Original subtitles

Free Da Heat. I'm actually an artist.

Oh, my God, I'm an artist, too.

I can see that in you.

She needs 24-hour, round-the-clock care from a professional.

You pee in the shower, don't you?

I do pee in the shower. I'm peeing right now.

You, Jane and Levi are like this impenetrable trio

and it always leaves me in this really weird place.

Sam was my brother.

The one who... Yeah. Aneurysm just...

Pwwwwh!

Chicken, sure! Put the fucking skewer down! Put the skewer down.

All right, all right, all right!

You can afford to let go of me a little bit.

I will be fine, I won't die.

I called you and, what, your wife answers the phone?

Well...

Tonight, OK? I promise you'll get to at least third base, lights on.

I don't understand the base system,

but that is VERY exciting!

It terrifies me that you don't know that there are three holes.

I know there are three holes.

Then why are you waving that thing around

like a fucking virgin on prom night?

Because I don't want to hurt her, obviously. OK, just...

There you go. Ah! Ooh! WATER TRICKLING

Have you been drinking?

I had a night-cap.

It's 7am. All right, Big Ben!

TAPPING

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't shake it like it's a tiny plastic dick!

HE EXHALES

Skol!

Leevo. Big Leevs.

Leave it out... Hi, Daniel.

How you doing, mate? Oh, yeah, I am smashing it.

Right. Not like...

Oh! Hi. Imo, have you met Levi?

Hi. He's my oldest friend.

Family friend.

It's a nice spot, isn't it? Tonnes of heavy machinery.

Do you guys live nearby?

Oh! God, no.

No. No, no, no.

So, we saw this place on Time Out and we just kind of fancied

a little bit of edge for our engagement party.

Sure. Yeah, I mean, they only have Prosecco,

which is...fun.

Oh, God. Mm. Have you guys got security

just in case any of the locals try and get in?

So, cooking, huh?

Always knew you'd do something different.

What's on the menu, Chef?

A risotto. Ooh! Ooh!

In Milano, they say it should flow like lava.

Famously hard to get right.

Ah-ah, you know, it's hardly investment banking.

Asset management. Same thing.

Ooh! It's not.

I know! I know!

Argh! It's not.

Hey, listen, erm, don't be shy about invoicing, OK?

Dad told me about your rough patch.

Mm. Anything we can do to help.

Thank you...mate.

Please, don't be embarrassed.

I know lots of people with mental health.

Right. OK. Er, catch you in a bit.

Fuck off.

Charger? Check.

Catheters? Yep.

Frittata.

Oh, it's in the hamper.

No shit stuff?

Nope. Don't need it. OK.

Did you find my red lingerie set?

Er...no.

Ah, Jo!

Deep-clean it and give it back.

Abe got me that as a gift.

So, a night away, just you and Abe.

You sure you're feeling OK about it? Yeah.

Like, I'm really looking forward to some one-on-one time,

even if that means he gets really acquainted with my urethra. Fair.

Plus, I think it's a good thing that he's not here for Levi's first gig.

Time for Daddy to cut the umbilical cord.

What about you? Just happy to help?

What with the truck?

Abe asked me to.

Since when did you ever listen to Abe?

I also find the idea of spending time alone with Levi terrifying.

He's not THAT bad!

What? I thought you'd be pissed if I said no.

Plus, I'm trying to make more of an active effort with Abe.

Oh...my...God.

What?

You're fucking Levi.

SHE LAUGHS

Just kidding! Ha-ha.

Your face!

I mean, that would be so gross.

Can you imagine?

I mean, that would be like the worst thing that you could ever do.

Don't you have some disgusting fuck-a-thon to be getting to?

Listen to you, you sound just like a real chef!

Now, look, today, this a warm-up, OK?

You get today right, you could have months of bookings lined up!

Stop pacing, I can literally hear you pacing.

Abe! It's time to go!

OK.

Don't get hot-headed. All right?

Look, definitely don't call anyone a cunt.

This gig was my idea!

I'm excited!

You know, I've never been away alone with a partner before.

Really?

Yeah, I just never wanted someone I was with

to feel like they needed to help me pee or do my care and, besides,

I want to ensure that you fancy me

for the rest of your life. FAINT MURMURING

You never have to worry about that.

But I'm honoured, that means a lot.

It's definitely her.

Gawkers to the right.

You want me to say something?

No. It's just classic.

Like, they've never seen a wheelchair-user in the wild before.

It's just ignorant ableist bullshit.

FAINT LAUGHTER MUTTERING CONTINUES

Oh, oh!

Hey, guys. What's that about?

I mean, why are you staring at a wheelchair user?

Not very cool.

We didn't do that.

It's his fucking daughter's eating shit in a hot sauce ad.

Ah! So, ah, you're the new girl.

Well, I should warn you, the boss is very handsy

and there's no HR, so...

