Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

(Man bellows) In the name of Preverti, daughter of the mountains

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

whose embrace with Rani made the whole world tremble.

(All) Tremble!

(Man) Tremble.

Whose name is the Terrible.

Whose name is Baleful. Whose name is Inaccessible.

Whose name is the Black Mother, mother of darkness.

(All) Kaili!

(Man) We turn our hearts to Kaili, Drinker of blood, Black Mother.

(All) Kaili!

(Man) Killer of demons, gorge on this flesh, our offering.

- Drink... - Halt!

- Halt? - The ring.

She is not wearing the sacrificial ring.

(Murmuring)

She cannot be sacrificed without the ring.

Where is the ring? What has she done with the ring?

(All) The ring! The ring!

♪ Help! I need somebody

♪ Help! Not just anybody

♪ Help! You know I need someone

♪ Help!

♪ When I was younger, so much younger than today

♪ I never needed anybody's help in any way

♪ But now these days are gone I'm not so self assured

♪ Now I find I've changed my mind, I've opened up the doors

♪ Help me if you can I'm feeling down

♪ And I do appreciate you being 'round

♪ Help me get my feet back on the ground

♪ Won't you please, please help me?

♪ And now my life has changed in oh so many ways

♪ My independence seems to vanish in the haze

♪ But ev'ry now and then I feel so insecure

♪ I know that I just need you like I've never done before

♪ Help me if you can I'm feeling down

♪ And I do appreciate you being 'round

♪ Help me get my feet back on the ground

♪ Won't you please, please help me?

♪ When I was younger, so much younger than today

♪ I never needed anybody's help in any way

♪ But now these days are gone I'm not so self assured

♪ Now I find I've changed my mind, I've opened up the doors

♪ Help me if you can I'm feeling down

♪ And I do appreciate you being 'round

♪ Help me get my feet back on the ground

♪ Won't you please, please help me?

♪ Help me, help me

♪ Ooh ♪

- Oh, shocking. - Monstrous.

- Ahme. - The necessary preparations...

- The preparations for my departure... - Are made.

- At once, without delay. - The ring.

Over the water we must go.

- Bhuta. - You ask of me, Master?

- Obedience and Love. - This is so.

- Ahme. - This is so.

- The ring. - Has nobody looked on the washbasin?

I am making the immediate arrangements for my necessary...

- Are made. - At once.

...visit to England. - In hand.

Something must be done.

Without the ring, there will be no sacrifice,

without the sacrifice, no congregation.

Without a congregation...

...no more me.

This is so.

- Wave. - I don't like to.

- Go on, wave. - Shall I?

They expect it, don't they.

Lovely lads and so natural.

Adoration hasn't gone to their heads.

You know what I mean, success.

So natural and still the same as they was before they was.

(Rattling)

(♪ Organ music plays)

- Someone's got hold of my finger. - You trying to attract attention again?

She's pulling at it.

(Yells) Oh!

Ow!

She had my finger, you know...

Stop trying to drag things down to your own level.

I thought she was a sandwich until she went spare on my hand.

It's cold. It's a cold place.

- So, the ring? - No. I could not get it off, Swami.

Oh dear!

(Engine revs)

(Clock ticks)

(Thuds)

Hey! Have you been messing with me in my kip?

I mean, with a fishing rod.

I wouldn't touch you with a plastic one. What are you doing on the floor?

I'm tired.

(Phones ring)

- Hello? - Hello?

(Alarm clock rings)

Hey, Bea-atle!

How about this, Shufti?

Gold! All of it, pure gold.

In easy to handle denominational nuggets. Unmarked.

- Not a mark on them. - No, I hate them.

- No. - It makes your fingers go green.

It's not the Beatle with the ring.

- Aren't I? - No, unfortunately.

(Giggles)

Ah!

Hey, Bea-atle. You shall have fun, eh?

No thanks, I'm rhythm guitar and mouth organ.

I didn't encourage that wink.

- It is not the one. - My gosh.

They all look the same in their similitude and language.

Swami, it's raining on your...

After them.

- Quickly, quickly. - Yes, yes.

- Right, right. - All in.

- All in together now, sir. - Now.

- Ah! Shilling! - Shilling?

- Shilling. - Oh, shilling!

- Now! Off! - Off.

Oh... After them.

- What first attracted you to me? - Well, you're very polite.

(Electronic hum)

(Laughs)

Ha, ha!

Hope he's in.

(Indistinct chatter)

Ow!

- What are you doing? - Posting a letter.

Ow!

(Dog barks)

(♪ Both hum)

(Hand dryer whirrs)

Ow!

(Whirring stops)

I am not what I seem.

Hey! My skin's soaked right through to the skin.

There's more here than meets the eye.

- Ho, ho! - Ho!

- Ho, ho, ho! - Oh!

- Ho! - Ho, ho!

Take Five.

"You're going to lose that girl".

One, two, three...

