All language subtitles for The.Office.US.S09E01.1080p.BluRay.x265-RARBG

Andy's coming back today.

Andy's coming back today.

Andy's coming back today. David Wallace
sent him on an outward -bound wilderness

adventure for a whole month to make him
more decisive and confident.

He sent his own son, too. And the
counselor said they both grew up big

How was my summer? It was pretty mixed.

I invented a new power drink made out of
beet runoff.

Mmm.

Mmm.

So that's really good.

But I got some disappointing medical
news.

Mr. Schruth, the results are in. You're
not the father.

I told you.

Oh, my God!

Oh, what a summer.

An emotional rollercoaster.

I ran over a turtle in the parking lot.

But then I saved him by gluing his shell
back together.

But I'm not that good at puzzles.

Ah, that piece doesn't go there.

So I patched him with stuff from around
the office.

But I couldn't get the pieces to fit
right. Then one day, while I was

for the glue, I crushed his shell again.

But I rebuilt him even better that time.
But it turned out the turtle was

already dead.

Probably when I ran over him the first
time.

For us, nothing new, really. The kids
are great. You are really good at

She's a genius. She painted this
incredible mural in the kids' room.

hippo leading a parade of 500 children
through the village. Well, you have that

interesting thing.

Oh.

Yes, Jim's friend is starting a new
company based on this idea that Jim had

they were back in college.

It's sports marketing, basically, but
the athletes are partners.

And he wanted Jim to be a partner, too.
In Philly. So that doesn't really work

for the family.

But watch this guy make a billion
dollars off my idea.

He said if it takes off, he's going to
buy us a new car. An Altima or better.

Kelly Kapoor is gone. Her fiancé, Ravi,
was hired as a pediatrics professor at

Miami University.

I don't need him anymore.

I am going to Miami, biatches, to hang
with LeBron James and Gloria Stefan.

Miami University in Ohio.

On her last day, Kelly was still a
little confused about it.

Enjoy this now, losers. I'm so happy for
you, Kelly.

Shortly after Kelly left, Ryan quit
and... and also moved to Ohio for what

claimed were unrelated reasons.

I've actually done a lot of market
research, and it turns out that

Ohio is going to be the next Silicon
Valley. They call it the Silicon

It's a big university town.

And it's not garbage, it's my clothes.

And that was our summer.

You good? Yeah, thanks.

Don't you guys have everything? I mean,
it's just a paper company.

Well, we're more following you guys to
see how you turn out.

Oh, yeah. I guess we were kind of
dramatic in the beginning.

Well, I don't think anything's going to
change in our lives now with work and

two kids. Nothing interesting is going
to happen to us for a long, long time.

Andy's coming back today.

Hey, does anybody know where we throw
these out?

Oh, my God. It's called a garbage can.

Helpless.

There's two new guys back there with me
now. They're in their 20s.

We really get along.

Looking good.

Just three single guys getting into
trouble.

They're like the new Jim and Dwight.

Oh, yes. Yes, I see that.

Perfect.

Hey, new gym. Come sit on my face.

Oh, thank you.

My name's Pete.

No, Pete is not the new gym.

The only thing we have in common is that
neither of us wants to sit on

Meredith's face.

And if that makes him the new gym, then
every human being in the world is the

new gym.

Andy's here. Old Dwight, new Dwight,
Andy's here. New gym, tuna, Andy's here.

Pam, he's here.

Hey!

Wow.

I thought about this place a lot when I
was on solo.

Three days on a mountain. It'll change
you.

The things we think we need.

Clocks. Yeah, right.

It sounds amazing.

Tell us all about it. What are you still
doing here?

Wonderful, thanks.

You know, I had this really funny dream
during Outward Bound that you died.

Brilliant.

See me in my office later.

The new guys!

All right, Clark and Pete.

And Outward Bound was all about
nicknames. They called me Iceman.

You will be called Plop.

What? Why?

Because you're always taking dump.

No, I'm not. Come on, everybody
defecate. Relax, Plop.

You will be called Fart because you fart
all the time.

I love it.

Actually, Andy, we call this one Dwight
Jr.

No, I prefer Fart. No, Dwight Jr.

Infinitely better. You guys look exactly
like Dwight. Go stand next to him. No.

This is insane.

I don't see it. I don't either.

I don't either.

Whoa.

Mind blown.

Like father and son.

Dwight, you cool if we call him Dwight
Jr.? Yes.

Yes, I am.

Dwight Jr.

In a way, it's like I have a son.

And who knows? Maybe someday they'll
hire someone who looks like a younger

version of him.

And then I'll have a grandson.

Well, I need to give my cat up for
adoption.

