Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Alright, dad's coming. Okay, everybody ready?

- Hey. - Hi.

- Here's your beer. - Here's your newspaper.

- Here's your remote. - With fresh batteries.

Okay.

I think I know what's going on here.

And, no, we're not getting a puppy.

Actually, AJ is coming to visit.

Oh. Can't we just get a puppy?

Why don't you like Aunt AJ, dad?

Yeah, she's mom's best friend.

It's not that I don't like her.

It's that she doesn't like me.

Oh, Bill.

Do you remember when she tried to set you up

with that other guy?

Will you let that go?

It was on our honeymoon.

- Was he hot? - Smoking hot.

Ha ha ha, make your little jokes

but you and I both know AJ never wanted you to marry me

because I'm not exciting.

I don't take you around the globe

and do exciting things.

And FYI, that smoking hot guy

was more interested in me than you.

Well, I like it when Aunt AJ comes to stay.

Remember when she took us to that fancy Italian restaurant?

Oh, yeah, and then after we finished eating

we had that race.

Mm-hmm. It's called dine and dash.

No, I think it was called Antonio's.

Oh, there she is.

Look, I haven't seen her in four years.

- You be nice. - Alright, alright.

- AJ! - Susan!

[laughs]

- Look at you. - Look at you.

- Look at you. - Oh, look at you.

Oh, my God, look at them.

Look at these kids.

Bryan, you've gotten so big.

And, Trent, you are so handsome.

And Lauren.. Oh, these are new.

Hey, a new record.

Twelve seconds and we are all uncomfortable.

Oh, Bill, you haven't changed a bit.

That goatee is never going away, is it?

[chuckles] Well, just because you shave yours

doesn't mean I have to shave mine.

[chuckles]

[theme music]

I'm telling you, kids

I learned more on the back of a burrow in the Himalayas

than I ever did in any stuffy classroom.

Thanks, we've been trying to find a way

to get them to drop out of school.

You know, Lauren, I'm thinking about backpacking

through Tibet next spring. Would you be interested?

Well, it depends. Do they have malls there?

[chuckles]

No, seriously, do they?

I did a virtual hike in Mount Everest online.

We should trade stories.

Dude, what stories could you possibly have from that?

At 20,000 feet, I saw a hiker trapped in a crevice.

I kept going.

Still haunts me.

Bryan, you can't experience the world through a laptop.

You got to go out there and be in it.

You know, walk through an open air market in Istanbul.

Sleep in a train station in Budapest.

Panhandle it in the streets of Cairo.

He's ten. He's not allowed to go past the end of the block.

There's more to life, Bill, than suburban Denver.

I know that, and if it hadn't been

for a scheduling conflict last year

we would have seen Old Faithful.

In Bill's defense

he did put a high pressure nozzle on our hose

and shot it in the air every 15 minutes.

Must have been just like the real thing.

That's what he kept saying.

Yeah, that and stand back she's gonna blow.

[laughs]

Okay, before I blow, why don't we let

mom and Aunt AJ have some time alone?

I'll get you kids some ice cream.

Bill, your vanilla's in the freezer.

I don't want vanilla.

I want something a little more adventurous

like mocha almond fudge.

You get vanilla, then we switch.

So, last time we talked

you were dating a cliff diver in Acapulco.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that didn't work out.

Oh, what happened?

Bottle of wine and low tide.

[gasps]

No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. You know me.

After a couple of months, it's just time to move on.

On the plus side, he did give me his house.

A house in Acapulco?

Actually, it's parked in your driveway.

You want to see?

What is that thing?

It's part van, part Winnebago.

It's a vannebago.

So what's new in Susan land these days?

Nothing much

still doing the exciting glamorous homemaker thing.

I saw this coming from the day you got married.

Didn't I say this was gonna happen?

Yeah, it was the gist of your toast.

[chuckles]

Can I let you in on a dirty little secret?

Oh, yes.

I love my life.

That's great. That's really great.

And you're doing a great job, Susan

but when's the last time that you really cut loose?

Let's see.

Oh, well, without telling Bill

I started cooking with canola oil

instead of butter.

Ooh.

You're not!

Oh, please!

[giggling]

Hey, do you remember that time in college

that you told those frat guys

that we're exchange students from Paris?

Right, w-w-wait, um..

Oh, bonjour. I am Fifi and this is my Zoey.

[laughs]

I would just hate to think

that you've lost that fun, impetuous side.

Oh, it's still there.

I just don't get a chance to show it as often.

- Mm-hmm. - Uh-oh.

Yeah, I know that look. What are you thinking?

[inhales deeply]

Can Fifi come out and play?

[laughs]

[instrumental music]

Whoa! Somebody's overdressed to watch "Animal Planet."

Actually, AJ had an idea for something fun to do tonight.

Tonight? It's 9:15 PM.

The only people out now are drug dealers and jazz musicians.

