Original subtitles

What's going on?

Dang it!

Anybody catch that missing hamster yet?

Henry's war on technology continues.

Maybe he's Amish.

[coins clattering]

Why can't I get my candy?

Who is messing with the wires on my foot bath?

It's been a long week and I need to soften these corns.

We are dealing with an insatiable rodent.

He got me too.

Don't try to relate to me.

[Patel] Found him!

[mouse squeaks]

Come on, Henry! That's my breakfast.

♪ [vocalizing]

Hey, y'all. I have some important news.

I need everyone to put your hands together

for Templeton Dudge, who just finished his last day

in the probation room!

Ohhh!

Good to be back.

Oh, look at this. So much...

...change, man.

You were gone two-and-a-half weeks.

That's right, my man did a two-and-a-half week stretch

in the big house.

But then he got sprung early because he's nominated for

Animal Control Officer of the Year!

[cheers]

Wait, why?

-Excuse me? -[Emily] I'm so sorry.

That sounded harsh. What I meant was, err...

How?

I guess the powers that be saw my heroics when I rescued

Mama Rose's bear cub from the mineshaft.

That was my rescue. Those were my heroics.

That team effort was all mine.

Not according to the media coverage

and the campaign materials that T sent out.

Probation room has a printer and mini muffins on Thursdays.

And several officers who installed

illegal toilet cameras.

Every toilet cam is illegal. Everyone knows that.

Now, where's the two-three at?

-Uhh! -[cheering]

Dinner tomorrow, MacGregor's, 6:00 PM.

-Your treat. [cheers]

Congratulations.

An Animal Control Officer of the Year nomination

is a huge honor.

Thank you. Frank, thanks for watching

my desk while I was in the clink,

but Daddy's home.

Ugh. As long as we're ignoring facts,

I choose to ignore you referred to yourself as Daddy.

Ahh, good to be back.

Hey, Victoria.

Don't talk to me.

Come on, Frank, you know a win for anyone

in this precinct is a win for us all.

This is not a win for us all. This is a nightmare.

Worse. At least in my nightmares I die at the end.

If Templeton wins, they're gonna give him my job.

Templeton would be the worst boss.

He'd probably make a lactation room

and then be all weird about it.

-Yeah. -Yeah, his sexual harassment

training would just be how to do more of it.

I think I have a solution to avoid this dystopian future.

I get nominated and win the award instead.

Why do all of your fixes involve personal glory?

Guys, my plan has something for everyone.

Emily keeps her gig,

Templeton doesn't win,

and I get to bask in his misery.

Plus, the personal glory.

-Plus that. -Okay, well,

whatever we decide to do, we have to keep it

within this circle. The roof crew.

Okay, so what's the plan? How do we get Frank the nom?

We could break up a fighting ring.

Oh, dog fighting.

Oh, cow fighting. I hear that's the new one.

I love that. I'm also picturing you walking out of

an animal testing facility, carrying baby monkeys

in full faces of makeup.

-Slay. -[Frank] Nope.

It's gotta be bigger.

Something people have tried but never accomplished.

I'm talking about the EGOT of animal control.

Wait, you're not suggesting...

I am.

Tomorrow I'm gonna save 24 animals in 24 hours.

-Whoa. -A Jack Bauer?

Wait, who's Jack Bauer?

The show 24.

I don't... know it.

Jack Bauer was a hero who kidnapped, tortured,

and murdered all within a span of 24 hours.

I'm going to do the animal rescue version of that.

-[Shred] Is that even possible? -It's insane!

A guy came close in 2013.

He fell asleep,

drove his truck into a flower stand.

The crime scene smelled exquisite.

We're gonna have to set up shifts to keep Grandpa awake.

Would a grandpa have stayed up all night

watching the debut of MTV?

I can side-channel with dispatch

and relay all calls to Truck 12.

Use channel 8 on the radio so Templeton

and his lackeys can't hear.

That's what we do when we wanna make fun of you-- uh, people.

[Patel] When we wanna make fun of people behind their backs.

Shut up. Everybody be cool. She's not in the circle.

Hey, boss. You're late for your work/life balance webinar.

Oh, that can wait. We're... working.

You're doing a Jack Bauer, right?

I heard you, it's a pretty long walk across the roof.