The one who uses the doorbell? Or the
one with the Mexican hat? Or the one

the rain galoshes? Or the one that you
let go around naked?

Angela's cats are cute.

So cute that you just want to eat them.

But you can't eat cats.

You can't eat cats, Kevin.

No, the one with the long hair and the
denim pants.

Pump stock.

Okay, look, he's got a special kitty.

I just want to find him a good home.

He loves those pants.

I'll take him.

Please, after the turtle?

I am enormously proud of what I did for
that turtle.

Oscar, Oscar, will you take him? No, I'm
a dog person.

If you pray enough, you can change
yourself into a cat person.

Those guys always turn back, Angela.

David, Outward Bound was incredible.

I was the best at slacklining.

I ate a worm.

Glad to hear it. You sound really
confident and decisive.

Hey, you wanted to see me?

Yeah, I gotta go, David.

Why is Nellie still here? You can only
fire Nellie for cause.

Then I will make up a cause.

You just told me you were going to make
it up. Now she sees I have to testify

against you.

Then forget I just told you that. I
can't. I took a course at the Weintraub

Memory Academy.

I sat next to this woman named Beverly
Brooke.

She had a Greek salad for lunch.

See what I mean?

Now I know why Michael hated you so
much.

I am.

Good boy.

Getting big and strong.

Snack food.

Yep.

Body by Cheez -It.

Ah, humor. I have it, too.

Oh, boy.

I got a couple of tickets to the Slayer
concert ten months from now.

You interested?

I think I'm busy that night.

Or I would.

Okay, well, we're both just kind of
learning as we go, aren't we?

Learning what?

How this is going to be, you know?

You have a beautiful round head.

Okay. So what kind of farming you into,
huh?

More of a fruit man or a root man?

Is this code for, like, gay stuff?

Because you know that's totally fine.
Like, I'm fine with it. But, you know,

should know that I'm into the ladies.

Spoken like a true root man.

Hey, you know, if you're ever swamped, I
can make some sales calls for you.

My calls?

So could you give me a list of all your
clients or just the leads that you

haven't had time to pursue yet? You want
a list of my clients?

You want my leads?

Yeah, just give me a list.

I'll give it a read.

Yeah, with my leads and stuff like that.

Because you're interested in going into
sales.

I am. Wow, that's great. Yeah.

That's great. Okay, good. Let's talk
about that, okay?

Okay.

You're not getting my clients.

Nice try.

Paranoid? I'm not familiar with the
word. And I really don't have time to

new words right now, okay? A pudgy 22
-year -old is trying to take my job.

Jim, get ready for the battle in your
life.

Done. Explain.

The new guys. Dwight Jr. is after my
job.

Yeah, there is a shark hiding inside
that adorable little cherub. Oh, now I

what Pete was talking about at the sales
meeting yesterday.

Wait.

Sales? What sales meeting?

The new guys called one. The new guys
called a sales meeting? Clark ended the

whole thing with a karate demonstration.

Did you know there was a belt above
black?

There's no belt above black.

Is there a belt above black? You should
ask it. It's a color you would never

expect.

Too easy.

Attention, everyone.

Comstock is still available.

Oscar has been flirting with adopting
him, but still hasn't given me a

yes or no. Definitely no.

Fine.

For any interested candidates, I will be
conducting 20 -minute interviews.

My ideal situation would be an
independently wealthy, cute couple with

commitment to education.

Black or white, I'm fine with either,
but not both.

Listen, you're in this, but you need to
wow me, okay?

I wanted to talk to you about our
working relationship this year.

It's going to be terrible.

Not necessarily.

No, I'm going to make sure that it is.

And if it isn't, I will take immediate
action to rectify that.

Now, I don't like to throw around the B
word, but I'm going to be a huge bitch

to you.

Now this is called slacklining. I set up
the old slackline to teach the office

the skills of focus and discipline.

Or in the case of certain individuals...

The skills of humiliation and looking
really dumb.

If you make it all the way across, your
confidence will soar. But if you Toby

out, then you'll feel like a real Nelly.

I'm out of hands. Screw those guys.

Now, these are my actual hour -bound
counselors, Rafe and Feather.

Iceman. That's me.

The powder is for your protection.
Feather has permanent athlete's foot.

Feather, show them how you dance upon
the line of flat.

You a sports guy?

Sure. Boxing.

Tenant. Any team sports?

NASCAR. The Amazing Race.

Philly fan, though, right?

You mean horses?

No. Like baseball.

I like the Red Sox. I'm from Vermont.

Okay.

Good talk.

I have nothing in common with WAP.

All right, who's next?

