Original subtitles

Did you hear about old Bob Cromer?

What about him?

Exhumed, mate.

What?

Grave robbed.

By who?

Nobody knows. Nighthawks.

Rumor has it he was buried with some of his best finds.

James I guinea. Medieval posy ring.

That Viking torc.

They came in the night and dug him up.

Unbelievable.

The things some people'll do for gold.

Poor old Bob.

Bet he never thought he'd end up on that end of a detector.

♪ Will you search through the lonely earth for me ♪

♪ Climb through the briar and bramble? ♪

♪ I'll be your treasure ♪

♪ I'm waiting for you ♪

♪ I'm waiting for you ♪

Now, the idea of what is considered beautiful

changes through time.

Like, well, back in the Tudor period,

you might've been considered really attractive.

You know, scrawny. The beard and the hair.

Stick a ruff around your neck,

you could've been one of Lizzy I's favorites.

Right, and how far back in time would you have to go

before you were considered attractive?

Oh, no, no, no. I...

My time is right around the corner.

Within the next couple of years, I reckon.

I'm gonna call it a day and head into town.

Said I'd drop by the library.

Sophie's meeting Peter to research that plane crash.

I can't get into it.

It's not old enough.

If it hasn't been forgotten, I'm not interested.

I'm on a different quest.

Oh, yeah? What's that, then?

Oh, I don't know.

My heart has followed all my days something I cannot name.

Blimey.

Yeah, I won't be able to rest

until I've danced the gold dance.

You're not coming, then?

No, got plans.

Oh, yeah? What are you doing?

Hmm?

Oh, uh, got to pop into Screwfix.

What have you gotten?

BOAT.

What, a boat?

Mm? No, B-O-A-T.

"Bit Off A Tractor."

What, haven't you heard that one?

Course I haven't. You just made it up.

Oh, it's an old one, that is. Like POACH.

Go on.

"Part Off A Combine Harvester."

Bullshit.

- Hi. - Hello.

- How are you? - Good.

Um, listen, thank you for helping me out with this.

It's all right.

I'm a sucker for a bit of research.

You're a what?

Doesn't matter.

Are any of the others coming down?

- Don't think so. - That's good.

Yeah?

Yeah, they were all so enthusiastic.

- Especially the main guy. - Terry.

I'm worried they'll be disappointed.

How come?

Well, even if we find the crash site,

I don't think there'll be much left of the plane.

Oh, we're used to not finding very much at the DMDC.

It's what we do best.

Me?

I'm in fruit and veg.

I'm in fruit and vegetables.

Did you know 90% of onions

are consumed in their country of origin?

Hmm.

There's hardly any international trade in onions.

What, this old thing?

Heh. Oh, thank you.

Well, I've had it for years.

Do I drive?

Well, you, uh... You might have seen that yellow car

parked up outside?

The, uh...

Yes.

TR7.

Do you know about them?

Well, I've, uh... I've actually done quite a lot of work on her.

Resprayed her Aztec yellow,

whereas the original would have been...

That's right. Mimosa yellow.

And you, uh...

Do you have a car?

Really?

What, the one in "Back to the Future"?

I've given myself a year off.

I was fed up with my job, so I jacked it in,

and I'm traveling for a year.

I wrote a list of things I want to achieve in this year,

and one of those things was to find

my grandfather's resting place and lay a wreath.

That's really nice.

I've been wanting to for a long time.

This year is the year for getting things done.

So, what else is on your list? Don't say bungee jumping.

- Catch a big fish. - Okay.

Fall in love.

Wait, isn't that on everybody's list all of the time?

Is it? I don't know.

Wasn't on mine for a long time. But I'm ready now.

I'm going to make a concerted effort.

Right, yeah, 'cause that's usually how it happens.

- Yeah? - Yeah, sure.

I mean, you decide to fall in love,

you try really hard, and then you fall in love!

- Mm, you're being sarcastic. - Yeah!

- Well done! Very clever. - Thank you.

So, what qualities are you looking for in your new love?

- Sarcasm. - Ohh.

As discussed, the summer fair is going to be Dickens themed,

and I'd like all attending staff in Victorian dress if you would.

This costume hire company has a nice range.

Expensive, but worth it.

As I'm sure you're all aware,

last year Oakfield Lane Primary School

raised £5,000 at their annual fete,

and I'm determined we're going to beat that.

Um, could I ask you all not to double-park

outside the front of the school?

Mr. Dale had to get to Asda yesterday,

and he couldn't get out.

Well, where are we supposed to go, then?

I'm having to park further and further away and walk the rest.

You only live a mile away, Janet.

