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1
00:00:06,353 --> 00:00:09,139
Troops, we're running low
on fresh water,
2
00:00:09,269 --> 00:00:11,489
so I must speak against
this ridiculous new trend
3
00:00:11,619 --> 00:00:13,099
of handwashing.
4
00:00:13,230 --> 00:00:15,580
Sir, I heard that handwashing
prevents dysentery.
5
00:00:15,710 --> 00:00:19,062
Oh, I'm sorry, Collins,
are you a physician or a barber?
6
00:00:19,192 --> 00:00:21,107
I didn't think so.
7
00:00:22,587 --> 00:00:25,894
Now, time for
my newest invention.
8
00:00:26,025 --> 00:00:28,288
One that shall surely turn
the tide in this conflict.
9
00:00:31,726 --> 00:00:34,903
A musket with a spy glass
attached. I'm calling it...
10
00:00:35,034 --> 00:00:37,036
the "Eyesaac."
11
00:00:37,167 --> 00:00:38,907
- So just your name?
- Right.
12
00:00:39,038 --> 00:00:40,474
But instead of the letter "I,"
13
00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:41,910
I'm spelling it
with the word "eye"--
14
00:00:42,041 --> 00:00:45,740
E-Y-E-- at the front.
15
00:00:45,871 --> 00:00:49,353
Point is, close combat will
soon be a thing of the past,
16
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,485
because the Eyesaac,
E-Y-E,
17
00:00:51,616 --> 00:00:55,054
allows for accurate targeting
of up to--
18
00:00:55,185 --> 00:00:56,838
and I kid you not--
50 yards.
19
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:03,367
Glory be, I've got eyes
on a British officer.
20
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:06,370
Now, of course it would be
dishonorable to engage
21
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,459
while, you know,
he's unarmed.
22
00:01:08,589 --> 00:01:10,809
Quite a striking fellow.
23
00:01:10,939 --> 00:01:12,637
He's fit of body,
24
00:01:12,767 --> 00:01:15,030
well-groomed,
25
00:01:15,161 --> 00:01:17,120
ready for action.
26
00:01:21,602 --> 00:01:23,909
Right.
27
00:01:24,039 --> 00:01:26,825
Well, lots of war stuff to do.
28
00:01:26,955 --> 00:01:28,870
Battle is nigh.
And remember,
29
00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:31,525
do not shoot them until
30
00:01:31,656 --> 00:01:33,745
you see the green of his eyes.
31
00:01:33,875 --> 00:01:35,486
Their eyes.
32
00:01:35,616 --> 00:01:37,270
Till you see the green
of their eyes.
33
00:01:37,401 --> 00:01:38,880
I actually didn't notice
if he had green eyes.
34
00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:40,969
They had green eyes.
35
00:01:48,281 --> 00:01:50,240
Oh, I gotta find a way out
of this crypt.
36
00:01:50,370 --> 00:01:51,763
I'm not getting eaten
by a purple worm.
37
00:01:51,893 --> 00:01:53,112
Eaten by a worm?
38
00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:54,418
This game seems
stressful.
39
00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:56,071
This is what Jay
does to relax?
40
00:01:56,202 --> 00:01:57,682
Dungeons & Dragons isn't
about relaxation,
41
00:01:57,812 --> 00:01:59,074
it's about adventure.
42
00:01:59,205 --> 00:02:00,511
Yeah. Nothing says adventure
like eating
43
00:02:00,641 --> 00:02:02,861
a family-size bag of
chips by yourself.
44
00:02:02,991 --> 00:02:06,038
Okay, Jay, you're gonna have
to make a decision. Do you...
45
00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:07,344
Oh, come on. Not again.
46
00:02:08,997 --> 00:02:12,871
I'm sorry, guys, my Internet
- cut out again.
- Yeah, we know.
47
00:02:13,001 --> 00:02:15,047
It's happened, like,
20 times already.
48
00:02:15,178 --> 00:02:16,962
Yeah, well, what do you expect?
It's rural Internet.
49
00:02:17,092 --> 00:02:18,529
You guys get it.
You're from Queens.
50
00:02:18,659 --> 00:02:19,965
That's practically
the country.
51
00:02:20,095 --> 00:02:21,532
Jay, we moved downtown,
by Brett and Shayla.
52
00:02:21,662 --> 00:02:22,881
You did? Wait.
53
00:02:23,011 --> 00:02:23,795
Who's Brett and Shayla?
54
00:02:23,925 --> 00:02:25,231
You haven't met Brett yet? Okay.
55
00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:27,494
He is hilarious.
He fits right in.
56
00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:29,409
We met him at a pub quiz.
57
00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:31,281
Oh...
58
00:02:31,411 --> 00:02:33,587
I'm confused. Is this
part of the game?
59
00:02:33,718 --> 00:02:35,285
Unfortunately, I think
the only game being played here
60
00:02:35,415 --> 00:02:36,373
is an adult man
61
00:02:36,503 --> 00:02:38,549
trying to maintain
long-distance friendships.
62
00:02:38,679 --> 00:02:40,681
I don't get it. Couldn't...
a hotspot or something?
63
00:02:40,812 --> 00:02:42,553
Oh, great, you're back.
Hey, can you hear me?
