Original subtitles

Well. Well, there you are, Agarn,

your share of this month's profits.

Gee, sarge, this is the most money you ever paid me.

Well, after all, you've been a hardworking, loyal employee

of O'Rourke Enterprises,

and this saloon has turned out to be a gold mine.

Knock on wood.

Sarge, somebody's after us!

There's a note on that thing.

I don't need no note.

I got the message from the knife.

"Allo, cozin. I am in zee alley next to zee zaloon.

Come queek. Your cozin Pierre."

I got no cousin Pierre.

But I do. He's a fur trapper in Canada.

Fur trapper? Yeah.

Psst.

Cousin Randolph, c'est moi.

Who is he? Can he be trusted?

Oh, sure. He's my best friend.

This is Sergeant O'Rourke.

Sarge, this is my cousin, Pierre Agarniere.

Otherwise known as Lucky Pierre.

Glad to meet ya... Glad to meet you.

My pleasure, sergeant.

Excuse me. I cannot be seen. I must stay out of sight.

Listen, if you're so lucky, why you hiding in an alley?

I'm being pursued by crooks.

They want to steal my furs.

Voilà.

These are worth a fortune.

I never saw that kind of fur before.

Ah, you are right, monsieur.

I developed this myself.

Through careful crossbreeding,

I have mated a lynx with a marmoset.

What do you call it?

Minks.

Oh, that's very clever of you, Lucky, crossbreeding, ah.

I am also thinking of mating a fox with my mink.

You could call it a fink.

Very good, cousin. Very good.

Or you could even cross a lynx and a fox

and you'd have a lox.

Never mind the crossbreeding.

If you're worried about somebody getting at those pelts,

leave them with our friends, the Hekawis.

But they are Indians, no?

They are Indians, yes,

but they're our friends. We do business with them.

You'll be safe up there.

You go up and tell them we sent you.

Their camp is about three miles off the road near the lake.

Very good. I'll go there after dark.

Fine, we'll see you tomorrow, Lucky. Come on, Agarn.

Au revoir.

That means goodbye in French.

Agarn, your cousin, Lucky Pierre,

has really brought us some luck.

He has? Don't you get it?

We're going in the fur business with him.

Look, he's got the pelts, we got the Hekawi squaws

to make 'em into fur coats.

Sarge, you're right.

We'll make a fortune off those minks, finks and lox.

Not you, Dobbs.

Oh.

Dobbs was just trying out his new bugle.

Ain't it a beauty?

Captain requisitioned it for me.

Listen to this:

Now we know what happened to the old one,

it committed suicide.

Now, Dobbs just has to practice with this new...

♪ Tramp, tramp, tramp Along the highway ♪

♪ Tramp, tramp, tramp The road is free ♪

♪ We're planters and Canucks Virginians and Kentucks ♪

♪ Captain Dick's own infantry ♪

♪ Captain Dick's own infantry ♪

Sergeant Ramsden, Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

We always get our man.

Welcome to Fort Courage, sergeant.

Hey, lookie here.

He's got wheels on this thing.

Just a clever innovation of mine.

A first for the Mounties.

A sled with retractable wheels.

What brings you to Fort Courage?

I am looking for a fugitive from justice.

A notorious fur thief.

Homina, homina, homina... What's his name?

They call him... Lucky Pierre.

Sarge, I'm sure my cousin can explain this.

Ah, you and your crooked relatives.

Wait a minute, sarge.

My relatives are as honest as the day is long.

Oh, yeah? What about that cousin of yours down in Mexico?

That bandit El Diablo?

Well, the days are shorter in Mexico.

Hey. Maybe we could make as much on the reward

as we could on the fur-coat business.

Reward? Sure.

Sarge, you can't turn in Lucky Pierre.

He's my cousin.

Son of my aunt Charlene,

who was married to my uncle Harry,

who was my mother's favorite, next to her brother Seymour,

who's married to the lovely Lily Farquhart

of the Passaic Farquharts,

who lived on the big house on the hill next to the Langtons,

whose daughter Shirley married... Agarn!

Walenski. Walenski?

Yeah, Shirley married Irving Walenski,

whose son Melvin...

All right, I won't turn your cousin in

until I talk to him.

But he'd better have a good explanation.

Now that you've got a new bugle,

why don't you requisition new lips?

Ho! Ten-hut.

F Troop all present and accounted for, sir.

Thank you, sergeant. At ease, men. At ease.

Now, today I would like you all to meet Sergeant Ramsden

of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

We always get our man.

That's good. That's good.

And as a matter of fact,

that's what has brought him to Fort Courage.

He is looking for a notorious French Canadian fur thief

named Lucky Pierre.

Now, I want you all to cooperate and be neighborly

to our good neighbor from the north while he's here

in the neighborhood.

Uh, Sergeant Ramsden, could you give the men

a description of this thief?

