Original subtitles

2 [AUDIO LOGO]

4

6

HARLEY FLANAGAN (VOICEOVER): I feel like I've

been angry for almost 50 years.

I'm only starting to now realize that this is not really

who I am.

12 I'm responding to this situation in this way

because I'm still stuck in that place.

15 [STIRRING MUSIC]

17

Come on, dude.

Come on.

BOTH: You can't let your circumstances

define who you are.

Because only death is certain.

Everything-- everything else is optional.

[WHISTLING]

26 MAN: [LAUGHS] I guess it's like the comic, right?

Yeah, that's what-- you said that thing [INAUDIBLE]

[CHATTER CONTINUES]

30 HARLEY FLANAGAN (VOICEOVER): Just another day at the office,

you know.

It's like you go and you work.

But at the same time, a lot of the old songs

are really about violent time in my life.

36 Performance itself, you know, sometimes, it takes me to places

that I really don't wanna go.

[CROWD SCREAMING]

You motherfuckers ready?

CROWD: Yeah!

[HARD ROCK PLAYING]

43 (SINGING) You can't let circumstances

Define who you are

Cause only death is certain

Everything else is optional

Your happiness depends on

No one else but you

Cause no one else can live your life

Or fill your grave but you

Here's this wild story with lots of violence and creativity

and confusion and chaos.

54 Harley is like the real deal.

And I'm not saying that just because he's my little brother

and we came up together in this rock shit.

He was just like, in your face.

IAN MACKAYE: There's, like, people

who the punk scene didn't shape them,

they shaped the punk scene.

I would put him in that category.

63 Harley's music is still raw as fuck.

His musicianship is just off the charts.

His stories will kill your lawn

and peel the paint off your car.

He's seen a whole lot of life, and he's

lucky to have come through the other side.

(SINGING) You must lift your body up and down

71

HARLEY FLANAGAN: Actually, nothing's

really changed in the way I write music since I started.

The ideas, they just come to me, you know,

and then I try to figure them out.

77

LAURA LEE FLANAGAN: Harley, he has a lot of baggage

and a lot of history that he's trying to work out in his life.

I got a lot of stuff, but I feel like I got nothing.

I got like a little handbag compared to what he has.

He's got trunks.

84 Now, mind you, she's cleaning them

because it's driving her crazy.

Not me.

LAURA LEE FLANAGAN: I can't stand it anymore.

89 His life story and the way he was raised,

he's working out the absence of his own childhood.

92 HARLEY FLANAGAN (VOICEOVER): I was wired for chaos

before I knew anything.

[WHIMSICAL MUSIC]

I was the baby in the room, on the dirty mattress

on the floor while the adults were freaking out--

[WATER SPLASHES]

- because this one OD'd, and--

100 TEX FLANAGAN: You know, only one time

when you-- when you was a kid that I really, really

feel close to you.

And that was one night when I come home,

and there was nobody there.

The dope fiend I left taking care of you

was nodded off in the kitchen.

Your mama was going out dancing somewhere,

and I was out hustling dope.

And I come home, you was laying in your bed,

and you was all wet, and you was crying,

and I felt so sorry for you.

I changed the bed clothes, and I laid down,

and I held you in my arms till you went to sleep.

And then I laid there, and I thought bad, bad

about your mama.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

118

HARLEY FLANAGAN: She left my dad after the final ass-whipping

that she got.

I never saw him again.

123 I was the baby that was there on the side

of the road with my mother hitchhiking with no fucking

money in her pocket.

LUCY SANTE: I got to be very close to Harley's mom, Rosebud,

and I knew about her life running away from home

as a teenager and moving into the Kerista Commune, which

was the free love commune in those days,

and being pulled out of there by Allen Ginsberg,

the great American poet.

They all lived on the Lower East Side,

probably like 1965, something like that.

[ROCK MUSIC]

136

The beats and the Warhol Factory crowd and the painters,

they all knew one another.

140 Rose was making the scene, and she was very beautiful.

And that was the criterion for having a screen test done

is, if you weren't famous, then you

were somebody who hung around.

[RHYTHMIC MUSIC]

146 HARLEY FLANAGAN: But I'm telling you

that I knew what sex was before I knew the fucking alphabet

or the months of the year.

I'm not motherfucking kidding you, bro.

I wish I was.

[POUNDING BEAT]

153 I remember, like, going to my mom's job

when she was stripping.

156 I remember watching motherfuckers sticking money

down her fucking, you know.

159

I mean, I remember hitchhiking with my mother,

and this guy, this truck driver tried to rape my mom.

And, you know, when you're, like, attacking a grown man

with, like, everything you have to get them

off your mom in a fucking--

in the side of a fucking road on the highway,

that shit doesn't go away.

168 You know, I think my mom was kind of just going

from one situation to the next.

171 I started out on the Lower East Side, and then I--

almost by happenstance, wound up in Denmark.

[SOFT GUITAR MUSIC]

175 My mom went there with basically a boyfriend of hers.

He was a dope dealer.

178 We were there for I don't know how long before things

went south with them, and she met my stepfather, Karsten.

He was, like, one of the best influences

that I've had in my life.

I owe a lot to that man.

I love him as if he really was my father.

185 My stepdad was a longshoreman, you know.

He wasn't a drug addict.

We still did, like, crazy hippie shit,

drove to Morocco in this little minivan.

It was super cool, fun.

But at the end of the day, he came back, and he worked.

192 He loved me like his son.

He was one of the only people I can remember actually

sitting there and try and do, like, homework with me,

telling me like, but you're gonna need to know this stuff.

And I'm like, why do I need to know this stuff?

I'm gonna be a musician.

And he'd be like, but you still have to know math.

[POUNDING BEAT]

My mom had it in her head that I was

gonna be an artist or a musician before I knew I was gonna be.

I was playing in the school band,

and we did a lot of performances and stuff,

but she turned me on to the Sex Pistols.

That was it.

[ROCK MUSIC]

My hair came off.

I was a punk rocker.

210 I was playing with my first band, Little Big Boss.

That's kind of where I first cut my teeth like playing in clubs.

My mom just let me go.

Like, yeah, OK.

You know, go play your shows and come back, you know.

216 I was around 12 years old when we finally moved back

to New York for good.

219 The blackout, and the garbage strike, and the Son of Sam,

it was all still fresh in the air.

222 It was a very difficult transition for me.

I had a weird accent.

225 And I was into punk rock.

I was fucked with in school and on the street

and by all the kids on my block.

[ECHOING CHILDREN CHATTER]

230 I'm just like living in this really crazy Lord of the Flies

ghetto shit show.

[CHUCKLES]

NEFERTITI JONES: I went to school with Harley.

He was like a really sweet kid.

He was funny.

He wanted attention.

He wanted a lot of attention.

I was different than Harley in the sense I wanted

to pretend my life was normal.

We had these really brilliant parents that

somehow were so irresponsible.

Like they just dropped us in the middle of hell

and expected us to kinda just raise ourselves.

245 HARLEY FLANAGAN: It was kind of like the way

the South Bronx looked, a lot of slum lords

were burning shit down.

Just drug addicts, drug dealers and fucking lunatics.

I love when they're, like, nodding off

and they almost hit the ground.

Or they had the oozing pus from their arms.

That was just such a welcome view every morning

on my way to school.

255 I love this motherfucker right here.

I had my first cup of coffee in five days, so forgive me.

I've never had a cup of coffee in my life.

Never.

