Original subtitles

They say it's a dangerous world.

Don't play with matches.

Don't get run over.

Don't get AIDS.

Don't smoke.

Say no to drugs. Say no to strangers.

Do you want one of these?

Don't forget to wear a seat belt.

And above all, whatever you do, do not fucking die.

Jimmy!

Thing is, I'm not one to say no to drugs, or strangers.

God knows why I'm the way I am, but...

I am.

You know that dropping feeling you get

when you're on a roller-coaster?

That wave inside your body?

Like you want to go to the toilet?

It's kind of scary.

And sexual.

I know it's bad for me,

but I can't stop myself,

cos I am bad.

And so what?

Cos in the end, summat's going to get you.

Did they, er...

Did they use a Johnny?

I'll have to drop you here.

My wife'll ask questions as it is.

Not in the middle of friggin' nowhere? I don't bloody think so.

Get out the fucking car!

Call a taxi.

Businesses have expenses.

You fucking dickhead!

Die, thank fuck.

- Hey up, slag. - You're never

going to fucking believe what...

- Whoa, whoa! What the fuck is that? - What the fuck's what?

It's an angry bastard horse.

Where the hell are you?

Cheese on rice!

Imagine you'd been stranded there all night.

Cruising used to have an allure,

a code.

Some decorum.

Oh, my God, babes.

So I was in the club last night, yeah, and this peng-ass-looking guy

comes up to me and he gives me his business card.

What's his business?

Well, he makes like music videos and that.

Anyway, he saw me dancin' and wants me to audition.

- What? - Hmm. - Oh, my God, babe. You have to.

Yeah, but... What if it's like a set-up or summat,

and he don't know that I'm not, you know...?

Well, then, I'll come with you.

Babe, this is major. You can't miss out on this.

- What, will you really? - Yeah.

Promise.

Thanks, babes.

- But no telling Sasha, yeah? - Yeah.

Cos she'll just take the fucking piss.

♪ You might just burn your fingers if you reach for the stars

- ♪ But if you don't have... ♪ - Peter. Peter, Peter!

Peter! Uh-uh.

Fucking don't, all right?

"Come mine for a spliff."

So, what you been up to, then?

I heard summat about you.

What?

I heard that you love giving head.

From who?!

Honestly! The things people say about me.

Black Beauty said, "A bad-tempered man'll never make

"a good-tempered horse."

What the fuck you on about?

What's Black bloody Beauty?

It's this, like, autobiography of a horse,

and all the good and bad it goes through.

Do you get me?

Horses can't read or write.

Can you?

Cheeky fuck...

- What are you doing that for? - Oh, it needs doing.

You're all right, aren't you?

Mmm...

I'm an original.

You missed a knife.

What the? What...

What the fuck you doing?

Shit.

Sorry.

I were only joking.

What've you got that for?

Protection.

Some twat reckons I owe him money.

Er, look, my dad'll go mad if I'm back late,

so I should probably get off.

It'll be dark soon.

Well, don't.

Stay over?

You coming, then, or what?

Like I'd fall for that.

Fine. Freeze your tits off there, then.

How did that happen?

I got shanked.

Did it hurt?

Yo?

Liam!

Liam!

Oh, fuckin' 'ell...

I know you are in there, man... Hurry up!

Yo!

Get up! For fuck's sake, hurry up!

- Fuck's sake! - Liam!

Do you want me to kick this door in or what?

Shit, shit, shit!

Tick-fuckin'-tock, boy! Tick-tock!

Rinze, sorry, bruv. Wagwan?

Hi.

- We've got shit to do. - Yeah, he's pissing off.

Ta, then.

"These violent delights have violent ends."

You know, you might actually do well at your GCSEs

if you came school more often.

I'm going to quit this once it's legal.

Just don't start taking more illegal substances, will you?

You didn't do any of that stuff before these new mates.

What you doing for your birthday, anyway?

This and that.

Going out with Mommar for her big Five-Oh.

Getting off me head on loads and loads of drugs.

- Erm, you know that guy Luke on Messenger? - Mmm?

He's taking me ice-skating.

Romantic, eh?

Babes, he wants to pop your cherry.

It's the only reason men do that stuff.

