Original subtitles

♪ I was a normal girl Before my dad went missing

♪ Then his alien partner appeared

♪ We've got to save the galaxy! There's a madman, Gore, you see

♪ You've got to stop him... Now! Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm just a kid

♪ Why me? And how? See that bracelet from your dad?

♪ It's got secret powers What's that?

♪ If Gore should get it That's the key

♪ To set my evil army free!

♪ I'll gather my friends She's Agent 2...

♪ Now she can protect the world

♪ It's Agent 203 Agent 203! ♪

OK, let's see now... After the aerial acrobatics finish their set,

we can move on to the 21-confetti-cannon salute,

which will lead nicely to the ten-tier cake reveal.

Unless... we do the fireworks first!

But then I'd probably need to keep the horse-drawn carriages

out of earshot... Mmm-mmm-mmm!

Have you ever tried hot mayonnaise with peaches?

It's delicious! Here, have some! Uh... no, thanks, Ulav.

I'm not hungry.

I may never be hungry again! What are you working on?

Oh! Quigley's birthday is this weekend, so I'm planning

the best surprise party EVER! I've spent the month researching

all the coolest party ideas, and then I...

You're planning a party?!

I've always wanted to plan a party! It's been my life's dream!

I thought your life's dream was to complete your collection of

carpet samples. You did it,

with Cotton Candy Polka Dot! You can have more than one dream.

I've been working really hard on this, and the thing is, Ulav...

I've wanted to plan an Earth birthday party

ever since I went to YOUR birthday party

all those years ago. Wait, what?

CHILDREN GIGGLE, HOOTING

Whoo!

CHILDREN GIGGLE

Zoe, I want you to meet, uh... my friend's son, Uli.

He's, uh... not from around here. Hi, Uli! It's my birthday!

Pleasure to meet you, Zoe!

And thank you for including me in your festivities...

Ow! Uh... I mean, uh... Me like party! Woohoo!

Whose kid is this? Uh... Bill's!

You don't know him. He's new. Oh!

We-Welcome, Uli!

CHILDREN GIGGLE Whoa... Oh...

Ah-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Ooh! Ooh!

Wah! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Oh-ho-ho! Ah-ha-ha-ha! Om-om-om!

BOWL SMASHES Om!

BALLOON SQUEAKS Ha-ha-ha!

Oh! Ha-ha-ha! Um... he's a little excitable.

Oh! Ulav!

I brought you on one condition -

you wouldn't draw attention to yourself!

You need to get it together,

or I'll have to tell everyone your mom came to pick you up.

No! Please! I'm sorry, I just...

We don't have parties on my planet. I got a little carried away.

Ahem. Zoe, I, uh...

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Ah! Ah! Hmph!

Uh, happy... birthday?

I quit.

Oh... I remember that!

My dad told me your family moved to the North Pole the next day.

Your party was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen.

I've wanted to plan a party ever since that day.

PLEASE let me plan Quigley's party, Zoe.

I won't let you down. Well...

Pleeeeeaaaaase?

'Ugh... This means a lot to him.

'And friends just don't plan parties for friends,

'they give each other their moments in the spotlight, too, right?'

Uh, OK, Ulav. You can help plan Quigley's party.

Huzzah! Thank you, Zoe, thank you! You won't regret this.

Yeah... it'll be fun. And hey, you can even check out

some of the ideas I already came up with! Oh, that's...

kind of you, Zoe, but I've got some totally original ideas!

We won't be needing these any more,

but I will be needing some more hot mayo

and some pan flute music. It helps me think.

Now divide by zero, carry the pi, and... there!

Quigley's party is hereby planned! Om-om!

Ball pit, bobbing for apples, pin the tail on the donkey?

What do you think?

You, uh... certainly have some kiddie classics here!

I know, right?

Uh, well, Quigley's about to be a teenager.

Maybe her party should have some things that are... cooler?

