Original subtitles

For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm winning.

Sh.

It's dead woody.

It's what the girl in the shop said.

Would you like it?

Thought it would suit you...

What time is it?

Mate, I thought we could hang out.

Not today. I've got shit to do.

Don't you want to do it again?

I do.

Can't stop thinkin' about it.

I think we should do summat even worse...

Keep your mouth shut, Byron.

Look, we got away with it, yeah? Go and enjoy yoursen.

Like I said, I'm busy.

Hey, girl. What you doing?

Hiya, girls, all ri...

- Hiya, boys. - Sash, you're late...

Oh, I'm so clumsy.

Hurry up, you little slag. Put your minge away.

- Come on. - Come on. - Get up 'ere!

You gettin' dolled up tonight then, or what?!

Me? No, as if...

Die, how'd your audition go?

- Oh, yeah, good. - Did it?!

Yeah, I only went and got it, didn't I!

- Fuck off, did you? - Yeah.

- Die, that's amazing, babe. - Thanks.

I fucking knew you would. Fucking killed it.

Wait, Die, you had an audition and never told me?

Oh, yeah. Well, you said you was going to go to The Bomb,

- to try and fuck Liam! - Oh, yeah.

Well, did you?

Patience, Die. Patience is a virtue...

I reckon he's seein' someone, you know.

Well, if he is, I'll cut her fucking tits off

and string her up by her hair extensions.

That boy is mine, he just doesn't know it yet.

So until then, I'll just...

Shag all his mates?

Yeah, exactly!

Yeah, I thought so.

Well, go on, have a look around.

I bet you'd look unreal in a nice little lob.

Short little skirt. Here ya are, look at this.

What you reckon?

Are you three in a band, then?

Oh, yeah, we are, actually.

We're an S Club 7 tribute band!

- Oh, right! - Mm-hm. I'm Rachel. She's Jo.

And this is Jon.

Ooh, right. Well, let me know if you want owt.

There's more out the back, if you want to have a look!

- Oooh, have you? - Yeah. Do you want to come and have a look?

Well, go on, then, duckie, let's have a look.

Fucking Jon, are you kidding?

- Sash... - Mm?

Got to be really something to pull off blonde.

I'll do your make-up.

Will you?

Yeah.

How much is she?

I don't know. I think she's quite expensive.

It will be great for the show. I'm going to give it one of these...

Ooh!

I'll give it one of these.

I might even give it one of these.

- Shake your booty. - Die, Die, Die...

- What?! - Wait! - Wait!

God, this colour is gorgeous on you.

- Is it? - Yeah.

- Well, let me just... - Nah-ah-ah... Stop!

- OK. - Sh.

God.

Call me fuckin' Tranny and Susannah...

Die.

Can I get some appreciation over 'ere?!

Fucking 'ell, Sash!

Oh, my God, Byron, you look beautiful, you know?

- What, do I? - Yeah.

Wait, but do I look like a girl?

You look like a prostitute.

I am a prostitute.

Do I have beautiful lips?

Hey, Bev, you all right?

Yeah. Are you all right, slag bags?

Fucking 'ell, not you and all.

What's wrong with havin' a cock these days? Eh?

Where is he?

Oi, Bradders...

Bradders, come 'ere.

Now, listen, look after these lot, all right? They're me mates.

This is me nephew, Bradley. Got him a job on't doors, an't I?

Showin' him the bastard ropes...

Ey, what, err, where am I going?

Oh, oh. Err! Every time.

Classic.

Oi, hands off the merch, yeah?

Right, come on.

Any problems, all right, you find me, you find Bradders, all right,

cos we will FUCK EM UP!

Oi, mate, I fucking already told you!

Get 'ere now.

See, told you...

All right, girls.

- I just nearly shit Masen... - Innit?

But he was dead sexy, weren't he?

He's unreal. I bet he's got a massive cock.

Oh, God.

Head's up, Hannahs incoming.

How d'ya know they're called Hannah?

They're always called Hannah.

Here we fuckin' go...

You've got better legs than ME!

Yeah, a lot of people do, babes. It's not that fucking hard.

No, I meant he...

I mean, she...

Shim? Shemale?

