Original subtitles

What's going on here, a coffee clutch?

Mr. Gallagher, you are disturbing our picnic.

Oh, come on, Dota. We're coming up early. There's nobody on the stage to

the customers coming off the rides.

What are you doing, Dota? He'll be out there, Mr. Gallagher, like always.

Deke, remind me to set yous up for Father's Day.

Come on, Billy.

Let's get going.

I'll be out front.

Okay, Mr. Gallagher.

You know, it just doesn't figure.

With all your years in show business, you still can't judge character.

This is the second time in three weeks.

Well, sometimes you can go a year without running into one of those

I've been getting them in bunches like bananas.

Oh, I know, Dodo, but trouble in the park's no good. It hurts our reputation.

For over 50 years, people looked to Steeplechase Park for good, clean

entertainment. I know, I know. Hey.

You're liable to have a pretty good lip.

Maybe we'd better have the doc take a look at it.

You don't care about my lip. You're just nosing around to see if you can smell

liquor on my breath. Well, it ain't there, see?

Dodo ain't had a drink in a month, Mr. Gallagher. He ain't touched a drop.

say you ain't.

I'll be washed up in about ten minutes.

I got 40 bucks coming. They'd better be waiting. You don't have to wait ten

minutes. You're washed up right now.

Here's your money.

I like being stage manager here, see?

And you're not going to cost me my job.

And if I were you, I wouldn't come back around the park again either.

Yay.

I thought this job was good for the rest of the summer.

Sniffing around me like a dog.

What's Mr. Daylor going to say when he finds out we've been canned? Who cares

about Daylor? There's a hundred other agents.

Hey!

Why don't we go back with Uncle Goldie?

No, that's out.

Goldie and me have been through for years.

Okay, doctor. Thanks very much.

Oh, excuse me. Hey, hey! Go, go!

Who let you in the building? I come up to see the foot doctor. My feet's been

bothering me. Yeah, I want your conscience.

Listen, I got a little stag that's going tomorrow night. Forget it. I wouldn't

take that kind of work if I was starving. All right, big guy. Only I

your name on no marquee, so don't knock it. Come on, Dink. And just remember

this. I've seen the best of you guys come begging.

Yes, the best of them.

Who do you think you... Oh, forget it.

Who was that?

That's the kind of an agent that sheds his skin twice a year.

Oh. Come on. Yeah, we got the pictures. Uh -huh, we'll call you just as soon as

something comes up.

Hi, Winnie. Hi, Dodo.

Dodo Delwin's here, Mr. Daler.

Hi, Danny. Don't hi -danny me. I'm Dave from listening to Gallagher.

Call must have cost him 40 cents telling me off about you. Look, it was all a

mistake. Everything's a little mistake with you.

Lost another argument, huh?

He was a fellow with no sense of humor. How many jobs do you think there are?

What does a man have to be made of iron to handle you?

Look.

You satisfied?

I'm sober, ain't I? I tell you, it was all a misunderstanding.

Yeah, he's sober.

But you're fighting with managers. You're fighting with customers.

Next thing you know, I'll be booking you into the garden. You'll be fighting

four funny rounds with anybody.

I just came up to see if you had anything.

Wait a minute. Ever hear of Tonka Loma Lodge?

Lake Tonka Loma up near halls by now. I'm sending this show up over Labor Day

It's a week room and board in a hundred bucks. And if you click you can go back

next season 16 weeks That sounds pretty good Danny, huh? Dink. All right. See

you 10 o 'clock. We're auditioning for the client. Mr Jackson rehearsal hall

around the corner He likes you you're in you like him Thanks a lot Danny. Don't

thank me. Just go home get some supper and be there on time

This is going to be the best job we ever had. Yeah, it'll be kind of like going

to camp like a little rich kid.

As far as me getting the job up there for the next season, it's a cinch.

That's the way to talk, Dodo.

Nothing to be afraid about.

Just an audition.

He's got to like you. Yeah.

What's the matter?

You know what I forgot to get? What? Some mouthwash for the lip.

I'll get it. You go on upstairs. No, you've been running around enough today.

Now go on, go upstairs.

Get stuff ready for dinner. And look in my trunk for my piano lead sheet for

tonight. I'll be back in a minute.

Bye.

Hold 20 of that for rent.

I'm only going to the drugstore.

I know.

Except the drugstore's on this side of the street.

Oh.

There's the flurry of punches.

He's crumbling. He's down.

A hard right uppercut. Smart on the button.

Eight. Nine.

Ten. He's out.

The fight's over.

Dodo. Dodo.

Gee, Ding. He's really gone this time.

Yeah. But he's tired, too.

Here, Lucky. Go get some tomato juice and ice.

Dodo.

Dodo.

Oh, hi, Dinkins.

Gee, Donald, why did you have to?

Oh, I only had a couple.

Donald!

Come on.

I'm all right.