Cooler? What's cooler than a face-painting booth?

You can get a rainbow painted on your face!

True, but... ALARM BLARES

Oh, no. What is it?

While I've been planning an Earth party,

I've completely missed the long-range sensors

warning us about an alien one! What are you talking about?!

A Hedonoid party-bus ship is on its way to Earth

to throw a party, right here in Roddenberry!

What? No! We can't let aliens do ANYTHING in Roddenberry!

Uh, present company excluded. Thanks.

Hedonoids are the last alien race we want to visit.

I've known too many galactic cities

that fell victim to Hedonoid parties.

It took them years to dig them out from the streamers... and confetti.

HEDONOIDS JABBER The frosting...

It was... everywhere. No.

I will NOT let that happen to Roddenberry!

But why are they coming here?

Roddenberry's not exactly party central.

Uh... Well... Uh... Ulav, what did you do?

Ah... I may have written some glowing five-star reviews

of Roddenberry on some travel sites. Which ones?

All... of them? How many reviews?

Uh, five hundred...

Wow, that's a lot. But it could be worse. ..thousand.

You wrote 500,000 five-star reviews?!

No! Some of them were ten-star. A few 12s. I'm a fast typer!

And you know I'm a people person. I want to be seen! But I can't be,

so I do what any social butterfly with clipped wings would do.

I write online reviews. But here! On Earth!

I've never sent any of my reviews into space. Uh, Ulav?

Did you remember to point this IA internet-monitoring satellite

back towards Earth after you finished its maintenance diagnostic?

Oh, I knew I forgot something!

I was microwaving mayonnaise and... Ulav!

You've been beaming Earth's internet out into space for a month!

No wonder the Hedonoids are headed here!

BEEPING

I can fix this. I'll just hail them and tell them to turn around!

'Ship out of hailing range.'

Great (!) By the time they're in range, it'll be too late.

Maybe not. Activate Galactic Greeting Charm!

GASPS Of course!

Earth to Hedonoid Party Bus, come in, please.

WHIRRING

Yeah! Whoo! Yeah!

Ah! Ha-ha-ha!

Yeah! Oh, yeah! Whoo! Chicka-chicka-chicka-bop!

Whoo! What can I do for you, little lady?

Sorry, Captain, but Earth is closed.

Ha-ha! No problem! We will open it up!

Uh... there's been a leak of radioactive waste!

Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Yeah! Lucky day!

That is the main ingredient in our Radioactive Punch! Yeah!

And a zombie plague.

Woohoo! They're all invited! He-he!

Hey, Captain, how many balloons can you pop

with your butt in 60 seconds?

Stev says 40! 40?

Ha! In my sleep!

Start inflating, boys! I've got some captaining to do!

Woohoo! Yeah! Whoo!

Ah-ha-ha-ha!

Hey, guys. What's going on? ULAV STUTTERS

The Hedonoids, the galaxy's most destructive partiers,

are headed straight for Roddenberry, and we have to stop them!

Hedonoids... Says here the species values partying above all else...

until they become parents,

then they devote their entire lives to stopping parties.

Hedonoid mothers are especially feared.

Hey, that's the Captain!

Whoa, I wouldn't want to get on his mom's bad side either.

Whenever my mom says we're going to visit my Aunt Lulu,

I just make an excuse about schoolwork and disappear.

Too bad we can't make the Earth disappear. That's it!

IA's been working on a prototype planetary cloaking device.

If this works, planet Earth will disappear from view,

they will think they've taken a wrong turn.

They'll be forced to find another party spot!

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Done and done!

BEEPING, SATELLITE SHUTS DOWN

ALL EXCLAIM 'Cloaking device failed.'

Well, that's what we get for buying satellites at galactic flea markets.

"We"? Why is everyone on my case?!

Hm?

Hey, what are those?

You didn't get all of them? Sorry, I got distracted!

The counting game? HE WHISTLES

Ring-toss? He-he... Follow the leader?