I've, er...

I've got someone new.

- What happened to that Max? - Fuck him, he's old news.

This new boy, Liam... It's a fit name, isn't it, Liam?

And, Smanfa, oh, my God, he's so fit!

He's a proper little rude boy.

He's got his own car and a flat near town.

I stayed over the other night. And, oh, fuck me, it was so hot.

You could bring him ice skating!

I don't think we're the ice skating type, babes.

Sorry.

Byron? You here?

Oh, for fuck's sake!

- I just asked if you were in. - Yeah, well, it would appear that I am.

So... Sorry.

Right. Well, erm...

Me and Kim are getting a takeaway.

Chinese.

Oh, that's posh.

Yeah.

So, we'll be downstairs if...

Right, well...

You two enjoy.

Yeah.

- If you... - Ste, where's your plates?

Corner cupboard!

I'll see you later.

Hello, stranger.

Yeah, do us a favour.

Meet me at Hucknall Market bogs tomorrow, 3pm.

OK, well...

- Ey-up, Liam. - Don't use my name.

Oh, why are we using pseudonyms?

Did you tell someone about the other night?

- Don't fucking lie to me! - No, I'm not.

I'm not, I didn't. I promise. I swear. Promise.

But I enjoyed it. Did you?

Listen, I told an old client about you.

He's into some kinky shit, but he's interested... and he's loaded.

Right...

We could make a bomb from him...

if you wanted to, er...

help me out.

Yeah, maybe.

Dean.

I'm with him now. Here.

- Tell him you're 15. - Go on.

Hi...

Are you there?

So, yeah, you're Liam's friend?

Hmm. Yeah, why? What's he been saying about me?

That you are naughty.

Oh, I'm very naughty.

You sound a bit girlie. Or you just young?

Mmm... 16.

Well, I will be in a few weeks. Why?

You going to treat me?

Going to squeeze me in before, you bad boy?

Oh, you need punishing.

Are you going to do what you're told, you little slut?

Mmm. You'll have to talk to my business manager.

Yeah, it's going to cost you.

How's about Friday?

I'll send you the location.

Good job.

He really wants you.

Don't you?

Friday.

And dress like a lad.

None of that girlie shit.

Hey, hey, don't worry.

I'll look after you.

- Cheers to... - To anal.

To anal!

I tell you want, though - there is no fit guys here tonight.

Why is there no-one decent to shag in Nottingham nowadays?

Babes, there's loads of guys.

You've just fucking shagged everyone already.

Fair enough!

So what's with the Ali G vibes?

- Hmm? - Nothing.

You are looking rather more on the boyish side of things this evening.

Don't get a hard on, Pete!

Who is he, then? Spill.

Just...

someone.

Well, if that's what he's going for, he's barking up the wrong tree,

- don't you think? - What my man wants, he gets.

Hmm, what's that, Chlamydia?

Ooh! That's a big word, Sash.

Spell it.

Ooh... bitch!

We'll wait!

Right, I'm off.

Enjoy your imaginary date, babes.

Jealousy looks ugly on you, Sash.

Just like everything else.

Get fucked, Byron!

God, they're big fucking hands, aren't they? Night, babe.

- Cheeky fucker! - She's getting out of control. She is out of control.

She got you there, babes!

What is this place?

Left behind from the old Ironworks.

Had some wicked parties here.

You scared, Byron?

No.

Why are we doing this here?

I don't want that creep knowing where I live.

Ta.

It's my birthday next Saturday.

My Mommar's going to be 50 as well.

We're taking her downtown, to the gay pub.

You could come. Next Saturday.

- What? What is it? - He's fucking cancelled.

Fucking bastard! Without that cash, Byron, I'm dead.

I'm fucking dead!

Bloody! Fucking! Cunt!

Argh! Argh!

Ooh, f-...

Are you taking the piss?

Do you know what, Steve? I'm not been spoken to like this...

- No? - No. Not by a dumb fucking twat.

- Who you fucking calling dumb, you mutt?! - I'm calling you fucking dumb!

Shut the fuck up, man! Take your stuff and bye.

- Fuck off! - All right, I will. - Yeah. - I will.

You're off your fucking head!

