Original subtitles

Welcome, welcome, welcome to the Tonight Show.

You're here.

You made it. Thank you for watching.

Well, guys, earlier tonight, President Trump delivered his State of the Union

address. And if you didn't want to watch Trump, there was an alternate State of

the Union with Bad Bunny in set.

Yeah, tonight Trump walked into the Capitol where he saw members of the

Senate, and Supreme Court and was like, oh crap, is this an intervention?

Trump was greeted by the House, the Senate, and Supreme Court, and he said,

everyone I hate in one room. Amazing.

But tonight Trump's speech focused on his major accomplishments, and when

eight seconds were up, he just riffed for an hour and a half.

It was...

It was basically two hours of Trump telling us how great he is.

I feel like we've been getting that State of the Union address every day

he took office.

But the theme of Trump's speech was America at 250.

Strong, prosperous, and respected.

I'm pretty sure those words were taken off the pillows off my grandma's couch.

Don't sit down there yet.

Yeah, tonight President Trump delivered his State of the Union address.

Like it always goes, he received many applause breaks and standing ovations by

his own party.

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like none of the applause breaks or standing

ovations ever feel real.

They're always so pre -planned. You guys know what I mean?

That is so kind. Thank you. But you'd only do something like that if it was

earned, right?

Exactly. It's not like we'd have some planned clapping choreography where one

side would stand up and then the other side would stand up and then the last

section would stand up. You know what I'm talking about?

That'd just be weird, because at the end of the day, if we forced you guys to

applaud, then what is the fun in that?

I mean, like, could you all imagine if we told you all to do one single clap?

It'd be ridiculous.

I'm glad you guys get it. All right, let's move on. Let's move on.

Hey, guess this. A new poll found that Americans think Trump is growing more

erratic with age.

Yeah, you think he's bad now? Just wait until he hits the terrible 82s.

That's real life.

Some news from overseas. Kim Jong -un was just re -elected as the leader of

party in North Korea.

It was a real nail -biter. He couldn't decide whether to elect himself by 100 %

or 200%. How much do I want to win this?

Close.

Apparently, Kim Jong -un is contemplating who he will pass the torch

Right now, it's between Kim Jong -vance and Kim Jong -rubia.

Well, some TV news. The contestants for the new season of The Bachelorette were

just announced.

Yeah, so far all we know about them are their names and jobs.

Here's what they had to say. First, Casey said, I'm an entrepreneur who's

to find the one.

Then Clayton said, I'm also an entrepreneur who's ready to find the

Then Conrad said, I'm ready to find the one, and by the way, I'm an

entrepreneur.

And Kevin said, I'm ready to find an entrepreneur.

I'm the one.

Then Michael said, I'm an astrophysicist. If by astro you mean

by physicist you mean who's ready to find the one.

And then Matt said, entrepreneur me one who's find I ready am.

And finally, Josh said, I'm only here because I want to be on Dancing with the

Stars one day.

This is being honest.

Honesty is...

And finally, before we move on, I'd like to take a moment to thank some of our

sponsors for tonight's show. They don't always fit in the commercial breaks, and

we want to make sure that we mention all of them. It's time for Tonight Show

Sponsors.

Tonight Show Sponsors. Tonight Show Sponsors.

Sonos. Sometimes we actually work.

Chewy. Make the mailman carry a 65 -pound bag of dog food.

Butterfinger. We managed to name a candy and include both finger and butt.

Yelp. Come see what a random Tammy thinks.

Hoka. For running as a two -inch taller person.

Panda Express. Our name sounds like we serve Panda, but, well, actually, maybe.

365 Tomato Ketchup. If you really didn't want anyone to come to your barbecue,

you could have just canceled.

Rivian.

Drive -brag your tax return.

Apple Watch.

Spend $300 for your wrist to tell you to go for a walk.

And finally, cinnamon Altoids. Now your breath smells a different kind of bad.

That's all for tonight's show sponsors. We have a great show.

Courtney Cox is here tonight.