Original subtitles

♪ I was a normal girl Before my dad went missing

♪ Then his alien partner appeared You've got to save the galaxy.

♪ There's a madman, Gore, you see You've got to stop him now

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa I'm just a kid, why me?

♪ And how? See that bracelet from your dad?

♪ It's got secret powers What's that?

♪ If Gore should get it That's the key

♪ To set my evil army free

♪ I'll gather my friends She's Agent 203

♪ Now she can protect the world

♪ It's Agent 203 Agent 203! ♪

Do you have the squirrel on camera?

I do, but it's, uh... not doing much.

I think it just gave me a dirty look.

We've got to report a news story for Media Studies class

that's so great that it can win the regional news contest.

Yeah, but I don't see how this squirrel is news.

It's just being a squirrel.

Remember what the teacher says,

"Good reporting can turn any subject into gold."

Like, award trophy gold.

We blow the lid off Squirrelgate,

and we can win the state-wide contest.

And win the grand prize trip to Queasyland Amusement Park.

Yes! Roller coasters and chocolate-dipped Queasyland tacos

all day long.

Never gonna happen, peeps, because... squirrel.

We just have to, you know, play things up a bit.

OK. Three, two... You're on.

Roddenberry Park,

and a squirrel is looking for a place to bury a peanut.

Yes, a peanut.

Where will it hide it? This is the majesty, the drama of nature,

unfolding before us, live and...

Wait! I think... Yes!

The squirrel has chosen a spot to bury its peanut.

And what a spot. We'll be sure to keep you updated on any developments

in this breaking story as they occur.

And... cut.

How was that? I loved it.

Really? Yes.

Earth stuff is endlessly fascinating.

It was almost as good as watching shoes getting tied.

Doh! Hmm. Q?

Makes me want to bury my head in the ground like that peanut.

I wish we could report on something cooler. Something important.

Like the story we're all sitting on.

Imagine the impact - "Aliens everywhere."

"High school media students break biggest story in history."

Ha-ha! But there's no way you'd ever do that, right?

LAUGHTER

Right?

Of course, not. No way. Sheesh.

Well, let's pack it in.

Come to Papa, peanut. CHUCKLES

Mmm!

Argh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! SCREAMS

Look, the assignment isn't due until tomorrow afternoon.

We can set out early and look for a new story.

Cool. I'll meet you at HQ before school.

ULAV GRUMBLES

Yuck.

There's got to be a better story.

Oh, I want to win that trip to Queasyland.

It's just a matter of being in the right place at the right time.

SINGING

Whoa!

Alien crop circles. We gotta cover this up.

PHONE CHIRPS Uh... Or...

CHUCKLES

CAMERA CLICKS

No, no and NO. We get rid of them now.

Just hear me out.

I know we can't report about aliens everywhere,

but what if we reported just one tiny sliver of the big secret?

A tiny sliver? The IA is all about absolute secrecy.

Yes, when we deal with alien threats.

But crop circles aren't new or scary.

They show up all over the world. Some people think they're fake.

It's just cool that Roddenberry finally got some.

ZOE GROANS

Look, when has a crop circle caused anything bad?

They're cool but totally harmless. Right, Ulav?

SNORING Crop circles?

YAWNS Completely.

They're basically just graffiti

but meant to be read by ships passing in space.

You mean like, "Squeeb was here."

Yeah. Or, "Down with Nurblix."

Or, "Goopletarp has two frabblenoxes."

Whoa! Now that's just rude.

Forget it, Rock. We should just cover this up, it's our job.

Zoe, grand prize, trip to Queasyland!

Feel the thrill as we go off the first drop of The Screaming Banshee.

Feel the wind in your face

as we rocket through the loops of The Howling Dragon.

Don't give me that look.

What look? Ulav, you're 1,000% sure this thing is harmless?

Never saw a message that wasn't downright boring.

We can translate it just to be sure?

By "we" you mean "Ulav."

These things take hours.

Mwah! I appreciate it, Ulav.

There goes my "me" day. Smoosh and I were going to do our nails.

OK, Rock, we do the story.

Now you're talking. But no actual facts.

We just interview folks at school about what they think it is.

Believers and non-believers.

Which will create all kinds of confusion about what it really is.

We sow confusion and get our scoop. Win-win.

Come on, let's get some crop circle footage before anyone else does.

These crop circles mysteriously appeared overnight

on the Roddenberry High School soccer field.

What do they mean? Are they alien phenomenon or man-made fake?

These are crop circles?

Looks like someone went monkey shorts with a lawn mower.

What is that? The new school logo?

Real, my sweat socks.

Only a total nut farmer would believe it's aliens.

It's aliens! This is it.

Everything I've been saying is finally happening.

Uh... Get ready! They're coming!

GIRLS LAUGH

LAUGHING Uh... guys?

Ugh...

Breaking news. Alien crop circles at Roddenberry High...

Old news.

Zoe and her crew already reported that.

'It's aliens, they're coming!'

Y'all got scooped by kid reporters.

GROWLS

Whatever. Those crop circles are probably fake anyway.