She wants us to go salsa dancing.

Oh, I hate dancing.

Besides, it's Friday night.

I got to work in the morning in two days.

Relax, you don't have to come.

We're gonna make it a girl's night out.

Oh, good. Great. Have fun.

Hey, hey, Susan, yeah, I got the vannebago running.

We got to go 'cause it gets crazy hot

if we don't get some wind into the grill.

I'm gonna grab some lipstick.

So, salsa dancing, huh?

Yeah, it'll be great for Susan

to get out of the box and have some fun.

Wait, what do you mean get out of the box?

You know, the predictable patterns

married people fall into.

Please. Susan and I are anything but predictable.

Okay, Bill, make sure you take Raffles for a walk

start the dishwasher, and remember

no iced tea after 10:15 PM. You'll be up all night.

Let the good times roll.

[upbeat music]

Yes! What a catch.

[laughs]

Alright, Bill, what's going on with you?

Oh, I'm-I'm sorry.

Paul, do you think Susan and I live in a box?

Well, it's not the nicest house in the block..

...but I wouldn't necessarily call it a box.

No, I meant, do you think Susan and I are in a rut?

Well, I don't know. Tell me what you guys do for fun.

Well, let's see, we watch TV

we play board games, go to a movie once in a while.

- No, you're not in a rut. - Good.

You are in a bottomless pit of soul sucking boredom.

God. We are boring.

No wonder she wanted to go have fun with AJ.

AJ?

The woman who jumped out of your wedding cake

even though it wasn't hollow?

Yeah, she showed up yesterday and took Susan out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Susan went out and you didn't call me to party?

- Yeah, dude, it was 09:30. - Oh, never mind.

Yeah, so, anyway, apparently

they had this great time salsa dancing.

Really? I love salsa dancing.

Since when are you so into salsa dancing?

Well, since I learned a very important fact of life.

Chicks dig guys who can dance, Bill.

Well, you can forget that 'cause I can't dance.

Oh, hey, Paul. This is, well, you remember AJ.

Oh, yeah. Hey, AJ. It's good to see you again.

I'm sorry, do we know each other?

Yeah, we met at Bill and Susan's wedding

and at the birth of each of their children.

- Oh, Paul, of course. - Yeah.

[laughs]

Guess where we went to eat.

Here's a hint. They serve Moroccan food.

- A Moroccan restaurant? - You nailed it.

We sat on cushions and listened to exotic music.

There was even a belly dancer.

[chuckles] I'm not a professional

but I always have my finger symbols with me

and I hate to see them go to waste.

Honey, AJ and I were talking

about how much fun we had salsa dancing

and we thought we'd go out again tonight.

Well, y-yeah, yeah, sure, sure.

I just thought AJ might be anxious

to get back on the road, you know.

Put air in your tires, check the oil

you're good to go.

No, no, no, not until we've had one more night on the town.

Oh, and don't bother waiting up for us this time.

Uh, I didn't wait up.

I just had some ill advised iced tea at 11:15 PM.

Oh, well, another night alone, huh?

No, I got to show Susan there's more to Bill Pearson

than just TV and board games.

Teach me to salsa.

Who are you talking to?

You said yourself, chicks dig guys who can dance.

Well, you know what else chicks dig? Coin collectors.

And that's something you can do in the privacy of your own home..

...alone, without another dude.

[instrumental music]

I don't like this.

I don't like this at all.

Paul, I've never begged a man to dance with me.

I'd like to keep that record intact.

Okay, but you owe me.

- Fine. What do you want? - No, no, not yet.

But whatever I ask, you got to promise, you'll say yes.

I can't do that.

Okay. But you got to promise me you'll at least consider it.

No, I won't.

Okay. Let's dance.

Alright, okay, first of all, you hold your partner like this.

Hand up there. My hand.

Okay, Bill, if you're going to hold my hand, hold it.

Yeah.

Okay.

The dance is like this.

You move forward on your left foot

then back on your right.

Bring your left foot back and pause.

And then you do the same thing with your right going backwards.

Forward, pause. Okay. So the rhythm is like this.

Quick, quick, slow. Quick, quick, slow.

Quick, quick, slow. And so on.

- Yeah, I like this. Yeah. - Okay. Yeah.

And then, once you get comfortable

you can put your partner to a turn

or spin your partner into..

[grunting]

[music continues]

- Yeah, that felt good. - Yeah.

Alright, good now.

- You, you lead. - Okay.

Are my feet right?

Bill, it's not about the feet.

It's about connecting, about being in sync.

Two bodies moving as one.

Okay, could you not talk that way-

Shhh..

Think of me as Susan, Bill.

If you love her, dance with me.

[music continues]

Yes. Good movement.

Nice footwork.

Now dip me, Bill.

Dip me like you mean it.

Wow.

Wow.

[upbeat music]

[cheers]

Thank you, baby. I'll be right back.