64
00:02:42,683 --> 00:02:45,120
Do we just ask Brett
to take Jay's spot?
65
00:02:45,251 --> 00:02:46,470
What? Brett can't have my spot.
No way.
66
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:47,949
What are you thinking, should we
just kill Jay's character?
67
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:48,950
No, guys,
68
00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:51,039
I can hear you.
69
00:02:51,170 --> 00:02:53,651
I'm sad to lose Jay.
But Brett? Hello?
70
00:02:53,781 --> 00:02:54,913
I hate Brett.
71
00:02:55,043 --> 00:02:56,262
Wow. Hard to imagine
72
00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:58,090
feeling this betrayed
by friends.
73
00:02:58,221 --> 00:03:00,266
Didn't your best friend sleep
with your wife?
74
00:03:00,397 --> 00:03:03,487
Yes, Sasappis. Thank you
for that helpful example.
75
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,532
So you want me to just take down
the whole shed?
76
00:03:05,663 --> 00:03:07,404
Yeah, it's kind of an eyesore.
77
00:03:09,406 --> 00:03:10,276
Oh.
78
00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:15,412
What on earth is
the meaning of this?
79
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,024
Oh, yeah, this place
will come down real easy.
80
00:03:19,154 --> 00:03:20,591
Come down?
81
00:03:20,721 --> 00:03:22,114
I'll have you know
these barracks
82
00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:23,768
are the sovereign territory
of his Royal Highness
83
00:03:23,898 --> 00:03:25,335
King George III.
84
00:03:26,379 --> 00:03:27,511
And look at this one.
85
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:28,773
- Gawking.
- Sorry.
86
00:03:29,556 --> 00:03:30,818
Mark.
87
00:03:30,949 --> 00:03:32,298
Sorry, Mark.
88
00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:34,474
Uh, just leave the shed.
89
00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:35,867
I have a meeting.
90
00:03:35,997 --> 00:03:37,956
We'll talk later.
91
00:03:38,086 --> 00:03:39,740
- She can see us.
- Remarkable.
92
00:03:39,871 --> 00:03:41,394
Indeed.
93
00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:44,092
Hey. Uh, did you guys know
there's three British soldiers
94
00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:46,878
from the Revolutionary War
living in our garden shed?
95
00:03:47,008 --> 00:03:47,879
Don't worry about them.
96
00:03:48,009 --> 00:03:49,097
They mostly stick
to themselves.
97
00:03:49,228 --> 00:03:50,838
They come up
to the main house
98
00:03:50,969 --> 00:03:53,014
once every year or so with
some dispute or complaint.
99
00:03:53,145 --> 00:03:55,278
They've never gotten
over losing the war.
100
00:03:55,408 --> 00:03:57,628
Well, those limeys can wipe
their eyes with crumpets.
101
00:03:57,758 --> 00:04:00,370
'Cause this land is,
and has always been, American.
102
00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:01,806
Said the guy from Massapequa.
103
00:04:01,936 --> 00:04:03,982
Ever since the war,
the agreement's been
104
00:04:04,112 --> 00:04:05,984
the Americans get the house,
the Brits get the shed.
105
00:04:06,114 --> 00:04:06,680
No, no,
106
00:04:06,811 --> 00:04:07,986
no, no.
107
00:04:08,116 --> 00:04:10,205
Oh, no. What is it, Jay?
108
00:04:10,336 --> 00:04:11,990
Hitch died.
109
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:13,861
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
110
00:04:13,992 --> 00:04:15,863
That's awful. He was a...
111
00:04:15,994 --> 00:04:17,561
really...
112
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:18,823
You have no idea
who Hitch is, do you?
113
00:04:18,953 --> 00:04:21,129
- I do not.
- He was my D&D character.
114
00:04:21,260 --> 00:04:22,348
Oh. No, not to
be insensitive,
115
00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,916
it's just, doesn't he exist
entirely in your head?
116
00:04:25,046 --> 00:04:26,483
What is it, Pete?
117
00:04:26,613 --> 00:04:29,529
I-I just wanted to say, as
a long-time adventurer myself,
118
00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:32,489
the bond between D&D creator
and character
119
00:04:32,619 --> 00:04:34,012
can be very real.
120
00:04:34,142 --> 00:04:35,883
I know I shed a few tears
when I lost Gelvin Monkspear
121
00:04:36,014 --> 00:04:37,363
to the demogorgon.
122
00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:39,670
Pete's saying he can relate,
'cause he got upset
123
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:41,889
about losing some character
- to a demidragon.
- Demogorgon.
124
00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:42,890
Demogorgon?
125
00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:44,849
Pete plays D&D?
126
00:04:44,979 --> 00:04:46,938
Heck yeah. It was
really popular in the '80s.
127
00:04:47,068 --> 00:04:49,636
Hey, maybe Jay and I
could play together.
128
00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:51,551
Oh, that's really sweet-- Pete
wishes he could play with you.
129
00:04:51,682 --> 00:04:54,249
Whoa, we totally could
do that. Hey, Pete,
130
00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:56,991
Pete, listen, you pick
a character and I'll DM,
131
00:04:57,122 --> 00:04:59,951
and then Sam... Sam,
all you have to do
132
00:05:00,081 --> 00:05:01,256
is translate,
like you're doing right now.