[SWOOSH] That's why you're so calm.

Is that why?

It must be.

My wife goes crazy if she doesn't get that shit.

So--

She drinks that fucking Bustelo, too.

Nah, she drinks the white people shit.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: Anyway, so, look, I

grew up on the Lower East Side.

I hated growing up down there.

I was just getting fucked with and bullied,

and I deal with being prey.

Like, am I getting my ass kicked on my way to school today?

I have to cross the street here so I don't encounter this, that,

or the other, da da da.

There was a definite pecking order,

and obviously, the Puerto Ricans definitely ran shit.

277 They called Puerto Ricans the Germans.

They used to call them the Gestapo

because they had shit on lockdown.

[RHYTHMIC MUSIC]

282 You would have probably got your ass kicked on my block,

too, for being a Black motherfucker.

Because it was just-- racism was just normal.

Like, yeah, I appear very white.

Everybody perceives me as white.

I perceived myself as white.

But the fact is is my grandfather is from DR.

Right.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: You know, I grew up

getting really abused like a motherfucker

for being this white kid without anybody--

without myself even really understanding or embracing

my Dominican blood.

[RHYTHMIC MUSIC]

297 The gang on my block, they'd all be sitting on the stoop

across from my building, you know, smoking dust,

listening to their radios.

301 Their kids sisters used to, like, follow me, spitting at me,

fucking with me, talking shit to me, you know.

Meanwhile, the whole time, their brothers,

who were like straight gangbangers,

were just, like, sitting there laughing, waiting for me

to do something bad so that they could, like,

stomp me into the ground.

309 One of the first times I got high on anything

was because the gang on my block forced

me to huff glue with them, or they were gonna kick my ass.

They, like, held a bag over my face,

and they were like, keep breathing until you

can't breathe anymore.

316

Well, you know what?

I couldn't understand a lot of the work

because it was so different for me that I kinda--

I kinda gave up.

322

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

325

(SINGING) In your life he said do you ever see light

MAN: Harley, you're by far the youngest member

of the band, about half--

Not by that far.

Definitely yes, yes.

Yes, I am.

MAN: How on earth are you playing

in a band at the age of 13?

Because I'm so great.

WOMAN: He's got connections.

Now, um--

[LAUGHS]

- because I'm a good drummer, I guess.

I'm also-- I'm related to Denise.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

342 DENISE MERCEDES: He's my nephew.

344 I started playing in the very late '60s.

I think Rose had a guitar in the house

and started to teach myself guitar chord.

And then punk changed my perception

of what rock and roll could be and, in my life, should be.

[ROCK MUSIC]

We were punks, and we were on the punk scene.

We lived punk, we loved punk, and that's what we were.

So when I started with the Stimulators,

I started writing some songs, fast songs,

putting this band together.

Harley was also attending rehearsals

and was learning the songs.

He already was a musician.

We were going to a gig in Philly.

We're getting ready to leave.

Our drummer, Blitz, where the fuck is this guy?

Can't find him anywhere.

It's like, OK, Harley, guess what?

You're the drummer.

[ROCK MUSIC]

366 KEITH MORRIS: I remember them having a female guitar

player, which was totally cool.

But the most impressive part about the Stimulators was

the fact that they had this, like,

little 11-year-old kid playing drums.

That's fucking happening.

Yeah.

(SINGING) I said go, please go

Oh, god, can't you see

Let me tell you about when I first met Harley, all right?

I said, who the fuck is this little kid

up there on the drums?

[CHUCKLES]

This guy had written on the back of his jacket, "loud,

fast rules."

And we just picked up on it.

We thought it was a real cool sentence.

A nice slogan.

When we were rehearsing one day,

and I started playing really fast on the drums,

and then Denise started playing, And then, um-- then we said, oh,

wow, this could be loud, fast rules!

And the words fit the music, you know.

[CHUCKLES]

Loud, fast rules.

It was not only who we were, it was what everybody wanted to be.

It became the battle cry of the entire New York punk movement.

[ROCK MUSIC]

395 ROGER MIRET: Their sound was amazing.

Their attitude was just perfect.

And little Harley back there just playing drums.

It was just mind-blowing.

It was like, if you put on a blender, right,

and you threw a bunch of rocks in there, that's what it was.

It was like all this shit just coming at you,

smacking you in the face.

I wanted to be Harley Flanagan.

KATE SHELLENBACH: I think the first time

I saw the Stimulators was at this place

called the Chew and Sip Deli.

Harley was playing the drums, and he was

like so stylish and so cute.

The spiky hair, and it's like Sid Vicious

chain around his neck.

He would just like, get up off the seat.

He would play so hard, and because the drums were so big,

or the cymbals were up so high, and just having

such a good time.

416 I think, you know, a lot of us just decided to start bands

right then and there.

419 When Beastie Boys first started writing songs,

and we were kind of just making fun or just copying other bands,

definitely Stimulators was, like,

had the formula that you could write a great punk song,

and it was, like, fast.

And then it would, like, quiet down and just

be like a skank part where everybody could just, you know,

do this.

And then-- then a sing-along chorus.

(SINGING) [INAUDIBLE] like a dead party

[INAUDIBLE] like you would never know

Things really exploded because everybody had to see the kid.

They were in love with him.

And that was very courageous for somebody 11 or 12 years old.

It's a tremendous responsibility.

[PUNK ROCK MUSIC]

436 We traveled, we went to the Carolinas,

people lost their fucking minds.

We were thanked for bringing punk rock to the south.

We played with the best and the brightest of everybody.

We played with Madness, The Cramps, the Bad Brains.

[PUNK ROCK MUSIC]

443 [DRUM BEATING]

DARRYL JENIFER: Check it out.

446 (SINGING) This is my new gig.

Check it out.

So I got these files.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: The first time I saw you guys play, it was,

like, confusing.

I was like, oh, my-- like, what just happened?

It was like-- the first note, and then it

was just like an explosion.

My body didn't even know how to react to it.

I was just like, oh, shit!

Like-- Growing up, he were like the big brother

that you wished you had.

DARRYL JENIFER: He would get on my nerves.

And, you know, Harley's a rascal.

Like he would try to take my hat off or some shit,

you know, in a soundcheck where I'm trying to be cool or what--

I'm Rastaman, or whatever.

We stayed up in their house.

I was at his grandmother's house when he was a little kid.

First thing he would do when he'd see me

would be, like, grab me and throw me down

and get me in a headlock and start fucking me up.

And, you know, even at my grandparents' house,

we had these motherfuckers over for Christmas.

And, you know, my grandfather was

a musician, and so he was very impressed with these guys.

And--

I remember your grandpa.

Yeah, man.

And I'm in the back room.

I remember this shit like it was yesterday.

I spent like an hour setting up this war, had all my soldiers

on everything.

I'm a little kid, right?

So I've got my fucking shit all set up.

Darryl walks in behind me and goes--

[LAUGHS]

- and then came a bomb--

boom!

And hit the fucking table, and everything's like, bram!

Motherfucker!

Fuck, Darryl!

Oh, man.

But just like, you know, I think back to that,

and it just fucking warms my heart.

[MELANCHOLIC MUSIC]

The brotherly love that I got from this dude

was so meaningful at a time when--

when my life was actually really kind of rough and difficult.

LUCY SANTE: I moved in across the hall from them.

They were all jammed into an apartment

that was smaller than mine.

I met him when he was 12.

He was like the Artful Dodger or something.