Nelly.

Oh, I would rather watch you and your
talented friends.

Nonsense. Get up here. Go ahead.

Come on.

You going to wear your heels?

I'm very self -conscious about my feet.

Okay, sure.

There you go.

Atta girl.

Hey, all right.

Whoa, you suck.

All right, who's next? Daryl.

Seems like the kind of thing white
people with dreadlocks do.

Dwight Jr., this looks like your speed.

I guess I can give it a shot.

Yeah, come on. Get up here.

Just hop on up. Okay.

Focus on the horizon.

Whoa!

Look at this guy!

I've always been good at anything that
required balance.

My doctor says I have gigantic inner
ears.

Go, Dwight Jr.!

Woo!

Unimpressed. The tightrope for babies,
boo.

All right, let's see you do it. All
right. Let me show you how a real man

across a flaccid cord.

Fail!

Who ordered the hot apple fail? Okay, I
am just getting started, okay?

You got this.

With all you.

Got ourselves a yard sale.

Ball's in face.

It's not a race, Dwight.

Well, it's official.

Old Dwight is lame and new Dwight is
cool.

That's not true.

Give me another chance.

This is a bloodbath. All right, I'm
calling it.

It's enough of this. Everyone, let's go
back to work. This is a stupid activity.

I would be embarrassed to be good at it.

Idiots.

Black lining.

Big deal.

Untie that rope. Give it to a couple of
pigtailed schoolgirls. Let them start

jumping with it while chanting a rhyme
and giggling about boys.

Doesn't seem so macho now, does it? It's
a jump rope.

I'm up here, up the ladder. Come on.

What are you doing?

Come here. I'll show you.

Why do you want this cat?

I don't want it, really.

How would you support the cat? What are
your ambitions?

I want to start my own business.

I want to be a millionaire, lots of
things, travel, make the world a better

place, earn an MBA at night.

Have you taken any concrete steps?

Well, I'm still just sitting in here,
you know, getting used to the new job.

But definitely on the agenda.

Well, if that is a good idea, Angela, I
should make a list.

Oh, come on, Pete.

God, that's just sad.

If he doesn't watch himself, he's going
to be here for years.

Doing nothing.

Wow, maybe Pete is the new Jim.

Do you see how the trapeze completely
surrounds the wire?

That means it is literally impossible
for anyone to fall off. So you will

sit below and be my counterweight as I
pedal across the parking lot to that

telephone pole. I will. You will.

Yeah, we weigh about the same, wouldn't
you say?

Sure, if you weigh 105 pounds. So you'll
do it?

No. Come on.

This won't be the only thrill of your
boring life.

Dwight, you may find this hard to
believe, but I love my boring life. Come

Exactly the way it is. No, Pam. Yes, and
there's nothing you can say that would

get me to run the slightest risk of
losing it. Please, please, Pam.

Find someone else. I don't know. Ask
Phyllis. I can't use Phyllis. Are you

kidding me? The moment she steps off
this bar, I'll be launched into space.

God, you're so insensitive.

Why are you getting rid of it?

Allergies. Your husband?

No, the baby.

Please, it's my husband's favorite cat.

He's broken up about it. It's the only
time I've seen him cry other than our

wedding night.

You know what?

I will take Comstock.

Really? Oh, Oscar, thank you.

I'll come by after work and pick him up.

Yes!

He won't get to say goodbye.

He has this business dinner tonight.

I love you.

Please don't teach the cat French.

Yeah. Hey, good news. Tonight when you
come over for dinner, you can play with

your old buddy Comstock.

You ready?

Yeah.

You know what? I'll meet you down there.
I've just got to make a quick call.

employees of Thunder Mifflin.

Everyone thinks the new guys are so cool
because they can slackline.

Hey Clark, this is what a real salesman
looks like.

They say that you only live once and I'm
about to prove it.

Boy, truth!

Hey man, it's Halpert. Did you go to the
other guy yet?

Great, don't.

I'm in.

Yeah, yeah, I'm all in.

Okay, talk to you soon.

Bye.

In the parking lot today, there was a
circus.

Copier did tricks on the high wire.

A lady tried to give away a baby that
looked like a cat.

There was a Dwight impersonator and a
Jim impersonator. A strong man crushed a

turtle. I laughed and I cried.

Not bad for a day in the life of a dog
food company.

Once again, I understand that old habits
die hard, but if everyone would kindly

walk their refuse to the trash bins
instead of tossing them, then we will...

It's worth.

Oh, it's nothing to do with me. I just
happen to be sitting near to where the

bins are.

There are two things that I am
passionate about.

Recycling and revenge.

Fluke?