Original subtitles

Kia ora, my name is Toby Buchanan and you're listening to episode 6 of my true

crime podcast, Small Town Scandal.

Now, before I get into anything, I think I need to explain to you listeners a

little bit about my family history.

So there's me, Toby, and then my parents, Bruce Buchanan and Sue

Eve Watkins. But who we're interested in is Bruce's brother, my Uncle Midge.

Mitch was good at school, good at sports, popular with the boys and very

with the girls, and later, very savvy at business.

My dad, Bruce, on the other hand, liked to escape the realities of life with

substances of varying degrees.

And then everything came to a head when my father, highly intoxicated,

accidentally set a block of shops in town on fire.

The town absolutely hated him.

He went to prison for seven years.

And after that, my mum left him, and Dad went to Cairns to avoid his reputation.

But, like Cain and Abel, did he come back to town and brutally murder the

of said town and his brother, Uncle Mitch?

But now I'd just been tipped off that Dad was lurking in the park

the very fire he started.

And here I was thinking he was still in Australia, like some chum.

What are you doing here?

Just some fitness.

Well, we're looking for your dad.

Apparently he was spotted around here and we want to talk to him. Wow, really?

You were looking for him as well, by chance?

Yeah.

No. No.

My dad, no.

He's over in Cairns anyway. So we're looking for your dad in a park. You just

happen to be doing fitness in?

Uh, yeah. I do fitness here all the time.

Oh, what kind of fitness?

Power walking.

Power walking. That's old school.

Good on you.

Yeah. You look great.

Anyway, Sarge, listen.

I better keep going, keep the heart rate up. You have to, don't you? Yeah, it's

really effective that way, isn't it? Yeah, good luck with your manhunt.

Dad!

Oh, Todd.

It's so good to see you.

Yeah, it's good to see you too, Dad.

The pigs are after me.

Yeah. Okay, first things first.

Did you kill Uncle Mitch? No.

No, I didn't. Oh, thank Christ.

Then why are you in the country?

Well, I got in a bit of trouble over in Oz. I thought Mitch might be able to

help me out with a bit of a pickle.

Shit. Can you help me get out of here, son?

Please. Look, if you didn't kill Uncle Mitch, then we should go and tell the

pigs. I didn't kill him.

But I was there when he died.

I don't even know where to go.

We're staying at the town dump.

Why? It's cheap.

Actually, it's free.

Perfectly sound mattresses. People are just thrown away.

Okay, yeah, okay.

Shit.

Keep still, Dan.

Hi.

Hi. It's me, Anna.

Katie was trying to set us up at dinner.

Yeah, that's right.

Shut before that fabric.

That's chill.

Chill? Yeah.

What do you need that for? My mum's a seamstress.

Really?

Wow. What does she make?

Listen, I've actually got to go. I'm so sorry.

Wait, how's your podcast going?

Good.

Yeah?

Have you listened to the latest episode of All The Real Mrs Moss? Please stand

up. No, I haven't. Oh, it's so good.

It goes into intense detail about the moth pattern she carves on her victims.

And it's been confirmed.

Sorry,

I'm so sorry. I've got to get going.

She seemed nice.

I don't even know where to begin, Dad. What happened at Oz?

One of my mates died.

We were having a great time. I was completely maggoted.

Suddenly, I felt it was death.

I didn't stick around because I didn't think I had the emotional capacity to

deal with any kind of investigation.

The cop found out I was there and wanted to talk a little. I didn't want to talk

to them.

I thought Mitch might be able to get me one of them top lawyers.

Why? He owed me tapes, big time.

I didn't worship the ground he walked on.

I would have murdered Mitch years ago.

I'll sit outside.

I have a few, son.

Anyway, Dad, just... Look, just tell me everything, OK? And then we can come up

with a plan. So you were at the mansion when Mitch died?

Mitch didn't know I was coming.

I was feeling a bit bloody nervous about it all.

Mitch was a busy man, so I had to pick my moments carefully.

Yeah, apparently he's still fapping about at his mother's, so we'll get him

straight away.

I don't care.

My nephew, unfortunately.

Just find him something managerial.

Do it now.

Yeah, Toby, I was hoping to get hold of you.

Come round to the mansion this afternoon, will you? I want to talk to

something. See you at two.

Hang on.

