Original subtitles

Previously on That 70s Hoe.

Please.

What's wrong?

You don't look as happy to see me as I am to see you.

That's because I'm not the one eating Eric's jizz cookies.

It's okay, Fez.

Remember, we had our time together.

Now you can say you've been two siblings.

But that's just it.

If I had sex with you to get back at Eric, then Eric is getting back at me

the cookies.

I don't know how, but somehow you're right, Fez.

You're nice and excited.

Oh lordy.

Laurie!

You know what, Benz?

I think I want you to tell your dog to leave now.

I want you to follow me.

Okay.

Shut up.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh, yeah.

Oh my God.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Mmm. Mmm.

Oh my god, it's so good.

I think I've seen what she needs in my laundry.

I won't get any worried about anything.

I'll be right by.

Okay.

I

really

wish I could have sex with Jackie.

No one here but those chickens.

Damn, Fez, if I knew that's what you're bringing into the country...

I'm in.

What happened?

something we have to try this I'll be right back okay don't go anywhere okay

Oh, my God.

Fez! Jackie?

Fez? Lori?

Lori?

Fez!

What are you doing here?

What am I doing here? What are you doing here? This is my room, so I think I

have a right to be here.

So what, Fez?

one minute and you cheat on me too why

do all the men in my life cheat on me it's okay

men are like that they're there you know if

you really want to get back at Michael then maybe you and I should fuck

Fez together

Makes sense to me.

Why don't you take a turn and jump?

Okay.

Thank you.

I can't.

I can't.

Oh, God!

He's over there!

Oh, God!

This feels so good.

What's wrong, bud?

You waiting for the mailman?

If you must know, I have a girl coming over.

Could you order another blow -up doll?

Those pop way too easy.

Dating is much less expensive.

Dating?

What bridge troll agreed to suck on your billy goat?

It's not a bridge troll, Dad.

Actually, she's a really nice girl I met at the bus stop.

Bus stop?

Yeah, she was short on her fare, so she came and asked if I had some, and we got

to talking, and I asked her on a date.

Wow.

So what you're saying is that some homeless girl hit you up for some

loose change, and you ended up with a date out of the deal.

But... I'm so proud of you. It's your first date.

She's not calling us that.

She just needed a quarter, so she didn't ask me.

All right, well, just so you know, there'll be no squatters in this house.

Don't worry. I'll show her where the toilet is.

Oh, here she is now.

Hey. Hi.

Yes.

Come right in.

Dad, this is Chloe, my girlfriend.

We just met, actually.

I'm just Bud's friend. Hi, nice to meet you. Whoa!

You're the hoochie -bobbity. Hit my thumb with some bucks, huh?

Well,

anyway, Dad, you got a chance to meet my girlfriend.

I don't know if I would say girlfriend or girlfriend.

Can we have some privacy here?

Oh!

I better not. find her pitching a tent in the backyard.

Well, may I get your sweater, m 'lady?

Oh, um, sure, sure.

We have some very fine fruit for your enjoyment.

Would you like a piece?

Oh, yes.

Thank you.

Wow.

Some TV?

Ah.

Ah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Mm -hmm.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, wow, bud.

You sure like it, don't you, bud?

Oh no.

Fuck me pussy.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh, my God. You're so good. Oh,

my God.

Oh, yes.

You're so good.

Thank you.

Thank you.

tell the truth?

I don't know, Matt.

Okay, ask me.

How many boys have you had sex with?

Just one, but he was my boyfriend.

Just one?

Yeah, I mean, it's acceptable to have sex with maybe like one or two guys

marriage.

You gotta bump those numbers up, Joe. Those are beginning.

I'm too serious to play truth or dare without any boys.

What do you mean?

We always play truth or dare before we go to bed.

Everyone knows you play truth or dare if you want to get laid.

Natalie, are you trying to have sex with Joe?

How would two girls even have sex anyways?

With their what?

Okay, no, stop.

I get it. I'm just surprised.

So, Jo, truth or dare?

Thank you.

Thank you.

It's late, and you'll have to go to bed.

Well, I was just thinking.

Blair, you don't think.

Quiet, bedtime, sleep.

Yes, I did.

Oh, my God. I was so close. She almost caught us.

Well, don't worry. She won't be coming back in.

I'm going to bring in some tutors for the military academy to keep you in

Get to sleep. No more noise.

While I calculate the odds, this study session might be a date. I don't know if

I'm fit for this. I've never touched a clitoris. Her boyfriend scares me. He's

quite big.

I wonder if she's into trig. I can't wait till I feel them big bang.

Oh boy, I want to feel them big bang.

Then why are you hanging out with that nerd?

Well, he thinks we're going to study, but really I'm just going to copy his

assignment. Mm -hmm.

Benny!

Benny! I got to go to practice anyway.

Okay.

Yeah, get in here.

Hey, head.

Don't be putting the moves on my girl now.

Just kidding.

All right, bye, babe.

Have fun.

Hey, Sheldon. Hey.

So what are we studying?

The periodic cable envelopments.

Today we're going to learn about band bonds.

hydrogen, and all the gas.

Yeah.

You know, the cool thing about elements is they're the exact same here on Earth

as they are on Mars. You get neon, argon, and krypton.

Yeah, that's so interesting. But, um, maybe we could just stop studying and

maybe you could just show me your assignment.

Oh, no, Femi.

You'd miss all the fun of gaining all this valuable knowledge.

And the best part is learning it.

We should really get started with writing all this down.

Let's learn about the valence bond.

Here we got the atom.

And the electrons in each one of them. The negative.

Whoa, Penny, come on. Not in front of the periodic table.

Come in.

Do you really want to study?

It'd be so much more fun.

Penny, how is that going to help you on the periodic table?

It's all just power.

Charlotte, come here.

Yes?

Well, maybe there's just some things that I could teach you.

I can't do this.

Charlotte, don't you find me attractive?

I mean, I do.

I've calculated that your face symmetry is when the top 95 % happens.

So, are you afraid of my boyfriend, then?

Although I do feel fear in my amygdala, originally from my prefrontal cortex.

What? Katie!

Just tell me if you can calculate if this feels good.

By calculate, do you mean articulate?

Shut up.

What are you doing?

Penny, wow, okay.

Maybe this is better than the table.

I don't see anything wrong with that.

Your boyfriend just left.

Shut up, Sheldon. He won't be back for a while.

Are you sure she's gonna be gone?

She won't come back.

It's so big.

Oh my God, Sheldon.

I can't keep doing that.

Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh

my God.

Oh my God.

You're missing a lot of knowledge.

If I ejaculate in your vagina, you're also having an unwanted pregnancy.

astronomical.

I think it's safe to touch your face.

But I think we should get back to studying.

Well, maybe you can show me your assignment?

Oh yeah, yeah.

Like that?

Yeah, just like that.

I knew it. Good morning.

Hey,

you're still here, Poindexter?

Hey, baby.

You taste funny.

Funny? I don't know.

Um, I did my assignment.

Oh, that's great.

I'm going to go shower. I'm going to put in some practice.

Hey,

watch this for me, would you?

Actually,

you should stay and watch.

You know, you like studying something. I'll give you something to study. If you

ever get a chance to lose your virginity, you might learn something

Oh, my God.

I have to take a nap.

Ugh.

Come on.

Can I come on your face? You know I don't do that.

Come on.

Now there's a lesson for you in sex education.

Prince, you've lasted that long for a jock. Your technique is far inferior to

mine.

I'm most surprised that she let me come in her face and not you.

Penny!