You know what, babes, could be worse.

Some people are born without charisma.

And there's no operation for that.

Yeah, well, I'd rather be boring than look like a bad drag queen.

I hope yous get the fuckin' clap!

Right, come on, girls.

She is rank!

Right, girls, fuck this...

I know...

It's fucking dry in here, innit?

Yeah. Do you want to go?

Shall we?

- Yeah. - Come on, babes.

Sash, we're going.

I'm going to get a man tonight if it kills me.

There's always Hucknall Bob's girl...

As if, babes. I'm a hot new blonde, I can have who I like.

Here we are...

- What about these? - Oi! Dirty bastard!

Oi, get back, ya slag!

That's not very nice, is it?

But that is.

Why's it hard?

It's not hard.

Well, it looks hard to me.

That's just how big it is.

Oi, Sash, Die, does he look hard to you?

I'm not sure.

Could be harder.

I don't know about you lot,

but I reckon this needs further investigation.

Can me mates come?

Yeah, yeah, I'm down.

I've got no problem with that.

Have yous?

Oh, go on, then.

Pete, thanks for havin' us, babes.

You always treat us, don't you?

Where did you say you found these creatures?

Oh, none of your business.

How old are you?

Old enough.

You're a naughty girl, aren't you?

I like it.

I'll look after you.

I don't need lookin' after.

You like that, don't you?

- I want to get inside you. - Yeah.

Hey. Yeah... Oh, wait. Wait. Wait.

- What's up with you? - Nothing...

I thought you wanted it.

Yeah, I do just...

Let me see how wet you are, then.

Whoo, no, no, no...

What the fuck?

Are you...

Are you a man?

OI! OI! Get back here, you...

Fucking slag.

All right, babe, you done?

Come here... Hey, where the fuck do you think you're going?

- Hey! Hey! - Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Open up! Open the door you...

What you fucking doin'?

Just a bit of foot therapy.

Open that fucking door!

Hurry. We've got to go, Die, NOW.

- Why?! - Die, just fucking move. We've got to go now!

Why?!

Hey! Open up!

You fucking tranny bastard. Come here!

Fucking 'ell. I didn't think you'd get that far!

See, I think it's best to tell them straight away,

so they don't feel disrespected, you know?

Listen, if a man's letting you suck his dick

and he's not even asked your name yet, fuck him.

- Not literally. - It's not about them.

See, I tell 'em for me, cos I don't want no drama.

But have you two had bad reactions as well?

No, cos if you look good, they actually don't care.

Fucking bitch.

Yeah, well, that's when you use the script, don't you?

What's the script?

Oh, it's just this stupid thing...

It's not stupid!

Basically, when you've been dancin' with a guy all night, you know,

you've had a few drinks and you end up takin him home

and you're both feeling the vibe.

But...

before you get carried away, you lean in an' you tell him...

There's something I need to tell ya.

What?

See, I just tell 'em...

I've, erm...

I've got a dick.

See, I think you've got to soften it out a bit, you know.

No, she drags it out.

Erm, wait, wait.

So what...

what do you say?

So I say to him...

I, erm...

I wasn't born with ovaries.

What do you mean?

See, I can't be arsed with all that.

They always end up askin' anyway.

Have ya got a dick?

And that is when the cycle starts.

What's the cycle?

Oh, just summat they need to go through.

And it usually starts with...

I'm not gay, you know?

Then, after about five minutes, they'll go...

I've never been in this situation.

Then, after about 20 minutes...

20? Boo for you, girl.

What? Whatever.

Anyway, about 20 minutes later,

they all turn around and say the same thing.

And what's that?

OK.

You can suck my dick.

- Oh, fuck. - Shit.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

What do you say to that?!

Oh, go on, then, duckie.

It's proper Shakespeare, isn't it?

Yeah, erm...

All that... just to suck a cock?

Well, don't call us when you're sat at home

like a fucking dried-up spinster.

What if one of them try and fuckin' kill you?

Well, it's not happened to me.

Not yet, anyway.

Die, I don't think I'm cut out for all this.

Oh. Oh, no, no, no. Listen, babes...

Look, I wouldn't say this if I didn't mean it,

but I KNOW you've got what it takes

to be a proper slag.

