Original subtitles

Every good and perfect gift comes from above, does it?

Well, I'm telling you different.

It's amazing what you can discover in the depths below.

Eww! No, we ain't fucking doing that. That's rank, baby.

My dear Lady Die,

Princess of Basford,

shagger of men,

we owe it to clubbers everywhere to accept this gift

cos this pill... is our destiny.

Ask and ye shall receive.

Amen.

Die?

Shh.

Die, stop messing about.

Oh, you bitches, I know yous are in there.

Fuck yous, then.

Oh, thank fuck.

Babe, we shouldn't leave her by hersen, you know.

Die, she'll be off on a cock hunt.

Look, don't worry, I'm not going to leave you, am I?

Well, it's not that.

She's kind of seeing Bradley now, in't she?

But no-one can know cos, well, Bev.

What's she still going on about Liam for?

Like, fucking get over it.

Look, I need to tell you summat else.

Look, just don't lose your head, all right?

What? What is it?

Well, go on, spit it out.

Right, Liam was arrested.

But it could be anything with him.

And if it were about what you two did, they would have come for you.

Look, we could try calling him...

No, no, no, I don't want to fucking speak to him.

Right, let's just get absolutely fucking battered, yeah?

This is Byron. If you leave a message, make it interesting.

Byron?

Where are you, duckie?

You've not been back for days.

Call me back. It's Mommar.

Get down!

Why don't you just tell him to fuck off?

Why is he still...

Ooh, he's sexy.

Oh, Mike!

It's Leicester Mike.

Well, if it's not Nottingham's premium shoplifters.

How's that gorgeous dick of yours?

Come in with me. Come on.

Sorry, lads.

You can't just leave us, we drove you all the way here!

She's found a new one.

Oi, girls!

- Thanks, Mike. - Thanks, Mike.

Thank you.

You really know the way to a girl's heart, Leicester Mike.

What do I get?

- Go on. - Oh! - Oh! - Oh...

Go on.

Do me.

Er... I-I-I don't do that. I'm the girl.

Yeah, me neither. I'm a Christian!

Go on. I'll give you the whole bag.

Mike, do you trust us?

Yeah. Do what you like.

Yeah?

Right, tell Sasha and I'll kill ya.

Pills.

And, you...

- Breathe. - Oh!

OK.

Three, two, one...

Ohhh!

Ohhh! Ohhh!

I love you, you know.

I fucking love you.

We're proper freaks, aren't we?

I know... and I love it.

We should go home, babes.

No.

We're staying out forever.

Just you and me against 'em all.

And then home, yeah?

Mmm.

- Daddy, what's she doing? - Oh, my God...

Come on, let's go.

Babes, I can't!

Did ya see their faces?

Do I really look rank enough to make people scream?

- Hmm... - Oh, fuck off.

Was that Max?

Yeah, I think it was. I think it was him.

- What, really? - Yeah. Do you think he saw me?

No, he can't have,

not looking like this.

Do you think that's why he didn't stop?

Cos I look like a fuckin' gremlin?

- Babes, chill out. - Oh, fuck's sake.

It probably weren't even him.

I can't cope with this come-down, Die, I actually can't.

I can't fucking do it.

I can't fucking do it, not in fucking Leicester.

We just need to get back.

No, I can't face a train.

I actually fucking can't.

I can't fucking breathe.

Will you just try and chill out, yeah?

You've got me, baby.

We'll be all right.

- Give us that. - Here, take it.

Look, desperate times call for desperate measures.

Come on.

Oh, my God.

Would you look at the state of you pair?

Right, get in.

I sense something is awry.

Babes, the last thing we need is you speaking fucking Victorian.

Hi, Mommar.

Er, yeah, I'm just at a friend's house.

Oh, duckie, I've been trying to ring you.

The police have been round for you.

Byron?

The... The police?

What did they want?

Well, they've left a card for you to ring them.

What on earth have you done?

OK...

Come on. You need sustenance.

And I dread to think when you last slept.

Er, we'll sleep when we're fucking dead, thank you very much.

I mean, I am up for dying.

Oh, chill out, I'm fucking joking.

But I am dying for a vodka, Valium or very hot man.

Nitimur in vetitum.

Am I fucking tripping again or summat?

"We strive for the forbidden."

But take it from someone... wiser.

It's all shits and giggles until it's not.

And when it's not...

