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Original subtitles

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven...

Now without further ado,

I would like to begin the trial of Miyamae Kanako,

who is being charged with assault against Yonakuni.

Oh, how did things come to this?

I want you all to be filthy sows!

Run

run

How do you do?

Lan

lan

An angel is passing by

Run

run

In a pretty bouquet

Nests the bee called love

Honestly, crazy love

Is paradise

Go, go, sparkling assault!

Disappointed, going down with the ship

Hey, people! Hey, people!

Twirl

Hey, people! Hey, people!

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

Fair maidens in the shade on a sunny afternoon

Tenderly ripening in a miraculous fantasy

Ah, my racing pulse!

I anticipate, anticipate, anticipate

I wait, wait, wait

Through this crimson squall

Honestly, crazy love

Is paradise

Go, go, sparkling assault!

Disappointed, going down with the ship

A pounding, grinding sadist

What a Beauty Paradise

One more time, sparkling assault!

Disappointed, going down with the ship

Hey, people!

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

WHOCK

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

Matsurika

Run

run

How do you do?

Lan

lan

An angel is passing by

Run

run

In a pretty bouquet

Maria

Holic

Alive

Lan

lan

La!

Oink!

The Captive Maiden

Episode 4

Today during homeroom, we'll be discussing the jury system.

You may think that this doesn't concern you youngsters,

but it's flat-out embarrassing to not know about a key proceeding of our society.

First, what is the jury system? Does anyone know?

Yes, Miss Kumagai.

Yes, go ahead, Tsutsui Honoka.

It's a system in which jurors are chosen at random from a pool of eligible voters

to participate in the judicial process.

The Jury System

That's right, Tsutsui.

And those chosen as prospective jurors will receive an envelope like this from the court.

Okay, you can sit.

Please Read

That's when obligation of confidentiality begins, so if a family member gets one of these,

you can't mention it on a blog or anything.

Thkk

Arrows?

But why here?!

Kanako, hang in there!

Get a grip, Sachi.

It's fine. Look closely.

"One arrow is easily broken, but not three in a bundle."

As the saying goes. How splendidly done!

Evading Reality

She's not fine at all!

Yuzuru, you need to get a grip!

You two shouldn't fall for such a childish stunt...

Kiri!

CRACK

They're not real. This trick is used all the time in haunted houses and movies.

No! No!

The way her neck is broken at an inconceivable angle is a trick too, isn't it?

Hey! Cut it out everyone! Stop bustling around like that near an injured person!

Ma'am!

In any case, take Miyamae to the nurse's office.

rustle

Opening\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h a letter

Momoi Sachi

Please read

Ame no Kisaki Girl's Dorm 2

This is...

Judge: Dorm Supervisor

Now without further ado, I would like to begin the trial of Miyamae Kanako,

who is being charged with assault against Yonakuni.

Victim: Mr. Yonakuni

Procedure No. 1

Reading the Indictment by the Prosecution

Prosecutor: Shidoh Mariya

The defendant, Miyamae Kanako,

stands accused of biting the buttocks and leg areas of the plaintiff, Yonakuni,

this past July 2, at 1:20 pm, resulting in injuries that will take a month to heal.

Um, were we called here as jurors?

Yes. We will deliberate on Miyamae's charges, and her punishment.

I believe the law states that cruelty against pets is regarded as property damage, not assault.

I don't see the need for deliberation.

Still, I never thought that incident would lead to this.

Video Evidence

But this is unexpected, isn't it? I didn't think Mariya would take the opposing side and go after Kanako.

Maybe Mariya actually isn't on very good terms with her.

No, you've gotten the wrong idea, Momoi. Take a look.

Shidoh wears the prosecutor's emblem on her shoulder.

Prosecutor's... emblem?

It's part of the sash that prosecutors must wear.

It represents the descending autumn frost and the blazing sun of summer.

In other words, the conviction of one determined to expose and denounce the crimes of another!

The fact that Shidoh has prepared herself to wear this, is something to bear in mind...

Incidentally!

The "ryu" of Ishima Ryuken stands for heroic stature,

and "ken" means determination, just and upright!

We're not interested in that part, Ishima.

NOPE

Also, Sachi, take a look at Mariya's eyes...

SPARKLE

Mariya doesn't wish to demean a valued friend.

It must have required a great deal of determination to be able to stand where she is.

I'm sure she blames herself.

To have been right there in the same room, yet powerless to stop Kanako's bizarre behavior...

EYE DROPS

Piece o' cake.

Procedure No. 2

Counterargument by the Defendant

U-Uh, I admit to the charges as presented, but I don't remember much about what happened.