There was just that kind of energy about him.

He was on the loose.

I think he spent a lot of his nights

away from home, even at that young age.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

507 HARLEY FLANAGAN: By night, I was going to clubs

and hanging out with mostly adults and mostly people

who were, like, considered iconic, cool, legendary

musicians and whatever, and this and that.

512 MARIA RESNICK: I documented the whole punk scene.

I took pictures of people backstage.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

516 The Clash concert at the Palladium,

it was the first time they ever played in New York.

And I went backstage, and I saw Andy Warhol

talking to Joe Strummer, and I took the picture.

In those days, you couldn't see the photograph

that you took until after you developed it in a darkroom.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

524 It was the kind of photo that I was always opting for.

It had a surprise in it.

It was not like any other person's photo of Andy Warhol

and Joe Strummer, for sure.

I didn't really realize Harley was in the frame.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

531 The gigs he got to see, the people he got to meet--

crazy!

[SOMBER MUSIC]

535 Like probably by 13, he had seen a whole lot of stuff

that maybe someone of that age can do without.

538 The first time I took LSD was with Adam Yauch from the Beastie

Boys.

And we wound up going to see Clockwork Orange.

542 And it was just a really fucking weird, weird night.

I was probably, like, 13.

I only ate, like, a half a hit.

Just give him a half a hit 'cause he's a kid.

547 ANTHONY BOURDAIN: I know you from The Stimulators.

That-- that blew my mind when you told me that you saw us

play.

ANTHONY BOURDAIN: I remembered, you know,

standing out front of Max's Kansas City in, like, 1980--

and try to get in, and, you know,

and, who's this fucking 13-year-old kid who's just

walking through walls, getting served?

How come he gets to--

what-- what-- how have the laws of the universe changed

that allow this kid to move in a grown-up world?

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

(SINGING) You pack it in today

[DISTURBING MUSIC]

562 HARLEY FLANAGAN: Everybody's, like,

getting totally fucked up, and people are getting blowjobs,

and fucking, shooting up, and doing all kinds of fucking

craziness all over the place.

And-- and then there's this little kid walking around,

like, bumming quarters for the pinball machine.

[DISTURBING MUSIC]

570 HARLEY FLANAGAN: I was molested as a kid many times.

Mostly by females.

So, you know, you somehow convince yourself

that that's OK--

when you're 13, and they're 19 or 20 or whatever--

eh.

577 Me and my friends used to cut school,

and there was this one weed dealer in the neighborhood,

like older dude.

He had a big-ass fucking dog, scary-ass Great Dane.

He had guns and made sure we knew he had guns.

We'd go to his house, smoke weed, get drunk.

And one day, he invited me over, and I was by myself.

585 I don't know if I got drugged or what the fuck, but like,

next thing, I'm in this motherfucker's bedroom,

and he's on my back, my little 13-year-old ass back.

I just remember, like, tensing up.

My whole body was closing my ass, basically.

This fucking scumbag blew his load on my back.

592 All of a sudden, I realized I was just a helpless--

you know, there ain't nothing you can do.

595 I buried that shit so hard, so deep.

597 And that pushed me, really, to the dark, dark place.

[WATER GUSHING]

600

LAURA LEE FLANAGAN: His mother quite candidly

said, parents get in the way.

Kids-- kids are intuitive.

They can do it on their own.

They don't need us to tell them what to do.

They can figure it out better than we can.

We get in the way of them.

609 Incredible philosophy.

MAN: There was a different time.

It was a stupid time.

It was dumb.

It's not smart.

615 There's a reason why animals survive in the wild and why they

don't.

That's the stuff of parenting.

If you don't have that, you die.

Or you're so lucky that you squeak through

because you happen to be a very talented musician.

And that helps lead you a little ways down the path to survival.

623 [ROCK MUSIC]

625

627 DENISE MERCEDES: We got over to Northern Ireland

to play Belfast's first ever punk new wave festival.

630 Northern Ireland, they've been fighting

a civil war for 400 years.

DENISE MERCEDES: What they call the troubles

between the Catholics and the Protestants--

[INDISTINCT SCREAMING]

636 - it was punk rock that was bridging

all of this negative energy with the young people.

INTERVIEWER: What about coming from New York to Belfast?

Were you still nervous about coming here?

From what I heard, I thought it

would be like people shooting each other all over the place,

but it's really nice.

I like it here a lot.

And in New York, if you ask somebody what the time is,

they'll mug you.

INTERVIEWER: What about the other kids at school, Harley?

What do they think about you being away playing with a band?

They hate me.

Mostly because I'm white, not because I'm playing in a band.

See, it's all-- it's all these Puerto Rican

kids that don't like me.

[ROCK MUSIC]

654 I remember we did a show at Ulster Hall.

There must have been well over a hundred people fighting,

and I had never seen anything like that.

Like, we were on stage when the riot started.

These dudes didn't give a fuck, man, you know.

And you wound up with cops just pouring into the place,

and it just--

it was insane.

663 In New York, I was used to seeing

punk rockers getting beat up.

Here, I was seeing all these punks and skinheads fighting--

fighting with the cops.

These cops are fucking machine guns over here.

They're not even like regular cops.

I was so used to seeing white kids at the bottom of the food

chain in the streets, you know.

And I was like, whoa, like, these dudes are not,

like, they're not taking no shit.

And I was like, wow, this is fucking awesome.

And I identified with that, and in particular, the skinheads.

676 You know, they shaved my head, and they told me,

go back to America and teach them about skinheads.

And I did.

680 GLEN FRIEDMAN: When Harley came back and he had a shaved head,

he was like a tough guy, you know.

Skinheads at that time to us were still not

the violent national front, you know.

[DRUM BEATS]

MAN: What's the scar, boy?

Skinhead.

GLEN FRIEDMAN: Scar people, the mod scene and stuff like that,

and-- and the fashion had a lot to do with it back then.

It was a way to separate yourself.

But I think that was the beginning when we kinda saw

Harley taking a different turn.

[PUNK ROCK MUSIC]

694 Punk rock was nice.

You know, people don't remember that.

It was fucking fun.

People didn't get into it to beat people up.

[PUNK ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES]

700

They're cut.

Harley-- Harley's come up with a new haircut

since he came back from Ireland.

705 HARLEY FLANAGAN: For me, it wasn't about the-- the look.

It wasn't about the haircut and the style.

It wasn't even about the music, the skinhead music.

Because that shit was just punk rock, you know.

It was this punk rock with short hair.

To me, being a skinhead was all about not taking any shit.

Plus, back then, people forget, like, punk rockers was

in general were a target because in, you

know, America, that was what you would

hear walking down the street.

Punk rock, suck cock!

Yeah.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Yeah, you know?

And it was just like, you'd be, like, oh, man, you know,

here we go.

And I don't-- you know what I'm saying?

So it's like-- so I really had to, like, earn my stripes,

and so I became problematic.

[PUNK ROCK MUSIC]

726 I was just hitting my teens and really

inspired by bands that the Stimulators had

been playing with--

(SINGING) When nobody turned out to be clean

- the Bad Brains, the Circle Jerks.

[PUNK ROCK MUSIC]

733

The Stimulators played with you guys at Irving Plaza.

That was a fucking game-changing gig.

That tour was amazing.

It was like the-- the first show we played was with you guys.

When I heard that stuff, I was like--

it was like the energy was like-- it was like this--

like I was so young and full of fucking Coca-Cola.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

- and just energy, and like, 13-year-old fucking I'm out

of my mind that that's--

it's speed and the quickness and that it was that that-- so I

had to do something new.

