Original subtitles

(light, gentle music playing)

John Wilson: Hey, New York.

Whenever your friends ask you to hang out,

you kind of just let them determine what you do.

And a lot of the time, it involves watching sports.

Their eyes are always glued to the screen,

but you never have any idea what's going on.

They all talk to each other the whole time,

trading stories about the characters on TV.

And at a certain point,

they just stop engaging with you

because your mind is clearly blank

and you have nothing to offer.

You never really tried getting into sports growing up

because you had more important stuff,

uh, to focus on.

(intense cinematic music playing)

The competitions that you usually like to watch

are always kind of strange,

and involve either feats of strength

or breaking some kind of world record.

(deeply inhales)

(singing soft, high note)

(maintaining note)

(note wavering)

(inhales, exhales)

John: Wow. Congrats.

But when you try to talk to normal people about this stuff,

they never seem to care.

Do you ever watch lumberjack competitions?

Uh, not really.

John: You wanna be able to talk about sports,

but you don't even know the basic rules of most games.

You're not even sure which team to root for.

But, maybe if you learned how to become a real fan,

you can finally blend in with the rest of your friends.

So, instead of just sitting on the sidelines

the rest of your life, stick with me,

and I'll show you how to hit it out of the park,

slam dunk,

take one for the team,

and finally just, uh,

get, get in the game.

The number of different sports you can be a fan of

may seem endless, but if you wanna fit in,

you should try to focus on a, a major one.

You weirdly got a message from the New York Mets

a while ago, inviting you to a game

that you never, uh, responded to.

So, you thought it would be a good time

to take them up on their offer.

Even though you're still not sure

if the invitation was meant for you.

But before you go, you should make sure you're prepared.

So, start by going out and buying some apparel.

-This is the Mets, right? -Cashier: Yeah.

John: Thank you so much.

Then you can look up the history of, of the team,

uh, to make sure you're up to speed

before you get there.

Baseball players also use a lot of hand signals,

so you should try to study those in public, too.

(energetic synth music playing)

♪ ♪

-(synth music stops) -And when you're done with that,

just drive over to the stadium

to spend some quality time at Citi Field.

(upbeat music playing)

(inaudible dialogue)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

The forecast wasn't, uh, looking very good, so, um,

you should try to kill some time before the game begins.

What do you think's gonna happen?

-Mets gonna lose. -John: Oh, shit.

When it rains, they have a whole team of people

that just wipe down each individual seat

just in case the weather gets better.

There's a guy who walks around to make sure

everyone's still drinking enough alcohol.

And there's a big meatloaf for all the male photographers

in, in the press room.

Every game, a, a Mets tradition,

is a sing-along to Billy Joel's "Piano Man."

-John: Oh, really? -Um, so, those are the lyrics.

John: But it's always... it's sponsored by Dunkin now?

Rep: It's sponsored by Dunkin, yeah.

John: Do, do you guys have, like, a kiss cam?

Rep: We don't have a kiss cam anymore.

It was, you know, just some weird

consensual things

that we thought didn't really fit well in 2022.

John: Do you think the game's still gonna go on today?

That's... I don't know. Everybody thinks I'm a weatherman.

I got people calling me and texting me.

I-It's in the umpire's hands,

so it doesn't look too promising.

But, don't look too promising tomorrow either, unfortunately.

John: And after three hours of waiting,

the game was finally postponed.

You're really upset that you aren't gonna be able

to get the full experience,

but, thankfully, a fan that you met there

invited you to come back to his place

to watch some old games on TV instead.

-Wow. -This is my living room and my dining room.

-All in one. -John: Cool.

These are all my Met glasses on top.

-I don't know if you can really see them. -John: Oh, yeah.

This is like my Hall of Fame area for pins.

I don't know if that'll show with the glare.

John: What about, what do you like about pins so much?

Fan: I don't know, but it's... Eh, I just enjoy it.

-John: What is this? -Fan: Oh, that's paper.

John: This is paper? It's like a flip book

that doesn't change.

How'd you get into the Mets to begin with?

Oh, that's my father, who says he created this monster,

-so, yeah, he takes the blame for it, but... -(John laughs)

-John: Is he still here right now? -Yes, he is.