♪ You're going to lose that girl, yes yes, you're going to lose that girl

♪ If you don't take her out tonight

♪ She's going to change her mind, she's going to change her mind

♪ And I will take her out tonight

♪ And I will treat her kind, I'm going to treat her kind

♪ You're going to lose that girl, yes yes, you're going to lose that girl

♪ If you don't treat her right my friend

♪ You're going to find her gone, you're going to find her gone

♪ Cause I will treat her right and then

♪ You'll be the lonely one, you're not the only one

♪ You're going to lose that girl, yes yes, you're going to lose that girl

♪ You're going to lose, yes yes, you're going to lose that girl

♪ I'll make a point of taking her away from you

♪ Watch what you do, yeah

♪ The way you treat her, what else can I do?

♪ You're going to lose that girl

♪ You're going to lose that girl, yes yes, you're going to lose that girl

♪ You're going to lose, yes yes, you're going to lose that girl

♪ I'll make a point of taking her away from you

♪ Watch what you do, yeah

♪ The way you treat her, what else can I do?

♪ If you don't take her out tonight

♪ She's going to change her mind, she's going to change her mind

♪ And I will take her out tonight

♪ And I will treat her kind, I'm going to treat her kind

♪ You're going to lose that girl, yes yes, you're going to lose that girl

♪ You're going to lose, yes yes, you're going to lose that girl ♪

(Indistinct chatter)

- Boys, are you buzzing? - No thanks, I've got the car.

No, listen... You'll have to do it again.

(Over speaker) '♪ I'll make a point of taking her away from you

'♪ Watch what you do, yeah

'♪ The way you treat her, what else can I do... ♪'

(Whirring)

- Is that you? - No.

- (Whirring stops) - Don't look at me.

(Crash)

It was you buzzing. You naughty boy.

(Electric saw whirrs)

(Whispers) Now for the ring!

(Muffled cries)

Ow!

Oh! Oh, that stings.

(Yells) Kaili!

Kaili!

(Ahme) Flee!

Will you explain everything when the opportunity presents itself?

- Flee! - OK.

(Gunshot)

Oh, goodness me! Sex is creeping in.

Young people see it in the bazaars, market places, temple...

No wonder they turn up their noses at a mystical impulse...

We're taking up fox hunting so young people are involved in their sacrifices.

And will understand the deep significance of blood well shed.

Of course I don't expect you to see eye to eye with me...

What? Who? Where?

Now... If you'll pardon me.

It's played out, any road? You know, rings...

- Very nice. - It's yours.

Nah! My missus wouldn't wear a ring like that. Ostentatious, that is!

- He's from the west. - Nah, east. Stepney.

- Does this ring mean anything to you? - Freemason?

- You're all English! - That's what unions are for.

I tell a lie. We have got one in there from the mystic east... Or we did have.

(Hollers) Hey, Abdul!

- Yes. - We did have one, didn't we?

That lad from the sunnier climate, east of Suez?

Very nice he was, too.

I think he's still down there, in the coal hole.

Doesn't the blood rush to your head, sir?

Doesn't the eastern flavour come expensive?

Doesn't the blood rush to your stomach?

Is this ring nasty, sir?

Argh! Kaili! Oh dear, I must lie down.

Oh! That's better.

Excuse me... This menu...

(Thump)

I've just seen the most amazing thing...

(Gasps) Oh...

Hey, did you...

There's a man down there on his head.

Arthur?

(Whooshes)

Could you pick this up for me, please?

(♪ Sitar music plays)

(♪ Music stops)

Are you eating, too, Paul?

Your friend is in mortal danger. I can say no more.

(Gasping)

(♪ Music resumes)

It's rather a jolly place.

- Soup, please. - Soup, yeah.

He has three hours to live.

- Say no more. - I can say no more.

I ordered soup too.

- Soup! - Soup.

Pardon me, sir. That's a very fascinating ring you've got there.

- Unless I'm mistaken. - Is it?

The dreaded sacred sacrificial ring of the dread Kaili.

- Say no more. - I can say no more.

Excuse me. If he is to be sacrificed before Kaili,

why is he not painted red?

I've never had the courage to ask him, but as he's my best friend I will.

- What's this? Glasses? - That's right, sir. Glasses.

A victim is offered to the dread Kaili everyday.

All are happy to go.

He who wins is privileged to wear the sacred ring

from sun to moon, from moon to sun.

And at the end of the happy day he is slaughtered jolly with a knife.

And sacrificed jolly with a knife, so I'm told, with that ring.

Three hours to live.

- (Man) You have till five o'clock. - Before a new victim is chosen.

You are lucky to be chosen!

My old mum would give her right hand to be chosen.

- What's this? - A season ticket.

I like a lot of seasoning in my soup.

There's somebody been in this soup.

I got it from this Eastern bird... lady... in a fan letter.

I get all sorts. Rubbish, though, isn't it? Sacrifice.

No? Come off!

