All language subtitles for Harley Flanagan Wired for Chaos 2024 1080p WEB-DL AVC AAC 2 0-PiG30N

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[AUDIO LOGO]

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HARLEY FLANAGAN (VOICEOVER):
I feel like I've

been angry for almost 50 years.

I'm only starting to now
realize that this is not really

who I am.

12
I'm responding to this
situation in this way

because I'm still
stuck in that place.

15
[STIRRING MUSIC]

17

Come on, dude.

Come on.

BOTH: You can't let
your circumstances

define who you are.

Because only death is certain.

Everything-- everything
else is optional.

[WHISTLING]

26
MAN: [LAUGHS] I guess it's
like the comic, right?

Yeah, that's what-- you
said that thing [INAUDIBLE]

[CHATTER CONTINUES]

30
HARLEY FLANAGAN (VOICEOVER):
Just another day at the office,

you know.

It's like you go and you work.

But at the same time,
a lot of the old songs

are really about
violent time in my life.

36
Performance itself, you know,
sometimes, it takes me to places

that I really don't wanna go.

[CROWD SCREAMING]

You motherfuckers ready?

CROWD: Yeah!

[HARD ROCK PLAYING]

43
(SINGING) You can't
let circumstances

Define who you are

Cause only death is certain

Everything else is optional

Your happiness depends on

No one else but you

Cause no one else
can live your life

Or fill your grave but you

Here's this wild story with
lots of violence and creativity

and confusion and chaos.

54
Harley is like the real deal.

And I'm not saying that just
because he's my little brother

and we came up together
in this rock shit.

He was just
like, in your face.

IAN MACKAYE:
There's, like, people

who the punk scene
didn't shape them,

they shaped the punk scene.

I would put him
in that category.

63
Harley's music is
still raw as fuck.

His musicianship is
just off the charts.

His stories will
kill your lawn

and peel the paint off your car.

He's seen a whole
lot of life, and he's

lucky to have come
through the other side.

(SINGING) You must lift
your body up and down

71

HARLEY FLANAGAN:
Actually, nothing's

really changed in the way I
write music since I started.

The ideas, they just
come to me, you know,

and then I try to
figure them out.

77

LAURA LEE FLANAGAN: Harley,
he has a lot of baggage

and a lot of history that he's
trying to work out in his life.

I got a lot of stuff, but
I feel like I got nothing.

I got like a little handbag
compared to what he has.

He's got trunks.

84
Now, mind you,
she's cleaning them

because it's driving her crazy.

Not me.

LAURA LEE FLANAGAN: I
can't stand it anymore.

89
His life story and
the way he was raised,

he's working out the absence
of his own childhood.

92
HARLEY FLANAGAN (VOICEOVER):
I was wired for chaos

before I knew anything.

[WHIMSICAL MUSIC]

I was the baby in the
room, on the dirty mattress

on the floor while the
adults were freaking out--

[WATER SPLASHES]

- because this one OD'd, and--

100
TEX FLANAGAN: You
know, only one time

when you-- when you was a
kid that I really, really

feel close to you.

And that was one night
when I come home,

and there was nobody there.

The dope fiend I left
taking care of you

was nodded off in the kitchen.

Your mama was going
out dancing somewhere,

and I was out hustling dope.

And I come home, you
was laying in your bed,

and you was all wet,
and you was crying,

and I felt so sorry for you.

I changed the bed
clothes, and I laid down,

and I held you in my arms
till you went to sleep.

And then I laid there,
and I thought bad, bad

about your mama.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

118

HARLEY FLANAGAN: She left my
dad after the final ass-whipping

that she got.

I never saw him again.

123
I was the baby that
was there on the side

of the road with my mother
hitchhiking with no fucking

money in her pocket.

LUCY SANTE: I got to be very
close to Harley's mom, Rosebud,

and I knew about her life
running away from home

as a teenager and moving into
the Kerista Commune, which

was the free love
commune in those days,

and being pulled out of
there by Allen Ginsberg,

the great American poet.

They all lived on
the Lower East Side,

probably like 1965,
something like that.

[ROCK MUSIC]

136

The beats and the Warhol
Factory crowd and the painters,

they all knew one another.

140
Rose was making the scene,
and she was very beautiful.

And that was the criterion
for having a screen test done

is, if you weren't
famous, then you

were somebody who hung around.

[RHYTHMIC MUSIC]

146
HARLEY FLANAGAN:
But I'm telling you

that I knew what sex was before
I knew the fucking alphabet

or the months of the year.

I'm not motherfucking
kidding you, bro.

I wish I was.

[POUNDING BEAT]

153
I remember, like,
going to my mom's job

when she was stripping.

156
I remember watching
motherfuckers sticking money

down her fucking, you know.

159

I mean, I remember
hitchhiking with my mother,

and this guy, this truck
driver tried to rape my mom.

And, you know, when you're,
like, attacking a grown man

with, like, everything
you have to get them

off your mom in a fucking--

in the side of a fucking
road on the highway,

that shit doesn't go away.

168
You know, I think my mom
was kind of just going

from one situation to the next.

171
I started out on the Lower
East Side, and then I--

almost by happenstance,
wound up in Denmark.

[SOFT GUITAR MUSIC]

175
My mom went there with
basically a boyfriend of hers.

He was a dope dealer.

178
We were there for I don't
know how long before things

went south with them, and she
met my stepfather, Karsten.

He was, like, one of
the best influences

that I've had in my life.

I owe a lot to that man.

I love him as if he
really was my father.

185
My stepdad was a
longshoreman, you know.

He wasn't a drug addict.

We still did, like,
crazy hippie shit,

drove to Morocco in
this little minivan.

It was super cool, fun.

But at the end of the day,
he came back, and he worked.

192
He loved me like his son.

He was one of the only people
I can remember actually

sitting there and try and
do, like, homework with me,

telling me like, but you're
gonna need to know this stuff.

And I'm like, why do I
need to know this stuff?

I'm gonna be a musician.

And he'd be like, but you
still have to know math.

[POUNDING BEAT]

My mom had it in
her head that I was

gonna be an artist or a musician
before I knew I was gonna be.

I was playing in
the school band,

and we did a lot of
performances and stuff,

but she turned me on
to the Sex Pistols.

That was it.

[ROCK MUSIC]

My hair came off.

I was a punk rocker.

210
I was playing with my first
band, Little Big Boss.

That's kind of where I first cut
my teeth like playing in clubs.

My mom just let me go.

Like, yeah, OK.

You know, go play your shows
and come back, you know.

216
I was around 12 years old
when we finally moved back

to New York for good.

219
The blackout, and the garbage
strike, and the Son of Sam,

it was all still
fresh in the air.

222
It was a very difficult
transition for me.

I had a weird accent.

225
And I was into punk rock.

I was fucked with in
school and on the street

and by all the kids on my block.

[ECHOING CHILDREN CHATTER]

230
I'm just like living in this
really crazy Lord of the Flies

ghetto shit show.

[CHUCKLES]

NEFERTITI JONES: I went
to school with Harley.

He was like a really sweet kid.

He was funny.

He wanted attention.

He wanted a lot of attention.

I was different than Harley
in the sense I wanted

to pretend my life was normal.

We had these really
brilliant parents that

somehow were so irresponsible.

Like they just dropped
us in the middle of hell

and expected us to kinda
just raise ourselves.

245
HARLEY FLANAGAN: It was
kind of like the way

the South Bronx looked,
a lot of slum lords

were burning shit down.

Just drug addicts, drug
dealers and fucking lunatics.

I love when they're,
like, nodding off

and they almost hit the ground.

Or they had the oozing
pus from their arms.

That was just such a
welcome view every morning

on my way to school.

255
I love this
motherfucker right here.

I had my first cup of coffee
in five days, so forgive me.