Yeah, he's downstairs.

John: Do you remember the first time

that you brought your son to the game?

Oh, my God. That was...

He was about maybe 7 or 8 years old,

I guess, him and his brother,

who turned out to be a Yankee fan, unfortunately.

-He's, he's been my caregiver for the last two years. -John: Oh, yeah?

-It's nice you take care of your dad here. -Fan: Thank you.

You know what I tell everybody?

"You should've seen me when I was alive."

(all laugh)

-John: Please don't burn yourself. -Fan: Nah.

-John: Okay. Alright, it looks good. -Fan: Smokin'.

So, we'll watch a little 1986 Mets.

John: Yes, please.

Was the '86 team a, a good team?

Oh, that team was phenomenal.

They started the season, like, two and three,

and then they wheeled off 10 wins in a row.

-John: Uh-huh. -Fan: Reggie Jackson. I think that's Kent Her...

There's, uh, Ray Knight. When the Mets won that game six,

they came from behind with two out, nobody on.

-Carlton Fisk... -John: He seemed to know a lot

about all the different people on the team.

And you kinda wish that you were watching a game

where you knew at least a little something

about the players.

-What is this stuff? -Fan: That's stuff my dad taped.

I don't even know what's on it.

-What is this? -John: This is stuff your dad taped?

-Fan: What is that? OJ Simpson? Ah, that's my dad.

He made a whole bunch of tapes. He might have taped over them.

John: Oh, okay.

Fan: He was one of the best. He set the record

with 2,003 or 2,007 yards.

John: Who did OJ play for?

Fan: He was, uh, on the Buffalo, uh, Bills?

Everybody thought he was a great person

and a great, uh, sports player.

You know, football player.

-John: Hm. -They used to call him "The Juice"

John: You're already pretty familiar with,

uh, all the stuff that OJ did,

so maybe you'd, uh, have a bit more fun going to, uh,

see his former team play a game.

Do you have any tickets? Oh.

You guys don't know how to get tickets, do you?

-Uh... -Uh, sorry, bro.

I don't. I-I don't, uh...

John: You know how to get tickets?

-They're gone now! -John: Okay.

So if you can't find a ticket,

it seems like a big part of the experience

is standing in a big parking lot with other fans,

uh, before the game begins.

They grill meats together on the hood of their cars,

eat pudding,

and pay tribute to teammates

that are no longer with us.

This seems like a paradise for people that actually care.

But, you still weren't really sure

how to participate.

♪ ♪

A lot of their rituals seem to have mutated over the years

into something designed to scare outsiders.

There was nowhere to hide,

and you were a complete mess

by the time everyone went into the stadium.

It just felt like you were at a big family reunion

where you didn't know anyone.

And maybe you missed some kind of crucial formative moment

when you were a kid.

(quiet street noise)

-Go Bills. -(fan scoffs)

John: When you were growing up,

your family never really watched the game.

♪ ♪

Your only exposure to professional athletics

was the swimsuit issue of "Sports Illustrated"

that your dad got you every year.

There wasn't many sports in there,

but there are a bunch of girly pictures

that you cut out and plastered

all over the walls of your childhood bedroom.

You're pretty sure your dad gave them to you

to make sure that you were straight.

But, it eventually made you so horny

that you ended up fooling around

with one of your best male friends

all throughout middle school.

You were both kind of ashamed of it

and never really talked about it with anyone.

And maybe that all had some kind of impact

on the kind of adult you became.

You tried a couple of other sports,

but you couldn't really get excited about

what you were watching.

And the only part that caught your attention

was when nobody was playing.

(classical music playing)

♪ ♪

Being around this many people

also gave you terrible claustrophobia,

and you kept replaying a scenario

over and over in your head of what would happen

if you all tried to leave at the same time.

You always enjoyed having little get-togethers

at your place,

and maybe you'd feel more relaxed

watching the next big game at home with your friends.

So, you go out to the supermarket to get some snacks

and text a few pals.

You also haven't cleaned your apartment in a while,

and it had a thin layer of dust over everything,

and you desperately need to clean up

if you wanna entertain.

-But when you try to turn on your vacuum... -(vacuum whirring)

...it doesn't really seem to work,

and nothing you do really fixes it.

