Original subtitles

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven,

I've gotten used to life at Ame-no-Kisaki.

It used to be so difficult not to make a mess of my box pleats while walking,

and not to bend my stand-up collar,

but now it's as natural as breathing.

Good day!

Good day.

Good day!

Ame-no-Kisaki Second Girls Dorm

After lessons end for the day, I retire to have wonderful tea with my dormmates...

Today is rose hip tea served with English scones,

Miyamae, did you know that Ms. Enjohji's birthday is next week?

We should bring her a gift!

My, that would be wonderful.

Kanako. Kanako!

Are you awake now? Whatever could you have been dreaming of?

Mariya?!

What are you doing dressed up as a stewarde—?!

Are you ready for your tour, Kanako?

What would you prefer as a wake-me-up? Coffee? Or perhaps black tea?

Or perhaps... Me?

Or perhaps... Me?

Or perhaps... Me?

Or perhaps... Me?

Don't be so pretentious! Especially when someone is having fabulous dreams about life as a pure, innocent lesbian schoolgirl!

I'm amazed that of all people, the words "pure and innocent" would come from your mouth.

That's right!

Kanako may look like a normal high school girl,

but her heart is that of a nasty, perverted little dyke.

This bootlicking isn't very pure and innocent, but it has its own appeal!

Oh what a good day, what a good day!

Delusional Warrior, Miyamae Kanako!

Maria

Holic

Maria

Holic

Alive

Maria

Holic

Alive

A refreshing breeze blows across the hill of Holy Mary!

Finally, she is here.

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Miyamae Kanako!

Pursuing the beautiful maidens

Pursuing the beautiful maidens

of her dreams

of her dreams

of her dreams

she transferred to this school!

Kanako is a lesbian

Every day, her delusions

rush uncontrollably through her mind

Her roommate

is a black-hearted

is a black-hearted

beauty!

I'm here too.

Oh, never mind that! Kanako, swimming class starts today!

School swimsuits! Butterfly stroke! And the forbidden mouth-to-mouth!

There might even be... a slip!

She doesn't even mind if she gets a nosebleed!

She'll just eat raw liver to replace the lost iron!

Her loathing of men is her solitary flaw!

A simple brush with one and she'll break out in hives!

A simple brush with one and she'll break out in hives!

Ame-no-Kisaki Girls High School

Class 2-A, Miyamae Kanako!

Miyamae Kanako!

Dearest Mother, up there in Heaven, it has already been two months since I was admitted to Ame-no-Kisaki.

I have yet to find my fated love.

Ame-no-Kisaki Second Girls' Dorm

I must find her somehow, before the coming of summer break!

Liverwurst

Liverwurst

Liverwurst

Liverwurst

Liverwurst

Liverwurst

Liverwurst

Liverwurst

Liverwurst

Liverwurst

Liverwurst

Liverwurst

Liverwurst

The only option I have left is to try that old trick that's used so often in shoujo manga.

Running late with toast in your mouth, to turn a corner and run straight into your fated one?

Is that the trick you were mentioning?

You pretty much ruined the shoujo manga thing when you put liverwurst rather than butter on it.

Here I go!

The dorm mistress?!

Don't do that, Miyamae.

Running in the halls while eating will be the death of you.

It landed liverwurst-side down!

Dearest Mother, up there in Heaven!

Your little Kanako will not give up!

Just like how you had your fated encounter with Dad here, I will also!

I got lost. The Ame-no-Kisaki campus is too damn big.

Ame-no-Kisaki First Girls Dorm

This is—?!

Episode 1

"The Forbidden Dorm"

The First Girls' Dorm?

Yeah. I accidently wound up there this morning.

Sachi

Momoi

It isn't on any of the maps, so I thought they had torn it down,

but it looks like it's still there.

Yuzuru

Inamori

Kanako, you know about the First Girls' Dorm?

Yeah, there's this wonderful legend about it!

It's said that a couple who confess to each other under its legendary magnolia tree on their lucky day

will have eternal happiness granted unto them!

Nanami

Kiri

The Hearththrob Jinx?

You've heard of it, Kiri?

Everyone who goes to school here knows about it.

Really?

My mom and dad got together under that very tree!

So after we talked about that, we decided we'd all go and watch the tree blossom tomorrow.

So it's a place that holds precious memories of your late mother and father...

How romantic.

Being romantic is all fine and well, but do you seriously plan on going there ?

What do you mean, there ?

