Original subtitles

Jimmy, I'm [cheering] the host. Thanks

Jimmy, I'm [cheering] the host. Thanks

Jimmy, I'm [cheering] the host. Thanks for watching. Thanks for coming. Please

for watching. Thanks for coming. Please

for watching. Thanks for coming. Please relax. It's [cheering]

relax. It's [cheering]

relax. It's [cheering] very nice. Uh, thank you for joining us

very nice. Uh, thank you for joining us

very nice. Uh, thank you for joining us at our home in Hollywood where we are

at our home in Hollywood where we are

at our home in Hollywood where we are back to work after a week off. I'm going

back to work after a week off. I'm going

back to work after a week off. I'm going to tell you something. I can't even

to tell you something. I can't even

to tell you something. I can't even enjoy being off anymore. It's Did you

enjoy being off anymore. It's Did you

enjoy being off anymore. It's Did you enjoy the week off?

enjoy the week off?

enjoy the week off? >> Yeah, it was great, Jim. I spent a lot

>> Yeah, it was great, Jim. I spent a lot

>> Yeah, it was great, Jim. I spent a lot of time with my family.

of time with my family.

of time with my family. >> You did?

>> You did?

>> You did? >> Yeah, it was fantastic.

>> Yeah, it was fantastic.

>> Yeah, it was fantastic. >> That was my problem.

>> That was my problem.

>> That was my problem. No, what it is is, you know, I'm

No, what it is is, you know, I'm

No, what it is is, you know, I'm watching. I can't stop watching the

watching. I can't stop watching the

watching. I can't stop watching the news. And Trump does so much stuff. I

news. And Trump does so much stuff. I

news. And Trump does so much stuff. I feel like when we're off, it's like I'm

feel like when we're off, it's like I'm

feel like when we're off, it's like I'm on vacation somewhere watching my house

on vacation somewhere watching my house

on vacation somewhere watching my house on a ring cam and [laughter]

on a ring cam and [laughter]

on a ring cam and [laughter] an alligator walks in and there's

an alligator walks in and there's

an alligator walks in and there's nothing you can do but watch it and then

nothing you can do but watch it and then

nothing you can do but watch it and then just try to assess the damage when you

just try to assess the damage when you

just try to assess the damage when you get back. That we were gone for a week.

get back. That we were gone for a week.

get back. That we were gone for a week. One week he is now at war with the

One week he is now at war with the

One week he is now at war with the Supreme Court. He's threatening a real

Supreme Court. He's threatening a real

Supreme Court. He's threatening a real war with Iran. He's firing off tariffs

war with Iran. He's firing off tariffs

war with Iran. He's firing off tariffs 10% 15%. He's got the FCC threatening

10% 15%. He's got the FCC threatening

10% 15%. He's got the FCC threatening talk shows. He's threatening Netflix.

talk shows. He's threatening Netflix.

talk shows. He's threatening Netflix. He's all of a sudden planning to release

He's all of a sudden planning to release

He's all of a sudden planning to release the UFO files. And it really makes you

the UFO files. And it really makes you

the UFO files. And it really makes you stop and wonder what the hell could be

stop and wonder what the hell could be

stop and wonder what the hell could be in those three million Trump epine files

in those three million Trump epine files

in those three million Trump epine files or so. [cheering] What? [applause]

or so. [cheering] What? [applause]

or so. [cheering] What? [applause] He is working SO [cheering] hard to

He is working SO [cheering] hard to

He is working SO [cheering] hard to distract us from. The only thing he

distract us from. The only thing he

distract us from. The only thing he hasn't done is set his nipples on fire.

hasn't done is set his nipples on fire.

hasn't done is set his nipples on fire. Speaking of nipples, Robert Kennedy Jr.

Speaking of nipples, Robert Kennedy Jr.

Speaking of nipples, Robert Kennedy Jr. Um, [cheering]

Um, [cheering]

Um, [cheering] I don't know what his goal is, but you

I don't know what his goal is, but you

I don't know what his goal is, but you probably saw this video. He released a

probably saw this video. He released a

probably saw this video. He released a sexy shirtless video with Kid Rock

sexy shirtless video with Kid Rock

sexy shirtless video with Kid Rock pumping bike handles in the sauna,

pumping bike handles in the sauna,

pumping bike handles in the sauna, taking a cold plunge in his jeans. Yeah.

taking a cold plunge in his jeans. Yeah.

taking a cold plunge in his jeans. Yeah. You like that? You Hey, Kid Rock, you

You like that? You Hey, Kid Rock, you

You like that? You Hey, Kid Rock, you want to drink my milk? Yeah, guzzle it.

want to drink my milk? Yeah, guzzle it.