I've never had a cup
of coffee in my life.

Never.

[SWOOSH] That's
why you're so calm.

Is that why?

It must be.

My wife goes crazy if
she doesn't get that shit.

So--

She drinks that
fucking Bustelo, too.

Nah, she drinks the
white people shit.

HARLEY FLANAGAN:
Anyway, so, look, I

grew up on the Lower East Side.

I hated growing up down there.

I was just getting
fucked with and bullied,

and I deal with being prey.

Like, am I getting my ass kicked
on my way to school today?

I have to cross the street here
so I don't encounter this, that,

or the other, da da da.

There was a definite
pecking order,

and obviously, the Puerto
Ricans definitely ran shit.

277
They called Puerto
Ricans the Germans.

They used to call
them the Gestapo

because they had
shit on lockdown.

[RHYTHMIC MUSIC]

282
You would have probably got
your ass kicked on my block,

too, for being a
Black motherfucker.

Because it was just--
racism was just normal.

Like, yeah, I appear very white.

Everybody perceives me as white.

I perceived myself as white.

But the fact is is my
grandfather is from DR.

Right.

HARLEY FLANAGAN:
You know, I grew up

getting really abused
like a motherfucker

for being this white
kid without anybody--

without myself even really
understanding or embracing

my Dominican blood.

[RHYTHMIC MUSIC]

297
The gang on my block, they'd
all be sitting on the stoop

across from my building,
you know, smoking dust,

listening to their radios.

301
Their kids sisters used to,
like, follow me, spitting at me,

fucking with me, talking
shit to me, you know.

Meanwhile, the whole
time, their brothers,

who were like
straight gangbangers,

were just, like, sitting
there laughing, waiting for me

to do something bad so
that they could, like,

stomp me into the ground.

309
One of the first times
I got high on anything

was because the gang
on my block forced

me to huff glue with them, or
they were gonna kick my ass.

They, like, held a
bag over my face,

and they were like,
keep breathing until you

can't breathe anymore.

316

Well, you know what?

I couldn't understand
a lot of the work

because it was so different
for me that I kinda--

I kinda gave up.

322

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

325

(SINGING) In your life he
said do you ever see light

MAN: Harley, you're by
far the youngest member

of the band, about half--

Not by that far.

Definitely yes, yes.

Yes, I am.

MAN: How on earth
are you playing

in a band at the age of 13?

Because I'm so great.

WOMAN: He's got connections.

Now, um--

[LAUGHS]

- because I'm a
good drummer, I guess.

I'm also-- I'm
related to Denise.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

342
DENISE MERCEDES: He's my nephew.

344
I started playing in
the very late '60s.

I think Rose had a
guitar in the house

and started to teach
myself guitar chord.

And then punk
changed my perception

of what rock and roll could
be and, in my life, should be.

[ROCK MUSIC]

We were punks, and we
were on the punk scene.

We lived punk, we loved punk,
and that's what we were.

So when I started
with the Stimulators,

I started writing some
songs, fast songs,

putting this band together.

Harley was also
attending rehearsals

and was learning the songs.

He already was a musician.

We were going to
a gig in Philly.

We're getting ready to leave.

Our drummer, Blitz, where
the fuck is this guy?

Can't find him anywhere.

It's like, OK,
Harley, guess what?

You're the drummer.

[ROCK MUSIC]

366
KEITH MORRIS: I remember
them having a female guitar

player, which was totally cool.

But the most impressive part
about the Stimulators was

the fact that they
had this, like,

little 11-year-old
kid playing drums.

That's fucking happening.

Yeah.

(SINGING) I said go, please go

Oh, god, can't you see

Let me tell you about when
I first met Harley, all right?

I said, who the fuck
is this little kid

up there on the drums?

[CHUCKLES]

This guy had written on the
back of his jacket, "loud,

fast rules."

And we just picked up on it.

We thought it was a
real cool sentence.

A nice slogan.

When we were
rehearsing one day,

and I started playing
really fast on the drums,

and then Denise started playing,
And then, um-- then we said, oh,

wow, this could be
loud, fast rules!

And the words fit
the music, you know.

[CHUCKLES]

Loud, fast rules.

It was not only who we were, it
was what everybody wanted to be.

It became the battle cry of the
entire New York punk movement.

[ROCK MUSIC]

395
ROGER MIRET: Their
sound was amazing.

Their attitude was just perfect.

And little Harley back
there just playing drums.

It was just mind-blowing.

It was like, if you
put on a blender, right,

and you threw a bunch of rocks
in there, that's what it was.

It was like all this
shit just coming at you,

smacking you in the face.

I wanted to be Harley Flanagan.

KATE SHELLENBACH: I
think the first time

I saw the Stimulators
was at this place

called the Chew and Sip Deli.

Harley was playing
the drums, and he was

like so stylish and so cute.

The spiky hair, and
it's like Sid Vicious

chain around his neck.

He would just like,
get up off the seat.

He would play so hard, and
because the drums were so big,

or the cymbals were up
so high, and just having

such a good time.

416
I think, you know, a lot of
us just decided to start bands

right then and there.

419
When Beastie Boys first
started writing songs,

and we were kind of just making
fun or just copying other bands,

definitely
Stimulators was, like,

had the formula that you
could write a great punk song,

and it was, like, fast.

And then it would, like,
quiet down and just

be like a skank part where
everybody could just, you know,

do this.

And then-- then a
sing-along chorus.

(SINGING) [INAUDIBLE]
like a dead party

[INAUDIBLE] like
you would never know

Things really exploded because
everybody had to see the kid.

They were in love with him.

And that was very courageous
for somebody 11 or 12 years old.

It's a tremendous
responsibility.

[PUNK ROCK MUSIC]

436
We traveled, we went
to the Carolinas,

people lost their fucking minds.

We were thanked for bringing
punk rock to the south.

We played with the best and
the brightest of everybody.

We played with Madness,
The Cramps, the Bad Brains.

[PUNK ROCK MUSIC]

443
[DRUM BEATING]

DARRYL JENIFER: Check it out.

446
(SINGING) This is my new gig.

Check it out.

So I got these files.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: The first time
I saw you guys play, it was,

like, confusing.

I was like, oh, my--
like, what just happened?

It was like-- the
first note, and then it

was just like an explosion.

My body didn't even
know how to react to it.

I was just like, oh, shit!

Like-- Growing up, he
were like the big brother

that you wished you had.

DARRYL JENIFER: He
would get on my nerves.

And, you know,
Harley's a rascal.

Like he would try to take
my hat off or some shit,

you know, in a soundcheck where
I'm trying to be cool or what--

I'm Rastaman, or whatever.

We stayed up in their house.

I was at his grandmother's
house when he was a little kid.

First thing he would
do when he'd see me

would be, like, grab
me and throw me down

and get me in a headlock
and start fucking me up.

And, you know, even at
my grandparents' house,

we had these motherfuckers
over for Christmas.

And, you know, my
grandfather was

a musician, and so he was very
impressed with these guys.

And--

I remember your grandpa.

Yeah, man.

And I'm in the back room.

I remember this shit
like it was yesterday.

I spent like an hour setting up
this war, had all my soldiers

on everything.

I'm a little kid, right?

So I've got my fucking
shit all set up.

Darryl walks in
behind me and goes--

[LAUGHS]

- and then came a bomb--

boom!

And hit the fucking table,
and everything's like, bram!

Motherfucker!

Fuck, Darryl!

Oh, man.

But just like, you know,
I think back to that,

and it just fucking
warms my heart.

[MELANCHOLIC MUSIC]

The brotherly love that
I got from this dude

was so meaningful
at a time when--

when my life was actually really
kind of rough and difficult.

LUCY SANTE: I moved in
across the hall from them.

They were all jammed
into an apartment

that was smaller than mine.