You know what? You're a fucking psycho, Steve!

You want to call me off my head,

cos something's not fucking right with you!

- The bloke said hello to me. - Yeah. What you fucking say to him?

- Fuck off! - You fucking slag!

There's no wonder your son's how he is.

Bye, Kim!

Here you are. Happy birthday!

Aw, thanks.

You're only bothered about the money anyway, ain't you?

I'm, er...

I'm going to stay at my Mommar's tonight.

Right, cheers!

Happy Birthday!

Come on, Mommar!

Oi. She's my mommar, mot yours.

Don't this lot make you feel like you're old?

Excuse me, while I attend to the bathroom.

What... What did I say?

He don't reference his advancing years.

Has he not got any friends his own age, then?

Everyone gets on with everyone round here.

- True. - Yeah, especially if they pay!

- You're going to have to come out with us more often, MJ. - Yes!

- No. - No.

No, no! It'll take me till I'm 50 to recover.

Right. Whose round is it now?

- Yours. - It's yours, babe.

Wait, I think Byron's got a job,

so I think that makes it your round, B.

Have you got a job, duckie?

Oh, yeah. Lots of jobs.

Hand jobs. Rim jobs. Blow jobs.

Sash. Bogs. Now.

- Right, let's dance! - No, I'm all right. - Yeah, come on.

- Oh, come on, MJ, show us your moves! - Come on.

Right, wait till you see her moves.

There will be fire on the dance floor!

♪ Where did we go wrong?

♪ Where did we lose our faith?

♪ My brother is in need

♪ But can he depend on me?

♪ Do you think if one of you tried

♪ Maybe you could find

♪ A better friend than any other?

♪ If you gave more than you took

♪ Life could be so good

♪ Come on and try, now's the time

♪ Cos you're free... ♪

Come Phunked.

Oh, damn. I were meant to smoke this before midnight.

It's my lucky cig.

I don't want you having bad lungs like me.

I worry you're growing up too fast.

Yeah, well, can't be your little duckie forever, can I?

Yeah, but you will be.

Right, come on, let's get you in a taxi.

And, hey, no chatting to strange men, you hear?

You don't need any more. You don't need any more shots.

- Take it off her. - Oh, God! - Do not drop on my new top.

I don't know who you do it...

Eurgh!

What's going on?

I could put that fucking drink over your head!

Er, I've told her. And she's sorry, aren't you, Sash?

Right, come on, we're going Phunked.

My birthday. My choice.

Hurry up!

Happy birthday!

Er, babe, we should go to the bar.

Yeah. Come on.

Leave it out if you want.

I've got a surprise for you...

if you can handle it.

I can handle anything.

You know all the hot spots, don't you?

This place is one big shithole.

I ain't getting stuck here, you know.

Fuck that!

We should run away together.

That's the drugs talking.

Is it?

Relax, mate.

- OK? - Yeah.

Breathe.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

That feel good?

- Yeah. - That feel good? Yeah?

- Oh, I don't know what to have. - Just have a bit of what you fancy.

I can't face anything.

Well, that's nice, isn't it?

Bring you somewhere nice and you can't eat.

It's not that special.

It's really lovely, duck.

There you go.

I'll get you the trainers that you want, too,

but this was one of your favourites when you were younger, so...

Aw!

Thank you.

I can't believe you're 16.

I can't believe I'm old enough to have a 16-year-old.

- Ooh, no, I don't think that's for us. - Yeah, it is.

- It's from Bobby. Thank you. - Who the fuck's Bobby?

Language.

Mother, dearest, who is this Bobbington of which thou speaketh?

All right, you don't have to take the piss. He's my new fella.

He's from work, and he's lovely, actually. He's really lovely.

Well, he must be all right for a few bob. Bobby.

Ha-ha.

Ta.

Thank you.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- Cheers. - Happy birthday. - Happy birthday. - Happy birthday.

Do you want to see some photos? So that's us at Chatsworth.

- They filmed Pride and Prejudice there. - Oh!

- Oh, that's... - Who's that?

Robert, that's Bobby's son.

Does Bobby know I exist?

Don't be so stupid. 'Course he does.

That's a nice one.

Right. Are we ready to order?