133
00:05:01,387 --> 00:05:03,128
- I love this idea!
- Oh, no, no, no.
134
00:05:03,258 --> 00:05:04,782
I mean, I love you,
obviously,
135
00:05:04,912 --> 00:05:06,000
but fantasy role-playing games
136
00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:07,959
are at the far end
of that affection.
137
00:05:08,089 --> 00:05:09,961
Yeah. Okay, cool.
138
00:05:10,091 --> 00:05:12,137
All my best friends
just broke up with me,
139
00:05:12,267 --> 00:05:13,834
but, uh, I can see
140
00:05:13,965 --> 00:05:17,403
that playing a game is...
is too big of an ask.
141
00:05:18,448 --> 00:05:19,536
Okay, we can play tonight.
142
00:05:19,666 --> 00:05:21,842
Yes! Oh!
143
00:05:21,973 --> 00:05:23,409
Pete, saddle up, baby!
144
00:05:23,540 --> 00:05:25,324
- Oh, no.
- Whoo!
145
00:05:25,455 --> 00:05:27,979
- Tonight we ride!
- Rrroo!
146
00:05:28,109 --> 00:05:29,850
We demand parley
147
00:05:29,981 --> 00:05:31,461
at once!
148
00:05:31,591 --> 00:05:32,810
Ugh, these fools.
149
00:05:32,940 --> 00:05:34,942
Oh, boy.
What's going on here?
Aah!
150
00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:35,856
She can see us.
151
00:05:35,987 --> 00:05:37,945
My God,
152
00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:40,208
what foul deal with the devil
hath provoked such a power?
153
00:05:40,339 --> 00:05:42,210
She fell down the stairs,
and when she woke up
154
00:05:42,341 --> 00:05:44,212
she could talk to
ghosts and animals.
155
00:05:44,343 --> 00:05:46,824
Uh, no. I'm not sure
where she got the animals thing.
156
00:05:46,954 --> 00:05:47,999
But I'm Samantha. Hi.
157
00:05:48,129 --> 00:05:49,522
Lieutenant-Colonel
Nigel Chessum.
158
00:05:49,653 --> 00:05:52,612
I've come to discuss
the unprovoked attack
159
00:05:52,743 --> 00:05:54,179
on our land.
I don't know
160
00:05:54,309 --> 00:05:55,485
if I'd say
this is your land.
161
00:05:55,615 --> 00:05:56,703
Yeah, give 'em hell, Sass!
162
00:05:56,834 --> 00:05:57,922
USA!
163
00:05:58,052 --> 00:05:59,967
USA!
Are you talking
about the door?
164
00:06:00,098 --> 00:06:03,275
This is about dignity
and decorum and...
165
00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:04,972
Yes, the door.
166
00:06:05,103 --> 00:06:06,800
We want it put back, and we
won't accept anything less.
167
00:06:06,931 --> 00:06:09,107
Sam?
168
00:06:09,237 --> 00:06:12,240
Have you seen
my yellow Decepticons shirt?
169
00:06:12,371 --> 00:06:13,503
Oh, I think it's in the dryer.
170
00:06:13,633 --> 00:06:14,939
Uh-uh, I checked.
171
00:06:15,069 --> 00:06:16,114
I'll come help you in a sec.
I'm just dealing
172
00:06:16,244 --> 00:06:18,203
with some British ghosts
from the Revolutionary War.
173
00:06:18,333 --> 00:06:19,596
Okay. I'll check the hamper.
174
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:22,773
Sorry, you were saying?
175
00:06:22,903 --> 00:06:25,515
Our barracks.
This affront shall not go un...
176
00:06:25,645 --> 00:06:26,907
Oh, fine, I'll-I'll do it.
177
00:06:27,038 --> 00:06:28,039
Pardon?
178
00:06:28,169 --> 00:06:29,649
I'll tell the contractor
179
00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:30,868
to put the door back on.
Anything else?
180
00:06:30,998 --> 00:06:34,480
Oh. Um, I...
181
00:06:34,611 --> 00:06:37,788
had sort of a lengthy diatribe
planned, but, uh, splendid.
182
00:06:37,918 --> 00:06:38,789
- Well,
183
00:06:38,919 --> 00:06:39,833
shall we get out of here, sir?
184
00:06:39,964 --> 00:06:41,661
Oh, yes.
185
00:06:41,792 --> 00:06:43,924
I suppose there's
no reason to linger.
186
00:06:44,055 --> 00:06:45,970
No other reason I can think of.
187
00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:48,189
Sam, I believe that shirt
that Jay's looking for
188
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,627
is in the hallway closet
upstairs...
189
00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:54,892
Lieutenant-Colonel Chessum.
190
00:06:55,022 --> 00:06:57,068
Captain Higgintoot.
191
00:06:57,198 --> 00:06:59,287
What, um...
what fortune prompts
192
00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:01,594
such an unexpec... pected visit?
193
00:07:01,725 --> 00:07:04,902
A... trivial matter,
now concluded.
194
00:07:05,032 --> 00:07:06,556
Hmm.I...
195
00:07:06,686 --> 00:07:08,383
do hope my presence,
though unexpected,
196
00:07:08,514 --> 00:07:10,429
is not entirely unpleasant.
