Original subtitles

- JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT YOU'D SEEN IT ALL...

- ENOUGH!

- THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS

ARE BACK AT THE DINNER TABLE.

- THIS IS ALL BULL[bleep] TO ME.

- BUT THAT'S WHO I AM, KYLE.

- NO, THAT'S NOT WHO YOU ARE, CAMILLE,

THAT'S WHO YOU ARE PRETENDING TO BE.

- THIS IS THE DINNER PARTY FROM HELL

WITH ALL NEW INTERVIEWS AND FOOTAGE

THE HOUSEWIVES NEVER WANTED YOU TO SEE.

- I TRIED TO KICK THEM OUT IN A SUBTLE TONE

AND THEY DIDN'T LEAVE,

AND I'M LIKE, "THEN [bleep] LEAVE."

- I SAW INTERNET PICTURES OF HER WITH HER LEGS SPREAD.

- ONE OF THEM WILL KILL THE OTHER TO FEED THEIR YOUNG.

- [gasp] WHAT IS THAT?

- IS THAT A KNEE? - OH!

- LUCIFER HAS MANY FACES.

- WOW, I'VE NEVER SEEN HER FROM THAT ANGLE.

[laughter]

- HOLD ONTO YOUR CRYSTAL BALLS

AND GRAB YOUR ELECTRIC CIGARETTE,

YOU'RE INVITED BACK TO THE TABLE

AT THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS DINNER IN HOUSEWIVES HISTORY.

BET ALLISON DIDN'T SEE THIS COMING.

[upbeat music]

- OKAY, ENOUGH. GIRLS, ENOUGH.

ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH!

♪♪ ♪♪

- I MEAN, IT'S A FEW CLOWNS SHORT OF A CIRCUS.

♪♪ ♪♪

- THE MEDIUM, I SAW HER DOWN I THINK TWO OR THREE COCKTAILS.

♪♪ ♪♪

- WHY DON'T YOU GO BLOW UP YOUR LIPS SOME MORE?

♪♪ ♪♪

- THIS IS ALL BULL[bleep] TO ME, OKAY?

♪♪ ♪♪

- SHE POSED NAKED IN PLAYBOY AFTER THE OJ TRIAL.

♪♪ ♪♪

- SO YOU'RE READY FOR A COCKTAIL AS WELL?

- OH, I AM SO READY FOR A COCKTAIL.

- I WAITED UNTIL I GOT HERE. - I KNOW. I GOT YOUR TEXT.

- GET YOURSELF ALL NICE AND READY.

- WE'RE PREPARED. - YEAH.

- I LIKE ALLISON BECAUSE

SHE SHOOTS STRAIGHT FROM THE HIP.

NO BULL[bleep].

- SO DO YOU WANNA HAVE A COCKTAIL?

- ABSOLUTELY. - YEAH.

- WHEN I INVITED ALLISON, THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO SET-UP.

AND I THOUGHT THE GIRLS WOULD ENJOY MEETING HER

BECAUSE SHE'S GOT A GREAT PERSONALITY.

- THANK YOU. AT SOME POINT WE'LL NEED

SOMEBODY TO CARRY THOSE FOR US.

- OKAY, I'M LEAVING.

- BYE, GIRLS. - ALEXIA, TEXT IN WITH ME

AND CHECK. - I WILL!

- I JUST HAD THIS FEELING THAT,

HMM, THIS COULD BE NOT A GOOD SITUATION.

SO HAVING FAYE THERE,

I THOUGHT "OKAY, I SHOULD BE SAFE. "

HMM, WHO KNEW? [chuckles]

WHOO-HOO-HOO. HI, HOW ARE YOU?

- KYLE TOLD ME EVERY LAST BIT

OF WHAT HAPPENED IN NEW YORK. SHE TOLD ME EVERYTHING.

IN MY OPINION, I THINK ACTUALLY CAMILLE IS SICK.

I THINK SHE NEEDS TREATMENT.

- KYLE HAD ASKED ME IF IT WAS OKAY TO BRING A FRIEND.

AND SHE DIDN'T--ON THE PHONE WHEN SHE HAD ASKED,

SHE DIDN'T SAY WHO IT WAS.

SO I DIDN'T KNOW WHO IT WAS, BASICALLY, UNTIL SHE GOT HERE.

- OH, NICE.

- IT'S GOOD LUCK. - WHAT HAPPENED?

- I THOUGHT HE SLAMMED IT IN THE DOOR.

CAN YOU IMAGINE GETTING KILLED BY A STRAND OF PEARLS?

- ACTUALLY...YES. [laughing]

- THAT'S OKAY. - IF THEY'RE REAL.

- THERE ARE WORSE WAYS OF GETTING KILLED.

- [laughing]

- ONE OF THE GIRLS WHO'S GONNA BE THERE TONIGHT,

THE SHOW MEDIUM IS BASED AROUND HER.

CAMILLE SAID THE MORE A-- MORE SHE DRINKS,

THE MORE LIKELY SHE IS TO HAVE A--A FEELING.

- MY GIRLFRIEND ALLISON DOES LIKE TO DRINK.

SHE ENJOYS A COCKTAIL.

AND WHEN SHE HAS TOO MANY, SHE MAY...

HIT BELOW THE BELT A BIT.

- HERE. CHEERS. - CHEERS.

- HERE'S TO OLD FRIENDS AND NEW FRIENDS.

- I KNOW. MY NEW FRIENDS THAT YOU'LL MEET TONIGHT.

- AND NEW FRIENDS THAT MAY END UP BEING OLD FRIENDS.

- OH, YES, THEY'RE READY.

SOME OF THEM ARE OUT THE DOOR ALREADY.

[laughter]

BY CHOICE. MY CHOICE. BUT...

- WOW.

- I HADN'T ANY IDEA THAT SHE DID PLAYBOY.

- I'M SO SCARED. WHAT?

[giggles] - THE CHATTER IS ALL AROUND

ABOUT... - SHE DID SOMETHING PLAYBOY.

- RIGHT. BUT SOMEBODY SHOWED-- SENT ME A PHOTOGRAPH.

AND IT DID NOT LOOK LIKE A PLAYBOY SHOT.

IT LOOKED MORE LIKE A PORN SHOT.

- WHAT DO YOU KNOW THAT I DON'T KNOW?

- I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW THAT I DON'T KNOW?

- I'M NOT SAYING ANYTHING MORE.

- I KNEW EVERYTHING ABOUT CAMILLE'S PAST.

I KNEW SHE WAS AN EXOTIC DANCER,

I KNEW SHE HAD DONE TWO SOFT PORNOS,

I HAD KNOWN SHE HAD DONE PLAYBOY.

- MM-MM.

- AND I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON

AND WHY SHE WOULD DO THIS TO YOU.

- JUST MAKE YOUR OWN JUDGMENT, YOU KNOW,

YOU LOOK TONIGHT AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.

- ADRIENNE. - YES?

- ARE YOU PREPARED? - THERE'S NO WAY THINGS

ARE GONNA GO AWRY WITH ADRIENNE IN TOW.

- NO, I KNOW. - ON THE WAY TO CAMILLE'S HOUSE,

I ABSOLUTELY WAS NERVOUS THAT WE WERE GONNA HAVE TENSION.

BUT I THOUGHT, "OH, WE'LL DEFINITELY BEHAVE LIKE LADIES

CONSIDERING THERE WILL BE OTHER PEOPLE THERE."

[giggles]

- WE STILL HAVE HORSES. YEAH.

WE BRING OUR HORSES HERE ONCE IN A WHILE.

- OH, LOOK, YOUR FRIENDS ARE HERE.

- HI, GUYS!

- THIS IS STUNNING. WOW.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.

MWAH. MWAH.

- I CAN SEE WHY YOU NEVER LEAVE. IT'S SO GORGEOUS.

MWAH. MWAH.

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN SO LONG.

- THIS IS ALLISON DUBOIS. THIS IS LISA.

IT'S MY GIRLFRIEND ADRIENNE.

- HI, NICE TO MEET YOU. - AND THIS IS TAYLOR.

- WHEN WE WALKED IN AND MET ALLISON,

I COULD FEEL HER REALLY SIZING US UP.

SHE WAS LOOKING US UP AND DOWN,

AND KIND OF SCANNING EACH OF US.

AND I FELT LIKE I WAS GETTING SIZED UP FOR AN ATTACK.

- I ALSO FELT LIKE I WANTED TO BUY HER A NEW CARDIGAN.

- YOU KNOW THAT SHOW MEDIUM ON TV...

- YEAH, I'VE NEVER SEEN IT. - YEAH, THAT'S HER.

IT'S ABOUT HER. - IT'S ABOUT YOU,

OR YOU'RE IN IT? - IT'S BASED ON HER LIFE.