Hey! My phone!

LAUGHING Guys, we even scooped the news pros.

Queasyland, here comes Q and crew.

SQUEALING HINGES

By the way, Ulav, what did the crop circle translation say?

I forgot. "I forgot". Strange message.

"I forgot" what?

Maybe an alien forgot how to get home.

No, I forgot to translate it.

Sorry, guys, but crop circle messages

are so hard to crack and so pointless.

Can we give it a miss? Ulav!

Fine, going.

I'll poke him with something if he nods off.

What do they mean?

Applying my special intergalactic online alien translation algorithm.

Worth all ten payments of $19.99 and then some at a time like this.

And... translate. Come on. Come on.

Aliens, talk to me!

Uh, Mr Roswell?

Huh? Is this gonna be on the test?

Whoof! Finally. Message now translating.

We've got the first three syllables...

Let me guess. It says "Blorg loves Splorg?

No. It says...

"Invasion." Uh!

Ah. The first word at last. It's... it's...

"friendship"!

For years I worried about an alien attack,

but it's going to be a friendly visit.

Oh, I love you too, galaxy!

Uh...

And... assignment delivered. Time to celebrate.

Yeah! DEVICE BLEEPS

Guys. We've got a full translation of the crop circles.

Cool.

Not sure that's the word for it.

It says, "Invasion starts here at 9:00 tonight."

The crop circles! I've translated them.

The aliens are coming at nine tonight,

and they want to be friends. LAUGHS

Oh, what should I wear?

Whoo, I need a shower. Unless the aliens like this smell?

Ooh, I should get them a welcome basket.

With lots of soft cheeses!

LAUGHING Oh, no.

Roswell's gonna fight off the invasion with

a wheel of brie and some fancy crackers.

Oh, we really messed up, Rock.

We should have got rid of that crop circle as soon as we saw it.

Then there'd be no invasion. We've got to fix this.

OK, what do we have on this threat?

Who are the invaders? I've got nothing.

Except a rash, but I'm sure that's from my wool footy PJs.

I'll keep searching. What language is the message in?

Crop circles use a standard galactic code.

Part of the point is they're universal, anonymous.

Uh... untraceable.

Exactly. Brilliant way to share secret invasion info.

Using a form of communication everyone ignores.

Even IA doesn't bother to monitor these.

Seems like a pain, planning a whole invasion on post-it notes.

The crop circles aren't the plan.

They're just the sign you put on your house before the party,

"Birthday here." They're the X that marks the spot.

Then we just change the X. Rewrite the message.

We say the invasion's cancelled.

It's a long shot, but maybe it would throw off the invaders,

whoever they are.

Let's do it.

But how will we change the message?

Uh, hello?

All right, let's mo... Oh, no.

Ohhh, I can't wait to wrap those space folks up

in a great big man-hug.

He is enthusiastic, you gotta give him that much.

Wow, the place is deserted.

Crop circle fever died down fast.

That's the internet news cycle for you.

Our story was trending this morning, but it's ancient history now.

'Guys. Subspace chatter is all about a giant fleet amassing.

'I did some imaging. This looks like our invasion.

'And they're moving in fast.'

O... M... Gumdrops!

What are we going to do about Mr Roswell? I've got an idea.

Hey, Mr R. Somebody's stealing your car.

Cars? Who needs cars? We're going to the stars, baby.

That's all I got.

You two distract him somehow. I'll change the invasion message.

Distract him how?

By making all of his dreams come true.

Hmm.

Mr Roswell?

Who wants to know?

We do. The Persons In Purple.

We understand you successfully managed to translate

this extraterrestrial message.

I did. Are you guys from Area 51?

Area 51 is tourist nonsense. We're from Area 52.

Wow! LAUGHS

I knew you guys would come to me sooner or later.

How can I help?

We need to debrief you, but we're too exposed here. Follow us.

Area 52. I can't believe it.

Please stop yelling, sir. We depend on a low profile.

Of course.

Activate Typewriter Charm!

Now, let's see.

"Bad stomach bug. Avoid Earth at all costs."

And that's all she wrote.

'Q. Message changed. Bring Roswell back any time.

'We are out of the woods.' Got it, girly. Will do.

Glad that's over with.

DANCE MUSIC, HUMMING

Huh? Hey!

What the skreeb? Someone changed the message.

It was my turn to choose this month's invasion target.

And I'm not letting anyone mess that up.

And stay that way.

MUSIC RESUMES

Remember, you never met us. This conversation never happened.

Oh, absolutely. But you should give me your contact info.

My research could be very useful to your organisation.

If your organisation existed, that is.

Winky-wink. See, I get it.

Seriously, though, I need your number.

When the time is right, we'll contact you.

Phew! BLEEPING

'Zoe, I thought you said you changed that message?

'We're running out of time.'

What? I did.

What in the...

Quigs, the message un-changed somehow. I need more time.

Actually, sir, I just... Uh...

have a few more questions that I would like to pick your brain about,

expert that you clearly are.

Oh, of course.