Can't you just be happy for me?

- He is. Aren't you? - I'm ecstatic.

I mean, it'd be terrible to meet someone, fall in love

and have someone else piss all over it.

Er, can I have the lamb, please?

Right. I'm going to pop to the loo.

Hey, babe...

- See you later. - I love you.

Go on. Come bingo.

It'll be fun, the three of us.

I can't keep doing this, Byron.

Yeah, well, I'm 16 now, Lisa, so consider yourself emancipated.

You can look that up later.

You're being horrible!

Bingo.

- Die... - Babes, where are you? I just got here.

Die, I'm so sorry. I were meant to text you.

It's my Mommar. She's not well. I've got to stay with her.

Die?

Er... It's fine.

Look, erm, I've got to go, yeah? But I hope she gets better soon.

Fucking smash it, you're amazing! Yeah, I love you.

Die?

Hey, I am having some of that! Oi! That's a fella...

- What are you talking about? - That's a fella.

- I am telling you now, that's a fella. - Is it?

Yeah, yeah, it is, I am telling you...

You won't get a tranny in Notts.

Are you coming home with us? Eh, where you off to?

Hey! Hey! Hey, I'm talking to you!

He's not cancelled again, has he?

You ready to handle that surprise?

We take his cards and we drain them.

Byron...

He's a filthy fucking nonce.

He waited until you were two days legal for this! Come on.

Are you not tired of being fucked over, your entire life?

Go on, then.

He's here.

In his fucking Merc.

Right, don't actually shoot him.

Nice wheels, mate.

Sorry I'm late. Been a busy day.

You happy?

I want him to call me "Sir".

Pay up and he will.

What would you like... Sir?

Get on your knees, boy.

Get it out, then, you little slut.

Now do what Sir wants you to.

Do as your told and you'll be fine.

On your knees... boy.

PIN numbers, Dean?

- Liam... - PIN numbers!

2... 2956.

- And the others, come on! - They're all the same!

You better not be lying to me, Dean.

I swear to God, I'll fucking kill you.

I'm not. I'm not. I promise.

Remember - max withdrawal before midnight,

and you do it again after.

You're going to keep me company, aren't you?

Yes, you are!

There's another inside. Just at the back.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...

The PIN, it...

It didn't work.

- What's going on? - Did you lie to me about the PIN?

- Did you fucking lie to me?! - No.

I'm not... I'm sorry. I don't... I can't think straight!

Any more mistakes and I'll fucking end you, Dean.

2956.

2956.

2956.

Yeah. Yeah.

2956, 2956...

You'll need to be quick.

- I'm locking that door in a few. - Yeah, I will be. Thanks.

Oh, fuck!

- You done there, then? - Er, yeah, almost.

Come on, then.

Sorry. It's for my Mommar. She's like, "This much from that one",

- and then "That from this"... - She shouldn't give her PIN out.

Well, she's housebound. Yeah.

We're like peas in a pod.

Except she fucking insists doing everything cash.

You'll have to be quick, luv. I'm about to lock up.

Up. Sort yourself out.

And stop fucking snivelling, yeah? You're fine.

You tell anyone

and everyone finds out you're Dean, the dirty little paedo.

Got it?

Yeah?

Good.

Fuck off!

Come on, then! Come on, then! Come on, then!

Woo!

I almost feel sorry for him.

What are you doing? Liam?

Liam, what the fuck are you doing?

- Pack it in, Liam, please. - Shut your fucking mouth now.

- Shut up npw. - Liam, stop it. Liam.

- Shut up. - Liam, put the fucking gun down. - Shut your mouth!

Stop fucking talking! Bye-bye, Byron!

That's not fucking funny, you fucking prick!

- It's a fake! - Fuck's sake! - You fucking plank.

Rinze? Yeah. Yeah, I got the cash.

I know, bruv. I know. I know. I know.

Eh, you bring a piece. I'll be there in 20. Yeah?

Safe.

Tell no-one.

And if you ever speak to me like that again...

I'll fucking kill you!

It really is a dangerous world, isn't it?

Maybe we're never really safe,

just lucky for a while.

But I make my own luck -

cos in the end, the only way to stop people running you over

is to run over them first.