So, you look online and find a vacuum repair store

that's still open.

Hello.

-Hi. How are you? -John: Good.

So do you work on Dysons here?

I'm working on a Dyson now.

We do more Dysons than anything else.

-John: Are they, like, hard to fix at all? -Oh, yeah.

Yeah, they're, they're a pain in the neck to get apart.

They're just very, very overrated.

John: Yeah.

Did vacuum cleaners used to be built better?

Oh, a hundred percent!

John: Oh, wow. That is a very cool design.

Right here. Hoover Constellation.

And when you turn it on, the air,

the exhaust, comes out of the bottom,

so it actually floated on the air and moved around.

John: Oh, cool. Do people still use these things?

Yeah. Oh, sure. Oh, yeah. We still fix Kirbys.

Yeah, we fix them all the time.

There's groups that collect these things, uh...

-(door beeps) -Repairman: How you doing, sir?

-John: No, it's okay. It's okay. Please. -Repairman: No, that's alright.

I just had a question.

I have a, a problem where it's, like, a lot of gunk in here,

-so it doesn't... -Repairman: Phones we don't work on at all.

This was a good machine actually.

This, this machine here.

This was the standard, uh, Hoover upright.

I forget what, uh...

Convertible, I think they called that.

-Really good, strong machine. Just... -(phone ringing)

Hello?

-How are you? Are you bad? -(muffled phone chatter)

So, it's gotten worse again?

(phone chatter continues)

John: You're amazed that people still use these things

and it looked like they had an event happening soon.

Thankfully, only one person responded to your text

about watching the game,

so you're sure your friend

wouldn't mind if you did something else instead.

♪ ♪

The Vacuum Cleaner Collectors Club convention

was happening in Scranton, Pennsylvania,

at a Marriott TownePlace Suites.

It was their 37th anniversary,

and collectors from all over the country

turned up to show off their stuff.

-Wow. Was that hard to get? -Vac Man: No. Luckily, it was available,

-and so was Ohio Vac still. -John: Cool.

Collector 1: These are the first Hoovers from 1908.

John: So how many vacuums would you say that y-you own?

-Me? I have about 75. -John: Really?

Collector 2: I have about 120.

-John: You have 120 vacuums? -Yes.

I have a few buildings full and two houses full.

-(laughter) -Collector 3: Yeah, it happens.

Even the cats aren't afraid of them anymore. My cats are like,

"Oh, the blue one's out," you know? They don't...

-It, it doesn't scare them. -John: Oh.

Yeah, my cat is really afraid of my vacuum cleaner.

-Really? -John: Yeah.

♪ ♪

Oh, my God.

-(laughter) -John: Are you serious?

(slow whirring)

(whirring speeds up)

(rapid whining)

John: This is one of the coolest things I've ever seen.

The event began with a board meeting

where they discussed their finances.

Yes, we have about $9,000 in our treasury,

and the convention, I think, was around two.

So, um, I'll have a treasurer's report in the newsletter.

Board Member: The board had discussed, possibly,

if a member leaves not in good standing,

leaves our club, or gets kicked out,

that they're not allowed to rejoin later on.

-Collector 2: I've heard of that. Yeah. -Board Member: But...

("Roar" by Katy Perry ringtone playing)

-(clapping) -(laughter)

(indistinct chatter)

John: And once that was finished,

they put a bunch of stuff on the ground

and got ready for a signature sport of theirs.

What is that stuff?

-(John laughs) -I don't know what's it made of.

It's just, it's just, uh, what they use for...

simulate dog hair.

John: They put salt and confetti and stuff

in three different lanes,

and competitors try to suck up

as much as they could in a given amount of time.

The first round was canister vacuums

and the judges were really meticulous

in how they graded each performance.

(inaudible dialogue)

John: Next to compete were the upright vacuums

which were all very evenly matched.

It was an exhilarating sight and for the first time,

you completely understood all the rules.

You really wanted to know who won,

but, unfortunately, you were gonna have to wait

until the closing night ceremony

to see how everyone did.

What, what got you into vacuums?

I don't know. I was just kind of always...

-I've always been like that. -John: Really?

