Original subtitles

just put up in front of the house.

Tell him to come in.

Your gentlemen know they're not welcome in this house.

Oh, for Christ's sake.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Sophia Stone, morning.

Listen, Sonny, your father died over two years ago.

Yeah, making up for lost time, huh?

Listen, little Hamlet, I was only 14 years old when your father knocked me

I made a good home for him, and to show his appreciation, he drank himself to

death, leaving you and me without a proverbial pot to piss in.

I mean, if I hadn't had the foresight to mature him up to the eyeballs, you and

I would be out on the streets. Don't get self -righteous with me.

I mean, I still look good. I have held my age.

And if you took me out, your friends would think you got lucky.

Wow, Michelle.

You look fantastic.

Well, thank you. So do you. Yeah. Look, I've got to run, so, um, you'll take

care of the baby, won't you?

Yeah.

See, I've forgotten anything.

Yeah, your knee pads and the tube of K -1.

You son of a bitch.

Exactly.

Hell, I have to apologize for Jamie. He has no right to speak to you like that.

Okay.

I will see you later.

What's the matter with you?

I don't know what to talk about.

How could you be so cruel to your own mother?

If you were my dad...

Fuck it.

Can't forget I'm here.

So am I.

And all this family stuff gets me money.

It does, huh?

Okay.

Hmm.

Well, how are you?

Okay.

Oh, no.

I'm so good.

I'm so great.

Oh, yes.

That's what's gonna drive me nuts.

So?

When are you gonna do it?

Do what?

Screw you.

Are you out of your mind?

There's been a drag and run.

I think I can take my mind off of that.

You do that so well.

I'm just assuming for the sake of argument.

I mean, you know, that I really, you know, would do something that sick.

Now, but I want you to know that, you know, I mean, well, it just really

wouldn't end in my head, but that made you think that you wouldn't

rather strangle me than fuck me.

You two have been doing this freaking mating dance for years.

I mean, even before Charlie died.

You know, I've been watching you.

Oh, no.

Look there.

Can you look at that kid when he gets out of the pool in his bathing suit?

That's not the mother we love. That's the last I've seen in your eyes.

You just want to admit it to yourself.

What do you think men you go out with?

They're all trim.

No, they're all trim.

You don't go out with anybody overweight.

You think I don't know what I am?

No, what are you, Michael?

I'm a substitute for Jean.

Well, it's bullshit.

Bullshit. Yeah, it's just bullshit. I don't understand the beginning of all

these ideas.

Think about Jamie.

I am thinking about Jamie. Think about him.

Think about him. Slapping on the tip.

It's not cool.

But you always do this stuff.

You like it.

Sounds like you're the one that wants to have it up there with Jamie.

Come on, baby.

I'm here. Why don't we just talk?

Take my mind off this problem.

So I'll let you know. Just think about it. Let me tell you about it.

Do you have a clue to you? I might be thinking of you and not Jamie.

Oh, yeah.

I'm going to put my head down now.

Let's hear it.

I'm going to let my hair out.

All the way up my hair.

You've got to keep cocking me, don't you?

I want you to keep cocking me all night.

I've been.

I'm going to cock up your hair. I'm going to give you too much.

I'm going to cock up your hair.

I'm going to cock up your hair.

See?

See? You keep cocking me.

Oh my gosh.

It's hot now, isn't it?

Oh, God. I like that idea.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God. Come here, Jamie.

Come here, Jamie.

Come here, Jamie.

um um

Oh, my.

Oh, God.

Swallow it in.

No! No!

Nice to see you.

Look, can I get you a drink?

Oh, no thanks. Sure.

Yeah. Thank you.

You must have got the schedule mixed up.

You know Jamie's schedule?

Oh, well, no, not really. Actually, I came here to see you today.

Oh, because you know it works, you know, days on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Thank you. Yeah.

You know, I came by because I wanted to apologize against her the other day.

Yeah, that's history.

I'm glad you came by.

Well, thank you.

You know, I have a problem, and I wanted to speak to you about it, because I

think you're about the only person who might be able to help me.

Oh, go ahead.

Okay,

well, you know Jamie and I sophisticated about sex.

No, true.

And when I first started going out with him, You know, I made it clear to him

that, like, I couldn't be just entirely faithful to him, that I was interested

in, like, maybe those three ways, you know, having, you know, a woman every

in a while.

And, you know, every time I've tried to, like, do something like that with him,

or have a woman over to the house or anything, he always gets really nasty to

them, and they get really upset, and so they just go home.

But there's this one woman in particular that I would really... be interested

in, you know, doing something going with.

And I just really don't know how to approach the subject because I know if

found out about it, it would just be, you know, that'd be the end of it.

I love this person.

You?

It's me.

Ever since the first time I saw you, I just always thought you were the

ultimate.

