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♪ Love, mm-hmm, love is strange ♪

♪ Yeah-yeah, lot of people, mm-hmm ♪

♪ Take it for a game

♪ Once you get it, mm-hmm

♪ You never wanna quit

♪ No, no

♪ After you've had it, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ You're in an awful fix

♪ Many people, mm-hmm

♪ Don't understand, no, no ♪

♪ They think loving, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Is money in the hand

♪ Your sweet loving, mm-hmm

♪ Is better than a kiss

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ When you leave me, mm-hmm

♪ Sweet kisses I miss

So you call this punk music?

Oh, my God.

You're a punk.

Huh? I'm not a punk.

Yeah, you're a fucking punk.

No, I'm not a fucking punk. I'm a...

I mean, I don't know what I am, but...

So where are you going?

Um... to the... country

with... Malcolm.

Uh, to a cabin, I guess. Like, his cabin.

A city subway rat like you

at a cabin in the woods?

Yeah, it'll be my first time up there.

Well, fuck. It's been a while, huh?

Yeah, almost a year.

Wow, that's gotta be, like,

an unofficial record for you.

No, shut up.

Uh-oh, better break up.

No, no uh-ohs.

What are you thinking?

Nothing.

So, what are you wearing?

What does a person wear to a cabin?

It's, like, buffalo plaid?

He got me a cardigan.

Is it... is it beige?

- It is. It is beige. - Ugh.

I don't even think I've ever heard you say "beige" before.

I didn't even think

- you knew the bitch. - I don't even know the bitch.

So, does he want kids?

I don't... uh, we-- we haven't talked about that.

Don't you think you should?

Uh, well, you know, I've never

pictured myself as a mother.

So... are you happy?

Yeah.

And he's still not hiding

a wife and kids in the basement?

No. No secret family.

Just... him and...

just the two of us.

Fuck, it is...

it's trippy as shit talking to you like this.

Call me sometime, okay?

...draw the line.

- Make yourself at home. - Uh-huh.

Oh!

First things first.

- Your masterpiece. - Mm-hmm.

Knock yourself out.

Come on. Ooh.

Here we go.

Somebody left you a cake.

Uh, yeah, the caretaker.

Yeah, it's a bit of a tradition.

Her way of making up for being so bad

at taking care of the place.

Hey, come take a look!

The crown jewel of my collection!

- So, what do you think? - Mm-hmm...

"Mm-hmm"? "Mm-hmm"?

- That's it? - Mm-hmm...

- It looks good. - Oh, it's good.

It's good. It's great. I love it.

- You're good. - Mm.

Like, really, really good. You know that?

- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm is right.

♪ I don't wanna play in your yard ♪

♪ I don't like you anymore

Oh!

Who lives there?

- Just my cousin, Darren. - Hm.

Not my family's proudest contribution

to civilization, but...

he won't bother us.

Good old weird and cranky recluse,

Cousin Darren?

Actually, he just goes

by regular asshole, Cousin Darren.

But, uh, I didn't see his car, so...

Hmm.

I'm gonna start getting things ready

- for dinner, okay? - Sounds good.

♪ I don't wanna play in your yard ♪

♪ If you can't be good to me

Ah...

Mm.

Malcolm?

You say something?

No. Nothing.

Oh. Okay.

I'm not a punk.

Not a punk.

No, I don't know what I am, but...

I thought you'd be happier seeing your painting up.

You know how I feel about it.

It's decorative, and that's fine.

No. No, but you made that, you know?

If I could do what you do,

I don't think I could stop myself.

I'd just be doing it all the time,

again and again and again and again and again.

You--you sound like that old joke.

What was it?

If men had tits, they'd never stop playing with them?

Yeah. Yeah, well, if men had breasts...

Rome definitely would not have been built in a day.

Oh.

Are you expecting someone?

No.

The caretaker... whatever?

At this hour? No, uh, no, of course not.

- Very insistent. - Damn it.

- It's Cousin Darren. - No.

And his date.

No!

I can see you.

I'm going to let him in.

Okay.

Malcolm!

Hey-hey-hey!

What's going on?

Cousin Darren, Liz.

- Liz, Cousin Darren. - Hi.

- Yup! Hah. - And, uh...

Minka!

Minka's a model.

- Minka. - Oh, cool.

- Yeah. - Hello, Minka.

Keep trying. Yeah, yeah. Heh-heh-heh.

But, uh, not a lick of English, this one.

No speaky.

See?

It's Eastern European.

One of the "ania" ones.

Not Transylvania, but almost Transylvania.

- Right, babe? - Wow.

No? Who cares?