- PATRICIA ARQUETTE PLAYS ME. - OH.

- SO YOU CONSULT ON IT? - YES.

BUT I HAVE THIS WHOLE OTHER LIFE

OF ACTUALLY HAVING A JOB-- LIKE DOING SOMETHING REAL.

AND PROFILING SERIAL KILLERS. - OH, REALLY?

- BUT THE SHOW IS A NICE ADDITION.

IT SHOWS PEOPLE WHAT I DO.

- OH, GOSH, I MUST WATCH IT.

OOPS! IT'S BEEN CANCELLED.

WHERE'S KYLE? I'VE BET THEY'VE GONE SOMEWHERE ELSE.

- THEY'RE ALWAYS LATE. - THEY'VE CHICKENED OUT.

- AS SOON AS I KNEW CAMILLE HAD TWO FRIENDS,

YOU BETTER BELIEVE I WAS HAPPY

THAT I HAD FAYE COMING WITH ME.

- I FELT LIKE I WAS WALKING INTO THE LION'S DEN.

CAMILLE ASKED ALLISON AND D.D. TO COME IN FOR THE KILL.

- HI. - HEY, KIM.

THANK YOU FOR COMING. - THANK YOU.

- IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU. - YOUR HOUSE IS BEAUTIFUL.

- THANK YOU. KYLE. - HI.

HOW ARE YOU? - THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.

- THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.

HERE'S A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR HAVING US HERE.

- THANK YOU. - THANK YOU.

- I WAS A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE GOING THERE.

I JUST KEPT THINKING THIS DOES NOT FEEL LIKE A GENUINE

LET'S-GET-TOGETHER-AND- SMOOTH-THINGS-OVER SITUATION.

- FAYE, CAMILLE GRAMMER. - NICE TO MEET YOU.

- BEAUTIFUL PROPERTY. - WELCOME TO MY HOUSE.

- THANK YOU. - THANK YOU FOR COMING.

- VERY SWEET.

- FAYE RESNICK CAME INTO MY HOME AND SHOOK MY HAND.

I KNEW IMMEDIATELY WHAT SHE WAS THERE FOR.

I FELT HER ENERGY, I DIDN'T FEEL SHE WAS SINCERE,

AND I THINK HER INTENTION WAS SHE WAS READY TO ATTACK.

SERIOUSLY, SO THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE DRIVER.

- CAMILLE'S COCKTAIL WAS LIKE A BOWL OF SOUP.

IT WAS HUGE.

YUMMY. AND I TOOK A COUPLE OF SIPS,

AND IT WAS OBVIOUSLY DESIGNED TO KIND OF BLOW YOUR SOCKS OFF.

- THESE ARE GINORMOUS.

- CHEERS. [giggles]

- I WAS EXCITED TO MEET THE MEDIUM.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE, YOU KNOW, WHAT TURNS UP.

- SHE DOESN'T DO READINGS, SHE'S A MEDIUM,

SO SHE KIND OF... - SHE SEES THINGS.

AND IF SHE SEES SOMETHING, THEN SHE'LL TELL YOU.

- I'M SO RUDE BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW

IF SHE'S HERE TO RELAX, OR...

- I DON'T THINK SHE'S WORKING.

- I DON'T THINK SO EITHER.

- OKAY, LET'S PUT HER TO THE TEST.

- LET'S DO IT. - LET'S GIVE HER A WORKOUT.

- [giggles]

- OKAY, I THINK WE'RE GONNA MAKE OUR WAY

OVER TO THE DINING ROOM.

- I HOPE THEY BRING THE PITCHER FOR US.

WE'RE HAVING A GIRL'S NIGHT, RIGHT?

- I KNOW, CHEERS, YEAH. - [laughing]

- MY TWO GUESTS OF HONOR, SIT HERE.

BUT YOU'RE ALL MY GUESTS OF HONOR.

BUT I'M GONNA HAVE D.D. AND ALLISON SIT NEXT TO ME.

AND THEN YOU GUYS SIT WHEREVER YOU WANT.

- CHEERS, EVERYBODY. [overlapping chatter]

- WHEN WE FIRST SHOWED UP, WE WERE ACTUALLY INTRIGUED

BY THE FACT THAT THERE WAS A PSYCHIC THERE.

- SHE WAS A BIT ODD.

AND I COULD TELL THAT SHE HAD AN AWKWARD ENERGY TOWARD US.

- THE FLOWERS ARE AMAZING. - THANK YOU.

- YOU DID A GREAT JOB WITH THE FLOWERS.

- CHEERS.

- WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING?

- [giggles]

- I'VE HAD, LIKE, FOUR COKES.

- YOU'VE HAD FOUR COKES AND YOU'RE LOOKING THAT HAPPY?

- [giggles] I GUESS.

- I BEG TO DIFFER, MA'AM.

- YEAH, I'M NOT... - REALLY?

- NO, NOT USUALLY. [giggles]

- BUT YOU'RE A LOT OF FUN. - I AM.

- YEAH, YOU ARE. - I HAVE A LOT OF FUN.

- I THINK I LIKE YOU. - I LIKE YOU TOO.

I LIKE YOUR ENERGY, I LIKE YOUR VIBE.

SO, YOU KNOW...YEAH.

- BUT I AM MAKING SURE THAT THE ELIXIR

THAT THEY MIXED FOR US TONIGHT--

- CAN YOU JUST MAKE SURE IT'S ALL RIGHT FOR EVERYBODY?

- GIRL, I THINK I'VE TESTED IT ENOUGH

TO MAKE SURE THAT IT'S TRIED AND TRUE.

- I HAVE A FEELING YOU'VE TESTED ENOUGH.

- I HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS ABOUT TO TRANSPIRE.

- IT'S SATURDAY. AND SEE, I'M STILL YOUNG,

SO WHEN SATURDAY HITS, I GET ALL EXCITED.

AND I'M, LIKE, "YEAH. WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO," RIGHT?

AND THAT PART OF ME STILL COMES OUT.

AND IT'S A GIRLS' NIGHT.

SO WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD.

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE REALLY, REALLY BAD

IN A CONTROLLED SETTING.

LIFE IS SO CRIPPLING SOMETIMES.

IT'S NICE TO ACTUALLY

BE IN CONTROL OF YOUR ANNIHILATION.

- IN CONTROL OF YOUR ANNIHILATION?

IS SHE ABOUT TO ANNIHILATE ME?

- [giggles]

- COMING UP...

- ALLISON, IS MY GRANDMOTHER HERE?

- THE FACT THAT YOU WOULD EVEN ASK THAT

WOULD OFFEND HER.

[indistinct chatter]

- MY ANGEL OF MERCY.

[laughter]

- I ACTUALLY SAT NEXT TO ALLISON,

WHO HAPPENS TO BE THE MEDIUM.

AND, OF COURSE, WHEN I FIRST MET HER,

I THOUGHT SHE WAS A LITTLE STRANGE.

- I ALWAYS SAY I'M A SECRETARY TO THE DEAD.

I'M A GLORIFIED SEC--I TAKE NOTES, AND I PASS THEM ON.

- THAT'S AMAZING. BUT I GUESS

IF YOU'RE TALKING TO DEAD PEOPLE YOU WOULD BE.

- SO NOW, HOW DO YOU KNOW FAYE?

AND WHO IS FAYE?

I KNOW--I MEAN, THIS IS-- I KNOW SHE LOOKS FAMILIAR.

BUT I DON'T KNOW WHO FAYE IS.

- SHE'S A VERY CLOSE FAMILY FRIEND.

I CONSIDER HER LIKE A SISTER. - OH, THAT'S NICE.

AND YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW HER?

I SAW HER NAKED IN PLAYBOY.

THAT'S HOW I KNOW FAYE.

- "OH...FAYE... [sigh]

I JUST REALIZED,"

LIKE SHE JUST OPENED UP A MAGAZINE LAST WEEK

AND HAPPENED TO SEE IT.

- SHE POSED NAKED IN PLAYBOY AFTER THE O.J. TRIAL.

THAT'S HER.

AND I THOUGHT YOU LOOKED AMAZING.

- THANK YOU.

- I RECOGNIZED DURING THE DINNER--

IT WAS THE HAIR. I THINK IT'S THE EXTENSIONS

AND THE BLOWN UP FAKE LIPS. BUT, UM...

AND THEN I REALIZED, "OH, MY GOD, THAT'S WHO IT IS.

IT'S FAYE RESNICK."

THE MORALLY CORRUPT FAYE RESNICK.

- HOW RUDE.

I MEAN, HOW CAN YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

HOW CAN YOU BE SO JUDGMENTAL, WITH YOUR PAST?

- I FELT LIKE I WAS BLIND SIGHTED.