Mariya, don't tell me you're jealous?

Are you worried about me falling in love with some lovely maiden under that legendary tree?

What do I have to be jealous about?

Well, tomorrow is a lucky day! If I give my heart to a girl under that tree, we'll be bound together for eternity!

Oh, but who should I confess to?!

Should it be Sachi? Or perhaps Yuzuru? Or maybe even Kiri?!

I just can't decide!

FACT

The Facts of Maria†Holic, Part 1:

Kanako likes girls.

Wait, if I confess to all three at once...

Will I have an eternal harem?! An all-I-can-eat buffet?!

FACT

The Facts of Maria†Holic, Part 2:

In fact, she's a raging dyke.

Thinking of things such as harems and all-you-can-eat buffets in your parents's special place... How indiscreet.

Are you really curious enough to endure those harsh trials just to see some flowers bloom?

Did everyone really agree to come along with you?

Harsh trials?

You keep going on about "there " and "are you really". What's going on?

Didn't you know, Kanako?

The First Girls' Dorm adjoins Ame-no-Kisaki's sister school, Mihoshi-no-Mori Boys' High School.

B-Boys?!

FACT

The Facts of Maria†Holic, Part 3:

Kanako is not very good with men.

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

Thus, the First Girls' Dorm had quite the problem with stalkers, panty thieves, peeping toms, and the like.

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No peepers

No stalkers

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No stalkers

No peepers

No stalkers

No stalkers

No peepers

No stalkers

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No stalkers

No peepers

No stalkers

No peepers

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No peepers

No peepers

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No peepers

No peepers

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No peepers

No peepers

No peepers

No peepers

No peepers

No peepers

No peepers

No peepers

No peepers

No peepers

No panty thieves

No peepers

No peepers

No peepers

No peepers

No peepers

No peepers

No peepers

No peepers

No peepers

No peepers

No peepers

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No peepers

No peepers

Thus, its inhabitants set up various traps in an attempt to ward off intruders.

That's when tragedy struck.

Everyone had installed trap after trap without abandon.

By the time they realized their folly, it was a fortress impermeable to even its residents,

They must have all been complete morons.

I don't think they want to hear that from you

Like you're one to talk.

Due to this, the First Girls' Dorm was closed, but...

Some still braved the traps on the way to the secret rendezvous.

Think you're fine just walking in here? / "Yeah, no problem." / God says do not enter

A

It's said that this was the beginning of the Heartthrob Jinx.

Most of those who challenge it fail to even get past the front gate.

Thus, it's been given the name "The Gate of Trials".

Why does it have to be so ominous?!

Oh, I'm so happy that everyone is brave enough to go somewhere so dangerous with me!

Now I want to go see the flowers too.

I'll pass on charging the front with you guys,

but do please try to make it through the challenges.

Mariya, you're cheering me on?

Dearest Mother, up there in Heaven.

Tomorrow, I'll be reliving one of your memories

together with the dear friends I've made at Ame-no-Kisaki.

Over here, Kanako!

Sachi, Yuzuru, Kiri! Good morning!

Let's do our best and overcome all the trials!

Overcoming all the trials...

Did you really mean that, Kanako?

Yeah! Let's all work together and try our hardest, okay?

Ame-no-Kisaki First Girls Dorm

Oh, I see.

I think we misjudged your intentions, Kanako.

Yeah, I'm sorry that I thought we were just going to see the flowers and didn't take this seriously.

Let's blaze a trail through it!

Yeah, thanks! Let's work together and make it through!

First up is the Gate of Trials.

How can we break through this gate and get inside?

Don't worry! I thought this might happen, so I brought lockpicks!

This is a pretty old lock. It's like it's just begging me to break in!

You always have everything on hand, so I could somehow picture you having lockpicks...

But I never expected you to know how to use them.

The Gate of Trials...

What fearsome traps lie beyond this gate?

The Forbidden Pitfall?

The Collapsing Ceiling of Suffering?

The Insulting Flying Knives?

Or maybe the ever-popular Groping Tentacles?

Kanako! Are you okay!

The fearsome Gate of Trials... Is my body ready?

It's open, Kanako!

Thanks, Sachi!

Let's go, everyone!

Are we ready?

Look out!

Ishima Ryuken!

Ishima Ryuken

What are you doing here?!

Word through the grapevine was that you girls would challenge the First Girls' Dorm.

Word through... the grape vine?

I'm glad I made it here before any damage was done.