Serious.

Thanks.

Die!

Ya all right, darlin'?

Oh, shit... Hi, Stella.

Die. Die, I didn't know your mum was here.

I would have taken all my make-up off.

Oh, no, no, don't worry about all that stuff, babes.

Yeah, my mum's cool with it.

- She borrows my bloody wigs! - Does she? - Yeah.

Babes, I bet she don't know how you get 'em!

Lunch is ready.

What is it?

Mutton stew.

Mm-mm!

Mother, that taste good, you know.

- Thanks, Mum. - God, I love her.

- She's great, innit? - Yeah.

Can I have some water?

I sound like Sasha.

Ey, speaking of...

I saw you with Liam the other night.

Please tell me there's nothin' goin' on.

Oh, Die, as if! Babe, I shared a cig with him, that was it.

We barely even spoke.

Well, good.

Cos Sasha would kill you.

What's that?

What?

That, under your make-up.

I got jumped.

Babe, when?!

The night of my audition.

Err, you were with your mamma.

Shit.

Yeah.

It is what it is, though, innit?

Just got to move on.

I mean, it was my own fault, anyway.

I mean, babes, what was I thinking going out dressed like that?

Yeah, it's not... Die, don't... don't... don't say that.

Die...

are you OK?

Yeah.

Yeah! Yeah, I am.

Honestly.

Oh, Byron, my love?

Are you staying for lunch?

Fuck.

Fuck. What time is it?!

Sorry, Stella, I have to run.

- Hiya. - Hi, you OK?

Yeah, fine.

- What you wearing that for? - What you wearing THAT for...

- Hi. - Byron!

Nice to meet you, finally.

Oh, God, a hug. Hi.

Erm, it's a nice place you've got.

Oh, thanks.

Your mam says it needs a woman's touch.

Oh, God, she'll always find something to touch.

- Come on through. - Oh, thanks.

Take your shoes off.

It's a big house, innit?

OK, folks, here we go.

- Thank you. - Thanks, Bobby.

- No problem. - All the same.

- There you go, Byron. - Thanks, Mum.

- Oh, thank you, darling. - No, thank you.

Yeah, that's yours, I believe. I put the semi-skimmed in it for you.

Thank you.

- So do you know the Mountford estate then, Bobby? - Byron...

What? Bobby, our house is the nicest on the estate.

It is, you can't miss it.

It's the one with the broken fence the council can't be arsed to fix.

Yeah, but it's nice on the inside.

Yeah, it is now. It is.

So what do you do, then, Bobby?

Accountant.

What, really?

- Maths! Bit of a geek. - Oh, my God, that's amazing.

Her usual type, they can't count to ten, can they?

- Byron! - Oh, God, sorry. - You'll make me spill.

Oh, not on them jeans. Sorry.

I hear you're sitting your final exam tomorrow.

Yeah, I am.

- Have you decided what you're doing next? - Oh, I...

I don't know yet. I'm not too sure.

Yeah, you do, you're doing sixth form.

Yeah, well, hopefully, fingers crossed.

Fantastic.

Good for you, son!

Oh, thanks.

You stayin' for dinner? Your mam's makin' coq au vin...

- What? - Oh, yeah, but you probably can't stay that long, can you?

Because, you know, you got your big day tomorrow.

You got to revise.

Yeah.

Yeah, I do.

But... but next time, Bobby.

You wait.

Coq au vin, I'm in.

What do you think?

Yeah. I think he's nice,

and he really likes you.

I think he's going to be really good for us.

Yeah.

You know, he's asked me to move in with him and Robert!

Oh... Wow. Tha... Tha...

That's amazing, Mum.

Yeah. Can't believe it!

- All right, then. Well, good luck for tomorrow. - OK.

And give me a call. Let me know how it goes.

- Yeah, I will. - All right. - OK. bye.

Bye.

You take that one.

You looking, darling?

20 for oral, 50 all the way.

Yeah?

Fuck, fuck.

Fuck.

Yeah, it's time to go, duck.

You looking?

It's, er... It's 20 for oral.

What about fucking?

I can't, I'm on my period.

What's your name?

Nicole.