IT WAS, LIKE, AN UNPROVOKED ATTACK

THAT CAME OUT OF NOWHERE. I LOVED IT.

AND I HAVE TO SAY THAT I LOVED YOUR SPREAD.

- LITERALLY.

[laughter]

I DIDN'T SPREAD. - NO, YOU DIDN'T.

- I JUST WANTED TO JUST, LIKE, STOP.

WHAT? WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?

LET'S TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT, YOU KNOW,

YOU ARE LIVING IN A GLASS HOUSE, WOMAN.

BUT I CONTROLLED MYSELF.

- CAMILLE...

DIDN'T YOU DO PLAYBOY?

- YES. - YOU DID.

WHEN DID YOU DO PLAYBOY? - YEARS AGO.

THAT'S WHEN I MET KELSEY.

- I FELT LIKE CAMILLE HAD PLANNED IT OUT

TO SAY THAT TO FAYE ALL ALONG.

SO AS SOON AS SHE SAID THAT, I THOUGHT,

"YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M GONNA HAVE TO REMIND YOU

THAT YOU DID THE SAME. AND MORE."

- THE REALITY, CAMILLE, IS, YOU KNOW, I DID PLAYBOY,

BUT I DIDN'T "SPREAD."

LIKE SHE HAD DONE.

I DIDN'T DO THE MAIN--

IT WAS JUST A-- LIKE, A SUPPLEMENT.

I WASN'T--I DID THE, UM, PLAYBOY BOOK OF LINGERIE.

- IT'S CLOTHED.

- WHAT?

- LINGERIE? I THOUGHT THE WHOLE POINT OF PLAYBOY

WAS NO LINGERIE.

- I MEAN, OKAY, WE GOT INTO THIS CONVERSATION

HOW I POSED FOR PLAYBOY TOO,

BUT I WAS IN MY EARLY 20s.

IT WASN'T COMING OFF OF A BIG MURDER TRIAL

THAT MY GIRLFRIEND WAS KILLED!

YOU KNOW, THAT'S JUST A WHOLE DIFFERENT--

I CAN'T--THOSE KIND OF PEOPLE I DON'T UNDERSTAND

AND I DON'T WANT TO ASSOCIATE WITH.

I DON'T LIKE THEIR ENERGY,

I THINK THEY'RE TOXIC PEOPLE,

AND I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR ANYBODY

THAT DOES SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

- [giggles]

- THE MEDIUM WAS REALLY ENJOYING HERSELF,

BECAUSE I SAW HER DOWN, I THINK, TWO OR THREE COCKTAILS.

AND THESE WERE VERY STRONG COCKTAILS.

I ACTUALLY TOOK TWO SIPS AND I WAS, LIKE, "WOW."

- ALLISON, YEAH, SHE WAS KNOCKING BACK THE WITCHES' BREW.

- [giggles] - [giggles]

- I'M NOT SURE WHY YOU'D INVITE SOMEBODY

WHO YOU KNOW HITS BELOW THE BELT AFTER A FEW MARTINIS,

AND THEN SERVE THEM DRINKS IN SOMETHING I CAN TAKE A BATH IN.

- IT LOOKED MUCH BIGGER ON-CAMERA

THAN IT DOES IN PERSON. [chuckles]

- CHEERS.

- AAH!

- AND THEN ALLISON DUBOIS

PULLS OUT THIS ELECTRONIC CIGARETTE.

I THINK IT'S, LIKE, A PROP FROM SOME MOVIE OR SOMETHING.

- AND SHE WAS, LIKE... [inhales]

[exhales]

- MY GOD, HOW OBNOXIOUS.

- HER VAPORIZER CIGARETTE THAT WAS--

I GUESS THAT'S SO YOU DON'T INHALE THE SMOKE.

YOU'RE JUST INHALING THE VAPOR.

GOOD FOR ALLISON.

SHE DIDN'T WANNA SIT AT MY DINNER TABLE BLOWING SMOKE.

- BUT I THINK THAT ONE PERSON HERE

IS INTERESTED IN HAVING AN EXPERIENCE.

I KNOW THAT--THAT-- I MEAN, LISA IS DYING--

- LISA, I THINK YOU'RE THE ONE.

- LISA IS DYING TO HAVE ONE.

- OKAY, WELL,

I'LL MAKE YOU DINNER, BUT I DON'T WANT TO KNOW

IF MY HUSBAND'S CHEATING ON ME, JUST FOR THE RECORD.

BUT I WILL MAKE YOU DINNER.

[giggles]

- I HAD BROUGHT ALLISON BASICALLY AS A GUEST.

AND...

I DIDN'T WANT HER TO FEEL LIKE

SHE HAD TO PERFORM FOR ANYBODY THAT NIGHT.

- ALLISON, DO YOU KIND OF FEEL

LIKE PEOPLE HAVE PASSED AROUND?

- I DEFINITELY MAKE SURE WITH PEOPLE WHO DIED--

LIKE, IF I'M AT A DINNER PARTY WITH Y'ALL,

THEY GOT TO TAKE A SECOND CHAIR,

BECAUSE YOU ARE THE ONES THAT I'M FOCUSED ON.

BUT I HEAD TAP PEOPLE TOO. SO I PULL THOUGHTS.

- IF ALLISON ONLY KNEW WHAT I WAS THINKING.

- THE THOUGHTS SHE WOULD'VE PULLED FROM MY HEAD THAT NIGHT

WAS "GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE."

BUT, LIKE, I'LL BE ABLE TO, LIKE, TAP INTO SOMEBODY

AND BE, LIKE, "SHE HAS FATHER ISSUES.

"HER MOTHER KEPT HER MOUTH CLOSED.

"DIDN'T STAND UP TO THE FATHER.

"THAT'S WHY SHE HAS MOTHER ISSUES

AND THE DADDY ISSUES. DADDY WAS, LIKE, NEVER THERE."

AND SO I START PULLING THAT INFORMATION.

- ARE YOU HEAD TAPPING ME NOW? - NO.

NOT EXACTLY. - OH, GO ON.

- EVERYBODY WANTED HER TO PERFORM A READING.

AND YOU KNOW, SHE'S COMING TO SOMEBODY'S HOME

FOR A DINNER PARTY, SHE'S NOT COMING TO BE THE SHOW PONY.

- DON'T THINK I'M DOING THIS TO YOU LADIES

'CAUSE WE'RE HAVING A GIRLS' NIGHT, AND I RESPECT.

- AND WE RESPECT YOU

BECAUSE YOU WANT TO HAVE YOUR GIRLS' NIGHT TOO.

EXACTLY. - CAN'T YOU DO SOMETHING?

- I THINK I'VE BEEN HAVING A GREAT CONVERSATION WITH Y'ALL.

- NO, BUT I MEAN, CAN'T YOU-- IS MY GRANDMOTHER HERE?

I MEAN, TO ME IT'S LIKE A DOCTOR

AT A DINNER PARTY.

YOU'RE ALWAYS LIKE "OH, CAN YOU TELL ME

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME HERE?"

SO NATURALLY I'M GOING TO ASK HER

ABOUT HER CHOSEN PROFESSION.

- THE FACT THAT YOU WOULD EVEN ASK THAT WOULD OFFEND HER.

- OFFEND WHO? - YOUR GRANDMOTHER.

- NO, SHE'S VERY LIBERAL, VERY OPEN-MINDED.

- IT'S NOT ABOUT POLITICS.

IT'S ABOUT YOU KNOWING INSIDE THAT SHE'D BE WITH YOU.

THAT'S WHY SHE'D BE OFFENDED.

- DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE.

LIKE, LISA CANNOT SEE AND COMMUNICATE WITH DEAD PEOPLE.

SO WOULDN'T HER GRANDMOTHER KNOW THAT

AND BE LIKE, "I TOTALLY GET WHY YOU'RE ASKING?"

- YEAH, BUT I DON'T KNOW SHE IS WITH ME.

- I HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

YOU'RE THINKING, I'M FEELING.

THAT'S HOW WE'RE DIFFERENT. YOU OVERTHINK EVERYTHING.

BECAUSE IT'S TOO HARD TO FEEL IT.

- [bleep].

ANYBODY THAT KNOWS ME KNOWS THAT'S NOT TRUE.

YEAH, BUT I'VE LOOKED FOR HER SINCE SHE'S DIED.

- I UNDERSTAND. - EVERY DAY I LOOK FOR HER.

- BUT SHE'S THE MOTHER THAT RAISED YOU--

OR WAS THE MOTHER THAT YOU NEEDED, AND SO DO YOU.

YOU'RE BLOCKED BY PAIN BECAUSE YOU NEED HER.

- AS SOON AS SHE SAID SHE RAISED ME,

I KIND OF LOST INTEREST BECAUSE MY GRANDMOTHER DIDN'T.

