Original subtitles

Yonakuni...

Aren't you getting a little chubby?

Really?

That's funny, the bit under your chinny-chin-chin seems a bit plumper than it used to be...

If you keep fattening up like that...

Someone may decide to eat you...

The tail comes last, but first comes...

I want you all to be filthy sows!

I want you all to be filthy sows!

I want you all to be filthy sows!

I want you all to be filthy sows!

I want you all to be filthy sows!

Run

run

ri

ru

How do you do?

How do you do?

How do you do?

Lan

lan

la

la

An angel is passing by

An angel is passing by

An angel is passing by

Run

run

ri

ru

In a pretty bouquet

In a pretty bouquet

In a pretty bouquet

Nests the bee called love

Honestly, crazy love

Is paradise

Is paradise

Is paradise

Go, go, sparkling assault!

Disappointed, going down with the ship

Hey, people! Hey, people!

Twirl

Hey, people! Hey, people!

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

Fair maidens in the shade on a sunny afternoon

Tenderly ripening in a miraculous fantasy

Ah, my racing pulse!

Ah, my racing pulse!

Ah, my racing pulse!

Ah, my racing pulse!

Ah, my racing pulse!

Ah, my racing pulse!

Ah, my racing pulse!

I anticipate, anticipate, anticipate

I anticipate, anticipate, anticipate

I anticipate, anticipate, anticipate

I anticipate, anticipate, anticipate

I wait, wait, wait

I wait, wait, wait

I wait, wait, wait

Through this crimson squall

Through this crimson squall

Honestly, crazy love

Is paradise

Is paradise

Is paradise

Go, go, sparkling assault!

Disappointed, going down with the ship

A pounding, grinding sadist

What a Beauty Paradise

What a Beauty Paradise

What a Beauty Paradise

What a Beauty Paradise

One more time, sparkling assault!

Disappointed, going down with the ship

Hey, people!

Hey, people!

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

WHOCK

WHOCK

WHOCK

WHOCK

WHOCK

WHOCK

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

Out of the way! Dance, Kieselbach! Woo...

Matsurika

Run

run

ri

ru

How do you do?

How do you do?

How do you do?

Lan

lan

la

la

An angel is passing by

An angel is passing by

An angel is passing by

Run

run

ri

ru

In a pretty bouquet

In a pretty bouquet

In a pretty bouquet

Maria

Holic

Alive

Lan

lan

la

la

La!

Oink!

Oink!

Episode 3

Greed's Tremor

Sigh...

I'm not in love...

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven,

A

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven,

It is a Sunday of ennui.

It is a Sunday of ennui.

What's gotten into you this time, Miyamae Kanako?

Sigh...

Love isn't something you do, it's something you fall into.

I want to dive into a wonderland of romance...

I think I've been looking for love in all the wrong places; I should try somewhere else.

What do you think?

So you're transferring?

Good bye.

You're terrible! I'm not going anywhere!

Ame-no-Kisaki is my home base!

Tch.

I'm finally in the big city! I want to write my own love story!

For example, a meeting with a secretary—the sisterly type—you can only find in the big city!

Or a secretary—the sisterly type—too cramped by the rush-hour crowds on the train to adjust her neckline!

Or a secretary—the sisterly type—whose heel snaps when she's in a hurry!

Or a secretary—the sisterly type—who can't figure out the copy machine!

Or a secretary—the sisterly type—who forgot her wallet at her desk and can't pay for lunch!

Or a secretary—the sisterly type—who stayed out drinking with her coworkers until after the last train!

How many secretaries in trouble do you think you're even going to find?

It's not even noon! I've got plenty of time to look!

All right, time to suit up for battle!

Oh, MY!

Ugh. Nasty.

CHK!

Huh, that's funny. I must be imagining things.

Oh, that's right, haven't they changed how things are measured?

Oh MKS, sneaking up on me like that!

She's talking about how the standard units were changed to meters, kilograms, and seconds, right?

Why don't you know anything but useless factoids?

My uniform has been feeling tight lately...

Oh, are you getting fat?

Impressive. Most people only have their growth spurt in one direction.

This is all due to your lack of self-restraint.

You live like an animal, and end up like this.

Self-restraint? If I had to think of a reason...

Shall we take a break

and have tea together?

I've figured it out!

You can't keep feeding me all those wonderful sweets!

That's what keeps bringing the dorm mistress and Ryuken here, too!

So we're having high-calorie scones today, huh?