197
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,736
Oh, no, I think it's fair to say
198
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:15,565
that your presence is the
furthest thing from unpleasant.
199
00:07:15,695 --> 00:07:17,088
Okay, am I nuts,
or is there, like,
200
00:07:17,218 --> 00:07:18,872
crazy chemistry
between these two?
201
00:07:19,003 --> 00:07:20,874
This has been going
on for centuries.
202
00:07:21,005 --> 00:07:23,486
Every year they find some reason
to "redraw the border"
203
00:07:23,616 --> 00:07:25,226
or "extend the truce,"
and neither one of them
204
00:07:25,357 --> 00:07:27,098
- ever makes a move.
- Mm.
205
00:07:27,228 --> 00:07:28,403
- Well, I,
uh, suppose
206
00:07:28,534 --> 00:07:30,580
I shall bid you adieu.
207
00:07:30,710 --> 00:07:33,408
Yes, yes,
and I shall bid adieu to you.
208
00:07:33,539 --> 00:07:34,453
Oh.
209
00:07:34,584 --> 00:07:35,976
What a droll little rhyme.
210
00:07:36,107 --> 00:07:37,282
Oh!
211
00:07:39,371 --> 00:07:40,851
Splendid.
212
00:07:40,981 --> 00:07:42,548
Well...
213
00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:45,812
I guess I'm not going
to fife myself out, am I?
214
00:07:45,943 --> 00:07:47,118
Oh, no.
215
00:07:47,248 --> 00:07:48,598
Baxter?
216
00:07:58,651 --> 00:08:01,219
- Well, back to the closet.
- What?
217
00:08:01,349 --> 00:08:02,786
To look for Jay's shirt.
218
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:05,440
Right.
219
00:08:05,571 --> 00:08:08,487
You cross the icy river
220
00:08:08,618 --> 00:08:12,404
only to find what nightmares
lurk on the other side.
221
00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:14,449
From forth
the darkness of the cave
222
00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:17,757
emerges an abominable yeti!
223
00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:19,280
Ha-ha-ha!
224
00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:21,021
Oh, not good.
225
00:08:21,152 --> 00:08:22,675
We probably should have
taken the mountain pass.
226
00:08:22,806 --> 00:08:25,069
Pete says they should have
- taken the mountain pass.
- Yeah.
227
00:08:25,199 --> 00:08:27,506
That's what we get for accepting
a map from a Frost Giant.
228
00:08:27,637 --> 00:08:29,682
Sass is second-guessing
the Frost Giant.
229
00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:31,336
Well, I'm not messing
with a yeti.
230
00:08:31,466 --> 00:08:32,555
I'm getting back
in the boat.
231
00:08:32,685 --> 00:08:34,121
And Alberta wants
to get back in the boat.
232
00:08:34,252 --> 00:08:35,906
Ooh, unfortunately,
233
00:08:36,036 --> 00:08:37,298
you turn
around to see
234
00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:38,865
that the boat has sunk
235
00:08:38,996 --> 00:08:40,127
into the icy river.
236
00:08:40,258 --> 00:08:42,086
- Oh.
- Escape...
237
00:08:42,216 --> 00:08:44,001
is no longer an option.
238
00:08:44,131 --> 00:08:46,917
Well, then combat it is.
239
00:08:47,047 --> 00:08:49,397
Sam, please tell Jay
that Gelvin Monkspear II
240
00:08:49,528 --> 00:08:51,530
has unsheathed his sword.
241
00:08:53,401 --> 00:08:56,448
Sam? A little focus?
We're about to be devoured
242
00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:57,754
by a ferocious beast over here.
243
00:08:57,884 --> 00:08:59,799
Right. Sorry, it's just,
it's been a few hours.
244
00:08:59,930 --> 00:09:01,671
So is the game
almost done?
245
00:09:01,801 --> 00:09:04,848
Well, I mean, this particular
session could be close to done.
246
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:05,762
This session?
247
00:09:05,892 --> 00:09:07,677
What do you mean?
Doesn't somebody win
248
00:09:07,807 --> 00:09:09,113
and then, like,
we're done?
249
00:09:09,853 --> 00:09:10,854
No.
250
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:12,420
This isn't Candy Land, Sam.
251
00:09:12,551 --> 00:09:13,465
Dungeons & Dragons
252
00:09:13,596 --> 00:09:15,728
is not a game that just ends
in one night.
253
00:09:15,859 --> 00:09:18,035
Every campaign is
a multi-chaptered quest.
254
00:09:18,165 --> 00:09:20,341
They could last months
or even years.
255
00:09:20,472 --> 00:09:21,691
Years?
256
00:09:21,821 --> 00:09:22,866
That's what makes it so fun.
257
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,128
Now, where were we
258
00:09:24,258 --> 00:09:25,869
with that yeti?
259
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,611
A little too close
for comfort, I'd say.
260
00:09:28,741 --> 00:09:31,265
Repeat that for Jay. I think
he'd get a kick out of it.
261
00:09:32,615 --> 00:09:35,008
How about those Brits
stopping by, hmm?
262
00:09:35,139 --> 00:09:37,358
Probably won't have to see
them for another few years.
263
00:09:39,883 --> 00:09:42,625
Uh, I have to say,
though, that...
264
00:09:42,755 --> 00:09:45,584
that Nigel fellow seems
like a really good guy.