want to drink my milk? Yeah, guzzle it. This is not weird at all. One thing I

This is not weird at all. One thing I

This is not weird at all. One thing I know about Kid Rock, he loves milk. He

know about Kid Rock, he loves milk. He

know about Kid Rock, he loves milk. He can't get enough of it. It's all he

can't get enough of it. It's all he

can't get enough of it. It's all he drinks really. And just like that, the

drinks really. And just like that, the

drinks really. And just like that, the Maha movement finally has their Sig

Maha movement finally has their Sig

Maha movement finally has their Sig Freed and Roy. Congratulations. You

Freed and Roy. Congratulations. You

Freed and Roy. Congratulations. You know, [applause]

know, [applause]

know, [applause] so many things

so many things

so many things happened over the break. This one uh hit

happened over the break. This one uh hit

happened over the break. This one uh hit me uh personally. This is over the

me uh personally. This is over the

me uh personally. This is over the break. A fundraising email uh from one

break. A fundraising email uh from one

break. A fundraising email uh from one of his many money grabs was sent to a

of his many money grabs was sent to a

of his many money grabs was sent to a number of followers. The subject line

number of followers. The subject line

number of followers. The subject line was DJT, get Trump out of your mouth,

was DJT, get Trump out of your mouth,

was DJT, get Trump out of your mouth, which is again somehow not a line from

which is again somehow not a line from

which is again somehow not a line from the Trump Epstein files.

the Trump Epstein files.

the Trump Epstein files. Hey, did you see it? Raiding starved

Hey, did you see it? Raiding starved

Hey, did you see it? Raiding starved hack Jimmy Kimmel is back at it again.

hack Jimmy Kimmel is back at it again.

hack Jimmy Kimmel is back at it again. [cheering]

[cheering]

[cheering] Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. For the record, [applause]

For the record, [applause]

For the record, [applause] I was in my house doing nothing. Okay.

I was in my house doing nothing. Okay.

I was in my house doing nothing. Okay. He's on his failing late night show,

He's on his failing late night show,

He's on his failing late night show, which by the way has terrible numbers.

which by the way has terrible numbers.

which by the way has terrible numbers. Just total disaster numbers, trying to

Just total disaster numbers, trying to

Just total disaster numbers, trying to mock you and our movement. The poor guy

mock you and our movement. The poor guy

mock you and our movement. The poor guy just loves to have my name in his mouth

just loves to have my name in his mouth

just loves to have my name in his mouth because he knows that without Trump,

because he knows that without Trump,

because he knows that without Trump, he'd have no career at all. He thinks he

he'd have no career at all. He thinks he

he'd have no career at all. He thinks he can sit in his Hollywood studio and

can sit in his Hollywood studio and

can sit in his Hollywood studio and laugh at the greatest political movement

laugh at the greatest political movement

laugh at the greatest political movement in the history of our country.

in the history of our country.

in the history of our country. [laughter]

[laughter]

[laughter] Yeah, he does. He

Yeah, he does. He

Yeah, he does. He [cheering and applause]

[cheering and applause]

[cheering and applause] Sometimes I stand, sometimes I sit and

Sometimes I stand, sometimes I sit and

Sometimes I stand, sometimes I sit and laugh, but he thinks his tired jokes can

laugh, but he thinks his tired jokes can

laugh, but he thinks his tired jokes can stop us. He is wrong. While he's busy

stop us. He is wrong. While he's busy

stop us. He is wrong. While he's busy reading a teleprompter for a tiny

reading a teleprompter for a tiny

reading a teleprompter for a tiny audience of coastal elites, I'm getting

audience of coastal elites, I'm getting

audience of coastal elites, I'm getting ready to address a massive crowd of MAGA

ready to address a massive crowd of MAGA

ready to address a massive crowd of MAGA patriots at the State of the Union. Oh,

patriots at the State of the Union. Oh,

patriots at the State of the Union. Oh, by the way, we will have a special show

by the way, we will have a special show

by the way, we will have a special show tomorrow night to laugh at all the

tomorrow night to laugh at all the

tomorrow night to laugh at all the stupid things he says at that MAGA State

stupid things he says at that MAGA State

stupid things he says at that MAGA State of the Union. [cheering]

of the Union. [cheering]

of the Union. [cheering] But I digress. I need millions of MAGA

But I digress. I need millions of MAGA

But I digress. I need millions of MAGA patriots to step up today and show Jimmy

patriots to step up today and show Jimmy

patriots to step up today and show Jimmy Kimmel that his words have nothing on

Kimmel that his words have nothing on

Kimmel that his words have nothing on MAGA and that this movement will forever

MAGA and that this movement will forever

MAGA and that this movement will forever have more support than he could ever

have more support than he could ever

have more support than he could ever dream of. Join my MAGA rally blitz now

dream of. Join my MAGA rally blitz now

dream of. Join my MAGA rally blitz now and I'll add you to my exclusive 2026

and I'll add you to my exclusive 2026

and I'll add you to my exclusive 2026 MAGA membership. Well, that is tempting.

MAGA membership. Well, that is tempting.