B-But these are rubber arrows...

Wouldn't you have caused less damage by not doing anything?

Tarry not! We're in the midst of a fray!

This Way To the legendary tree!

A

Doesn't this seem rather strange?

What's bothering you, Yuzuru?

Well, it's just that for an abandoned building, it seems pretty clean and well-maintained.

The First Trial

A

The first trial.

To make up for the incident at the Gate of Trials,

let me open it.

Two bathtubs full of water?

What kind of trap is this?

Could it be we're supposed to bathe here?!

No, wait a second.

'Tis not the first time I've seen such a spectacle!

To be quite precise, once before on a television program...

The thing where you're allowed as much ad time as you spend in a steaming hot tub?

But even if it looks boiling it's really probably just lukewarm...

Here it seems to be quite warm indeed.

The first trial, the Steaming Baths...

The rules are simple. Just dive into the hot bath without a murmur of complaint.

You're rewarded with a coin for each second you endure.

Rewarded with coins?

It's not a fake! That means...

The wet see-through shirts!

The exposed pink skin!

The anguish of girls enduring the heat!

Why was it me?

Good work, Kanako! Look at all the coins you got!

Well, we've overcome the first trial.

But there'll be another...

A

The Second Trial

I

wish

to be

brave

The second trial.

The Summoning Slot Machine.

I don't get it at all!

What does it even summon?!

First, insert a coin.

Second, pull the handle.

Third, she will be summoned.

But who the heck is she?!

Let's just try it with one of the coins from before.

I'll try it this time!

Eh?

A

I don't want to keep putting you in danger, Kanako!

Sachi...

Matsurika

Matsurika

Matsurika

"Matsurika"?

Hello. I'm the deus ex machina Matsurika.

The summon was Matsurika?!

Accompanied by a full orchestra?!

A gentleman in a tuxedo rolled out a red carpet!

Hello. I'm the deus ex machina Matsurika.

Um... You already told us that.

What are you even doing here?

Are you behind this pain in the butt routine?

It's not a pain in the butt routine!

Yeah, it's been so long since someone's attempted to challenge the First Girls' Dorm!

Or perhaps you're here to see God?

Sadly, Mariya has nothing to do with this.

This is just my part-time job. It pays ¥821 an hour.

Hasn't ¥821 been the minimum wage in Tokyo since October 24th, 2010?

Money alone isn't enough to buy a person's heart.

What sets a maiden's heart aflutter is...

This eternal glitter...

You put out for a rock?!

A

The Third Thingie

Knock-out!

Game No. 3: Strikeout.

Game?! Did she just say game?!

Oh my. It's not a game, it's the third trial-trap.

Don't worry. It's too late to take back your words.

Strikeout is a game in which you hit a strike zone, divided into nine panels, with a ball.

Very well. I shall test my arm!

Ryuken!

Oh my! Is Ishima a pitcher?

Very interesting!

Imagine. Imagine it.

It's the bottom of the ninth.

The score is tied, with one out.

A fast runner on first.

I can expect a bunt in this situation... No! He expects me to give up a stolen base!

I won't let that happen!

Ishima threw it!

Knock-out!

I simply can't stand to watch this.

Matsurika?

It costs ten coins to summon the deus ex machina.

Will you summon the deus ex machina?

Yes or yes?

Today's deus-ex-machina

Yes...

Kaching.

Command acknowledged.

In exchange for your offering of ten coins and a Benjamin, Matsurika was summoned.

What do you mean, a Benjamin?!

Why do you have my wallet, Matsurika?!

Matsurika, launching!

Now.

The fourth amusement.

The "Frickin' Fast Treadmill".

What's with that half-assed name?!

And wait, what do you mean "amusement"?!

The fourth attraction, the "Super-Speed—"

I told you, you don't have to change what you said!

But if we don't make it past this we're done here!

All right, I'll give it my best shot!

Kanako!

I think I got a bit ahead of myself...

Matsurika, take these ten coins and summon the deus ex machina...

Oh, is it already this late?

I'm sorry, Kanako. You must do the rest yourself.

It's quittin' time.

I don't get paid overtime, so I'll be taking my leave now.

No! Wait! Please!

I could never make it through these dumb games without your help, Matsurika!

S-Sachi...

Kanako, why did you come here?!

You came here to rediscover a memory of your departed mom and dad!

Didn't they make it through the trials themselves?!

Let's try harder! That's why we're here for you!

We can make it through these attra— Er, trials together!