I met him when he was 12.

He was like the Artful
Dodger or something.

There was just that kind
of energy about him.

He was on the loose.

I think he spent a
lot of his nights

away from home, even
at that young age.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

507
HARLEY FLANAGAN: By night,
I was going to clubs

and hanging out with mostly
adults and mostly people

who were, like, considered
iconic, cool, legendary

musicians and whatever,
and this and that.

512
MARIA RESNICK: I documented
the whole punk scene.

I took pictures of
people backstage.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

516
The Clash concert
at the Palladium,

it was the first time they
ever played in New York.

And I went backstage,
and I saw Andy Warhol

talking to Joe Strummer,
and I took the picture.

In those days, you
couldn't see the photograph

that you took until after you
developed it in a darkroom.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

524
It was the kind of photo
that I was always opting for.

It had a surprise in it.

It was not like any other
person's photo of Andy Warhol

and Joe Strummer, for sure.

I didn't really realize
Harley was in the frame.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

531
The gigs he got to see,
the people he got to meet--

crazy!

[SOMBER MUSIC]

535
Like probably by 13, he had
seen a whole lot of stuff

that maybe someone of
that age can do without.

538
The first time I took LSD was
with Adam Yauch from the Beastie

Boys.

And we wound up going
to see Clockwork Orange.

542
And it was just a really
fucking weird, weird night.

I was probably, like, 13.

I only ate, like, a half a hit.

Just give him a half a
hit 'cause he's a kid.

547
ANTHONY BOURDAIN: I know
you from The Stimulators.

That-- that blew my mind when
you told me that you saw us

play.

ANTHONY BOURDAIN: I
remembered, you know,

standing out front of Max's
Kansas City in, like, 1980--

and try to get
in, and, you know,

and, who's this fucking
13-year-old kid who's just

walking through
walls, getting served?

How come he gets to--

what-- what-- how have the
laws of the universe changed

that allow this kid to
move in a grown-up world?

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

(SINGING) You pack it in today

[DISTURBING MUSIC]

562
HARLEY FLANAGAN:
Everybody's, like,

getting totally fucked up, and
people are getting blowjobs,

and fucking, shooting up, and
doing all kinds of fucking

craziness all over the place.

And-- and then there's this
little kid walking around,

like, bumming quarters
for the pinball machine.

[DISTURBING MUSIC]

570
HARLEY FLANAGAN: I was
molested as a kid many times.

Mostly by females.

So, you know, you
somehow convince yourself

that that's OK--

when you're 13, and they're
19 or 20 or whatever--

eh.

577
Me and my friends
used to cut school,

and there was this one weed
dealer in the neighborhood,

like older dude.

He had a big-ass fucking
dog, scary-ass Great Dane.

He had guns and made
sure we knew he had guns.

We'd go to his house,
smoke weed, get drunk.

And one day, he invited me
over, and I was by myself.

585
I don't know if I got drugged
or what the fuck, but like,

next thing, I'm in this
motherfucker's bedroom,

and he's on my back, my
little 13-year-old ass back.

I just remember,
like, tensing up.

My whole body was closing
my ass, basically.

This fucking scumbag
blew his load on my back.

592
All of a sudden, I realized
I was just a helpless--

you know, there ain't
nothing you can do.

595
I buried that shit
so hard, so deep.

597
And that pushed me, really,
to the dark, dark place.

[WATER GUSHING]

600

LAURA LEE FLANAGAN: His
mother quite candidly

said, parents get in the way.

Kids-- kids are intuitive.

They can do it on their own.

They don't need us to
tell them what to do.

They can figure it out
better than we can.

We get in the way of them.

609
Incredible philosophy.

MAN: There was a different time.

It was a stupid time.

It was dumb.

It's not smart.

615
There's a reason why animals
survive in the wild and why they

don't.

That's the stuff of parenting.

If you don't have that, you die.

Or you're so lucky
that you squeak through

because you happen to be
a very talented musician.

And that helps lead you a little
ways down the path to survival.

623
[ROCK MUSIC]

625

627
DENISE MERCEDES: We got
over to Northern Ireland

to play Belfast's first
ever punk new wave festival.

630
Northern Ireland,
they've been fighting

a civil war for 400 years.

DENISE MERCEDES: What
they call the troubles

between the Catholics
and the Protestants--

[INDISTINCT SCREAMING]

636
- it was punk rock
that was bridging

all of this negative energy
with the young people.

INTERVIEWER: What about coming
from New York to Belfast?

Were you still nervous
about coming here?

From what I
heard, I thought it

would be like people shooting
each other all over the place,

but it's really nice.

I like it here a lot.

And in New York, if you ask
somebody what the time is,

they'll mug you.

INTERVIEWER: What about the
other kids at school, Harley?

What do they think about you
being away playing with a band?

They hate me.

Mostly because I'm white, not
because I'm playing in a band.

See, it's all-- it's
all these Puerto Rican

kids that don't like me.

[ROCK MUSIC]

654
I remember we did a
show at Ulster Hall.

There must have been well over
a hundred people fighting,

and I had never seen
anything like that.

Like, we were on stage
when the riot started.

These dudes didn't give
a fuck, man, you know.

And you wound up with cops
just pouring into the place,

and it just--

it was insane.

663
In New York, I
was used to seeing

punk rockers getting beat up.

Here, I was seeing all these
punks and skinheads fighting--

fighting with the cops.

These cops are fucking
machine guns over here.

They're not even
like regular cops.

I was so used to seeing white
kids at the bottom of the food

chain in the streets, you know.

And I was like, whoa,
like, these dudes are not,

like, they're not
taking no shit.

And I was like, wow,
this is fucking awesome.

And I identified with that, and
in particular, the skinheads.

676
You know, they shaved my
head, and they told me,

go back to America and
teach them about skinheads.

And I did.

680
GLEN FRIEDMAN: When Harley came
back and he had a shaved head,

he was like a tough
guy, you know.

Skinheads at that time
to us were still not

the violent national
front, you know.

[DRUM BEATS]

MAN: What's the scar, boy?

Skinhead.

GLEN FRIEDMAN: Scar people, the
mod scene and stuff like that,

and-- and the fashion had a
lot to do with it back then.

It was a way to
separate yourself.

But I think that was the
beginning when we kinda saw

Harley taking a different turn.

[PUNK ROCK MUSIC]

694
Punk rock was nice.

You know, people
don't remember that.

It was fucking fun.

People didn't get into
it to beat people up.

[PUNK ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES]

700

They're cut.

Harley-- Harley's come
up with a new haircut

since he came back from Ireland.

705
HARLEY FLANAGAN: For me, it
wasn't about the-- the look.

It wasn't about the
haircut and the style.

It wasn't even about the
music, the skinhead music.

Because that shit was
just punk rock, you know.

It was this punk
rock with short hair.

To me, being a skinhead was
all about not taking any shit.

Plus, back then, people
forget, like, punk rockers was

in general were a
target because in, you

know, America, that
was what you would

hear walking down the street.

Punk rock, suck cock!

Yeah.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Yeah, you know?

And it was just like, you'd
be, like, oh, man, you know,

here we go.

And I don't-- you
know what I'm saying?

So it's like-- so I really
had to, like, earn my stripes,

and so I became problematic.

[PUNK ROCK MUSIC]

726
I was just hitting
my teens and really

inspired by bands that
the Stimulators had

been playing with--

(SINGING) When nobody
turned out to be clean

- the Bad Brains,
the Circle Jerks.

[PUNK ROCK MUSIC]

733

The Stimulators played with
you guys at Irving Plaza.

That was a fucking
game-changing gig.

That tour was amazing.

It was like the-- the first show
we played was with you guys.