265
00:09:45,715 --> 00:09:49,632
Oh, well, can't say I agree
with his politics, but, uh...
266
00:09:49,762 --> 00:09:51,677
- he's a man of honor.
- Interesting,
267
00:09:51,808 --> 00:09:54,375
because you're also
kind of a man of honor.
268
00:09:55,725 --> 00:09:57,857
Well, the truth is,
is that there's a secret
269
00:09:57,988 --> 00:10:00,033
that I've been
keeping from Nigel,
270
00:10:00,164 --> 00:10:02,383
and to share it would release
an immense burden,
271
00:10:02,514 --> 00:10:06,126
but I have a feeling he is
not going to take it very well.
272
00:10:06,257 --> 00:10:08,563
Okay, I hear you,
but there's also a chance
273
00:10:08,694 --> 00:10:10,957
that something that seemed so
unthinkable all those years ago
274
00:10:11,088 --> 00:10:13,307
might not be a big deal now.
275
00:10:14,352 --> 00:10:15,309
You're right.
276
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,224
What am I so afraid of?
277
00:10:17,355 --> 00:10:19,009
I'm gonna do it.
278
00:10:19,139 --> 00:10:21,272
Really? You'll talk to him?
279
00:10:21,402 --> 00:10:23,753
Uh-huh. I'm gonna do it.
280
00:10:23,883 --> 00:10:25,102
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
281
00:10:25,232 --> 00:10:26,233
What do I wear?
282
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:29,584
Wait, no, can't change,
so itchy shirt it is.
283
00:10:30,629 --> 00:10:32,544
Break a leg!
284
00:10:32,675 --> 00:10:34,633
Man...
285
00:10:34,764 --> 00:10:37,070
we were up so late
last night, huh?
Were we?
286
00:10:37,201 --> 00:10:39,725
Gosh, I was having so much fun,
I didn't notice.
287
00:10:39,856 --> 00:10:41,205
I could have
gone all night.
288
00:10:41,335 --> 00:10:42,075
You want to know
what my favorite part was?
289
00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:44,469
It was just getting to know
the ghosts a little bit.
290
00:10:44,599 --> 00:10:45,688
Pete? Are you kidding me?
291
00:10:45,818 --> 00:10:47,864
That guy is great.
I didn't think anyone knew more
292
00:10:47,994 --> 00:10:49,169
about '80s basketball
than I did.
293
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:52,564
Well, early '80s, and then...
294
00:10:52,695 --> 00:10:55,001
You know, if we're gonna get
to the fortress any time soon,
295
00:10:55,132 --> 00:10:56,742
we're gonna have to play
a few times a week,
296
00:10:56,873 --> 00:10:57,830
at least.
And each
of those sessions
297
00:10:57,961 --> 00:10:59,440
would last about...?Not long.
298
00:10:59,571 --> 00:11:02,052
- Five, six hours.
- Wow.
299
00:11:02,182 --> 00:11:03,967
Well, let me check my schedule.
Available.
300
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:06,360
And that could go on
for potentially years?
301
00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:07,579
Yeah.
302
00:11:09,059 --> 00:11:12,932
Jay, I don't know exactly
how to tell you this, but...
303
00:11:13,063 --> 00:11:15,326
the ghosts don't want to play
with you anymore.
304
00:11:15,456 --> 00:11:16,936
- Whaaat?
- What?
305
00:11:17,067 --> 00:11:18,546
I know. I'm sorry.
306
00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:20,723
But I thought they had fun.
307
00:11:20,853 --> 00:11:22,725
We did have fun.
What are you doing, Sam?
308
00:11:22,855 --> 00:11:24,117
Well, I guess
that not being able
309
00:11:24,248 --> 00:11:26,163
to move the pieces or roll...
310
00:11:26,293 --> 00:11:27,904
Some of them just got
- a little bored.
- Bored?
311
00:11:28,034 --> 00:11:28,905
That's not true.
312
00:11:29,035 --> 00:11:30,080
Okay.
Yes,
it's disappointing.
313
00:11:30,210 --> 00:11:31,995
I'm upset, too. I...
314
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:35,520
I love this game!
Those darn ghosts!
315
00:11:35,650 --> 00:11:37,435
Well, if they didn't like it,
then... they didn't like it.
316
00:11:37,565 --> 00:11:39,045
We loved it.
317
00:11:39,176 --> 00:11:41,091
- Liar!
Huh.
318
00:11:41,221 --> 00:11:43,006
I guess I'll just put
all this away, then.
319
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:44,137
You know, maybe we could watch
320
00:11:44,268 --> 00:11:45,356
a movie later.
321
00:11:45,486 --> 00:11:46,923
Yeah.
322
00:11:47,053 --> 00:11:48,968
Sure, that sounds fun.
323
00:11:49,099 --> 00:11:49,839
Hmm.
324
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,060
And I thought
the mindflayer
325
00:11:54,191 --> 00:11:56,497
would be the greatest monster
I'd encounter this week.
326
00:11:57,847 --> 00:12:00,197
Or the gelatinous cube.
That one was tough, too.
327
00:12:06,986 --> 00:12:08,727
So she just straight-up
lied to him?
328
00:12:08,858 --> 00:12:09,946
- Like it was nothing.
