Original subtitles

You made out with patience?

Puritans don't do casual hookups. She probably thinks we're engaged now.

I believe that we should be together.

Yeah, but... different world.

Oh, but that can be remedied. I have met your friends, and you can meet my

people. Where's this going?

Trevor Lefkowitz.

Allow me to introduce you to... the other.

Oh. Nice to meet you. The others?

Hey, I'm Bruce.

And this is Brother Richard, my beautiful wife, Sunrise, and her

number 28.

Sometimes people call me Ted.

So is this like some sort of cult? Oh, we don't like that word. It's not a

It's a family.

Great legs, by the way.

Oh, thanks.

Died on leg day. Like to think I retained some pump.

This is Trevor, the Jewish fellow I was telling you about.

Oh, we're a monotheistic religion as well.

We worship Bruce.

Yeah, he's a guy we met at a cream concert.

And now he's our one true God.

The meteorite chose him.

Wait a minute.

Meteorite? Has anyone seen my glasses? Oh, wait.

Never mind.

Flower?

Bruce. You know of him?

Yeah.

He was my cult leader.

Babe, check it out. The G .E .K.

3000, the most powerful street legal metal detector you can get. Okay, but

did you get this?

It's for Bimini.

All those white sandy beaches and drunk honeymooners. I find two wedding rings

the trip is paid for. Oh, that's right. You guys are leaving for your big group

trip to Bimini today.

Were you just in the bathroom?

Oh, yeah, yeah. New thing I'm doing.

You know, I was thinking about it. Hey, babe.

It's got an injection -molded grip. Sorry, Pete's just explaining why he

uses the bathroom.

Yeah, I'll hold for that.

You know, back when I was alive, sure, going to the bathroom served a practical

function, but it was also just a nice little break in the day.

So you're just sitting in there?

Yeah. You know, I let the fact that I can't metabolize food or produce feces

keep me from enjoying a moment's peace.

Sam, we got four new ghosts.

It's Bruce and some old friends from my cult. Not a cult. A family.

So, this is the living who can see ghosts?

Yeah, and her husband, he's just a regular.

Sam, you won't believe it. The thing can detect a coin up to 12 feet deep.

Sorry, Jay. There's a bunch of new ghosts, one of whom is Flower's old cult

leader, Ruth.

Tough day to debut the metal detector.

But where they all come from? Oh, been on property a thousand years.

Never seen.

It was summer, 1970.

Our community was being unfairly targeted by the authorities, so we

into hiding, and one of our members knew about an old bunker.

A Cold War -era fallout shelter where we'd be safe and secure forever.

There was a carbon monoxide leak, and we all died on the first night. We chosen

ones stayed behind, but most of the family ascended to the great asteroid

Oh, I believe you said they went to Io, Jupiter's third largest moon?

Right.

Richard, on it as usual.

Wait, you're saying there's a bunker full of dead bodies on the property?

Seriously?

Well, if they've been here since the 70s, this feels kind of like an after

-Bimini situation to deal with, so I'm going to go pack.

Bruce, I can't believe you're back.

We have so much to catch up on.

I'm Thor, boyfriend of Flower.

Oh. Well, nice to meet you, Thor.

You know, we have a saying in the bunker, boyfriends come and go, but

forever.

Actually, I believe... I swear to God, Richard.

I mean, peace and love, Brother Richard.

So, what did you think of my friends?

Oh, they seem great.

Oh, good.

Then with the formality of introductions behind us, our courtship can proceed

with the intention of marriage.

Wait, marriage?

There she is.

How you doing?

Is this the man I've been hearing so much about?

Kitty.

I'm sorry.

Who's this?

Oh, tis my truest friend, Barbara.

We met in the dirt.

Hey, legs, did you know your hoagie's out?

Are you from Philadelphia?

Does a mummer take a leak on 2 Street?

South Philly girl. Born and raised.

Wow.

Ask if we want to go to the beach for dessert.

Yous want to go down the shore for some water, us?

Oh, my God.

You know, I once went down to the shore.

A beautiful place to drown a witch.

You led the surrender from Fort Ticonderoga? I read about that in high

man. That's far out.