Like the car advert.

There's, er...

There's summat you should know. I've, er...

I've got a...

In there?

Yeah.

Turn around.

Clean it.

You're gorgeous.

And...

if you ever need...

anything...

It's dangerous out 'ere.

David.

Where you been?

Just... here.

I've got an English exam later so I've just been revising.

No, last night, where were you?

I couldn't sleep, so I just went out on my bike.

I didn't think you'd care.

You think I'm stupid, don't you?

Deano saw you...

going down Notts.

I ain't been down Notts.

Yeah, don't get fucking smart.

I know a lot of people.

You think I don't know what's going on?

Do you know how this looks?

Sorry, I didn't...

Sorry.

Oh, no, you're all right. You find it fucking funny, do you?

No, I don't. I don't... I don't find it funny.

Right, OK, well...

you can fuck off to wherever the fuck it is

you've been sneaking off to, cos I don't have to put up with you.

You're 16 now, aren't you?

You know what?

I am 16.

All you care about is yoursen.

Well, let me tell you summat - you walk out this house a boy,

but one day, you'll come back...

and when you do, you will be a man.

I wouldn't hold your breath.

There are perks to being a problem child.

There's no fear for us.

No shame.

We know who we are and what we want.

Ew! You dirty slag!

I'm not a slag.

I'm... er...

Sexually liberated!

So, go on, fuck off.

You cunts.

So call me a freak,

a slag,

a dirty degenerate.

I don't give a fuck what you think.

Throw me to the dogs.

Cos I've got fuck all to lose.

- So she's gone and done it, then? - Yep.

Hello, officer.

- Hi. - Hi. This way, please.

Thanks.

No good?

I didn't come here to eat, did I?

Why do you do it?

Do what?

Fuck strangers in parks. What do you think?

Well, it's fun, innit?

If you need money...

I don't need money.

What, so you just like being afraid?

Plenty of other ways to do that.

Jump out of a plane.

Become a policeman.

You're a shit policeman.

You're worth more than you reckon.

Got promoted to Flying Squad.

Oh, did you? What do Flying Squad entail?

Firearms, gun crime.

They don't call it Shottingham for no reason.

I start Monday.

Right, well...

Well done.

I'm serious.

All it takes is you pissing...

Why do you care so much?

Is this a date?

Oh, my God, look at you.

Ah, we're on a date, aren't we?

You look dead sexy when you're embarrassed.

I don't date prozzies, I fuck 'em.

- Right, well come on, then, let's... - Usually only the once.

That's for them, not you.

Go home.

Well, he basically wants to marry the fuck out of me.

No, he wants to Pretty Woman the fuck out of you.

There's a big difference. It's a fetish, you know.

Yeah, every girl's dream, babes!

You know there's more to life than male validation?

Yeah, that's cause you're a fucking rug-muncher, Nikki.

Oh, I'm serious.

What do you get from letting a random bloke grope you in a club?

- Everything. - Letting you suck his dick in a dirty alleyway?

Er, pride, babes, that he actually thinks I'm a girl.

You should be proud, Die.

You taught me everything I know, you little slag.

And besides, Nik,

some of us just like cock!

Yeah, we know. It's all you fucking talk about nowadays, Byron.

It's getting really fucking boring.

Oh, you jealous, Sash?

Cos every man who walked past wants to fuck me, I'm so gorgeous!

Hi.

All right, then, why don't we see if they agree?

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, my God. Is that Bev's nephew?!

Is it? Even better.

Er, no, babes, if he found out, he would kill you.

And the same wi' Bev.

Fuck it.

- What? - They having a laugh?

She doesn't pissing listen.

Us lot, in there? These ain't our people, babe.

Yeah, I know.

Look, I'll just text you when I'm home, yeah?

I'll be all right.

- Bye, babe. - See you in a bit. - Stay safe.

Love you, girls.

My God.

We're going to die in here.

Oh, here comes trouble...

- Hiya, Bradley. - Hiya, Brad.

Do you remember me? It's Sasha.

Bev's mates from the club.

What the fuck are you lot doing here?

Oh, she wanted to see if anyone fancied a little snooker game.

Thanks.

I'm on your team, Bradley.