Defendant: Miyamae Kanako

Sheepishly

Why I engaged in the alleged acts at that time is beyond me...

Sheepishly

Procedure No. 3

Questioning by the Prosecutor

So you're saying it was a sudden, spontaneous act?

If so, why did you aim to carry out this criminal act late at night, when the students were asleep?

Uh, well, I wasn't "aiming" for anything.

How can I put this? I was just so hungry, and...

Furthermore, we have testimony that the previous day,

you displayed violent behavior such as trying to forcibly seize your classmates' belongings.

No! That was...

Video Evidence

Objection!

OBJECTION

Procedure No. 4

Counterargument by the Defense

Defense: Shinouji Matsurika

The prosecutor's statement seeks to unjustly damage the defendant's character,

and has little relevance to this case.

Objection overruled.

Because the forelegs of the victim, Yonakuni, bear no defensive wounds,

it is clear that the accused attacked the unresisting plaintiff from the rear—

Objection!

OBJECTION

Yonakuni is a "mangy cur",

and as such was in no position to use his forelegs to defend himself, was he?

Objection sustained.

That being said, Yonakuni's footsies certainly are short, aren't they?

Matsurika is counsel for the defense, huh?

Yes. I'm sure such was at Mariya's behest.

She believes that Matsurika, her right-hand girl, could certainly...

She trusted that she could protect Kanako.

Say, Yuzuru, as jurors we are allowed to speak as well, right?

Yes, that should be the case, Sachi.

Procedure No. 5

Okay, it's the Jurors' Turn

Your Honor!

What is it, juror Momoi Sachi?

On the day in question, the defendant was very hungry due to having recklessly fasted.

Thus, couldn't it be that she left her room at night in search of food?

Sachi...

Ah, I see! So you're trying to say that perhaps the defendant saw Yonakuni as food?

Yes, your hono—

That explanation doesn't add up.

Nanami!

I have never heard of boxers assaulting cattle at a ranch while dieting.

Bear in mind, those are animals commonly eaten,

yet the animal in this case is a small dog, the taste of which is unfathomable.

Is that something one would want to take a bite into?

B-But at the time, Kanako had lost her ability to reason properly.

Even so, that is no excuse for violence.

Nanami, whose side are you on?!

I'm on no one's side. I simply want the truth to be made clear.

Nanami!

Nanami Kiri's Base Configuration:

Extremely bad at reading situations and people's emotions.

It is as juror Momoi Sachi says.

Blush

Matsurika!

The defendant had engaged in reckless fasting, and was in a state of extreme hunger.

Witness to the stand!

Procedure No. 6

Calling the Witness and Doing This and That

I'm Tonamura, the school nurse.

Witness: Miss Tonomura

True enough, Miyamae was brought to the nurse's office because of her unreasonable dietary behavior.

May I ask the witness a question?

I'll allow it.

When the defendant was brought to the nurse's office, was she not bleeding from the nose?

Come to think of it, she was...

Video Evidence

Do you remember the defendant's words at the time?

I think it was, "I'm surprised my body can still produce any moisture."

Meaning that perhaps hunger was not the only reason for the defendant's collapse?

The defendant frequently has nosebleeds.

Judging from the testimony just now,

we can assume the defendant had already bled a substantial amount that day.

Can we also not assume

her nosebleeds had something to do with her assault on Yonakuni?

In other words, she sought to replenish her extreme blood loss by attacking Yonakuni!

It can't be!

Blood from Yonakuni's buttocks?

You mean she's a genuine assassin?!

That's a pun, isn't it?

Objection!

OBJECTION

Sustained.

A-a pun?

I only sought to inject a little humor...

Objection.

Sustained.

SHOCK

Shock...

Very well, I shall call upon the next witness.

Witness No. 2: Shiki Ayari

I am Shiki Ayari, student council president.

A few days prior to the defendant's crime,

she mistook your rolled hairstyle for croissants, is this correct?

Yes. Indeed, Miyamae saw my hair and whispered, "There's a croissant right there! I can almost taste it!"

while reaching toward me, regarding me with hollow eyes.

That did happen, didn't it?

Still, no matter how hungry one is, how can one mistake hair for a croissant?

Ah! A perfect choco cornet there, of all places!

You're hungry aren't you, Miss Ishima?

I-I'm sorry. That was improper of me. I haven't eaten at all since lunch.

As you've just seen, if hungry enough, hair rolls can resemble croissants or choco cornets.

It was likely at the time of the crime,

the defendant simply saw Yonakuni's buttocks as a smoked turkey.

Just a moment.

If she indeed reached such a state of hunger,

why didn't she ask Shidoh, her roommate, for something?

You again, Nanami?