She loves, loves, loves her Molly,

though, doesn't she, babe?

Yeah, yeah.

I wish you'd told me that you'd be stopping by.

- I'd have made more. - Oh, no problem.

We already had ours. Couldn't wait!

Plus, we wouldn't want to intrude on your special...

night of nights.

Yeah.

Malcolm's a romantic one.

Always has been. The slow one.

Uh...

Cousin, a... a word in the other room?

Excuse me a minute.

You okay?

Tastes like shit.

Okay!

Time to go. Upsy-daisies.

Let's let the lovebirds have their privacy.

She's a keeper, cousin.

Don't wait too long and let this one get away.

Huh?

Oopsies!

There you go. You're all right.

Up, up, up.

You're okay. Yeah. Out the door. Good job.

Night-night time. Come on, now.

You okay?

No. Liz, Liz isn't here anymore.

They had to scoop out her brains

to fill out her tits.

See, I can only apologize for my cousin.

You know, he was charming once,

but now he's just a superficial, cowardly asshole.

But...

...not you, right?

You don't go for the 10 out of 10s

or whatever the fuck...

with a little drawstring in their back with...

with two or three pre-recorded sentences.

Oh, where we go?

We go to clubbing now?

Come on, hey.

My cousin, he's a... he's just an empty box,

you know, with a... with a stupid fucking bow on it.

And, uh, that box is gonna stay empty

- unless he's willing to put a... - But me?

The box that is me has something in it.

Yeah, it's filled to the rim.

What are you talking about?

That's why I'm in love with you, Liz.

And, uh...

And even more concerning is, uh...

I like you.

I really, really...

like you.

It's weird that you paid me for my painting.

It was for sale. It had a price tag next to it,

and no little red dot to tell me

that somebody'd gotten to it first.

And it spoke to me, you know?

It said... "Bring me home."

So I listened, same as I did when I met you.

Hmm.

We exchanged money

after we exchanged spit

and everything else.

Yeah. It's just money, Liz, you know?

If it is so upsetting to you,

you know, you can give it to charity.

No, no, no, no.

I want to keep the money.

Mm!

I want to keep all... the Westbridge money

so I can throw it back in your face someday.

- I think I might like that. - Oh...

Yeah, I bet you would.

Wait.

Just wait.

The cake.

The cake.

- The cake?! - Just--you're gonna love it.

Just please, just sit, sit. Two seconds.

Okay.

The caretaker, she--she can't keep...

mice out of the walls but, uh...

but she... she makes

a really great cake.

- Mm. I don't like chocolate. - What? Since when?

Since... forever,

since I was a kid,

since the entire time we've been together.

Oh, well, shit.

I'm...

I'm an asshole.

I thought all women liked chocolate.

Classic Westbridge boy.

I guess I got more of my cousin in me than I thought.

It's really good, though.

So?

Tastes like shit.

Oh...

I hate being outside.

Fuck. I wish for Uber.

Hi?

Oh, fucking you, ass-in-holes!

There you are.

Sorry.

Morning.

♪ I lied to my heart

♪ You're in love with me

♪ Tried to believe

♪ You're mine

You feeling okay?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah. Um...

I got a patient coming out

of a medically induced coma today,

and, uh...

and I'm just waiting

for somebody to tell me she's all clear.

Mrs. Portnoy. Yeah.

A darling old gal, and I'm...

I'm pulling for her.

What are you drawing?

Nothing.

Malcolm?

Malcolm?

Fuck!

Fuck. Bad--bad--bad news, hon.

What happened?

Uh, Mrs. Portnoy, she's, uh...

She's not waking up. Yeah.

Her kids are there at the hospital.

Daughter's inconsolable.

Oh, shit!

- Yeah. - So what?

So I--I gotta--I gotta go. I gotta go deal with it.

Oh.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm--I'm--I'm...

I'm really sorry.

But duty calls.

Um, you know, and if--if everything goes

the way these things normally go...

How do these things normally go?

She'll wake up, you know?

But I'm--I'm not worried about her.

I'm worried about you.

It's fine.

I think I'll just maybe...

...settle in here.

Okay.

Okay. Uh, the--the--the fridge is stocked.

There's wine in the kitchen.

And, uh...

there's good wine in the basement,

if you feel like celebrating.

When will you be back?

Six.

Six.

With traffic, seven at the latest.

It's fine.

I'm fine.

I can handle myself.

You go. Go fulfill your oath.

I'll just be here, looking through your drawers.

Okay.

Okay.

Hello?

I'm spying on the rich neighbors.

And... you said call, so...

You at your cabin?

Oh, it's not my cabin.

