Original subtitles

Hey, Sass, uh, we wanted to talk to you

about Thanksgiving.

Obviously, we normally go to Jay's parents.

Yeah, but this year, they're going on a cruise.

Apparently, my mom wants to see Alaska

more than her baby boy.

- He is a 40-year-old man. - Anyway,

we just wondered how you might feel about us

doing a small Thanksgiving here?

And why are you asking me specifically?

Um...

Jay?

I don't know what's being said.

Relax. I'm just messing with you.

Well, first off, I appreciate that

you guys even thought to ask.

And, yeah, if you want to have a dinner

to express gratitude with friends and family,

like, I'm all for it.

-He says it's okay. -But I would maybe ask

that we take some time to remember the atrocities

that were committed against my people.

And that you make that marshmallow yam thing.

Sasappis, oldest friend.

Thorfinn agrees important not to gloss over difficult history.

All of which happened long after Thor's time.

So, you're just distancing yourself?

Didn't you, like, murder thousands of people?

Yes, but in Europe, so...

-clean hands. -Okay.

This is a disgraceful display,

and I, for one, am disgusted, especially as an Irish person

who was also oppressed.

You didn't even know you were Irish.

I'm pretty sure that during

the first Thanksgiving, my ancestors

were being chased out of the shtetl

by the Cossacks, so...

Pete?

I'm from the '80s. I drove a Datsun.

Look, I think the point is, you were all taught

this idyllic story about Thanksgiving,

and obviously, there's much more to it.

Right. Well said, Sasappis.

And really, all we can do now is learn and be better,

because none of us were actually there.

Well...

I-I wasn't there, either.

Baby, you're a colonizer.

I'm gay.

Is that anything?

What-what about our Puritan friend Patience?

W-Where is she?

Patience! Patience!

We need you!

Heading to Chicago for your first book signing.

This is very exciting.

I once made it as far west

as Michigan,

but I did not have the confidence in my French

to continue on to Illinois.

I'm a little nervous.

I mean, the publisher says

we still haven't gotten the sales numbers,

and what if nobody shows up to my signing?

Then it shall be both our failures.

Though far more humiliating for you,

since you'll be there and are alive and everything.

It's gonna go great, babe, and we're gonna celebrate

with Thanksgiving dinner, which you promised

you'd be back in time for and not abandon me

like my parents did.

You pay taxes, you own a home. Cut the cord, Jay.

Are you kidding?

Our first Thanksgiving together in our own home?

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Samantha, have you reminded Jay

about turning on my sound machine while you're gone?

I know that I was born before electricity,

but now I cannot sleep

without the soothing murmurs of the rainforest.

And I need him to turn on the History Channel

tonight at 6:00 p.m.

There's an American Revolution marathon,

and dare I say, it will be the first marathon

Ben Franklin's ever been a part of.

Also, Thor need Small Man to turn on night-light.

For Flower.

Thor not at all worried about monsters under bed.

Don't worry, guys, I have given Jay

a comprehensive list of ghost tasks.

You'll be well taken care of.

Yeah, guys, don't worry, I promise to

"turn Alberta's magazine page

- every 12 minutes"? - Oh, you tell him

to double that for any Momoa-related content.

Your girl likes to savor.

Let's go, go, go. We got to get a move on, Sammy.

Oh, relax, Pete, the flight doesn't leave for three hours.

Which leaves just enough time for you to get through security,

and for me to find your pilot and make sure he's sober.

That Denzel movie? Scary accurate.

Okay, this is unacceptable.

Trevor, I asked you 15 minutes ago

to have Jay open the curtains

so that I could stare out my staring window.

He is not responding to any of our texts, Hetty.

He not even checking list.

I am hitting send on a very sternly worded warning

in which we threaten to tell Sam that he's not doing our bidding.

You see how you like this.

Ha. Okay, you can tell Sam whatever you want,

because here's what I'm telling you:

I'm not doing any of this.