Exactly.

It's hardly worth me driving in at all.

We need to sort out some more parking spaces.

Hi.

Hey, Lance.

It's Andy.

Oh, yeah. Lance is the other guy.

Funny little guy.

Funny little guy?

Yeah, you know.

Hmm. How's it going?

Good, good.

We found a newspaper article, and Sophie's gone to get coffee.

Oh, great. Can I see?

This is from the morning after the crash.

There is no photo, and they just said it was near Henburystone.

Nothing more specific.

But it does say that the plane came straight down nosefirst

and pretty much buried itself in the ground.

And does it mention the crew?

Um...

No, I don't think so.

All right, well, I found a list of their names online.

It doesn't say what happened to them,

but it does say that they were all accounted for,

which I don't understand.

- Which was your grandfather? - Let me see.

Yeah, here.

Reinfried Schneider.

Hmm. Forward gunner.

Right.

Here's Sophie.

Andy, I thought you said you might not be able to make it.

Yeah, but I managed to.

Great.

Can I...?

Yeah, yeah.

So Peter showed me the article.

Yeah.

I'm hoping other papers might have photographs

of the crash site, so we should carry on looking.

Yeah.

It's quite a lot to go through, actually.

Right.

Should we just crack on with that then, or did you want to...

Oh, no, yeah. I'll... I'll let you crack on with that.

I've got some shopping to do, so...

- See you later. - Yep. See you.

- Cheers. - Cheers, Lance.

It's Andy.

Andy.

The residents of Whitehall Lodge are complaining that the parents

are parking their cars in the residents-only parking bays.

We must make sure that the parents know

they're not allowed to do that.

Similarly, parents are parking on the yellow zigzag lines

at the front of the school,

and we must make sure they know that they can't do that,

even if they're just dropping off.

Uh, any other business?

Frances.

Are we allowed to park on Meadow View Road?

It's just it doesn't say anywhere it's residents only.

But they're claiming the same parking restrictions

stretch around from Church Road

even though there aren't any, um, signs.

Well, if there aren't any signs,

it means there aren't any parking restrictions.

Right.

So can I park there?

Mmmpbht!

Becky?

Sorry. I have to go.

Hey.

I've just walked out of a stupid staff meeting.

'Cause they're all a bunch of small-minded idiots

who can only talk about how bloody difficult it is

to park their fucking cars!

Bloody hell, you sound furious. You all right?

Hang on.

Hang on a second, Becks.

It made me realize, Andy,

I really need to get out of here.

I want to talk to you some more about this VSO thing.

I think we should do it. The three of us.

You should hear Martin talking about it.

It sounds wonderful.

Andy?

Andy?

Sorry. Got distracted. I'll see you at home.

Um, I figure 20 years, that's not that vast, is it?

- Uh, I better take this. - Mm-hmm.

Hello.

All right, it's me. Where are you?

Oh. I told you... Screwfix.

Oh, yeah. I forgot.

Have they got a mariachi band playing?

Oh, yeah, I know.

Having a Mexican afternoon.

Uh, no, I just...

I forgot to ask whether you're going to the club.

All right. I'll see you there.

Oh, can you get me some masonry nails?

Galvanized.

Yeah, okay.

I'd better go. They're bringing out the piñata.

Adios.

Hello.

I'm in here.

All right, sweary.

Oh. Was I swearing a lot?

Yeah, an unnecessary amount, I'd say.

Oh, good God. I was just about to break.

I'd had all that I could take of their petty parking problems.

And their fete, for goodness sake!

You rapping?

No, I think it was just a fluke.

Say something else.

I want a change, Andy.

I want to get out of that school and try something else,

go somewhere else.

No, none of that really rhymed.

I wasn't trying to rhyme.

Oh, sorry. What were you saying?

Doesn't matter.

They can't fire you, can they,

for storming out of a staff meeting?

I didn't storm. I just left.

We'd really be up shit creek if you lost your job.

I want to show you this.

Don't hand in your notice just yet.

Oh, you'll never guess what I saw.

Looks like Lance has taken our advice to try Internet dating.

I saw him holding hands with a girl,

when he said he was going to the DIY shop.

Yeah? Nobody we know?

No, really young. Much younger than him.

- How young? - 20s.

They were in a café, didn't see me.

And they were holding hands?

Well, yeah. Touching hands, flirting.

He was adamant he wasn't gonna try it,

but I don't know how else he could have met her so fast.

Why don't you just ask him?

Nah. He can tell me when he's ready.

What's that? What's that?

That's a denarius.

Can you say, "Silver denarius of Marcus Aurelius"?

Nah.