OK, I'm literally just stopping by, your dad asked me to check in, so...

You good? What, you don't want to be sous-chef?

Can I just see that you're good and just go? Yeah, I mean, now...

OK, cos this is a bad idea.

OK? It was selfish and shitty and I am a good friend, OK?

And good friends don't sleep with their friend's new stepsons.

I going to get that on a T-shirt.

Right. Off you fuck, then.

HE SNIFFS

Wait, you're cooking risotto?

Yes. I'm cooking a RISOTTO.

Are you high?

It's impossible to batch-cook.

OK. Thanks. I mean, are we done here?

Because I've actually got this completely under control.

Are you sure? Cos you don't seem like you're... Yeah.

I actually have. OK, fine. Bye!

Oh, shit! Shit! Shit, shit, shit... Fuck! Oh, my God!

Sorry. Sorry.

That's OK. Fine. I will help you cos you need it,

but we are just colleagues OK?

These bozos won't know it's been on the floor.

No sign of ramp guy.

What does ramp guy actually look like?

Like a guy, but with a ramp.

Makes sense. Yeah.

Hey, surprise. Hmm?

I got us a little pregame in the bag.

This guy? Yeah! Pop her open.

Now? Why not? OK.

We have... We have time? I mean, is it...

Is it safe?

Are we going to be, er, dealing with it in ten, 15 minutes?

I mean, maybe, but I want a drink.

OK. Boom! Well, then, a drink you shall have.

Glasses are in the hamper.

Glasses are in the... Ah.

Abe! I'm sorry. Sorry.

A lot on my mind this morning.

Seriously?! I'm sorry!

I didn't forget it on purpose, obviously.

Why don't I get you something from the kiosk?

Only cos you're cute.

Do you think THEY think it's a good party?

I know you said this place is industrial chic, Daniel,

but we look like we're in a bloody sweat-shop!

No, no, no, no.

The man on the phone assured me

this had never been used as an actual factory

and I'm kindly choosing to believe him, despite his accent.

Et voila.

Aww!

They only had, er, prawn cocktail,

so that's all you're... Aww!

I love it. I will find ramp guy,

if it's the last thing I do.

Please don't let it be the last thing you do. Wish me luck.

Good luck, sir.

Darling, I would never, ever

let you step foot inside a place of labour.

Oh, my God, Daniel, I love you so much!

I can't wait to get married to you. Oh, same.

I can finally get my dick wet.

What does that mean?

THEY LAUGH

You'll find out.

Oh, my God! JO GIGGLES

Clink! Yay!

Oh.

Can't believe you went to school with these assholes.

Yeah, and it's a miracle that I'm so well adjusted, actually.

Well... Yeah.

What does this place even look like?

I don't know, a cottage. Found it on Unseen Hideaways.

No images, but 50% off. Oh, OK.

Hey, I had that dream again. Naked 5K? Yep.

Right there, enjoying my run,

suddenly everyone's looking at me weird.

Cos your bits are swinging in the wind.

Yeah. No, that's the point, nothing's swinging.

Cos it's cold in my dream. Oh!

SHE LAUGHS No, don't laugh.

I had it twice last week.

You're just stressed, it's why we need a holiday. Yeah, well...

What if this place is like some inaccessible shithole, though. Or...

Jesus Christ.

It could also look like that.

PAN SIZZLES

Mm! Hard.

Just trust the process, OK?

A few people are getting hungry.

Is that chicken even cooked through?

You sound un-confident. Er, cautious.

Boring.

Realistic.

Horny?

Hi. You're not serving, are you?

I've had so many olives, I think the bar's put me on the watch list.

Ah, I'm afraid not.

And if I'm honest, I wouldn't get my hopes up.

Jo, can you not tell customers to...

Oh, my....

Levi. Erm, I'll just...

Hi... Mae. Oh, my God!

How are you? Sorry. Yeah, good.

Just really sweating, sorry. That's OK.

I, erm... You're...

Yeah. Huge. Yeah.

Mainly bar snacks.

I mean, and a baby? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.

Wow. Erm, congratulations.

Thank you. I'm due next month. It's mad.

Fuck! Yeah.

You guys go to school together?

Um... Yeah.

We, we knew each other way back.

Can you tie me up? My...my hands are wet?

Yeah, sure.

Anyway, it was good to see you, Levi. Just...

Poke me when food's ready. Yeah, sure.

THEY CHUCKLE

Tell me again how you found this place. I have no idea.

Most places for disabled people are all like,

"My grandma who was an invalid died, want to come stay?"

But this is unreal!

Ooh! Oh, God, I'm going to check out the bedrooms. Yeah.

Check out this bad boy.

Oh, my God, the shower is huge!

Ooh, we're definitely having sex in there.

Where are you?

I'm just setting up the Wi-Fi.