Well, any surrender is the work of many hands, but I did sort of get the ball

rolling on the whole giving up thing.

Hey, it takes great courage to run away like that.

You might even be family material.

Oh, great. I hope you don't like sleeping with women. I don't. Hey, guys.

Oh, hey, Isaac.

I was just sitting here when they came in. Now we're hanging out.

They think I'm cool.

Flower, I can't believe our heavenly souls have been reunited.

But in fact, it is just as the meteorite predicted.

All hail the meteorite, the source of all wisdom.

Yeah, about that.

When I was alive, you said that the meteorite predicted the world would end

February 13th, 2025.

Exactly. But that date came and went, and the world didn't end.

Right. Well, the thing about that is when I received the math

from the meteorite, I forgot to carry the one.

So you're saying that the meteorite didn't give you a date that the world

end, it gave you an equation?

That's right.

Makes sense to me.

Math is hard.

You ready, babe?

Karen and Libby are picking us up from the airport. They're going to be here

minute. Yep, I'm ready.

Are you still bringing the metal detector?

Uh, that depends. Do you want to be the most popular people on this group trip?

He's got a point. Everybody wants to talk to the guy with the metal detector.

It's a great icebreaker.

Or use axe to break ice.

I come with news.

Flower has rejoined the cult.

Oh, no.

This is very bad.

And more news.

I also got in.

Great, they're almost here. I'm going to get the bag. Uh, Jay, we might have to

meet them at the airport.

There's a bit of a ghost situation.

Damn it.

You know I got in on the first try.

Bruce says not a lot of people get in on the first try.

This is awful.

Yeah, I thought that flower put all that cult stuff behind her. That car ride to

the airport with Garrett and Libby was going to be prime bonding time.

Oh, I see. He's upset about something much more trivial.

It's about... winning a group trip. The car ride bonding leads to the airport

bonding, and by the time we're in Bimini, everyone else is on the outside

looking in at us. I'm sorry, Jay. I'm just worried about Flower.

It's okay.

We still have the metal detector.

We still have our ace in the hole. Hello. Is anyone worried about me?

also, as previously mentioned, got in.

Congratulations, Isaac.

Flower makes so much progress.

Many things thanks to Thor. Not for Thor to say, but now Thor, very worried for

Flower. Well, go talk to her, big guy. If anyone can get through to her, it's

you. Yeah.

For good speaking.

Oh, she's perfect.

Instead of sandwich, she says hoagie. Instead of sprinkles, she says jimmies.

just break up with Patience and get with Barbara.

Oh, sweet innocent sass, if only we're that simple. You can't dump someone and

then date their best friend.

Well, I mean, over the course of one year, I dated four brothers.

But the rules don't apply to me.

I'm birdie.

I got it.

I have to get patients to break up with me.

Then I'm not the bad guy. The question is, how am I going to get patients to

break up with this?

If only there was someone on the property who was an expert on getting

Oh, come on. That's a little bit hyperbolic. Well, Joe never came back,

course the car goes lefty for roast beef.

Yeah, that was tough. Okay, not that I'm...

The expert. But if you want patients to break up with you, just figure out all

the things that she likes about you and then just try to change those things.

Well, I can't do anything about the chiseled jawline.

But she does seem really into my work ethic. Maybe there's something I can do

there. Great. Sounds like a plan.

Thank you, Seth.

I stand on the shoulders of dump giants.

God, I could help.

It's so nice to have you back in the fold, Sister Flower.

And just to be clear, she did not get in on her first try.

Which is fine. I mean, not everybody does.

Flower, can Thor speak with you?

Oh, hey, Thor.

I'm not sure that now is a good time.

Actually, now is a perfect time. Flower had something she wanted to talk to you

about. Flower?

Flower, what are you talking about?

Let's talk in private. I'm afraid you're not going to like it.

What about him? Did he get in on the first try?

What's happening?

Going to break up with Thorfinn? No, you big oaf. I'm going to destroy the cult

from the inside.

What do you mean?

Seeing all of my old friends still falling for Bruce's lies, it's just too

for me to bear.

So, I'm gaining their trust, and then I'm going to expose Bruce for the fraud

that he is.

Yes, use deception to destroy enemy.