I hate to say it, but that was the end

of the Stimulators for me.

Because I was like--

750 I'm off to the future.

[ROCK MUSIC]

753 DENISE MERCEDES: He put in his years.

He wants to move on.

God bless him.

He already had like 10 songs.

And not only did he write them, but he played everything.

He played the drums, he played the guitar, he played the bass,

and he was writing the words.

I'm like, who ever heard of a kid masterminding

a project like this?

And I said, OK, let's go to a recording studio,

and let you start putting these things down.

Our music was melodic and he was just like, fuck that.

I'm like, badass.

I'm a hardcore and this is it.

And it was a world of difference.

[ROCK MUSIC]

770

HARLEY FLANAGAN: I kind of was having problems at home.

My mom's then husband, you know, kind of gave me an ultimatum,

like, you either got to start, you know, going back to school,

or you got to get some kind of work,

or you got to do some kind of something.

And I was like, fuck it.

No, I'm out, I'm out.

I'm good.

I was like, later.

And I just, you know, started staying at squats.

782 DOMINIC CHIANESE: C-Squat was where a lot of the street punk

rockers would just live.

785 And Harley lived there with his pit bull.

I'll never forget it.

The dog would, like, sit there, and like,

hear the rats running through the walls.

And then one time, it just darted right through the drywall

and came out with a fucking rat in its mouth.

That kind of-- those kind of images were-- were very--

were very, uh-- they stuck in my mind.

Are you ready to start filming?

NEFERTITI JONES: He found a family that was his crew.

That was the crew that was gonna protect you

against the stuff that happens to you.

And even though these people are actually pulling you

further down into this depth of hell,

they're going down there with you,

and you somehow take solace in that.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: I was living in a building

with no fucking electricity and no water,

and I was shoplifting to fucking feed myself.

Hey, make sure you get Franny on this floor.

You ready?

Start filming.

So tell me when you're ready.

ROGER MIRET: We lived in a squat together.

We pretty much roamed all New York City.

We were running that place, doing delinquent things.

We wanna get tattoo, we need money.

And then we would do dumb things, you know,

I'm not really proud of it.

And we'd go to Mikey's Tattoo and get tattooed.

We looked out for each other.

We were a tribe, you know?

A real tribe.

(SINGING) All you do [INAUDIBLE] up at the end

HARLEY FLANAGAN: I wasn't a mean person,

but I had to kinda talk myself into being worked up.

I got to take this dude's shit just to kinda survive.

823 You raise yourself in a wild environment.

So you're Wolf Boy, basically.

And that is the definition of being feral,

where you just kind of, I'll eat that.

Are you done with that?

Here, that'll be dinner.

And you get used to it pretty fast.

SACHA JENKINS: Did you have a jar full of teeth?

No.

OK, so I heard that you had a jar--

HARLEY FLANAGAN: I mean--

- full of teeth.

HARLEY FLANAGAN:--I've knocked out a lot of teeth.

I did used to save things from people that I would stomp out.

Right.

Boots that I took off.

Skinheads that I thought were punks and didn't have the right

to rep being a skinhead.

Why did you have a hit put out on you?

Because I-- I fucked up this-- one of the people who ran

the Pyramid Club.

It was just one of those dumb nights of just stupid shit.

[WHIMSICAL MUSIC]

Welcome to the Pyramid.

848 ANDREW CASTRUCCI: The Pyramid Club was a famous gay club.

But even hardcore music was played there.

It was everything.

It was cabaret.

Harley and his crew were going after people

going to the Pyramid, and, you know, they were smoking dust.

855 The guys in the Pyramid raised $10,000 to go after Harley.

They hired a Puerto Rican local gang to--

to either kill Harley or rough him up.

859 HARLEY FLANAGAN: They were from my block.

They were from 12th Street.

You know, they knew who I was.

They knew who my mom was.

I remember being a little kid in school,

and people talking about Pigman.

And he would pull up on people in his blue Nova

and blast them with a shotgun.

[GUNSHOT]

869 Imagine what it feels like when you're like 15 or 16,

and all of a sudden, like, you know,

you basically have the boogeyman looking for you, you know.

It's like having fucking Freddy Krueger or some shit

having a hit on you.

875 At one time, they, like, kicked in the door

at a friend of mine's apartment and put guns

in people's mouths and shit, looking for me.

879 Probably the only reason it didn't seem as nuts as it was

is because I was always fucking tripping on acid or fucked

up all the time.

883 Shit was getting pretty dangerous for me.

And, you know, there was this band playing at A7.

They were from California, and they were leaving that night.

So I piled in the car with them, and, you know, we headed west.

888 I wind up in San Francisco living at the vats, an abandoned

brewery.

I was literally staying in an air vent.

892 That's where I started doing crystal meth and shit like that.

I was eating acid every day practically.

Nothing about this didn't seem normal.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

897 [ROCK MUSIC]

899

HARLEY FLANAGAN: The lyrics were my journal.

I was starting to come of age, writing my own songs.

I was like trying to create my own sound of music.

904 It would be a real motherfucking--

just a real fucking joy--

Yeah.

- to just have some fun, man.

And just play some fucking music.

Love it.

When we focus enough on our craft,

it doesn't matter whether the craft is simple or complex

or what fucking style it is.

It's that within the context of it,

you're able to articulate your fucking self.

Sincerity.

And yourself, the way that you feel.

You know, as a kid, you don't really

know how to make sense of things--

if someone's abusive to you, the world

seems dishonest, if you're scared to be in your own house,

like how it was for me as a kid.

I was scared to be in my house.

It was a scary fucking place.

And when I found music and found also,

like, a community of musicians, being

in that space where you're playing music

and you're channeling this thing that's way bigger than you--

Woo!

930 FLEA:--you're free.

You're tapping your highest self, and you're expressing it.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: I'm writing about my life,

running the streets and getting in fights

and getting jumped and fighting back and just

being a fucking maniac.

You know, without music, I would have probably--

I would have definitely ended up dead or in jail.

[TARZAN JUNGLE CALL]

940 Shut the fuck up!

Let me get one.

I got my knife.

All right, you got your knife?

It's the concrete jungle, ain't it?

Yeah, right?

Come on.

948 [WHISTLES]

Hey!

HARLEY FLANAGAN: I was going out with this Canadian chick

from Montreal.

She was like 18 or 19.

I was 15 years old.

And I decided to go back there with her.

956 Now here I am in fucking Canada, and we're, like,

staying at all kinds of crazy places

where people aren't even supposed to live.

960 We wound up hooking up with these guys.

They were in their 20s.

They were skinheads.

These particular assholes were completely

fucking out of their mind.

Pentagram tattooed all over them.

Swastikas all over them.

They were like satanic Nazi skinheads.

I enjoyed a fight, but I wasn't into just, like, extreme

violence for the sake of it.

These guys were.

972 That's when it really turned into, like,

some real, like, Clockwork Orange shit.

975 We'd eat acid and sit around listening to aggressive music

and just, like, getting revved up and pumped up.

978 Stretching, doing splits and shit,

because they know they're gonna go out fucking fight that night.

981 We're walking down the street.

One of them, like, kicks this dude in the fucking face

as he's walking by.

[POUNDING MUSIC]

986 I'm the last one standing.

I got this pipe in my jacket.

989 If you don't get your hands dirty,

you know you're next on the menu.