"Stomach bug. Avoid Earth at all costs." There.

What the...?

Guys. We have a cloaked alien ship over the soccer field.

Must be the one that originally made the message.

'It keeps changing it back. I need everyone here now.'

What about everybody's favourite UFO nut?

SNORING

There. He'll be out for a while. Let's track down our space Hermes.

Space Wormies?

Hermes. Messenger of the gods.

Those of us who actually listened in literature class got it.

I listen in literature class. Mostly to science podcasts.

SNORING

Ah!

Gah!

PANTING

If these human vandals think they can mess up my invasion,

they can think again.

This planet is going down, and nothing can stop me.

We've got to find whoever's rewriting this

and change that message for good.

What if someone comes sees all this?

The IA satellite shows no civilians in the area.

Plus, we have our disguises.

Right. We are the...

..Persons in Purple!

OK, when I draw him out, you hit him with the tractor beam, Q.

Got it.

Activate Typewriter Charm!

Let's say...

"Show yourself, you big space chicken."

IMITATES CHICKEN

Again? Seriously?

Uh! Hmm.

IMITATING CHICKEN

GROWLS

SCREAMS

We'll draw their fire. You bring 'em down. Go!

Hmm! GASPS

Ah!

LASERS FIRING

I need to get a lock on that guy.

Ah! Ow!

Ooh! Oh!

Argh! Oh, what the...?

I am Intergalactic Agent 203, and you are under arrest.

Ulav, I have a prisoner for pick-up.

Don't stop for mayonnaise and peaches.

I want all of this gone before we get...

GASPS ...seen.

CAMERA CLICKS

That was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I knew it. Yes! Yes!

Vindication! Who's a whackjob now, Aunt Lulu?

LAUGHS

Ugh, could my fail get any more epic?

CHUCKLING

This is not funny. What are you laughing at?

You're too late. The message worked.

The invasion has begun.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

ROSWELL LAUGHS This is bad.

That's for calling me a space chicken.

We should have dealt with it from the start.

Look where our scoop got us. DEVICE BLEEPS

Three minutes left. What do we do?

All right, first... Actually, Ulav,

this is kind of my mess. I'd like to try to fix it.

Right-o. Call the play, 203.

Ulav, you get Space Chicken out of here.

My name is Greg. Rock, you debrief Roswell.

Do whatever you have to do to get that footage off of his phone.

Quigs, re-cloak Space Greg's ship till we can impound it...

It's not "Space Greg", it's just Greg.

Right, so I'll be Greg.

We'll need my Holo Charm, an uplink to an IA com satellite,

and your trusty school news camera. You got it!

And... re-cloaking the ship.

Thirty seconds to invasion. This better work.

We're patched through to the fleet? And you edited in the footage?

Yep. Going live in three...

'Fleet leaders, this is uh... Greg,

'advance scout for the invasion.

'Listen, I have crucial new intel.

'The invasion is doomed. It has to be cancelled.'

What? Why?.

'I underestimated the earthlings when I selected this planet.

'One mighty Earth warrior plans

'to meet the invasion head on, singlehandedly.

'Behold... Roswello the Merciless.

'Look at him, he knows no fear.

'And he is armed with brutal, cutting edge weaponry!

'This anti-spacecraft cannon is aimed your flagship.

'It can vaporise the whole fleet in one shot.'

LASER BLASTS

'I can't wait to wrap those space folks up

'in a great big man hug.'

'This foe is too great. Save yourselves, friends.

'Live to fight another day.'

Uh, call off the invasion. Reverse course.

We'll conquer Greg's home planet instead.

I can't believe that worked.

Did we just save the world with a burrito?

Ah. It's over.

Not just yet.

Roddenberry High, my news team and I owe you all an apology.

The soccer field crop circles story was, in fact, fake news.

A practical joke from our competitors in the media contest

to get us in trouble.

And we're sorry, but we fell for it.

I knew they were fake. I mean, everything's fake, right?

Crop circles? Doesn't ring a bell.

Fake crop circles? Sick prank.

Is the whole school gonna see this?

Follow me, bros, @dudernaut8000.

We got carried away trying to win the contest,

but that's no excuse.

We should have checked our sources better before reporting it.

Even worse, the hoax attracted the attention of a team

of internet hoaxters,

who hoodwinked a certain faculty member for content.

Wha...? But... but... GROANS

And we would have got away with it

if not for that incredible school news team.

We can only hope that exposing these frauds will make up

for just a little of harm we caused.

Thank you and good morning.

We're clear. Well, that's that.

Ah, I really wanted to win that trip.

We all did. A little too much.

Who knows, maybe if we'd stuck with the squirrel story...

No, Zoe. Just... no.

The dreaded S word - secrecy.

It's the most important and the hardest aspect of what we do.

But without it, none of this could work.

Hey, Dad. You know, when I started this job,

I never imagined that I would somehow use it for my own gain.

I'm ashamed to say that that's exactly what we just did.

Well, this kid has officially learned her lesson,

and there's nothing fake about that news.

Good night, Dad.

CRUNCHING

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