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Original subtitles

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven,

This school semester, which has felt especially long, will soon come to a close.

Once summer break begins, I'll bid a short farewell to the beauties of Ame-no-Kisaki.

I shall miss them dearly.

Say, what will you do when I'm not around?

Not around?

You've finally decided to part ways with this world?

Shut up! You'll jinx me!

I'm asking if you'll go back to the mansion this summer while I'm visiting my parents.

What's with that look in your eye like you're reading spam mail that says

"It's been three years since my husband was killed by a giant anteater"?

Girl, do you really think this is a break?

Huh?

Allow me to explain.

At Ame-no-Kisaki, special courses are held during summer break for those who wish to take them.

It's like, "If you're gonna take prep classes in the summer anyway, just come to school."

Every year, several students attend those courses voluntarily. However...

Notice on special summer courses

The following persons must attend special summer courses for all subjects: Miyamae Kanako of Class 2-A. That is all.

Notice on special summer courses

The following persons must attend special summer courses for all subjects: Miyamae Kanako of Class 2-A. That is all.

Notice on special summer courses

What the hell?!

Notice on special summer courses

I never heard of that!

How dare they do something so cruel?

The head supervisor will be the judge of that, Miss Failing-Every-Class.

The professors themselves must be wondering how someone this dumb was allowed to transfer here,

Miss Failing-Every-Class.

Miyamae Kanako

At the very least, your grades must have been good enough to let you pass the transfer exam.

How did you fall so low?

I told you, it was thanks to Buddy....

Marksheet Angel Buddy Age at Death: 2 years, 10 months

Wait!

If several students voluntarily attend summer school class...

Then I can keep working on my delightful harem of beautiful girls even over summer break!

Exuding secrecy, special summer courses...

Kanako's\h Delusional Theater

The Forbidden After Class Lesson

No, Miyamae. That's not how it goes.

To miss someone each and everyday of being parted.

√2 = 1.41421356

A forbidden after-class lesson!

The Case of Ishima Ryuken

That's right. I plan to stay and take special courses for every class.

Yes! Even Ryuken is attending the forbidden courses.

Exam period draws near.

Rather than an easily accessible vocational school,

I'd like to go on to a suitable university, one that can make my dreams a reality.

Huh...

The Case of Inamori Yuzuru

I think I shall at least attend the courses that I'm not good at...

If possible, I would like to follow in the footsteps of my father and work in a diplomatic position.

I would love to help spread the beauty of Japanese archery throughout the world.

Uh huh...

The Case of Tsutsui Honoka

I'm going to go home for a bit.

The foreign branch my father runs isn't doing too well, so I have to go back to my hometown.

Huh?

But I'll be back soon; I want to take as many courses as I can.

After all, learning is a student's duty.

That's right.

It's not like your life ends once high school ends.

Hm? The grasshopper has noticed the presence of approaching winter.

Who asked you?! You can talk all you want about your wonderful, sparkling dreams,

but the world is going to end in 2012.

It's a prophecy by the Incans or the Mayans!

You can pray for the near future all you want, but it's meaningless!

Live for the now!

At full force!

Full Force !!

Why couldn't the King of Terror have come and taken you away in 1999?

I want you all to be filthy sows!

Run

run

How do you do?

Lan

lan

An angel is passing by

Run

run

In a pretty bouquet

Nests the bee called love

Honestly, crazy love

Is paradise

Go, go, sparkling assault!

Disappointed, going down with the ship

Hey, people! Hey, people!

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

Fair maidens in the shade on a sunny afternoon

Tenderly ripening in a miraculous fantasy

Ah, my racing pulse!

I anticipate, anticipate, anticipate

I wait, wait, wait

Through this crimson squall

Honestly, crazy love

Is paradise

Go, go, sparkling assault!

Disappointed, going down with the ship

A pounding, grinding sadist

What a Beauty Parasite

One more time, sparkling assault!

Disappointed, going down with the ship

Hey, people!

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

Run

run

How do you do?

Lan

lan

An angel is passing by

Run

run

In a pretty bouquet

Maria Holic

Alive

In a pretty bouquet

Lan

lan

La!

Oink!

Sachi birthday to you!

Sachi birth—

Piss off.

G'bye!

Matsurika! That's a rather more forceful jibe than usual.

Polite jibes cost extra.

I was trying to channel Marilyn Monroe.

She must be turning in her grave.

Chapter 8

Sullied Innocence

Frozen from the body's core...

Fro—

Ah, tomorrow is Momoi Sachi's birthday, right?