MAGA membership. Well, that is tempting. We could be part of his MAGA rally

We could be part of his MAGA rally

We could be part of his MAGA rally blitz. What does What even is that? It's

blitz. What does What even is that? It's

blitz. What does What even is that? It's like something you order at Dairy Queen,

like something you order at Dairy Queen,

like something you order at Dairy Queen, right? But please give until his

right? But please give until his

right? But please give until his feelings don't hurt anymore, folks. Why

feelings don't hurt anymore, folks. Why

feelings don't hurt anymore, folks. Why is the president in his second term even

is the president in his second term even

is the president in his second term even sending fundraising emails? Maybe, I

sending fundraising emails? Maybe, I

sending fundraising emails? Maybe, I don't know, maybe he needs it to pay all

don't know, maybe he needs it to pay all

don't know, maybe he needs it to pay all the big beautiful tariffs he has to give

the big beautiful tariffs he has to give

the big beautiful tariffs he has to give back now as just about everyone

back now as just about everyone

back now as just about everyone [cheering and applause]

[cheering and applause]

[cheering and applause] but him

but him

but him expected. The Supreme Court ruled that

expected. The Supreme Court ruled that

expected. The Supreme Court ruled that the tariffs he is so inexplicably proud

the tariffs he is so inexplicably proud

the tariffs he is so inexplicably proud of are unconstitutional. The very

of are unconstitutional. The very

of are unconstitutional. The very conservative Supreme Court ruled against

conservative Supreme Court ruled against

conservative Supreme Court ruled against him six to three. This was Donald

him six to three. This was Donald

him six to three. This was Donald Trump's most humiliating legal defeat

Trump's most humiliating legal defeat

Trump's most humiliating legal defeat yet, even more than the one with the

yet, even more than the one with the

yet, even more than the one with the porn star where he farted through the

porn star where he farted through the

porn star where he farted through the whole trial. This is the one Trump um

whole trial. This is the one Trump um

whole trial. This is the one Trump um was angry. He lashed out at his own

was angry. He lashed out at his own

was angry. He lashed out at his own handpicked justices. He called them

handpicked justices. He called them

handpicked justices. He called them fools and lap dogs. He said they were an

fools and lap dogs. He said they were an

fools and lap dogs. He said they were an embarrassment to their families. And as

embarrassment to their families. And as

embarrassment to their families. And as father to Eric and Don Jr., that is a

father to Eric and Don Jr., that is a

father to Eric and Don Jr., that is a man who knows an embarrassment to his

man who knows an embarrassment to his

man who knows an embarrassment to his family. And now

family. And now

family. And now the whole thing is a mess because these

the whole thing is a mess because these

the whole thing is a mess because these companies want refunds for the tariffs

companies want refunds for the tariffs

companies want refunds for the tariffs they paid, but no one knows how to go

they paid, but no one knows how to go

they paid, but no one knows how to go about getting one. And of course, Donald

about getting one. And of course, Donald

about getting one. And of course, Donald Trump doesn't give refunds. I mean, if

Trump doesn't give refunds. I mean, if

Trump doesn't give refunds. I mean, if he gives a he gives a refund, like when

he gives a he gives a refund, like when

he gives a he gives a refund, like when Rumple Stillilskin says his own name, he

Rumple Stillilskin says his own name, he

Rumple Stillilskin says his own name, he shrivels up. He disappears. So what do

shrivels up. He disappears. So what do

shrivels up. He disappears. So what do you do in a situation like that where

you do in a situation like that where

you do in a situation like that where you you get smacked down very publicly

you you get smacked down very publicly

you you get smacked down very publicly by your own conservative court? Well,

by your own conservative court? Well,

by your own conservative court? Well, I'll tell you what you do. You do this.

I'll tell you what you do. You do this.

I'll tell you what you do. You do this. Based on the tremendous interest shown,

Based on the tremendous interest shown,

Based on the tremendous interest shown, I will be directing the Secretary of War

I will be directing the Secretary of War

I will be directing the Secretary of War and other relevant departments and

and other relevant departments and

and other relevant departments and agencies to begin the process of

agencies to begin the process of

agencies to begin the process of identifying and releasing government

identifying and releasing government

identifying and releasing government files related to alien and

files related to alien and

files related to alien and extraterrestrial life. That's right.

extraterrestrial life. That's right.

extraterrestrial life. That's right. He's sending in the aliens.

He's sending in the aliens.

He's sending in the aliens. [applause]

[applause]

[applause] Finally,

Finally,

Finally, the good [cheering] news, Anna, I don't

the good [cheering] news, Anna, I don't

the good [cheering] news, Anna, I don't think this is working anymore. The

think this is working anymore. The

think this is working anymore. The latest polls show that Donald Trump is

latest polls show that Donald Trump is

latest polls show that Donald Trump is going into the State of the Union

going into the State of the Union

going into the State of the Union tomorrow with his lowest approval

tomorrow with his lowest approval

tomorrow with his lowest approval numbers yet.

numbers yet.

numbers yet. >> Polls are tough. You know when you get a

>> Polls are tough. You know when you get a

>> Polls are tough. You know when you get a fake poll? I get them today. I saw one

fake poll? I get them today. I saw one

fake poll? I get them today. I saw one today that I'm at 40%.

today that I'm at 40%.

today that I'm at 40%. 40%. I'm not at 40%.

40%. I'm not at 40%.

40%. I'm not at 40%. >> That's right. You're not at 40%.

>> That's right. You're not at 40%.

>> That's right. You're not at 40%. [applause]

[applause]

[applause] You are at 36%.

You are at 36%.

You are at 36%. Which is [cheering] lower than 40%.

Which is [cheering] lower than 40%.