- We have to fix this.
329
00:12:10,076 --> 00:12:11,599
Last night was so fun,
330
00:12:11,730 --> 00:12:12,731
and I don't know
if you've noticed,
331
00:12:12,862 --> 00:12:13,950
but we don't have
a ton going on here.
332
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:15,212
Yeah, I just wish
there was a way
333
00:12:15,342 --> 00:12:17,301
we could talk to Jay directly
and set this straight.
334
00:12:17,431 --> 00:12:18,998
If only there was some way
we could get a message
335
00:12:19,129 --> 00:12:21,044
across the celestial plane.
336
00:12:24,656 --> 00:12:26,658
I think I have an idea.
337
00:12:27,702 --> 00:12:30,793
Uh, perhaps we discuss
338
00:12:30,923 --> 00:12:33,491
whatever it is you...
wanted to talk about.
339
00:12:33,621 --> 00:12:36,668
Well, well, the truth is,
is it's quite personal,
340
00:12:36,799 --> 00:12:39,410
and I've been keeping
a secret from you
341
00:12:39,540 --> 00:12:42,761
for, oh, 250 years.
342
00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:44,415
Oh?
I'm just
really nervous
343
00:12:44,545 --> 00:12:45,851
about how you're gonna take it.
344
00:12:45,982 --> 00:12:46,939
Well, I...
345
00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:49,028
think I might take it...
346
00:12:49,159 --> 00:12:51,117
just fine.
347
00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:53,032
Really?
348
00:12:53,163 --> 00:12:54,642
Oh.
349
00:12:54,773 --> 00:12:57,167
All right, here it goes.
350
00:12:57,297 --> 00:12:58,429
Nigel?
351
00:12:58,559 --> 00:13:00,387
Yes, Isaac?
352
00:13:00,518 --> 00:13:03,042
I killed you.
353
00:13:05,131 --> 00:13:06,045
Excuse me?!
354
00:13:11,485 --> 00:13:13,357
Hello, Officer.
355
00:13:19,015 --> 00:13:19,972
Oh, boy.
356
00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:21,713
Are you telling me
357
00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:24,498
the cowardly sniper
that took my life was you?
358
00:13:24,629 --> 00:13:27,588
Well, th-that was not at all
my intention.
359
00:13:27,719 --> 00:13:29,895
To have murdered in cold blood
360
00:13:30,026 --> 00:13:31,505
a fellow officer!
361
00:13:31,636 --> 00:13:32,550
My hope was to apologize.
362
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,944
I've had enough of this.
363
00:13:35,074 --> 00:13:36,293
Uh...
364
00:13:36,423 --> 00:13:37,468
Baxter?
365
00:13:39,122 --> 00:13:41,472
Oh, God.
366
00:13:46,956 --> 00:13:48,783
All right, no Sam in sight.
367
00:13:48,914 --> 00:13:50,350
Hurry up and do your thing.
368
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:03,233
Just a little
faster, buddy.
369
00:14:03,363 --> 00:14:04,712
I think Jay's
rinsing off.
370
00:14:12,938 --> 00:14:15,723
Lied about what?
371
00:14:15,854 --> 00:14:17,900
Seriously, dude,
this is gonna kill me.
372
00:14:18,030 --> 00:14:19,292
We've come too far, man.
373
00:14:19,423 --> 00:14:20,685
Fine.
374
00:14:27,039 --> 00:14:28,475
Hey, babe.
375
00:14:28,606 --> 00:14:30,129
Got a better
Internet connection,
376
00:14:30,260 --> 00:14:32,610
so now I can play D&D
with my boys in the city.
377
00:14:32,740 --> 00:14:34,699
- That's amazing.
- Yeah, and even better,
378
00:14:34,829 --> 00:14:36,744
one of the guys
had to drop out,
379
00:14:36,875 --> 00:14:38,398
so there's room for you
380
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:39,617
to join permanently.
381
00:14:39,747 --> 00:14:42,098
- No way.
- Super cool, huh?
382
00:14:42,228 --> 00:14:43,882
'Cause I know how much
you love playing the game,
383
00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:46,929
because that's what you told me.
384
00:14:48,713 --> 00:14:50,410
I know you lied!
385
00:14:50,541 --> 00:14:52,412
- But how? No, I didn't!
- Uh-huh!
386
00:14:52,543 --> 00:14:54,066
The ghosts told me.
And it was genuinely haunting.
387
00:14:54,197 --> 00:14:55,850
I was in the shower, I was nude,
388
00:14:55,981 --> 00:14:57,635
and then letters just appeared
in the steam!
389
00:14:57,765 --> 00:14:59,419
- Trevor.
- The ghost
390
00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:01,334
without pants
is watching me shower?
391
00:15:01,465 --> 00:15:02,509
Gotta love that.
392
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:04,642
Sam, why did you lie to me?
393
00:15:04,772 --> 00:15:06,644
I wanted to help you play
with the ghosts,
394
00:15:06,774 --> 00:15:08,515
but I really don't like
your favorite game.
395
00:15:08,646 --> 00:15:10,039
Why didn't you
just tell me?
396
00:15:10,169 --> 00:15:11,649
Because I didn't want
to upset you.
397
00:15:11,779 --> 00:15:14,391
And it just seemed easier
- to blame the ghosts.