It's like time I tell Dana's chief I want to discuss treaty, but instead use

to kill him in front of entire family.

Uh, yeah. Yeah, sort of the same thing.

How can Thor help?

You can't. This is something I have to do on my own.

Now, scream like I just broke up with you and then storm out of here.

What trouble is he?

Just wallowing in self -pity.

I got fired from my job.

Oh, dear.

Well, I am certain you will soon find another firm in need of a moneylender.

not interested.

I'm thinking about getting into sloth.

Maybe become a layabout.

So, if you want to get off the T -train, I completely understand.

Oh, the tea train is a locomotive from which I shall never disembark. What?

You're not going to break up with me?

Oh, the first sign of trouble? Heavens, no.

Loyalty is the most divine of virtues.

But why would you want to be loyal to me, a lazy do -nothing? Now, you listen

here. You are an ingenious and resourceful man with hearty quads and a

buttock. You will find your way.

I believe in you, Trevor.

Really?

That's, uh... That's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me.

Thank you.

Patience.

Patience.

Bruce, why are we welcoming Sister Flower back into the family?

Yeah, I thought you hated Flower. Isn't she the reason we had to go into hiding

in the first place? Guys, guys, let's not gang up on Bruce.

I'm sure he has his reasons. Thank you, Richard.

I do have my reasons.

It's true.

Flower betrayed her.

So, we will welcome her into our warm embrace, and then we will take our

revenge.

Applause.

Hey there,

Trevor. What are you doing?

I wanted to see how you're doing.

So...

How you doing?

Whoa.

I thought you were Patience's friend.

She's all right.

A little creepy.

Now, are we doing this or what?

I, uh... I don't know.

Come on.

I thought you liked the way I talked.

Wah -wah, skookle, cheesesteak with whiz.

No, no, I can't do this.

What? Barbara, you may be a stone -cold ten, and your dialect is pure

uncut sex appeal, but patience is loyal, and

you're not.

And, oh,

I think I'm into patience.

Wow.

Well, you know what?

You're a friggin' loser.

Bigger friggin' loser than all the pirate fans put together.

Go filth.

I just overheard something crazy. Those lunatics are trying to make Flower a

little dirt weasel. Peter, slow down. What are you saying?

I was going to the bathroom and I was just about to pretend to flush when I

heard the cult start talking about their plan to lure Flower to the bunker and

push her into the dirt. I can't believe this.

They're making secret revenge plans without me?

There's always another velvet rope behind the velvet rope.

Pete is saying that Bruce has an evil plan to seek revenge on Flower.

What did Flower do?

Apparently, after she left the cult, she blabbed to some undercover cop at

Woodstock about their whereabouts, and that's why they had to go into hiding.

they blame Flower for their death. So Flower basically killed 20 people.

That's pretty hot.

Flower told a cop about the cult, which caused them to go into hiding, and now

they're going to take her back to the bunker and push her into the dirt. Oh,

Although, if I recall the last time Flower was in mortal danger, the ghosts

of handled it on their own, and I bet it was kind of empowering for them. We

need to tell Flower. To the TV room to stop them. Yes, and to get to the bottom

of why they didn't include me in their plotting, but mainly the stopping thing.

Oh.

What did you do to Patience?

What are you talking about? She said she walked in on you hooking up with

Barbara. What? No, I rejected Barbara. It almost killed me, but I did it. Well,

whatever happened, she seemed pretty upset.

She said she never wants to talk to you again, then she yelled her name three

times and ran into the dirt.

No! They're gone!

Have you guys seen Flower or the cult?

I think they went back to the bunker. What? All of them? But how could they go

without mail number 51?

That's me.

Oh, no, Jay, they went back to the bunker.

It's okay.

Patience can leave it there. Yeah, unfortunately, Patience is mad at

she went back into the dirt, and it doesn't seem like she's going to be

back anytime soon. Ah, a Puritan scorned. If we don't get to the bunker

Flower will be lost to us forever.

But we don't know where the entrance to the bunker is, and I don't know how

we're going to find it. That hasn't been opened in 60 years. It's probably

completely grown over with grass.

Huh. If only there was someone with the right equipment and the know -how to

find metal in the ground.