He did not.

This is actually really healthy for you.

You guys have gotten spoiled

with Sam kowtowing to your every need.

Well, guess what? There's a new sheriff in town.

One that plays by his own set of rules.

I don't like this. I don't like this at all.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go upstairs

and watch whatever the hell I want on TV.

Okay.

He is diabolical.

- We need to do something. - What if we text Sam

saying the house burned down?

She'd come running back.

No, she might check in with Jay first.

Otherwise, perfect plan, no notes.

Thor think Thor have idea.

If we can't have Sam and we can't have Sam's man,

maybe we can have Man Sam.

Wait, I speak Thor.

- I think he's talking about Kyle.

-Yeah. That's what I say. -Hold on. Kyle?

The Living who can see ghosts,

who hit on Sam last time he was here?

Yeah, I don't think Jay's gonna be doing backflips

over us inviting Kyle to the house.

-Yeah, that's a good point. -Although, when you think about it,

here is the one place we know Samantha is not.

So, in a way, by having Kyle come here,

Jay should be put at ease.

-How? -Well, if Kyle is here,

then Kyle cannot be out there potentially bumping into

an unchaperoned Samantha.

So, you saying we not just bringing Man Sam to be butler,

we actually potentially saving Sam and Jay's marriage.

- Ooh. - Oh...

We are good people.

Now, let's text Kyle pretending to be Jay

and we'll deal with the fallout when he gets here.

Oh, yes.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Not-not quite done.

And-and almost there.

Okay, you can turn it.

Wait a minute. Who's Derek?

Can you go back a few pages?

Pete, are you sure you don't want to just stretch

your legs for a bit before we board?

It's kind of a long flight.

Oh. That's not a bad idea.

Maybe I'll go sample some of the smells

over at the old Cinnabon.

Dang, that's fun to say.

Cinnabon. Cinnabon. Cinnabon-bon-bon-bon.

Okay.

You know, the Cinnabon was actually

a Keychain Hut a while ago,

and there was a guy named Phil that ran it,

and Phil went to Ithaca College.

True story.

Why would I think it was fake?

Well, it's a pretty good college,

and Phil was not the best student.

Yeah, and I didn't know any of those things, Pete.

Well, now you do.

Cinnabon-bon-bon-bon-bon.

Ithaca. That's another fun one to say.

Ithaca. Ithaca-ca-ca.

Wait, who is Derek?

Hey.

I'm here. Man, that Thanksgiving traffic

is brutal.

Okay, first of all, thank you so much for coming.

-Second, please accept our apologies. -For what?

-What the hell are you doing here? -For that.

I'm confused.

You invited me.

Why would I invite you?

You made a move on my wife.

Was us. We invite you.

Now finish up saying hellos

and commence cooking food for us to smell.

Ah. The ghosts are saying they invited me.

Seriously, guys? I tell you I won't be your butler

so you call my nemesis?

Wow, "nemesis" is a far cry

from this reconciliation text I got,

which I'm now realizing must have come from Trevor,

due to the late '90s Bud Light GIF.

Wassup?

This is so embarrassing.

Jay, I will get out of your hair.

-No, please don't go. -What about Momoa?

I'm sorry, guys. I can't help you.

-What are they saying? -Just doing their typical ghost begging.

- Well, we didn't want it to come to this, Kyle,

but please tell Jay

that if he doesn't allow you to stay,

we're gonna tell Sam of how he's been eating

- since she's been away. - He's an adult.

I'm sure Sam doesn't care what he eats.

Wait, what are they saying?

Well, that doesn't sound so bad.

No, that can't be possible. For breakfast?

-Oh, no. -In the bathtub?

Four Big Dill Double Smashers in one sitting.

'Twas a feast,

but not a celebration.

Reeked of shame.

Is this about the Sonic?

It's about the Sonic.

Okay, fine, you can stay and help with ghost stuff,

but you stay out of my way.