Pete, if I'd wanted an old woman fussing over me,

I'd have gone to me Mommar's.

What on God's green earth...?

You haven't...?

- Uh-huh. - For fuck's sake...

You two want locking up.

Well, you know what the best cure for a come-down is, don't you, baby?

See you later, Pete.

If I ever end up like him, fuckin' shoot me.

Where are we going?

God, yous look fucking awful!

Let's get mashed up, ya slags!

Right, cunts in the front.

Come on, getting in or what?

Yeah, yeah, keep on flashing, cum stain!

Yeah, you fuckin' wanker!

Oi! What the fuck's up with you?

She's a fuckin' spiteful bitch, Bev, that's her fuckin' problem.

We had a wicked night last night, didn't we, Die?

Yeah, us and all.

Ended up back at ours for an afters, didn't you, Sash Bash?

Aww.

Was your Bradley there?

Yeah, course. Why?

Oi!

Learn to drive, you massive fanny flap!

I've, erm, been speaking to Liam, you know.

Oh, fucking bastards.

Fuckchops!

You spoke to Liam? What did he say?

How is your boyfriend, Sash?

Er, will you two just fucking leave it out?

Not using me to rob people, that's how.

Who's been robbing?

Did you know she's got a new fella?

- Girl, don't do it. - Yeah, have you met any of the family yet, Sash?

- Oh, Byron, just fucking leave it, yeah? - Yeah, too right. Fuckin' 'ell.

Only drug I'm going to need at this rate's a fucking Anadin.

And I can't be dealing with you like this, yeah?

Glove box now.

Now!

What the fuck is that?

Heh-heh. Never know when there might be a problem. Hm-hm.

Right, tuck in. There's some Charlie in there.

One for you, one for me.

Let's get snorting and let's get fucking wild!

Freaks incoming.

Ah-ah-ah.

Do you want to repeat that?

No. No, I didn't think so.

Fuck off.

Right, I need a waz. See you in a minute.

Bye, Bev.

I'll have your fucking little...

Right, have you two got a fucking death wish or summat?

I heard yous talking last night in the toilets.

You knew she shagged Liam and you never told me?

Look, yeah, I know you're mad at us, but, babe, you need to be more

worried about Bev fucking finding out you're shagging her nephew!

It's fine. She's a mate. Did you not see how she just stuck up for us?

Are you just, like, stupid or summat?

You shut the fuck up.

This is serious.

What?

Oh, I can't be fucked with this.

Well, I can't be fucked with that.

Go on, move along, drag queen. Fuck off!

Right, you don't fucking help either.

I swear to God, babe, if Bev finds out, you're dead!

Oh, sorry.

Byron!

- Hiya, love, here she is. - You all right?

Where's Die?

Don't know.

Oh! Someone's on it!

- Right, girls, who wants a Nikki special? - Always.

Roll up, anyone with a death wish.

There she goes.

Oh! Girl!

Jesus! Careful! That's some strong shit.

Good.

Are you all right, babe? You look like you're crying, babe.

Oh, my God, is that Liam?

Hiya, Liam. I'm glad you made it.

- Are you OK? - She's off.

Hey, watch it!

- Those two. - Fucking hell. - Right...

What are you avoiding me for?

I'm not. I j...

I just... I thought you'd been arrested,

so I just wasn't expecting to see you, that's all.

I was at the cop shop. Briefly.

What are you dressed as?

The police came to my Mommar's.

- I've been trying to ring you. - Yeah, well, I've got a new number.

Liam, why the fuck are the police looking for me?

Cos you're my alibi.

For what?

I need you to tell 'em we were at mine on that night.

Rinze too.

But what about what we did?

They don't know nothing about what we did,

so you keep your mouth shut about what we did.

Oh, my God.

What?

When I heard you'd been arrested, I just...

I thought Dean had gone to the police or summat and that it...

What?

To tell everyone he's basically a paedo?

Relax. Look at ya!

Look, just stick to what I said.

- OK. - You were with me and Rinze, 25th of January, all night.

OK, yeah, fine.

Oh, fuck.

What do you need an alibi for?

They're trying to pin summat on us.

What?

Attempted murder.

When they ask, you say you were with us.

Got it?

Yeah.

Safe.

Got a little present for you too, haven't I?

Come here.

Here you are. Go on, sniff that.

25th of January till 1am.

You got it?