Oh, wait.

Boop, boop, boop.

I think I found our guy.

How'd that work?

Jay, you know this means we'll miss our flight to Bimini. With great power comes

great responsibility.

Our invisible hippie friend is in the ground and we're going to go get her

because my wife fell down some stairs five years ago.

Ooh, cool bunker.

Flower.

We have some unfortunate news we need to discuss with you. You're not actually

here for a 60th anniversary cult orgy. Oh. We brought you here to punish you

for betraying us.

What? We know that you ratted us out to a cop at Woodstock.

I mean, I did talk about you guys, but I don't recall any cop.

And I was just saying all the nice things about the orgies and the drugs

smart you were with the tax evasion. Oh, wait.

Now I see. Okay.

Sister Flower, for your betrayal, you are hereby sentenced to an eternity in

dirt.

Husband, your ban on touching women is temporarily lifted. Now push her through

the wall.

No, no, no, no, no. Wait.

Wait.

What is that? The GK3000 to the rescue.

Flower! We're here for you!

We made it in time. Flower's here.

Back off, hippie scum. Whoa.

If we could get cable down here, this would be a literal man cave.

So, was everyone told about the dirting? I'm not saying I support it, but as

someone who famously got into the cult on the first try, I would have loved to

have at least been looped in.

Flower, let's get you out of here. Wait.

I can't leave yet.

I came here to expose Bruce as a fraud and free all of my old friends from his

grasp.

What's this world talking about?

Bruce preys on your desire for community and family.

But real families aren't bound by manipulation and control.

Real families are bound together by love.

She's crazy.

And anyone who dares listen to her will never again get a nibble of my carrot.

Like these guys could have left me here to get pushed into the dirt, but they

didn't. Would Bruce do the same for any of you?

Oh, I'm getting a new prophecy.

The meteorite says a great betrayer will return to sow seeds of doubt.

Hold on. That could be flour.

Interesting. Good point, Richard.

Meteorite? What is he talking about? That is a Heideki. You know, one of

fake rock things that you put a spare key inside of? We had one outside for

Jerry to...

Oh, damn it. No, no, no, no, no. This is from space.

If that's on his ghost person, then the actual hide -a -key, which would prove

that Bruce is a fraud, is on his dead body.

Oh, no.

All our dead bodies are in the other room, through that door. The bodies are

that room, Jay.

Bruce died wearing a little satchel, so the hide -a -key is probably inside

that. Oh, fine.

I'm on it.

You should be sipping Mai Tais in the Delta Lounge.

This is ridiculous.

Why must the outside world intrude on our affairs?

Oh, my God, Sam, I'm going to throw up.

Why are they afraid of our happiness and secret knowledge?

Okay, I got it, but I'm picking the next 50 movies for movie night.

Made in Taiwan.

I believe Taiwan is actually the third moon of Saturn.

Can it, Bruce?

And a Volkswagen key.

Oh, yeah, that's hard to defend.

Okay, well, sorry, folks.

Cult's over.

Honestly, it's a bit of a wait -off. My name's Jason, and I couldn't get a

girlfriend. Jason and Bruce feels a bit lateral.

You know we have to dirt you now, right?

Ooh, I'd rather you didn't.

So that's a no. Okay.

Well, we're getting done.

Nice seeing everyone.

So you found the deceased and then waited a week to get in touch with my

What's happening here?

Sam and Jay are trying to explain to the coroner why they went on vacation after

finding a pile of dead bodies.

And how's that going?

Marvin, are you familiar with the concept of island time?

Not well. Look, you guys are my best customers by a wide margin, so I'm going

let it fly this time.

It's not great that you're on these kind of terms with the coroner.

So, uh, how was Bimini?

It was...

Good. I mean, we had to take a later flight than everybody else, so we missed

the whole first night, you know, welcoming drinks and the opening

the scavenger hunt.

Yeah, there were a lot of inside jokes that we didn't get, so we were kind of

playing catch -up the whole week.

Oh, yeah, that sounds tough.

Well, I'm going to start tagging the bodies.

Well, at least you got to attend.

And it seems like you may be on the short list for Marvin's Christmas party

year.