So, get in touch with your authorities and send back the ring to this lady,

who will then go happy to Kaili.

- Thank you. - (Bhuta) Three hours.

There's a footprint in here.

Here, you have a go.

(Gasps) Flee!

(Woman screams)

We have lots of little problems like this. Some of them matrimonial.

(Laughs)

This ring is not stone.

- I've only got three hours to live. - Therefore, it must be a metal.

- I don't know this metal. - You're not getting anywhere, are you?

Early days yet, sir. Therefore it must be an alloy.

There's a certain amount of hurry up involved here. My life is in danger.

Three ten.

- The wheel. - Not the wheel.

Even the Royal House of Hanover had the wheel, sir.

(Whirring)

- I've never seen anything like it. - You've failed.

- I suggest you see a specialist. - What kind? Your tools are broken.

The fire brigade once got my head out of some railings.

- Did you want them to? - No. I left it there when not at school.

You can see a lot of the world from railings.

(Electronic beeping)

I like operations, they give you a sense of outlook.

This won't work.

It could work if the government would spend more money.

Made in America you see.

Another failure.

The idea is... The idea as I see it

is that we expand the molecules and the ring grows bigger and drops off.

- What's your electricity bill like? - It's sort of a long counterfoil.

It's not dropping off.

Voltage! Voltage... up, up...

Up, up!

- Are you sure I'm earthed? - Oh no, hold on. Thank you.

Made in America. Streets ahead of anything we've got.

This is English.

- Is it green, the earth in America? - In some places it's brown.

He's not earthed.

He's an idiot. Has a degree in woodwork. I ask you!

Done.

- 5... 4... - Come on.

3-2-1-go! I observe the procedure. He'll thank me for it in the end.

Scientist, you're getting nowhere.

It's the plugs. Good British plugs.

All this America rig. Wrong voltage. That's what foxes me.

- How do you feel? - I used to use my hands.

He used to use his hands.

- Will he still be able to drum? - Did he do a lot of it?

- Voltage... up! - I'm no mean hand at the old sticks.

The voltage, up, up, up!

- Hey, he's calling you. Up, up, up! - Up, up, up!

The bunker!

(Electronic humming)

- I can't watch. - It's working! Give it the gun, Algernon.

(Whirring)

Stop it!

It's more than my job's worth!

He's out to rule the world if he can get a government grant.

Outrageous! You're nothing but a mad scientist!

Fantastic!

With a ring like that I could, dare I say it, rule the world.

I must have the ring... Algernon, the laser.

Get your hands off him or I'll call the Metropolitan scuffers!

The laser...

- Get him off. - I must have this ring. The laser.

Halt! Release him or I'll shoot and I am a dead eyeshot shooting.

- I've got it. - Switch off that machine.

- The laser. - The laser, yes...

I'm better with animals than plugs and transistors.

MIT was after me, wanted me to rule the world for them.

Daddy being the local master of the hounds.

That's where I get it from, my love of animals.

They trust me. I should have been in vivisection.

How do you know we can trust her? She's had your fingers before, Ringo.

Well, that was a mistake. I can vouch for her. We're very close.

- Lasers ready. - Get them!

(Laser beeps)

(Bang)

It's the wrong plug... Just give me five minutes.

It's the brain drain. His brain's draining.

(♪ THE BEATLES: "You've Got to Hide Your Love Away")

♪ Here I stand with head in hand

♪ Turn my face to the wall

♪ If she's gone I can't go on

♪ Feeling two foot small

♪ Ev'rywhere people stare

♪ Each and ev'ryday

♪ I can see them laugh at me

♪ And I hear them say

♪ "Hey, you've got to hide your love away!"

♪ How can I even try?

♪ I can never win

♪ Hearing them, seeing them

♪ In the state I'm in

♪ How could she say to me

♪ "Love will find a way"?

♪ Gather 'round all you clowns

♪ Let me hear you say

♪ "Hey, you've got to hide your love away!"

♪ "Hey, you've got to hide your love away!" ♪

I have here...

(Gasps)

Now see what you've done with your filthy Eastern ways.

No! It is Clang, the High Priest, who is filthy in his ways.

(Posh accent) How do we know you're not sent by him to nick the ring,

when you've lulled us with your filthy ways?

- What filthy ways are these? - You can put that away.

Until this moment you were safe because my sister was chosen

and no other could be sacrificed to Kaili.

Now my sister is safe and rises up.

(Soft clang)

(Ahme) 'And a new day dawns, a new victim is chosen... '

From this moment it is death to him who wears the ring.

This will make your finger shrink. Be brave.

Don't look.

Alas, if he were brave this would not be necessary.

(Birds chirp)

Where've you been? You've been up that temple again.

You're as bad as your sister, coming home from work at all hours and colours.

There might be some insurance.

I wouldn't think of such a thing! Find out.

What did you say that stuff is?

This will just make his finger shrink a little. It's a minor medical secret.

I'm sure there's no call for all this.