I have found my man.

Corporal Agarn? Oh, no. He can't be the man.

Sergeant, you must be mistaken.

I'd know this face any place.

Even though he has cleverly shaved off

his mustache and beard.

You're cunning, Pierre.

Now, wait a minute. Didn't you say

this fur thief was a French Canadian?

Corporal Agarn speaks English as well as anyone from New Jersey.

In the three years I have been tracking him,

it is possible he lost his accent.

But I will give him a test.

A test?

The French have great difficulty pronouncing the letters T-H. Th.

Repeat. Thoughtful thinkers think thoughtful thoughts

through thick and thin. Thoughtful thinkers

think thoughtful thoughts through thick and thin.

Ah! You see there, sergeant?

Yeah. And if Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,

how many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?

Very good, Agarn. I always have trouble with that.

Peter Piker picked...

I still say he's French.

How long you been in the cavalry? Ten years.

How long at Fort Courage? Four years.

When was your last furlough? A year ago last March.

Where'd you go? Canada,

to visit my cousin Pierre.

Captain Parmenter, throw this man in irons.

Now wait a minute. He hasn't done anything.

Sergeant O'Rourke is right.

Corporal Agarn is not his cousin's keeper.

He may be his accomplice.

I suggest you confine this man to quarters.

I know his cousin is in this area, and I'm sure

Lucky Pierre will make some attempt to contact him.

Well, under the circumstances,

I guess it's the only thing to do.

I'm sorry, corporal,

but I'm going to have to confine you to your quarters.

I understand, sir.

Sergeant, dismiss the troop.

Yes, sir.

Troop, dismissed.

Hey, Agarn, are you really in cahoots

with your cousin Lucky Pierre?

Do you think you can get me a fur coat wholesale?

No, I'm not in cahoots,

and I'm not gonna get you a fur coat.

Hi, Wilton. Hi, Jane.

Uh, Sergeant Ramsden,

I'd like you to meet Wrangler Jane.

This is Sergeant Ramsden

of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

We always get our man.

And we, uh, get our woman too.

♪ I dream of Wrangler With the light yellow hair ♪

♪ Floating like a vapor ♪

If he sings any higher, those dogs will tear him apart.

♪ Many were the wild notes Her merry voice would pour ♪

♪ Many were the blithe birds That warbled them o'er ♪

Sarge, what are we gonna do about my cousin?

Now, don't worry about it. I'll go up to the Hekawi camp

and see if Pierre is telling the truth.

Well, then I'll figure out what to do.

Thanks, sarge.

♪ On the soft summer air ♪

Oh, that was just beautiful, Sergeant Ramsden.

Don't be formal, my dear.

My friends call me the Singing Mountie.

Jane, I think you'd better go.

Sergeant Ramsden has a lot of work to do.

Yes, I'm going to run down a couple of leads on the case.

Would you, uh, care to join me in the sled, my dear?

My dogs are waiting with wagging tails.

Oh, that would be thrilling.

Bye, Wilton.

Jane, I thought we were going riding.

See you later, captain. Mush!

♪ Tramp, tramp, tramp Along the highway ♪

♪ Tramp, tramp, tramp The road is green ♪

Oh, uh, captain, I wanna go search the area,

see if I can find this Lucky Pierre.

I think the only tail that's wagging is his.

What's that, sir?

Oh, uh, nothing, sergeant. Nothing. Wh-what is it?

Uh, I said I'd like to go see if I could find Lucky Pierre.

Oh, uh...

Voilà, mes amis.

You're about to have the pleasure of tasting

a gourmet's delight.

You taste first, Crazy Cat.

No, after you. You the chief.

If you want to be like chief, you taste first.

If you taste first, maybe I be chief.

Please. I will taste first.

Ooh, la-la!

Pierre, you've done it again.

Hey, Wild Eagle, Craze.

Listen, Lucky Pierre.

Where is my cousin?

He's under house arrest, thanks to you.

But I would never do anything to cause the arrest

of my cousin Randolph,

the son de ma tante Becky,

who was married to Uncle Freddie,

who was my mother's favorite brother,

whose sister Zelda... All right, Pierre.

Walenski.

They say you're a crook.

Him a crook?

Well, all I know is that the Mounties

never go after the wrong man.

Please, sergeant, you must believe me.

Sacrebleu!

I should have thought of it before.

Thought of what?

This must be the work of the most infamous fur thief

in all Canada.

Who's that?

Ze Burglar of Banff-f-f.

The Burglar of Banff-f-f?

He's so clever. He once stole a beaver coat.

What's so clever about that?

It was still on ze beaver.

Yeah, well, I don't think there is a Burglar of Banff-f-f.

Come on.

All right, sergeant.

Au revoir, Crazy Pussy.

Wild Eagle, my only regret is that we could not go

into the fur-coat business together.

