Original subtitles

Thank you.

Huh.

One.

Two. Three.

Can you come for me?

good -looking.

And to top it all off, I just moved into this great -looking, funky old house.

So what am I doing to celebrate, you ask?

Reading Playboy.

You know, I don't know where my girlfriend is, and all my buddies seem

disappeared.

You know, you think for one day of the year that... Ah, fuck it.

Self -pity's a bummer.

Yeah, it's open.

I'm Gail.

Oh, hi yourself, Gail.

What's going on?

I've got a message for you.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday...

I also do bachelor parties in case any of my friends are interested.

Really? Um, what goes on at these parties?

Oh, me and one of my girlfriends, we do a striptease and a dance.

Dance?

You mean all the way to the buff?

Start naked, of course.

And we have a bodyguard that watches over everybody and makes sure that the

don't get too rowdy.

Oh, I can imagine.

Rowdy. Rowdy or not.

Lonely, definitely.

You know, by any chance, Gail, you wouldn't... You wouldn't dance for me,

you? I mean, I'm sure my friends didn't put it on the bill or anything, but...

That's all right.

This one's on the house.

Mm.

Thank you.

um wow

um um

Oh.

um um

um um

Oh.

oh oh yeah

Oh,

God.

oh oh

Oh.

oh come on yeah

Yeah, it's open.

What a dump.

Let me guess, you could be the, um... Topless maid.

My name's Nina.

I'll have this place in ship shape in no time.

Well, it looks pretty ship -shaped to me.

I'm talking about your house.

Especially this living room.

Oh, shit.

I have this feeling that isn't another service. Please put your top on, little

fuck.

Hi.

Happy birthday.

How you doing?

Hi,

dog. Who is this?

Nina,

and who are you, the girlfriend?

Look, honey, why don't we go upstairs?

We can open our present in private.

You know, leave her to, like, pause just a little bit.

Whatever the fuck she does.

Your timing's a little off.

You mean you two know each other?

Yes.

We're from the same agency.

Oh.

So what do you mean our timing's off?

His girlfriend just showed up and they're upstairs looking at her present

now.

Well, this is Billy and this is Cliff and they're the ones that called the

agency. Well, come on in.

We'll have a party of our own.

Well, seeing how, uh...

I'm busy.

You think Suzanne would mind giving me his massage instead?

I don't think so. I don't think so at all.

Jack, won't you tell me about this knuckle right here? I want to know

causing it. One of them.

Okay,

eight ball in the corner pocket. Ready?

Squeeze your butt.

Like I was telling you, I really do like the new way of playing eight ball.

Yeah?

Mm -hmm.

My butt isn't as perky as yours is.

Well, we can try.

We can try.

It's kind of fun.

Oh, man, I'm just a lousy shot.

I'm just not good.

What did you do, Jo?

Well, I built that muscle that needed massaging.

Yes, I'll give it a try.

I've got some muscles I can use massaging myself through.

I did do a dime on my phone, so you don't need to call.

Yes. My dime.

It's my turn.

Let me go.

Shall I roll over?

I don't know.

Hi.

Yeah.

Watch me make it clear.

um um

That's all.

Oh.

Whoa.

Hi.

oh my god

I can't do

it.

oh yeah oh yeah

Oh, God.

Oh, yes!

Probably. Probably.

My time is up.

My time is up.

Want to do it again?

No. It's my time this time.

Hey, I'm not the topless gardener you know.

I'm an indoor girl.

Well, I'm making you an outdoor girl.

Besides, if you really want a clean, timeless place, it'd take about a week

each room.

And what does an outdoor girl do?

Top with sunbathing.

Look, it's a little wanker.

Listen, it's just a break from the routine.

Tom's in no position to mind your terms.

And you are?

Well, we can't help her.

Now doesn't this beat dusting old room?

Good morning.

thank you

It's not so bad being an outdoor girl, isn't it?

No, I guess not.

Hmm.

Bye. Bye.

Would you like to suck a nice big cock?

Yes, I would love to.

Thank you.

Dear. Yes.

Very.

Very.

I love you.

I love you.

Too hard.

Harder.