Which is [cheering] lower than 40%. [applause]

[applause]

[applause] He's got this, you know, this weird

He's got this, you know, this weird

He's got this, you know, this weird pathological reflex to jack up the

pathological reflex to jack up the

pathological reflex to jack up the number. It's so automatic that even when

number. It's so automatic that even when

number. It's so automatic that even when it's like a bad number, he jacks it up

it's like a bad number, he jacks it up

it's like a bad number, he jacks it up to a slightly less bad number. 36%. How

to a slightly less bad number. 36%. How

to a slightly less bad number. 36%. How dare you say 38%. There's no way I'm at

dare you say 38%. There's no way I'm at

dare you say 38%. There's no way I'm at 40%.

40%.

40%. That speech tomorrow night is going to

That speech tomorrow night is going to

That speech tomorrow night is going to be a lot of fun and we will have a a

be a lot of fun and we will have a a

be a lot of fun and we will have a a show dedicated to covering that. And

show dedicated to covering that. And

show dedicated to covering that. And meanwhile, did you see our FBI director

meanwhile, did you see our FBI director

meanwhile, did you see our FBI director whooping it up with the Olympic hockey

whooping it up with the Olympic hockey

whooping it up with the Olympic hockey hockey team in Italy? Team USA beat

hockey team in Italy? Team USA beat

hockey team in Italy? Team USA beat heavenly favorite team Canada in

heavenly favorite team Canada in

heavenly favorite team Canada in overtime. They won their first gold

overtime. They won their first gold

overtime. They won their first gold medal in 46 years, the first one since

medal in 46 years, the first one since

medal in 46 years, the first one since the miracle on [cheering] ice. And

the miracle on [cheering] ice. And

the miracle on [cheering] ice. And [applause] the bad news is Cash Patel,

[applause] the bad news is Cash Patel,

[applause] the bad news is Cash Patel, not only was he at the game, he was in

not only was he at the game, he was in

not only was he at the game, he was in the locker room after the game. You can

the locker room after the game. You can

the locker room after the game. You can see here he is bouncing around like the

see here he is bouncing around like the

see here he is bouncing around like the the aderall bunny or something pumping

the aderall bunny or something pumping

the aderall bunny or something pumping his fists. Why he was there, why he

his fists. Why he was there, why he

his fists. Why he was there, why he needed to be in Italy at all, nobody

needed to be in Italy at all, nobody

needed to be in Italy at all, nobody knows. All we know is that we paid for

knows. All we know is that we paid for

knows. All we know is that we paid for it. He flew there on the FBI jet, which

it. He flew there on the FBI jet, which

it. He flew there on the FBI jet, which is especially rich coming from the man

is especially rich coming from the man

is especially rich coming from the man who criticized his predecessor,

who criticized his predecessor,

who criticized his predecessor, Christopher Ray, for doing far, far

Christopher Ray, for doing far, far

Christopher Ray, for doing far, far less.

less.

less. >> I'm not the defund everything guy. I'm

>> I'm not the defund everything guy. I'm

>> I'm not the defund everything guy. I'm just saying Chris Ray doesn't need a

just saying Chris Ray doesn't need a

just saying Chris Ray doesn't need a government funded G5 jet to go to

government funded G5 jet to go to

government funded G5 jet to go to vacation. Maybe we ground that plane.

vacation. Maybe we ground that plane.

vacation. Maybe we ground that plane. 15,000 every time it takes off. This is

15,000 every time it takes off. This is

15,000 every time it takes off. This is odd.

odd.

odd. And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to

And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to

And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to do Jäger bombs with the hockey team in

do Jäger bombs with the hockey team in

do Jäger bombs with the hockey team in Italy. That that clip [applause]

Italy. That that clip [applause]

Italy. That that clip [applause] aged like a tall glass of RFK Junior's

aged like a tall glass of RFK Junior's

aged like a tall glass of RFK Junior's hot tub milk. Patel defended his little

hot tub milk. Patel defended his little

hot tub milk. Patel defended his little field trip weekly. He said he was at the

field trip weekly. He said he was at the

field trip weekly. He said he was at the Olympics to protect US athletes by

Olympics to protect US athletes by

Olympics to protect US athletes by tasting their beer to make sure it isn't

tasting their beer to make sure it isn't

tasting their beer to make sure it isn't poisoned. And then you got Blobby or who

poisoned. And then you got Blobby or who

poisoned. And then you got Blobby or who celebrated the hockey gold by posting

celebrated the hockey gold by posting

celebrated the hockey gold by posting this dumb AI video of himself playing

this dumb AI video of himself playing

this dumb AI video of himself playing hockey.

hockey.

hockey. [music]

[music]

[music] happens too fast.

happens too fast.

happens too fast. You change your passion for glory.

You change your passion for glory.

You change your passion for glory. [laughter]

[laughter]

[laughter] Don't lose your [music] grip on the

Don't lose your [music] grip on the

Don't lose your [music] grip on the dreams of the past.