When I heard that
stuff, I was like--

it was like the energy was
like-- it was like this--

like I was so young and
full of fucking Coca-Cola.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

- and just energy, and like,
13-year-old fucking I'm out

of my mind that that's--

it's speed and the quickness
and that it was that that-- so I

had to do something new.

I hate to say it,
but that was the end

of the Stimulators for me.

Because I was like--

750
I'm off to the future.

[ROCK MUSIC]

753
DENISE MERCEDES: He
put in his years.

He wants to move on.

God bless him.

He already had like 10 songs.

And not only did he write
them, but he played everything.

He played the drums, he played
the guitar, he played the bass,

and he was writing the words.

I'm like, who ever heard
of a kid masterminding

a project like this?

And I said, OK, let's go
to a recording studio,

and let you start putting
these things down.

Our music was melodic and
he was just like, fuck that.

I'm like, badass.

I'm a hardcore and this is it.

And it was a world
of difference.

[ROCK MUSIC]

770

HARLEY FLANAGAN: I kind of
was having problems at home.

My mom's then husband, you know,
kind of gave me an ultimatum,

like, you either got to start,
you know, going back to school,

or you got to get
some kind of work,

or you got to do some
kind of something.

And I was like, fuck it.

No, I'm out, I'm out.

I'm good.

I was like, later.

And I just, you know,
started staying at squats.

782
DOMINIC CHIANESE: C-Squat was
where a lot of the street punk

rockers would just live.

785
And Harley lived there
with his pit bull.

I'll never forget it.

The dog would, like,
sit there, and like,

hear the rats running
through the walls.

And then one time, it just
darted right through the drywall

and came out with a
fucking rat in its mouth.

That kind of-- those kind
of images were-- were very--

were very, uh-- they
stuck in my mind.

Are you ready
to start filming?

NEFERTITI JONES: He found
a family that was his crew.

That was the crew that
was gonna protect you

against the stuff
that happens to you.

And even though these people
are actually pulling you

further down into
this depth of hell,

they're going down
there with you,

and you somehow
take solace in that.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: I was
living in a building

with no fucking
electricity and no water,

and I was shoplifting
to fucking feed myself.

Hey, make sure you get
Franny on this floor.

You ready?

Start filming.

So tell me when you're ready.

ROGER MIRET: We lived
in a squat together.

We pretty much roamed
all New York City.

We were running that place,
doing delinquent things.

We wanna get tattoo,
we need money.

And then we would do
dumb things, you know,

I'm not really proud of it.

And we'd go to Mikey's
Tattoo and get tattooed.

We looked out for each other.

We were a tribe, you know?

A real tribe.

(SINGING) All you do
[INAUDIBLE] up at the end

HARLEY FLANAGAN: I
wasn't a mean person,

but I had to kinda talk
myself into being worked up.

I got to take this dude's
shit just to kinda survive.

823
You raise yourself
in a wild environment.

So you're Wolf Boy, basically.

And that is the
definition of being feral,

where you just kind
of, I'll eat that.

Are you done with that?

Here, that'll be dinner.

And you get used
to it pretty fast.

SACHA JENKINS: Did you
have a jar full of teeth?

No.

OK, so I heard
that you had a jar--

HARLEY FLANAGAN: I mean--

- full of teeth.

HARLEY FLANAGAN:--I've
knocked out a lot of teeth.

I did used to save things from
people that I would stomp out.

Right.

Boots that I took off.

Skinheads that I thought were
punks and didn't have the right

to rep being a skinhead.

Why did you have a
hit put out on you?

Because I-- I fucked up
this-- one of the people who ran

the Pyramid Club.

It was just one of those dumb
nights of just stupid shit.

[WHIMSICAL MUSIC]

Welcome to the Pyramid.

848
ANDREW CASTRUCCI: The Pyramid
Club was a famous gay club.

But even hardcore
music was played there.

It was everything.

It was cabaret.

Harley and his crew
were going after people

going to the Pyramid, and, you
know, they were smoking dust.

855
The guys in the Pyramid raised
$10,000 to go after Harley.

They hired a Puerto
Rican local gang to--

to either kill Harley
or rough him up.

859
HARLEY FLANAGAN: They
were from my block.

They were from 12th Street.

You know, they knew who I was.

They knew who my mom was.

I remember being a
little kid in school,

and people talking about Pigman.

And he would pull up on
people in his blue Nova

and blast them with a shotgun.

[GUNSHOT]

869
Imagine what it feels like
when you're like 15 or 16,

and all of a sudden,
like, you know,

you basically have the boogeyman
looking for you, you know.

It's like having fucking
Freddy Krueger or some shit

having a hit on you.

875
At one time, they,
like, kicked in the door

at a friend of mine's
apartment and put guns

in people's mouths and
shit, looking for me.

879
Probably the only reason it
didn't seem as nuts as it was

is because I was always fucking
tripping on acid or fucked

up all the time.

883
Shit was getting pretty
dangerous for me.

And, you know, there was
this band playing at A7.

They were from California, and
they were leaving that night.

So I piled in the car with them,
and, you know, we headed west.

888
I wind up in San Francisco
living at the vats, an abandoned

brewery.

I was literally
staying in an air vent.

892
That's where I started doing
crystal meth and shit like that.

I was eating acid
every day practically.

Nothing about this
didn't seem normal.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

897
[ROCK MUSIC]

899

HARLEY FLANAGAN: The
lyrics were my journal.

I was starting to come of
age, writing my own songs.

I was like trying to create
my own sound of music.

904
It would be a
real motherfucking--

just a real fucking joy--

Yeah.

- to just have some fun, man.

And just play some
fucking music.

Love it.

When we focus
enough on our craft,

it doesn't matter whether the
craft is simple or complex

or what fucking style it is.

It's that within
the context of it,

you're able to articulate
your fucking self.

Sincerity.

And yourself, the
way that you feel.

You know, as a kid,
you don't really

know how to make
sense of things--

if someone's abusive
to you, the world

seems dishonest, if you're
scared to be in your own house,

like how it was for me as a kid.

I was scared to be in my house.

It was a scary fucking place.

And when I found
music and found also,

like, a community
of musicians, being

in that space where
you're playing music

and you're channeling this thing
that's way bigger than you--

Woo!

930
FLEA:--you're free.

You're tapping your highest
self, and you're expressing it.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: I'm
writing about my life,

running the streets
and getting in fights

and getting jumped and
fighting back and just

being a fucking maniac.

You know, without music,
I would have probably--

I would have definitely
ended up dead or in jail.

[TARZAN JUNGLE CALL]

940
Shut the fuck up!

Let me get one.

I got my knife.

All right, you got your knife?

It's the concrete
jungle, ain't it?

Yeah, right?

Come on.

948
[WHISTLES]

Hey!

HARLEY FLANAGAN: I was going
out with this Canadian chick

from Montreal.

She was like 18 or 19.

I was 15 years old.

And I decided to go
back there with her.

956
Now here I am in fucking
Canada, and we're, like,

staying at all kinds
of crazy places

where people aren't
even supposed to live.

960
We wound up hooking
up with these guys.

They were in their 20s.

They were skinheads.

These particular
assholes were completely

fucking out of their mind.

Pentagram tattooed
all over them.

Swastikas all over them.

They were like satanic
Nazi skinheads.

I enjoyed a fight, but I
wasn't into just, like, extreme

violence for the sake of it.

These guys were.

972
That's when it really
turned into, like,

some real, like,
Clockwork Orange shit.

975
We'd eat acid and sit around
listening to aggressive music

and just, like, getting
revved up and pumped up.

978
Stretching, doing
splits and shit,

because they know they're gonna
go out fucking fight that night.

981
We're walking down the street.

One of them, like, kicks
this dude in the fucking face

as he's walking by.

[POUNDING MUSIC]

986
I'm the last one standing.

I got this pipe in my jacket.