What would be a good present?

I can't imagine why she would choose to have her birthday party at school though...

Sachi sure is popular, huh?

Well, that's because she is a compassionate person, generous and kind even toward industrial waste like you.

Smile!

Plus, she's crazy cute!

Smile!

What the heck is this?

Don't get your fingerprints on it!

You took creepshots of her?

That's the Sachi collection.

This is the Yuzuru collection.

This the Kiri collection, and this is the Honoka collection.

I compile them by girl.

You're a guy, so there isn't one of you!

Like I give a fuck!

You brought a camera to school?

Nope!

This music player can take photos without making a shutter sound.

This Story is a Work of Fiction.

Gomorrah!

Matsurika's jibes are getting progressively harsher!

Be happy they're only jibes.

I'm confiscating that.

How cruel! What did I do?!

Video voyeurism. It wasn't enough to burn them into memory, huh?

Oh well. I'll have to resort to my phone's camera to capture today's memories of Sachi.

Show at least a little remorse.

Dearest Mother, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hup in Heaven,

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven,

Your Kanako is so happy!

I'm sure this will make the perfect birthday gift for Sachi!

Sachi birthday to you. Sachi birthday to you.

Sachi birthday, dear Sachi Momoi.

Sachi birthday to you!

Is it Christmas or something?

It's a celebration of the joyous day Sachi was born into this world.

It's said that the number of students, including myself,

Sachi's Notes for Dummies\h\h

who have been helped out of dire situations by Sachi's notes is in the triple digits.

Kiri!

When the bath in Second Girls' Dorm broke down,

the drilling rig she happened to have helped us dig up a hot spring.

WhoooAA

It's thanks to her that God's skin is so smooth!

Dorm mistress!

She used a metal detector to find the engagement ring I'd dropped in the Sahara.

I have a feeling I've slipped back into the past, Miss Nishizaki!

She made the selfish king of my country become a good boy.

Who are you?!

Momoi Sachi...

Her kindness, knowing no bounds, envelops all.

Sure enough,

World's Nicest Kids

Smile!

one could say she comes in at third in the ranking of the World's Nicest Kids.

Third

Honoka!

Wait, what's this World's Nicest Kids rank—

Thanks to her, I was able to secure a purchasing route of keiji salmon.

Keiji?

Nandaro's

What are keiji?

They are a type of young, white salmon, caught mainly in Shiretoko or Abashiri.

It's a super rare, high-quality food item, with only one or two found in every 10,000 fished.

I smell money!

Everyone, thank you for throwing me another magnificent party this year.

Um, I wore myself out thinking of different ways I could express my appreciation,

but now that it's happening, I'm so moved that I don't know what to say.

fidget

Hang in there, Sachi.

fidget

Ah....

Ah......

Yuzuru is like a father watching protectively over his son at a school arts festival.

I always thought she was cute, but I never knew she was this popular.

clap clap

Sure enough, that's my Sachi.

What have you prepared, Miyamae?

Huh?

Oh, for a present? Actually...

Kanako.

Mariya?

Do you have a moment?

What do you want? Dragging me all the way out here....

Show me that.

What are you doing to my present?

I'm going to inspect what you've bought.

Just what might this be?

A Sweet Lil' Devil set.

I ain't askin' about the brand name!

Its furry bra will help cover up her delicious chest!

That ain't your concern!

This kind of cosplay stuff is pretty expensive.

I worked hard to save my lunch money...

Ah! What are you doing to my present?

Confiscating it.

Why?!

This is a rare item that can maximize Sachi's cute stats!

You lookin' to get buried? You dumb bitch.

Try picturing what it's like to have some perverted hobby forced onto you!

I'll do you a favor and take this away, so hurry and get back to the meeting hall!

No way...

Momoi, congratulations.

Here's a celebratory CO2 fire extinguisher.

Thank you, Nanami! I've been wanting an extinguisher for my electronic equipment!

Fan Belt

Steel Boar

From me, a fan belt and some engine oil.

Endo Tofu Shop (Private Vehicle)

Thank you! I was just thinking of overhauling the Panda Trueno of a certain Tofu store.