>> Here's a question. Do you think he knows

>> Here's a question. Do you think he knows

>> Here's a question. Do you think he knows that's not actually him? [laughter]

that's not actually him? [laughter]

that's not actually him? [laughter] 50/50, right? I mean, so Trump dials

50/50, right? I mean, so Trump dials

50/50, right? I mean, so Trump dials into the locker room after game. Cash

into the locker room after game. Cash

into the locker room after game. Cash has got his phone to glom on to the

has got his phone to glom on to the

has got his phone to glom on to the glory and invite the men's team. and

glory and invite the men's team. and

glory and invite the men's team. and begrudgingly the gold medal winning

begrudgingly the gold medal winning

begrudgingly the gold medal winning women's team who also won in overtime to

women's team who also won in overtime to

women's team who also won in overtime to his State of the Union tomorrow.

his State of the Union tomorrow.

his State of the Union tomorrow. >> We'll do the White House the next day.

>> We'll do the White House the next day.

>> We'll do the White House the next day. We'll just have some fun. We have medals

We'll just have some fun. We have medals

We'll just have some fun. We have medals for you guys. And we have to I must tell

for you guys. And we have to I must tell

for you guys. And we have to I must tell you, we're going to have to bring the

you, we're going to have to bring the

you, we're going to have to bring the women's team. You do know that.

>> I do believe I probably would be

>> I do believe I probably would be

>> I do believe I probably would be impeached. Okay. [laughter]

impeached. Okay. [laughter]

impeached. Okay. [laughter] >> Oh, what a funny creep, huh?

>> Oh, what a funny creep, huh?

>> Oh, what a funny creep, huh? >> The women's hockey team, by the way,

>> The women's hockey team, by the way,

>> The women's hockey team, by the way, IMMEDIATELY REFUSED THE INVITATION.

IMMEDIATELY REFUSED THE INVITATION.

IMMEDIATELY REFUSED THE INVITATION. >> [cheering]

>> REALLY? I MEAN, [applause]

>> REALLY? I MEAN, [applause]

>> REALLY? I MEAN, [applause] >> can you blame them? The last time Trump

>> can you blame them? The last time Trump

>> can you blame them? The last time Trump invited a woman with a medal to the

invited a woman with a medal to the

invited a woman with a medal to the White House, he made her give it to him.

White House, he made her give it to him.

White House, he made her give it to him. A spokesperson for USA Hockey wrote, "We

A spokesperson for USA Hockey wrote, "We

A spokesperson for USA Hockey wrote, "We are sincerely grateful for the

are sincerely grateful for the

are sincerely grateful for the invitation extended to our gold medal

invitation extended to our gold medal

invitation extended to our gold medal winning US women's hockey team and

winning US women's hockey team and

winning US women's hockey team and deeply appreciate the recognition of

deeply appreciate the recognition of

deeply appreciate the recognition of their extraordinary achievement. Due to

their extraordinary achievement. Due to

their extraordinary achievement. Due to the timing and previously scheduled

the timing and previously scheduled

the timing and previously scheduled academic and professional commitments

academic and professional commitments

academic and professional commitments following the games, the athletes are

following the games, the athletes are

following the games, the athletes are unable to participate. They were honored

unable to participate. They were honored

unable to participate. They were honored to be included and are grateful for the

to be included and are grateful for the

to be included and are grateful for the acknowledgement, which is a nice way of

acknowledgement, which is a nice way of

acknowledgement, which is a nice way of saying puck off, Trump. We [cheering]

saying puck off, Trump. We [cheering]

saying puck off, Trump. We [cheering] We got better things to [applause] do.

We got better things to [applause] do.

We got better things to [applause] do. But congratulations to all the US

But congratulations to all the US

But congratulations to all the US Olympic athletes. They won more gold

Olympic athletes. They won more gold

Olympic athletes. They won more gold medals than we ever have at the Winter

medals than we ever have at the Winter

medals than we ever have at the Winter Games. And now, [cheering and applause]

Games. And now, [cheering and applause]

Games. And now, [cheering and applause] now that the Winter Games are done in

now that the Winter Games are done in

now that the Winter Games are done in Italy, the Winter Games come to us.

Italy, the Winter Games come to us.

Italy, the Winter Games come to us. >> Another snowageddon is looming over much

>> Another snowageddon is looming over much

>> Another snowageddon is looming over much of the Northeast and Mid-Atlantic.

of the Northeast and Mid-Atlantic.

of the Northeast and Mid-Atlantic. >> It's like snowageddon out there.

>> It's like snowageddon out there.

>> It's like snowageddon out there. Snowageddon.

Snowageddon.

Snowageddon. >> Snowageddon.

>> Snowageddon.

>> Snowageddon. >> Snowageddon. Snowageddon.

>> Snowageddon. Snowageddon.

>> Snowageddon. Snowageddon. >> Snowageddon.

>> Snowageddon.

>> Snowageddon. >> Snowageddon.

>> Snowageddon.

>> Snowageddon. >> I've never I haven't heard anybody say

>> I've never I haven't heard anybody say

>> I've never I haven't heard anybody say snowageddon yet.

snowageddon yet.

snowageddon yet. >> Snow magum.

>> Snow magum.

>> Snow magum. >> What did that mean in English? GMO?

>> What did that mean in English? GMO?

>> What did that mean in English? GMO? >> I don't have no idea.

>> I don't have no idea.

>> I don't have no idea. >> You don't know. Okay.

>> You don't know. Okay.