989
If you don't get
your hands dirty,

you know you're
next on the menu.

That's just the fucking--

that's the law of the land,
man, in that street shit.

[POUNDING MUSIC]

The chick that I
went to Canada with,

she used to go out with
one of these dudes.

So, you know, it was
only a matter of time.

He started trying to fuck
around with her again

while we were there.

Yeah.

And when she wasn't
having it, you know,

it took them a whole about--

about five minutes or so to
decide one night, you know,

fuck this kid.

[ROCK MUSIC]

The three of them
said, Harley, get up.

I go like this to get up, and
I get kicked right in the face.

She starts screaming.

She's trying to jump on
them and this and that.

One of them's holding
her, and the two

are just kicking the fucking
living shit out of me.

They took turns.

1013
And then they said,
we're going out.

When we come back, you
better fucking be gone.

We packed and got the
fuck out of there.

1017
That was the first time that
I ever got beat to the point

where I needed to
go to the hospital.

That shit was getting infected.

And, like-- like it had been
kicked around a bunch of times

by three guys wearing
steel-toed boots, you know.

Maybe that's why my
teeth look like this.

Oh, yeah, come to
think of it, I used

to have straight teeth
before I went to Canada.

No, that's bullshit.

My teeth were always fucked up.

That was a joke, people.

I'm trying to, you know, lighten
up the fucking situation here.

That same week, I got
this tattoo of the devil

grabbing the world.

He's just leaping
through the universe

and reaching out
and grabbing it.

I just felt like just the
world was going to hell--

like, everything
and everybody in it.

That's when I was just like,
you will fucking fear me.

1037
That turned me into the Harley.

1039
You look at me wrong, or for
too long, I will fuck you up.

[ROCK MUSIC]

1042
Everybody knew
that I was starting

a band called the Cro-Mags.

I was writing it everywhere.

I'd wake up at C-Squat,
come up with an idea.

I didn't have any
way to record it.

You know, we didn't
have electricity.

So a lot of times I
would go to a payphone

and call Paris and be like,
don't pick up the phone.

And I would hum a
riff into his machine,

you know, and he would
learn it and come back

and we would play it.

[ROCK MUSIC]

1055
As the Cro-Mags, we came
out of the starting gate,

crushing all the other bands.

Most of the other
bands didn't even

wanna play with us in New York
because we all were musicians.

Parris grew up listening
to rock and playing.

Mackie was also a
really good drummer,

and then John was just a
chaotic ball of energy on stage.

1063
And it wasn't really
about vocals as much

as it was about energy
and presence and attitude.

We developed a pretty strong
fan base, like, right away.

Those

Shows were packed.

We're mad.

Not even punk rock
records do it anymore.

We need stronger stuff.

Hardcore is the answer.

With hardcore
bands, it's written

by young people for young
people, so it's fresh.

It's right out of the
water onto your plate.

How can it not be infectious?

The audience is wild,
and the band is wild.

And you see four bands
doing four 40-minute sets.

And CBGB's would be
300 pounds heavier

from sweat going into the
floor at the end of a matinee.

1081
OK.

BROOKE SMITH: That was
[INAUDIBLE] [? Cass. ?]

HARLEY FLANAGAN: Yeah, I
remember all these faces.

What the fuck was that--

BROOKE SMITH: Jenny Lush.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: Jenny Lush.

Yeah.

BROOKE SMITH: I mean, I
think that my way in what--

I-- I felt that's
what I had to offer.

Like, you know, I could say,
I took pictures of you guys.

These are the ones.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: That's
my Jaco Pastorius bass.

BROOKE SMITH: So
these are the ones

I was talking about
that were not--

HARLEY FLANAGAN: Irving Plaza.

BROOKE SMITH: They were
totally blown out before.

And then when I rescanned
them, they got better.

I still have those boots.

BROOKE SMITH: You do?

They have fucking teeth
marks, and the steel toes,

and everything.

I'm like fucking red
braces, plaid shirt.

Fucking hell, man.

I'm like--

BROOKE SMITH: I guess
you knew your audience.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

I grew up in Rockland
County, and I

would take the bus
into the city, and then

the train downtown to Westport.

And then I would get
out and walk east.

I wanted truth.

And everybody was real,
they weren't full of shit.

1114
It's just so wild to me that
we all just somehow found

each other.

1117
How did no one see?

How did no one say, are you OK?

You know?

So many of us had come
from alcoholic parents

or whatever sexual abuse
stuff was happening.

How many people in your film
have been sexually abused?

Has anyone not been?

1125
Oh.

1127
MAN: This guy's tattoo, look.

RAY CAPPO: It sort of felt
like, OK, these are my people.

Back in my school, I'm a freak.

All the people are coming from
New Jersey, or Long Island,

or Connecticut, or Queens,
and they're freaks.

And they're all coming together
for a big freak parade.

Here's to the ink.

Yeah!

That's-- is this for TV?

And now we're gonna
listen to some band

play their freaky music.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

1140
SCOTT IAN: I remember that
anticipation of, like,

knowing the Cro-Mags, literally,
are about to walk on stage

and, you know, we got to know
is gonna kick in, and it's just

like--

like it's just insanity.

All right.

We're the Cro-Mags!

SCOTT IAN: It's terrifying and
it's awesome at the same time.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

1150
I've never bungee-jumped, but
that's what I compare it to.

Because you know
in three seconds,

I might end up in the
hospital, or I might just

dance and have the, you
know, the time of my life.

But you're still
going, you're going in.

You don't care, you're going in.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

1158

BROOKE SMITH: I know that
after a show, I felt better.

Maybe it's the feeling
I get from hot yoga now.

[LAUGHS] It's so
not that feeling.

But that thing of just getting
it out, getting it out,

you know, dancing,
and sweating, and--

and raging.

[PIERCING MUSIC]

1167

INTERVIEWER: Is this about
being angry at your parents?

I'm gonna ask this
one more time.

Like, it's not the parents
that were rebelling against.

This is more like--

authority who tries
to just, like, cram

all kinds of materialistic,
like, bogus views

down our throats
since, like, childhood.

When I go to a show,
we don't sit around

and talk about what
our parents are saying,

or how school is going.

I don't know, I mean--

we're-- you know, I mean, we're
there to-- to have a good time,

you know, with our friends,
seeing bands that we like.

What do you-- what
you plan to do--

I play bass with the Cro-Mags.

We got an album coming out, too.

1185
[ROCK MUSIC]

JOE NELSON: We would
go off into the weekend

night, and the Cro-Mags
Age of Quarrel,

that would be our anthem.

I first discovered the
Cro-Mags as a teenager.

So I grew up in suburban
Southern California.

Pop that tape into
the car, and, like,

we're listening to Age of
Quarrel on repeat all night.

It was so raw and brutal.

JOCKO WILLINK: When I
first heard Age of Quarrel,

I was like, oh, this is
what I've been looking for.

Because what are
you gonna listen to?

The Eagles, Boston, or
REO Speedwagon, right?

That's-- that's not in my head.

I-- I hear it, it's a thing, but
it doesn't fit in there right.

Here the Cro-Mags,
and you go, oh, yeah,

this is what's in my head.

[ROCK MUSIC]

1204
HARLEY FLANAGAN:
My first big break

was when we went on
tour with Motorhead.

1207
You know, it opened us
up to a different crowd.

All of a sudden, you
had a lot of metalheads

discovering hardcore.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

1212
And what really
changed everything

was the-- we got no
video because that

showcased what hardcore was all
about for the first time on MTV.

[ROCK MUSIC]

1217
[CROWD CHEERING, WHISTLING]

1219
IAN MACKAYE: The New York
scene was really aggro,

like skinhead being bruisers.

It was absurd that
people had to get beat up

over their fucking shoelaces.