They're splendid with high-calorie clotted cream.

Why don't you try this high-calorie jam too?

And what does that have to do with your hyperinflation?

Don't call it hyperinflation!

All your high-calorie treats are just going straight to my hips!

How's that my fault? You're the one stuffing your fat face!

Mariya, you could never understand! We girls are always prepared for death by chocolate!

Yep, just like an animal.

Rich yet light pâte brisée...

Alluring caramélisée and crème pâtissière...

Savory baked pâte sucrée and biscuit dough which just melts in your mouth...

Poire, pomme, citron, framboise, ananas, orange!

A rainbow wonderland of fruits, interwoven with couverture!

Pâtisserie! The pâtissier is the root of all evil!

My revenge shall be a dish best served piping hot!

I'll lop the poofy tips of their poofy little chef hats off, leaving them with only smokestacks!

And what's that supposed to symbolize?

Yes, the problem stems from something deeper...

Stems?

That's it! Sugarcane!

Well, I guess those are stems...

Can't you just stop blaming other people?

Woe is me!

I could never attend the ball in these rags...

Now are you mocking the Ame-no-Kisaki uniform?

I've decided. I shall go on a diet!

Ah.

Confiscated

Oh, so you'll be skipping dinner then, Miyamae?

Yes, dorm mistress!

From today forth I'll be living like a lone commando!

But you already skipped lunch...

It's nigh impossible to stick with an unreasonable diet, you know?

Gr-grrl

Grr

Don't worry! I have a plan!

A secret weapon!

Lunch break, next day

What might those be, Miyamae?

My secret weapon, dried shiitake mushrooms!

They're nice and chewy, so I'm sure to produce lots of saliva!

Really?

Why do you want to salivate more?

The human body's mostly water, right?

Yeah...

So by reducing the amount of water in my body, I lose weight!

I call it Kanako's desert diet!

Desert Style

That name sounds really ominous, Kanako...

Won't you reconsider, Kanako?

Stony deserts...

Sandy deserts...

Gravel deserts...

What kind of desert are you imagining, Miyamae?

Personally, deserts make me think of places like the Sahara,

vast pale expanses of windblown sand...

Why are you so calm, Nanami?!

You need to help us stop Kanako!

Shiitake... Stop... Kanako...

Shiitake

Shiitake

Shiitake

Shiitake

Stop

Shiitake

Stop

Stop

Shiitake

Stop

Stop

Kanako

What about marbles?

munch

Marbles?

Having food in your mouth when you're trying to fast is too risky.

Even the mellow aroma of the dried shiitake you're sucking now makes your stomach rumble, correct?

Now that you mention it, I'm tempted to do more than just chew...

Boxers trying to lose weight before a matches suck on a small stone to induce salivation instead.

But that's not very sanitary, is it?

So perhaps a clean, sterile marble would be better. I think Momoi should have some.

Sachi...

N-no! I don't have any marbles!

Liar!

Show me what you're rattling around there, then!

No... No!

Marbles!

No!!

I'm starving...

Why does there have to be an assembly today?

Inhale

Perhaps the scent of girls I don't see in my classes will distract my stomach.

Ah, the class prez is as beautiful as always!

And Natsuru, so lovely, is beside her...

Today, I'd like to go over the suggestions regarding the cafeteria menu.

We've gotten so many fabulous requests.

Today is an opportunity for us to discuss them all at length.

Of all the days to talk about this...

Very well.

Fillet of beef à la ficelle, with béarnaise or poivrade sauce.

Lamb forestière.

Abalone à l'étuvée.

Blue homard à l'americaine.

With just these names, I have no idea what the dishes are!

Please wait.

I believe a nantua sauce would be a more orthodox choice for the blue homard.

Personally, I would care for a béchamel sauce.

Then wouldn't a béchamel-based mornay sauce be a better choice?

I'm saved! Being a commoner is in my favor!

Mornay sauce takes a white sauce, adds plenty of shredded cheese,

and plenty of butter to further enrich the flavor.

I made it this far, but now Ryuken is unnecessarily explaining!

The fleshiness of plump homard lobster...

When you bite into it, its hot, delicious juices burst forth and flood your mouth.

The scent of butter and the richness of cheese make for a splendid combination...

It is a moment of supreme bliss.

I-I can't take it!

Also, it was suggested that we increase the variety of breads available.

Baguettes, bagels, croissants...

Croissants?

Oh, croissants!