I'm allergic to Penicillin and all them other wonder drugs.

- Gum? - Are you sure it's not or habit forming?

No. As long as you don't swallow it.

(Whispers) All right. Synchronise your watches.

You, you, you and you. Paint him red and then kill him.

Kaili.

Kaili. Kaili.

I promise you the effect is purely transitory.

It wears off very quickly.

(Doorbell rings) (Ahme) Don't answer it! It's Clang.

(Hollering and knocking)

- Perhaps it won't take... - This is a dreadful miscarriage.

(Hollering)

(Ringo) Come on, my finger!

Where's Paul?

Where's Paul? Come on, Paul, stop messing about.

Where's he gone?

- Where are you, Paul? - It's his best suit.

Don't look right or left. They might take us for innocent bystanders.

(Baby crying)

- Standby. - (Whispers) Standby.

Look out! They're coming through the door!

(Knocking)

- Go! - Go!

(Yells) Kaili!

Kaili... Oh!

- Sorry, I hit him. - Oh!

Get me the home office. He's wrecking my home.

Kaili! Kaili!

(Gasps) Get off!

- It's me, you fool. - Oh, sorry.

Well, stop it!

Feet! Feet, you fool!

(Growls)

(Sobs)

Kaili! He's red! Kill him!

(Gunshot)

Oh, my goodness gosh! Withdraw! Withdraw!

Up!

Up, up, up!

- You! - Which one has the ring?

That one with the large ned.

Neb! And it's yours.

- Keep your hands up. - How can I get it off with my hands up?

In the name of science I demand that ring.

It's yours!

- It's worth something. - A couple of bob, at least.

Had to do all this myself... Backward Britain they call us on Wall Street.

With a ring like that could I interest the military?

No, I could not.

I can't get it off.

(Squelch)

- Paul? - Look, what you've done.

- Hey, is that Paul? - Algernon, my little black bag.

I shall have to operate.

It'll be on the National Health, won't it?

- (Whooshing) - Look!

Ugh! I'm all sticky. You're all red!

- We thought that was you. - No that's not me.

I'm glad it wore off quickly.

What are you doing here?

- (Hammer clicks) - Get out!

British, you see! Useless. If I had a Luger...

Their scientists are properly equipped. Think on it.

The remedy is in your hands... you, the voters.

- Where's Ahme? - I don't know.

(Speaks in Eastern language)

(Continues speaking in Eastern language)

- Hai? - What? Yes... Hai.

(Continues speaking in Eastern language)

I don't understand a word. I don't speak the language.

Latin, yes. But this Eastern babble, no.

Ah, the ring! Come on, we go.

(♪ THE BEATLES: "Ticket To Ride")

♪ I think I'm gonna be sad

♪ I think it's today, yeh

♪ The girl that's driving me mad

♪ Is going away

♪ She's got a ticket to ride

♪ She's got a ticket to ri-hi-hide

♪ She's got a ticket to ride but she don't care

♪ She said that living with me

♪ Was bringing her down, yeh

♪ For she would never be free

♪ When I was around

♪ She's got a ticket to ride

♪ She's got a ticket to ri-hi-hide

♪ She's got a ticket to ride but she don't care

♪ I don't know why she's riding so high

♪ She ought to think twice, she ought to do right by me

♪ Before she gets to saying goodbye

♪ She ought to think twice, she ought to do right by me

♪ I think I'm gonna be sad

♪ I think it's today, yeh

♪ The girl that's driving me mad

♪ Is going away, yeh

♪ Ah, she's got a ticket to ride

♪ She's got a ticket to ri-hi-hide

♪ She's got a ticket to ride but she don't care

♪ I don't know why she's riding so high

♪ She ought to think twice, she ought to do right by me

♪ Before she gets to saying goodbye

♪ She ought to think twice, she ought to do right by me

♪ She said that living with me

♪ Was bringing her down, yeh

♪ For she would never be free

♪ When I was around

♪ She's got a ticket to ride

♪ She's got a ticket to ri-hi-hide

♪ She's got a ticket to ride but she don't care

♪ My baby don't care

♪ My baby don't care... ♪

There they are!

Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho!

Oh...

(Ringo) Wait!

The blood's rushing to my head.

Mind that post!

Put me down.

Thank you... Ouch, ouch, ouch!

Hey! Over here. Wait, wait, wait!

Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho, ho... Oh!

Ah... So!

It's too heavy!

Here you are. It's not heavy now.

- (Ringo) Send it down! - (John) Here you are, Ringo.

I've got it... No, I haven't, it's gone past!

Send this one straight.

I've got it... No, I haven't.

- Look out! - Get away!

I am easing the fuse in now.

What?

I know, you fool. I'm here. Steady.

Steady. I am steady.

Now a turn to the right and it locks.

I am turning it to the right. It is locking.

That's what comes of teaching science by TV.

You'll thank me in the end.

I am lifting it up.

(Curling stone ticks)

- I am moving my left leg... - Hurry up!