Like skinheads didn't like
red shoelaces, or just

any reason to fight.

RAY CAPPO: Shit can
go down in any moment.

One particular story
I remember of Harley

threatening this guy with a
chair leg and a nail in it.

Something about
stealing the guy's boots

and beating them anyway.

1231
MAN: I didn't come to hardcore
for physical intimidation.

I came to hardcore
to be inspired,

to look at kids, white,
Black, green, and other,

who were doing things, who were
making things or making zines.

They were making music.

They were booking shows.

So I benefited from that.

1239
That's what I took
from hardcore.

I didn't take the thug shit.

Fuck, I got thug shit all
day in my neighborhood.

Why would I want thug shit from
a bunch of white dudes anyway?

I think there's something
to white male identity

and manifest destiny that white
dudes got to go at each other,

to be the top dog
or the top banana.

1247
NEFERTITI JONES: I remember
going to Cro-Mags at CBGB's.

It just felt very militant.

It felt very Aryan
race or something like.

It was like--

I was like, wow, this is
a little too white for me,

a little too skinhead for
me, a little too freaking

angry for me.

And not that Harley wasn't
still, of course, nice,

but he just-- he
wasn't like, hey, Nef!

It was like, hey, cool, thanks.

Thanks-- you know.

HENRY ROLLINS: That's the period
of time where I kind of didn't

wanna know that guy.

You're a dangerous dude.

You're gonna end up in jail.

You're gonna end up dead.

Like, you're really
on the edge, man.

IAN MACKAYE: I will say that,
as fucked up as he has been,

I always thought that
he had a good heart.

I just felt like
he's a good guy,

and I'm sorry that
his armor is so heavy.

I think everybody should try
to be a little bit more aware

of, you know, of their
past, and their present,

and-- and the future, and about
their relationship with God.

The big thing about the
Cro-Mags isn't just their live

set, it's the fact that two
of them follow Hare Krishna.

Well, yeah, we-- he used to
live at the temple for a long

time.

We all, you know, we
all read Bhagavad Gita,

and the scriptures are really
a good guideline because it's

like the oldest source
of knowledge in it,

and it really stands
strong, and up to,

and very relevant to
what's happening today.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

1282
I think the Krishna
thing in New York

was a reaction to what
the Bad Brains were

doing with Rastafarianism and
sort of this consciousness.

And it was probably
a little bit more

easy to get with
if you were white.

The music of the
Cro-Mags is so powerful,

and they were such
charismatic dudes

that really inspired other
people in the hardcore scene

to learn about it and
become a part of it.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: It's just
like an ancient way of thinking

that gave some kind of hope.

1294
It was one of the first
parts of me that--

steering myself away from
the extreme violence of--

1297
RAY CAPPO: Youth of Today,
my band, was playing,

and Harley missed
our performance

because he got in a
fight with somebody.

And after the show, he called
me to come walk with him.

He pulls out his stick
with a nail in it,

and he starts rapping
it against his hand.

And I was like, it could go
real south real quick right now.

1305
And he starts preaching to me
that we could die at any moment.

And the illusion of the
world is that we think

we're gonna live forever--

but it's just not true.

Whack, whack, whack.

1311
And then we started walking down
into the First Avenue subway

station.

1314
He doesn't let up
his preaching to me

about transcendental spiritual
philosophy of the ancient gold

standard of spirituality.

And now, it's getting passed on
to me in a dirty subway station

by a guy who looks
like a human pit bull.

1320
He goes, you got
to learn compassion

before you can advance
in spiritual life.

So we see spirit in
every living being.

After that beautiful soliloquy,
he jumps the turnstile,

and the lady at the
subway booth was like,

hey, get back here,
pay your fare!

1327
So he just looks at the
lady and goes, F you!

1329
That was my introduction
to the spiritual philosophy

of the east.

And it was sort of a seed which
changed the entire trajectory

of my life.

We're all brothers
and sisters.

Is this not the truth?

CROWD: Yeah!

Is there any need for all
this nonsense, all people?

You got short hair, I got long
hair, this, that-- fuck that!

We're all brothers, right?

[PUNK ROCK MUSIC]

1341

1343
It was strange to be
successful, and we're

pretty much all still broke.

1346
We give you the
rundown of a band.

It's like the-- the
rehearsal studio gets paid.

The recording studio gets paid.

The record label gets paid.

The-- everyone that
works around us--

The lawyer gets paid.

- the lawyer gets paid.

The manager gets paid.

The clubs get paid.

Everybody gets paid
first, and then the band.

And so a lot of times--

By the time we get
paid, we're lucky if we

can afford breakfast.

So that's why you got to
play because you want to,

and because you, as a
person, you have to--

to, like, feel whole.

I mean, if I stopped
playing music, I would like,

I'd fizzle away and die
somewhere like a bum.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

My life and John's in particular
were pretty stressful.

We were like couch-surfing,
and staying in squats,

and to feel like you're
kind of getting ripped off

and all that stuff.

1371
As time went by,
I think it created

a lot of tension between
all of us as a band and--

and as friends, and
everything else, you know.

1375

When I was starting to really
get fucked up on heroin,

my mom started
flipping out, and she

starts, like,
blaming it on-- it's,

you know, the
girlfriend you're with.

I'm just like, you know what?

It's like, maybe I don't
wanna be a fucking rock star.

You ever fucking
think about that, Mom?

Maybe I'm tired of fucking
living up to every fucking body

else's expectations.

Maybe I just wanna
fucking be a scumbag,

and fucking shoot drugs, and
fucking OD, and fuck everybody.

1388
It's hard to be that type
of an intense person,

and to go to such
extreme emotional dumps.

1391
And drugs become
an easy way to deal

with fame and the confusion of
popularity and the depression.

It's a heavy thing to go from--

[IMITATES SCREAMING]
to the silence

of your room and your mind.

1397
I'd been seeing this
chick for a while,

and we were both really
fucked up on drugs.

It was just spiraling.

And I knew that if I didn't
get the fuck out of town

and get away from her that
I was gonna end up dead.

So I split town.

1404
And while I was on the West
Coast, she got in touch with me

and told me that she
had contracted AIDS

and that she was about
to have a daughter.

Then she tells me
that it might be mine.

And all I could think
about was this unborn child

that was probably not gonna know
anything about their mother.

I came back to New York,
the kid had been born,

and I started taking
care of the mother.

The other potential
father candidate

who wound up being her
father, was a crackhead.

And I'm like this-- this
kid has got nothing.

She's got nothing.

I decided to clean up,
so I started jogging.

And she abandoned the kid at
a fucking crack house one day.

And I went to that fucking crack
house, and I took that child,

and all these crackheads
were in there fucking--

you can't take the
baby, you can't take--

I said try to stop
me, motherfucker.

Just try.

And I raised her for the
first three years of her life.

[LIGHT MUSIC]

1426

I was so attached to
her, I loved her so much.

And, um-- and then
the grandparents

really didn't want me involved.

So I remember the last time I--

I left her there with them, and
she was crying hysterically.

Please, Daddy, don't
go, Daddy, don't go.

1434
I still hear it,
though, you know.

I could have
relapsed that night.

I could have fell right on my
face listening to that kid cry

and beg for me not to leave her.

I said, you know what?

I saved her.

And if the one good thing that
comes out of that besides that,

it's gonna be that I
stay off fucking heroin.

1443
I'd rather die fighting
than die because I gave up,

because you just don't
know what is coming ahead.

It can really suck for a long
time, but you may get to a place

where, all of a sudden,
everything changes.

1448
I take the train to
work, and, uh, you know,

like every other New
Yorker, you know?

1451

Look at that.

He bridges towards me,
brings his leg over.

That knee drives
towards the ground.

He posts up on his left
and pulls that arm out.

Now he's in good position
to go to side control.