- Yeah. - Good lad.

- Who the fuck am I, babe? - She's going to carry on lying

- until she gets what she wants. - Sash...

Yeah, but we fucking took her in.

- We fucking took her in, babes. - That's the truth.

When no-one else had her, we took her in, didn't we?

What the fuck's she saying now?

Were you with fucking Liam on the night of my music video audition?

When you said you was with your Mommar?

Oh, you're such a good friend, aren't ya?

Get fucked cos she didn't even want you there.

You ditched me for that prick? To go fucking nonce hunting?

No... Oh...

What the fuck are you smiling for?

No, I'm not smiling, I just did a fucking line of ket. I...

Look, Die, Die, Die, look, I'm sorry.

How the fuck was I supposed to know you'd get attacked?

Attacked? Oh, my God, Die.

No, look, she's fine, she's fine, aren't you?

You did the audition, you got the job.

I fucking didn't, did I?!

For fuck's sake, Byron.

Die, you told me, that's what you said to me...

Yeah, cos I was fucking embarrassed!

Catch SARS, you rancid bitch!

You've fucking done it this time, you little cunt!

Shut the fuck up!

Get off me, you stupid fucking bitch!

Fuck off, you fucking...

Maybe I should tell everyone here your secrets!

Oh, fuckin' tell 'em, then, I don't fuckin' care!

At least I've got a man who cares about me and I'm not some dirty

fucking rent boy who's sucking off old men in public toilets

for petty cash.

Of course you're jealous, Byron, cos I get to ride Bradley's dick.

Bradley?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, my Bradley and you?

Bev, I was going to tell you, I promise.

Fuck... Do you think she's upset?

Do you think she's angry?

- I'm going to go talk to her. - No, no, no, Sash,

just leave it for once, yeah?

Baby, come do a Nikki special instead, baby. Come here.

- Right. - Make it a big one.

Right. Get it down you, girl.

Bev, let's talk. We're mates.

- Sash... - Fuck, no. Go, go, go!

Yeah, we can fucking talk about it, Sash!

Of course we can! You want to fucking talk?!

Talk about it! Hey! Let's fucking go!

You're not making a fucking freak out of my nephew!

- Do you fucking hear me?! - We're supposed to be mates!

Yeah, well, it seems her friendship has limits!

- Go out the back! Go, go, go! - Sash!

Go, Sash!

Yeah, fucking run!

- Jesus! - Fucking run!

When I find you, I will shove this

- up your fucking fanny! - Why aren't you helping, Byron?!

Has he had sexual contact with anyone else

since the birth of your daughter?

The lie detector said...

that was a lie!

Do you have anything to say for yourself?

No?

That's predictable.

But perhaps...

You causing trouble?

Why are you watching this?

Buttons don't work.

Was that your new girlfriend?

Nah.

Do you ever feel bad about what we did?

Cos I do.

Do you even like me?

You talk too much.

Don't know... I think too much.

I wish I could stop, to be honest.

You know what you need?

It tastes horrible. What the fuck is it?

Take another drag.

Oh, shit...

Ha...

Who can blame her, really?

Truth is sometimes painful.

You better not be lying to me or I will kill you.

I'm not, I'm not, I promise, I promise.

Max withdrawal before midnight and you do it again after.

You're going to keep me company, aren't ya?

Oh! Fuck.

Oh, fuck...

Hello?

Die?

Die, it's not funny.

Hello...

What'd your mum say about wearing the tights?

Are you in trouble?

Why do you want to wear the tights?

Promise not to tell anyone?

I'm the same as you. I'm a girl.

Thought you were a boy.

Everyone does, but I'm not.

I'm a girl. I know I am.

He said he's a girl!

Hello.

Wait, wait.

Hey, hey, hey!

Come here! Hello?

Wait, wait, wait!

I suppose the reason why we've come here...

His mum's pissed off. He keeps...

Go on, tell the doctor what you've been saying.

I'm a girl, not a boy.

I've seen him in the buff. He ain't.

It sounds like Byron might be experiencing something called

gender identity disorder.

You what, duck?

Gender identity disorder.

I can refer Byron to a child psychologist.

A psychologist? Right, so he is mad?

- No... - Well, tell him, then.

Tell him, as a doctor, that he can't be a girl!

Stop crying.

Let me get you that referral.

You ain't going to the quack!

You're going to stop talking shit and that's the end of it!

