Original subtitles

Failing grades in all subjects?

Just making things clear here: I'm not actually that stupid!

My dad was a strict man, who made sure that I studied properly and reviewed every day!

Then why ain't ya properly doin' it now?

Although I attended a remote, average school in the suburbs,

I at least managed to keep my grades (just) above average!

But if you study properly every day like you said, you'd have to really try to get those kinds of grades.

L-Look, it's not like I failed on purpose!

Ame-no-Kisaki's level is just too demanding, that's all!

You may find this surprising, but the city is full of Ame-no-Kisaki alumni.

For real?!

Are people in the city that smart?!

Still...

Being a friggin' IDIOT must really suck.

These are some pretty terrible scores.

You should study harder to preserve your legacy.

Legacy?

Your father wielded the teacher's cane here at Ame-no-Kisaki,

and I understand your younger sister attends a famous elementary school,

and your elder entered the particularly demanding California Institute of Technology.

Yeah, that!

For my sister to have gotten in, it must really be a second rate school, right?

Keep up with the foolish comments

and you might just find yourself replaced with a stuffed bear.

Huh? What are you talking about?

Huh?!

If you were the president, your entire cabinet would resign out of shame.

Listen closely, Kanako. Unbeknown to you, the California Institute of Technology

ranks amongst the top schools in the world for science and industry.

Industry

Science

Top Worldwide

No way! How did that idiot land in such a great place?!

Are you saying she didn't run off to some private, overseas university

because she was too dumb to get into a Japanese one?

I thought she was hanging out on the west coast, taking it easy!

I wonder how you came up with such ill-natured thoughts?

I misjudged you, Sister!

I thought she was a good-for-nothing idiot...

But I never thought she'd sink so low!

How could she use back channels to get into a university?!

I want you all to be filthy sows!

I want you all to be filthy sows!

I want you all to be filthy sows!

I want you all to be filthy sows!

I want you all to be filthy sows!

Run

run

ri

ru

How do you do?

How do you do?

How do you do?

Lan

lan

la

la

An angel is passing by

An angel is passing by

An angel is passing by

Run

run

ri

ru

In a pretty bouquet

In a pretty bouquet

In a pretty bouquet

Nests the bee called love

Honestly, crazy love

Is paradise

Is paradise

Is paradise

Go, go, sparkling assault!

Disappointed, going down with the ship

Hey, people! Hey, people!

Twirl

Hey, people! Hey, people!

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

Fair maidens in the shade on a sunny afternoon

Tenderly ripening in a miraculous fantasy

Ah, my racing pulse!

Ah, my racing pulse!

Ah, my racing pulse!

Ah, my racing pulse!

Ah, my racing pulse!

Ah, my racing pulse!

Ah, my racing pulse!

I anticipate, anticipate, anticipate

I anticipate, anticipate, anticipate

I anticipate, anticipate, anticipate

I anticipate, anticipate, anticipate

I wait, wait, wait

I wait, wait, wait

I wait, wait, wait

Through this crimson squall

Through this crimson squall

Honestly, crazy love

Is paradise

Is paradise

Is paradise

Go, go, sparkling assault!

Disappointed, going down with the ship

A pounding, grinding sadist

What a Beauty Paradise

What a Beauty Paradise

What a Beauty Paradise

What a Beauty Paradise

One more time, sparkling assault!

Disappointed, going down with the ship

Hey, people!

Hey, people!

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

WHOCK

WHOCK

WHOCK

WHOCK

WHOCK

WHOCK

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

Matsurika

Run

run

ri

ru

How do you do?

How do you do?

How do you do?

Lan

lan

la

la

An angel is passing by

An angel is passing by

An angel is passing by

Run

run

ri

ru

In a pretty bouquet

In a pretty bouquet

In a pretty bouquet

Maria

Holic

Alive

Lan

lan

la

la

La!

Oink!

Oink!

Chapter 5

Part 1

Sullied Sisters

California Institute of Technology is quite famous,

having produced 31 Nobel Prize winners since its inception.

Yes. Considering that less than 900 students make up its six fields of study,

it is, in terms of the student body, the most selective in the world.