Oh, no... Guys, this is brilliant. Huh?

Ha-ha! These party games are just...

so... so... lame!

What?! Those aren't, uh... party plans.

They're... soiree strategies. And I've never seen them before.

And they're NOT lame! Oh! Oh, you're being modest, Ulav.

These are SO lame, which is what's genius!

What better way to drive a ship full of total partiers off

than with a total dud party?

ULAV SOBS Ignore them, Ulav.

Your plans are great. Just play along

so you don't ruin Quigley's surprise.

Ha! I mean, they're just truly awful.

Dreadful! Perfect solution to driving away the Hedonoids!

OK, that's enough about the plans. Which are totally cool, by the way!

So cool the Hedonoids will be scared off

because of, uh... how cool they are.

Ha-ha! Like this patty-cake contest?!

Ah-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Zoe, it's OK.

I'm an IA agent. If saving Roddenberry means

accepting that my party ideas are lame, I'm in.

Ah, OK. Team, we need to get this party ready

before the Hedonoids arrive.

Let's move. And I think I might've found the perfect party spot.

The school cafeteria! It's Sunday, so no-one will be there.

It's indoors to keep the Hedonoids out of sight,

and seriously, what better place for a lame party than school?

It's still got the decorations up

from the "A Salute to Indoor Voices" party.

Ha-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha!

Ah-ha-ha! Perfect.

Right. Then here's the plan...

We get the Hedonoids to beam down at the school.

Then we just need to keep them in the cafeteria and away from town

until they're so bored, they just turn tail and leave.

Foolproof. Let's get to work.

SHE GROANS

Ha-ha-ha...

Ah! Whoa! Whoa!

Ha-ha-ha! Wow.

It's perfect! SHE GASPS

But there's still one thing we have to do.

Can we make a rule? No photos?

BEEPING

They are entering orbit! Send them our coordinates.

And... sent. Let's party.

Hey, hey! BLOWS RASPBERRY

LAUGHTER So, this is Roddenberry, huh?

Let's see what makes this a 12-star town!

Yeah! You can do it.

He-he-he... Greetings! I am Ulav the Clown.

Allow me to welcome you to Earth.

Ulav! My main man! Heard this place was party central!

You, uh... heard right! THEY CHEER, BABBLE

Now, if you'll walk this way,

I'll show you the fun activities we have planned.

Lead the way, little man! Here's our pinata,

filled with nothing but sugar-free black liquorice -

everyone's favourite!

Huh? Huh?

Well, hey, at least whacking it'll be fun!

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. There's no whacking.

Too dangerous. Instead, you simply unzip it

to get your tasty treat!

Mmm! Tastes like fun! Follow me, please.

Here we have a classic - bobbing for apples!

We made sure all the apples are

several weeks past their sell-by date so they're nice and mushy.

Wouldn't want you to chip a tooth!

Ew! Ew! Ew!

Here's my personal favourite. The ball pit!

We've replaced all the balls with cabbage,

to make them easier to sanitise.

You tear the outer leaves off after each play session!

You'll notice there's only one head of cabbage,

just to keep the sanitising quick. Fun can't wait!

Now, I know what you're thinking...

"How can this party possibly get any more fun?"

I'll show you how. Balloon animals!

Show us what you've got, clowns!

BALLOON SQUEAKS

MARKER SQUEAKS

Here's a slithery snake! Ha-ha... Who wants a spider?

BALLOON SQUEAKS Uh... Uh... Ah!

He-he... Uh, I mean...

BALLOON SQUEAKS ...a silly cucumber!

Huh? Ooh! A spooky hot dog?

Huh? Huh? Huh?

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Ah-ha-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha-ha!

You guys are a hoot! You really had us going there.

Now let's start the REAL party! Whoo!

Ha-ha! Yeah!

BABBLING

SCREECHING, LAUGHTER

Ha-ha-ha! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!