Sexier, older ladies.

Well, contrary to everybody's belief around here, I've never made it with a

woman before.

Oh. Well.

But... They won't do the first time.

Oh. Is that an invitation?

No.

I think it's going to be nice that it's you.

I need to take a skirt off.

You're not shy.

No, no. That's one thing I think you do know about me, Michelle. I definitely am

not shy.

I'm always interested in something new.

I'm really happy you're making it so easy for me.

You probably know more about this than I do.

Well, I listen and really admire the nice character that's like Norris.

Thank you.

Ah, it's beautiful.

Mmm.

Oh, yeah.

Mmm.

This is going to be very interesting.

I love your outfit!

My God, you have the greatest things to wear.

Thank you. We'll have to go shopping one afternoon.

Oh, I'd love to.

Why don't you show me a little bit about how this all works?

I mean, I can imagine, but, you know, seeing the real thing.

Well, you are so gorgeous. I just love surprising them down here.

Do you like being eaten?

Of course.

It's no different with me, isn't it?

Yeah. Do you like your food?

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh,

God.

Thank you.

Oh, God!

Oh!

I think I'm going to be in there a little bit longer.

There we

go.

I love it. I love it.

I love it.

I missed another hour.

I have to teach you more about this.

That's what I'm saying. I'm willing to learn if Jamie isn't.

Oh, God.

That's great.

Thank you.

Do you have something to say, or are you just holding up the wall?

Maybe they're here to tuck me in for my afternoon nap?

I know about you and Michelle.

You do?

You disgusting old whore.

Do you have to corrupt everyone you come in contact with?

First Dad, now Michelle.

You know what's bothering you?

The fact that Michelle and I are sexual animals.

We suck and suck whomever we want, and what's worse, we don't put mercy on it.

You, on the other hand, are totally monogamous.

And you're still in your broken shame.

You're full of shit.

Despite what you may think, I still love you very much.

I never intended to do this, but...

Can't be avoided.

What do you think you're doing?

I mean, I called you up in the hammock the other day. I hit the nail bed on the

head.

I mean, you must wake up to speed to pose for such dexterity to infest your

shoes.

You know, the incest at Hamlet, see, there's supposed to be between his

and uncle.

But modern authorities say that, well... It's not true.

Think of what you want.

All right.

Take them.

Right now, you probably have a thousand thoughts going through your head right

now. They're fucking around.

You make it deny the truth.

You know, in the same place Shakespeare said, this above all, to thine own self

be true.

And, you've missed all of us the night of the day.

You can't be false to anyone.

You're the best friend. Go for it.

Oh, no.

I'm a baby.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh,

shit.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yes.

Oh.

Oh, Jesus!

Mom is going to have fun with you.

Don't cry.

No, no.

Yeah.

Oh,

no, no. Don't worry, Michelle.

I think I have a few more lessons and I could be ready.

Yeah.

Yeah, can you manage without me for a few days?

Don't worry Helen, I'll find a way to meddle through.

I didn't tell you, you were distracting me on the phone.

What, me? I'm Michelle.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Come in.

Jamie.

How you doing, Mom? Fine. You ready for this?

I think so.

Tonight I got some reinforcements with me.

Randy. Randy, do you know Mike?

Uh, we've met.

Okay, Mike, this is Randy.

Hi there.

Hi. I thought you knew Jamie, but you didn't know Mike. Yeah, sure, sure.

How you doing, kid? I do.

I feel like we've got to fill every hole here.

Oh, my God. I've always wanted to do that.

All right.

Take the shirts off, fellas.

You don't mind us? We've already started. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. I see that.

just come on in and dive in when you're ready.

Ooh,

that's my baby.

Mike, I'm going to have to get you, Mike.

When do you come home?

She talks a little more and her tongue down here to beat it.

You know that?

Thank you.

Anything you want, Randy?

You want to be shot?

Oh! Oh, shit!

Oh, God.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, God.

Come on.

Oh, God, yes. Amen.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

How do you like that, Mom? Oh, God.

You like that?

I love it. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

Jesus.

Oh, I see you guys aren't fighting anymore.

No, smoke love, not war.

That's a very good idea.

I'm always

ready.

Thank you.

Beautiful.

You're an attractive mother to have.

Mm -hmm. You're an attractive mother to have. I am.

Mm.

You seem so formal.

Mm. Mm.

Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

I can't play with both my hands.

Isn't it time to go to bed now?

We always look like good boys, but now we look...

Thank you.

Thank you.

Is that going to have to do with Mother -in -law?

Yeah, what about her?

Well, I can just see it now. I can't remind myself of it.

Dear Abby.

I have this nasty meds in a lot to keep me frisking and sitting on my face.

Yeah, that's exactly what I'm going to do in a couple of minutes.