It is also famous for managing the Jet Propulsion Laboratory,

which is involved in scientific developments for NASA.

There is no way such a splendid university would allow one to enter through back channels.

Maria†Holic wholeheartedly supports the California Institute of Technology!

BAM

BAM

BAM

BAM

BAM

BAM

BAM

BAM

BAM

BAM

BAM

BAM

BAM

BAM

BAM

BAM

BAM

BAM

BAM

Click

Kanako, I think you would do well to respect and learn more about the things around you.

There's just no way that's true!

My dumbass older sister can't really be that smart!

She talks about "quarks" and "particles" and "superstring theory", stuff that makes no sense!

Quarks

Particles

Superstring Theory

The only other thing she talks about is guys!

Honestly...

Why won't you accept your sister's talents?

That's not it! You don't get it. She's the idiotic one!

Enough. Right now, we have to concentrate on what to do about your failing grades.

Think a little about what you've done!

Ame-no-Kisaki pays our teachers an hourly wage,

and you've effectively wasted the time they spent on you with your indolence.

This is a grave matter!

Okay.

Slump...

Listen, you have to pass all of next week's make-up exams without fault!

Look!

This is a collection of make-up questions that each of the teachers made.

~LAST CHANCE! ON THE BRINK~

RE: MIYAMAE KANAKO'S FAILING GRADES

ULTIMATE WEAPON

EXERCISE BOOK

R-Roger.

If you get it, then go to the staff dormitory, thank them,

then hurry and start studying for your exams.

Roger!

Okay. That's all, dismissed.

Huh?! You're not goint to help me?

Huh?!

Huh?!

Huh?!

Huh?!

Huh?!

Huh?!

Huh?!

Huh?!

Huh?!

Huh?!

Huh?!

That's all, dismissed.

SLAM

Hngh...

Those guys are worthless.

Practice Hall

Ah, Shidoh. You're here.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Practice has already begun. Aren't you starting to become lax?

The only lax thing around here is your stomach!

Yamaki, no pinching! That's sexual harassment!

Komachi, you're here as well?

I'm a substitute for team competitions and inter-school meets.

She's an irremediable kid, but for some reason she has a great aim.

You're very good. It's been three months since you started archery, right?

The first time you'd even picked up a bow

was when you transferred to Ame-no-Kisaki from a different club, right?

Yes, Miss Tsumugi! I am a Mariya devotee, and entered the club just to be close to her!

What the hell are you saying in front of your captain?!

I also began archery after having entered Ame-no-Kisaki.

Huh? For real?!

I thought maybe you came from a family of archers,

and that you'd been doing it since you were young!

Yuzuru

I mean, your name is Yuzuru after all!

Yuzuru is written with the characters for "bow" and "string"!

bow

bow

bow

bow

bow

bow

string

string

string

string

string

string

string

I'm sorry to disappoint...

Friggin' Mariya!

Here I am, wondering where he's gone off to instead of helping me with my studies, and he's here, of all places?

Still, these beautiful young girls in their archery outfits gathered together,

giggling and chuckling with one another is truly a lesbomagnetic scene!

When we were overseas because of my father's work,

I was able to study the art of the rifle and the bowgun, as well as Western archery, but not Japanese archery whatsoever.

When I mentioned this, Satsuki, who was my dorm roommate,

sort of forced me to join this club.

Forced her to join?!

Delusional State

I see...

Inamori, so this is what you get off to when I'm not around.

Th-That photograph!

If you don't join the archery club,

I'm gonna show this embarrassing photo to everyone.

Oh, no!

What? Are you taking me for a ride?

HUH?

I mean, you're "Yuzuru," right?

Archery has to be the origin of that name, right?

Satsuki is being ridden?

So she's actually the bottom, and Yuzuru's the top?!

Delusional State

Satsuki...

Oh, Inamori...

Miyamae.

What are you doing here?

You're not studying for your make-up exams. We can't have that, now can we?

Did anyone else hear that?

Huh? Aren't you just imagining things?

HELP ME

Anyway, Mariya is the real veteran among us.

