Original subtitles

? I was a normal girl Before my dad went missing

? Then his alien partner appeared

? You've got to save the galaxy

? There's a madman, Gore, you see

? You've got to stop him Now

? Whoa, whoa, whoa I'm just a kid, why me?

? And how?

? See that bracelet from your dad?

? It's got secret powers What's that?

? If Gore should get it That's the key

? To set my evil army free

? I'll gather my friends She's Agent 203

? Now she can protect the world

? It's Agent 203 Agent 203. ?

SMOOSH PANTING ULAV: Ooh!

THEY GRUNT

Smoosh! No! Stop! I thought we were going for a walk!

That's not a toy, it's the keycard to our alien tech locker!

And I left a can of splickner eels in there.

Yeah, Smoosh! It will get real stinky if we don't air the room out!

Agh!

Come on, come on. Smooshie, smooshie!

Agh!

Oof! SMOOSH PANTS

Well, that was...

Ahh... ahh... Ulav?

...choo!

Eurgh! Oh... Sorry!

This time of year,

Earth pollen really does a number on my allergies.

SMOOSH BARKS Let me... Smoosh!

ULAV PANTS

Eurgh.

What's that smell?

Ooh! My bowl of mayonnaise is done microwaving!

I threw in some ripe squid and berries for a little zest.

Want some? Eurgh!

I'll get you a spoon!

Finally!

Uh... Oh...

MACHINE BEEPS Oh.

Ugh!

That's bad, but it could've been worse.

ULAV AND SMOOSH MUNCH

Ugh! It's worse!

ALARM SOUNDS

Ooh! An alert! What is it, Ulav?

It's a transponder signal - an old one.

A million years, give or take.

Whoa. That's older than my math teacher!

So, it's like a GPS for aliens.

Is it dangerous? Nah. It's an old model.

Looks like some space explorers from a long time ago

left it on Earth to mark it for future travellers.

Luckily, it's still in sleep mode.

Probably only pings once every thousand years or so.

We should still dig it up, right?

We don't want to risk a big "Come to earth" signal

going out to every alien tourist in the galaxy!

Ha-ha. No, we do not!

We'll do it tonight, under the cover of darkness!

I'll go get the laser shovel. HE GIGGLES

Ew, Smoosh! Get away from that! SMOOSH GROANS

How many times have I told Ulav not to leave dirty dishes lying around?

And yeesh, that smell!

Yuck! SQUELCHING

Oh, ah! Ulav! Gross!

Why can't he use a tissue?!

Ugh, why can't I have a cleaner, more organised partner?

Oh, no, what'd he do now? Oh, nothing.

Can't blame a guy for allergies. I've just had a rough morning.

I shouldn't take it out on Ulav.

COMPUTER: 'Attention, Earth Sector Outpost.

'In response to your office's formal requisition,

'circa stardate 172508.1,

'IA Agent Ulav Valalalala

'has been granted an immediate, mandatory vacation.'

ALL: What?!

'A replacement will be arriving from Kormos Reticuli momentarily.

'Goodbye.'

Ulav's going on vacation?

And he's leaving immediately?

And his last name is Valalalala?

Someone say my name?

Ulav, you never said anything about going on vacation!

What are you talking about?

IA just called, they said your request for vacation was approved.

Oh, yeah! I DID request some vacation time...

...15 years ago!

Wow, they sure take their time, don't they?

Well, I guess I'd better start packing.

Has anyone seen my flarm pillow? I never travel without it!

ALL: Ah!

Salutations. I am Agent Jork. Which one of you is Ulav?

Agent Ulav, by the order of IA, I'm here to relieve you

for the duration of your absence.

Well, hello there, Jork! Very nice to meet you.

This is Agent 203, also known as Zoe.

And this is Quigley and Rock. They're, er... support staff.

Uh... Hm.

Eurgh.

LAUGHS NERVOUSLY Yes, well...

We should probably show you around...

Unnecessary.

You have been relieved and are now required

to immediately embark on your holiday.

Agent Ulav is ready for transport.

No, wait! My flarm pillow...

THEY GASP

Ulav! No! Have fun!

We didn't even get to say goodbye! Goodbyes are inefficient.

Hm. I see I have much to teach you about efficiency.