Here it is.

It seems it came down so straight and so fast

that the hole sort of filled itself in afterwards.

Always fill in your holes.

Bad taste, Russell.

It was so deep, they just left it.

It looks like it's never been disturbed.

And look... this tower.

Yeah, that's St. Giles.

I can see this tower from where I park my camper.

Well, that's where we should start.

Can you tell where this photo was taken from?

It's hard to tell.

Yeah, you can only see the top of the church.

We should get down there and have a look.

Listen, Terry, if we find the site,

I'll need to apply for a license

of Ministry of Defence to dig it.

I was wondering if the DMDC could do that on my behalf.

It might look better coming from a club.

No problem at all, mate.

And here's an idea...

What if, when we locate the wreckage,

we have the annual rally on the site, eh?

Get everyone down. More the merrier.

Barbecue. Make a day of it.

Can I keep some of the wreckage?

Well, I don't know about that, Hugh.

I'll bring a wheelbarrow.

Hang on a second, guys. This is not what I had in mind.

I want to find the site, pay my respects.

I didn't necessarily want lots of people there.

We'll cordon it off.

Hello? Mr. Mayor?

Uh, could I have a word, Terry?

Certainly, Mr. Mayor.

Well, this is an honor, sir.

How may I be of assistance?

Uh...

After a bit of a favor, actually,

from you metal detectors.

Detectorists.

- Beg your pardon? - Doesn't matter.

Ah. Um, damnedest thing.

I seem to have mislaid my ceremonial chain of office,

and I thought maybe you could find it for me.

Absolutely no problem at all, sir.

I'll get a team on it straightaway.

Russell.

No, no. No, no need to... Silly to involve any...

Russell runs our new jewelry-retrieval service.

The mayor here has lost his chain of office.

- His what? - It's a ceremonial chain.

You know, shouldn't be too difficult to find.

Big, chunky thing.

I'll get Hugh.

No. No, no. No need to...

Hugh! The mayor's lost his necklace.

Hugh runs the jewelry-retrieval service with Russell.

They've had a lot of success.

Had quite a few stories in the local paper.

- You may have seen them. - No.

I have a scrapbook if you want to see it.

- No. - Oh.

Thank you.

I don't want to make a big fuss.

Silly to involve too many people.

So where did you say you lost it?

Uh, somewhere in the long grass or in the bushes

up near the car park by Barnfather Woods.

The car park near Barnfather Woods?

Yes. You know the one up... up there.

The place where all the cars go after dark?

I have no idea what happens there after dark.

I was walking my dog, and it got caught on a branch

and, uh, pinged off into the undergrowth.

Right, well, we'd better get up there, then.

In the bushes on the left-hand side of the car park.

- Okay. - Yeah.

Soon as you can.

Um, if we do manage to find it...

Yes?

All right to call the local papers down, take a photo?

For the scrapbook.

No. No.

You see, because, um... Because that wouldn't do at all.

I... I was gonna make

an anonymous donation to the club if you found it.

And I don't like to boast about my charity work,

so any publicity might prevent me from making such a donation.

Do you see?

Yes, I think so.

Fantastic.

There we are.

You ever thought about what kind of dance you'd do

if you found gold?

Oh, no.

It's bad luck to practice beforehand.

Has to be spontaneous. Yeah.

Yeah, I've... I've no idea what'll come out on the day.

But I imagine it'll be exuberant.

Not too exuberant, though.

Remember what happened to Derek Hoof.

Oh, yeah. Dislocated a hip.

It wasn't even gold in the end, was it?

- Milk-bottle top. - Embarrassing.

Hey.

- Morning. - Wotcha.

All right?

Ooh. Oh!

So this is it? The famous metal detector?

It's the CTX, yeah.

She was one of the first in the country.

I've souped her up a bit, fitted her with a larger coil.

Might give her another coat of wax midway through the season.

How does it work?

Jesus.

What's the "on" button?

Well... No, I don't really like to switch her on

so close to the car, overhead power cables.

It might overload the...

Ah, look at me. I'm gonna find some treasure.

No, well, you won't find anything here.

You haven't got it on the right...

Hey, hey! Wow!

It made some noise, guys. I found something.

Yeah, but it's on the wrong setting.

It'll probably be a drinks can, so close to the road.

It's just gonna be modern litter.

Give me a spade. This is great.

Come on, you don't want to dig it up now.

What's the reading?

35. Is that good?

No. It's iffy.

You know, it doesn't mean anything.

35?

Give me the spade.

Well, dig it up if you like, but you're wasting your time.

I tell you what. Maybe we should...

No way, man. This is my treasure.