- I am moving my right leg. - Oh, give it to me!

- Call it a day. - It's curling stone day.

When the ice breaks dive straight in. It's the right hand.

(Mutters) It won't work.

Soft game... broom sticks.

Thank you.

Throw it, George.

That was good.

Great.

Hey, it's a thingy.

(Hollers) A fiendish thingy!

It was so fast, it's smoking.

Run, Ringo!

(Curling stone ticks)

(Ticking stops)

Useless... ex army rubbish. I cannot get the equipment...

(Woman screams)

Excuse me... white cliffs of Dover?

Thank you.

Bhuta, here they come, the right flank.

- Get on! - Stop here. You're in my power!

In the name of Kaili, stop! Stop!

Argh!

My blood group is very unusual. Look!

My blood group is...

This way, Swami.

(Crowd applauds)

What for? Please, no...

Please... No...

(♪ Band plays anthem)

I am very busy... please!

Perhaps if we gave away free tickets

to the youth organisation annual sacrifice,

all this could be avoided. It's a very real problem.

(Distant train whistle)

London.

Red.

Red?

They have to paint me red before they chop me.

It's a different religion from ours... I think

- So this is the famous ring, eh? - I'm in fear of my life, you know.

So this is the famous Beatles?

So this is the famous Scotland Yard?

How long do you think you'll last?

You can't say fairer than that. Great Train Robbery, how's that going?

- You don't believe us, do you? - (Phone rings)

- Chief Superintendent. - (Man) 'Ringo, please.'

- It's for you, the famous Ringo. - It's them.

- Only me and Paul know we're here. - I know.

Allow me. I'm a bit of a famous mimic. You know... James Cagney.

(Liverpool accent) Hello, this is the famous Ringo,

what is it that I can do for you?

Not a bit like Cagney.

- (Clang) 'Go to the window.' - Hey, it is them!

(Clang) 'Go to the window.'

Go to the window.

'Go to the window.'

There's a strong case for arming the police. We're not all masochists.

- Now see? - I believe you. Thousands wouldn't.

Right, let's get going. Pass me the phone, will you?

Lifeline of the service. Dial 999.

We need protection. We've got a record to do tomorrow.

- I need protection. - And you shall have it.

Get me protection.

(♪ THE BEATLES: "I Need You")

♪ You don't realise how much I need you

♪ Love you all the time and never leave you

♪ Please come on back to me

♪ I'm lonely as can be

♪ I need you

♪ Said you had a thing or two to tell me

♪ How was I to know you would upset me

♪ I didn't realise

♪ As I looked in your eyes

♪ You told me

♪ Oh yes, you told me

♪ You don't want my loving anymore

♪ That's when it hurt me

♪ And feeling like this I just can't go on anymore

♪ Please remember how I feel about you

♪ I could never really live without you

♪ So come on back and see

♪ Just what you mean to me

♪ I need you

♪ But when you told me

♪ You don't want my loving anymore

♪ That's when it hurt me

♪ And feeling like this I just can't go on anymore

♪ Please remember how I feel about you

♪ I could never really live without you

♪ So come on back and see

♪ Just what you mean to me

♪ I need you

♪ I need you ♪

Hello... Sunray to Set. Over.

(Over radio) 'Hello, Sunray. What are you doing down there? '

Sunray all set. Over.

Sit-rep please.

It is done. We are directly under. Listen...

'♪ She's a woman who understands

'♪ She's a woman who loves her man... ♪'

Ugh! Shocking!

'♪ My love don't give me presents... ♪'

Roger, Ahme. Return to the base. I will complete the task. Out.

- (Yells) Brahna! - Saheb?

Take this hastily scribbled note hastily to acting Lance Corporal Bhuta.

Off!

(Engine revs)

- It says standing by. - (Yells) Stand by!

They shall not pass...

(♪ "She's A Woman" plays on tape machine)

'♪ She don't give boys the eye

'♪ She hates to see me cry... ♪'

♪ We said our goodbyes, on the night before

♪ Love was in your eyes, on the night before

♪ Now today I find

♪ You have changed your mind

♪ Treat me like you did the night before

♪ Were you telling lies, on the night before?

♪ Was I so unwise, on the night before?

♪ When I held you near

♪ You were so sincere

♪ Treat me like you did the night before

♪ Last night is a night I will remember you by

♪ When I think of things we did it makes me wanna cry

♪ We said our goodbyes, on the night before

♪ Love was in your eyes, on the night before

♪ Now today I find

♪ You have changed your mind

♪ Treat me like you did the night before

♪ Yes... ♪

'♪ She's a woman who understands

'♪ She's a woman who loves her man

'♪ My love don't give me presents

'♪ I know that she's no peasant... ♪

(Engine revs)

♪ Last night is a night I will remember you by

♪ When I think of things we did it makes me wanna cry

♪ Were you telling lies, on the night before?

♪ Was I so unwise, on the night before?