>> You don't know. Okay. >> They got 6 in in Washington DC today,

>> They got 6 in in Washington DC today,

>> They got 6 in in Washington DC today, which is about 4 in more than God gave

which is about 4 in more than God gave

which is about 4 in more than God gave FCC chairman Brendan Carr. This is

FCC chairman Brendan Carr. This is

FCC chairman Brendan Carr. This is [cheering]

[cheering]

[cheering] [applause]

[applause]

[applause] the weasel who is trying to keep

the weasel who is trying to keep

the weasel who is trying to keep political candidates off late night TV

political candidates off late night TV

political candidates off late night TV talk shows. Another plan that backfired

talk shows. Another plan that backfired

talk shows. Another plan that backfired spectacularly last week. Brendan Carr is

spectacularly last week. Brendan Carr is

spectacularly last week. Brendan Carr is working very hard to put a price on free

working very hard to put a price on free

working very hard to put a price on free speech. And on top of being the

speech. And on top of being the

speech. And on top of being the president's little colonel in the war on

president's little colonel in the war on

president's little colonel in the war on talk shows, he's now urging the networks

talk shows, he's now urging the networks

talk shows, he's now urging the networks to air what he calls patriotic

to air what he calls patriotic

to air what he calls patriotic pro-America content to commemorate the

pro-America content to commemorate the

pro-America content to commemorate the 250th anniversary of the Declaration of

250th anniversary of the Declaration of

250th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence. America's turning 250

Independence. America's turning 250

Independence. America's turning 250 years old this year and I guess that UFC

years old this year and I guess that UFC

years old this year and I guess that UFC fight on the White House lawn isn't

fight on the White House lawn isn't

fight on the White House lawn isn't patriotic enough. So he wants more civic

patriotic enough. So he wants more civic

patriotic enough. So he wants more civic minding minded programming. He wrote

minding minded programming. He wrote

minding minded programming. He wrote this type of programming is more

this type of programming is more

this type of programming is more relevant than ever as surveys show that

relevant than ever as surveys show that

relevant than ever as surveys show that civics's education is in rapid decline.

civics's education is in rapid decline.

civics's education is in rapid decline. Gee, why wonder why that is? Your boss

Gee, why wonder why that is? Your boss

Gee, why wonder why that is? Your boss hired the woman who ran Monday Night Raw

hired the woman who ran Monday Night Raw

hired the woman who ran Monday Night Raw to run the department of education.

to run the department of education.

to run the department of education. >> [applause]

>> [applause]

>> [applause] >> But Brandon Carr

>> But Brandon Carr

>> But Brandon Carr did have some thoughts on how the

did have some thoughts on how the

did have some thoughts on how the network can improve. He suggested that

network can improve. He suggested that

network can improve. He suggested that we start each broadcast day with the

we start each broadcast day with the

we start each broadcast day with the Star Spangled Banner or the Pledge of

Star Spangled Banner or the Pledge of

Star Spangled Banner or the Pledge of Allegiance and running short PSAs

Allegiance and running short PSAs

Allegiance and running short PSAs highlighting this day in American

highlighting this day in American

highlighting this day in American history, which I have to admit is not a

history, which I have to admit is not a

history, which I have to admit is not a bad idea. And I think you're going to

bad idea. And I think you're going to

bad idea. And I think you're going to like this, Brendan, because we are

like this, Brendan, because we are

like this, Brendan, because we are pleased to be the first ever broadcast

pleased to be the first ever broadcast

pleased to be the first ever broadcast outlet to present what I hope will be

outlet to present what I hope will be

outlet to present what I hope will be many installments of our newest and most

many installments of our newest and most

many installments of our newest and most patriotic Brendan Carr inspired segment.

patriotic Brendan Carr inspired segment.

patriotic Brendan Carr inspired segment. It is called This Day in American

It is called This Day in American

It is called This Day in American History.

History.

History. >> Federal Communications Commission

>> Federal Communications Commission

>> Federal Communications Commission Chairman Brendan Carr and Jimmy Kimmel

Chairman Brendan Carr and Jimmy Kimmel

Chairman Brendan Carr and Jimmy Kimmel Live present This Day in American

Live present This Day in American

Live present This Day in American History. February 23rd, 1940, legendary

History. February 23rd, 1940, legendary

History. February 23rd, 1940, legendary folk musician Woody Guthrie [music]

folk musician Woody Guthrie [music]

folk musician Woody Guthrie [music] writes, "This land is Your Land." A song

writes, "This land is Your Land." A song

writes, "This land is Your Land." A song that went on to become one of the most

that went on to become one of the most

that went on to become one of the most enduring protest songs of all time.

enduring protest songs of all time.

enduring protest songs of all time. Guthrie would later go on to write Old

Guthrie would later go on to write Old

Guthrie would later go on to write Old Man Trump, paying tribute to Donald

Man Trump, paying tribute to Donald

Man Trump, paying tribute to Donald Trump's racist father, Fred, who refused

Trump's racist father, Fred, who refused

Trump's racist father, Fred, who refused to rent to black people. February 23rd,

to rent to black people. February 23rd,

to rent to black people. February 23rd, 1954,

1954,

1954, children at Arsenal Elementary in

children at Arsenal Elementary in

children at Arsenal Elementary in Pittsburgh received the first ever polio

Pittsburgh received the first ever polio

Pittsburgh received the first ever polio vaccine, a disease that along with

vaccine, a disease that along with

vaccine, a disease that along with measles [music] is making a comeback.

