Original subtitles

Kia ora, listeners. My name is Toby Buchanan, and you're listening to my

crime podcast, Small Town Scandal, where I try and solve the mystery of who

killed my Uncle Mitch.

This is episode five.

As of last episode, I found some CCTV footage of a car driving onto Uncle

Mitch's road. And now before he died.

Yes. And that's 38 minutes after.

I couldn't make out the number plate, but I did clock some other key details.

Before I could investigate, though, I had a few things to take care of. A

catch -up with friends and a quick pitch call to an old friend across the ditch.

Kevin. Hi, Belinda. How are you?

Thanks for picking up.

Oh, yeah.

Anyway, I sent you an email with the first episode of my podcast.

Did you happen to listen to it all?

I listened to it.

You did?

Oh, great. Thank you. Well, great. That's awesome. Thank you. Yeah, I'll be

straight with you.

It's pretty average.

I was intrigued, though.

You were?

If there's a satisfying ending to this, then you can definitively find whoever

it was that did your uncle in. Then you'll publish my podcast?

I'll think about publishing your podcast.

Belinda, Belinda, Belinda, thank you. Yeah, that's great. Come down there and

promise you I'm still most likely to say get lost with it.

And if we're to beat this Mrs Moth podcast, I'll need something by the end

the week. Otherwise, it's no deal. Bye.

Yeah, no problem.

Yeah, so with that... But there is no time to celebrate becoming a

podcaster. It was time for dinner with my old school crush, Katie Jerram, and

her cop husband, Matt McKenzie.

G'day, Tub. Hi.

Don't just stand there like you shit yourself. Come on in.

Shoes? Oh, yeah.

Just so you know, this whole thing was Katie's idea.

What is?

You'll find out.

Oh.

Uh, Tubbs, this is Honor. Honor, this is Tubbs.

Toby.

Toby.

Hi. Hey.

Well, I might leave you two to get acquainted while I acquaint myself with

another Boruski.

Chuck us that ice cream, mate.

Oh, sit around, Melmaninga.

Hi.

And we met the other day at the Hypermega store.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, nice to meet you again.

Watch out, there are assholes.

Looks like someone's getting on like a house with fire.

Hi, Toad, how's it going?

Do you want anything from here, Girthy Gherkin? A piece of carrot.

Nice.

Katie, you look... Your hair looks amazing.

Stop it, I look like a dog.

Oh, you brought wine?

Sparkling red.

I haven't had this since I was like 14. Cute throwback, Toads.

Get this down, you big boy.

Pop that away.

Yeah, yeah. No, I was just thinking maybe, um, maybe, uh, we should type the

cake. Yeah, but he's only just got here, and I think maybe they should be

patient.

That's fine.

I'll just leave the girls a bit of gossip time.

Okay, don't be too long, all right? Dinner's nearly up. We're having

now. Oh, yeah.

Great.

Sure. Come on. Yeah.

Here we are.

Fruits of my labour.

So, uh... Anna.

Pretty cute, huh? Yeah, you know, she seems really nice.

Katie reckons you'd make a good couple.

Can't say it myself, but, uh... Challenges, eh, mate?

Yeah.

Now, listen.

I didn't want to stay in front of the girls, but, uh, we've decided to take

another look at your Uncle Mitch's death.

Yeah, it's a total ball act, but there are a couple of, well, let's call them

questions being raised.

Seriously? What kind of questions?

Oh, I'm not at liberty to discuss police matters with civilians, but I will say

we're looking at a person of interest.

Hey, you haven't seen your old man around, have you?

My dad?

No.

No, he's ever not.

Well, if you do see him, I suggest you let us know.

We'd love to have a wee chat.

What do you want to chat to my dad about?

Man's a bit of a moron, isn't he? I mean, he's got a record.

It must have been tough watching his brothers rise to success.

Imagine being a dropkick and then your brothers out there making millions.

Enough to make any man jealous.

Especially a bottom feeder like Bruce Buchanan.

No offense.

Okay, my dad wouldn't kill his own brother.

Yes, dad has his problems.

But, you know, he's not a murderer.

And besides, he's not even here. He's in Australia. And also, my dad is a good

guy. Your mum agree with that?

Look, they split up because my dad is useless.

Well, not useless, but he's... Like, she doesn't hate him or anything.

Oh,

shit. Better not keep on awaiting.

Hey, uh... Just remember...

If you're used to it, don't drag himself into town.

I want to be the first to know.

Matt!

How's the party going?

Do you think Dad's in town, Mum?

The police have found that he could be here, and I just want to call him.