- I BELIEVE YOU ARE VERY GENEROUS,

BUT AT THE SAME TIME YOU'RE GENEROUS

WITH PHYSICAL, LIVING... PROPERTIES.

- I COULD'VE LOVED MY-- - I THINK YOU DOLE

YOUR EMOTIONS OUT CAREFULLY. - NO.

- WELL... [giggles]

- LISA'S READING SOUNDED LIKE A CANNED STATEMENT.

I THINK LISA WAS A LITTLE OFFENDED BY THAT.

AND RIGHTFULLY SO.

- ANYBODY THAT KNOWS ME KNOWS EVEN THOUGH I'M ENGLISH,

I REALLY AM VERY IN TOUCH WITH MY EMOTIONS.

I LAUGH, I CRY, I... AND SO, TO ME,

I FELT THAT I WAS KIND OF TAKING A BIT OF A LOW BLOW.

- I WAS STUDIED BY A SCIENTIST FOR SEVERAL YEARS

AND ON OPRAH IN FRONT OF 70 MILLION PEOPLE.

I'M KIND OF LIKE A DRUG.

ONCE YOU GET ONE, YOU WANT IT AGAIN.

- OOH. - OOH.

- I'M JUST--I'M JUST PUTTING IT OUT THERE.

I'M JUST BEING HONEST.

- YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW IF ALLISON WAS

THERE FOR ENTERTAINMENT,

TO--YOU KNOW, SHE DOES HAVE THAT PERSONALITY

THAT CAN JUST... [inhales]

STIR THINGS UP.

- YOU KNOW WHAT, I HATE TO SAY IT,

BUT IF WE'RE HAVING A GIRLS' NIGHT,

I'M OFF THE CLOCK.

- WE'RE JUST CURIOUS.

IT'S NOT ANY FUN TO ME

UNLESS YOU SHOW ME WHAT YOU CAN DO.

SHE'S OFF THE CLOCK.

MAYBE I SHOULD WHIP OUT MY CREDIT CARD.

- [giggles]

- SHOULD I DO THAT, AND SAY, "HOW ABOUT NOW?

CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION NOW?"

- FUNNY. - I FELT THAT THE GIRLS KEPT

TAUNTING HER AND PUSHING HER TO READ,

AND I THINK THAT'S DISRESPECTFUL TO MY GUEST.

- DON'T TEMPT ME. REALLY.

- OOH!

- WHO WERE YOU LOOKING AT WHEN YOU SAID THAT?

- YOU KNOW WHAT? - TOUCHE, BABY.

- COMING UP...

- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? "DON'T TEMPT ME."

- WHEN SOMEBODY'S HUSBAND'S CHEATING ON THEM

OR SOMETHING, SHE'LL KNOW.

- ALLISON, ARE THERE ANY DEAD PEOPLE HERE TONIGHT?

- DON'T TEMPT ME. REALLY.

- OOH.

- WHO ARE YOU LOOKING AT WHEN YOU SAY THAT?

- TOUCHE, BABY.

- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? "DON'T TEMPT ME."

- I THOUGHT, "OH, NO. NO, DON'T, KYLE. SAVE YOURSELF.

I'M TELLING YOU. I FEEL THIS IS NOT A GOOD SITUATION."

- DON'T GET ME STARTED.

- BE HONEST. DO YOU REALLY WANT TO GO THERE?

'CAUSE SHE MIGHT PULL STUFF

THAT SOME PEOPLE WANT NOT WANT TO HEAR.

- YOU KNOW, IT'S BEST FOR HER TO PERFORM A READING

ONE-ON-ONE BECAUSE A LOT OF PERSONAL STUFF COMES UP.

SO IF SOMEBODY'S HUSBAND'S CHEATING ON THEM OR SOMETHING,

SHE'LL KNOW IT.

- IF SHE WAS SO PSYCHIC, HOW COME SHE DIDN'T SEE THAT--

WHAT KELSEY WAS DOING TO CAMILLE AS WE SAT THERE?

- WELL, COULDN'T YOU JUST TELL US STUFF

WITHOUT TELLING US ANYTHING SCARY?

- SOMETHING THAT'S NOT SCARY? OH, MY GOD.

BUT WHAT I WANT TO TELL YOU MIGHT BE IRRITATING TO YOU.

- TELL ME. I DON'T CARE.

- JUST SAY IT. JUST SAY IT. - I DON'T CARE.

- SHE'S FINE. - OKAY. OKAY.

HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED TWICE?

- UH-HUH. - OH.

- WELL, THEN THAT'S THE LAST ONE YOU HAVE.

I GUESS THAT'S GOOD NEWS. [laughs]

I WAS THINKING SHE WAS GOING TO HAVE TO GET MARRIED AGAIN.

WHICH MEANING YOU'D HAVE A DIVORCE.

- IF MY HUSBAND EVER LEAVES ME, I'M GOING WITH HIM.

- HE WILL NEVER EMOTIONALLY FULFILL YOU.

EVER. KNOW THAT.

- OH, MY GOSH.

HERE WE GO.

I WAS WAITING FOR KYLE TO FLY ACROSS THE TABLE.

- I DISAGREE, I DISAGREE. - WOW.

- WHO IS SHE TALKING TO ABOUT THIS?

LIKE, WHO IS THE PERSON ON THE OTHER SIDE?

THE DEAD PERSON WHO HAS SO MUCH INFORMATION

ABOUT THEIR EMOTIONAL FULFILLMENT?

- THAT ONE SENTENCE PISSED ME OFF

MORE THAN ALMOST ANYTHING.

- HE WILL NEVER EMOTIONALLY FULFILL YOU.

EVER. KNOW THAT.

- KNOW THAT.

- KNOW, THIS ONE.

HE WILL NEVER EMOTIONALLY FULFILL YOU,

BUT YOU WILL STAY WITH HIM

AND HE WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU.

AS SOON AS THE KIDS ARE BIGGER,

YOU'LL HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

HAVE YOU SEEN MY HUSBAND?

I MEAN, HELLO.

PLEASE.

- I DISAGREE. - I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.

I DON'T THINK ANYBODY DESERVES TO HEAR THAT.

BUT SHE PUSHED FOR IT.

- WAIT A SECOND. - NO, NO, IT'S OKAY.

- BUT WHAT I DO, PEOPLE DON'T SEE.

- NO, I KNOW, I KNOW THAT. - THEY DON'T SEE IT.

AND THEN IT HAPPENS, AND THEY'RE LIKE "OH, MY GOD."

- NO, I UNDERSTAND THAT. - I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS

BECAUSE SHE'D HAD A COUPLE OF DRINKS,

BUT WHEN YOU'RE PREDICTING

THAT SOMEBODY'S HUSBAND IS FOOLING AROUND ON THEM

AND YOU'RE SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO

THE PERSON WHO'S HUSBAND'S FOOLING AROUND

IS LIKE, UGH, COME ON.

- I DON'T SEE THAT, THOUGH.

I THINK THAT MAYBE ALLISON WAS GETTING A READ

ON KELSEY AND I'S MARRIAGE COMING TO A CLOSE.

BECAUSE I'M SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO HER.

- THERE'S GONNA BE A DIVISION THAT OCCURS.

I WISH ALLISON, IF SHE DID FEEL SOMETHING,

SHE WOULD'VE TOLD ME.

- ANYTHING ELSE?

- MAKE SURE THAT YOU PUT THE WALLS DOWN

FOR OTHER FEMALES COMING INTO THE LIFE.

I FEEL LIKE YOU TALK TO MALES MORE EASILY THAN FEMALES.

- THAT'S ME.

- I THINK YOU'RE MIXING HER UP WITH KYLE.

- THAT'S ME.

- THAT'S-- YEAH, MAYBE--I AM--

I AM MUCH MORE A GIRL'S GIRL.

- I AM DEFINITELY MORE COMFORTABLE AROUND MEN.

- I AM TOO. - I JUST DON'T.

- I FEEL ALSO WOMEN ARE VERY CATTY TO ME.

WOMEN HAVE ALWAYS BEEN REALLY CATTY.

- THEY ALWAYS WILL BE. THEY ALWAYS WILL BE.

- I KNOW THAT. SO I'VE ALWAYS BEEN GUARDED.

- WELL, OF COURSE PEOPLE ARE CATTY WITH CAMILLE,

OTHERWISE YOU CANNOT BE AROUND HER.

- GIRLS ARE VERY CATTY WITH HER.

AND INSECURE.

- IN NEW YORK. - THAT'S WHY WE HAD AN ISSUE.

- OH, NO. NOT NEW YORK.

- MAYBE YOU WERE MORE DEFENSIVE AND I WAS...

- YEAH, THAT COULD BE IT. - KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

- MAYBE I FELT I HAD TO BE DEFENSIVE.