-Bettany's in the circle. -Yep. Come on in.

-Yeah. -[Victoria] So, I will do

whatever it takes.

I just have a hard out to see Twilight.

The 20-year-old vampire movie? Explain yourself.

It's a special midnight showing.

I bought tickets months ago. I won't apologize for who I am.

Okay, the most important thing is that this stays

between the six of us.

The future of our precinct and our very lives depend on it.

Yeah, I really think you should go to that webinar.

That's a whole lotta trucker buddies.

Yeah, no stopping.

I can hit up to 45 miles per hour

with very little spillage.

All right, for this to be official,

we need a picture of you with the clock at the start.

7:00 AM to 7:00 AM. You got this.

In five seconds. Four.

[chanting] Three. Two. One.

[Victoria and Patel cheer]

Woo-hoo!

Yeah!

He just drove past a stray dog, didn't he?

-[Patel] Huh. -I'll grab my catch-pole.

Yeah.

[countdown beeps]

[meow] There he is.

[Shred] Hey, buddy.

Yeah!

All right.

-One down, 23 to go. -Nice.

And she's a cutie, too. [cat hisses]

-Ow! -Ooh, she get ya?

-Yeah. -Here, let me see that.

All the way through the thumbnail.

Wait.

Is this your first bite?

Yeah, but it's no big deal. I think it's fine.

Ah, damn it. We gotta get you back to the precinct.

-Come on. -Wait. Why?

No time to argue. Every second counts.

-Wait. Why? -Save your energy. Run!

[cheering]

First bite comin' through!

[Patel] You did it.

Congratulationay.

Mwah. Mwah.

You're a man now.

Let's get you on the wall of pain. Huh?

All right, then we're gone. Clock's ticking.

All right. Say "Ouch".

Ouch!

So, what finally got ya?

Oh, it was just a little kitten.

Oh, yeah, buddy, that could get infected.

A cat's mouth is filthier than

a porta-potty at the county fair.

We're gonna need eyes on that bite.

-Ooh, Nancy! Hello. -Oh. Yeah.

Buddy, we're definitely going to the ER.

Don't worry.

I've been bitten tons of times. I'll show you the ropes.

Oncology's got soft-serve.

[Shred] But I can't go to the hospital, Frank needs me.

Sands, you're clockin' in early. Let's go.

Let's roll.

Hey, Frank.

I feel like I failed you today.

Don't be ridiculous. You fail me every day.

Right.

Where you screwin' off to, little mouse?

Is there a hunk of cheese I don't know about?

Shred's first bite. I'm taking him to the ER.

How'd he get his first bite?

I didn't hear a call over the radio.

Well, did you, uh, make sure your radio was on?

Because, uh, sometimes I'll forget to turn my radio on

and I'll miss hours of calls.

Gonna make me do it, huh?

Fine.

Callin' in my I.O.U.

Remember when you needed all those dogs

for the kennel groundbreaking?

-You owe me. -But this isn't I.O.U. worthy.

I guess we'll just have to tell Emily you took the company truck

for unauthorized personal use.

You can't prove that.

Vashon Island. Family camping trip.

Early August.

I-I-I had to take it.

I couldn't get through all that mud in my minivan.

-I... -Yeah. It is deep.

Not as deep as you'll be in it.

When Emily finds out.

There's no light in your eyes anymore, Templeton.

The probation room has changed you.

Okay, fine.

Frank's gonna try to catch 24 animals in 24 hours.

[groans] He's pullin' a Jack Bauer.

He's going after my nomination!

Can you just do--

No, no, no. It's good. He broke. He broke.

I am--

I'm cool. It's cool.

These raccoons have been squatting

in that lady's attic for months.

They picked the right day to move out.

They must hate Templeton too.

[radio beeps] Emily to Truck 12.

Guys, a missing cockatiel was spotted

on the 500 block of Rainier Avenue.

We're on it. Better go grab that bird

before you watch teen vampires bone.

Teen?

Edward Cullen is 104.

[tires squeal]

Whoa. You're pretty quick for a geriatric.

Oh, okay. Let's not make this more dramatic than it is.

Flair factors into nomination.

What? [cockatiel chirps]

What are you doing here?

Oh, just rescuing a cockatiel.

I found him beak deep in a Crunchwrap Supreme.