measles [music] is making a comeback.

measles [music] is making a comeback. Thanks to Fred Trump's idiot son. And on

Thanks to Fred Trump's idiot son. And on

Thanks to Fred Trump's idiot son. And on February 22nd, 1997,

February 22nd, 1997,

February 22nd, 1997, 29 years from yesterday, Donald Trump

29 years from yesterday, Donald Trump

29 years from yesterday, Donald Trump invited his favorite pedophile BFF Jeff

invited his favorite pedophile BFF Jeff

invited his favorite pedophile BFF Jeff to his home to be photographed in a warm

to his home to be photographed in a warm

to his home to be photographed in a warm embrace. What did they do after [music]

embrace. What did they do after [music]

embrace. What did they do after [music] they took this picture? That's their

they took this picture? That's their

they took this picture? That's their wonderful secret. God bless America.

wonderful secret. God bless America.

wonderful secret. God bless America. Thanks for the inspiration, Brendan.

Thanks for the inspiration, Brendan.

Thanks for the inspiration, Brendan. This has been this day in American

This has been this day in American

This has been this day in American history.

history.

history. [cheering]

[cheering]

[cheering] >> I have to admit, it's right. It was a

>> I have to admit, it's right. It was a

>> I have to admit, it's right. It was a good idea. [applause]

good idea. [applause]

good idea. [applause] Thank you, Brandon. We're now on day 10

Thank you, Brandon. We're now on day 10

Thank you, Brandon. We're now on day 10 of the partial government shutdown. On

of the partial government shutdown. On

of the partial government shutdown. On Saturday, Christine Gnome's Department

Saturday, Christine Gnome's Department

Saturday, Christine Gnome's Department of Homeland Security abruptly announced

of Homeland Security abruptly announced

of Homeland Security abruptly announced they would be suspending the TSA

they would be suspending the TSA

they would be suspending the TSA PreCheck program due to staffing

PreCheck program due to staffing

PreCheck program due to staffing shortages. And yesterday, because of all

shortages. And yesterday, because of all

shortages. And yesterday, because of all the backlash, they announced they were

the backlash, they announced they were

the backlash, they announced they were suspending the suspension of TSA

suspending the suspension of TSA

suspending the suspension of TSA PreCheck, which is now back on. The DHS

PreCheck, which is now back on. The DHS

PreCheck, which is now back on. The DHS was hoping that inconveniencing

was hoping that inconveniencing

was hoping that inconveniencing travelers would put pressure on

travelers would put pressure on

travelers would put pressure on Democrats to fold, but it turned out

Democrats to fold, but it turned out

Democrats to fold, but it turned out they can't screw us any more than Spirit

they can't screw us any more than Spirit

they can't screw us any more than Spirit Airlines already has.

Airlines already has.

Airlines already has. And while Christy Gnome is playing

And while Christy Gnome is playing

And while Christy Gnome is playing chicken with our flights, her Department

chicken with our flights, her Department

chicken with our flights, her Department of Homeland Security is reportedly

of Homeland Security is reportedly

of Homeland Security is reportedly trying to buy her a $70 million luxury

trying to buy her a $70 million luxury

trying to buy her a $70 million luxury jet right now. They say it will be used

jet right now. They say it will be used

jet right now. They say it will be used to transport Secretary Gnome and for

to transport Secretary Gnome and for

to transport Secretary Gnome and for deportations.

deportations.

deportations. Hopefully not at the same time. I'd hate

Hopefully not at the same time. I'd hate

Hopefully not at the same time. I'd hate for somebody to get deported and have to

for somebody to get deported and have to

for somebody to get deported and have to sit next to Christine Gnome on the

sit next to Christine Gnome on the

sit next to Christine Gnome on the flight. But [applause] it's quite a a

flight. But [applause] it's quite a a

flight. But [applause] it's quite a a jet. It has [cheering]

jet. It has [cheering]

jet. It has [cheering] It's got a kitchen. It's got a bar. It's

It's got a kitchen. It's got a bar. It's

It's got a kitchen. It's got a bar. It's got four large flat screen TVs. and even

got four large flat screen TVs. and even

got four large flat screen TVs. and even a bedroom with a queen-sized bed, you

a bedroom with a queen-sized bed, you

a bedroom with a queen-sized bed, you know, to help with all the deportations.

know, to help with all the deportations.

know, to help with all the deportations. And who knows, maybe you meet somebody

And who knows, maybe you meet somebody

And who knows, maybe you meet somebody sexy at work and you want to, you know,

sexy at work and you want to, you know,

sexy at work and you want to, you know, it's mindboggling. It really is. There

it's mindboggling. It really is. There

it's mindboggling. It really is. There are so many horrible surprises coming

are so many horrible surprises coming

are so many horrible surprises coming out of this Department of Homeland

out of this Department of Homeland

out of this Department of Homeland Security, but this is not one of them.

Security, but this is not one of them.

