Original subtitles

What a difference a day makes 24 little hours.

Is it hot in here, or am I just a bum?

You sure look handsome tonight.

Oh, look at that. You're making my blister up.

Doesn't he look handsome tonight, Fancy? Look at him.

Yeah, but he still smells the same.

Smell the same. Girl, I have you to know that I have on some of the best

knockoff cologne money can buy.

It's called Come to Me.

Oh, please.

That doesn't smell like Come to Me.

Evening, all.

Alfalfa.

What's happening? Tell Darla I said what's up.

Sure thing, buckwheat.

Oh, you're trying to get one in. That's good.

Give me a little dab. Hey, huh?

I will have you know that I have a

date with a sophisticated woman. Oh, okay.

Ah, that's probably her now.

The King's Tower?

Hello?

Oh, hello, my little love drunk.

Again?

Oh, no, no, it's not a problem.

Looks like a little love drop just drop kicked you right in your ass to the

curb.

It's good.

Oh, I'm sorry, Braxton. Did your date send you up again?

No, no, it's just that time of the month.

Yeah, it's that time of the month for you to get dissed again.

Ha, ha, ha. You see, Jimmy, you just don't know women. Oh, yeah, brother, I

women very well, and I know that a woman does not have that time of the month

five times in one month. She'd be so drained.

Jimmy!

That's all right, Braxton. I'm sure you'll have no problems finding another

date.

Oh, really?

Uh -huh.

So, uh, what are you doing later this evening?

Uh...

I'm busy. I've got some things that I've got to do. It's that time of the month.

What a difference a day makes.

Come for a little hour.

Dennis, what do you have on? Looking like you've been in the back of Junior's

closet. Well, there's a 70s film festival over at the Magic Johnson

I will see you.

Dennis, maybe you'd like some company.

Oh, I think you might feel a little uncomfortable, Braxton.

There's going to be a lot of black people there.

Well, I guess I'll go and re -alphabetize some files.

Since I have so much extra time.

Jamie, can I see you for a second?

No,

come here.

What's happening? Honey, listen. Why don't you ask Braxton to go out with you

tonight?

Me and Forrest Chump?

No, no, no, no, no. You know, they always tell you that.

Don't ever say it ain't gonna ever happen, but in this case, it ain't gonna

happen. Honey, no, no, no, no, no, no. Come on. Don't be like that. You know,

he's probably gonna say no anyway.

Don't act like you ain't never been embarrassed. I ain't never been

because I'm too fly for that.

I'm too fly for that.

You weren't so fly when you left that kitty -kit perm in your hair too long

it all fell out in plugs and you were crying for weeks because all the kids

running around calling you patches. I thought we were just going to keep that

between us.

Listen, all I'm saying is just ask him.

Well,

go on.

Look at Holmes.

I'm just going to go up to this little club and everything. We're going to be

partying and stuff, but you probably don't want to go. There's a lot of drive

-bys and jackets and stuff.

Me?

Go out with you? See, that's exactly what I thought. I'm out. No, no, no.

bro. See,

I am game.

No, see, you don't understand, brother. Young, you know, soft -bred like

yourself might get your back broke if anyone you play with.

I can defend myself, thank you very much.

I will have you know that I have a yellow belt in Hopkido.

Well, your breath is kicking like cheetahs.

But, hey, anyway, look, we'll go ahead and roll and everything. You can roll.

Hey, but one thing, man, when I'm partying and everything, you know, kind

keep your distance, right? You know, don't be crowding me because I'm going

be the Mac tonight.

And the way you dress, well, you're just going to be whack tonight.

to the corner to buy me some touch -up paint. We got some touch -up paint in

basement that you ain't touched.

What I want to do is... I know what you want to do. You want to get some lotto

tickets. And you promised me you were going to stop gambling.

The price of admission.

Oh, don't even sweat it, man. I know the owner here, you know, he's an Olympic

basketball player. His name is Gary Payton. Don't even sweat it.

Hold on, Lionel Rich, a little

bit. That's $15 a piece.

Oh, no, no, come on, Gary Payton. You don't remember me, man?

Yeah, I remember you. You're the new valet, Parker, right?

Oh, no, no, no, no. C .G., I was giving you shouts out at the Olympics and

everything, yelling your name, G .P.

You probably didn't hear me, though, because I was watching from the TV.

You get it, right?

Yeah, I get it.

Still $15 a piece.

There you go,

man. You still got your Olympic medal, huh?

Yeah, I sure do.

I hope it turned your neck green.

I thought

you were going to call me.

You know, I was going to call you, girl, but I've been so busy, you know, trying

to run that big old hotel by myself.