There's a croissant right there!

I can almost taste it!

What's this?

It would seem she has set up a sauna in an attempt to shed sweat.

Water!

No more! No more weight reduction!

Looks like the sauna fried her brain.

Fedelini.

Vermicelli.

Capellini.

Sachi, get back!

Kanako has really changed her style, huh?

That's quite the novel fashion sense.

Tagliatelle, linguine, bigoli, pizzoccheri...

Is that really the right thing to say?

Passatelli, stroncatelli...

I didn't have breakfast today.

I think it would be best to eat before class starts.

Yes, I thought so too, and brought some rui-be.

Ah!

Ah

Incidentally, rui-be is raw salmon that has been frozen and thinly sliced

and then eaten as-is, without being heated. It's a traditional food from the island of Hokkaido.

In the Ainu language, it means "thawed food".

I prefer rui-be just after it's been thawed!

It goes well with wasabi and soy sauce, doesn't it?

You... Seafood... Smells good...

Seafood!

Miyamae! Are you all right?

M-Melons!

Oh, dear.

Frothy old dudes

Hemorroids

Echimococcosis

Sexy Wasao

Love is the panacea

I'm sorry. I'm in a chaotic area between food lust and Sapphic lust.

I'm surprised my body can still produce any moisture.

You shouldn't be going on such a harsh diet while you're still growing.

Miyamae, are you all right?

Miss Kuma.

I heard from the others.

You haven't eaten for three days.

Just what happened to you?

That's right! I was going to get thin and find my true love!

Okay, Kanako, it's time to eat. Let's go to the cafeteria.

Tonight is one of your favorites: teriyaki chicken, made with free-range fowl.

So you're here, Mariemon!

Another nickname using that cat-shaped robot?

No. Mariya plus demon equals Marie-mon.

You sure are a handful.

If you don't want to eat, that's your thing,

but when you get this weak, it gets me, your roommate, involved too.

I don't listen to the whispering of demons!

O abhorrent creature that seeks to lure the lost down the wrong path! Begone!

Oh, really?

Do your best, but don't push yourself too hard.

Very well, we shall return.

At the end of the arduous road, I'm sure Nirvana awaits.

BWSH

BWSH

Guess I'll just sleep today...

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

Grrl

GRRLL

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Hyan!

A shriek that pierces the darkness!

An enemy assault?!

What is this? What happened?

Dorm mistress!

That cry was Yonakuni's, wasn't it?

Just what happened? Don't tell me there's been an intruder!

Kanako? Is that you?

What the hell were you thinking?

He's just a dog so this is only property damage,

but if you'd bitten a human, it would have been assault!

Okay.

Japan's laws are strict regarding pets.

Okay.

Wise up already! If you lose weight by starving yourself, you're just gonna rebound.

You have to adhere to a sensible plan, starting by cutting back your calorie intake and exercising properly.

SOB

That's what a diet is, right?

Doing it by the book is boring.

This girl pisses me off.

Anyone who can't grasp the basics shouldn't look for originality!

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven,

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven

My diet wasn't built in a day

My diet wasn't built in a day.

I've pushed myself: lifting weights every day, resisting the call to eat seconds,

Huff huff

WHOA!

shaking off the urge for late-night sweets!

Finally, the following Sunday...

Just \h\h\h\h\h\h\h right!

Just right!

I did it! I got in!

spin

Sure enough, last week was some kind of fluke.

She's in complete denial of the past seven days.

After what she put everyone through...

Well, my battle plans are complete! Time for Kanako to sortie to the city!

Ah...

AH

Incidentally, walking around Ame-no-Kisaki without your uniform on is forbidden.

Huh?

Huh?

Even in the Second Girls' Dorm, only your uniform and pajamas are allowed.

Also, they won't let you leave just to go out and have fun.

Huh? Huh?! I've never heard that!

Did you even read the school entrance guide?

Looking more carefully at the material you receive would be to your own benefit.

Rip

Rip

Rip

Rip

Rip

Rip

Riiip

Riiip

Riiip

Riiip

Riiip

Riiip

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Riiip

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Riiip

Riiip

Riiip

Riiip

Riiip

Riiip

Riiip

Riiip

Riiip

Riiip

Riiip

But... My story of love in the big city...

Riiip

Riiip

Riiip

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Riiip

It's dead in the water.

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven,

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven

Ame-no-Kisaki

is a prison

Ame-no-Kisaki is a prison.