- I don't care
398
00:15:14,521 --> 00:15:16,349
if you like playing the game
or not, okay?
399
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,351
Objectively, you should,
because it's awesome.
400
00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:21,050
But honestly,
I just miss my friends.
401
00:15:21,180 --> 00:15:23,356
I know.
And you have
this whole group of people
402
00:15:23,487 --> 00:15:25,532
that-that you can talk to
that I can't even see.
403
00:15:25,663 --> 00:15:27,708
So the other night when
we were all playing together,
404
00:15:27,839 --> 00:15:29,884
I actually felt like
I was part of the gang.
405
00:15:31,451 --> 00:15:34,367
The British are coming!
The British are coming!
406
00:15:34,498 --> 00:15:35,890
I do hear you.
407
00:15:39,503 --> 00:15:42,375
So I guess things with Nigel
didn't go so great, huh?
408
00:15:42,506 --> 00:15:44,464
No, Sam, they didn't.
409
00:15:44,595 --> 00:15:49,382
It has come to my attention
that I, an officer
410
00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:50,427
in His Majesty's
Armed Forces,
411
00:15:50,557 --> 00:15:52,255
was murdered
412
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:55,519
by the shameful American
war criminal Isaac Higgintoot.
413
00:15:55,649 --> 00:15:58,174
Wait, that was the secret?
414
00:15:58,304 --> 00:16:00,480
This horrifying breach of
decorum shall not go unpunished.
415
00:16:00,611 --> 00:16:02,308
We are taking the house.
416
00:16:02,439 --> 00:16:04,223
Well...
417
00:16:04,354 --> 00:16:08,314
if you insist that the time
for words has passed--
418
00:16:08,445 --> 00:16:09,707
just coming through--
419
00:16:09,837 --> 00:16:14,233
then, no matter the cost
in blood or treasure,
420
00:16:14,364 --> 00:16:19,151
my army and I will defend
this house to the bitter end.
421
00:16:20,979 --> 00:16:23,416
If it's war you want...
422
00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:25,766
then war you shall have.
423
00:16:25,897 --> 00:16:27,942
So be it.
424
00:16:28,073 --> 00:16:29,031
It's time for battle!
425
00:16:30,858 --> 00:16:31,772
Oh!
426
00:16:34,862 --> 00:16:36,386
Get out of here.
427
00:16:36,516 --> 00:16:39,693
- This is the war?
- I'm a pacifist,
428
00:16:39,824 --> 00:16:42,044
but even I would like to see
a little more action.
429
00:16:43,349 --> 00:16:45,569
Oh! Damn this
impotent existence!
430
00:16:45,699 --> 00:16:47,701
If I was alive,
I would wipe you and your boys
431
00:16:47,832 --> 00:16:49,181
off the face of the earth.
432
00:16:49,312 --> 00:16:50,791
No, you wouldn't.
You'd shoot me in the chest
433
00:16:50,922 --> 00:16:51,879
while I was reading my poems!
434
00:16:52,010 --> 00:16:54,491
Oh, wait. You already did that.
435
00:16:54,621 --> 00:16:55,753
Well.
436
00:16:55,883 --> 00:16:57,537
If we can't fight,
437
00:16:57,668 --> 00:17:00,279
then how the hell do we resolve
this invasion, hmm?
438
00:17:00,410 --> 00:17:04,327
If only there were some way
to simulate actual combat.
439
00:17:05,371 --> 00:17:06,807
What?
440
00:17:08,287 --> 00:17:10,507
Damn it,
I may have the solution.
441
00:17:11,856 --> 00:17:14,163
Okay, I don't really understand
what's happening here,
442
00:17:14,293 --> 00:17:15,990
but I'd just like to say
for the record,
443
00:17:16,121 --> 00:17:19,255
I am happy to solve all
future ghost conflicts this way.
444
00:17:19,385 --> 00:17:21,561
Okay, Pete,
you are now face-to-face with--
445
00:17:21,692 --> 00:17:23,085
- who's that guy?
- Oh, Jenkins.
446
00:17:23,215 --> 00:17:24,260
That's one of the
British ghosts.
447
00:17:24,390 --> 00:17:26,000
Okay, you find yourself
face-to-face
448
00:17:26,131 --> 00:17:28,002
with Jenkins' tiefling bard.
449
00:17:28,133 --> 00:17:31,136
Okay. Well,
then I unsheathe my moonblade
450
00:17:31,267 --> 00:17:33,660
and whisper the phrase
"swift defeat to my enemies,"
451
00:17:33,791 --> 00:17:35,923
thus marking him as a sworn
enemy, and giving myself
452
00:17:36,054 --> 00:17:37,838
an extra 3d6 damage.
453
00:17:37,969 --> 00:17:39,884
Gadzooks, this
is boring.
454
00:17:40,014 --> 00:17:41,581
Why would anyone play this?
455
00:17:41,712 --> 00:17:43,366
Okay. This is silly.
456
00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:45,150
Nigel,
457
00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:47,587
my killing you
was an accident,
458
00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:49,676
but not telling you about it
for the last two centuries,
459
00:17:49,807 --> 00:17:51,765
that was just plain wrong.
460
00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:54,942
And for that I'm truly sorry.