That's just the fucking--

that's the law of the land, man, in that street shit.

[POUNDING MUSIC]

The chick that I went to Canada with,

she used to go out with one of these dudes.

So, you know, it was only a matter of time.

He started trying to fuck around with her again

while we were there.

Yeah.

And when she wasn't having it, you know,

it took them a whole about--

about five minutes or so to decide one night, you know,

fuck this kid.

[ROCK MUSIC]

The three of them said, Harley, get up.

I go like this to get up, and I get kicked right in the face.

She starts screaming.

She's trying to jump on them and this and that.

One of them's holding her, and the two

are just kicking the fucking living shit out of me.

They took turns.

1013 And then they said, we're going out.

When we come back, you better fucking be gone.

We packed and got the fuck out of there.

1017 That was the first time that I ever got beat to the point

where I needed to go to the hospital.

That shit was getting infected.

And, like-- like it had been kicked around a bunch of times

by three guys wearing steel-toed boots, you know.

Maybe that's why my teeth look like this.

Oh, yeah, come to think of it, I used

to have straight teeth before I went to Canada.

No, that's bullshit.

My teeth were always fucked up.

That was a joke, people.

I'm trying to, you know, lighten up the fucking situation here.

That same week, I got this tattoo of the devil

grabbing the world.

He's just leaping through the universe

and reaching out and grabbing it.

I just felt like just the world was going to hell--

like, everything and everybody in it.

That's when I was just like, you will fucking fear me.

1037 That turned me into the Harley.

1039 You look at me wrong, or for too long, I will fuck you up.

[ROCK MUSIC]

1042 Everybody knew that I was starting

a band called the Cro-Mags.

I was writing it everywhere.

I'd wake up at C-Squat, come up with an idea.

I didn't have any way to record it.

You know, we didn't have electricity.

So a lot of times I would go to a payphone

and call Paris and be like, don't pick up the phone.

And I would hum a riff into his machine,

you know, and he would learn it and come back

and we would play it.

[ROCK MUSIC]

1055 As the Cro-Mags, we came out of the starting gate,

crushing all the other bands.

Most of the other bands didn't even

wanna play with us in New York because we all were musicians.

Parris grew up listening to rock and playing.

Mackie was also a really good drummer,

and then John was just a chaotic ball of energy on stage.

1063 And it wasn't really about vocals as much

as it was about energy and presence and attitude.

We developed a pretty strong fan base, like, right away.

Those

Shows were packed.

We're mad.

Not even punk rock records do it anymore.

We need stronger stuff.

Hardcore is the answer.

With hardcore bands, it's written

by young people for young people, so it's fresh.

It's right out of the water onto your plate.

How can it not be infectious?

The audience is wild, and the band is wild.

And you see four bands doing four 40-minute sets.

And CBGB's would be 300 pounds heavier

from sweat going into the floor at the end of a matinee.

1081 OK.

BROOKE SMITH: That was [INAUDIBLE] [? Cass. ?]

HARLEY FLANAGAN: Yeah, I remember all these faces.

What the fuck was that--

BROOKE SMITH: Jenny Lush.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: Jenny Lush.

Yeah.

BROOKE SMITH: I mean, I think that my way in what--

I-- I felt that's what I had to offer.

Like, you know, I could say, I took pictures of you guys.

These are the ones.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: That's my Jaco Pastorius bass.

BROOKE SMITH: So these are the ones

I was talking about that were not--

HARLEY FLANAGAN: Irving Plaza.

BROOKE SMITH: They were totally blown out before.

And then when I rescanned them, they got better.

I still have those boots.

BROOKE SMITH: You do?

They have fucking teeth marks, and the steel toes,

and everything.

I'm like fucking red braces, plaid shirt.

Fucking hell, man.

I'm like--

BROOKE SMITH: I guess you knew your audience.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

I grew up in Rockland County, and I

would take the bus into the city, and then

the train downtown to Westport.

And then I would get out and walk east.

I wanted truth.

And everybody was real, they weren't full of shit.

1114 It's just so wild to me that we all just somehow found

each other.

1117 How did no one see?

How did no one say, are you OK?

You know?

So many of us had come from alcoholic parents

or whatever sexual abuse stuff was happening.

How many people in your film have been sexually abused?

Has anyone not been?

1125 Oh.

1127 MAN: This guy's tattoo, look.

RAY CAPPO: It sort of felt like, OK, these are my people.

Back in my school, I'm a freak.

All the people are coming from New Jersey, or Long Island,

or Connecticut, or Queens, and they're freaks.

And they're all coming together for a big freak parade.

Here's to the ink.

Yeah!

That's-- is this for TV?

And now we're gonna listen to some band

play their freaky music.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

1140 SCOTT IAN: I remember that anticipation of, like,

knowing the Cro-Mags, literally, are about to walk on stage

and, you know, we got to know is gonna kick in, and it's just

like--

like it's just insanity.

All right.

We're the Cro-Mags!

SCOTT IAN: It's terrifying and it's awesome at the same time.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

1150 I've never bungee-jumped, but that's what I compare it to.

Because you know in three seconds,

I might end up in the hospital, or I might just

dance and have the, you know, the time of my life.

But you're still going, you're going in.

You don't care, you're going in.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

1158

BROOKE SMITH: I know that after a show, I felt better.

Maybe it's the feeling I get from hot yoga now.

[LAUGHS] It's so not that feeling.

But that thing of just getting it out, getting it out,

you know, dancing, and sweating, and--

and raging.

[PIERCING MUSIC]

1167

INTERVIEWER: Is this about being angry at your parents?

I'm gonna ask this one more time.

Like, it's not the parents that were rebelling against.

This is more like--

authority who tries to just, like, cram

all kinds of materialistic, like, bogus views

down our throats since, like, childhood.

When I go to a show, we don't sit around

and talk about what our parents are saying,

or how school is going.

I don't know, I mean--

we're-- you know, I mean, we're there to-- to have a good time,

you know, with our friends, seeing bands that we like.

What do you-- what you plan to do--

I play bass with the Cro-Mags.

We got an album coming out, too.

1185 [ROCK MUSIC]

JOE NELSON: We would go off into the weekend

night, and the Cro-Mags Age of Quarrel,

that would be our anthem.

I first discovered the Cro-Mags as a teenager.

So I grew up in suburban Southern California.

Pop that tape into the car, and, like,

we're listening to Age of Quarrel on repeat all night.

It was so raw and brutal.

JOCKO WILLINK: When I first heard Age of Quarrel,

I was like, oh, this is what I've been looking for.

Because what are you gonna listen to?

The Eagles, Boston, or REO Speedwagon, right?

That's-- that's not in my head.

I-- I hear it, it's a thing, but it doesn't fit in there right.

Here the Cro-Mags, and you go, oh, yeah,

this is what's in my head.

[ROCK MUSIC]

1204 HARLEY FLANAGAN: My first big break

was when we went on tour with Motorhead.

1207 You know, it opened us up to a different crowd.

All of a sudden, you had a lot of metalheads

discovering hardcore.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

1212 And what really changed everything

was the-- we got no video because that

showcased what hardcore was all about for the first time on MTV.

[ROCK MUSIC]

1217 [CROWD CHEERING, WHISTLING]

1219 IAN MACKAYE: The New York scene was really aggro,

like skinhead being bruisers.

It was absurd that people had to get beat up

over their fucking shoelaces.