What? What are you talking about?

IA statute number 236 -

"Workplace decorations are forbidden."

"All surfaces must be free of distracting materials."

JORK STRAINS

Hey! Uh...

IA statute number 5225 -

"All hairstyles must be worn in such a way

"as to avoid obstructing an agent's vision." Huh?

Oh! Urgh! HE CLEARS THROAT

You did NOT just style my hair! Hey, hey. Urgh!

IA statute numbers 236, 525 and 563 -

"No unapproved music, lighting

"or instruments of merriment of any kind."

Urgh! Hey! Our tunes!

My Lavender Sunset candles!

That snow globe was a gift from Ulav!

I follow all of IA's statutes, and I expect my junior partner to as well.

JUNIOR partner?! Urgh!

Listen here, JORK, I don't take orders from...

Ah! What in the world?

Hm!

SMOOSH WHIMPERS IA statute number 42753 -

"No free-roaming aliens in work areas."

Smoosh! Let him go!

I will certainly not! Deal with this, uh... specimen.

Smoosh! Smoosh!

Oh, buddy!

Aw. Oh!

SMOOSH GROWLS Let's see what's in here.

I'm not gonna put up with this.

You might not have a choice, girl.

I've been looking up all these old statutes

he keeps talking about, and, well, it's just like he says.

What? Ulav never sweated every picky, outdated rule!

I get the feeling that Jork likes to do things by the book.

Well, he can take that book and... I knew it!

Agent Zoe, your partner, Ulav, was in dereliction of his duties.

What?! No, he wasn't! Yes, he was.

I see he received an alert

about a terrestrial alien transponder this morning.

Well, yeah, we were going to...

IA statute number 7780 - "No alien technology may be left

"in an easily accessible area on primitive planets."

ALL: "Primitive"?

We must retrieve the transponder at once. Follow me.

Jork, hey, you can't go out there in the daytime.

You're an alien! What if someone sees you?

Nonsense! I'm an expert in the official list

of IA-sanctioned disguises.

Observe! Perfection to the letter. ALL: Hm!

Why, hello, I am an Earth human.

I enjoy staring at my telecommunications device

and... polluting.

Wow, he's got us pegged.

Oh, brother.

Er... Oh...

Welcome to the Utopia Prime Relaxation Center.

You must be Ulav. IA informed us of your arrival.

Please, have a hot towel.

Er, thanks. Wow, this place sure is swanky.

We are the galaxy's most experienced practitioners

of the relaxation arts.

ALL: Come, let us pamper you.

I've got a good feeling about this!

DEVICE BEEPS JORK: Hm... Mm-hm!

Hm-hm...

We've arrived. The transponder is buried there.

DOGS BARK

Why would aliens leave a transponder here in a dog park?

It wasn't a dog park a million years ago, Rock.

Oh, right. Dinosaur park. Ha-ha.

Enough talking. We have a mission to complete.

Whoa, Jork, hold up. This place is packed with people!

We can't just dig up alien tech

in the middle of all these dogs and their owners.

We must. IA statute number 122 -

"Once a mission is started, it has to be finished."

But... We'll do our job, and we'll do it now.

I... DOGS BARK

Ah! Get if off! Ah!

Jeepers! Ah, I'm warning you! THEY LAUGH

Looks like you made some friends, Jork.

Agh! Hostile alien life forms! Get away!

Get away! LAUGHTER

Must not be a dog person.

Huh. Jork's species must smell like bacon to them.

Fair warning, IA statute number 93 sanctions me

to use a high-gravity ray on you if you do not cease!

ALL: Jork, no! You'll become so heavy

you won't be able to pick yourselves up!

DOGS GROWL AND BARK ZOE: No! But Jork, that's crazy!

SMOOSH: Hm! A-ha!

Huh? ROCK: Agh.

But what... What is he gonna do?

Oh! Agh!

Fluffy come back! Fluffy!

GASPS My force-field charm!

Activate force-field charm!

DOGS BARKING

Ha-ha! That's it, Smoosh! Yes!

Drive them nuts! Good boy!

It's working!

Agent, what are you doing?

I'm getting those dogs to do the digging for us. Whoa.

You won't be needing this, Jork!