Security, but this is not one of them. This is um the acting chief security

This is um the acting chief security

This is um the acting chief security officer for the DHS is this woman, Aana

officer for the DHS is this woman, Aana

officer for the DHS is this woman, Aana B. Horin. Okay?

B. Horin. Okay?

B. Horin. Okay? And yes, that is her real name. I know

And yes, that is her real name. I know

And yes, that is her real name. I know it's her real name cuz I checked 14

it's her real name cuz I checked 14

it's her real name cuz I checked 14 different times and every time her name

different times and every time her name

different times and every time her name came back to be Horin.

came back to be Horin.

came back to be Horin. If your name was Aana Horin, why would

If your name was Aana Horin, why would

If your name was Aana Horin, why would you use the B? Why the middle

you use the B? Why the middle

you use the B? Why the middle Ahornin is a um a challenging name to be

Ahornin is a um a challenging name to be

Ahornin is a um a challenging name to be sure, but Awana is one of many Americans

sure, but Awana is one of many Americans

sure, but Awana is one of many Americans living with hilarious names. So, uh, we

living with hilarious names. So, uh, we

living with hilarious names. So, uh, we had our intrepid team of researchers

had our intrepid team of researchers

had our intrepid team of researchers comb through the internet to find many,

comb through the internet to find many,

comb through the internet to find many, many other unfortunates who must really,

many other unfortunates who must really,

many other unfortunates who must really, really love their dads.

really love their dads.

really love their dads. >> We begin by wishing Elizabeth Hock of

>> We begin by wishing Elizabeth Hock of

>> We begin by wishing Elizabeth Hock of Reedville a very happy 90th birthday.

Reedville a very happy 90th birthday.

Reedville a very happy 90th birthday. >> Lanigan Mayor Tony Mock can't understate

>> Lanigan Mayor Tony Mock can't understate

>> Lanigan Mayor Tony Mock can't understate how important this is. We are William

how important this is. We are William

how important this is. We are William Hercock, the name to trust. That's

Hercock, the name to trust. That's

Hercock, the name to trust. That's beautifully caressed straight down the

beautifully caressed straight down the

beautifully caressed straight down the ground by Quintindok.

ground by Quintindok.

ground by Quintindok. >> Brendan Cochburn who saw the whole thing

>> Brendan Cochburn who saw the whole thing

>> Brendan Cochburn who saw the whole thing and shot this video. Jill sidebottom

and shot this video. Jill sidebottom

and shot this video. Jill sidebottom with the National Christmas Tree

with the National Christmas Tree

with the National Christmas Tree Association.

Association.

Association. >> The man's name is Looney Tune.

>> The man's name is Looney Tune.

>> The man's name is Looney Tune. >> Matthew Pancake is charged. The man

>> Matthew Pancake is charged. The man

>> Matthew Pancake is charged. The man Edward Coke. 34year-old patches magic

Edward Coke. 34year-old patches magic

Edward Coke. 34year-old patches magic beans.

beans.

beans. >> Hi, I'm Dick Chips with Mission Park

>> Hi, I'm Dick Chips with Mission Park

>> Hi, I'm Dick Chips with Mission Park Funeral Challenge Cemetery.

Funeral Challenge Cemetery.

Funeral Challenge Cemetery. >> I'm Timun and I'm the student union

>> I'm Timun and I'm the student union

>> I'm Timun and I'm the student union president.

president.

president. >> The Honorable Ginger Gu will be filling

>> The Honorable Ginger Gu will be filling

>> The Honorable Ginger Gu will be filling the vacancy.

the vacancy.

the vacancy. >> Hey everybody, I'm Dr. BJ Hardick. It's

>> Hey everybody, I'm Dr. BJ Hardick. It's

>> Hey everybody, I'm Dr. BJ Hardick. It's that time of year again.

that time of year again.

that time of year again. >> Tiny Cooks. Thanks very much. My

>> Tiny Cooks. Thanks very much. My

>> Tiny Cooks. Thanks very much. My pleasure for having me.

pleasure for having me.

pleasure for having me. >> And Dick Bigger Jr.

>> And Dick Bigger Jr.

>> And Dick Bigger Jr. >> The bigger the better.

>> The bigger the better.

>> The bigger the better. >> Oh yeah.

>> Oh yeah.

>> Oh yeah. >> In studio, David Sack Rider, ABC12 News.

>> In studio, David Sack Rider, ABC12 News.

>> In studio, David Sack Rider, ABC12 News. >> Right on, David. Right on. [cheering] We

>> Right on, David. Right on. [cheering] We

>> Right on, David. Right on. [cheering] We have a good show tonight. Taylor

have a good show tonight. Taylor

have a good show tonight. Taylor Tomlinson is here. We have music from

Tomlinson is here. We have music from

Tomlinson is here. We have music from Arlo Parks, Sarah, [cheering] and Sean

Arlo Parks, Sarah, [cheering] and Sean

Arlo Parks, Sarah, [cheering] and Sean Watkins are singing in with the band.

Watkins are singing in with the band.

Watkins are singing in with the band. And we'll be right back with Christina

And we'll be right back with Christina

And we'll be right back with Christina Applegate. So stick around.