Who's your friend?

Oh, oh, oh, yeah, my man, that's my driver.

May we just have some service, please?

Can I offer you gentlemen a screaming orgasm? Hey, as long as I can go to

after, you know.

No, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding. Bring me a screaming orgasm, you know.

Bring my brother here a diet squirt.

How you doing?

You see, Brexton, I am the man in here. Yeah, the trash man.

My God, look at all the garbage in this place. I know, just smell it.

See, the thing about it is, man, is that you're jealous of my max skills. Let me

show you how I put it down.

Uh, excuse me, uh, Shaniqua O 'Connor.

I was wondering, you know, I don't have any money to afford you right now, but

why don't I put you on a layaway, and then I'll come back later and get you

Call me LL Cool Jamie, baby.

If they'll fall for that, anyone can score in here. Not just anybody, Ex

Just me.

But you know what? I don't want to count you out.

As a matter of fact, why don't you go see what you get?

Okay. I'll engage in your little experiment.

I engaged.

Ah, excuse me.

Would you care to join me in some social bonding?

Bondage? You ain't kind of nobody in here, fool.

You're thinking I'm into that M &M stuff.

That's S &M.

You...

Look here, singing in the rain.

Braxton. I know you've heard, Braxton, that if you really want to get with

somebody, all you got to do is be yourself, right?

Yeah. Well, squash that. Don't be yourself.

Just be cool. Be smooth.

So what you're telling me is that I have to stoop to your level of juvenile

vernacular and belittle my social aptitude?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, do that.

Pardon me, miss.

I don't have sufficient funds for you right now.

However, if I could put you on... Layaway.

Layaway. Then, as I understand it, I can pay the balance later and have you.

A pending credit approval, of course.

We will definitely hook up later, Mr. Smoove.

Oh, Mr.

Smoove, huh? That is my name.

Don't wear it out.

I have to tell you, there may be some potential to this approach.

Excuse me, homegirl.

I'd like to discuss a payment plan with you.

Lay away, man. Lay away.

How you doing, girl?

You know, that platinum hair shit doesn't look good on you.

What's your name, Ed?

Letuanus.

Letuanus.

Let's say me and you get on up out of here.

Well, I'm ready.

Let's go.

Damn.

Damn, what'd you say your name was again?

Letuanus. But for some reason, everybody keeps calling me damn.

Damn. Huh?

What? No, no, no. I'm just saying it's kind of lame. and everything, and I got

to go get my home.

Hey, look here, B, you ready to bounce?

Hey, what's the rush, J -Dog?

J -Dog?

This party is just getting started. Ain't that right, lady?

Hey, smooth, could you do that dance for us again?

Ah, for you, sweetheart?

I will do it all night long.

Mr. DJ, break me off something proper.

That's cool, man, but I'm finna get up out of here. J -Dog, don't play a hate

when you can participate.

Yo, man, why don't you leave these skis alone, man, and let's go? I don't trust

them.

You know what?

You're right.

Thanks for the advice, Jamie.

Right here. Put it there, man.

Yeah, well, uh, you're going to do it like that, huh?

Yeah. That's cool.

I'm out of here.

Yeah? How are you going to get home?

I drove.

Damn!

You call me.

up. Really?

Yeah.

Dennis, you know the routine?

Yeah, my bad.

Be smooth.

Be smooth? I'm about to be sick.

I'm sorry for being late, but you know when you're a big baller and a shot

caller, one schedule can get a bit tight.

Kind of like Jamie's drawers.

I know you're not trying to bag on me, Fulio Iglesias.

I would never try to bag on you, Jay Doggy Dog.

You took the raw, crude Braxton and sculpted him into the perfection that is

smooth.

Audi 5000G.

You did what?

Now the last thing we need is two of you running around here.

check out is taking so long. I'm sure we'll have it all straightened out in

a minute. Jamie, honey, are you almost done with that credit card

Hold on.

No,

if I carry my one, I can't.

It ain't like it's my job. I mean, this is Braxton's job. I don't know what I'm

doing. Yeah, you're right, and we need to talk about that, but now I need you

handle this customer for me. Come on.

Brother, I am really sorry about taking so long and everything, but if you could

sign right here, Mr. Ho.

Do I look like a ho to you?

Look, there's a little chick that came in here. Oh, no, you didn't.

Jamie, Jamie.

What is up, my people?

Is it hot in here, or am I just the bizarre?

No, it's just hot in here.

Now, look here, kid, and play it out.

You need to handle your business.

my business.

Maybe you need a business partner. I mean, you know, since you got two.

Please, we're here to see Be Smooth, not Be Country.