Coke can.

- Told you, didn't I? - Yeah, you did.

I said it was a drinks can, didn't I?

- Unbelievable. - And you didn't listen.

- Unbelievable. - Ridiculous.

It's always the virgins.

- Yeah. - It's always the same.

The ones who go out the first time think they know best.

Would he listen?

What was it? A drinks can.

It was only ever gonna be junk.

Ha!

Is it true what Sophie's told me,

that Terry got blown up by a bomb last year?

Afraid so.

Threw him 40 foot in the air, he reckons.

Would have never believed the world of metal detecting

was so full of danger and peril.

Believe it, baby.

- Extreme sport. - Fast and furious.

Speaking of which, hold on to your hats, ladies and gents.

There's a Saxon round-tower church.

Boom.

Not much to go on.

We can walk in a big circle around it

and look out for features.

Yeah, right.

Call if you find anything.

Oh. Okay.

Well, this is our permission anyway, so...

Want to do a couple of hours?

- Go on, then. - See you in a bit.

Thought you were gonna pass out when he grabbed your detector.

Well, do you have a strum on Bob Dylan's guitar

without asking him?

No.

No.

A man's detector is like his...

- His what? - Woman.

Woman?

You know what I mean.

You don't touch another man's detector.

Or his woman.

Exactly.

Did you see the look on his face?

I thought he was going to cry.

You shouldn't have taken his detector.

I couldn't help it.

You don't mess with Lance's metal detectors.

He's got more than one?

Legend has it he has a false bookcase that pulls back

to a really secret cabinet full of them.

- Yeah? - That's what they say.

They're so weird. Why do you hang out with them?

They're not weird.

Yeah, they are. They're freaks.

You're relatively normal compared to them.

I like them. They're my friends.

I'm not too keen on Terry's idea

of holding the rally at the crash site.

It's supposed to be a special moment.

Oh. He means well.

It's just, once he's got an idea in his head...

Could you speak with him, try to make him change his mind?

I can try.

Thanks.

I didn't mean to insult your friends.

You're forgiven.

They are weird. That's why I like them.

Oh, God.

Who are they?

They look like...

Simon and Garfunkel.

- Opal Fruits. - Yeah.

Toffos?

Toffos, good one.

Spangles?

- Lazy. - Yeah, sorry.

So Becky said she saw you with someone.

In town.

Oh, yeah? Who?

Don't know. A woman.

Oh. When?

Tuesday, I think. Afternoon.

I don't know.

Uh, maybe it's the old lady from downstairs.

No, I think it was someone younger.

Well, Mrs. Morris looks young for her age.

- Well, how old is she? - 93.

Definitely someone younger.

Message from Sophie.

"S and G alert. Heading your way."

What's an S and G alert?

Hello there!

Old friends.

Indeed.

Been a long time, hasn't it?

It has.

Lot of water under the bridge.

Troubled water.

Pardon?

Troubled water that the bridge is over.

We just bumped into Sophie and her boyfriend.

I don't think they're a couple.

Ooh! Did I touch a nerve?

No.

They told us about the plane crash.

They told you?

He did, yeah.

Plane crash, granddad. Mm!

Very moving story.

What are you getting at?

But is that the real reason, hmm?

Or is there something else?

Something you're hoping you might find?

The first one.

- Really? - Really.

You don't need metal detectors to lay a wreath.

Oh, wise words.

We wanted to see you, actually. To thank you.

We have formed a brand-new club.

- That so? - Yes.

You did us a big favor when you absorbed

some of our less-committed members.

Allowed us to streamline.

We are now a highly efficient unit

comprising a dozen or so elite detectorists.

What are you called?

The Dirt Sharks.

- Eww. Really? - Yuck.

And what's wrong with the Dirt Sharks?

Sounds a bit, you know...

- Aggressive. - Invasive.

I don't think so.

- Predatory. - Predatory, yes.

Sharks are highly efficient hunters.

And you, with your metal detectors,

are like sharks swimming not through water,

but through dirt,

and hunting for metal instead of food?

Yeah. Exactly.

Oh, yeah, that's good, that is.

Yeah, it works. It's good.

Well done.

Yeah.

So, what, are you, uh, looking to share our permissions?

'Cause you got two hopes of that... Bob and no.

It's amazing.

Why is it I understand so very little of what you say?

'Cause you're as thick as two short plonks.

- Planks. - You're welcome.

Come on, Paul.

Don't...

What a mallet.

Why are they here? What do they think they know?

Phone Sophie.

Make sure Peter knows not to say anything else.

Tell him to keep schtum.

Sound of silence.