But he didn't answer.

I called him yesterday. You were there.

He was still in town.

Are we sure about that, Dad?

Well, yes.

That's what he said.

Well, he was intoxicated, though.

If he was in town, he would have called us. I don't think he came back, though.

No, you're right. He's not in town. He can't be.

What's going on there, Todd?

Pinch it off, mate. We're all waiting for you to eat. Must be a monster of a

shit. Are you calling me on the toilet, Toby?

Yeah, why be a tick, mate?

Good. I heard you were making a podcast.

Whoa, whoa. Not anymore, eh, Tubbs?

I love podcasts.

Give me a murder mystery and a bag of Burger Rings on the couch, and I'm in

heaven.

I love Burger Rings.

That's right.

Um, do you listen to David Patterson?

I love David Patterson.

Oh, who's David Patterson?

You know the Mrs. Moss theory?

Oh, Mrs. Moss. That's the serial killer babe.

Yeah, she infiltrates gangs and then kills them brutally.

Actually, she kills non -gang members as well.

Really? She's still at large? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They haven't caught her yet.

Well, I hope she's not hiding out around here. I mean, in the latest episode,

they said they think she is around here.

What? Don't tell me that. Matt, do you know about this case?

Oh, my God. What can you tell us?

Oh.

Oh, Matt, come on.

No, I can't. Come on, tell us, tell us, tell us with your mouth. I've never seen

anything in front of these guys.

My forecast is about the suspicious circumstances around Uncle Mitch's

Well, it was.

So we had that cease and desist conversation.

Mitch died of a heart attack, so I guess that's solved.

Do you know what solved cases?

Police work.

Not your little...

Podcasts. Actually, in this good podcast, you light on new evidence all

time. All right.

It's all about grammar for me.

You know, I think that a podcast about horse breeding would do so well.

Horse breeding?

Hey, no one wants to hear a podcast about guys who wank off horses.

I do. I'd love that. It's more to horse breeding than jerking off horses.

You're kidding me. Stop that.

Stop it. All right, boys. Stop it.

Stay right there. Sorry.

Got a good bloody swing on them, the three of them.

I'm so sorry. Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Guys, we're going to be a few minutes. Are you okay?

If you need some frozen peas, they're in the garage freezer.

Okay? If you do go in there, can you get the Viennese?

There was no need for the frozen peas, but I did go and get the Viennetta I

bought for dessert.

Funny how such a little decision could yank me right back into my

Oh, fudge.

What the...

Heck, the car in Katie and Matt's garage was the one on the CCTV footage going

to Uncle Mitch's place the day he died. The cartoon family confirmed it.

And then it hit me.

This was the very car that Katie had driven me to the hotel in.

Why was I such a goober that hadn't even noticed that?

Or had it maybe been Matt, who was using Katie's car for pointing the finger at

Dad to get me off the scent?

I thought you might have found the dead body.

Oh, Dom. Thanks, Tobe.

This is just Matt's terrible joke about my garage freezer.

I think that's where I'm going to keep my thick tan.

Ooh.

Ooh. I bet you've tucked in through a few viennetters in your time, have you,

Tobe?

Uh... Oh, no, um... No, we only had viennetters at special occasions at our

house. How crafty.

And it was at that moment, thinking about Matt's smug audacity to blame my

for the hideous crime, that I was tipped over the edge and regrettably went on

the offence.

So who was driving?

Sorry, what?

Sorry? The car in the garage. I saw it on the CCTV footage, driving onto Uncle

Mitch's road the day he died.

I was just wondering which one of you was driving the car.

I think you know what you're talking about there, mate. That's Katie's car.

Yeah, that one's my car, but I, like, I wasn't, um, uh, driving. Sorry.

Sorry. Um, what are you saying about the car?

So were you just casually visiting Uncle Mitch at his mansion the day he died?

Is that what happened? I'm sure I like your tone there, mate.

Yeah, but I'm sure it's got nothing to do with his actual death, does it?

What? Don't be.

What is this?

What are you implying? I guess I'm just asking Katie what her car was doing on a

dead -end road arriving an hour before Uncle Mitch died and then leaving

after he died.

You know, and whether she reported that to the police or not. Wow.

You know, half the police force is here in this arsehole.

I think it's time for you to leave.

You clearly had a bit much to drink. Time to go home and sleep it off, eh? I

haven't even had one beer.

Yeah, well, some people are more sensitive to booze. Give us your keys.

No, I'm not giving you my keys.

I'm not giving you my keys. No. Give me your keys, Tubbs. I'm not giving you my

keys. Give me your keys.