This is not how things are normally done!

Is there a statute against it?

No. But that doesn't mean there shouldn't be!

DOGS PANT

DOGS BARK Hey, cool! Looks like they found it.

Perfect. Now to get everyone out of here. Play along.

Hey, Quigley, did you see that news story

about the toxic soil spores in this park?

DOG OWNERS: Toxic soil?! Oh, uh, yes, I did!

The soil in this park is practically poisonous!

Toxic soil?! Oh, no!

Oh!

After you, Agent. Hmph.

Now, can we just grab this and get out of here?

That's a negative, Agent.

Not until we've reviewed each of the regulations you skirted.

What regulations?!

IA statute number 6 -

"Junior agents must always defer to their superiors."

You are NOT my superior!

This isn't gonna end well.

I hope Ulav is having more fun than we are.

Your flarm is very tense, Ulav.

Ugh! Tell me about it.

Do not worry, we have special techniques for cases this severe.

Special...?

Oh! Oh, no!

Ah... Ah...

Oh... Ah!

Ah-ah!

Ah!

ULAV SCREAMS

Ah...

I need a vacation from this vacation... Ah...

You did very well for your first session.

Urgh... First...?

Yes, we'll do more sessions of increasing intensity

every 30 minutes.

Agh... You know what? This has been terrific,

but I, uh, think I left my electric toothbrush on back at...

Oh-ho-ho... Oh...

Oh... It is now time to soak in one of our famous mineral baths.

Huh?

Oh... well, I-I guess it could be worse.

Shampoo! OK...

Ow! My eyes!

It stings like wasps! Ah!

Oh! Oh! Ah!

Oh! Oh!

Wah!

Let me go! Let me go!

Do you hear that?

He's enjoying his stay so much that he wants us to let him go again.

I am glad.

Let's raise the temperature to give him the full experience.

What?! No! Hot?!

Ah! Too hot! Ah, ah!

JORK: Not to statute. Doesn't matter!

Does! Doesn't!

Agh! You know something?

Let's just take this thing back to base and...

Not so fast, Agent.

IA statute number 1337 - "Any recovered tech

"must be checked for danger in the field

"before returning it to headquarters."

Seriously? And get caught?!

Ah, it's OK, Zoe, we can make this quick.

I'll just run a scan. I'll do it!

But... I said I'll do it!

Uh... I... Let me see...

Uh... Oh! Nope.

Agh! Ugh!

Ah, there we go. Let's see.

OK, if I just, uh...

Uh, yeah. Hm...

HE MUTTERS

SOFTLY: I-I... Is it just me,

or does he have no idea what he's doing?

OK. I got it. Oh, grabnets!

Jork turned it on!

HORNS BEEPING

What... is... happening?! I was just about to ask you that.

Uh...

Uh-oh. Uh-oh?

I think I might know.

That transponder's been underground a long time.

Long enough that it's been exposed to tectonic shifts, solar flares,

magnetic-field vibrations...

Long story short, its wavelength generator's corrupted.

English, Q. When Jork turned that on,

he released a charge that's been building up for eons.

And that's bad how? It's sending out a signal

that will scramble GPS systems, air-traffic control,

satellite positions...

Anything that pinpoints locations.

Yeah, but that's not the worst of it.

Its sonic radius is large.

How large? It'll affect the whole galaxy!

Gah! Rock, go turn that thing off!

HE PANTS

Agh! Get away!

Come on! Get over yourself, Jork! We need to turn that thing off now!

Stop interfering! I know what I'm doing! I can do this!

Jork, I'm telling you, you gotta... Uh-oh.

Guys... it's happening!

Urgh!

This Dirwellian mud wrap will have you feeling refreshed and energised!

STRAINED: Can't... breathe...

MUFFLED GRUNTING

Oh, dear.

We might miss our shipment of fresh space leeches.

What? Why?

Something has caused all ships in the sector to drift off course.

The interference seems to be coming from Earth.

Oh! Oh...

What could possibly be on a backwater planet like Earth

that would cause such a disturbance?

Agh! The transponder! You have to let me go!

Ease your mind of stressful thoughts...

You don't understand!

We found some old tech on Earth, it must have been red charged.

Yes, yes, very interesting.