-Yeah. It's like... -(hose clattering)

I don't know what caused it. I just like vacuums.

-John: How many vacuums do you have at home? -I have, like...

25 to 30.

-John: Really? -I don't really know. Yeah.

Collector 4: Everybody here has the same, the same story.

As a little kid,

I was overly enamored with vacuum cleaners.

It didn't matter what it was. It was just as long

as it was a vacuum cleaner, and it plugged in...

(clicks tongue) I was good to go.

You know, it's just that simple.

And then, after a while, I realized that it was actually

kind of embarrassing, so I, I put it away.

John: Why do you feel like you had to hide it for a minute?

Because all the other little guys on the playground

-made fun of you. -John: Hm.

(laughs) You didn't have a baseball bat, didn't want to,

didn't want a football, didn't want a basketball.

I wanted to play with your mom's sweeper.

(laughs)

I... You know, you can pretty it up all you want,

and it all comes down to that.

(vacuum motor whirring)

(vacuum stops)

John: Did you see the, uh, vacuum convention happening over there?

-Say that again? -John: The vacuum convention happening right here?

I did. My grandmother had this.

-John: Oh, really? -When we were younger.

This one over here.

(clicks tongue) This one.

John: What was your relationship like with your grandmother?

Oh, we were tight until she... until, unfortunately,

-she passed away this past December, but. -John: Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm, I'm grateful that I had 38 years with her. You know?

I mean, she taught me a lot,

especially about how to be a man, you know.

And, you know, of course, cooking, cleaning.

That's all about adulthood,

but also about becoming your own independent man.

Does that vacuum actually work?

John: Yeah, it, it does, actually.

(slow whirring)

-Yo, look at that thing! -Oh, shit.

(whirring speeds up)

-Look at this! -Oh, shit.

-(laughs) -(mutters)

-I'm sorry, guys. -Sorry, guys!

-We're just adoring the vacuum over here. -(laughter)

John: Later that afternoon, they all met

at one of their houses for an annual barbecue,

and the host was excited to show off his collection.

-Are these all the same model? -Collector 3: They're convertibles.

I have the first one and the last one

and hundreds of others in between.

-This came from the actual parking lot. -John: Oh, okay.

We have...

-Is this devotion? (laughs) -John: Oh, cool.

Very nice. Yeah, you got everything.

I wore leg braces for 14 years and how I learned to walk

was pushing around my grandmother's Hoover.

If it wasn't for her having that, you know,

I wouldn't have been walking at the age of 2.

John: Why do you guys think it's, like,

mostly men that are collectors?

♪ ♪

I'm not really sure, 'cause there's...

-um, a couple women that... -There are.

I-I-I don't know why. I don't think anybody does.

I just liked vacuums, and whether or not

anyone else approved of that or not...

I mean, of course, respect your parents, that sort of thing.

But I just had vacuums, and I was okay with that.

I figure it's different for everyone though,

but there's always that sort of,

"Oh, he has vacuums. That's weird."

But, in the end, everyone has a vacuum.

♪ ♪

John: You were having a really good time

getting to know everyone there,

but you still weren't really sure

how their obsession originated.

And all three of those girls had that model 28,

which was a 1946 World War II thing.

John: Oh, okay.

It seems like they all had some kind of connection

with a, a family member's vacuum cleaner

when they were growing up.

I look at these cleaners,

and I remember all these relatives

and so many of them are dead now.

Not that I hold on to them,

but it's just I remember them all,

-and now, they're not here. -Collector 5: But I think that shows, that demonstrates

that the meaning goes a little bit beyond

just what the vacuum cleaner is, right?

I mean, you've got memories tied to it.

-John: Yeah. -That's what sort of brings it meaning.

♪ ♪

John: You're pretty sure your grandma

u-used to have an old vacuum, too.

But you're afraid that you weren't really

that close with her.

The last time you saw her,

you went to go see her in the hospital,

but you didn't know what to talk about.

You eventually said that you were hungry and...

went to go get some lunch and never came back.

She died a couple of days later,

and you felt really guilty

for not having spent more time with her.

Even though you're never really sure

how to say goodbye.

The next morning, they organized

a trip to the coal museum,

which gave you the opportunity

to test out some new material.