You're my son! My fuckin' son!

You're scared as hell.

I bloody am.

Who are you?

I know your secret.

Please, my heart's racing.

I don't feel well. I just want to get out.

You've got to reach the other side of the glass.

Be who you are.

Be beautiful...

or be swallowed by the darkness.

Run away.

Run away.

Run away!

Thank you so much for joining us and I wish you all the best.

Now, my next guest has a lot to answer for

and has found themselves in a sticky situation...

haven't you, Byron?

Byron, this is about you.

- What the fuck? - You are live on national television.

Please do not swear.

But join me as we discuss,

does a criminal teenage rent boy deserve any sympathy?

Welcome to the stage, Byron.

Oh, dear - a frosty reception.

Seems you've upset a lot of people.

Er, well, a lot of people have upset me, Tess.

Has anyone ever robbed YOU at gunpoint?

No, but it weren't a real gun.

Erm... And my life ain't all been fucking roses either.

Sorry. Sorry, I ju... I just...

I got involved with a bad guy and he set me up with a client, a man in

his late thirties who was going to pay me, a 16-year-old, for sex.

And we robbed HIM, not some fucking saint.

And I didn't plan it, I don't know why I did it, I just...

I just like Liam and I do stupid things, I do, I do,

and I don't know why I do 'em. Honestly.

Byron, you committed a crime.

Yeah, but come on, who pays a 16-year-old for sex? Like...

Yeah, OK...

All right, OK, yeah.

Going to the phones, we have a question on line one

from Byron's grandmother, Josephine.

Oh, 'ello, duck. Am I on? Can you hear me?

We can hear you, Josephine. What's your question?

Well, I wanted to ask,

what kind of 16-year-old lets men pay them for sex?

Anything to say to that, Byron?

I didn't... No, I didn't... let...

I...

It just kind of happened, Mommar, and...

and I'm sorry, I...

Mommar?

OK, we've heard your side of the story.

Now, here's the other.

Welcome to the show, Dean.

How are you, Dean?

I've been left feeling... feeling scared.

Violated.

But you're happy to do the violating, aren't ya?

It was nothing that you hadn't agreed to...

and were going to be paid for.

Oh, so money gets you what you want, does it? Gives you power?

But then I'm asked why I'd try and make some?!

I mean, hang on a fucking minute - a couple of days earlier,

it would've been him who were the criminal!

They should throw the book at ya!

Is there anything else you two would like to add?

I have let man after man use me

cos it felt good to finally be wanted.

Even when it's scary, I somehow...

I felt powerful and worthless all at the same time.

Bad and good.

And sometimes really fucking good.

What? You shocked?

You fucking disgusted, are ya?!

Well, when you lot force people into the shadows,

don't be surprised when they go fucking dark!

Babes, we need to go, like, now!

Someone's called the police, haven't they? Quick, put this on.

On me?

No, on the party, dickhead.

Hurry up!

Babe, come on.

Come on!

Oh!

- Ugh! - No, please!

Please, please, please, don't hurt me.

Please. Please, I want to confess to a crime. I want to confess.

She told me to confess.

Let me get this right.

You want to willingly confess to a crime?

Yes.

You might want a solicitor present.

I don't think...

I helped rob a man who was going to pay me for sex.

Say that again.

Try and be clearer.

They go out when I'm alone, and I'm looking and I'm chasing!

What have you taken?

Oh, fuck this.

Do you want to go home?

Yeah!

She walks in beauty, like the night

Of cloudless climes and starry skies

And all that's best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes

Thus mellow'd to that tender light

Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less

Had half impair'd the nameless grace

Which waves in every raven tress

Or softly lighten o'er her face

Where thoughts serenely sweet express...

- Byron! - How pure, how dear... - Byron! - ..their dwelling-place...

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow

So soft, so calm, yet eloquent

The smiles that win, the tints that glow

But tell of days in goodness spent

A mind at peace with all below

A heart whose love is...

You've been asleep hours.

How are you feeling?

You've given me a right fright, you have.

First, the bloody police and now this.

I've called your mam, but she's away, so...

Will you eat summat before I have to shove it down your neck?

Is that you up, duckie?

I'm just nipping to shop.

Oh, you're alive, then?

Die, I know this sounds mad, but I think Mommar's trying to poison me.

She keeps trying to control me.

It's the drugs, you twat.