So be gone.

Be gone yourself, you ballpark stanks.

Stop!

Be Smooth, can you sing one of those cool songs for us again?

Anything for you, honey.

Two, three.

Doing it, and doing it, and doing it well.

Doing it, and doing it, doing it swell.

She represents Queens, and I went to Cornell.

C -C -C -Cornell.

Be smooth. Your lyrics are so dope. Thank you.

Oh, excuse me. Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't answer it. We are just getting warmed

up. Ooh. Speak for yourself. I'm already sizzling.

Look here, bro. I need to get the receipts and everything to download the

computer. And also, can I get the password?

Well, can't wait.

I'm trying to chill with my honey.

Yo, B, you're out of control. Everybody downstairs is mad at me, man, because

you're not doing your job. And I told you, you need to leave these gold

alone. Oh, is that so? Yeah, remember when I told you to be like me and not be

yourself? Well, me would know that these are gold diggers. They've been hanging

out with everybody. Hanging with the Lakers, hanging with Gary Payton,

with Mr. Cooper.

They just hang with any brother that can do something for them. You see, Jamie,

your player hating is getting irritating.

Just admit it. You're jealous.

Jealous of what, B?

Braxton, are you ready for your full body massage?

Bet.

Don't worry.

I'll take pictures.

Can I at least get the password to the computer?

The password is peace out, wiggity -whack daddy.

Where are you coming from? Oh, I just tried to go play that stupid lotto. I

mean, can you believe it's up to $70 million and nobody wins?

Who would play these stupid numbers? One, two, three, four, five.

Junior? What's wrong?

Fancy honey, call the doctor.

Junior baby, is it your heart?

Well, what is it then, honey?

My pocket. Your pocket?

Dennis, what did you say those numbers were again?

Uh... One, two, three, four, five.

Wait a minute.

You mean to tell me you had the winning numbers and you didn't play them?

But you said that I couldn't play them. Fool, I said you had a gambling problem.

I could have played them.

Oh,

Jamie, I am due for a break, and Beat Smooth's been gone for an hour.

Can you cover me?

Yeah, I can cover you with whipped cream and these nuts in your mouth.

Come on, Jamie. I am serious. This is just unfair. Here we are busting our

and Braxton's off doing his own thing.

Right. He has been bugging. You know, consider him checked.

Yeah, I say we go up there, Jamie, and we break him off a little something

something.

Like, what's up?

Yeah, where'd he go?

Wait a minute, Jamie.

What? He was abducted by aliens.

This happened.

What the hell are you talking about? No, I'm not kidding. I'm serious about

this. They took this probe and they laid me down. It was very quiet. This is

between us.

Sounds like you got attacked by some gays.

What the hell?

Yeah.

say it isn't so.

Oh, my goodness.

Speaking of galleons, look, he just came out the closet.

Wait a minute, Jimmy. I think he's trying to say something.

What'd you say?

Oh, the ladies tied you up in a jacket?

Jimmy's stuck in a mine shaft.

Engines?

What are you trying to say, big baller? Collect caller?

the victim of a heinous crime.

This is hardly the time for your sophomoric antics.

I've been violated by those hood rats.

I feel so cheap.

Shut up and untie me, you moron. Oh, he's trying to pop off. Well, put these

bilge gnolls in your juice.

Hey, hey, hey, Jim.

Who are you, Mariette?

Where is he?

Braxton's got a new camera.

Well, well, well, Brextier.

Let's take a family picture, shall we? Smile, if you can.

Dance,

Jamie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You see, I particularly like this one because

this one shows the true sucker that you are.

Is that worth to you?

All right, look, look, look.

I'll give you $15, okay? Oh, cool. Sold. Only in America.

Well, Braxton, I'll call this, I got Jackson.

All right, all right, all right. Look, look, I'll buy the rest for $200.

Yo, yo, BB, that's not necessary. I really don't want your money, man. I

want you to admit that you could never be me. You never will be.

And answer one question.

Who's the man?

Okay, okay, okay, look.

I'll admit that I'm better off being myself.

And that you have more hoochie savvy than I.

You think that I'm going to admit that you're the man?

You are sadly mistaken, bucko.

Frankly,

I don't give a damn.

Somebody call me.

Oh, she is good.

All the kids were running around calling you bad.

And you cried. Hold on, hold on. But the box said 15 minutes.

Boy, you.

because I was yelling all, you know, yelling.

Yo, B,

I'm trying to tell you, you got to control.

Golly, golly, golly.

Leave these gold -digging hoochies, freaks, and stuff like that.

Because, you know, sometimes, oh, say, can you see by the dawn's early light?