Endo Tofu Shop (Private Vehicle)

Endo Tofu Shop \h(Private Vehicle)

Endo Tofu Shop \h\h(Private Vehicle)

Endo Tofu Shop \h\h\h(Private Vehicle)

Endo Tofu Shop \h\h\h\h(Private Vehicle)

Endo Tofu Shop \h\h\h\h\h(Private Vehicle)

Endo Tofu Shop \h\h\h\h\h\h(Private Vehicle)

Endo Tofu Shop \h\h\h\h\h\h\h(Private Vehicle)

Endo Tofu Shop \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h(Private Vehicle)

Endo Tofu Shop \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h(Private Vehicle)

Endo Tofu Shop \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h(Private Vehicle)

Endo Tofu Shop \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h(Private Vehicle)

Endo Tofu Shop \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h(Private Vehicle)

Endo Tofu Shop \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h(Private Vehicle)

Endo Tofu Shop \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h(Private Vehicle)

Endo Tofu Shop \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\(PrivtVhcle)

Endo Tofu Shop

Momoi, you said you wanted a speed gun, didn't you?

Thank you! I've been wanting to measure the fastball of a foreign support pitcher.

And this is a sniffer dog.

Thank you! I've been wanting to look for pickled seaweed, which has been rather elusive lately.

I present you with this oil tanker.

Thank you! I've been wanting to go looking for crude oil!

Everyone's giving her such outrageous gifts.

My Sweet Lil' Devil set would have held its own.

That stupid Mariya.

But

But what do I do in a pinch like this?

I'm sure she would say "It's the thought that counts,"

H R M

but inside the hearts of everyone here, a swirl of critical voices would be screaming,

"Kanako, get a clue!"

They'd definitely be thinking that.

Kanako, you made it too. I'm so glad!

Such a beaming smile!

With things like this, it's time for my final strategy!

Sachi, happy birthday! Your present is me!

Her presents.

Tankers and fan belts and speed guns...

Everyone looked for the things that Sachi liked or wanted, because everyone likes her.

Because they wanted to see her happy face.

But was I like that?

Try picturing what it's like to have some perverted hobby forced onto you!

Dammit! That blasted Mariya makes a good point.

What is it, Kanako?

I didn't want to get serious here at the eleventh hour, but...

So...

So?

What should I do? I'm a little embarrassed.

Sorry. I couldn't get you a present.

Oh! Kanako?

Wait!

Sachi birthday to you... Sachi birthday to you...

Sachi birthday dear...

It's hot.

Come to think of it, Sachi is the one who's been the kindest to me at Ame-no-Kisaki.

I was so nervous on my first day, but she smiled at me and said, "let's be friends".

Smile!

And at the entrance ceremony, when my stomach was growling,

Growwwwwwl!

she secretly passed me some sweets.

Durian Drop

That was the first time I thought to myself that if I tried, I could make it here.

What should I do? I haven't repaid her at all.

Kanako, I found you!

S-S-S-Sachi!

I'm so glad. I've been looking for you.

I want to apologize again. I...

Thank you!

I got it. Your present.

Smile!

That's...

The forbidden Sachi album!

How...?

I gave it to her.

Mariya?

You wanted a way for her to recall the brief, once in a lifetime experience of being 16,

so you secretly carried a camera this semester, didn't you?

Having the lens hidden made for some very natural expressions.

You put this collection together,

but got embarrassed comparing it to everyone's lavish presents,

so you couldn't give it to her, right?

Huh?

Right?

Uh, y-yeah. Something like that.

Thank goodness!

Kanako, you took all these of me?

I didn't notice at all!

I-I was taking them in secret.

But I'm glad.

I'll treasure it.

No.

Come on, everyone's waiting.

Let's go back to the hall and eat some cake!

No. Please, don't be happy.

I don't deserve to see her smiling face like that.

Sachi, listen!

What would happen if you confessed?

You didn't have a proper present.

You secretly photographed her like a voyeur.

If you told her the truth, what would happen?

Would it make anyone happy?

Matsurika, that's a nasty way of putting it.

Repenting may as well make you feel better.

Momoi may as well forgive you with a smile.

But would it make anyone happy?

You need to learn that some misdeeds cannot be resolved by apologizing, Kanako.

Ame-no-Kisaki Second Girls' Dorm

Which is why, Miyamae Kanako, I give you these instructions!

Huh? Instructions? What are you...?

The crime of defiling Momoi Sachi is a grave one.

Thus, your speaking rights for the next episode have been revoked!

Put simply, next time, you will be a background character without any lines.

What?!

Dearest Mother, up in heaven,

Dearest Mother,

up in heaven,

Next time, an unimaginably shocking turn of events awaits your Kanako...

Chapter 8

Sullied Innocence

Don't just believe the rumors

My heart is still pure

I love living dream after dream

Perhaps tonight, holding a red rose,

I will dance with a beauty

Or perhaps, I will give

my passionate heart to my lover

To become a papillon?