She got her third-degree black belt way back in middle school.

The teachers holding the promotional exam were all abuzz.

They were all excited about a pair of brother and sister.

They say your older brother at Mihoshi-no-Mori will be selected to represent his school.

Yes. Unfortunately, it seems he didn't make the team competition.

Brother and sister competing together, isn't it wonderful?

Gender makes no difference in archery, so you can enjoy it together.

Long ago, I did soccer with my younger brother.

At first I was better, but he slowly started closing the gap...

Finally I got sad and quit.

The two of us talked and decided on a competition we could keep up for a long time.

I'm jealous. My younger brother's been going through a rebellious phase.

The rare times I actually see him, he won't even lift a finger for me.

Even family can be a problem when the bonds are too close.

I think the two of you should remember to look at the big picture a bit more.

Ame-no-Kisaki Second Girls' Dorm

Huh?

Where the heck did she go?

The workbook is gone as well. Don't tell me she escaped?

Knock, knock.

Ka-chack.

Talking about Miyamae, aren't you? Rest assured.

You

Take a look.

You

TUG

You

You

You

You

You

You're the Chairman

Earlier, your God assumed chairmanship of the committee to deal with Miyamae's failing grades.

However...

I've increased her study time a little bit.

She needs to get back the study habits she had before she became lazy, is what God thinks.

Thus, I've sent Miyamae to a place

where time flows just a little differently from how it's normally perceived,

where she'll study for one whole year.

Huh?

She should be back here in a week. I anxiously await to see how much progress she's made.

Well, that's that.

Huh? But, dorm mistress...

It seems we can spend a week in peace.

Yeah. Maybe I should take a break and go back to the mansion.

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven,

It seems that the Second Girls' Dorm holds many secrets I don't even want to know about.

Perhaps we may meet again before this letter reaches you.

I look forward to it, should that be the case.

Signed: Shidoh Mariya

Signed: Shidoh Mariya.

'Sup! It's me, Kanako!

I thought I'd worked my tail off for 'bout a year, but it ain't been but a week, yeah?

Far out, man!

Nuthin' changed 'round here, huh? How ya'll been doin'?

Everyone! Gimme some of your study skills!

Shut up!!

Part 2

Mischievous Fingertips

Miyamae, welcome back.

Why don't you try showing us the results of your one-year—I mean, one-week study session.

You won't be disappointed, dorm mistress!

I tried expressing my feelings toward these make-up tests via calligraphy!

Class 2-A Miyamae Kanako ÉMIGRÉ

The heck is that?

The heck is that?

Wonderfully done.

Huh?

A bit old-fashioned, but it has a "pop" feel to it.

I think we can use this to mix dance and J-pop.

Yes! For the dance club alone, I was thinking we could expand by at least 14 members!

You've done well, Miyamae.

I look forward to your test results.

Matsurika...

It's no use. To be swayed is to lose, Mariya.

Still, there are wonders out there that deserve to be acknowledged.

whisper

psst

Something has been bothering me for a while...

My my, you certainly have grown since we last saw you.

Two centimeters, maybe?

Ah. Her height.

My hair is even longer!

Yes. Her height.

Kanako!

You've finally returned. Welcome back.

Who's that?

Ryuken?

From this to this

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

What happened?!

Your hair has gotten much longer in the one week you've been gone.

Or have you been to the salon? It is rather popular.

You have your make-up exams today, yes? Good luck. Let's all go celebrate once you pass?

Dear Mother in Heaven,

it seems these weren't the only changes that occurred during that week.

Good morning, everyone. Long time—

What's this?

It's Kanako! Welcome back!

The Queen returns to her throne.

Our charismatic designer, student council president Ayari Shiki, did some décoring.

She's been swamped with requests for her décoring skills.

Décoring?

Nandaro's...

Nandaro's...

What's décoring?

What's decoring?

|

"Décoring" means applying rhinestones or resin parts to cell phones and other small objects,

making them mad flashy. You can do it on ribbons or even sweets, ya dig?

I smell money!

Nandaro's...

We made an appointment for you too, Kanako,

but your turn came up while you were on vacation.