Good point. She always has tea and delicious snacks at the ready.

The dorm mistress and I have visited their room many times to procure them!

I-I don't think that's something to brag about.

But Kanako had already said she was on a diet,

Video Evidence

so she could have been too embarrassed to admit she was hungry.

Still, if that were the case, it would mean her powers of reasoning were intact,

and your theory is now invalid, Momoi!

"Ryu" means heroic stature!

Ryu

Ken

"Ken" means determination, just and upright.

Ken

Truth always prevails!

Aaugh! Another person who can't read the situation!

Aaugh!

Why is everyone so laid-back?

By comparison, Mariya's face looks so pained...

Aw, shit! If I don't bite my lip, I can't hold back the laughter!

Very well, I would like to present some evidence.

Procedure No. 7

Pass Around Some Evidence and Do This and That

That's...!

Call the witness.

Witness No. 3: Tsutsui Honoka

Tsutsui Honoka of Class 2-A.

Tsutsui Honoka, you are well-versed in seafood, so let me ask...

Do you know what this is?

It's expanding seaweed.

This "expanding seaweed" was found in a bag inside the defendant's room.

Expands More-and-More Seaweed

Made in Japan

In other words, the witness had food in her room at the time of the crime.

Furthermore!

Seaweed is low-calorie. It's the perfect food for someone on a diet.

Yet even though that expanding seaweed was in her bag,

the defendant went out in search of food. Don't you find that a bit strange?

Well, what do you say, Kanako? The situation is not in your favor.

GRIN

Will you wait for a guilty verdict, or...?

No way! What's he doing here?

Your Honor, I would like to present some evidence as well.

My bag?

Indeed. This was what held the expanding seaweed.

It was put away deep in the defendant's closet.

As you can see, a rather eerie lifeform has taken up residence inside this bag.

What's more, it has taken a liking to Kanako!

Very well. Allow me to present this mysterious life form as a new witness.

Procedure No. 8

The Arrival of an Unexpected Witness

On the night of the incident, did the defendant open the bag you inhabited?

Put simply, the defendant did not eat the expanding seaweed on the night in question.

Her hunger having reached its peak, she ventured down the hallway.

Yonakuni mistook the defendant for an intruder.

Objection!

Conjecture on the part of the defense!

Procedure No. 9

A White-Hot Debate

Objection overruled.

Please continue, counsel.

Very well. In other words, Yonakuni, in his role as guard dog, attacked Kanako,

in response to which she acted in self-defense.

Silence please, Yonakuni.

I see. Friggin' Matsurika wants to play this off as straightforward self-defense.

In that case, I have an idea of my own...

I see. Yonakuni is, if only in name, the guard dog of the Second Girls' Dorm.

It is conceivable that he would bare his fangs against an intruder to protect us residents.

However, the fact he was grabbed from behind

means we can assume the defendant was already free of danger.

Furthermore, considering that Yonakuni's buttocks and leg areas were bitten,

wouldn't you agree that such acts are too violent to be considered merely "self-defense"?

So that's your plan, Mariya?

It's not over, Matsurika.

You can still make this interesting, right?

This situation has taken a dramatic turn.

What do you mean, Ishima?

Up until now, this had hinged on whether the violence was sudden or premeditated.

But now, taking advantage of the fact that Yonakuni can't speak our language,

the point of contention has moved to whether Kanako's actions were self-defense.

That's Shidoh and Deus Ex Machina Matsurika for you.

If it is established that Miyamae acted in self-defense, she will be cleared of all charges.

That's right. There'll be no point in arguing; this will be regarded as property damage.

I was worried for a while, but I'm relieved now that you're acting rather calmly, Ishima.

"Ryu" means heroic stature!

"Ken" means determination, just and upright!

I'm sorry, it seems I spoke too soon.

If Kanako has ever been bitten by a dog, they'll turn it to their advantage.

Yes. Now all we can do is wait and see if Kanako realizes Deus Ex Machina Matsurika's strategy.

Good luck, Kanako!

What should I do?

This anime just started its second season, but I'm standing out less than ever!

It's normal that people would go, "Huh? Mariya is the protagonist of MariHoli, right?

"After all, the full title is 'Maria†Holic."

That's a dangerous situation to be in, so my lack of presence right now is pretty bad!

But really...

This is no time to be getting wrapped up in petty concerns, Kanako.

Huh? You're reading my thoughts?

Your situation as the main character is dangerous enough as it is.

With you being labeled a criminal, the program runs the risk of being canceled.

Criminal

Program? Canceled? Criminal?!

Wait a minute. So if I'm found guilty here, I'll go to prison? Meaning...

Girl prisoners!

A female prison, that renowned and rumored-of Sapphic paradise.