It would have made a fortune for you, for ze tribe,

for Sergeant O'Rourke, for all of us.

Uh, just a minute here, Pierre.

I'd like to hear a little more about this Burglar of Banff-f.

What happened, sarge?

This cousin of yours is a pretty persuasive fella.

Now, he keeps telling me he's innocent.

Oh, you can believe him, sarge.

He may be a crook, but he's not a liar.

Pierre tells me that this Mountie may be looking

for another fur thief altogether.

Somebody called the... The Burglar of Banff-f-f.

Uh, uh, captain,

I assure you, I am closing in.

I am tightening the noose on Lucky Pierre.

I don't think you'll ever take him by surprise.

It's pretty hard to sneak up on a man

when you're singing, "tramp, tramp, tramp"

at the top of your voice.

Captain, I never have to worry about that,

with my new techniques in criminology.

Do you realize that I can sift the ashes of a campfire,

and know exactly how long the fire has been burning,

what food the man was eating,

and how tall he is?

You can tell all that just from sifting the ashes?

On a good day, I can even tell the color of his eyes.

If you can do all that,

how come you've never found Lucky Pierre?

I've never found his campfire.

Th-then how do you know he's in this area?

I've been following him by the broken-twig method.

Come in.

Ah. Oh, uh, sorry, sir.

I didn't realize you were busy.

No, no, no, come in, O'Rourke. Sergeant Ramsden was just

giving me a lecture on criminology.

Well, that must be very fascinating.

Of course I didn't mean to interrupt.

As a matter of fact, it is fascinating, sergeant.

For instance, do you know I can take one look at you

and tell exactly where you've been this morning?

You... You can?

A little clay dust on your boots.

You've been off the fort.

Oh, yeah. Well, I went into town, sir.

Pants a bit shiny.

You've been riding some distance.

Oh, yes. I was out looking for Lucky Pierre.

Gravy stains on your uniform.

You had pork and beans for lunch.

Ah, ha, ha. Right again, sergeant.

What have we here?

Captain Parmenter, come take a look.

What is it, sergeant?

Look for yourself.

What do you see under this magnifying glass?

A big, fat thumb.

Captain, what am I holding with that thumb?

Big, fat finger.

Captain, don't you see?

It is a hair of a fur-bearing animal.

Oh, yes. I guess it is at that.

Ah! Well, when I was out in the woods, sir,

you see, this squirrel ran right up my arm.

This is not the hair of a squirrel,

Captain Parmenter.

This is the hair of the fur of the rare and valuable mink.

A fur that is known to be in the possession

of Lucky Pierre.

Well, maybe that squirrel was playing around with a mink.

Yeah, well, I certainly don't have any idea

how that hair got on my shirt, sergeant.

Well, I do. Oh.

Is it not true that you sleep

in the same barracks with Corporal Agarn,

the cousin of Lucky Pierre? Yes.

Well, it's obvious that a big, healthy man like you

must sleep with the windows open.

Well, sure.

What are you getting at?

I submit to you that Corporal Agarn

has made contact with his cousin,

and the wind from the open window

blew the fur from his uniform to O'Rourke's.

Oh, I can't believe this of Agarn.

Which proves conclusively

that Lucky Pierre is in this area.

I'm going to make a reconnaissance.

I'll be back by sunset.

Oh, and I must ask both of you

not to reveal these findings to Corporal Agarn.

You have our word.

Good.

I really can't believe this, sergeant.

Well, I admit it looks pretty bad for my buddy, sir, but...

For my files.

Sir, I-I heard some fur traders over at the saloon talking,

and they said that the real culprit

that you should be looking for was a notorious fur thief

known as the Burglar of Banff-f-f.

The Burglar of Banff-f-f?

Oh, no, I think that's just a name that Lucky Pierre uses

to throw people off the track.

Nah, no, I don't believe that, captain.

You know, sergeant, I may not be able to sing,

but I am a bit of a criminologist myself.

You are, sir?

Fur thieves steal furs from people who trap furs.

Right, sergeant?

Right. Now, sergeant.

Who around Fort Courage goes in for trapping furs?

Well, I don't know. Who?

Indians. Oh, sure.

We are going to look for Lucky Pierre

in the Hekawi camp.

Captain, I tell you, we're on a wild-goose chase.

No, we're on a wild-mink chase.

You can be a criminologist with a sense of humor too.

Listen, you better let me talk to Wild Eagle.

I mean, he might not talk as freely in front of you.

No, no, no, I'm just going to explain to the chief

that all we're looking for

is a little information on Lucky Pierre.

Hey, Wild Eagle. Hey, how are you, there?

Listen, Captain Parmenter is looking

for some information about Lucky Pierre,

who he thinks is a fur thief.

'Course, I told him that you hadn't seen Lucky Pierre.

