close to the situation with Trent 423 00:18:58,337 --> 00:19:00,672 to see what's going on. 424 00:19:00,739 --> 00:19:03,008 Look, when Trent and I play basketball 425 00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:04,576 it's just to work up a sweat. 426 00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:06,803 He tells me about his friends or his teacher 427 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:10,482 or some girl he like in his history class that his buddy.. 428 00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:12,351 ...Doug also likes. 429 00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:16,088 Ugh! I'm an idiot! 430 00:19:16,089 --> 00:19:18,256 I was so busy trying to prove something to myself 431 00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:20,959 I didn't even listen to him today. 432 00:19:21,026 --> 00:19:24,730 - I'mma go talk to him. - Mm, sounds like a good idea. 433 00:19:24,796 --> 00:19:27,633 You know what doesn't sound like a good idea? 434 00:19:27,699 --> 00:19:28,749 Stadium tour? 435 00:19:30,035 --> 00:19:31,655 You're batting a thousand, Bill. 436 00:19:39,077 --> 00:19:40,245 [exhales] 437 00:19:45,984 --> 00:19:47,034 How's it goin'? 438 00:19:51,223 --> 00:19:52,524 Mind if I shoot with you? 439 00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:55,009 It's a free country. 440 00:20:07,569 --> 00:20:12,009 Wow! You gotta get extra points for making that 441 00:20:12,010 --> 00:20:13,478 with your eyes closed. 442 00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:15,479 So did you ever tell Doug about history girl 443 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,248 invited you to the volleyball game? 444 00:20:17,249 --> 00:20:19,985 No, but I was thinking about calling him later today. 445 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:22,087 Nah. Do it face to face. 446 00:20:22,154 --> 00:20:23,355 [Trent grunts] 447 00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:30,028 - You think? - Yeah. Hey. 448 00:20:30,095 --> 00:20:32,564 Sorry about that thing before. 449 00:20:32,631 --> 00:20:34,971 Appears, I maybe going through male menopause. 450 00:20:34,972 --> 00:20:38,035 That don't mean I can't guard you, boy. 451 00:20:38,036 --> 00:20:40,138 Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh! 452 00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:41,305 Look who's been practicing. 453 00:20:41,306 --> 00:20:42,774 [Bill chuckles] 454 00:20:42,841 --> 00:20:44,676 So I'm thinking, I need a nickname. 455 00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:46,878 You know, something to reflect my speed. 456 00:20:46,945 --> 00:20:49,781 - Something like "The Flash!" - Ah! 457 00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:51,116 [Trent exhales] 458 00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:53,552 I'm thinking "Old, slow guy." 459 00:20:54,286 --> 00:20:57,356 [outro theme] 460 00:20:57,406 --> 00:21:01,956 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34210

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