Do you have to do that immediately?

Yeah. I just want to check in on Levi.

Not a problem, is it?

Well, I mean, I just organised this so we could be alone.

No Jo. No Levi.

I know, I know. I know. I want that, too.

I just...can't switch off the fact I have a son.

Well, obviously, I'm not asking for that. I just...

It's the first time we've been away alone...ever.

Sorry.

He's cooked risotto 1,000 times.

It'll be fine. Yeah, you might be right.

Hey. OK, I am right. OK.

Shall I make us a pre-sex cheeseboard? Fuck, yeah.

Fuck.

Is it flowing like lava?

Shut up!

There you go.

Dude, they're ordering in, can't you just serve it as is?

Can't you just...skim off the, like, burnt bits and the raw bits?

Yeah, I can bring this back. I...I can.

Levo?

Yes! Hey! Hi!

Getting a bit peckish, mate.

Any ETA on the riz?

Let's just call it, like, five minutes, OK?

You did say that half an hour ago.

Yes, well, why don't you go and talk to an oil baron

and it'll be ready when it's ready, all right?! Yes, Chef!

Levo,

would you be super offended if I went off and joined them

for a slice of pizza?

What? Dude, can you stop staring at your ex-girlfriend for, like,

five seconds and focus?!

Just... What is wrong with you?! Fuck this!

Is it bad I judge people who are allergic to cheese?

I mean, I know it's not technically their fault...

No, no, I think it is.

This is so nice.

Yeah. I did have a little bit of a wobble...

Well, a, erm...

When Jo was showing me your care before,

I did, just for a minute, kind of hope

that you might want to stay home.

Just with Levi and the old intrusive thoughts.

Thinking about how I might accidentally kill you.

But... But now we're here - love it.

Love it!

I can see why we needed it, too, you know.

Just the two of us.

But the... The easier part was about my care?

No, I...I... You know what I mean.

Not really. I think you're focusing on the wrong part.

I think I'm focusing on the part

where this felt like an inconvenience.

That's ridiculous.

What, you think I want you to do my care?

When we were at the train station and you said

we'd be dealing with that champagne later, so don't drink it,

that that didn't suck?

Dealing with it is the bare minimum.

Yeah, but I didn't say not to drink it. Yes, you did.

You literally said,

"We'll be dealing with that in 15 minutes,

"so don't fucking drink!"

Where are you getting your quotes from?

I didn't sa... I think you're wildly embellishing.

I didn't say that and if I can just speak for myself

and not just have your side of the story.

You are so patronising.

Just cos I'm a little older than you, doesn't mean everything

I say is patronising! You're doing it again!

But you just... You overuse the word.

Freya, we took the whole journey with no problems.

And now you want to ruin it

with wilful misinterpretation

and pernicious simplification?

Come on! Oh, go fuck a thesaurus!

Honestly, you argue like you have a fucking word count on!

Did it impress Jane?

Cos it does nothing for me.

I am bone fucking dry.

Wow.

Well, you can fuck right off.

You fuck off!

OK.

All right.

Shall we take a little time out?

I think you're clearly worked up.

What?!

MUFFLED MUSIC BLASTS

Dad's going to be so pissed.

Just blame it on me. He'll find a way to do it anyway.

She isn't my ex.

Mae.

She was Sam's.

They were, like, childhood sweethearts,

they went out for a year, right up until he died,

but, of course, back then, that felt like forever.

And I know I'm going to sound like a really selfish prick

for saying this, but I couldn't believe how happy she was.

Like, how moved on.

And pregnant. I mean, Christ!

That slut.

Yeah. I'm sorry.

I think the weirdest thing for me is that nothing stopped that year.

Sam died, but everybody else just carried on, moving forward.

Except us.

You know, when he died,

Mum made us risotto every night.

She said that the stirring sort of busied her hands

and kept her mind off, you know, the grief.

It was the first thing I ever learned to cook.

And you still can't make it.

THEY LAUGH

No.

Do you know what I was doing before I came here?

Nothing.

I was just waiting to leave, like I always do.

When I was a kid, I was kind of hot potatoed between aunts

and grandparents and strangers.

It's like a carousel of stopping and starting.

New place, new school, new bed.

I mean, I know people are like,

"Oh, it's Jo! She's so much fun, she's wild."

But, really, it's just hard work,

a lot of leaving people,

leaving places,

and starting all over again,

and it's just...

..really, really fucking lonely.

Well, I like you being here.

Works for now.

I'll take for now.

Hey!

Fuck the van. Let's have fun.

What?

Yeah.

Wait, are you sure? You don't have to.

No, no, no, no. Fuck it.

Ah! Mm! Come on. Let's go. Fuck it.

Oh, my God, yay!

I'm the asshole?!

I'm the asshole for pointing out you have an unhealthy obsession

with your son?!