- YOU'RE OFFENSIVE.

- ANY ISSUES THAT CAME ABOUT IN NEW YORK

WAS NO ILL--NO.

NO--I HAD NO ILL INTENTIONS.

- I THINK--I GUESS IT WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING.

SHE KNOWS NOTHING.

I DIDN'T TELL YOU ANYTHING ABOUT IT, DID I?

- NO, YOU HESITATED. - I JUST SAID

"I'M NOT GOING TO SAY ANYTHING.

BEFORE SHE GOT HERE, I SAID "I DON'T--

I'M NOT GOING TO SAY ANYTHING"

'CAUSE I DON'T WANT IT TO FEEL--

- THAT'S HARD FOR ME TO BELIEVE, HONESTLY.

THE REALITY-- THE REALITY OF IT--

AND I AM LIKE, HONEST GIRL BEYOND BELIEF.

- THAT'S DISMISSING WHAT I'M SAYING.

- I THOUGHT, "HERE WE GO."

[chatter overlapping]

- OH, OKAY, NOW I KNOW WHY FAYE'S HERE.

GOT IT.

I DON'T THINK ANYBODY SHOULD COME INTO ANYBODY'S HOME

AND ACCUSE THEM OF LYING. FAYE HIT WAY BELOW THE BELT.

- I HAD TO CALL BULL[bleep], HONESTLY.

IT JUST DID NOT MAKE SENSE TO ME.

- BY YOU SAYING THAT IS SAYING THAT I'M NOT TELLING THE TRUTH.

- GIRLFRIENDS TELL EACH OTHER WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON.

KYLE TELLS ME WHAT'S HAPPENING IN HER LIFE.

AND IF YOU WERE HER GOOD GIRLFRIEND,

YOU WOULD KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING IN HER LIFE.

- SO YOU'RE SAYING WE'RE NOT GOOD GIRLFRIENDS

BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T TELL ME WHAT WAS

HAPPENING IN NEW YORK? - MY PSYCHIC ABILITIES

TELLS ME NO.

- I KNOW MY GIRLFRIEND, ALLISON'S PERSONALITY.

AND I FELT LIKE SHE WAS GETTING PUSHED.

AND FAYE RESNICK QUESTIONED THE VALIDITY

OF HER GIFTS AND TALENT.

THAT WOULD UPSET ANYBODY.

- I KNOW MORE THAN YOU THINK I KNOW.

- IF SHE NEEDS MY HELP SHE WILL TELL ME.

SHE DOESN'T RELY ON ME, SHE CAN FIGHT HER OWN BATTLES.

IF SHE CAN'T FIGHT HER OWN BATTLES

AND YOU HAVE TO BE THERE, SO BE IT.

BUT DON'T SAY I'M NOT THERE FOR CAMILLE.

- DID YOU COME HERE TO DEFEND KYLE?

IS THAT WHY YOU CAME HERE, FAYE?

- NO, I CAME HERE TO BE WITH MY GIRLFRIEND.

- DID YOU COME HERE--

NO, I DON'T THINK SO AT THIS POINT.

I THINK-- - WHY? WHY?

- WHY? BECAUSE THE WAY YOU'RE TALKING

SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S CUED YOU IN, AND YOU CAME TO DEFEND HER.

- NO, NO, NO. WE ALL HAVE--

LET'S JUST GET HONEST.

- YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I'M ASKING YOU.

- YOU REMIND ME OF A CHEERLEADER.

- OOH, THAT WAS SO-- - I JUST THINK IT'S TIME--

- THIS IS SUCH A HYPOCRITICAL STATEMENT.

- THAT IS SO RICH.

- OH, MY GOD, THAT'S BAD NEWS. - THAT'S NOT TRUE.

- I FELT LIKE WE WERE BEING AMBUSHED.

AND FAYE CERTAINLY FELT LIKE WE WERE BEING AMBUSHED,

SO SHE ALSO GOT VERY DEFENSIVE.

- OKAY, I... - YOU'RE USED TO THAT.

- ALL I KNOW IS THERE WAS AN ATTACK MADE ON MY FRIEND.

- WAIT A SECOND. ATTACK?

WAIT A SECOND. WAIT A SECOND. WAIT A SECOND.

- LET'S NOT GO BACKWARDS.

- DID I THINK IT WAS A SETUP? ABSOLUTELY.

YEAH. I THOUGHT FAYE WAS THERE TO BE KYLE'S WINGMAN.

- IF SHE CHOOSES TO SPEAK UP AND SAY SOMETHING,

SHE CAN. - WOW.

FOR HER TO BRING IN FAYE RESNICK TO COME

AS HER MOUTHPIECE...

I MEAN, KYLE DOESN'T EVEN NEED A MOUTHPIECE,

SHE'S A MOUTH ALL ON HER OWN.

BUT TO BRING HER,

I MUST BE ONE HELL OF A POWERFUL PERSON.

[giggles] - LET'S NOT GO BACKWARDS.

- CAMILLE, THAT'S THE WAY SHE SEES IT.

PLEASE, WE DON'T HAVE TO GO--

- HOW DID I ATTACK YOU?

I WAS AT THE TABLE--

- LET'S NOT HEAD BACKWARDS, PLEASE.

- FAYE, YOU WEREN'T THERE.

D.D. WAS IN NEW YORK, SO SHE KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED.

- BUT SHE DOESN'T KNOW THE BACK-STORY, CAMILLE.

- DID I ATTACK KYLE? - NO.

HONESTLY, I WALKED IN AND ALL I SAW WAS--

- OF COURSE, BECAUSE, CAMILLE,

YOU SAT THERE THE ENTIRE NIGHT LIKE THIS,

YOU KNOW, WITH YOUR HAND THERE LIKE THAT.

- BUT THAT'S WHO I AM, KYLE.

- NO, THAT'S NOT WHO YOU ARE, CAMILLE.

THAT'S WHO YOU ARE PRETENDING TO BE.

- COMING UP...

- ONE OF THEM WILL KILL THE OTHER TO FEED THEIR YOUNG,

IF THEY DON'T EAT THEIR YOUNG. THAT'S THOSE WOMEN.

- SHE'S NOT PRETENDING TO BE THAT, THAT'S WHO SHE IS.

- OH, ALLISON,

I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU. - OH, BUT I'M TALKING TO YOU.

- I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU. - BUT I'M TALKING TO YOU.

- EXCUSE ME, YOU'RE BORING ME.

- ALLISON WAS STANDING UP FOR ME.

AND I--LISTEN, I'M GLAD BECAUSE SHE'S--

OUT OF ALL THE GIRLS THAT ARE THERE,

SHE'S THE ONLY ONE THAT STOOD UP FOR ME.

- CAMILLE, I WAS HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH YOU.

- YOU ARE ENTIRELY WASHED UP. ENJOY YOUR LIFE.

- I CAME HERE BRINGING ALLISON

'CAUSE ALLISON'S FOR INTERESTING CONVERSATION.

IT WAS FOR INTERESTING CONVERSATION--

- WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO HER ABOUT IT

'CAUSE SHE'S NOW "OFF THE CLOCK."

- YOU'RE NOT HIRING ME. I'M A DINNER GUEST.

I WAS BEING POLITE.

WHEN Y'ALL WERE IRRITATING ME, I APPEASED YOU.

BE CLEAR ON THAT.

I HAVE BOOKS WRITTEN ON ME AND BY ME,

AND A TELEVISION SHOW IS BASED ON MY LIFE.

- DARLING-- - SO IF YOU CAN JUST,

LIKE, TAKE A FLYING LEAP.

- COULD YOU BELIEVE THAT WAS HAPPENING IN BEVERLY HILLS?

WE DON'T DO THINGS LIKE THAT AT DINNER PARTIES.

- YOU ARE. YOU ARE.

- I'M SO BORED WITH THIS CONVERSATION.

- THEN LEAVE. - I'M TOTALLY OVER IT.

- THEN LEAVE. IF YOU'RE OVER IT, THEN LEAVE.

- ALLISON, YOU LEAVE. - WALK.

YOU'VE GOT TWO LEGS THE LAST TIME WE CHECKED.

- OOH. - [gasps]

- WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

NOW DOES SHE HAVE THESE, LIKE, DEAD PEOPLE

WHO CAN CHOP YOUR LEGS OFF UNDERNEATH THE DINNER TABLE

WITHOUT YOU KNOWING IT?

- IS SHE ABOUT TO TAKE ONE OFF?

IS THAT WHAT YOU DO IS JUST ATTACK PEOPLE?

AND THEN WHEN THEY GET REAL, YOU JUST, LIKE, BECOME EVEN--

- THAT IS SO RICH COMING FROM SOMEBODY

THAT CAME HERE TO STIR UP [bleep].