And if Lucky Pierre was here, that he'd be hiding in a teepee.

Sergeant O'Rourke speak truth, captain.

We not see this man Lucky Pierre.

How do you know you haven't seen him?

You may have seen him and not know it.

I don't think he'd walk into camp and say:

"Hi there, Chief Wild Eagle,

I'm Lucky Pierre, the fur thief."

No, no. You don't understand, captain.

Now, you see, Wild Eagle knows all about fur thieves.

Why, he could recognize Lucky Pierre a mile away.

Nevertheless, sergeant,

I think the chief should have some idea

of what he looks like.

Now, he can best be described as...

Corporal Agarn with a French accent.

No man like that been around Hekawi camp, captain.

Chief Wild Eagle,

ready to taste delicious bouillabaisse?

Ah. Bouillabaisse. Bouillabaisse?

Why that's a French dish.

No, no, that's... That's an Indian dish.

You see, the French took it from the Indians.

Now, "bouilla" means "bark of tree,"

and "baisse" means "soup."

So bouillabaisse is "soup of bark of tree."

Oh, I see. Well, go ahead, chief.

Don't let us interrupt your meal.

Just take one taste.

Ooh, la-la. That's good.

"Ooh, la-la?"

That's an old Indian saying.

Yes. You see, "ooh" means "hot" and "la" means "very."

So "ooh, la-la" means "very, very hot."

I suppose that fur coat is squirrel.

Lucky Pierre is around here some place,

and I'm going to find him.

Now, captain, really, I... Ah, uh...

You've gotta find Lucky Pierre and get him outta here.

I not know where he is.

I know where he is.

Ah!

I've got him, sergeant.

You should never cook with garlic.

But mon capitaine, I'm innocent.

Captain, listen, I've gotta be honest with you.

Now, I knew Lucky Pierre was here all the time

but, well, he's convinced me that he is not the fur thief,

and I didn't want that smug Mountie

to be getting the wrong man.

I don't like that Singing Mountie

any more than you do, but the evidence is clear.

The Singing Mountie? But he's my friend.

I taught him to sing "Frère Jacques."

That's the only song he hasn't sung.

But that is his favorite. He goes around always singing:

♪ Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques, Dormez vous? Dormez vous? ♪

♪ Sonnez les matines Sonnez les matines ♪

♪ Ding ding dong Ding ding dong ♪

Sergeant, this man is guilty.

Now, how can you tell that, captain?

Because he is imitating a baritone

and the Singing Mountie is a tenor.

Mais non, capitaine!

The Singing Mountie is a baritone.

I swear it.

He is?

Captain, now, just a minute here.

If Lucky Pierre is right,

then Sergeant Ramsden is not the real Singing Mountie.

I mean, unless his voice has changed.

Then, who could he be?

The Burglar... of Banff-f-f.

♪ I dream of Wrangler With the light yellow hair ♪

♪ Floating like a vapor ♪

♪ On the soft summer air ♪

♪ Many were the wild notes Her merry voice would pour ♪

♪ Many were the blithe birds That warbled them o'er ♪

♪ I dream of Wrangler With the light yellow hair ♪

♪ Floating like a vapor ♪

♪ On the soft summer air ♪

Good work, captain. You've captured Lucky Pierre.

I'll take him back to Canada to stand trial.

In the dogsled, you blackguard.

One last song before I leave, my dear.

Just a minute, sergeant.

Lucky Pierre, is this the Singing Mountie?

No. This man is an impostor.

Would you sing "Frère Jacques," sergeant?

You mean you believe this fur thief?

Would you just sing "Frère Jacques"?

I believe that's your key, sergeant.

♪ Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques ♪

♪ Dormez vous? Dormez v... ♪

Stop. Stop the music. I accuse this...

This tenor of being the Burglar of Banff-f-f.

Me, the Burglar of Banff-f-f?

This man is mad.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to place you under arrest,

Sergeant Ramsden, or whoever you are.

Not on your life, captain.

You'll never take the Burglar of Banff-f-f alive!

Mush!

Dobbs, Duffy.

Let's put this canary in the cage.

Yes, sir.

Oh, Wilton, I'm so proud of you.

You weren't taken in by him a minute.

No, but you were.

He's right.

You were dazzled by his pitch pipe.

Oh, I think you're both awful.

Do you hear that?

Why, he's escaped already.

No, look.

♪ Captain Dick's own infantry ♪

Lucky Pierre.

Hello there, Singing Mountie.

Sergeant Ramsden, Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

We always get our man.

I'm Captain Parmenter.

This is Sergeant O'Rourke, and this is Wrangler Jane.

Wrangler Jane.

♪ I dream of Wrangler With a light yellow hair ♪

♪ Borne like a vapor On the summer air ♪

♪ I see her tripping ♪

♪ Where the bright springs Play... ♪