Whoo!

- Oh. - Hey.

So what do you think of Philip?

[chuckles] Well, he's not afraid to show off his Philipples.

Why aren't you out on the dance floor?

I don't know. I'm not having as much fun as last night.

Why not? This place is loaded with hot guys to dance with.

Yeah, I know. I-I guess I just miss my guy.

You know what? I think I'm gonna go home.

Uh.. Uh, no, you can't do that.

Why not?

'Cause this really cute guy is coming over.

Would the prettiest woman in this place

like to dance with me?

Bill, I'm flattered, but don't you think you should ask Susan?

What are you doing here? You hate dancing.

But I love being with you.

[chuckles]

Shall we?

Do you even know how to salsa?

Ooh.

You're going to get salsa

like you've never been salsa before.

[instrumental music]

Two, three, four.

(DJ) 'Alright, everyone, it's 10 o'clock.'

Time to rumba.

Oh, oh, oh.

That's not quick, quick, slow and quick, quick, slow.

Uh, you know, I don't know how to rumba either.

- Do you want to leave? - You know what?

Who cares if we don't know what we're doing

as long as we're doing it together?

Lead on.

- I love you, Bill. - Love you too, Susan.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Quick, quick, slow. I am a dancer. Quick, quick, slow.

What rumba dancer.

[laughs] Oh, thanks, honey.

Tonight was the most fun I have had in a long time.

Me too.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just going to get some water.

I thought you were going out for a drink with Philip.

Oh, I wasn't in the mood.

Did you see what that guy was wearing?

I didn't think you could wear pantyhose from the waist up.

- Anyway, goodnight. - Goodnight.

Uh, I just want to say that

you two were really great out there tonight.

Oh, thanks, AJs.

Hold on. There's a cheap shot coming.

No, Bill, I mean it this time.

The connection between you two.

I can tell that you really love each other.

She's taking her time.

Laying the groundwork.

You're a craftsman, alright.

Stop it, Bill. She's trying to be nice which is weird.

What's going on? Is everything okay?

[chuckles] Yeah. Yeah, I'm good.

I thought that you guys should know.

Oh, wait.

If we're being sincere then I have something to say too.

But if you make fun of it, I'll take it back.

Okay.

If you hadn't been here

I wouldn't have gone salsa dancing.

So your coming here was not the worst thing

that could have happened.

I'll take that.

- See you tomorrow, guys. - Goodnight.

I think I'll go check on the kids.

Alright. Don't take too long.

Seriously, it's almost 11:00 PM.

[sobbing]

[knocking]

Uh, yeah, um..

Come in.

Hey, AJ, you left your water in the house.

Oh, thanks.

- So, this is your place, huh? - Yeah.

If you want a full tour, poke your head in all the way.

- Were you crying? - No.

No.

Maybe just a little.

You want to talk about it?

And i-it's okay if you don't.

Sorry, it's just that being with all of you guys

over these last couple of days

has made me see how lost I am.

Do you want me to go in the house and get Susan?

'Cause she's still up.

You know what? You're right.

I-I shouldn't be bothering you with this.

No, no, it's alright.

[chuckles] You just kind of caught me off guard.

I mean, this is the latest I've stayed up

since high school.

Go ahead.

Listen, Bill, I-I've led a pretty interesting life

and I don't regret any of it.

But after so many years of jumping around

from guy to guy and place to place

I realize that there's nothing grounding my life.

And I want that.

[crickets chirping]

Well, I don't want to sound like a therapist

but...figuring out what you want is

a great first step to getting it.

You're not going to charge me for this, are you?

I could charge you double.

I mean, technically, this is a house call.

[chuckles]

So what are you going to do?

Going to do what I always do.

Go on the open road, see where it takes me

and hope the answer is out there somewhere.

[breathes deeply]

Or you could stay here with us.

Really?

Yeah, you know, just to figure things out.

And are you sure that you'd be okay with this?

Well, I-I think it would mean a lot to Susan.

I mean for some reason, she seems to like you.

Yeah, she's pretty great like that.

Yeah.

Thank you, Bill.

Come here.

And she married a pretty great guy.

Would it hurt you to say that in front of other people?

[laughs]

Goodnight, AJ.

[upbeat music]

Alright, everybody, gather round. It's movie time.

As long as it's not cheaper by the dozen again.

What? It's got twelve kids.

Something for everybody and a lovable dad.

Steve Martin. What happened?

Let me just go plug in my vannebago.

(Bill) Alright, over here.

How long is Aunt AJ staying with us?

Uh, probably just a couple weeks.

But it'll seem like more.

- Bill. - Sorry. Old habits.

Thank you again for inviting her to stay.

I think having her around is going to be a lot of fun.

(AJ) 'Sorry.'

Yeah. Let the good times roll.

Quick question. Do you guys have a fire extinguisher?

[ending theme]

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