- ALLISON, YOU'VE BEEN SITTING HERE

WITH A WEIRD ATTITUDE ALL NIGHT.

- A WEIRD ATTITUDE ALL NIGHT? WOW.

THEN WHY WERE YOU TALKING TO ME SO MUCH?

- I WAS CURIOUS ABOUT YOU.

- WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT,

YOU ARE NOT INTERESTING TO ME AT ALL.

- WELL, YOU'RE NOT TO ME EITHER.

- SO YOU CONTINUE BEING INTERESTED BY ME.

THAT'S AWESOME. YOU HAVE TWO LEGS TOO.

THEY CAN WALK. - EEW.

WHAT IS THIS? THIS WHAT SHE DOES?

IS THIS WHAT YOU DO?

- I FELT THAT IT STARTED OUT POSITIVE

AND IT WENT DOWN IN FLAMES.

- OH, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

- I JUST FELT LIKE IT WASN'T REALLY WORTH MY TIME

TO GET INVOLVED WITH THIS PETTY NONSENSE.

[overlapping chatter]

- EW! WHO ARE YOU?

- ALLISON, ALL I CARE--

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING RIGHT NOW.

ALL OF THIS IS UNIMPORTANT TO ME.

I HAVE FOUR BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN.

LOOK HOW SHE TURNS HER HEAD LIKE THIS.

WHAT, ARE WE IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL?

- ALLISON WAS... [inhales]

[whispers] PUFFING AWAY.

- I HAD ALSO HEARD

THAT THINGS WERE SAID AT THE AIRPORT.

- AND THAT'S WHEN I CAME TO YOU AND I SAID

TO YOU, "WHERE DID THIS ALL COME FROM?"

AND YOU SAID, "TAYLOR, YOU WERE TELLING ME--"

- I WASN'T TELLING YOU ANYTHING. YOU WERE BAITING ME.

- I WASN'T BAITING. - YOU WERE 100% BAITING ME.

I WASN'T THERE. - ALL OF THE SUDDEN,

I HEAR KIM AND TAYLOR FIGHTING AGAIN.

WHAT IS THIS, CONTAGIOUS?

I SAW YOU-- - PLEASE.

DO ME A FAVOR AND DON'T. - DO ME A FAVOR.

[overlapping arguments]

- THIS IS ALL [bleep] TO ME, OKAY?

- I FEEL LIKE THE DINNER TABLE WAS

JUST A SWIRLING TORNADO.

YOU NEED TO STAND UP AND SAY, "STOP."

- WHY DON'T YOU STAND UP AND SAY "STOP"?

- I CAN'T STOP YOU,

BECAUSE YOU'RE OFF YOUR [bleep] ROCKER.

- OH, REALLY? - THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH YOU.

- OH, THAT'S WHAT I THINK ABOUT YOU.

- OKAY, ENOUGH. GIRLS, ENOUGH. ENOUGH.

- WHY DON'T YOU GO BLOW UP YOUR LIPS SOME MORE?

- ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH. ENOUGH.

WE'RE NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE.

I'M NOT HAVING THIS ANYMORE. ENOUGH.

GET UP.

- I WAS SURPRISED THAT TAYLOR STEPPED UP.

I WISH SHE COULD DO THAT

A LITTLE BIT MORE WITH HER HUSBAND.

YOU KNOW, THAT KIND OF CONVICTION

WOULD BE GREAT IN HER MARRIAGE.

- THESE ARE NOT THE LADIES THAT WE ARE.

ENOUGH.

- I DON'T GET IT.

I'VE NEVER HAD A PROBLEM LIKE THIS

WITH A WOMAN IN MY LIFE. I DON'T GET IT.

- I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOU, KYLE.

THAT'S THE WHOLE THING. I--I JUST...

WELL, AFTER NEW YORK, I KIND OF FELT BAD.

YOU DID CALL ME A DELUSIONAL BITCH.

THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING ELSE GOING ON WITH HER

THAT MAYBE SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW OR REALIZE.

I HONESTLY THINK IT'S JEALOUSY.

I THINK THERE'S SOME KIND OF JEALOUSY THERE.

I MEAN, I HATE TO SAY THAT. I HATE SAYING THAT.

BUT I THINK THAT IT'S A BIG PART OF THIS.

- I WOULD NOT WANNA TRADE PLACES WITH CAMILLE

FOR ANYTHING. I REALLY WOULDN'T.

I LOVE MY HUSBAND, I HAVE AMAZING CHILDREN,

I'M NOT JEALOUS OF CAMILLE, LET ME JUST SAY.

CAMILLE, IF SOMEONE SAYS TO YOU

"IS KELSEY GOING WITH YOU TO HAWAII?"

AND YOU SAY "NO" AND THEN YOU HEAR

"WHO WANTS YOU WITHOUT KELSEY?" THEN THAT'S DELUSIONAL.

- THAT IS A [bleep] UP THING TO SAY.

THAT'S A [bleep] UP THING TO SAY.

- WE CAN'T GO DOWN THAT ROAD AGAIN.

- SHE'S CAN'T SAY WHAT CAMILLE THOUGHT.

SHE DOESN'T KNOW THAT. SHE'S NOT CAMILLE.

- I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU, ALLISON.

- OH, YOU ARE 'CAUSE YOU'RE LOOKING AT ME.

- GET OVER IT. GO. WHATEVER.

SMOKE YOUR ELECTRONIC CIGARETTE AND DRINK YOUR MARTINI.

I'M TALKING TO CAMILLE.

THERE WERE SO MANY COMMENTS FLYING OUT OF ALLISON'S MOUTH,

THEY WERE LIKE DAGGERS. AND I WAS JUST LIKE...

LIKE, TRYING TO DODGE EACH LITTLE THING.

- YOU SAID THAT. - NO. NO, YOU HEARD THAT.

YOU HEARD THAT. - YOU SAID THAT.

IF SHE SAYS YOU SAID THAT, YOU SAID THAT.

- OH, REALLY?

- YOU SAVE YOUR STORIES AND YOU TWEAK THEM.

- NO YOU JUST LOST ALL CREDIBILITY.

- ALL RIGHT. - ALL CREDIBILITY.

- I COULD GIVE A [bleep] WITH YOU, REALLY.

- IT'S ONE THING FOR US IF WE'RE DEALING

WITH A SITUATION. - I COULD GIVE A [bleep].

- YOU AS A PSYCHIC SAYS "OH, YOU SAID THAT

BECAUSE CAMILLE SAID SO."

OH, THAT'S VERY PROFOUND.

- YOU'RE NOTHING. - YOU'RE DONE.

- YOU'VE DONE NOTHING. YOU'RE NOTHING.

- ALLISON, THAT'S OKAY. - YOU'VE DONE NOTHING.

THERE'S CERTAIN THINGS

THAT I'M NOT GONNA SAY TO THESE WOMEN.

I DIDN'T WANT TO ENGAGE IN AN ARGUMENT.

I DON'T WANNA COME ACROSS AS THAT KIND OF PERSON.

AND THANK GOD FOR ALLISON TO BE THERE

AND SAY, "NO, YOU'RE WRONG."

YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA STAND UP FOR MY FRIEND

AND YOU CAN'T SAY THAT. - ALLISON, THAT'S OKAY.

- YOU'VE DONE NOTHING. - ALLISON, SHH.

- SHE'S SUCH A BITCH. - LET'S GO, GUYS.

COME ON. COME ON.

- THE HAND GESTURES. WHAT WAS THAT?

I MEAN, TO ME, THAT WAS LIKE

SOMETHING YOU WOULD SEE A TRUCK DRIVER DO.

THAT WAS TRAILER PARK STUFF.

WHO RAISED YOU?

- MY DAD SAID, "LIVE LIFE LARGE

AND MAKE NO APOLOGIES FOR WHO YOU ARE."

[bleep] THEM. - ALLISON--

- I DON'T GIVE A [bleep] WHAT SHE THINKS ABOUT ME.

SHE CAN [bleep] OFF.

I CAN--I CAN TELL YOU WHEN SHE WILL DIE

AND WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO HER FAMILY.

I LOVE THAT ABOUT ME. - [awkward giggles]

- I--I'M REALLY UPSET WITH THE WAY YOU--

- NO, I'M UPSET WITH YOU.

- I'M UPSET WITH YOU.

TAYLOR AND I JUST--

WHEN THERE'S CONFLICT,

JUST SEEM TO, LIKE, LOOK AT EACH OTHER

AND IT'S, LIKE, "MEOW."

- SHE STRESSED ME OUT SO BADLY.

- ME TOO. THAT'S HOW IT STARTED TONIGHT.

- UGH.

- THANK YOU FOR HAVING US. UM--OH, GOD.