We couldn't go rummaging through your belongings, so...

So this is what you came up with, huh?

Look! I had my cell phone décored!

Ah. That's a pretty normal kind of cute.

I had a ceremonial arrow done.

Ceremonial arrow? Not a magical wand or something?

It sparkles, and can be used as a good luck ornament for New Year.

And Kiri?

Ah. Fine, I got it.

rattle

rattle

rattle

rattle

rattle

rattle

rattle

rattle

rattle

rattle

rattle

rattle

rattle

rattle

rattle

rattle

rattle

rattle

Whoa, this feels strange.

My make-up tests are in the afternoon, but right now I can't calm down at all.

The world can change this much in a single week?

You sure have changed in just a week!

Huh? I have?

Your hair is much longer.

And I feel you've gotten a bit taller...

To be specific, by two centimeters.

Two centimeters? It's more than that, isn't it?

No. Two centimeters.

Since it's suddenly gotten so long, I'd like to arrange or dye my hair somehow,

but I'm too clumsy to do anything with it.

Leave it to us.

That voice!

Honoka!

Cat's tail ringlet with soft curls

Parfait and sweets, twin tails of piled-high waves

Who are you?!

They have been named.

Ryuken Guard Squad, Member A, Hitosubashi Ei!

Ryuken Guard Squad, Member B, Habutae Mii!

Pleased to make your acquaintance.

I'd like to ask this just to make sure:

you are the two who are always with Honoka, right?

The very same.

Not Marie Antoinette?

Nope.

Kanako, don't you know about piled-up hair?

Nandaro's...

Nandaro's...

What's piled-up hair?

Nandaro's...

WHAT'S PILED-UP HAIR?

Piled-up hair was originally used by the so-called women of the night,

but recently has been adopted by girls looking to make a statement.

WHAT'S PILED-UP HAIR?

WHAT'S PILED-UP HAIR?

WHAT'S PILED-UP HAIR?

WHAT'S PILED-UP HAIR?

WHAT'S PILED-UP HAIR?

WHAT'S PILED-UP HAIR?

WHAT'S PILED-UP HAIR?

WHAT'S PILED-UP HAIR?

I smell money!

WHAT'S PILED-UP HAIR?

Uh, I did know that. But what's it doing at Ame-no-Kisaki?

By the way, Miyamae, it seems you're a bit lost when it comes to hairstyles.

Huh? No, it's just that I'm not brave enough to say "yes" right away without asking any questions.

There's no need for formalities!

O long-haired friend, how to style your hair each day is the ultimate dilemma.

Please leave that to me. I, the charismatic decorator of Ame-no-Kisaki, Tsutsui Honoka,

shall make your hair over with a gorgeous, piled-up do.

Twitch

Is something the matter, Miyamae?

Uh, no, no! N-N-Not at all!

What a strange girl.

What's with this dream-like situation?

Dream... Yes, a dream.

A fleeting dream, gone in the blink of an eye.

But even if it is a dream...

Please, God, let this happiness last even a second longer!

Aah, what an electrifying sensation! Having these sinful fingertips brushing my hair,

stroking the back of my neck so temptingly is to die for!

SPLRK

SPLRK

SPLRK

SPLRK

SPLRK

SPLRK

SPLRK

SPLRK

SPLRK

SPLRK

SPLRK

SPLRK

SPLRK

SPLRK

Kanako!

Ah! Her nosebleed is like a geyser!

DARK.

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven,

I heard this second-hand, but...

Apparently Honoka continued to do my hair up after I fainted.

Her reputation as a decorator is well-deserved.

Later, I attempted my make-up exams with this blood-starved body...

Decorations!

These decorations keep scratching and scraping my elbow!

It looks like I made it through them all somehow.

I never thought I'd have to do make-up exams for all of my subjects.

I'm home.

Welcome back, Kanako.

Ah, Ryuken! Are you going to work?

What do you mean?

Uh, nothing.

For you to act like that, it seems you made it through your make-up exams.

If you're free, would you be up for a little challenge?

Personal card games again? I'm glad this at least is the same.