- Not yet. - Ha-ha.

So, what is it, like, some fortress, or...

No, hardly.

Privacy's, like, not really a thing.

The bathroom's the only room with a door that locks,

and it's all windows with zero blinds.

Horrifying!

Yeah. Also, I feel like I took mushrooms.

Well, is that because you took mushrooms?

And the man of the house,

what's he up to?

Hello? Liz?

No, I'm here.

Uh, Malcolm went into the city,

so I'm just kind of, like... snoopin', not snoopin'.

Wait, he left you alone there?

Yeah. But it's nice, actually.

Oh, Liz.

He didn't want to. He had to work.

Yeah, he had to work his wife's pussy.

What the fuck, Mags?

Listen, I'm just telling it to you straight!

- You know what you are. - And what am I?

- I don't want to say it. - Yeah, so don't.

You're a side piece, Liz.

Cool. Thanks. Glad I can count on you.

Do you want me to come get you?

- You don't have a car. - This isn't

who you're supposed to be, some kept woman in a house.

Kept? That sucks. Fuck you.

- Fucking hold on a minute-- - No, it's fine. Bye.

Fucking bitch.

Oh, my God!

What?

Oh, Jesus!

How did you get inside?

I am inside now.

So am I.

Yeah...

What's going on?

You know what you are.

Is Darren with you?

You'll wake the children.

Where did you come from?

Where did you come from?

The distant past.

There.

There is why the children think you are their mother.

Oh...

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit!

Shit, shit, shit!

Oh!

Okay.

I can see you!

Be a good little Westbridge boy

and open the door.

What's done is done, man.

I brought our traditional libations!

He's not here.

Uh...

What--what was it again? Was--was it... Linda?

No, uh, Liz, actually.

Where's Malcolm?

Uh, he had to go back to the city to see a patient.

He'll be back any second.

He left you here alone on your big weekend?

That's... not good.

Is... Minka with you?

Mind opening the door?

Yeah, uh... I, uh... I...

Maybe you should come back later.

You caught me in the middle of a nap, and I--

Yeah, how about you let me into my own family's home?

Thank you. I'll be quick.

Fuck.

Where did he say he was going?

Uh, to the hospital to see a patient.

Oh.

And you're just, uh... hanging out?

Uh, yeah.

You like it out here? You feeling good? Or...

- Yeah, it's good. - Uh-huh.

So you had a nice dinner?

What did you think of the caretaker's cake?

Um, it was fine.

Yeah?

And, uh, you feel sleepy?

You said you were having a nap?

I love naps.

But you know what will keep this party going?

What?

Scotch!

I'm really not in the mood.

Heh.

Malcolm's right, you know.

There's something special about you.

You're not like all the other girls.

Yep, he does say that.

- One drink? - Oh...

Come on.

Sure. What the hell?

Uh, you know where the glasses are?

Mm-hmm.

- Where are you going? - Uh...

- The bathroom. - Okay.

Go away!

Shit!

But that's all right.

No need to call me back, bro.

You've reached the voice mailbox

of Dr. Malcolm Westbridge.

Um, Malcolm...

Your cousin was here.

He seemed surprised that I was.

Can you just be here already?

♪ ...don't want to play in your yard ♪

♪ I don't like you

♪ Anymore

♪ You'll be sorry

♪ When you see me

♪ Sliding down our cellar door ♪

♪ You can't holler

♪ Down our rain barrel

Malcolm?

♪ You can't climb our apple tree ♪

♪ I don't want to play in your yard ♪

♪ If you can't be

♪ Good...

Oh!

Oh!

Uh...

Okay. There we go.

Hey.

Oh, shit, I'm sorry. Could--

Any chance you're still willing to come get me?

The fuck?

Heh, I--I--I just need to get the fuck out of here.

Uh... There's something...

I don't know, this...

There's something wrong.

- Can you get up here? - Oh... um...

Yeah. Sure, I guess. Of cour...

...me just... throw the...

I hate the fucking country.

Oh... you're cutting out?

Huh, what?

Just telling it... straight.

Are you--are you gonna come get me?

No.

You're the mother.

What the fuck are you talking about?!

Just tell me you're coming to get me.

Tell me that you're right now figuring out a car.

Maggie?

God!

Liz.

I called you a bunch of times.

There were people here. I'm leaving.

Well, no--what? Uh, people...

Uh, no. What do you mean, you're leaving?

Hey, what's going on?

Who the fuck was that woman who just shows up?

A woman, what woman?

An old lady with a bag on her head?

Is that the... is that the caretaker?

I don't understand. A--a bag? She--she put a bag?