The carpets are pretty clean for a coal museum. (laughs)

Pretty clean for a coal museum.

I noticed that the carpet's pretty clean for a coal museum.

(laughs) It is.

♪ ♪

John: And for lunch, they had a pizza party

at a member's house nearby.

The host of the party was a, a man named Joe

who was really excited to show you his collection

because each vacuum had a unique story.

Turned out that the guy killed his wife,

and then he put a... then he shot himself,

and the bullet went through his head, into my aunt's wall,

ricocheted off a light fixture,

and landed on the hood of the vacuum cleaner.

-John: Oh, my God. -Joe: The police found it.

That's my murder-suicide vacuum.

Since I was a kid, I could always remember,

even when we would go shopping, I would disappear,

and I'd go right to the vacuum aisles

and, and look at them.

John: Did, like, the other kids, when you were growing up, did...

I kept... No, I kept it to myself.

I was... No, nobody...

I didn't tell anybody about it.

John: How old were you when you, uh, came out?

(sighs) You mean vacuuming?

-John: Yeah. -(Joe laughs)

I was in my 50s.

-John: Really? -'Cause I'm 64 now.

-John: You were hiding it for that long? -Hiding it. I was hiding it.

This one,

my father bought it for me, and I came home, and he said,

"I got a present for ya."

John: What was your relationship like with your,

like, with your father?

He was hundred percent supportive of this.

Hundred percent.

He thought it was great. He would sometimes come out

on the workbench with me, and I'd understand

how to put a cord on or change a switch.

And he would... 'Cause he was very handy.

He never actually fixed vacuums.

-John: Hm. -But he knew a lot, enough that he could teach me stuff,

and he taught me a lot.

John: Does he still help out or...

Oh, my father passed away.

-John: Oh, I'm sorry. -Yeah.

I buried him last weekend.

It's... It's-It's hard.

I said... He lived with me for so many years,

it was like losin' a spouse almost because he was...

And, uh, h-he was here.

You, know, a lot of times, I'll come home from somewhere,

and I'll wanna go tell him what happened or what ha...

and I'm like, "Oh, I can't. He's not here anymore."

The day before he died, I went out up to the hospital,

and I held his hand, and we watched Mass on TV

'cause he always... when he couldn't go to the church anymore,

he always wanted to watch it on TV.

I watched it with him, and I held his hand,

and I said, "Dad, it's... everything's gonna be okay.

It's gonna be alright."

And I said, as much as he couldn't talk,

when I walked out of that room, clear as anything,

he said to me, "Remember, I love you."

(voice breaking) I'm sorry.

-Please turn it off. -John: It's okay.

-It's okay. I'm sorry. -(Joe gasps)

Joe: And then I got a call the next morning at six o'clock,

and they told me that he died in his sleep.

I couldn't be there all night with him.

I don't know exactly what time they found him,

at, uh, quarter to six in the morning. (sharp inhale)

My cousin, she lived in Ten... she lives in Tennessee.

And she said somethin' that made me feel kind of good.

She goes, "You cry because you miss him,

not because you have anything to regret with your father."

-Mm. I try to remember that some time. -John: That's true.

(soft piano music playing)

(inaudible dialogue)

♪ ♪

John: When you got back to the hotel,

they gave out all the awards for the competition...

(applause)

Matthew was the Constellation.

-(applause) -John: ...and packed up all their stuff

and got ready for the long drive home.

(wheels rumbling)

-(tapping) -And we usually do this in tap shoes, okay?

-(John laughs) -We weren't, we weren't prepared.

-Actually have... -Our musical accompanist

is, is home sick with herpes or something.

-(straining) -Shit.

♪ ♪

John: Maybe it's okay if you don't like the same games

as everyone else does.

Because the fewer fans that there are,

the stronger the bonds are that you'll make.

And if you're having a hard time

communicating with the people that you love,

just make sure you take the opportunity

while they're still around,

because you may only get one shot.

And if you do miss the chance,

you can always find

another way to remember them,

which can keep you company

for a long time after they're gone.

♪ ♪

Because in the end,

everyone has a vacuum,

and you can always just take it out

whenever you're ready.

This is John Wilson.

Thanks for watching.

(mellow music playing)

♪ ♪