And the bathroom is supposed to be off-limits.

Off-limits, ghosts.

-Was it Hetty? -Yeah.

Victorian perv.

Really? They tricked Kyle into coming?

I'm so sorry about that, Jay.

Whatever. Ghosts are gonna ghosts.

How'd the book signing go?

It was okay. I don't really want to talk about it.

Honestly, the hardest part has been...

...Pete.

I just never spent this much one-on-one time with him.

He's been very... annoying.

Hmm. Well, that doesn't sound like my boy.

Although, to be fair, I've never once interacted with him.

Here he comes. I got to go.

Hey, deep breaths, babe. Just a quick flight home,

and then our Thanksgiving feast awaits.

I can't wait to see you.

Aww, I can't wait to see you, either.

I'm gonna go shower with my bathing suit on.

Please hurry back. Love you.

- Love you. - Hey, Sam.

I just met a really nice ghost

over at the Hudson News.

I told her you'd look up her nephew

to see if he ever became a dentist.

-Seriously? -It's gonna take some time, too,

because she died in 1905,

so the nephew's also long dead.

-How expensive is Ancestry.com? -One short flight.

- What's that? Due to an unresolved labor dispute,

all ground crew are on strike, effective immediately.

All flights are canceled at this time.

What? No.

Fish sticks.

But look on the bright side, Sammy,

you and I are about to spend a whole lot more time together.

Fish sticks.

All right, road trip time.

This is fun. Good, clean fun.

-Uh-huh. -I think we can make it in 13 hours,

which puts us back at Woodstone just in time for turkey.

-Great. -And that's even allowing

for several brief stops for the one of us

who still needs to pee.

Now, if we really want to shave some time...

Pete, I've already said no, I'm not wearing a diaper.

Damn it, why won't this stupid phone connect?

Just put it in the cupholder facing me,

I'll keep my eye on the map, you keep your eye on the road.

Now, do you have a preference in terms of navigation voice?

Crikey! Turn left in 300 meters.

The Australian accent will be in metric.

Or I just use my regular voice.

Yikes.

Okay, Sass, your, uh, pizzas are on the way.

Pepperoni? Extra pungent?

I did ask for that. They seemed confused,

-but we'll see what arrives. -Thank you.

-Turn! -On it.

Hetty and Isaac, I know Jay

is watching football on the TV, so I downloaded

the latest season of Bodices and Barons

for you to watch on the iPad.

And you'll watch it with us?

-Shirtless? -Yeah, sure.

But not the shirtless thing.

Man Sam is true boon to the house.

Too bad Small Man hate his guts.

Seriously. It'd be great

to have you ghost-sit us whenever Sam goes out of town.

Agreed, because even my tier-one ghost power has limits.

I can poke, but I can't grab. It's probably for the best.

It wouldn't be fair.

Grabbing would make me a god.

Yeah, well, unfortunately,

I think this might be the last time I'm here.

-Turn. -It's a bummer. I really enjoy

being around Livings who know my secret,

and Jay seems like a really nice guy.

Well, what if we were able to help you mend fences with Jay?

Fence mending. Now, there's a shirtless activity

if ever I heard one.

- W-What do you mean, Sass? - Well, I mean,

you got a bunch of people right here who basically know

everything there is to know about Jay.

What if we helped you

-make inroads with him? -I'm listening.

Are you? I said "turn," like, two minutes ago.

- Oh, sorry. - Good little butler boy,

doing what we say.

-What? -I said,

"Let's help you win over Jay."

I don't understand.

This doesn't even look like a road.

-This is what the GPS said? -If GPS stands for

"good Pete suggestion," then you betcha.

-What are you talking about? -I'm saying

the robot is no match for a travel agent.

This thing was sending us straight into holiday traffic.

It didn't even know about State Road 81.

Trust me, this is a huge time-saver.

Oh!

Crikey.

Hey.