Like skinheads didn't like red shoelaces, or just

any reason to fight.

RAY CAPPO: Shit can go down in any moment.

One particular story I remember of Harley

threatening this guy with a chair leg and a nail in it.

Something about stealing the guy's boots

and beating them anyway.

1231 MAN: I didn't come to hardcore for physical intimidation.

I came to hardcore to be inspired,

to look at kids, white, Black, green, and other,

who were doing things, who were making things or making zines.

They were making music.

They were booking shows.

So I benefited from that.

1239 That's what I took from hardcore.

I didn't take the thug shit.

Fuck, I got thug shit all day in my neighborhood.

Why would I want thug shit from a bunch of white dudes anyway?

I think there's something to white male identity

and manifest destiny that white dudes got to go at each other,

to be the top dog or the top banana.

1247 NEFERTITI JONES: I remember going to Cro-Mags at CBGB's.

It just felt very militant.

It felt very Aryan race or something like.

It was like--

I was like, wow, this is a little too white for me,

a little too skinhead for me, a little too freaking

angry for me.

And not that Harley wasn't still, of course, nice,

but he just-- he wasn't like, hey, Nef!

It was like, hey, cool, thanks.

Thanks-- you know.

HENRY ROLLINS: That's the period of time where I kind of didn't

wanna know that guy.

You're a dangerous dude.

You're gonna end up in jail.

You're gonna end up dead.

Like, you're really on the edge, man.

IAN MACKAYE: I will say that, as fucked up as he has been,

I always thought that he had a good heart.

I just felt like he's a good guy,

and I'm sorry that his armor is so heavy.

I think everybody should try to be a little bit more aware

of, you know, of their past, and their present,

and-- and the future, and about their relationship with God.

The big thing about the Cro-Mags isn't just their live

set, it's the fact that two of them follow Hare Krishna.

Well, yeah, we-- he used to live at the temple for a long

time.

We all, you know, we all read Bhagavad Gita,

and the scriptures are really a good guideline because it's

like the oldest source of knowledge in it,

and it really stands strong, and up to,

and very relevant to what's happening today.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

1282 I think the Krishna thing in New York

was a reaction to what the Bad Brains were

doing with Rastafarianism and sort of this consciousness.

And it was probably a little bit more

easy to get with if you were white.

The music of the Cro-Mags is so powerful,

and they were such charismatic dudes

that really inspired other people in the hardcore scene

to learn about it and become a part of it.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: It's just like an ancient way of thinking

that gave some kind of hope.

1294 It was one of the first parts of me that--

steering myself away from the extreme violence of--

1297 RAY CAPPO: Youth of Today, my band, was playing,

and Harley missed our performance

because he got in a fight with somebody.

And after the show, he called me to come walk with him.

He pulls out his stick with a nail in it,

and he starts rapping it against his hand.

And I was like, it could go real south real quick right now.

1305 And he starts preaching to me that we could die at any moment.

And the illusion of the world is that we think

we're gonna live forever--

but it's just not true.

Whack, whack, whack.

1311 And then we started walking down into the First Avenue subway

station.

1314 He doesn't let up his preaching to me

about transcendental spiritual philosophy of the ancient gold

standard of spirituality.

And now, it's getting passed on to me in a dirty subway station

by a guy who looks like a human pit bull.

1320 He goes, you got to learn compassion

before you can advance in spiritual life.

So we see spirit in every living being.

After that beautiful soliloquy, he jumps the turnstile,

and the lady at the subway booth was like,

hey, get back here, pay your fare!

1327 So he just looks at the lady and goes, F you!

1329 That was my introduction to the spiritual philosophy

of the east.

And it was sort of a seed which changed the entire trajectory

of my life.

We're all brothers and sisters.

Is this not the truth?

CROWD: Yeah!

Is there any need for all this nonsense, all people?

You got short hair, I got long hair, this, that-- fuck that!

We're all brothers, right?

[PUNK ROCK MUSIC]

1341

1343 It was strange to be successful, and we're

pretty much all still broke.

1346 We give you the rundown of a band.

It's like the-- the rehearsal studio gets paid.

The recording studio gets paid.

The record label gets paid.

The-- everyone that works around us--

The lawyer gets paid.

- the lawyer gets paid.

The manager gets paid.

The clubs get paid.

Everybody gets paid first, and then the band.

And so a lot of times--

By the time we get paid, we're lucky if we

can afford breakfast.

So that's why you got to play because you want to,

and because you, as a person, you have to--

to, like, feel whole.

I mean, if I stopped playing music, I would like,

I'd fizzle away and die somewhere like a bum.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

My life and John's in particular were pretty stressful.

We were like couch-surfing, and staying in squats,

and to feel like you're kind of getting ripped off

and all that stuff.

1371 As time went by, I think it created

a lot of tension between all of us as a band and--

and as friends, and everything else, you know.

1375

When I was starting to really get fucked up on heroin,

my mom started flipping out, and she

starts, like, blaming it on-- it's,

you know, the girlfriend you're with.

I'm just like, you know what?

It's like, maybe I don't wanna be a fucking rock star.

You ever fucking think about that, Mom?

Maybe I'm tired of fucking living up to every fucking body

else's expectations.

Maybe I just wanna fucking be a scumbag,

and fucking shoot drugs, and fucking OD, and fuck everybody.

1388 It's hard to be that type of an intense person,

and to go to such extreme emotional dumps.

1391 And drugs become an easy way to deal

with fame and the confusion of popularity and the depression.

It's a heavy thing to go from--

[IMITATES SCREAMING] to the silence

of your room and your mind.

1397 I'd been seeing this chick for a while,

and we were both really fucked up on drugs.

It was just spiraling.

And I knew that if I didn't get the fuck out of town

and get away from her that I was gonna end up dead.

So I split town.

1404 And while I was on the West Coast, she got in touch with me

and told me that she had contracted AIDS

and that she was about to have a daughter.

Then she tells me that it might be mine.

And all I could think about was this unborn child

that was probably not gonna know anything about their mother.

I came back to New York, the kid had been born,

and I started taking care of the mother.

The other potential father candidate

who wound up being her father, was a crackhead.

And I'm like this-- this kid has got nothing.

She's got nothing.

I decided to clean up, so I started jogging.

And she abandoned the kid at a fucking crack house one day.

And I went to that fucking crack house, and I took that child,

and all these crackheads were in there fucking--

you can't take the baby, you can't take--

I said try to stop me, motherfucker.

Just try.

And I raised her for the first three years of her life.

[LIGHT MUSIC]

1426

I was so attached to her, I loved her so much.

And, um-- and then the grandparents

really didn't want me involved.

So I remember the last time I--

I left her there with them, and she was crying hysterically.

Please, Daddy, don't go, Daddy, don't go.

1434 I still hear it, though, you know.

I could have relapsed that night.

I could have fell right on my face listening to that kid cry

and beg for me not to leave her.

I said, you know what?

I saved her.

And if the one good thing that comes out of that besides that,

it's gonna be that I stay off fucking heroin.

1443 I'd rather die fighting than die because I gave up,

because you just don't know what is coming ahead.

It can really suck for a long time, but you may get to a place

where, all of a sudden, everything changes.

1448 I take the train to work, and, uh, you know,

like every other New Yorker, you know?

1451

Look at that.

He bridges towards me, brings his leg over.

That knee drives towards the ground.

He posts up on his left and pulls that arm out.

Now he's in good position to go to side control.