Even if you just called them attractions, you're right!

I won't give up!

Everyone is here backing me up!

Aww, I'm out of snacks right at the best part.

Oh well, time to go get more.

Having lost our deus ex machina and most of our power,

- oday's deus-e -

we continued through the strangely familiar trials until finally...

It's the dorm mistress!

I am no mere dorm mistress!

Today the dorm mistress is the final boss!

In other words, you could call me God!

God, you're the final boss of the First Girls' Dorm?

Yes! And behind me lies the door you must pass through!

Oh, I could really go for strawberry rice cakes to go with some tea right now...

No way! Who would have strawberry rice cakes on a brisk early summer day like—

Don't worry, I—

I brought some.

Nanami?!

I made enough for all of us, so there's enough left over to share with this little girl in cat ears.

Little girl? I'm flattered.

But flattery will—

Oh, what's this?

It seems like I dropped the key to the courtyard.

But I must be imagining things.

Let's get going, Yonakuni.

Dearest Mother, up in Heaven,

I'm finally opening the door to the courtyard!

So this is the legendary magnolia...

Welcome. I've been waiting.

Mariya?!

Excellent work, everyone.

Would you like some tea and snacks?

Why thank you, Shidoh.

I'd love to relax with some sweets.

That sounds wonderful.

They look tasty!

Shall I share my strawberry rice cakes as well?

Mariya! You really were—

Just let me say this: I have no idea what happened inside the dorm today.

All I know is that Matsurika came out of there with an envelope containing ¥1,642

and a huge pink diamond.

Where'd my Benjamins go?!

What are you waiting for? Let's have some tea!

I'm coming, Ryuken!

Jeez, I was planning on going on a diet, but I'll just give it up.

They were definitely difficult trials.

But now I understand the secret of the jinx which eternally ties couples together.

Whether it's the girl who calls the boy out to confess,

or the boy who's called out to be confessed to,

just making it to this tree means going through a lot together.

If they don't care deeply for each other, they'll give up halfway through.

Yes. If their feelings for each other are that strong, even if they're not eternal, they're sure to be long-lasting.

Yes. So the lovers who reach here going through the dangerous trials,

and arrive without using the emergency exit to prove their feeling for each other...

Ah, the emergency exit...?

The emergency exit?!

What do you mean?!

If there wasn't an emergency exit, the building would be in violation of safety regulations.

by order

fire marshal

by order

fire marshal

by order

fire marshal

by order

of the

fire marshal

by order

of the

fire marshal

by order

of the

fire marshal

What?! You mean I didn't have to put up with all that?!

I was surprised you wanted to come in through the front.

Yeah, we were planning to use the emergency exit, but when you said you wanted to charge through the front...

I kind of took an interest in the trials too. Especially the "breaking in" part.

Come on! You didn't need to put me through that!

If you didn't manipulate me like that, I wouldn't have had to put myself through that ordeal...

Wasn't it a good experience, though?

You understand a little bit of how your late mother felt now, right?

Mother, up in Heaven,

you left me so early that I barely remember you...

Under this tree, I feel like I can see your figure, waiting here in Ame-no-Kisaki uniform...

your heart pounding as you waited for Dad...

Isn't it wonderful, Kanako?

And now that you understand that, you can go back the way you came!

Do your best, Kanako!

Do your best, Miyamae!

As a solitary challenger to the First Girls' Dorm.

Let me show you in.

No!

Don't just believe the rumors

My heart is still pure

I love living dream after dream

Perhaps tonight, holding a red rose,

I will dance with a beauty

Or perhaps, I will give

my passionate heart to my lover

To become a papillon?

To become a bloom?

The romance of the night, I leave up to you

Just for tonight,

just for tonight,

no one can stop us

To become a papillon? To become a bloom?

The romance of the night, I leave up to you

Just for tonight, just for tonight

no one can stop us

Maria

Holic

Alive

Matsurika's Journal

Matsurika's Journal

Matsurika's Journal

Matsurika's Journal.

Matsurika's Journal

Matsurika's Journal

Matsurika's Journal

Matsurika's Journal

Matsurika's Journal

Matsurika's Journal

Hello. I am Matsurika.

Thanks to Kanako, my lovely collection grew today.

Bonus

If I could use magic, I'd make a hundred million clones of Benjamin!

I'd put ten million of them in commodity futures,

twenty million in currencies,

and fifty million in savings.

Then I'd live off the rest!