Harder. Harder? Harder. My dick don't get any harder than this. Harder.

Yeah.

Oh,

God. Nina.

I like the apple much more.

Yes, sir.

Who now can that be?

Why don't you let your topless maid answer it?

Oh, come on, Don. I'm sure she's quit by now.

I'm coming.

Tom!

Tom, I thought I'd surprise you after your birthday.

Thanks. I know it's been a while since we've seen each other, but I've been

thinking about you a lot lately.

I thought it's Tom's birthday. I should go over and cheer him up.

Thanks. It's wonderful.

Tom, why are you acting so funny?

Funny? I'm not acting funny.

You know what?

Let's get you more comfortable.

Gee, Tom, I know it's your birthday, but shouldn't you at least wait?

Hi, Donna.

Guess what?

My friends, they sent me another chocolate present.

You're Barbara, right?

Yeah, a barber.

Would you believe a topless barber?

I mean, what are they going to think of next?

And you don't even need a haircut.

Isn't that cute?

Well, um, Miss Barber Lady, thank you very much, but, um, I've had about all

topless presents I could move for about the next 20 years, so, um... Thanks.

Donna!

Donna!

They tell me you're a topless barber. I didn't think our agency handled topless

barbers. I've never heard of it.

No, I'm just an ex -girlfriend. I don't tell them for bad timing.

Ouch.

I'm sorry, honey. That's gotta hurt, huh?

I assume... Well, anyway.

Are you one of the, um... One of the guests? Yeah.

I'm a topless masseuse.

Actually, I'm really not a bad masseuse. It's the top that makes it work, you

know.

Got pretty strong hands. I can go through. God, you're tense.

That's right.

You're worth it.

Big,

crunchy right there.

Okay, wait a minute. This shirt is getting in my way.

How's that feel?

Good.

Wonderful. Good.

You deserve something at all.

You are really, really just about it.

Oh. So, how do you feel about a real massage?

That feels great.

Okay. Get out of one of those clothes so I can get to you.

And I tend to work up a bit of sweat myself, so I'm just going to take my

and we'll get down to it.

Okay?

Like a really fun spirit.

I am.

Totally.

And then we learn and all miracles

happen.

Be friends.

Think of different times and places.

Sensation.

Oh, you've got a strong hand.

That's a beautiful thing.

Knowledge.

That feels good.

Curve of your back here.

It tickles.

Does it?

Mm -hmm.

I'm going to place her on top of someone.

Yeah, .

Oh, so beautiful.

I think you're right.

I think you're right.

I feel so good.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh shit.

Good girl. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

my God.

Now you're up.

Kiss it.

Just kiss it. Kiss it. Kiss it.

Touching. Oh, yeah.

Touching. Oh, yeah. Oh,

yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God.

Daddy, you can't go. It's my birthday. Come on.

No, I don't know. It's ridiculous.

No, no, look.

I promise there'll be no more topless kids. No more. That's it.

Hey, Tom, come on out here.

This is the best present yet.

You're not going to believe what we got you this time.

Hey!

Tell him we'll be right down.

Tell him that.

Uh, Bobby, we'll be right down.

Right down.

Okay, here they come.

Pat.

I mean, it's only a cake, but it's a thought that counts.

Well, on behalf of Tom and myself, I'd like to thank you all for all you've

to invite Tom's birthday and your own days as well, obviously.

Yeah, um, thanks, guys.

But why don't you take the topless besides and the topless maid and get out

make us a long food and finish Tom's birthday.

Oh, you're a party pooper.

We'll go to the movies.

Fine.

Let's go see if the family's here.

We

called team

Claire. I don't care.

No, I don't want one more interruption.

They're still here in my opinion.

Amen.

Oh.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Good.

Um, uh...

ah

Hello.

Whoa.

um uh

oh oh

Mm -hmm.

Would you like to meet beautiful, exciting women over the phone?

Girls who will make your wildest fantasies come true?

Please, adults only.

Pick up the phone.

Call me now.

Would you like to meet beautiful, exciting women over the telephone?

I mean women that make your wildest fantasies come true.

Please, but don't call me.

Don't call me now.