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven

Ame-no-Kisaki

is a prison

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven

Ame-no-Kisaki

is a prison

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven

Ame-no-Kisaki

is a prison

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven

Ame-no-Kisaki

is a prison

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven

Ame-no-Kisaki

is a prison

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven

Ame-no-Kisaki

is a prison

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven

Ame-no-Kisaki

is a prison

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven

Ame-no-Kisaki

is a prison

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven

Ame-no-Kisaki

is a prison

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven

Ame-no-Kisaki

is a prison

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven

Ame-no-Kisaki

is a prison

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven

Ame-no-Kisaki

is a prison

Dearest Mother, up in heaven

Ame-no-Kisaki

is a prison

Dearest Mother, up in heaven

Ame-no-Kisaki

is a prison

Dearest Mother, up in heaven

Ame-no-Kisaki

is a prison

WAUGH!

Mariya, give me sweets!

Only delicious sweets can cure this misery!

Matsurika. This could be fun, so give 'er all she wants!

Very well. Special high-calorie, hard-to-digest ones...

It would be easy to get permission to leave

if she merely said she were going to a friend's house to study.

Don't go telling her that.

A fool with little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

Episode 3

Greed's Tremor

Don't just believe the rumors

My heart is still pure

I love living dream after dream

Perhaps tonight, holding a red rose,

I will dance with a beauty

Or perhaps, I will give

my passionate heart to my lover

To become a papillon?

To become a bloom?

The romance of the night, I leave up to you

Just for tonight,

just for tonight,

no one can stop us

To become a papillon? To become a bloom?

The romance of the night, I leave up to you

Just for tonight, just for tonight

no one can stop us

Maria

Holic

Alive

Do

Do

your

your

Toichiro!

best,

Toichiro!

Do your best, Touichirou!

best,

Toichiro!

As the rain clouds loom above, cooping us in everyday... beloved Mama in Heaven, how are you faring?

Perhaps because of the weather, my sense of melancholy has gradually strengthened,

to the point that recently, even my priest's robes feel tight.

I received word from Shidoh regarding an important matter...

Father Kanae, your clothes are quite form-fitting today, aren't they?

The truth is, this rainy spell has left me with few chances for exercise.

Sure enough, sometimes the eye fails to turn inward...

Eyes Not Turning Inward | One can be fully aware of something but fail to see that same thing in oneself.

Oh. That's where Fantastic Diet version 4.2 comes in!

Fantastic Diet version 4.2?

You mean, that medicine is the secret to your and Shinouji's fetching countenance?!

And you're suggesting it to me, Kanae Touichiro?!

Fetching Countenance

Lookin' so good, you can't help but stare.

And you can return this Fantastic Diet Second Season within 30 days of purchase,

Returns Okay!

regardless of if you've used it or not.

What?! Even if it's completely used up?!

That's right. That's how much confidence I have in this product.

Also...

shwwp...

Because it's a really, really great product, I wanted to let you know about it.

Shi-Shidoh!

But this product is not available in stores.

I want to cut promotional and distribution costs and pass the savings back to the customer.

Wh-What do you mean?

Simply put, rather than a business, I want to make a fan club for this wonderful product.

A fan club? Like an appreciation society?

I just mentioned cutting my margins, right?

Well, that portion goes to any member who introduces the product to someone else.

You mean, you get a reward?

Correct

That's right! You're so clever, Father Kanae!

If you introduce this to ten new members within three months,

the ten percent return will increase to twelve percent!

And if you keep going, your cash-back rate will increase, too!

Members will have ranks they can advance through!

Shidoh! How benignant you are!

Benignant | Extremely kind and sympathetic toward the well-being of others

Mama! Our Nirvana is within arm's grasp!

Nirvana

Refers to the extinguishing of suffering

A place of knowledge and enlightenment,

a place of happiness, free of anxiety.

This is designed to get a good product into more people's hands!

A completely new business model for the 21st Century!

Now then! Let us reach for our dreams together!

Mariya. I don't think we should push this joke any further.

I've just about become tired of it.

Do

your

best,

Touichiro!

Bonus

What's Hokkun up to?

What is Hokkun up to?!

For what reason would someone go after a solid guy living an upright life?

He's a special case, popular with the ladies and—

There's the son, yet to see his dream of making it to the big leagues, the Ivy League...

To put a name on it, "This Has the Smell of Friggin' Money."

This has the Smell of Friggin' Money