- Die. - Mm-hm?

Me and you, babes.

Go and do your thing, babes.

OK.

Two on one, yeah?

Oh, yeah. She's great at sports.

Oh! You're so good.

Oh, fuck's sake.

- That's not bad. - Thanks.

Am I, erm... Am I doing this right, Bradley?

Eh? Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah? - Yeah, go on.

- There you go. - I'm so good.

God, guess those big hands are useful.

Oh, Bradley, could you help me?

Just, I've never played before.

- Come here. - OK.

Now, like this...

I'm a bit nervous.

Would you ever fuck a transsexual, Bradley?

- Are you taking the piss? - What?

Sash...

What?

Hello?

Hiya.

- Hiya. - Are you taking the piss?

He's mine. Fuck off.

Just you fucking wait.

All right. Yeah, yeah. See you soon.

All right.

Oh, was that you girlfriend, then, yeah?

Eh? No, no, no, it was, er, me Auntie Bev.

Oh, what, is Bev's coming here?

Yeah, she'll be buzzing to see you lot.

Oh, do you know what, girls? I'm not feeling too good, you know?

Maybe we should go.

Are you not?

Oh, well, why don't you and Sasha go? You live so close.

Bradley, do you drive?

Only, I've got to get back all the way to Hucknall

and I'm terrified of public transport.

Will you take me?

Bradley, you've got ten seconds to pick one of us

to suck you off in the toilets.

- Which one is it? - What?!

What, you're not serious, are you, though?

Just fucking chose.

Quick.

It's not hard.

Sasha. Come on, then.

Fuck's sake.

Stupid dickhead.

Oh, girls, you will never believe how big his cock is.

He nearly knocked a fucking tooth out.

And he even used the script as well. He said, "I'm not gay, you know!"

Right. Let's go, then. Come on.

Oh, girls, it was just a bit of fun.

Fun? What, nearly outing us in a room full of fucking men?

Yeah, real fun, Sash.

Yeah, we knew you were desperate, Sash,

but no-one knew you were that fucking desperate.

You're just jealous, Byron, that I've got everything they want -

the face, the hair and the body.

What, you mean tits so big, no-one has to look

at your botched fucking face?

Yeah, good one, babes.

I'd get a fucking refund.

You ugly fucking bitch.

Yeah, you might get a shag every now and then

but it's cos people think you're fucking easy!

And you're just a little boy...

with daddy issues, playing dress up.

- Er, now, Sash, that ain't on. - You know what? It's fine.

You're a fucking fake!

I'm a fake?

Liam weren't saying that when I was fucking him.

Did you hear that?

I've been fucking him, Sash.

So guess what?

I win.

I fucking win.

Sash!

I win, Sash.

I always fucking win.

So, go on, fuck off!

Byron.

What?

Why didn't you tell me?

Right, and then what?

Well...

I emptied his bank accounts at a local petrol station

while Liam stuck him up.

Fucking hell, Byron! Are you mad?!

I know, but he's not going to talk, is he? Babe, he's a nonce.

Right. And Liam?

Well, he weren't bothered with me, either.

- What you doing? - Good!

I'm blocking his number an' all.

You... are a fucking idiot, do you know that?

Like, why can't you just find a decent guy?

What about that David?

I swear, he likes you.

He's a police officer.

Are you fuckin' mad?!

No, you've lost your fucking mind, babes!

Shit!

White people, man. Pure drama.

- Oh, babe, what am I like? - Yeah, what are you fucking like?

I can't believe you did that to Sash as well.

No, but, Die, I promise, it was...

It just came out.

Yeah, well, you two just need to stop this rivalry bullshit.

I mean, it's her. She's a fucking bitch.

Er, she's been through a lot, babes.

She grew up in care. Her family didn't want nothing to do with her.

She's got no-one.

And if I've learnt anything recently...

it's that we need to stick together.

Look, don't worry about the past now.

Because you can't change it, can you? So leave it.

But, please, no more drama, girl...

Because me can't tek it no more. Me tired!

Oh, babe, you look tired.

Ah! You cheeky bitch!

Hey, promise me.

Promise.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Liam Murphy?

♪ That boy, that, that, that... ♪