-This is our call. -We're all one team, Frank.

Remember what Emily said?

A win for anyone in the precinct

is a win for us all.

Excuse me.

Oh. Yeah.

Silly two-two bitches. [Daisy chuckles]

-Templeton's onto us. -I don't know how.

We took every precaution.

It's something I never do.

If they know we're doing a Jack Bauer...

that means somebody told 'em.

We have a mole.

I've never taken this many medicines at once before.

Is this normal?

-My record's 18 in one mouthful. -[Shred] Whoa.

[phone rings] Oh.

I'll get it.

Victoria! I'm treating Shred to my usual

post bite shake.

Doctor says he gets to keep his finger... for now.

-What? -[Victoria] That's great.

We got scooped by Templeton.

Which means we have a mole among us.

What? Bro... That is crazy.

Hey, square up the camera.

I wanna see who has fear in their eyes.

The only people who knew about our plan were on the roof.

So, let the accusations begin!

Okay. Hot take. I think Emily sold us out.

What? Emily would never lie.

Especially about something that might threaten her own job.

I'll say it.

I think it could be Shred.

He's got a weird work mom thing going on with Daisy.

For the record, I am not a fan of that dynamic,

and I've been actively discouraging her.

And I... I think it could be Patel.

He hasn't helped Frank at all today.

Well, that's because I'm sitting here helping you!

That leaves you, Sands. You've been undermining me

since the moment you got in this truck.

More like since the moment we met.

Oh my God. Wait.

No, it can't be.

-What? -I don't even wanna say it.

[both] Say it!

Bettany.

Bettany.

[Patel] She crashed our secret rooftop meeting.

Bettany loves Emily. That makes no sense.

But she's always on Emily's case about work/life balance.

Maybe she's trying to remove the work part altogether.

[sighs] Bettany, no.

Oh, it's a bummer.

Okay, I'll talk to you guys later.

[call ends]

I just got chills, man.

Chills, nausea, night incontinence.

Cat bites are no joke.

[countdown beeps] [goat bleating]

[Bettany] All right, what's up?

Victoria said you wanted to talk about

your Kiefer Sutherland thing.

Time for talking's over. Now you're gonna listen.

Okay.

Anything you wanna say to us?

So, you do want me to talk?

Don't make this harder than it needs to be.

Oh, you need to step back.

You leaked our secret mission to Templeton and to Daisy

and the whole--

Oh, my Go--

That was awesome. High five.

What was that sound?

-Frank FAFO'd. -Oh.

Okay. Um, so...

someone told Templeton and Daisy about the Jack Bauer.

And you suspected Bettany?

The woman who tracks my period on her phone.

How did you even come up with that?

Right. I guess, um,

we thought that maybe she was protecting you from burnout.

She has Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy energy.

-What? -I fell asleep during that one.

But I'm pretty sure it's full of double-crossing.

Frank, you are wasting your time.

And I sent you a call about a box of guinea pigs

on the side of the road.

I mean, you are not gonna find an easier rescue.

Oh, great.

There goes Templeton's boys with your easy rescue.

Okay, this ends now.

I don't know who the mole is,

but we know who he's reporting to.

-Bettany, wanna be my backup? -No.

Very good.

[Daisy] To my man T-Rex.

The two-three's soon to be officer of the year.

Let's eat.

Now, how structurally sound is this tower?

Because I'm about to Jenga a load-bearing crab leg.

Frank Shaw. As I live and breathe.

Your two worst qualities.

Chicken tenders at a steakhouse?

They're not on the menu. Chef makes them special.

[Frank] I'm on a tight schedule, so I'll make this quick.

There are two moles, the suspicious one

on your left hand and the one in my inner circle.

-I want names. -I call this one Cindy Crawford.

And for that other mole,

that's a mystery you'll never solve.

They gave me the whole block of parm!

[chuckles]

You.

It's not what it looks like.

I had to get a second job working here.

I'll be right back with your salads.

Are you kidding me?

They're way past the salad course.

I'm sorry. Templeton threatened my job,

and I need the money, Frank. I'm broke.

But you could afford a kilt.

It's Addy's school uniform.

I don't know how we're the same waist.

I hate myself for this, Frank.

You all make me sick.

I feel sick, too. But I'm powering through.

You've lost too much time. Might as well stay.