Jiu-jitsu teaches
you to channel,

to drive your
aggressivity, which--

this is the strength
that moves you forward,

that drives you forward,
that makes you conquer,

that makes you fall in love,
that makes you drive forward

to achieve.

Knee over-- yes,
just like this.

Post with this arm
and pull it out.

Pull it out!

Yeah!

I've seen Harley on every
situation on this life.

We've been friends for 25 years.

He didn't have direction
when I met him know.

You know, his intensity
was everywhere.

It's like sometimes, you-- you--
the wrong friends, the insecure,

because people don't understand.

Who is violent?

Insecure people, you know.

And I saw Harley
completely changed here.

I'm going for this leg.

You go here.

Here, you can step
forward when you do it.

Go back again.

Now look first, in
front of my face.

OK?

Step here.

Replace, reinforce.

Yes!

Yeah, cover those two toes.

See, I want my--

yes, elbows in.

OK.

Easy, easy.

Yes.

Once I'm here, I come behind it.

Make a fist.

Here, look, I'm gonna
do it very easy.

Let's say I go to put my
knuckle straight back behind me.

I'm gonna go easy.

Yeah, yeah.

Yes, motherfucker.

When I first started training
at Renzo's, it was, I guess,

January or February of '96.

I had just fucking
kicked, smack.

I was like big--

I'd been all fucked up on
crystal meth, and angel dust,

and fucking all that.

You looked fucking nutty.

I was a mess.

That 10 year period that I
started training and getting

my life together,
Half the motherfuckers

that I know in music were,
like, fucking dropping dead.

[RHYTHMIC MUSIC]

1512

If a band sticks
around long enough

to become a brand or anything
that has any lasting value,

you know, things
are gonna change.

I mean, it's hard enough
for people to stay married.

My life really changed
when I became a father.

Being around my sons was
really important for me.

I wanted to be, for them,
what I really didn't have.

1521
The band actually never
really fell apart.

There was like a
brief period of time

that I was raised with
my kids, and there was a,

you know, a masquerade
going on of the band.

1526
When you're young,
everybody's got a fucking ego,

everybody's, you know.

For John to take over Cro-Mags
in the eyes of the fans,

he had to put dirt on me.

I had a kid, and I
couldn't go on tour,

and the motherfucker
booked the whole tour

and started touring without me.

[PUNK ROCK MUSIC]

1535
A stabbing melee broke out in
the middle of the CBGB festival

Friday night when
Harley Flanagan,

former bassist and founding
member of the Cro-Mags,

showed up at his old band's
gig at Webster Hall in New York

City.

MAN: There's like
a hardcore fest.

It's like a reunion fest
bringing back a bunch of old

bands, and the Cro-Mags--

I should say, a formation
of the Cro-Mags or members

of the Cro-Mags--

HARLEY FLANAGAN: Oh, man, you
can just call it the Faux-Mags.

Let's just keep it real, man.

MAN: They were gonna play--

A fake-ass band that does
my songs with one of the old

members, you know.

MAN: And they were gonna play?

Yes.

1553
HARLEY FLANAGAN: When
I went to Webster Hall,

I went after teaching a
jiu-jitsu class, you know.

I went straight from work.

I actually had passes.

I was put on the guest list
by one of the promoters.

Everybody knew I
was gonna be there.

I mean, things were going pretty
good for me at that moment,

I thought.

I actually had like this
crazy idea that if I saw John,

you know, we'd, you know,
recognize something there.

You know what I mean?

This is a guy that
I, you know, was

pretty tight with growing up.

I mean, we used
to live in squats.

We went through a lot
of shit, you know.

We used to have
to steal together.

We survived.

You know, we were
out there hustling.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

1573
Once fucker comes up to me,
gives me a hug and says,

you know I always
had love for you.

Let's go talk to John, man.

Let's go squash this shit.

This has been going
on for way too long.

We walked to the dressing room.

The one guy opens the door.

I walk in, and I get punched
from the side, punched

from the other side.

It was a complete and
total fucking setup.

John went out, stood on
the other side of that door

listening, and right before
they closed the door,

my friend said he saw all those
dudes gathering around the door

to jump on me when I walked in.

(SINGING) Friends like you

Who needs enemies

HARLEY FLANAGAN: I
got fucking stabbed.

Do you think I'm
gonna go by myself

and attack a fucking
room full of people?

This ain't a fucking
Jackie fucking Chan movie--

MAN: Right.

- you know?

JOE NELSON: The way it
was depicted in the media,

Harley took a knife, fucking
charge to Webster Hall,

ran up the stairs and
was stabbing everyone,

like, I'm fucking killing
everyone in this fucking place.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: I got cut, too.

I'm just lucky that I had
a fucking knife in my bag,

you know.

And people will say, why did
you have a knife or whatever?

I always have a
fucking knife on me.

You know, I had that-- it's
a fucking tool, you know.

I use it for all kinds of shit.

I got one on me right now.

I'm on my couch.

[LAUGHS]

1610
Flanagan was transported
to the hospital.

Cops charged him with two
counts of second-degree assault

and weapons charges.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: So I went from
the hospital, to the Tombs,

and then, eventually, to Rikers.

[RHYTHMIC MUSIC]

1617
So I'm in my cell,
and all of a sudden,

I get told that
I have a visitor.

I got legal counsel there.

1621
LAURA LEE FLANAGAN: I
was incredibly nervous.

I'd never been to a
jail, or a prison,

or any situation
like that before.

1625
There's a plastic
table, a plastic chair,

and a bulletproof glass.

And I was sitting
there, and then I

started to think to
myself, what are you doing?

Why are you here?

Suddenly, you're
in Rikers Island,

waiting for Harley Flanagan,
who, by all accounts,

just did some really,
really grave things.

1634
I actually met Harley for
the first time back then.

1636
I walked his crazy dog,
which was like a thing.

He doesn't remember.

I was just another kid.

1640
We were on completely
different life tracks.

I was in school.

I went to college.

I received my PhD.

And then I went to law school.

At one point, I started an
online magazine called New York

Natives, and I
interviewed Harley for it.

At the time, he sent me what
he called a draft of his book,

and I agreed to
help him edit it.

And we became good friends.

And when I heard
about Webster Hall

and that he was at Rikers, I--

I knew I had to help.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: I
go up there, and I'm

sitting in the room waiting
for my attorney to come in.

And Laura walks in.

I was in my-- my little
Upper East Side uniform,

my white blouse and polka
dot skirt, and really,

really out of place.

You don't do this kind of law.

I was like, you're right.

I-- [LAUGHS] I don't.

I don't do this type of law.

He's like, I wasn't
expecting you.

I was expecting my
public defender.

You know, I'd been speaking
to her that day that that shit

happened, you know, like,
literally leading up

to the-- to the event.

So she knew that what was
being said was not true.

LAURA LEE FLANAGAN:
All of what they

were saying to create
this monstrous version

of some mad man wielding a
knife, and I knew all of it

was bullshit.

And I don't like lies.

1675
HARLEY FLANAGAN: I was
looking at up to three years.

The mother of my kids
had just left me,

threatening that I was never
gonna see my kids again.

So it was like, I'm
never gonna see my kids.

1680
LAURA LEE FLANAGAN: The
stories kept changing.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: Every
fucking one of them

gave a conflicting testimony.

LAURA LEE FLANAGAN:
By the third hearing,

our attorney
basically said, this

is gonna get thrown out
because the prosecutor can't

find any credible witnesses.

1688
Even though the
charges were dropped,

the emotional toll was horrible.

It was a dark, dark period.

1692
And we wound up becoming
very attached to each other.

1694
We had both been in
long relationships,

and mine was coming to
a sad end, as was his.

Harley was in need of support.

He didn't have people
rallying around him.