It was fucking creepy and fucked up!

She had a...

a fucking plastic bag on her face!

Yeah. That sounds awful.

I'm sorry, honey, but can we please just calm down?

No, no, no, no, no!

Your--your cousin was here, too!

- He just dropped in. - What?

- Yeah! - Darren w--?

Yeah, he just, he seemed pretty fucking surprised

that I was here, too. What the fuck, Malcolm?!

Is he still here? Darren!

No! I don't know.

He just showed up

and then he left without saying anything.

He left his watch in the fucking sink.

Don't ask me!

What? No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no. Please, please, please, please.

- No, I'm leaving. - You can't just leave.

I'm leaving. I don't feel well.

I... I... This place isn't...

This place isn't right for me.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Just... Let's just...

Okay? Just a half hour. I just need a half hour.

I just need a... I--I--I got to do a few things.

Just... But what can I do? Tell me what you want me to do.

Go search the house!

Search the house? Okay.

Make sure that they're... all gone!

Okay. Okay. I'll make sure. Sure. All right.

Okay, take your coat off. Please, honey.

My God.

Anybody here?

Hello?

Where are you, you sneaky bitches?

Anybody here?

- BOO! - Oh, my God.

What are you holding?

Hmm...

Hmm? Oh, yeah.

Uh...

Oh.

Look what I found.

I'm sorry I left you alone.

- Yeah, you are. - Mm-hmm.

- You're a dick. - Yes, I am.

Yep.

Shall we have a glass?

- A glass? - Yeah.

Come on.

♪ If you ever change your mind ♪

♪ About leaving

♪ Leaving me behind

Oh.

Oh, I love watching you smile.

Hmm.

You're a liar.

What?

What are you talking about?

You're a fucking liar.

- What? - Mm-hmm.

You said you'd be back way later.

Oh.

Well, what can I say?

There was no traffic on the bridge.

How's Mrs. Portnoy?

Who's Mrs. Portnoy?

Oh. Heh.

How terribly cold the heart of a doctor can be.

How quickly I can set work aside when...

when I'm--I'm looking at the woman that I love.

- Hmm. - Mm.

- She died. - Oh, no.

Yeah, she died. She died, um, peacefully.

Mm-hmm.

- Her children were by her side. - Aww.

I think... I think that is the... very most that...

- Yeah. - ...any of us can ask for.

- Yeah, that's good. - Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

- Do you want more? - Sure.

Ah. Hey, hey! Where are you going?

Tell me what you want. Tell me what you want, I'll get it.

- Bathroom. - Okay.

Well, I can't help you there.

Stupid, stupid, fucking idiot.

You feeling okay?

Hey, just a second.

Please tell me you're not pregnant.

Uh, no, I'm all good. Just peeing.

Why don't you come out of there

so we can talk about this?

Talk about what?

Oh.

It's not what you think.

So you're not married?

You weren't just in the city with your wife?

I wasn't in the city with my wife.

I'm not married.

Look, Liz, I fucked up and you caught me.

Come on, just open the door.

I just want to talk to you about it.

It doesn't really lock. Uh...

It's just, it's more hospitable to let it feel like it does.

What--what is this?

- Can I see that? - Who is this?

Who the fuck is this?

It was a long time ago.

That's you, isn't it? How the fuck is this you?

I--I--I want to leave now.

I...

I understand, but I can't let you do that.

You can't let me do that?!

Who the fuck are you?!

I'm Malcolm Westbridge.

I'm your friend. I'm your lover.

I'm the same man that you've known for a year.

I'm a doctor. I'm a decent guy.

I save lives when I can. When I can't, I can't.

But there's a bunch of other stuff, too.

I want to go.

I understand. It's just...

Hmm.

Can we just sit in the living room,

you know, just talk for a minute?

I'm not fucking sitting down.

It's a pretty good offer, considering.

Oh.

Come on.

Would it matter if I said that, um...

I never wanted you to suffer?

Because I love you. I do.

And what is about to happen is not in vain.

It is the most beautiful act of love

one could ever commit.

You're giving me life.

Malcolm, whatever you think you need to say to me, just...

Just go back to your family.

And let me go.

One nibble of the cake. One!

One nibble of the cake,

and the lion turns lamb, limp and languid.

It was supposed to knock you out.

But you had to go ahead

and eat the whole thing.

You're... I should've known you'd be different.

They present themselves to you as women, do they?

Because that they are not.

In truth, I--I--I don't know what they are, um,

and I've known them a long time, a long time.

Uh...

- Malcolm... - Yes, Liz?

What the fuck are you talking about?