461
00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:58,598
Why didn't you
just say something?
462
00:17:58,729 --> 00:18:00,861
I-I was afraid you'd be mad.
463
00:18:00,992 --> 00:18:02,298
Oh...
464
00:18:02,428 --> 00:18:04,517
Isaac and the British commander
are making up.
465
00:18:04,648 --> 00:18:06,693
Aw, that's nice.
What did Isaac do?
466
00:18:06,824 --> 00:18:09,740
- He murdered him.
- Ooh, that is hard
to bounce back from.
467
00:18:09,870 --> 00:18:12,612
I can see why that might be
a hard subject to broach, but...
468
00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:15,659
how does one
even accidentally shoot another?
469
00:18:15,789 --> 00:18:17,008
Well...
470
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:21,143
I-I was really intending
to spy on you-ur camp,
471
00:18:21,273 --> 00:18:24,276
using a musket looking glass
that I had invented.
472
00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:26,974
Some people are calling it
the "Eyesaac."
473
00:18:27,105 --> 00:18:28,541
Like your name?
But with...
474
00:18:28,672 --> 00:18:29,673
E-Y-E at the beginning?
475
00:18:29,803 --> 00:18:32,676
- Yes. How did you know?
- Well,
476
00:18:32,806 --> 00:18:33,807
what else would it be?
477
00:18:33,938 --> 00:18:35,418
Simply brilliant.
478
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,289
I love it.
479
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:38,725
I mean...
480
00:18:38,856 --> 00:18:40,597
for an instrument of my demise.
481
00:18:40,727 --> 00:18:42,294
And I love you...
482
00:18:43,817 --> 00:18:44,905
...loving it.
483
00:18:45,036 --> 00:18:46,690
I love you loving it.
484
00:18:46,820 --> 00:18:49,997
We shall consider the matter
water under the bridge.
485
00:18:50,128 --> 00:18:52,565
The invasion is cancelled.
486
00:18:52,696 --> 00:18:54,785
- But we can keep playing, right?
- Yeah. Mama has
a fourth-level spell slot
487
00:18:54,915 --> 00:18:56,395
she's itching to use.
488
00:18:56,526 --> 00:18:57,440
Thank you
489
00:18:57,570 --> 00:18:59,398
for your gracious hospitality.
490
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,314
Until we next parley.
491
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:04,882
Baxter?
492
00:19:09,408 --> 00:19:10,409
A-About that,
493
00:19:10,540 --> 00:19:12,846
maybe it would help
keep the peace
494
00:19:12,977 --> 00:19:14,718
if we, um...
495
00:19:14,848 --> 00:19:16,459
parleyed more often.
496
00:19:17,808 --> 00:19:19,157
Interesting.
497
00:19:19,288 --> 00:19:21,986
Perhaps, say, we could walk
the grounds sometime
498
00:19:22,116 --> 00:19:24,031
to discuss the peace...
499
00:19:24,162 --> 00:19:26,382
among other matters.
500
00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:29,341
I'm... actually not...
501
00:19:29,472 --> 00:19:31,213
doing anything right now.
502
00:19:31,343 --> 00:19:32,866
Oh, uh, s...
503
00:19:32,997 --> 00:19:34,346
splendid.
504
00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:35,521
To the grounds.
505
00:19:40,700 --> 00:19:42,441
Uh, as you were, Baxter.
506
00:19:43,703 --> 00:19:45,488
Stand down.
507
00:19:49,361 --> 00:19:51,624
Okey dokey, conflict resolved.
508
00:19:51,755 --> 00:19:53,496
Cool. All right, well, I guess
we're done playing, then.
509
00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:56,368
No. Jay, D&D is not
one of those games
510
00:19:56,499 --> 00:19:58,414
that's just done
in an hour.
511
00:19:58,544 --> 00:20:00,416
It's a rich,
multi-chaptered campaign.
512
00:20:00,546 --> 00:20:02,461
It could last
for months.
513
00:20:02,592 --> 00:20:03,636
Are you serious?
514
00:20:03,767 --> 00:20:04,855
Do you really want
to keep playing?
515
00:20:04,985 --> 00:20:06,291
No.
516
00:20:06,422 --> 00:20:07,945
But I will, for you.
517
00:20:08,075 --> 00:20:09,425
Aw.
518
00:20:09,555 --> 00:20:10,991
Good. 'Cause I joined
that book club
519
00:20:11,122 --> 00:20:12,079
last year for you.
520
00:20:12,210 --> 00:20:13,603
All right,
let's roll for initiative!
521
00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:16,345
All right!20!
522
00:20:27,399 --> 00:20:29,445
Come on.
Guys, we're not doing this.
523
00:20:29,575 --> 00:20:31,577
This is not the new system.
524
00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:32,709
I really want to smell
some pepperoni.
525
00:20:32,839 --> 00:20:34,450
There is no way
that I'm writing "pepperoni."
526
00:20:34,580 --> 00:20:35,494
Seriously,
527
00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:36,843
this is super creepy!
528
00:20:36,974 --> 00:20:38,367
Are you guys
529
00:20:38,497 --> 00:20:40,412
still in here?
Please leave.
530
00:20:45,939 --> 00:20:47,811
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
531
00:20:47,941 --> 00:20:49,639
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
37759
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