Good opportunity to hobnob with your future boss.

Well, now that I've plugged the leak,

nothing can get in my way.

Frank.

-[Daisy] Nuh-uh. -Ha!

Careful.

Floor's a little uneven here. I hate you all.

So disappointing.

Stay with your new team, turnkilt.

I've always wanted a clever nickname.

But at what cost?

-Ah! Ah! Ah! -Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.

-What? -What was that?

Sorry, I just thought the bunnies were

teaming up on me or something.

Okay.

I think maybe the cat bite really got to you.

-Hey. -Ah!

Oh, my...

Wait, why is Shred so sweaty?

Did I walk in on you guys doing it?

-No. -No! No, no, no.

Oh my God, also, such a good Edward.

No, he was like this when I walked in.

Do you wanna go back to the hospital?

Could we actually have this conversation

away from the crates of teeth?

Put your hands out straight.

-You've got the yips. -The...

The yips. I had them too, after my first bite.

Lhasa Apso. I couldn't sleep for weeks.

I need my sleep. I'm still growing.

Well, how did you get through it?

Frank helped me, with a mixture of

immersion therapy and insults.

But seeing as he's busy, got a long night ahead of you.

Okay. That was fun.

No, no, no, no. Victoria, please.

You-you can't go. I mean, look... look at him.

It's the 15th anniversary of the fourth film.

You go. I can do my job while avoiding animals.

Victoria.

Victoria.

Fine! Fine.

But if I see on Instagram that they did a swag bag giveaway,

I will bite you myself.

[bird squawks]

[countdown beeps]

14.

-How many is that? -You just said 14.

Okay, well, why don't you get off my back?

It's two hours after my usual bedtime.

You go to bed at 9:00?

-Why is Shred whimpering? -[Victoria] Yips.

Ah, it's all falling apart.

Shred has cat bite delirium.

Patel is dead to me.

Victoria's distracted by supernatural erotica.

-Yeah. -It's over, guys.

Might as well shave our calves now,

get ready for kilt season.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no, no.

You can't quit on me now, okay? I need you.

I-I-I'll ride with you.

Yeah? I'll keep you awake.

Oh, I'm losing you. Okay, um...

Just imagine Templeton's demonic grin as he wears

that Officer of the Year medal around his neck

for the rest of time.

You are the only one who can stop him.

-Come on, we need you. -You got this, man.

What do you say, Frank? Come on.

Oh, God.

-[Shred] Oh! -What'd I miss?

You agreed to complete the Bauer.

Yeah, I know that. Why don't you get outta my way?

Jeez.

[countdown beeps]

[countdown beeps]

[Emily] The cabin door creaked open.

There stood the counselor, with a knife in one hand,

and in the other hand...

her own head!

How'd she open the door?

I don't know, but it really happened

at the camp that I went to.

[phone rings] -Oh!

Uh... Dispatch. Go for Emily.

Yes. Great. We will be right there.

Golden retriever on the corner of 14th and Quincy.

Go, go, go, go!

[tires squeal]

Something's going on with this dog.

She's panting, shivering.

Mammary glands are enlarged.

I wish I had enlarged mammary glands.

Sorry, I am punchy. I'm actually happy with my body.

I'm also happy with my body.

Yeah, Frank. We-we know.

Ooh.

What do we have here?

What?

Frank's up to 23 animals.

What? How?

He picked up a dog that gave birth to five puppies.

[grunts]

All right, I had a straight flush.

Did anyone... anyone beat that?

[Victoria]. Okay.

We have to expose you to your fears

until you no longer have a panic response.

I feel better already, so let's just

leave this room right away.

No, no, no, no. Here's the thing, Shred.

If you can carry the cat that bit you,

you can do anything.

-Yeah. -She doesn't wanna hurt you.

-She doesn't? -No.

Just breathe.

-Breathe. -[Shred exhales]

[exhales]

[cat purrs]

[Victoria] Oh, isn't she precious?

[Shred] Aww.

And you're cured.

Yeah. I am.

This-this terror is a cutie again somehow.

So cute.

[Shred] Oh.

Hey. Not sure if you heard.

[both] Turnkilt.

Okay, so we're gonna be sticking with that nickname.

Good.

Safe to assume it was you guys who put

the canned tuna in my locker?