- WATCH--WATCH YOUR STEP.

- OH.

- KIM, SHE'S GOTTA FIGHT WITH SOMEBODY.

SO IT'S GONNA BE ME, I GUESS.

- WE ALREADY HAVE SOMETHING GOING ON WITH CAMILLE.

AND THEN YOU GUYS START-- I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS.

- SHE BROUGHT UP THE WORD "INSECURE," AND SHE SAID--

AND YOU SAID YOU BROUGHT IT UP IN THE AIRPORT.

- IF I'M ALREADY HAVING A PROBLEM WITH CAMILLE,

AND THERE'S ALREADY PROBLEMS AND FIGHTING,

WHY DO YOU BRING THAT UP?

- I DIDN'T BRING IT UP. - IN NEW YORK, YOU DID.

- OH, MY GOD! - WE'RE HAVING A HORRIBLE NIGHT,

WE'RE HAVING ALL THIS FIGHTING.

ALL OF THE SUDDEN, YOU DECIDE TO ATTACK TAYLOR

OUT OF THE BLUE?

THIS IS JUST ADDING FUEL TO THE FIRE.

PUT YOUR GASOLINE AND MATCHES AWAY.

FLIPPIN' HAUNTED HOUSE AT DISNEYLAND.

I JUST WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS CRAP.

- I MEAN, IT WAS A FEW CLOWNS SHORT OF A CIRCUS.

- I WAS HOPING THAT TAYLOR WOULD COME TO MY DEFENSE.

TAYLOR HAD BEFRIENDED ME

OVER THE COURSE OF THE LAST SEVERAL WEEKS.

AND SHE'S BEEN A GOOD SOURCE OF INFORMATION FOR ME.

- YOU WANNA JUST HANG OUT WITH ME, HONEY?

- YEAH. I'M HERE WITH YOU.

HOW WAS IT-- HOW WAS THE FLIGHT OVER?

- WHAT DID YOU SAY TO CAMILLE

UP IN THAT PENTHOUSE IN NEW YORK?

- [laughing] - DON'T LAUGH, I WANT TO KNOW.

CAMILLE ASKED ME IN THE BATHROOM,

"HOW WAS YOUR TRIP IN WITH THE OTHER GIRLS?"

- DID ANYBODY AT THIS TABLE

TALK AFTER WE ALL LEFT HER?

- SHE WARNED ME ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING DOWN IN NEW YORK

BEFORE IT HAPPENED.

SHE SAID THEY'RE GONNA TEAM UP, BASICALLY.

SHE SAID, "THEY'RE GANGING UP ON YOU."

- IN BIOLOGY, LIKE, CARNIVORES TURN ON EACH OTHER.

CAN'T WE, LIKE, SAY YOU'RE SICK, AND PULL YOU OUT OF THE MIX,

AND LET THEM TURN ON EACH OTHER, AND SEE WHO DIES?

'CAUSE ONE OF THEM WILL KILL THE OTHER

TO FEED THEIR YOUNG-- IF THEY DON'T EAT THEIR YOUNG.

THAT'S THOSE WOMEN. CRAZY SCARY.

- OH. - CAMILLE...

- SHE'S BALLSY, THIS ONE. - DON'T APOLOGIZE.

- KYLE'S A LITTLE BITCH.

SHE'S A LITTLE BITCH. SHE IS.

SHE'S THE RINGLEADER.

SHE'S ALL, "YAP, YAP, YAP, YAP, YAP."

KYLE WAS EVERY GIRL AT A HIGH SCHOOL

THAT MADE SOMEBODY KILL THEMSELVES.

SHE'S THAT CHICK.

SHE'S THAT-- NO, SHE'S THAT GIRL

THAT'S SO MEAN AND PROFOUNDLY BANKRUPT--

- YEAH, NO, I THINK SHE'S MORALLY BANKRUPT.

- I ALMOST SHOVED THIS UP HER [bleep] ASS

JUST TO PROVE A POINT.

EXCEPT I THINK SHE'D NEED A BIGGER ONE THAN THIS

TO EVEN FEEL IT.

- OH! [giggles]

- OH, YEAH, I WENT THERE.

- [laughs]

YOU DON'T WANT TO GO THERE ANYMORE.

- GIRL, BITCH IS A ONE-SYLLABLE WORD FOR A REASON.

IT'S ALL THEY UNDERSTAND.

- THE ONLY MEAN GIRL THAT WAS THERE

WAS ALLISON.

HOW OBNOXIOUS, AND HOW HORRIBLE,

AND HOW ABSOLUTELY DISTASTEFUL.

- YOU STARTED THIS! - WHAT?

- WAIT! NOW SHE'S--

- NEW YORK WAS WORSE.

- LET ME JUST SAY THIS, OKAY?

- YEAH. - IT MAY SEEM LIKE A--

- THE SPRINKLER'S COMING ON. [overlapping exclamations]

- DID SHE TURN THEM ON? DID SHE TURN THEM ON?

- THE PSYCHIC TURNED THEM ON.

[laughter]

- SO WEIRD. THE WHOLE SITUATION.

- SHE CAME INTO MY HOME AND VERBALLY ASSAULTED ME.

- FORGET HER. - UM, YOU KNOW,

FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON-- YOU KNOW, WHAT IS IT?

- WE'RE THE ONLY SANE PEOPLE IN HERE.

YOU AND I NEED TO STICK TOGETHER, OKAY?

- WE'RE GONNA RIDE IN ONE CAR

AND YOU CAN TAKE THIS CAR BECAUSE I CAN'T--

I DON'T WANT TO GO OUT OF THE WAY, AND THIS AND THAT.

I JUST WANT TO GET HOME NOW. - OH, THAT'S GOOD,

ALL YOU RIDE TOGETHER, AND TALK ABOUT--

- I'M SORRY, BUT YOU'RE NEIGHBORS WITH CAMILLE.

- DO I HAVE ANY INTENTIONS OF BEING THEIR FRIENDS?

NO. - THEIR FRIENDS?

THEY CAN'T EVEN SPELL "FRIENDS."

- F-R-I-E-N-D-S. DID I GET IT?

- HOW ABOUT "CRAZY?" C-R-A-Z-Y.

- CAN I JUST SAY THIS?

IF ANY OF THEIR CHILDREN DISAPPEARED,

THEY WOULDN'T BE, LIKE, "YOU WERE WRONG."

THEY'D BE, LIKE, "CAN YOU HELP--"

[bleep] THEM.

- THE BOTTOM LINE IS THEY WERE JUST THROWING

WHATEVER THEY COULD UP TO A WALL--

- GARBAGE OF RUBIES AND DIAMONDS.

THEY ARE A GARBAGE BIN OF JEWELS.

LUCIFER HAS MANY FACES.

- [giggles]

- YOU DON'T TALK TO SOMEBODY LIKE THAT IN THEIR OWN HOME.

I'M FROM ARIZONA, I MEAN, IT'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT.

BUT EVEN HERE, LADIES AND THE CODES

OF WHAT THEY CLAIM TO BE, LADIES...

- WELL, I DON'T THINK THEY ARE WHAT THEY...

- THEY'RE NOT LADIES. - NO.

- THEY'RE SHADY LADIES.

BUT ASIDE FROM THAT... - HONESTLY,

I WOULD'VE THOUGHT THEY WOULD'VE BEEN A LOT CLASSIER.

- THEM? YOU THOUGHT THEY'D BE CLASSIER?

- NO, I AGREE. - NO, IT IS A SLIGHT AGAINST ME.

- I THOUGHT TAYLOR WAS YOUR FRIEND.

BUT SHE'S NOT YOUR FRIEND. - SHE'S A SACRIFICIAL LAMB.

THAT'S NOT OKAY. - NO, SHE'S NOT YOUR FRIEND.

- KYLE'S AN ANGRY BITCH.

SHE JUST IS.

THAT'S ALL SHE WILL BE. KNOW THAT.

I CAN'T EVEN CALL HER AN ALPHA-BITCH

'CAUSE I DON'T RESPECT HER ENOUGH.

SHE WAS JUST A BITCH, YOU KNOW?

- SHE DOES CALL ME A LIAR.

WHAT'S WITH THIS "OH, YOU PRETEND TO BE ALL NICE"?

- BUT THAT'S WHO I AM, KYLE.

- NO, THAT'S NOT WHO YOU ARE, CAMILLE.

THAT'S WHO YOU ARE PRETENDING TO BE.

- SHE BACKTRACKS. SHE SHOULD'VE BEEN A LAWYER.

LIKE, SHE, LIKE, MAKES AN ARGUMENT

AND THEN, LIKE, GOES AGAINST IT, AND THEN, LIKE,

GOES AGAINST HER OWN ARGUMENT. IT'S LIKE, THAT'S INTERESTING,

BUT I PROFILE SERIAL KILLERS-- YOU'RE VERY WEAK.