In fact, most were running
the opposite direction.

1700
We were all together
on a life raft,

doing our best to keep
life as sane as we could

for his kids, who needed
any form of stability.

1704
HARLEY FLANAGAN: Thank you.

Thank you, thank
you for letting me

LAURA LEE FLANAGAN: I don't
know about all these people.

I don't know about all these
people, but I don't know.

I know.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: You
can love someone and not

have it be a healthy
relationship.

You could fall in love
with somebody that brings

the worst things out of you.

It's the first
healthy relationship

I've ever been in-- in my life.

1716
I feel like I have fallen in
love with the absolute right

person because she
makes me wanna live.

1719
In my pocket, what you want?

1721
LAURA LEE FLANAGAN:
It's relentless.

OK.

Thank you.

1727
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC]

1729

1731
I really didn't get
my kids into music

because I was
honestly a little bit

afraid of my own experiences.

I actually thought, that,
like jiu-jitsu or MMA

would be a better career choice.

I was like, it's safer.

It's safer to get
punched in the face

than it is to deal with,
like, the rock and roll

insanity for your whole life.

1741
As I move forward
in my training,

I'm trying to be very
realistic about shit, you know.

Especially after I got stabbed.

You know, because
that-- then I started

really getting into the mindset
of jiu-jitsu is for my friends.

Fighting is when you start
fucking sticking your thumb all

the way into someone's eyeball,
you know, and shit like that.

1749
JOCKO WILLINK: He's
trying to process

this completely chaotic life
filled with mayhem and violence

and abuse.

The sadness isn't gonna go away.

The trauma is not gonna leave.

But once you
understand that there's

this trauma in your
head, there are

moves that you can
make to overcome

those traumatic experiences
that you've had.

1759

You know how many thoughts
you think in a day, friend?

60,000 or 70,000
thoughts every day,

and 90% of them are the same
exact thoughts day in, day out.

It's, like, we got to break
the habit of being ourselves,

you know.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: To be the
character in that movie

that I was, I had to, like, go
into that violent head set so I

couldn't turn my brain off.

Like, I would just have,
like, images of violence,

just fucking, like,
playing in my brain,

and repeat, and repeat,
and repeat, and repeat,

and repeat until I just, like,
I couldn't fucking take it.

It's just like-- and that's
when I, like, start fucking,

like, missing the
heroin and shit.

Just go bang, and then like,
you're-- you're asleep,

and you're just like,
wherever you are,

and you're fucking warm and
fuzzy and you're not afraid

and angry and--

MICHAEL IMPERIOLI: But
you're not really living?

No, you're not-- you're--
you're practically dead there,

you know.

For some reason, you
wound up doing that movie,

and you had that
experience, and it's

opened up this, you know, a lot
of things that you're looking

at, and, you know,
evolving, changing, healing

all these things.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: I had an
incident the other night,

like, just like walking my dog,
having an exchange with someone.

This asshole had
a dog on a leash,

but all of a sudden, his
dog comes flying at me,

barking and trying
to attack my dog.

And like, I didn't see
this fucking thing coming.

My dog's like, whoa!

And I'm like, whoa,
like trying to hold him.

I just look at the dude, and
I'm, like, mumbling to myself,

you know, you could hold
that motherfucker better.

And this guy starts in with
the, you saying something, man?

You saying something?

And I wind up getting so
fucking angry from walking away.

1800
I've gotten so far
from where I was.

Where I am now, it's like
fucking night and day.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

You know, my life really is in
the best place it's ever been.

I just got to stay on the
trajectory of mine, you know.

Stay focused, stay positive.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

1808
I think, ultimately,
the goal is, you know,

if you can be at
peace with yourself,

you know, if you can know
that the people you love,

you know, they
know you love them,

and you can leave
something behind

for them, besides just
a memory, you know.

Then you've-- you did good.

1816
I guess you can
probably figure out

by now that this is a cheapo
guitar and a cheapo tape

recorder, and I just
put together something

just so I could send it to you.

I got the blues.

I had the blues
for 25 years now,

and I've had them just on
account of what a rotten ass

I was back in the day.

I've been battling alcohol
since I quit heroin.

I quit alcohol for 14 months,
and then I went off on a bender

because I couldn't find
nobody to love or to care for.

And a man just ain't made
to be alone in this world.

But I guess that's what
I got coming for what

I've been in this life.

1831
So I only actually ever got,
like, two letters from my dad.

One of the letters
was a cassette.

It was recorded
at a halfway house

that he was living
at at the time.

It was kind of hard
to hear, especially

knowing how he eventually
died, you know.

It's like he was still
pretty much on the street.

And, you know, he died from a
fire that he set in a dumpster,

trying to keep warm.

1841
I don't have any memories
of him in-- in his life,

but I did bury him
with my own hands.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

1845
I was actually very
lucky that the--

the last year of
her life, me and her

were able to put a
lot of that behind.

That's beautiful.

You're lucky.

I mean, I'm just--

I thank God, or the
universe, or whatever.

I just am so grateful that I was
able to finally just love her.

I just wish it would
have happened sooner.

1855

I've never been
to a punk show,

so this is kind of a
cool beginning to that.

When I moved back to
New York, I was like 16,

and I'd see people wearing
T-shirts that say Cro-Mags.

I would google it,
and I found out

that they were way bigger
than I thought they were.

1863
HARLEY FLANAGAN: She
basically tracked me down.

I kind of lost touch after
her grandparents took custody.

1866
I just didn't know if I was
really supposed to, like,

stay in touch.

[CHATTER]

1870
Tell me about that picture.

I've never been to Ireland,
so I have to do it.

So we have two joints going.

Because two is better than one.

HARLEY FLANAGAN: It meant a lot
to me that she came to find me,

you know.

She actually came
out on tour with us

not that long ago in the States.

You know, her and my son were
working the merch together,

it was kind of funny.

1881
MAN: Flanagan!

1883
This is what 55 is supposed
to look like, motherfuckers.

[CHEERS, APPLAUSE]

1886
You fucking better
live every fucking day

like you mean it
because you don't know

when it's gonna be your last.

CROWD: Woo!

HARLEY FLANAGAN: That means
every day you fucking love life.

You show your love for the
people that matter to you,

and you do that by being strong.

You do that by not
giving up no matter

what the fuck life hands you!

CROWD: Woo!

[PUNK ROCK MUSIC]

1898

1900
HARLEY FLANAGAN: I
don't forgive myself,

but I accept what I've done.

I think that the moment
you forgive yourself

is the moment you're fucking
devaluing the horror of what

the fuck you've
done, and you're not

accepting the responsibility
for it anymore.

1907

You know one interesting thing,
though, as far as like the--

the constant sound, I've
actually gotten to a place

where I'm able to--

1912
it's almost like my heart
rate and my breathing

become the bass and the drum,
and all the sounds around me

1915
start to become the percussion.

And you can actually hear
it all fall into place.

[GUITAR PLAYING]

1919

1921
My thoughts completely
stop, and I'm just

like hearing and waiting for
the next bird or the next noise.

1924
I've been practicing
letting that happen,

just stopping and listening to
the music of the universe and--

and my--

1928
[PANTING]

1930

1932
[STIRRING MUSIC]

1934
[CRO-MAGS, "NO ONE'S VICTIM"]

1936

Are you ready?

1939
[PUNK ROCK MUSIC]

1941

(SINGING) You can't
let circumstances

Define who you are

'Cause only death is certain

Every else optional

Your happiness depends on

In no one else but you

'Cause no one else
can live your life

Or fill your grave but you

No one's victim

Won't be a victim

You can't let your circumstances

Define who you are

'Cause only death is certain

Everything else is optional

Your happiness depends on

No one else but you

'Cause no one else
can live your life

Or fill your grave but you

1961
No one's victim

1963