-T'was. -Yeah.

You should see what we did to your shower slippers.

Those were a gift.

Rain? Seriously?

I didn't take God for a Templeton guy.

We live in a world where Templeton exists.

There is no God.

All right, they said the lamb escaped from

the Woodland Park petting zoo.

I know I'm exhausted, but if I were a lamb,

where would I be?

[lamb bleating]

[lamb bleats] -That's him.

Someday that electrical box is gonna have a plaque

with my name on it.

Hi--

[Templeton on radio] Like a lamb to the slaughter,

I've led you to your own demise.

You're out of time.

Oh. Oh... okay.

Okay, we're--

[Templeton] I heard seams ripping.

Did you yank my head off? I'll never be silenced.

Okay, Templeton, you stop it right now.

This is your boss speaking.

Not for long.

Byyye!

Uh-- are--

Oh, wow. Oh.

I can't believe Templeton beat us.

We were so close.

I don't know, maybe Templeton should

just take over the precinct.

What?

I mean, he can't do any worse than I have.

I feel like I've completely flubbed this merger.

Coming from someone who hates himself,

you're being a little harsh on yourself.

Really? Because the precinct is completely

dysfunctional right now.

I mean, we have moles, secret factions.

I formed a roof crew.

That's pretty much a total leadership fail.

All right. For what it's worth,

I wasn't trying to stop Templeton from taking your job

just because it's Templeton.

You're a good boss.

You don't have to say that.

No, you put up with so much nonsense.

I couldn't do it. I'd probably murder someone.

Well, thank you. I could easily cry right now,

but I know you hate emotions, so I won't do it.

See? Good boss.

[rooster crows]

[vehicle approaching]

[tires squeal] [vehicle honks]

Yes!

Start the truck, Emily!

Wow! You-you did it!

No, we did it.

Okay, that...

last part probably should've come from me.

We got 26 minutes to get this guy back to the precinct.

My shortcut can get us there in 20.

Great, let's go!

[engine sputtering]

We're outta gas.

-What? -[Templeton] You fell for

the second oldest trick in the book.

When you were stumbling around that park,

Daisy drained your tank.

[Daisy] Sucked it right into my Civic.

[Templeton] Looks like another failure for Frank...

and the two-two.

[Emily gasps]

[rooster clucks]

[vehicle approaching]

[vehicle honking]

Is...

[tires squeal]

[rooster clucking]

You guys wanna win this thing, or you gonna sit there

stroking your rooster?

Cock was right there, Patel.

How did you find us?

Templeton and Daisy forgot to take me off the group chat.

Reverse betrayal.

Which erases my earlier betrayal, right?

No, it's an ongoing process. Out.

What? No, this is my mini--

-Out. -[Emily] You heard the man.

I don't under--

What are you-- Are you--

Wait. Hold on, guys. Hey!

The green's re-sodded.

Sand trap's refilled.

You did it, Howard.

This par four is the one you're gonna be remembered for.

[engine roars]

This is for not letting my Irish grandpa join your club!

Okay.

[suspenseful sting]

[car honking]

[countdown beeps]

[exciting music]

24!

[cheering]

-[cheering] -[camera shutter snaps]

[camera shutter snaps]

You want one with my shirt off?

Again, no, this is for your

Officer of the Year nomination photo.

Keep 'em wanting more. Good idea.

Yeah.

Congratulations, Frank. 24 animals in 24 hours.

I suppose you'll be a worthy candidate.

If you're nominated.

Hopefully none of your sexist posts resurface.

The Lindsay Lohan turns 18 countdown clock was my brother.

[Templeton] Liar.

You guys look so stupid.

Almost worth missing the screening.

This mustache feels right.

Who are you supposed to be?

Taylor Lautner. He doesn't wear a shirt.

I don't wear a shirt. Who the hell are you?

I'm baby Renesmee.

Okay, too much talking, not enough movie.

Wait, Frank...

you got a nomination.

-Officer of the Year? -Yeah.

-Oh! -[all cheering]

I got it? I got it!

[Patel] Yes!

I wish I had a shirt to rip off.

That's so great. Sit down and shut up.

Guys? Okay? We're starting the movie now.

Okay...

Just turn that on.

That's the--

Where is--

I'm gonna kill that hamster.