What you doing? You, uh, watching football?

-Yep. -Cool. I love football.

NFL. You got a, you got a team in this?

Nope. I'm just hoping the Cowboys lose.

Oh, yeah, me, too.

Big Giants fan. Those '80s teams

were just the greatest.

You know, Mark Bavaro, Phil Simms.

And the linebackers. LT, Pepper Johnson.

And the linebackers.

- LT, Pepper Johnson. - Whoa, Kyle.

You really know your stuff.

Thor like the Vikings.

Does Boston have a team?

What's their mascot? An alcoholic?

How about that 1990 season, when Simms got injured

in, like, the last game?

Hostetler came in and led the G-Men

on an epic Super Bowl run.

-Hostetler. Unforgettable. -Talk about the best mustache

since Magnum, P.I.

Say it.

Trust him, dude. He's gotten you this far.

Talk about the best mustache since Magnum, P.I.

Hell yeah.

Men require

such tenuous ground for friendship.

Hey, man, you want to sit down and watch the game?

Did LT end Joe Theismann's career on Monday Night Football?

Did LT end Joe Theismann's career

on Monday Night Football?

Whoa, that's dark, Kyle.

But I like it.

Go Vikings!

So loud.

Come on. Pick up.

I counted 38 rings. I don't think they're answering.

That was the last tow company in a 50-mile radius.

You know, I can't help but feel partially responsible.

-You don't say. -On the other hand,

you did sort of force me to look for a shortcut

because you refused to wear the Huggies Pull-Ups,

as I suggested.

Was it because they had dinosaurs on them?

'Cause those can be for gals, too.

Just shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up!

-Okay. -I can't take it anymore.

The tips and the quips and the stories,

and every town we passed, you knew a guy

who worked at a place who did a thing.

-I was just trying to be a good travel buddy. -The only thing

that you have done, besides get us stranded

in the middle of nowhere, is annoy the crap out of me.

I wish you weren't even here.

Well, looks like you might get your wish.

Oh, no.

We have to get you home, Pete.

-Like you even care. -I didn't mean what I said.

I was stressed out and I took it out on you.

Well, yeah, travel's stressful.

That's why people turn to qualified professionals.

Or at least, they used to.

Now it's just, "bleep-blorp, phone, bleep-bleep-blorp."

It's not just the travel or your stories, it's...

I don't know, the book.

I know it's just a Y.A. novel, but for me, it's a big deal.

And nobody showed up at the signing.

I still haven't heard anything about the sales numbers,

which doesn't seem like it bodes well.

There were a few people there.

Remember that one guy that ran in, so excited,

and he asked you that question?

He wanted the bathroom code.

-He thought I worked there. -Look,

it makes total sense that you're stressed.

But no matter how the book does, you already won.

You're a published author.

And I couldn't be prouder of you.

Thank you.

And if this is how it ends,

next to a broken-down rental car outside of Dunbridge, Ohio,

I'm just glad it's with you, Sam.

Wait a second, did you say Dunbridge, Ohio?

I remember a long time ago, you told me

a story about that place.

Yeah, I get it, I tell too many stories.

No, Pete, who was the guy you knew

who worked in Dunbridge, Ohio?

He had some sort of tour company?

Shane Johnsonbaugh.

Good man. Scratch golfer.

I remember his mother had a wooden eye.

Pete, look-- Johnsonbaugh Tour Company.

They're still in business.

Maybe they could help us.

I mean, Shane's probably long gone.

It's worth a shot.

I know, right?

Walter Payton gets all the love,

but Ottis Anderson was the man.

But how do those teams stack up

against Eli Manning's Super Bowl teams?

Oh...

Uh, that is after my time.

Uh, yeah, Manning, he was good.

- Okay, here's a fun one. - If you could take

one receiver from that team to start a new franchise with,

who you going with?

Just say

an extremely common name.

Archibald.

Or Sven.

M-Miller.