What are you doing here?

Missy.

Listen, Bruce, whatever you want, I can't help you.

It's not that I want something, but... Lord, the timing.

Wait here.

So whoever was driving the vehicle with the trailer, that's who killed Uncle

Mitch. I didn't get much more than a glimpse of him.

It's pretty bloody obvious who it'd be.

Who?

Jed Jameson.

Who? Jed Jameson.

I've never heard of this person.

Oh, he's your uncle's rival back in the day.

Bumped into him in town a while after I got back.

It was just before Mitchie died.

It wasn't

an

accident.

Me and Mitch did it on purpose.

He agreed to pay off my debts if I took all the blame.

Why? Jed was edging Mitch out of the motor mowing business.

He developed a prototype of his own automated mower.

Mitchie was going to have none of that.

We decided to burn the whole block down so it wouldn't seem so targeted.

Jed out of the picture.

Mitchie could patent his own automated mower.

Make his millions that way.

So, there you go.

Big family secret for you, son.

Wait.

Jed Jamison.

Yeah, with that note on Uncle Mitch's desk.

Jay!

Okay, so I had a new lead suspect, Jed Jamison.

I'd done a little bit of online sleuthing and I found a registered

Jed's Gardening Services Limited business, right?

And it's about an hour south of Tohoiho, so that's where I'm heading to.

Okay.

Yeah, I've just been talking with Sergeant Brown. He said you were down at

park where your dad was spotted. Um, no, well, no, I... Well, you told me he was

down there. I was just hoping to help.

Yeah? Was it a nice father -son reunion?

Well, no, it wasn't, because I didn't run into him. I didn't see him there, so

no, it wasn't. Oh, cut the crap, Tubbs.

Listen, if you're helping a criminal on the run, you're not just playing with

fire, mate. You're practically juggling... chainsaws.

Yeah, OK. Well, thanks for your concern, but I think I'll be fine. OK, bye,

Matt. See ya.

Okay, so, Jed's address is about an hour south of Tohuyo in the... Are you

still making that flaming podcast?

Tubbs!

Oh, my God.

Are you

all right?

I am so sorry, sir. I did not...

Are you Jed from Jed's Mowing Services Limited?

Who's that?

My name is Toby and I'm an... Well, I'm a journalist.

And I was hoping to talk to you, actually, about your former business

what happened to it.

Was that a yes?

As a journalist, you sometimes forget safety in the chase of a scoop.

You still there?

Yes.

That's how I ended up in a stranger's cabin in the middle of nowhere.

The interior of Jed Jamison's cabin is a little bit spooky.

Did you tell anyone you were coming to see me?

No, I didn't.

I mean, yes, I did.

I've told loads of people.

Quite a few animals and things around the place.

We're peshing, killing pests.

Lots of possums and other things.

Right. So, you used to have a business, yeah?

Yes.

Until the great Tohoi Ho burning?

That's right.

Yeah.

That must have been so upsetting for you when that happens.

That fire was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Your what?

Well, my business had never burned down.

I'd have never ended up here.

Paradise.

Do you have any thoughts on Mitch Buchanan?

What was that?

A weasel in one of me traps.

What did you say you were here for again?

I am, yeah, I'm doing some research because I'm writing Mitch Buchanan's

obituary.

Mitch Buchanan was a dirty weasel.

Whoever killed him was a hero.

He did the world a favour.

Wait, how did you know he was killed?

It's only a matter of time.

Those Buchanans are a bad bunch.

Every last one of them.

Well, I don't know.

The only good Buchanan is a dead Buchanan.

What did you say your name was again?

Me?

I'm Toby.

Toby.

Jed, son.

Jed. I'm Toby Jetson.

Jetson.

That's an interesting name.

A rat this time.

Jad Jamison was clearly guilty, revenging Uncle Mitch the Great Fire of

which my father started for him.

And for those little puddles of tartar sauce. Before I went public with this

bombshell, though, I stopped to get some food because Dad was probably starving.

But as I was driving to him, I spied my old friend, the po -po.

Didn't take long to realise they were tailing me.

With the delicious smell of fish and chips filling the car, I knew I had to

start thinking smarter if I was to protect Dad.

I tried to throw them off the scent, but they were like a goddamn dog with a

bone.

Always sniffing.

circling and seemingly one step ahead.