♪ When I held you near

♪ You were so sincere

♪ Treat me like you did the night before

♪ Yes...

♪ When I held you near

♪ You were so sincere

♪ Treat me like you did the night before

♪ Like the night before ♪

- Hey! - We're being attacked!

(Gunfire)

(Man yells) Retreat! Retreat!

Come on! We're being fired at! Get out of here!

Come on! Retreat!

Run!

Quick! Faster!

Hey, mind the tank!

Get up, Johnny!

- Stop! - Johnny! Walk for me. You can do it!

In here! Quickly! Quick!

- Fire! - (Yells) Fire!

Fire!

- Left! Steady on. 1-500. - 1-500.

I regret losing a lieutenant as able as Ahme

but she was told the price of capture.

- Enemy tank moving from left to right. - Loaded.

- Well, fire the nasty thing. - Firing now, Saheb.

Missed! You naughty boys.

Turn us right.

Fire!

(♪ "1812 Overture" plays)

(Cheering)

There must be somewhere in England where one can find sanctuary to think.

How's your equilibrium, Ringo?

How's yours? You're light again, George.

- How do you know it's not you. - Cos I never am, am I Paul?

Here, cop this, one hand!

- (John) Ugly, though. - The hands?

- Some people's are. - Show us your hand, Ringo.

- You want to chuck one in? - Get on!

- How about drumming, though? - It won't affect it.

I don't know many...

It appears I need one card. I'm chucking one in.

Very light-hearted.

- Discarding it. - Like an old boot.

They're talking about your finger, you know.

One card. Dealer takes one.

See, that didn't hurt.

- Will you hold this drumstick? - Manchester has a good drummer.

Well, I don't just drum with it, do I?

- What else then? - I use it, you know.

Quite a good-looking fellow, too. I'll raise you.

You haven't used that finger in the past hour and we're in danger.

Me and Paul haven't seen you use of that finger, have we?

- No. - And again.

We're risking our lives to preserve a useless member.

That bloke with Scott,

I've always admired the way he went into the snow for his mates.

- And again. - You're joking!

Just hold this drumstick.

You've raised it a little bundle on the quiet.

- It's like having a tooth out. - I've got a good hand.

You only lay out money is when you've got five aces.

- Do you want to see me? - You're joking... take it.

I will see... I've won it.

- Cut. - No!

I think tea, don't you? Tea.

They expect me to cut my finger off.

The famous finger, eh?

So the police are extended giving the famous protection,

for which we are justly proud in this country, for a finger, eh?

What's that... It's haunted, you know.

- Are you going to cut? - No, I'm not and let that be an end to it.

End to it!

This wing of the palace is haunted.

We won't leave this palace alive.

The Queen will have something to say about that.

- What's that? - I beg your pardon?

- That thing coming through his stomach. - I daren't look!

It's only a hose.

(Whistle blows softly)

- It's for you. - It's the gardener.

I'll stick it out the window.

(Marching feet)

(Man) Eyes left.

(Gas hisses)

(Man) Eyes front!

Must be their tea break.

Hands up!

Hands up! Quick!

Come on, lets have you.

Steady!

There goes my knighthood. You, left hand...

Lets have that ring.

(Gunshots)

It's me, you fool.

- Quick! Quick! - Let's catch him!

This should work, it's from Harvard.

- It looks like a laser. - It's a relativity cadenza.

That should slow them down a bit.

There, point it down the hall. Quickly!

Hurry up with the plug, I'll align the sights... Yes!

Right, good.

I think it is a laser.

Oh!

(Sighs) Oh...

(Relativity cadenza whooshes)

A royal fuse has just blown.

(Cadenza stops)

- It is a rela... teva... camenza... - Bad machine!

(Cadenza starts)

Hair dryer, I'll bet she had one for Christmas.

(♪ Whistling)

We are going for a friendly walk with the police down by the river.

Ooh, look at that.

- It's a band. - (♪ Bagpipe music plays)

Paint! Paint!

(Yells) Come on, quickly! Get them, men. I'm with you.

After them! After them! Quick!

Look.

Oh, lovely pub.

Two lagers and lime and two lagers and lime, please.

- Looks like it's me again. - Everything's relative, you know.

- Well, you didn't miss your tonsils. - How do you know?

Why don't you chop it off, Ringo?

Look John, I've had some great times with this finger.

How do you know I wouldn't miss it?

You're a rat underneath.

You can have a fire and theft policy. Five quid a week.

It's because you're a Beatle that your fingers wasn't on it.

- Is there a cure for nail biting? - (Paul) Oh, yes.

Oh, yes!

I'm always getting winked at these days. It used to be you, Paul.

Oh, Sorry Ringo.

Peep boo!

All the rungs have been neatly sawn in the middle.

Ah, the window!

(Roaring)

- Your famous Ringo is safe. - No, he isn't.

What? Cover all exits. Sharp lookout.