Jiu-jitsu teaches you to channel,

to drive your aggressivity, which--

this is the strength that moves you forward,

that drives you forward, that makes you conquer,

that makes you fall in love, that makes you drive forward

to achieve.

Knee over-- yes, just like this.

Post with this arm and pull it out.

Pull it out!

Yeah!

I've seen Harley on every situation on this life.

We've been friends for 25 years.

He didn't have direction when I met him know.

You know, his intensity was everywhere.

It's like sometimes, you-- you-- the wrong friends, the insecure,

because people don't understand.

Who is violent?

Insecure people, you know.

And I saw Harley completely changed here.

I'm going for this leg.

You go here.

Here, you can step forward when you do it.

Go back again.

Now look first, in front of my face.

OK?

Step here.

Replace, reinforce.

Yes!

Yeah, cover those two toes.

See, I want my--

yes, elbows in.

OK.

Easy, easy.

Yes.

Once I'm here, I come behind it.

Make a fist.

Here, look, I'm gonna do it very easy.

Let's say I go to put my knuckle straight back behind me.

I'm gonna go easy.

Yeah, yeah.

Yes, motherfucker.

When I first started training at Renzo's, it was, I guess,

January or February of '96.

I had just fucking kicked, smack.

I was like big--

I'd been all fucked up on crystal meth, and angel dust,

and fucking all that.

You looked fucking nutty.

I was a mess.

That 10 year period that I started training and getting

my life together, Half the motherfuckers

that I know in music were, like, fucking dropping dead.

[RHYTHMIC MUSIC]

1512

If a band sticks around long enough

to become a brand or anything that has any lasting value,

you know, things are gonna change.

I mean, it's hard enough for people to stay married.

My life really changed when I became a father.

Being around my sons was really important for me.

I wanted to be, for them, what I really didn't have.

1521 The band actually never really fell apart.

There was like a brief period of time

that I was raised with my kids, and there was a,

you know, a masquerade going on of the band.

1526 When you're young, everybody's got a fucking ego,

everybody's, you know.

For John to take over Cro-Mags in the eyes of the fans,

he had to put dirt on me.

I had a kid, and I couldn't go on tour,

and the motherfucker booked the whole tour

and started touring without me.

[PUNK ROCK MUSIC]

1535 A stabbing melee broke out in the middle of the CBGB festival

Friday night when Harley Flanagan,

former bassist and founding member of the Cro-Mags,

showed up at his old band's gig at Webster Hall in New York

City.

MAN: There's like a hardcore fest.

It's like a reunion fest bringing back a bunch of old

bands, and the Cro-Mags--

I should say, a formation of the Cro-Mags or members

of the Cro-Mags--

HARLEY FLANAGAN: Oh, man, you can just call it the Faux-Mags.

Let's just keep it real, man.

MAN: They were gonna play--

A fake-ass band that does my songs with one of the old

members, you know.

MAN: And they were gonna play?

Yes.

1553 HARLEY FLANAGAN: When I went to Webster Hall,

I went after teaching a jiu-jitsu class, you know.

I went straight from work.

I actually had passes.

I was put on the guest list by one of the promoters.

Everybody knew I was gonna be there.

I mean, things were going pretty good for me at that moment,

I thought.

I actually had like this crazy idea that if I saw John,

you know, we'd, you know, recognize something there.

You know what I mean?

This is a guy that I, you know, was

pretty tight with growing up.

I mean, we used to live in squats.

We went through a lot of shit, you know.

We used to have to steal together.

We survived.

You know, we were out there hustling.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

1573 Once fucker comes up to me, gives me a hug and says,

you know I always had love for you.

Let's go talk to John, man.

Let's go squash this shit.

This has been going on for way too long.

We walked to the dressing room.

The one guy opens the door.

I walk in, and I get punched from the side, punched

from the other side.

It was a complete and total fucking setup.

John went out, stood on the other side of that door

listening, and right before they closed the door,

my friend said he saw all those dudes gathering around the door

to jump on me when I walked in.

(SINGING) Friends like you

Who needs enemies

HARLEY FLANAGAN: I got fucking stabbed.

Do you think I'm gonna go by myself

and attack a fucking room full of people?

This ain't a fucking Jackie fucking Chan movie--

MAN: Right.

- you know?

JOE NELSON: The way it was depicted in the media,

Harley took a knife, fucking charge to Webster Hall,

ran up the stairs and was stabbing everyone,

like, I'm fucking killing everyone in this fucking place.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: I got cut, too.

I'm just lucky that I had a fucking knife in my bag,

you know.

And people will say, why did you have a knife or whatever?

I always have a fucking knife on me.

You know, I had that-- it's a fucking tool, you know.

I use it for all kinds of shit.

I got one on me right now.

I'm on my couch.

[LAUGHS]

1610 Flanagan was transported to the hospital.

Cops charged him with two counts of second-degree assault

and weapons charges.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: So I went from the hospital, to the Tombs,

and then, eventually, to Rikers.

[RHYTHMIC MUSIC]

1617 So I'm in my cell, and all of a sudden,

I get told that I have a visitor.

I got legal counsel there.

1621 LAURA LEE FLANAGAN: I was incredibly nervous.

I'd never been to a jail, or a prison,

or any situation like that before.

1625 There's a plastic table, a plastic chair,

and a bulletproof glass.

And I was sitting there, and then I

started to think to myself, what are you doing?

Why are you here?

Suddenly, you're in Rikers Island,

waiting for Harley Flanagan, who, by all accounts,

just did some really, really grave things.

1634 I actually met Harley for the first time back then.

1636 I walked his crazy dog, which was like a thing.

He doesn't remember.

I was just another kid.

1640 We were on completely different life tracks.

I was in school.

I went to college.

I received my PhD.

And then I went to law school.

At one point, I started an online magazine called New York

Natives, and I interviewed Harley for it.

At the time, he sent me what he called a draft of his book,

and I agreed to help him edit it.

And we became good friends.

And when I heard about Webster Hall

and that he was at Rikers, I--

I knew I had to help.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: I go up there, and I'm

sitting in the room waiting for my attorney to come in.

And Laura walks in.

I was in my-- my little Upper East Side uniform,

my white blouse and polka dot skirt, and really,

really out of place.

You don't do this kind of law.

I was like, you're right.

I-- [LAUGHS] I don't.

I don't do this type of law.

He's like, I wasn't expecting you.

I was expecting my public defender.

You know, I'd been speaking to her that day that that shit

happened, you know, like, literally leading up

to the-- to the event.

So she knew that what was being said was not true.

LAURA LEE FLANAGAN: All of what they

were saying to create this monstrous version

of some mad man wielding a knife, and I knew all of it

was bullshit.

And I don't like lies.

1675 HARLEY FLANAGAN: I was looking at up to three years.

The mother of my kids had just left me,

threatening that I was never gonna see my kids again.

So it was like, I'm never gonna see my kids.

1680 LAURA LEE FLANAGAN: The stories kept changing.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: Every fucking one of them

gave a conflicting testimony.

LAURA LEE FLANAGAN: By the third hearing,

our attorney basically said, this

is gonna get thrown out because the prosecutor can't

find any credible witnesses.

1688 Even though the charges were dropped,

the emotional toll was horrible.

It was a dark, dark period.

1692 And we wound up becoming very attached to each other.

1694 We had both been in long relationships,

and mine was coming to a sad end, as was his.

Harley was in need of support.

He didn't have people rallying around him.

In fact, most were running the opposite direction.