Yeah, Darren and I, we were--we were kids

when we found their mother...

in that creek you saw.

That was more than 200 years ago.

But somehow, you look exactly like her.

She was a beautiful woman,

their mother.

But she was a trespasser

on my father's land.

We'd seen her many times before,

dancing naked in the river by the light of the moon.

And that wasn't allowed.

We threw her in with the swine...

...not caring about her

or whatever bastard she was carrying.

When we returned, we saw she'd given birth.

But to what?

Malcolm...

j--just let me go.

Just let me leave.

So the fairy tale goes,

the lowly fisherman draws in his line

and finds ensnared on its hook a fish.

To the lowly fisherman, the fish speaks,

a voice escaping its... white and throbbing throat.

"Pray you, kind sir,

throw me back into my ocean,"

the dying fish says,

"and I will grant you three wishes."

Why doesn't the fish wish itself off the hook?

Why doesn't it grant itself its own freedom?

Perhaps because it knows...

it is nothing more than a fish.

The creatures that live in this house,

in these woods...

they're the fish on the hook,

incapable of imagining their own freedoms.

While we, the perfect little Westbridge boys,

we see our wishes granted for all time.

We are given life eternal

while they cringe and cower

and feed in the shadows of our houses,

unseen and unloved,

standing in their own piss.

And when they get hungry,

...when the wailing

of their hunger pangs grows

too loud for the neighbors,

we feed them.

Malcolm...

you love me.

You said that.

Yes, and that-- that is--that is why

I--I don't stay to watch or to listen when it happens.

Uh... Malcolm, let's go back.

I want to go back...

to before.

Mm-hmm, to when we didn't know each other,

to then.

Can we do that?

Can we just do that?

Just when... we didn't know...

we didn't know any of this?

You're gonna die, Liz.

Oh, my...

So I can...

live a little longer.

It's gonna happen in this house.

A wooden box for your coffin.

I wish it weren't so.

Oh, I really do.

But it is.

Be thankful I'm not my neighbors

up the way on Teacup Road.

Standing next to them, Darren and I were

perfect little gentlemen.

They seal the place.

Don't ask me how, it's their magic.

FUCK!

No, no, no...

Oh...

Ah! Ah!

♪ I don't want to play in your yard ♪

♪ I don't like you

♪ Anymore

♪ You'll be sorry

♪ When you see me

♪ Sliding down our cellar door ♪

♪ You can't holler

♪ Down our rain barrel

♪ You can't climb our apple tree ♪

♪ I don't want to play in your yard ♪

♪ If you can't be good to me

♪ You can't holler down our rain barrel ♪

♪ You can't climb our apple tree ♪

♪ I don't wanna play in your yard ♪

♪ If you can't be good to me

Guess what I found?

Hi, Julia.

Hey, Leslie.

Francis.

Louise.

Meet Liz.

Oh...

What the fuck?

What are you?

Your children.

And all the women that came before.

NO!

NO!

NO! NO--

Ah...

Ah...

Help!

Help!

Hey!

Help!

Morning.

Liz?

Oh, thank God.

Cut me down from here.

Please.

Please.

Please!

Liz, what did they do to you?

They asked me to stay.

But this is my...

This is my house.

Oh.

I'm the master here!

You live here 'cause I live here.

No... I don't want any.

Malcolm.

- Oh. - I don't want any.

Mm. Malcolm, listen...

This fork is going into your face

one way or another.

Might as well taste good.

I never wanted to hurt you.

You didn't. I'm fine.

Now here comes the airplane.

That's a good little Westbridge boy.

Oh, Malcolm.

You were the one...

I really loved.

I bet you say that to all the girls.

♪ I must have been through

♪ About a million girls

♪ I love 'em and I leave 'em alone ♪

♪ I didn't care how much they cried, no sir ♪

♪ Their tears left me cold as a stone ♪

♪ But then I fooled around and fell in love ♪

♪ I fooled around and fell in love ♪

♪ I fooled around and fell in love ♪

♪ It used to be when I'd see

♪ A girl that I liked

♪ I'd get out my book and write down her name ♪

♪ But when the grass got a little greener ♪

♪ On the other side

♪ I'd just tear out that page

♪ But then I fooled around and fell in love ♪

♪ I fooled around and fell in love ♪

♪ Since I met you, baby

♪ I fooled around and fell ♪

♪ In love

♪ I fooled around and fell in love ♪

♪ Oh

♪ Oh

♪ Free on my own

♪ That's the way I used to be ♪

♪ But since I met you baby

♪ Love's got a hold on me

♪ Woo, it's got a hold on me now, yeah ♪

♪ I can't let go of you, baby