Now's my chance!

I sacrifice Nakaoka Shintarou and engage Omiya! Sakamoto Ryoma of the rival deck is destroyed!

Ah! The Satsuma-Chosu Alliance combination!

I was just about to sacrifice Tsun and raise Saigo from the grave!

This one lets you learn about historic battles while having fun. We call it "The Dawn of Japan".

And an Event Card, Sword-Ban Decree!

Anyone not a soldier, policeman or wearing a full-dress uniform

will have their attack strength halved next turn!

GRIN...

You fell for it, Komachi. I launch my counter, Aristocracy!

In order to use this card, your opponent is required to have

either Sword-Ban Decree or Equality of All People in play.

Then I'll use my anti-Aristocracy card, Satsuma Rebellion!

Bam.

Ah! I brought Takamori Saigo back, but he fell on his own sword!

Kanako, the interesting thing about this game is,

no matter how hard the players try, they can't change history.

The Perry and the Black Ships cards are too strong, don't you think, Satsuki?

Shintaro Nakaoka has unprecedented versatility too, huh?

Unless they have stricter activation requirements in the next version,

What I have in hand was released just yesterday,

my deck's degree of freedom will be lowered.

the "Peace is Very Interesting" card!

Kanako, do you wish to duel me with my "Overthrow the Administrative and Civil Code" deck?

"So it's not a 'Warring States Period' deck?"

...is what I'd like to ask, but if I did, I think things would get pretty boring, so I'm gonna shut up.

Huh?! You're not going to ask?!

HUH?!

Nope.

Look, Ryuken, I'd love to challenge you and all, but I don't know the first thing about the rules.

Oh, I see. Kanako, you have no experience.

Will you allow me to instruct you then?.

I'll give you the blow-by-blow, so that everything will be as clear as possible. Okay?

Smile

Blow-by-blow? Mouth-to-mouth?!

Uh, th-th-that's something I'd definitely want now, right now, this instant!

Oh, but I don't have any cards.

The "learn-while-you-play" card game about historic Japanese battles is now on sale

from the Ame-no-Kisaki Sales Department.

Mariya!

The first official tournament will be held tomorrow at 9:00 AM in the cafeteria in the Second Girls' Dorm.

Please keep in mind that participation for all students in the Second and Third Girls' Dorm is mandatory.

The lowest-ranked student will be punished,

by being forced to marathon the entirety of the three-season series,

all 165 episodes on no less than 45 DVDs,

I speak of course of the long-running show "Legend of the Japanese Heroes".

All 4,370 minutes must be watched in one go,

not stopping even to blink, ad nauseam.

Ma'am! Whoever's on night duty!

Please open up! Please open the Sales Department!

Following that incident, after unblinkingly watching 4,370 minutes of anime,

I became somewhat knowledgeable about Japanese history...

Sell me some cards!

Chapter 5, Part 1: "Sullied Sisters"

Part 2: "Mischievous Fingertips"

Don't just believe the rumors

My heart is still pure

I love living dream after dream

Perhaps tonight, holding a red rose,

I will dance with a beauty

Or perhaps, I will give

my passionate heart to my lover

To become a papillon?

To become a bloom?

The romance of the night, I leave up to you

Just for tonight,

just for tonight,

no one can stop us

To become a papillon? To become a bloom?

The romance of the night, I leave up to you

Just for tonight, just for tonight

no one can stop us

Maria

Holic

Alive

Matsurika's Journal

Matsurika's Journal

Matsurika's Journal

Matsurika's Journal.

Matsurika's Journal

Matsurika's Journal

Matsurika's Journal

Matsurika's Journal

Matsurika's Journal

Matsurika's Journal

Hello. I am Matsurika.

I went with the latest fashion this Time and had my cell phone décored.

However.

I had them use real gems instead of glass spheres.

Matsurika's Journal

Bonus

Grandpa! Grandpa! What's a "realist"?

It's a destroyer of dreams, someone who preys on the young.

A sad creature for sure.

What's "Machiavelli"? What's "The Prince"?

As if we, the proletariat, would know of such things...