I've had nosebleeds over various girl-on-girl fantasies before,

but I'd never thought of that one!

Ahh, girl prisoners!

Older women with an array of charming techniques!

Shadowy-yet-beautiful delinquent cuties!

Not to mention humiliating body searches by the beautiful prison guard!

I'm sure there's more we out here in the free world can't imagine,

event after unfolding event!

Female prisoners turn me on!

But hang on a minute, Kanako. Calm down.

True, female prisoners are appealing. But wouldn't it be a bit too hardcore?

Also, if I become a criminal, it would be a terrible blow to my Mother in Heaven.

But if I lose this chance, I might never get to experience female prisoners again!

A long prison sentence would be terrible, but just about two weeks would be perfect.

Ah! I could get a job as a warden at a girls' prison over summer vacation!

Yes, that's another option! Getting a job as a warden!

GRIN

What's with that leering grin?

Don't tell me he's going after the protagonist top spot!

While I'm off working as a warden, away from Ame-no-Kisaki, he's going to take over the show?

Even though the glorious second season has just started?!

I can't let that happen!

I, Miyamae Kanako, am not so sweet as you may think!

If that's Mariya's strategy, I'll just have to use my trump card!

Your Honor!

Actually, there's something I've been keeping secret...

But now, I would like to make that secret known!

My my, is that late already?

Is that Kanako's alarm clock?

Yes!

God, in a suitably Lordly manner, set it for 6:30.

Well, God shall now be leaving to watch a certain show that airs at 6:30 on Sundays.

CHAK!

And absolutely no one can interfere with God's once-a-week enjoyment.

You all settle this on your own. Let's go, Yonakuni.

Huh?

What about the revealing of my secret?

Moreover, what about Yonakuni's injuries, which were supposed to take a month to heal?

Uh... How shall we handle the verdict, members of the jury?

Procedure No. 10

Deliberation

Any objections if we make the charges "property damage" in accordance with Japanese law?

After all, it was a pet.

Any objections if we make the charges "property damage" in accordance with Japanese law?

After all, it was a pet.

And it's decided

So her sentence is...?

Leave that to me. I foresaw this outcome and have already made preparations.

Preparations?

D-Don't tell me...

Miyamae...

Animal abuse? Just what is this?!

Nyarlathotep!

What is it, Miyamae?

Why do you speak the name of a fictional deity from the Cthulhu mythos?

His name being unpronounceable, it is rendered as either Nyarlahotep or Nyarlathotep,

though personally, I prefer Nyarlathotep.

That, however, leads to the problem of, is it "Cthulhu," "Ktulu," or even "Xulu"?

Though I believe the spellings in Lovecraft's work represent the correct pronunciations!

Thus, Yonakuni Trial No. 1

came to a close...

Thus, the First Yonakuni Trial came to a close...

What is it, Miyamae?! We still have things to discuss today!

Now come with me. Until you repent, I shall...!

As punishment, I was taken to Father Kanae's sermon room, where I was shown Hell till morning

As punishment,

I was taken to Father Kanae's sermon room, where I was shown Hell until morning.

A-At last, my room.

What's this, you're back already? Did Father Kanae give it to you hard?

That's a dirty way of phrasing it!

Was he gentle with you?

Th-This is turning into sexual harassment.

Still, I feel sorry for you. Our exams are today, but you're all worn out.

And you have yet to study for them.

Huh?

huh?

Exams?

Exams.

Starting when?

Starting today.

No way!

Thus, I became the first student in Ame-no-Kisaki history to get failing grades in all subjects.

21:20 Emergency Session Re: Miyamae Kanako Getting Failing Grades in All Subjects

I even achieved the feat of having an emergency session called in the faculty room...

Episode 4

The captive Maiden

Don't just believe the rumors

My heart is still pure

I love living dream after dream

Perhaps tonight, holding a red rose,

I will dance with a beauty

Or perhaps, I will give

my passionate heart to my lover

To become a papillon?

To become a bloom?

The romance of the night, I leave up to you

Just for tonight,

just for tonight,

no one can stop us

To become a papillon? To become a bloom?

The romance of the night, I leave up to you

Just for tonight, just for tonight

no one can stop us

Matsurika's Journal

Matsurika's Journal.

Matsurika's Journal

Hello. I am Matsurika.

I am not unfond of that TV show that airs on Sundays at 6:30 pm.

God and I always view it together intently.

Matsurika's Journal

Bonus

Ah, so you're named Honoka. My name is Jyubey.

You hold the power to become the worst psycho bitch in history!

So make a contract with me and become a magical girl!

It will, of course, be free.

Now then, hurry and sign right here.