(Roaring)

(Bottle clinks)

- Don't move. - You heard what she said.

Do you know Beethoven's 9th symphony?

It goes like this...

(♪ Whistles "Ode To Joy")

(Tiger roars)

- What? - This trap door.

Oh, here you are...

Permit me.

It's Raja, the famous Bengal man-eater who escaped from the zoo this morning.

- So it is! - Don't worry, he's harmless.

All you have to do is sing Beethoven's Ode to Joy from the 9th symphony.

- Why didn't you think of that? - Raja was reared on the classics.

(John) Don't worry, just whistle famous Beethoven's famous 9th symphony.

Come on! Come on!

(♪ Sings "Ode To Joy" in German)

(♪ Everybody sings)

(♪ Chorus sings "Ode To Joy")

(Cheering)

Beep, beep!

Psst!

- (Ringo) Who let it out? - Nobody will know.

We're not going there.

- We just put it round we're going there. - We're not going there.

- We just put it round. - So everyone thinks we're going there?

- I'd like to go there. - You wouldn't like it.

- Where are we going? - Never you mind.

(Cameras click)

- You're welcome. - Goodbye, sir.

Him!

- Welcome to Nassau. - Thank you very much.

I'd like to present PC 17...

- PC 6... - Very smart.

- PC 47... - Uh-huh.

- PC 6 of 3... - Oh.

- PC 9... - Hmm.

- PC 85... - Mmm.

- PC 4... - Yes.

PC 21, PC 85...

You should have thought of that before you left the house.

Left... To shore... Port, starboard!

♪ For I have got another girl

♪ Another girl

♪ You're making me say that I've got nobody but you

♪ But as from today, well I've got somebody that's new

♪ I ain't no fool and I don't take what I don't want

♪ For I have got another girl

♪ Another girl

♪ She's sweeter than all the girls and I met quite a few

♪ Nobody in all the world can do what she can do

♪ And so I'm telling you this time you'd better stop

♪ For I have got another girl

♪ Another girl who will love me till the end

♪ Through thick and thin she will always be my friend

♪ I don't wanna say that I've been unhappy with you

♪ But as from today, well I've seen somebody that's new

♪ I ain't no fool and I don't take what I don't want

♪ For I have got another girl

♪ Another girl who will love me till the end

♪ Through thick and thin she will always be my friend

♪ I don't wanna say that I've been unhappy with you

♪ But as from today, well I've seen somebody that's new

♪ I ain't no fool and I don't take what I don't want

♪ For I have got another girl

♪ Another girl, another girl ♪

- Let's play a game, eh? Beep-beeps. - OK.

Beep-beep, beep-beep!

(Hollering)

Oh, oh, oh!

Radar's broken! Never mind.

(Hollers) Beatles! Hello!

Port... Starboard... Over there!

Oh, oh, oh!

Ah! A-ha, a-ha, a-ha!

Open that rock!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Is that it? - Better watch your fingers, Ringo!

Clang had the whole temple transported here for your sacrifice.

He needn't have bothered. Very nice of him, though.

- What's this? - This is where you'll be disembowelled.

You don't go for all that, do you?

Keeps you busy, eh?

- Do you know where Clang is? - I'm his mother and he's a good boy.

(Hollering)

I don't want to knock anyone's religion, but...

- In here, quick. - (Ringo) I can't swim.

I'm not going!

Where have they gone?

- Let's go back and get them! - I'm game.

- Let's smash them! - Let's find that temple.

- A man's got to do what he's got to do. - I don't like running away.

- Let's go back and get them. - They'll disembowel us.

- Not if I get the boot in first. - Let's go back and get them.

They won't disembowel us, you see. That's all gab - disembowelling...

- Signpost. - Signpost.

- Guide book. - Guide book.

- Feet. - Feet? Oh, feet!

Red light.

Kaili!

- Green light, go! - (Yells) Kaili!

The things we have to do in these heathen countries.

There must be an easier way to set a trap!

- Easterner speaks with forked tongue. - What does he say?

Passing this way with hot foot to the temple.

Don't encourage him! You've got the part, Paul.

- Dare we ask how you know? - How! I saw those footprints...

And this guidebook.

- To the temple. - (Whistles)

After them... slowly!

- That's not it, is it? - It's on the map as being here.

That temple under the rock, that swimming pool that we came up in...

- I'm lost! - This isn't a temple, is it?

- So this is a famous temple? - Should be. It's gone.

I hope that disembowelling thingy has gone, too.

- Was there ever a temple here? - Never, sir.

Old army place. Well-known place of retreat for courting couples

who like the echoes of bugles as they court.

That's my theory.

Ugh!

- Aren't we going in? - No, let's not.

Oh, come on lads, where's that famous pluck?

- I haven't got any. Have you, George? - Did have.

- I have had. - I will have.

He's a bit soft that Inspector, isn't he?

He never takes his hat off.

It's very hot over here for wearing a hat.

- I'm off. - Typical!