What the bloody hell are you playing at?

- God... - Oh, Jesus Christ. Look at you.

I look like a corpse.

Oh, God, Smanfa, why have I done this to mysen?

I don't know, but it's not fair on your Mommar.

Am I an awful person?

I must be cos I keep doing stupid, awful things.

I don't think awful people worry about being awful.

But you do need to look after yourself,

like, less booze and drugs and everything else.

That sounds worse than this.

There's still time to sign up to college.

You could get a job too.

Oh, yeah, who'd hire me?

My auntie's friend has a call centre.

You like talking.

Just get yourself right.

God, you're always so sensible.

Bet you've never done anything you regret.

Well, I did shag Luke doggy style at the back of the Leisure Centre.

Smanfa! Did ya?!

- Yeah! - Oh, my God!

It was bad! It was so bad!

Right, budge up.

Here you are, love.

Our Lisa's been on. She's going to pop round tomorrow, so be nice, eh?

Mommar...

can I have a cuddle?

Come here.

I'm going to make you so proud, I promise.

I know you will, duckie.

I know you will.

Slap me. I mean it.

Once, but make it count.

Come on, I've been shit. Well, we've both been shit.

We both take things too far, but slap me cos I deserve it.

Fucking slap me and get it over with it.

I've, erm... I've just had my nails done.

Don't want to ruin them. Sorry.

Wait, Sash. Sash, Sash.

Look, I'm sorry.

If I'm honest, I've struggling.

I've not been mysen and I think I just need my friends around me.

Fuckin' 'ell!

Fuck's sake!

You did ask for it, didn't ya?

I don't think Die's talking to me.

Yeah, she's not happy with me either.

And Bev is still raging.

Bradley's tried talking to her, but it's just no use.

How are things with you and him?

Yeah. He, erm, says we've got to be careful,

but he don't want to give up on me, so...

- That's nice. - Yeah.

Tell you what, though - I hate being here alone now.

I reckon every sound's his psycho auntie coming for me.

Oh, God.

I could move in with you if you want.

I, er... I think my Mommar could do with a break from me.

I suppose I could use you as my little guard dog, couldn't I?

Are you trying to say I'm a yappy little bitch?

If the shoe fits...

- Right, wait here. I need to grab a cotton pad. - OK.

Oh, fuck.

Hiya, Byron speaking. With whom am I talking?

Detective Nixon, Nottinghams hire Police.

Hello? Hello?

Er, yeah... Yeah, hi.

Liam Murphy and Arinze Farrell have provided you as an alibi for the

night of January 25th this year.

Can you confirm you were with them on that date?

Er, yeah...

Yeah. Er, yeah, I was.

We were all together at Liam's flat until they got a taxi at about 1am.

And can you confirm your current address for me?

Oh, yeah, well, I've just... I've just moved.

I'm at 206 Finsbury Avenue, Sneinton.

Great. OK, thanks. Thanks for your time.

OK... Thanks.

Thank fuck for that.

- I can't find any. I'm going to have to go to Boots later. - OK, great.

Right, so, are you moving in?

And what qualities do you think you could bring to the role?

Well, I'm fun and I'm friendly,

and I love talking, and when I do something, I go for it.

I don't do anything half-hearted, believe you me.

I like that. I like that a lot.

And I'm sure you don't, but I have to ask,

do you have a criminal record?

Not that I know of.

Now, the final and most important question,

can you start on Monday?

What, you want me?

Oh, my God, I've got the job?

You're exactly the kind of person that we look for

at Merry Men Holidays.

Things are going to change.

Things are going to be different from now.

The new era of Byron is here.

Ahh! Yes!

Sash!

Guess who got the fucking job?!

Sash? You here?

Sash?

Fuckin' hiya, Bradley.

All right?

Byron, shut the fuckin' door!

Shit... Shit, Auntie Bev! Auntie Bev!

Fuck! Byron, you go.

No, I don't fucking think so.

Say we're not here. We'll go out the door or something.

Please. Please, Byron, go.

Right, fine. Right, tell me Mommar I love her, yeah?

Sound, just go.

OK, well... bye, Bradley.

- Hi. - Are you Byron? - Yeah.

You're under arrest on suspicion of a robbery that occurred on the

25th of January at the Ironworks.

You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do

not mention, when questioned,

something which you later rely on in court.

Anything you do say may be given in evidence.