1700 We were all together on a life raft,

doing our best to keep life as sane as we could

for his kids, who needed any form of stability.

1704 HARLEY FLANAGAN: Thank you.

Thank you, thank you for letting me

LAURA LEE FLANAGAN: I don't know about all these people.

I don't know about all these people, but I don't know.

I know.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: You can love someone and not

have it be a healthy relationship.

You could fall in love with somebody that brings

the worst things out of you.

It's the first healthy relationship

I've ever been in-- in my life.

1716 I feel like I have fallen in love with the absolute right

person because she makes me wanna live.

1719 In my pocket, what you want?

1721 LAURA LEE FLANAGAN: It's relentless.

OK.

Thank you.

1727 [WHIMSICAL MUSIC]

1729

1731 I really didn't get my kids into music

because I was honestly a little bit

afraid of my own experiences.

I actually thought, that, like jiu-jitsu or MMA

would be a better career choice.

I was like, it's safer.

It's safer to get punched in the face

than it is to deal with, like, the rock and roll

insanity for your whole life.

1741 As I move forward in my training,

I'm trying to be very realistic about shit, you know.

Especially after I got stabbed.

You know, because that-- then I started

really getting into the mindset of jiu-jitsu is for my friends.

Fighting is when you start fucking sticking your thumb all

the way into someone's eyeball, you know, and shit like that.

1749 JOCKO WILLINK: He's trying to process

this completely chaotic life filled with mayhem and violence

and abuse.

The sadness isn't gonna go away.

The trauma is not gonna leave.

But once you understand that there's

this trauma in your head, there are

moves that you can make to overcome

those traumatic experiences that you've had.

1759

You know how many thoughts you think in a day, friend?

60,000 or 70,000 thoughts every day,

and 90% of them are the same exact thoughts day in, day out.

It's, like, we got to break the habit of being ourselves,

you know.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: To be the character in that movie

that I was, I had to, like, go into that violent head set so I

couldn't turn my brain off.

Like, I would just have, like, images of violence,

just fucking, like, playing in my brain,

and repeat, and repeat, and repeat, and repeat,

and repeat until I just, like, I couldn't fucking take it.

It's just like-- and that's when I, like, start fucking,

like, missing the heroin and shit.

Just go bang, and then like, you're-- you're asleep,

and you're just like, wherever you are,

and you're fucking warm and fuzzy and you're not afraid

and angry and--

MICHAEL IMPERIOLI: But you're not really living?

No, you're not-- you're-- you're practically dead there,

you know.

For some reason, you wound up doing that movie,

and you had that experience, and it's

opened up this, you know, a lot of things that you're looking

at, and, you know, evolving, changing, healing

all these things.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: I had an incident the other night,

like, just like walking my dog, having an exchange with someone.

This asshole had a dog on a leash,

but all of a sudden, his dog comes flying at me,

barking and trying to attack my dog.

And like, I didn't see this fucking thing coming.

My dog's like, whoa!

And I'm like, whoa, like trying to hold him.

I just look at the dude, and I'm, like, mumbling to myself,

you know, you could hold that motherfucker better.

And this guy starts in with the, you saying something, man?

You saying something?

And I wind up getting so fucking angry from walking away.

1800 I've gotten so far from where I was.

Where I am now, it's like fucking night and day.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

You know, my life really is in the best place it's ever been.

I just got to stay on the trajectory of mine, you know.

Stay focused, stay positive.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

1808 I think, ultimately, the goal is, you know,

if you can be at peace with yourself,

you know, if you can know that the people you love,

you know, they know you love them,

and you can leave something behind

for them, besides just a memory, you know.

Then you've-- you did good.

1816 I guess you can probably figure out

by now that this is a cheapo guitar and a cheapo tape

recorder, and I just put together something

just so I could send it to you.

I got the blues.

I had the blues for 25 years now,

and I've had them just on account of what a rotten ass

I was back in the day.

I've been battling alcohol since I quit heroin.

I quit alcohol for 14 months, and then I went off on a bender

because I couldn't find nobody to love or to care for.

And a man just ain't made to be alone in this world.

But I guess that's what I got coming for what

I've been in this life.

1831 So I only actually ever got, like, two letters from my dad.

One of the letters was a cassette.

It was recorded at a halfway house

that he was living at at the time.

It was kind of hard to hear, especially

knowing how he eventually died, you know.

It's like he was still pretty much on the street.

And, you know, he died from a fire that he set in a dumpster,

trying to keep warm.

1841 I don't have any memories of him in-- in his life,

but I did bury him with my own hands.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

1845 I was actually very lucky that the--

the last year of her life, me and her

were able to put a lot of that behind.

That's beautiful.

You're lucky.

I mean, I'm just--

I thank God, or the universe, or whatever.

I just am so grateful that I was able to finally just love her.

I just wish it would have happened sooner.

1855

I've never been to a punk show,

so this is kind of a cool beginning to that.

When I moved back to New York, I was like 16,

and I'd see people wearing T-shirts that say Cro-Mags.

I would google it, and I found out

that they were way bigger than I thought they were.

1863 HARLEY FLANAGAN: She basically tracked me down.

I kind of lost touch after her grandparents took custody.

1866 I just didn't know if I was really supposed to, like,

stay in touch.

[CHATTER]

1870 Tell me about that picture.

I've never been to Ireland, so I have to do it.

So we have two joints going.

Because two is better than one.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: It meant a lot to me that she came to find me,

you know.

She actually came out on tour with us

not that long ago in the States.

You know, her and my son were working the merch together,

it was kind of funny.

1881 MAN: Flanagan!

1883 This is what 55 is supposed to look like, motherfuckers.

[CHEERS, APPLAUSE]

1886 You fucking better live every fucking day

like you mean it because you don't know

when it's gonna be your last.

CROWD: Woo!

HARLEY FLANAGAN: That means every day you fucking love life.

You show your love for the people that matter to you,

and you do that by being strong.

You do that by not giving up no matter

what the fuck life hands you!

CROWD: Woo!

[PUNK ROCK MUSIC]

1898

1900 HARLEY FLANAGAN: I don't forgive myself,

but I accept what I've done.

I think that the moment you forgive yourself

is the moment you're fucking devaluing the horror of what

the fuck you've done, and you're not

accepting the responsibility for it anymore.

1907

You know one interesting thing, though, as far as like the--

the constant sound, I've actually gotten to a place

where I'm able to--

1912 it's almost like my heart rate and my breathing

become the bass and the drum, and all the sounds around me

1915 start to become the percussion.

And you can actually hear it all fall into place.

[GUITAR PLAYING]

1919

1921 My thoughts completely stop, and I'm just

like hearing and waiting for the next bird or the next noise.

1924 I've been practicing letting that happen,

just stopping and listening to the music of the universe and--

and my--

1928 [PANTING]

1930

1932 [STIRRING MUSIC]

1934 [CRO-MAGS, "NO ONE'S VICTIM"]

1936

Are you ready?

1939 [PUNK ROCK MUSIC]

1941

(SINGING) You can't let circumstances

Define who you are

'Cause only death is certain

Every else optional

Your happiness depends on

In no one else but you

'Cause no one else can live your life

Or fill your grave but you

No one's victim

Won't be a victim

You can't let your circumstances

Define who you are

'Cause only death is certain

Everything else is optional

Your happiness depends on

No one else but you

'Cause no one else can live your life

Or fill your grave but you

1961 No one's victim

1963