But they weren't going to trap this little weasel if I had anything to do

it.

Matt, just the person I was hoping to run into.

Listen, I think I've worked out who killed Uncle Mitch. His name is Jed

Right. And he was an ex -business rival of his. And basically, I've got to take

confession out of it. So, it's not Jed?

No, it is.

Jed hated Mitch. He loves killing things. And basically, he's... Hubs,

blind as a mole.

Is he?

He's still here.

Paradise. Oh, my God. He is blind.

Look, uh...

I was going to ask you one last time.

Where's your dad?

I don't know where he is. Jeez.

No? Okay.

Where are you toddling off to then with this big bag of greases?

I'm visiting my friends.

Bringing where they live here.

They live here?

Yes. It's your mate's house?

Yes. So you didn't just turn into a random driveway because you saw me

you? No.

Well, don't let me stop you.

I beg your pardon?

What? Go on. They'll be waiting, won't they? Yeah, they will.

Okay, well, it was good to... It was good to...

Oh,

they mustn't be home. I must have got the wrong date or something.

Toby Buchanan?

Pettigrew? And is that Matt McKenzie?

My goodness, what a surprise.

Have you come to arrest me?

That depends, Mrs. Pettigrew.

From what I remember, you're a bit of a grammar gangster.

Come and see our old English teacher, have you?

I thought you'd show up here eventually, Buchanan.

After all these years, you've finally come to apologize.

We'll have two sugar cubes, please.

Right.

I'm ready for my apology.

Yes.

Um, okay.

I am so sorry for what...

For what I did.

You should be embarrassed.

I am.

A 13 -year -old should know better.

Where was your self -control, your self -respect?

I don't know where it was.

That jar of lollipops was for the whole class, Toby.

You didn't leave any for the other students.

No, I didn't.

In fact, I think you should apologise to Matt as well.

Matt?

What's that?

Matt, I'm so sorry for the pain I caused you by eating all the lollipops in the

jar in third form English.

Actually, you were repeating that here, weren't you, Matt? You know what?

Thanks for the tea, Mrs P. I think I'd better shoot off.

Wait, where are you going?

I've got police business, mate. Police business till ten to. So, yeah.

Historical apologies aside, I was sick with worry about Matt and his texting.

Something fishy was going on, and I'm not talking about the second batch of

and chips I had to buy. And then two of those little pottles of tartare sauce.

And would you like to add the seven spring rolls?

Again?

Yeah, I would.

I assumed they'd found Dad at the landfill and were about to arrest him.

I followed them feebly with no real plan.

Maybe I could talk them out of it.

Maybe I could steal a gun, bust Dad out, hijack a boat and then flee to a

Pacific island.

But then, to my surprise, they weren't headed to the landfill at all or

near Dad's hideout.

Instead, they were heading to... Mrs...

They had a goose house.

Yeah, hard to say, mate, yeah.

I think just bag it all up and we'll take it down to the station.

Oh, don't miss it. There'll be a few bits in it.

You had a look in the freezer?

He did in there, boy. Bag it all up. Hey, Chuck, you ready for this one?

Just didn't look that easy, Mrs P.

What you had, Mrs P?

Wait.

I'll get you.

Tubs!

What are you doing here?

Why is there still the lights? What's happening?

Mate.

I got her.

Mrs. Moss.

Mrs. Pettigrew, our old English teacher, is Mrs. Moss.

You know, like from the podcast.

Yeah, killed an estimated 25 people around New Zealand since the 80s.

I don't understand.

Well, I've kind of got you to thank for it, don't I? I mean, you led me right to

her. When we were sitting in there earlier, something caught my eye.

It was a t -shirt in a sugar bowl.

That's when I remembered.

Mrs. Moth liked to carve that very insignia into a victim.

Thank God you're in the habit of getting that extra sugar, eh, Tubbs? So that's

it, then.

It was her that killed Uncle Mitch.

Oh, no, no, no. No, that was definitely your dad.

How's it, Tubbs? Dad!

Easy, easy, mate. Easy.

We picked him up about an hour ago down the pub.

But Dad's innocent.

Tubbs, um, we found your dad's bloody fingerprints on the mower.

The one he used to kill Mitch.

Sorry, man.

Anyway, let's roll out.

Good day.