Ha! Ha!

Incoming, skidmarks!

Om-nom-nom!

Hey, Party Band! Get down here!

UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS

CHEERING, LAUGHTER

At least they haven't left the cafeteria, right?

Come on, Hedes, let's take the fun outside!

You can't contain a Hedonoid party! CHEERING

Oh, no, they don't! Activate Force Field Charm!

CHEERING Uh!

Yes! It's unbreakable! Force field? Ha!

They tried that on Orly IV to stop us from partying

during their "Festival of Silence".

And did that stop us? No! No!

Pry it! Pry it! Pry it! GASPING

Uh... Oh... They're lifting it!

CHEERING

Gotta hand it to 'em, great teamwork.

We have to get them back in here before anyone sees! How?!

It says here Hedonoid mothers are especially feared.

ZOE GASPS That's it!

Meet me on the field.

Ulav, you should stay here.

You need to make sure that the robot band doesn't try, uh...

hacking into the school's computers!

It could cause an intergalactic school incident! Good thinking.

CHEERING Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Yeah! Oh, my gosh, so fun! Hey!

LAUGHTER OK, here's the play...

We're going to get the Hedonoids back in the cafeteria.

Why don't we just try to get them to their ship?

ZOE SIGHS

Look, I wasn't gonna say anything, but...

Ulav came up with all these party plans for you, Quigley.

This was for your surprise party.

QUIGLEY GASPS What?

I didn't know! Oh, poor Ulav. We were so mean!

I can't believe I laughed so much.

What do we do? Here's what we do.

We get the Hedonoids to attend Ulav's party AND enjoy themselves.

Yeah, how are we gonna do that? I have an idea.

Uh!

CHEERING, LAUGHTER

Whoo! Snorvak?!

Snorvak! Are you and your friends partying

when you should be studying?

You come back home with me right this instant!

Captain! It's your mom!

Ha-ha-ha... No! You can't make us!

Unless you want me to call all your moms to come get you,

you're going to get inside and enjoy my friend Ulav's party

that he worked so hard on if it's the last thing you do!

THEY WHIMPER

Back to the building! THEY EXCLAIM

The horror! Hm!

Ha-ha! Ha-ha!

UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS

I put everything I had into this party.

And what did I get in return? Laughed at.

I couldn't possibly be more humiliated. Make way! Ah!

ULAV GASPS Oh!

Uh! Ooh!

Argh...

THEY PANT Uh! Ha-ha!

Uh... Ulav? SNIFFS

Can we please come back to your party?

Yeah! More black liquorice! I love the mushy apples!

Aw, sure thing! Maestro, a little accordion music.

UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS Party on!

He-he...

Ah-ha-ha-ha! Uh!

Score! Ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Yeah! Oh, boy... Ha-ha!

Uh! Ah-ha-ha!

Woohoo! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

So, uh... CLEARS THROAT

Do you think we could, um... leave now? Please?

Whoo! Ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha! Me next!

Ha-ha-ha! Whoo! Ha-ha-ha!

Yeah. Have a safe trip, Captain. Hedonoids, let's get out of here!

CHEERING, BABBLING

Woohoo! Ha-ha-ha! CHEERING

Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!

This was the best party EVER, Ulav. Thank you!

Hey, you think you could plan my birthday party next?

ULAV GASPS I have ideas!

Potato sack race!

But instead of a potato sack, we use our imaginations!

Less chance of falling that way. Then alphabet song sing-a-long! Mm!

♪ A-B-C-D-E-F-G... ♪

Everybody! # H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P! ♪

THEY LAUGH

I can see why you always got along so well with Ulav, Dad.

He can go a bit overboard sometimes,

but his hearts are in the right place.

All three of them. He-he...

I hope I can be as good a friend to him as you were.

Because he sure is a good friend to me.

I mean, he did give me this trophy for winning the patty-cake contest.

SHE CHUCKLES I killed it.

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