Here,

drink this.

Well, I don't mind if I do, Dink.

That's not what I earned.

That's what I earned. Come on.

Please. Some ice, then.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, Dink.

That'll bring him around.

Oh, not on my back, Dink. Oh, no. Boy, here.

Now, Dink.

Come on. See if you can stand up. Yeah, I can stand up. Your old man's all

right. Your old man's always all right.

Please, Dodo. Mr.

Dink will be waiting.

We're on our way right now.

I'll get you out and cook, Dodo. Thank you.

I'll give him a show.

Yes, sir. I'll have us up at Toko... Toko... What's the place you're going?

Yeah. Here you are, Dodo. Thank you.

It's in the bag. It's in the bag.

I'll be all right. Don't you worry. I'll be all right.

By the time we walk over to that rehearsal hall, I will be all right.

Come on, Beto.

Thanks very much. I'll call you.

Well, Mr. Jackson?

Good. Very good.

I like him.

You're dealing with Danny Daylor.

Talent. You know, I'm not going to send you anything small time.

Now, how about this Delwyn fellow?

He'll be here, Mr. Jackson.

Although auditioning Dodo Delwyn is an insult.

He was a Ziegfeld star.

Ziegfeld star, huh?

I still want to see him.

Come in.

Hello, Mr.

Daylord.

Mr. Jackson.

Meet Don O'Dellwyn.

Hello. Nice to see you, sir.

Funny.

He's drunk.

I am not drunk.

Now, don't be hasty, Mr. Jackson.

What are you trying to do to me?

I can't use a lush.

Look, I got another fellow for you. Phil Marlake. Funniest man you ever met in

your life.

A teetotaler.

All right, Daylord. All right.

But mark my words, if he isn't funny, out of your pocket.

Have him up there by Friday.

He wasn't very sociable, was he?

You sponge.

I almost lost that whole account on account of you.

I couldn't book you to a dog fight if you were made of liver.

You know why you're washed up in this business, Dodo?

I'll tell you.

Because nobody can depend on you.

You're just as drunk now as the night you fell off the stage at the Ziegfeld

Follies.

What are you going to do? Punch me in the nose like you did Goldie?

Don't bother to come in for your pictures.

I'll mail them to you.

Come on, Dotto. We better go.

hat and coat.

I forgot the mouthwash. Dodo!

Look, I'm just gonna get some meat for dinner.

No, Dodo, I'm not hungry.

You're a grown boy. You gotta eat regular.

I ate, Dodo, honest.

Okay, I'll crawl in the kit. I'll get some rest.

I'm pretty tired, Dink.

Boy, Jink.

Here, let me help you. I can get it. I'm here right now. Here, sure.

Let me help with you.

Well,

hurry. Get me out of here, will you? It's hot in here.

I can't die.

Wait a minute. Hold it. Hold it for me.

Easy.

You know, it's awfully nice of you to take care of me like this, Dink.

You fooled me?

I'm sure

busy, ain't you?

Yeah. Damn.

Okay, daughter, keep something.

You're a good boy, Dink.

Yeah.

Oh, boy.

Bye.

You don't believe what they said about me getting drunk and falling off the

stage at the Ziegfeld Follies, do you?

No.

About me hitting Goldie?

No.

We'll go fishing some other time, I think.

Yeah.

I'm going to lay off of it.

My word of honor.

Did you hear what I said, I think?

Oh, now you're not sore, are you?

No, I ain't sore.

Well, didn't you forget something?

Sure.

Sand in the left eye.

Sand in the right eye.

She has a tear.

There's mud in your eye.

Don't look.

Hmm.

Good morning.

Oh, good morning. Is Mr.

Goldenson in? Who should I say is calling?

Tell him Dink Delwin.

Will you have a seat, Mr. Delwin?

No, I'll stand down.

Mr. Goldenson, there's a Mr. Delwin here to see you.

Well, send him right in.

What do you know? Dodo Delwin.

Why, Dink, how are you?

Fine, Uncle Colby.

Where's your father?

He's not with me. I came alone.

Hey, how big you're getting.

Why, why, I hardly knew you. This is Dodo Delwin's kid. You never met Joe

Hoagley, did you? He books club dates for me.

Hi. Hi.

Sit down there. Let me look at you. I haven't seen you in almost two years.

Where have you and Dodo been?

Never see you anymore. Never hear from you.

We haven't been around.

We've been working out of town for most of the time.

Steady, too.

Tell me, Dink.

How is Dodo?

Fine. Just fine.

We've been busy. Real busy.

Yeah, sure.

Comics like Dodo are hard to find. Believe me.

Everybody's after him. Even the Markham office.

They want to be his agent.

But I thought maybe, well, maybe you could go back to managing him. Like in

old days.

The Markham office handled Dodo?

Listen, nobody handles Dodo Delwyn but me. Even if there's no commission in it.