I MEAN, SHE'S VERY WEAK.

LIKE, WHEN SHE GETS TO THE END OF HER LIFE,

SHE'S NOT GONNA LOOK AT IT AND SAY,

"OH, I DID A GOOD JOB, LIKE, DEFILING AND IRRITATING

EVERYBODY I KNEW." SHE'LL BE LIKE,

"WOW, NOBODY CARES WHERE I AM NOW. THAT SUCKS."

- WELL...

- I THINK YOU'RE MORE ON TO HER PERSONAL LIFE

WITH HER HUSBAND THAN SHE WANTS TO ACCEPT

AND SHE WAS EVEN WILLING TO ACCEPT IT.

- HE LOVES HIS NANNIES. YOU CAN'T FAULT HIM.

SHE'S AN ICY BITCH.

- [giggles]

HE LOVES MORE THAN HIS NANNIES.

- OH, YOU GUYS.

- I JUST--BUT-- [laughter]

HE LOVES WOMEN IN GENERAL. LET'S JUST SAY THAT.

- LET'S BE NICE.

- I'M NOT SAYING HE'S CHEATING ON HER.

- GIRL, I DIDN'T SAY YOU SAID THAT AT ALL.

- THE THING THAT UPSET ME THE MOST

WAS KNOWING THAT THEY WERE TRYING TO INSINUATE

IT WAS SOMETHING WITH MY HUSBAND.

SAYING THAT HE LIKED THE NANNIES.

WE DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY NANNIES.

- ISN'T THIS DELICIOUS?

- THAT WAS DEFINITELY PLANNED AND SET-UP

TO MAKE MY HUSBAND LOOK BAD.

HE WAS UPSET, I WAS UPSET.

- I JUST KNOW THAT HE REALLY LOVES WOMEN.

- IT WAS TERRIBLE.

- COMING UP...

- I SAW INTERNET PICTURES OF HER WITH HER LEGS SPREAD.

- WHO? - WHO?

- THEY ALL LEFT AND WENT IN ONE CAR,

AND LEFT ME TO GO HOME BY MYSELF.

[phone ringing]

- I MISSED THE PART OF... - IT'S KIM.

- WHAT SHE SAID ABOUT YOU AND LISA.

[phone ringing]

- WELL, THAT GIRL-- THAT WOMAN WAS VERY STRANGE.

SHE WAS REALLY STRANGE.

- I FELT LIKE I WAS IN THE HOUSE OF HORRORS.

- [sigh] [phone ringing]

- I WAS REALLY FRUSTRATED WITH KIM

BECAUSE SHE DID NOT HAVE MY BACK AND SHE KNEW THAT.

- SO WHO WANTS TO GO TO THE BEVERLY HILLS HOTEL

POLO LOUNGE-- - WHOO-HOO!

- POLO LOUNGE? - POLO LOUNGE.

- YES. [phone ringing]

- I SAW INTERNET PICTURES OF HER WITH HER LEGS SPREAD.

- WHO? - WHO?

- CAMILLE.

I WAS JUST PULLING UP ALL OF THESE CRAZY THINGS,

AND THIS PHOTOGRAPH THAT I SAW WAS SO OBNOXIOUS.

ABOUT SHE WAS SAYING SHE WAS A LINGERIE MODEL.

- SHE WAS IN PLAYBOY. - YEAH, SHE WAS IN PLAYBOY.

- REALLY? OH, GOOD. - YEAH.

- NO, I DON'T KNOW, I'M SAYING WASN'T SHE?

- HOW DO YOU ZOOM OUT-- - [gasp]

- SO YOU CAN SEE THE FACE?

- CAN I ASK A QUESTION? - WHAT IS THAT?

WHAT IS THAT? I CAN'T SEE THAT.

WHAT IS THAT?

- THAT'S HER--THAT'S-- - LISA, STOP.

- LET ME HAVE A LOOK. - LISA, STOP.

- LET ME HAVE A LOOK. - HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

- AFTER I LEFT HER HOUSE, SHE WAS FAIR GAME.

AND I MEAN FAIR GAME.

- [giggles] - LET'S HAVE A LOOK AGAIN.

- NO, HOLD ON. - [giggles]

- FAYE, WHEN WAS THAT TAKEN?

- WELL, SHE SAID '93, DIDN'T SHE--OR '94?

- WHAT--YOU THINK SHE TALKED ABOUT THIS?

- SHE DID! SHE SAID SHE WAS A MODEL FOR--

NO, WELL, I--IT LOOKS LIKE THE PORN ADULT BUSINESS.

- WHY WOULD YOU KEEP NAKED PICTURES

OF SOMEBODY YOU KNEW IN AN EMAIL?

LIKE, THAT'S KINDA CREEPY.

I FELT LIKE IT WAS A SET-UP.

IT HAPPENED RIGHT AFTER MY DINNER PARTY,

AND THE PICTURES JUST APPEARED ON KYLE'S CELL PHONE

OR FAYE'S CELL PHONE? COME ON, GIRLS.

YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT.

- KELSEY WOULD'VE KICKED THEM OUT OF THE HOUSE.

HE WOULD'VE KICKED THEM OUT-- - NO, HE WOULDN'T.

- KELSEY WOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN THAT,

ESPECIALLY WITH YOU. - MM-MMM.

HE WOULD'VE SAID, "GET OUT NOW."

I TRIED TO KICK THEM OUT IN A SUBTLE TONE

AND THEY DIDN'T LEAVE.

AND I'M LIKE, "THEN [bleep] LEAVE."

- THANK YOU. - HE'S NOT HERE.

- MM-HMM. - I KNOW IT WASN'T POPULAR

THAT I SAID IT, BUT... - MM-HMM.

- I DON'T MEAN ME, BUT YOU GOTTA HAVE SOMEBODY ELSE

TO HAVE THE OTHER SIDE, BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS GONNA BE THIS.

- NO, I AGREE WITH YOU.

I HAVE BEEN FRIENDS WITH HER FOR 20 YEARS.

CAMILLE CAN HANDLE HERSELF.

- I CAN HANDLE MYSELF. THE ONLY THING IS...

- NO, CAMILLE CAN'T FIGHT HER OWN BATTLES.

KELSEY COULD KICK THEIR TEETH OUT, AND WOULD.

- YEAH, BUT CAMILLE IS FINE.

- BUT CAMILLE-- BUT CAMILLE'S A SWEETIE.

SHE'S AN ANGEL. - SHE IS, SHE IS A SWEETIE.

- ANGELS DON'T FIGHT BATTLES. NOT ANGELS LIKE YOU.

- AW, THANK YOU. - BUT DON'T APOLOGIZE TO HER.

- HERE'S THE THING, I'M TRYING TO MAKE PEACE--

- YOU REDEFINE BOUNDARIES.

YOU TELL THEM THEY'RE FULL OF [bleep].

- I AGREE. - IF YOU HAD A GUN ON YOUR HIP,

AND THEY ALL DID, IT WOULD'VE BEEN A DIFFERENT PLAY.

- ALL I KNOW IS THIS,

I FEEL LIKE I WAS SO SET-UP TONIGHT.

- KYLE SET THAT UP. - SHE SET IT UP.

- TOTALLY. - BECAUSE KYLE BROUGHT FAYE.

- KYLE IS A CONSPIRATOR. - YEAH, I NOTICED THAT.

- KNOW THAT.

- THANK GOD, OH, MY GOD, OH, MY GOD.

DEAR GOD, THIS IS NOT GOOD.

- WHERE DID IT COME FROM?

- I MEAN, THAT'S NOT LINGERIE.

THERE'S NO LINGERIE THERE.

- I DON'T--I CAN'T TELL.

- SERIOUSLY? - ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE HER FACE?

- WELL, I'VE NEVER SEEN HER FROM THAT ANGLE.

[laughter]

- I LIKE--THERE'S NO FACE THERE, EXCEPT--

- OH, MY GOD. - SUNGLASSES, FRIENDS.

- SHE WAS IN PLAYBOY. 'CAUSE SHE SAID.

- WELL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH PLAYBOY?

BUT THAT'S A LITTLE BIT STRONGER THAN...

- THAT'S NOT PLAYBOY. THAT'S NOT PLAYBOY, I AGREE.

- SHE CAN SPIN HER WEB OF THAT SHE'S RIGHT TONIGHT,

BUT SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO LIVE THE REST OF HER LIFE OUT,

AND I KNOW WHAT IT IS.

- SHE LOVES THAT CIGARETTE.

SHE REALLY LIKES THAT.

- OOOH.

- TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE HOUSEWIVES

GO TO BRAVOTV.COM.

Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com