Miller? Who's Miller?

Uh, a receiver.

Oh, this is hard to watch.

Just say goodbye to our shirtless butler dreams.

Kyle, name any Giant from 2001 to 2020.

Andre.

You were using Trevor?

Do you even know anything about football?

Not in the way I think you're using it,

but I-I am a really big soccer fan.

-Oh, my God. -I'm sorry.

I just, I thought that maybe if we bonded over something,

it would help smooth things over.

Not cool, man.

And ghosts, I'm not surprised,

but I am disappointed.

Nice work, Alberta.

How is this on me?

That is what you should be saying about your hat.

Come on. Answer the phone.

Hello?

Hi. Uh, my name is Sam.

Is this Shane Johnsonbaugh who founded Johnsonbaugh Tours?

Uh, no, that was my dad. Shane Sr.

Oh, okay, well,

my car broke down on State Road 81,

and no one in the area can help me.

I was hoping...

Lady, it's Thanksgiving.

And what were you doing out on 81?

That hasn't been a road in 20 years.

-Rub it in. -Uh, sorry.

I knew it was a long shot, it's just...

...I'm a family friend of the late Pete Martino.

Pete Martino?

Forget it, Sam. I'm gone and clearly forgotten.

He was friends with your dad.

Man, I haven't heard that name

since my dad passed away ten years ago.

He loved that guy.

Said he always had the best stories.

-I'd have to agree with that. -So, wait, you said

-you're stuck? -Yeah, but...

I just need a lift to the nearest bus station.

I'm trying to get back to the Hudson Valley.

Bus station?

You know, for a friend of Pete Martino's,

I think I can do you one better than that.

Thank you, Shane!

Pete is complete!

Happy Thanksgiving, babe.

Oh, you made it.

You arrive in helicopter?

Car is a "landship," but you know "helicopter"?

Is what Skye flies in Paw Patrol,

so, yes, Thor familiar.

The house smells incredible.

Old soft hands Jay has been cooking up a storm.

Hey, Sam. Hey, Pete.

- Ky Guy. - Hi, Kyle. Uh, thanks

for babysitting the ghosts.

Jay, I-I just want to say

I'm-I'm, again, sorry for everything.

I, uh, I don't have a lot of friends in my life

because of the, you know, freak thing.

Um, but, yeah, I'm gonna get out of your hair.

I think Blimpie is open till 6:00 on holidays, so...

What a sad history that knowledge implies.

You okay if I invite him to stay?

-If you're comfortable with that. -Kyle, wait.

I overheard what you said and, yes, I'd love to stay.

Yes!

Man Sam back in the fold.

Oh, let's all go freshen up.

Kyle looks like he could use a long, steamy shower.

Hetty, I can see you.

Mm-hmm, I can see you, too.

Scrub-a-dub-dub, butler boy.

I'd like to take a moment to pay tribute to Sasappis

and the Lenape people.

So, I prepared

what the Lenape referred to

as the three sisters: corn, beans and squash.

Kind of a long-winded way of saying

you didn't make my yams and marshmallows.

And now, as promised, the coup de grâce,

yams and marshmallows.

Yes. The fourth and fifth sisters.

Let's go.

This is so lame.

Why are we at the kids' table?

We're the newest ghosts. Hey.

Should we choreograph a dance and present it to the grown-ups?

We're all grown-ups, Pete.

We're post-grown-ups. We're dead.

I would like to say something. Uh...

Thanksgiving is about family and friends.

And sometimes, those are the people

who annoy you the most.

But they're also the people who you would miss the most

if they weren't there.

We're only in each other's lives

for such a fleeting amount of time.

-Not that fleeting. -And it's easy to get caught up

in reaching a goal or getting to a certain destination.

But what matters is who you're on the journey with.

Right back at you, Sammy.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Even Isaac, who was a colonizer.

A gay colonizer.

All right, I'm going into the dirt to find Patience.