Now close your eyes and try to breathe...

You're not listening to me!

It's going to cause intergalactic chaos!

Try not to focus on impending doom.

Instead, shift your concentration to the soothing sounds

of Neptune's waterfalls... ULAV STRAINS

Gah!

He's getting away! After him!

He must rela-ah-ax!

BOTH: Relax... must relax.

So relaxing.

Hey! Get back over here! Oh-ho-ho!

I'm talking to you, Jork! Can't get me!

Enough! I'm ending this.

Huh!

Ah! Ah!

Huh!

Wow. They don't make 'em like that any more.

Looks like we're gonna have to blow it up.

Yeah... blowing up a charged transponder

could destroy the planet.

Ah, OK. So... let's not do that.

Zoe, look out! Whoa! What the...?

Oh-em-gumdrops.

Uh, what's going on? What isn't going on?

SATNAV: 'Turn left.' Whatever you say, GPS!

TYRES SCREECHING, HORNS BEEPING

SPLASH

The transponder's messing with everyone's GPS!

Watch out! JORK: Oh, no!

Give me that thing, Jork! Hey! According to...

Uh, this... this wasn't supposed to happen!

Oh, none of this was covered in the simulation!

Simulations?

Well, yes. Before arriving, I ran several mission simulations

so I'd be prepared for my first time in the field.

Wait, wait, wait - first time?

You mean you've never been on a real mission before?

I've been doing mission-critical work!

From my desk... in a cubicle.

ULAV: Zoe!

Ulav! You're back! Dude!

Agent Ulav?

This is an unsanctioned early return from your mandatory vacation.

I do not approve!

Nice to see you, too, Jork. Why didn't you just beam down?

I did! The transponder made me materialise two towns over!

But I'm here now, and I know exactly what to do!

We just have to... No! I will not stand by

and be party to this flagrant disregard of the rules!

IA statute number 2808 states that when neutralising rogue tech,

you must isolate said tech from any unpredictable parties.

And you people are nothing BUT unpredictable!

Good day!

Jork, no! After him, guys!

Which way did he go?

I didn't see him. QUIGLEY: Me neither.

A-ha! Ha-ha! They'll never find me in here!

Come into our beauty booth and see how you'd look

using our new and improved Hair Today Beauty Blast formula!

Where... is he? BOOTH BEEPS

Uh... Ooh! Will you look at that?

ALL: Jork!

ZOE: Ha! Thanks, gorgeous! Hey! You can't do that!

This is going in my report! ROCK: Give it up, Jork.

Yeah, go back to admiring your flowing locks.

OK, Ulav, now what do we do? Very simple...

Seriously? STATIC FIZZLES

Huh?

No way!

Well, why do you think it was in that airtight case?

Old tech like this can't handle even a bit of mud!

Put that in your report, Jorky boy!

HORN BLARES

WHIRRING

But... But how did you ever think to DO that, Agent?

Nowhere in the IA handbook does it say anything about using mud.

Yeah, well, Jork, the thing is,

when you're a field agent, you learn to do what works.

And that's not always in the handbook.

Yeah. I've never even read the handbook!

That is... a flagrant disregard of IA protocols!

I'll be reporting all of you for insubordination!

And I'll be reporting you, Agent 203,

for wilfully abandoning your mandatory vacation!

Not so fast, Jork.

Chapter 42 in the IA handbook, paragraph 977, subparagraph 38 -

"Early termination of an agent's mandatory vacation

"is permissible in instances of planetary distress

"within that agent's designated sector.

"In such an event, any substitute agents are required

"to return to headquarters for immediate reassignment."

JORK MUTTERS

Hmph!

Hm. Agent Jork, ready to leave Earth!

Wow. Jork sure was... a huge "jork". ROCK GIGGLES

What are you gonna do about his report?

This transponder's still got a few tricks up its sleeve...

like altering the wavelength of Jork's report

so it never makes it to IA, for example.

We missed you, Ulav.

PANTING: How... are we going to get through... this door?

We never found the keycard!

Cover me!

Rules have their place,

but sometimes, a little creativity is all you need to solve a problem.

I'm pretty sure I inherited that from you, Dad.

But Ulav? He's a master of it.

I hope he NEVER reads the handbook.

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