What are you doing?

What are you doing? Give me.

Oh, no.

Oh,

no.

What?

That was a right move, Tubbs.

Easy, easy, easy.

The next morning, with frocks in the fields bearing down on her, Mum was in a

foul mood.

Keep still, Cousin Carol. I'm trying to pin it.

How did the dinner go?

Not good. I had a big fight with Matt.

Over Katie? Oh.

Toby, she's a married woman. Whatever, Katie. Mum, whatever. I don't even like

you like that. Oh, please. You've been pining over her ever since primary

school. Do you remember Katie Jarum, Cousin Carol?

Oh, yeah.

Wasn't she quite fun, wasn't she?

Oh, yes.

Even in intermediate, her mother made me put darts in her school uniform.

You would have made such a cute couple.

Whatever, Mum.

Oh, go catch that for me.

No, I don't want to.

Stop being so childish.

Hi.

Hello.

I brought your mum's car bag.

Oh. And I just parked there. I hope that's okay.

I think so.

I really wanted to apologise for last night.

What, for your kids attacking me or your husband manhandling me and stealing my

keys?

All of that, that you said I'm sorry about.

Maybe we can just forget about everything.

Well, unless you're going to tell me why your car was at Uncle Mitch's when he

died, I don't think I can just move on.

Toby, it's not that simple.

Mum

said

I need to drive you home.

So I drove Katie home in absolute silence, unable to shake the feeling I

sitting beside Uncle Mitch's attractive killer.

I didn't know how to broach the elephant in the room, but thankfully, like the

insect, Katie did.

Okay.

Toby, I have to tell you something.

When Mitch died, I was there.

Holy fudge. Was my relentless investigative grind finally about to

I didn't do it, and I don't know who did, but I was there.

I went to the mansion to blackmail Mitch.

But I can explain.

When... I've...

When I first heard that Mitch was selling the business, I panicked. You

he'd promised me a management position at the Newcastle branch, and I thought,

this is my way out of Te Hoi Ho.

And so I went to Mitch's mansion.

I go there sometimes to help him with his computer, because he's such a

I made these photos of us, Mitch and I.

Illicit pictures, you know.

Damning ones.

But I just made them with Photoshop and AI.

I planned to blackmail him into putting a head with my Newcastle promotion, but

then I lost my nerve.

And I thought, well, I'd better get out of here before anyone sees me, you know.

And then I heard Mitch talking with someone outside.

That's when I heard the scream.

Um...

scream that's when i heard the scream and i i panicked

i wasn't thinking straight i forgot about the goddamn photos and i ran and

what all the commotion was he was already dead i didn't know what to do

and i thought it's probably gonna be really bad if anyone sees me here so i

i just so i just ran and i ran

And I kept thinking, like, I should have gone back and I should have called

somebody. But I was so scared.

When I saw you at the mansion after the funeral.

Heidi? I was just trying to take the stupid photos before anyone saw them.

Toby!

Am I still there?

I hope so.

Toby, it's so awful.

I've been so stupid. And I'm sorry that I lied to you. This whole thing.

I mean, it's just a mess, you know, and I think... I really

think it would be better if Matt didn't find out.

Can you just... Just give him a ring a day?

And say... Say you got the wrong car.

I mean... Half the mums in Tohoiho have a Hyundai.

Um... Oh.

Oh,

it's gone to voicemail.

Leave a message.

Okay.

Um... Yeah.

G'day. G'day, mate. It's, um... It's, uh... It's,

um...

Toby, I'm so sorry about last night. I, um, I was so drunk. I was so drunk.

And I looked at the footage you can get, and it could be anyone.

Every mum in Tohuya has a Hyundai.

And it wasn't Katie.

It was the wrong car.

Bye.

So Katie's confession closed some doors but it opened others.

So she wasn't the only one there at the mansion that day and who was this

unidentified man whose voice she overheard?

In any case, I've decided to head to the mansion to corroborate one particular

part of her story.

If Katie was telling the truth, the envelope with the incriminating photos

still be in the home office of Uncle Mitch's mansion.

She'd done a great job with the AI, but they were very graphic.

Yeah, I'm so sorry, mate.

I guess I just wasn't thinking straight last night.

I'm genuinely sorry.

What?

The message I left you. Mate, I don't check my messages. No one checks their

messages. Anyway, your drongo dad's been spotted at the memorial park here in

town.

No, Matt, my dad is in Australia. That's where he lives. He's there.

No, no, no, no, no.

He's here in Tohoiho. I've been confirmed. And we have reason to believe

connected to the murder of your Uncle Mitch.