To become a bloom?

The romance of the night, I leave up to you

Just for tonight,

just for tonight,

no one can stop us

To become a papillon? To become a bloom?

The romance of the night, I leave up to you

Just for tonight, just for tonight

no one can stop us

Maria Holic

Alive

Matsurika's Journal

Good evening. I am Matsurika.

What are you singing that for?

My apologies.

I am a young, common man, and could think of no other music for a wealthy household.

I ain't complaining about the song, you know.

Then allow me to present you "Spring" from Antonio Vivaldi's "The Four Seasons".

Snap

Don't go adding finger snaps to it!

Don't join in, Matsurika!

Don't add more frilly parts to it!

My dear brother, don't join those two in their shenanigans.

Let's hurry and trade summer assignments.

Oh, sorry.

I've got them right here.

Bwap

Huh?

Doooooon

What's the matter? This is your share from Ame-no-Kisaki.

Doooooon

Huh? Huh??

But Mihoshi-no-Mori only has this much.

Oh! I get it. It's a lie.

You're trying to fool me like always.

Would I go to the trouble of making all these fake assignments?

What merit is there in a lie like that?

Y-You have a point. I'm sorry.

Conversely, there are those who commit a crime of pleasure by telling a lie without merit.

Test and assignments.

As I recall, we agreed we'd still be responsible for them, right?

I was originally the Ame-no-Kisaki student.

I'll take care of these for you.

Excellent. That's my sister all right.

Out of gratitude, I will read some questions aloud to you.

Question 1

First question.

If God is reflected in a mirror, what appears?

Huh?

That's a riddle, right?

It's a word problem.

That seems a little like something from a Type 1 Public Servant's exam.

It's a riddle, right?

Quit dallying and answer it.

If God is reflected in a mirror...

If He's reflected in a mirror, He would appear inverted, right?

God read backwards is dog.

So the answer is dog, maybe.

I see. That makes sense.

Very well, second question.

Question 2

What is broken when its name is spoken?

This has got to be a riddle!

It's a word problem.

The answer is... silence?

Correct. You've hit your stride.

Very well, next riddle.

You just said riddle...

When does the order of the seasons go fall, spring, summer, winter?

P-Pass.

I have no mouth, but everyone parrots my words as the truth. What am I?

Uh?

Where do weeks begin on Friday?

What did the Kappa eat on March 3rd?

Which udon noodles are the longest in Japan, kitsune or tanuki style?

Who was the foreigner who ate Takuan pickled vegetables?

How many questions is that?

Clatter

You're only going to read them? How cruel!

Huh? These are your problems!

Yes, Mariya, you are cruel.

You two are, if you will, like an officer from headquarters and a soldier on the front line.

But neither is better then the other.

Their roles on the battlefield may differ, but both are indispensable.

Such is my metaphor.

I don't get your metaphor at all.

At any rate, I ain't being cruel.

To make up for this injustice, you're going to have to answer my riddles now.

What kind of logic is that?

Here I go!

First Question

First question!

Bread is bread and what else?

Whoa! "Bread" in Spanish is "Pan", so I was about to say, frying pan.

But for her to come at me that confidently, it can't be the same answer as the standard riddle

"What's the bread that can't be eaten?"

A foolish mistake, I'm being too confident. This riddle is missed often enough as it is!

75% of Japanese people confuse it for a standard riddle and answer "frying pan."

Shizu's face looks serious.

This is a real challenge!

Bread is bread. But what else?

Mariya's face shows such a determination.

There's no way he'll get it wrong now.

I have to trick him somehow, but...

It's like he can't come up with the answer!

It's like I can't come up with the answer!

What do I do?

Rindoh is clueless, so I can't rely on him.

But what about Matsurika?

She's got it, but has zero intention of helping!

Good luck! The only one you can count on is yourself!

Just what are you after?

Please wait.

Don't tell me, Rindoh...!

Yes. I know the answer.

I didn't beat around the bush; rather, I went straight down the middle!

Don't Cross This Bridge

Thus, the battle between the three fools escalated,

with night becoming dawn, summer vacation ending,

and the two of them missing almost enough classes to have to repeat the school year.

Don't blatantly lie just to come up with a punch line!

Matsurika's Journal

Bonus

I'm DJ Manhattan, your female trainer for gettin' the person you love!

Today, I'll teach you a trick to rope in that special someone.

You'll have to prepare wedding papers, a personal seal, and get your man dead drunk.

Your local ward office is open 24 hours!