Abe, honestly, he needs some space!

Just... He's fucking screaming for it! All right.

You want to talk about unhealthy relationships?

Fucking hell, of course. Yeah.

Scapegoat's arrived! Abe's projecting his insecurities again.

So, what? First it's Ty, now it's Jo. How convenient!

Stop using your best friend as a buffer between us!

Like a bird. Oh.

No! You have to suck! Oh!

You're not actively sucking! OK, OK! Do it over.

No! LEVI COUGHS

I'm sorry, my mum's just teaching me how to smoke. Hi.

I told you you had mummy issues.

Yeah, well, you know, I really love a woman who leaves.

Shut the fuck up! You're obsessed with me.

You're obsessed with me.

You're obsessed with me.

You know what your problem is?

What... What is my problem? You're wearing it!

You know why?

Cos you dress like a liberal,

but you act like a conservative and that's the worst type.

Could be worse though, couldn't it?

I mean, I could be a hot sauce model pretending to be an artist!

At least I'm not afraid of my own ball sack.

Yeah, even your anxiety dreams are basic.

CLATTERING

Careful, there's loads of sharp objects.

Listen, I know you think it's really cool and modern

and whatever to come and tell me every time you've been

actively flirting with someone, but guess what?

I fucking hated that!

I'm sorry...for OPENLY COMMUNICATING!

JO LAUGHS, LEVI PANTS

Oh, fuck!

You know what that is? Yeah. Oh, I know what that is,

but that's not what you were doing, is it?

You came and you told that because it makes you feel powerful.

SHE GROANS Am I right, am I right?

This time you're actually wrong. No, I think I'm....

JO MOANS

OK, OK!

Stop, stop, stop!

I'm sorry.

SOFT SMASHING, CLATTERING

I could do the same thing, by the way.

You know? Guess what? I flirt all the time.

For example, the girl at the Starbucks where I work,

she puts little hearts in my coffee every time I go in there.

Do I come running back to you

and openly communicate that fact? No, I don't.

A heart? Really? Maybe you two are meant to be together.

Sh! THEY LAUGH

Fucking... I'm sorry.

Fuck you, this is your fucking fault. Oh!

Yeah. You knew from the minute we met that I had PAs

and if you could just get over Jo being around...

Oh, yeah. ..it might be easier for all of us.

Yeah, I'll just get over Jo. It's... I'll just...

I'll take that, shall I?

THEY MOAN

No, not yet, not yet, not yet!

Oh, I think it's bloody reasonable about Jo.

I mean, I...I can give you unrelaxed, if you want.

THEY MOAN

Un-relaxed might be, um, maybe she doesn't have to join us

for all three meals of the day.

How's that? Is that unrelaxed?

Unrelaxed would be, uh...

..would be voicing the fact that you seem biased towards anything

she has to say at any given moment.

Oh, fuck! Oh! I'm...

Relaxed... Abe, be... Abe, be quiet.

No, I don't want to be quiet, I'm on a roll! Hear me out.

Unrelaxed would be simply acknowledging the fact

that she fucking hates me, has done since the beginning and I...

I don't think I'm... FREYA GROANS

Hey, whoa! Are you OK? Are you cramping?

Is it a spasm?

SHE GROANS Freya?

I think... I think I'm shitting.

I think I'm shitting myself.

What?

I'm shitting myself.

Um, don't look. Huh?

It's happening. OK.

I'm go... I'm... We...

I'm going to... I'll call Jo.

Oh, fuck Jo! OK. Yeah.

Erm, listen. No. It's OK, I'll... This is so embarrassing!

No, no, no, no, no. It's not embarrassing.

No, I mean, it was... Listen, darling, it's not. Listen...

Obviously the train station sandwich...

Just... It's OK, though.

Get away! OK. OK.

It's... It's only... Don't even look at me! Turn around!

What? Yeah. All right. It's mortifying! OK.

Sitting in shit, arguing with my boyfriend.

Er...

OK.

All right.

What are you doing?

I'm, er...

I'm going to go for a quick run.

What? Yeah.

Just going to go for a run.

UNZIPPING

Naked 5K?

Naked 5K. Well, naked half K, looking at that.

In fact, if you do an embarrassment,

I'm doing it with you. SHE CHUCKLES

No. Come on. Oh.

Come on, give me some of that.

All right. Time me. OK? Here we go!

On your marks, get set, here we go! Go!

Can you pass me my underwear?

Mm?

Ahh!

You don't ever have to be embarrassed in front of me, OK?

That never needs to happen.

Now, we're going to go in that shower

and then we're going to go to bed with a nice glass of wine each.

And we're going to forget how awful we were to each other earlier.

OK? Hm-mm. OK.

I am still sitting in my shit.

ELECTIRCITY ZINGS

LIGHT GROAN