(Yells) Kaili!

Argh!

- Kaili! - Kaili!

(Electric buzz)

The fiends! They've electrified the wire with high tension. HT.

The fiends!

(Hollers) Help me!

Help!

He's mine!

Help!

Help me!

There's one on the back, but it's not the right one.

Come here, boy! Let me explain.

This is no time for foolish tricks! This is a hired car.

Back up and smash him off.

(Algernon) Now, this will get him!

Oh! Never mind. Try again.

This should give him a headache.

Where's he gone?

- That's done it, he's gone. - I can't start the car.

- (Engine splutters) - Hello.

Oh, hello! Hang on a minute...

On, on!

I seem to be having a slight difficulty.

To the right! Oh...

- I think it might be the wrong key. - On!

On!

(Engine starts)

(Algernon) Got it. Didn't take long, did it?

Thanks for the lift, sailor!

- Where did the thugs go? - They've vanished.

- He's got a plan. - A very famous plan.

Superintendent, you've got a plan.

- Yes... - Superintendent.

I've got a plan.

(Hollers) Ringo!

Ringo!

- Ringo! - Ringo!

Ringo!

(Dogs bark)

Ringo!

All right, talk!

We know he's a prisoner, but where?

- I'm a perfect surgeon. - Huh?

- I'm a perfect surgeon. - He was asked to take it up.

Alas... Scalpel.

Sca...

Sand in the generator.

It gets everywhere. No wonder I never get anything done.

Fix it, Algernon.

You wouldn't want me to go in with a blunt scalpel.

Fix it!

I'm a decent employer, but he takes advantage of me.

- It's the heat, it makes him stroppy. - Luckily.

I've got some juice.

(Ringo) I can't understand it. They kept pulling my nose. Mine of all noses!

- What's that? - Distilled from the essence of orchids.

Hands up!

- What's that? - Distilled from the essence...

Not distilled from the essence of orchids found only in certain recesses?

At last! I'll have my just reward. Give it to me! Sir Tiberius Foot Juice!

- But the ring... - Who needs it now that I have this.

- Do you know what this is? - A Webley automatic...

It's Nobel Prize juice. Set sail for home, for England! A jewel set in the sea!

The government in the palm of my hand. What's it say?

- You're going on a sea voyage... - No, this!

- (Algernon) I don't know. - Haven't you a degree in Eastern?

- (Algernon) I don't think so. - Let's get it translated.

- Now! - Right!

- I can't swim. - What do you mean you can't swim?

(Clang) Treacherous Woman, tremble...

In the name of Preverti, daughter of the mountains,

whose embrace with Rani made the whole world tremble.

- Wait till my mates get you. - I don't think so...

We've had two battalions flown in specially to ambush your friends.

They're quite merciless.

One word of warning from you and you die instantly.

Oh, mother Kaili,

whose name is the Terrible...

I'm going to miss the sacrifice.

(Clang)... whose name is the Inaccessible,

whose name is the Black Mother, mother of darkness!

We turn our hearts to...

(Ringo) No!

(Clang)... drinker of blood...

- It's off! I'm saved! ...killer of demons,

drink of this vessel, gorge on this blood, our offering...

Get sacrificed! I don't subscribe to your religion!

- There he is! - It just came off!

(Yells) Quickly! After them!

I'm going to miss the sacrifice.

- It came off! I just showed courage. - How many fingers you got left?

- You're all red again. - I'm beginning to like it.

Ah... So! Ha!

He who wears the ring...

♪ Help! I need somebody

♪ Help! Not just anybody

♪ Help! You know I need someone

♪ Help!

♪ When I was younger, so much younger than today

♪ I never needed anybody's help in any way

♪ But now these days are gone I'm not so self assured

♪ Now I find I've changed my mind, I've opened up the doors

♪ Help me if you can I'm feeling down

♪ And I do appreciate you being 'round

♪ Help me get my feet back on the ground

♪ Won't you please, please help me?

♪ And now my life has changed in oh so many ways

♪ My independence seems to vanish in the haze

♪ But ev'ry now and then I feel so insecure

♪ I know that I just need you like I've never done before

♪ Help me if you can I'm feeling down

♪ And I do appreciate you being 'round

♪ Help me get my feet back on the ground

♪ Won't you please, please help me?

♪ When I was younger, so much younger than today

♪ I never needed anybody's help in any way

♪ But now these days are gone I'm not so self assured

♪ Now I find I've changed my mind, I've opened up the doors

♪ Help me if you can I'm feeling down

♪ And I do appreciate you being 'round

♪ Help me get my feet back on the ground

♪ Won't you please, please help me?

♪ Help me, help me

♪ Ooh ♪

(♪ Overture from "The Barber of Seville")

(♪ Hums tune)

(♪ Whistles tune)

(Paul) "'I Need You", by George Harrison.'

(Laughter)

(♪ Whistling)

(John) 'There you are. That's me! '

(Wailing)