Well, he'd want you to get your 10%. I'll tell you what, Dink.

Here's 50 just to keep Dodo from going with the Markham office.

Just on account.

Oh, I couldn't take that.

Ah, just a minute, Dink. This is an advance on the booking.

A booking? Sure.

Something's always coming up. We're always looking for a comic, aren't we,

Yeah. Lots of times we'd say if we only knew where to get in touch with Dodo,

didn't we, Joe?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Well, he's around.

He's raring to go.

You never saw him better. I never saw him better?

I had him with Siegfeld.

I'll never forget that ballet number.

He was the poor sap who lost a bent and had to go to a girl's ballet school.

It was this whole studio filled with beautiful dancers.

That was very, very nice, girls. Very nice.

Now, the next thing we shall do will be... Well, come in, Mr. Elliot.

No, I don't think I better. Will you please come in?

We have no time to play the hide -and -seek, Mr. Edgar. Come in.

Well, well, well. Look who's here.

Mr. Apollo.

Stomach in.

Chest out.

Shoulders back.

Hold up.

Line up, please.

One and two and three and four and five and six and seven and... Oh,

no, no, no, no.

What's the matter?

Well, it was an accident. My leg won't stretch.

It's all right this way, but this is kind of new to me.

It won't stretch, huh? No, ma 'am.

I shall stretch it for you. Put your arm around there.

Straight. Give me your leg.

Give me your leg.

All right, all right, all right, all right. Up, up.

Get off of there. Get off of there.

Stomach in, shoulders back, get up.

To the bar.

Put your foot on the rail.

Up here, up here.

You have some pretty tall friends, don't you?

Another way to walk.

Walking is not there.

It's here!

Well, I've been using the wrong inn for years.

Where is your carriage?

The secret of good carriage is pride.

Each day a woman must say to herself, I have a secret.

I am beautiful.

I am beloved.

And she must carry herself as if she believes it.

Watch.

I have a secret.

I am beautiful.

I am beloved.

Now you do it.

Me? Yes, you.

Oh, I'd rather not.

You will walk or I will give you demerits.

I'm walking.

I have a secret.

I am beautiful.

I am beloved.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, Mr.

Elliot. We do not waddle like a duck. That's the only way I know how to

Hold your head up.

High, high, high.

It's hooked on back there.

Well, hold it up high and hack like a proud horse.

Move over, Nell.

That will be 20 demerits for bad stable manners.

Girls, sit down.

How many times have I told you not to eat the candies?

You will ruin your shape.

What shape?

The next one I catch eating candies and throw away on the floor all the sticky

paper. We get 25 demerits.

Line up everybody for the balls.

Come on, hold on. Lively, make it lively.

That's it.

Music.

He could have had the world Here dink take the 50 just to bind the deal you'll

hear from us. Hey, I Want to ask you something well ask me

well, it's sort of a secret When

you see Doro you

won't tell him I was here no I called you

Thanks a lot, Uncle Goldie.

Bye. Bye.

From what I've heard, that 50 will end up in some gin mill.

What's the deal?

You'll go back to my books and you'll find that I owe Dodo $50.

Ever since he punched you in the nose, huh?

No, it wasn't like that. We had an argument.

He'd had a few. I was real hot -tempered.

I raised my hand and he had to protect himself, otherwise I would... Sure,

had to protect himself from Killer Goldenson.

Doro!

Doro! What's the matter?

Yeah?

What'd he say about me?

Nothing. He wants to handle you again.

Handle me?

Don't shout.

Yeah, honest.

He gave me 50 bucks on account so you wouldn't go with another agent.

Uncle Goldie was just wonderful.

Sure was lucky I ran into him.

Do you see it?

50 bucks.

I see it.

Great, huh?

No, it ain't great.

We don't accept charity.

We're going to take it back.

Gee, Charity.

I've told you a million times, don't say ain't.

Let's go. When they think we're on relief or looking for a handout or

I'll tell him a thing or two.

Gee, Donald, don't get sore.

You got a dime?

You got a dime?

Guy thinks he is, huh?

Be all up and down the...

Helping Dodo out.

What did you take it for?

Hello. Is Goldinson there?

This is Dodo Delwin. I'm sorry, Mr. Delwin. Mr. Goldinson is out.

Is that Dodo Delwin?

I'll take it here.

Just a moment. I'll let you talk to Mr. Hoagley.

I'm trying to get in touch with Goldie. He gave my kid some cock and bull story

about going to give me a date so he could slip him some dough.

Now, Dodo, this is on the level we can use you tonight at the Ritz Plaza.

The Ritz Plaza?

Yeah, convention in the French Room. Eight o 'clock.

Cancel back it. We won't need him tonight.

Yeah. Eight o 'clock, French Room.

Oh, uh, tuxedo.

Well, that's different.

Okay. Okay.

Sure, I'll be there with bells on.

Tonight, the French Room, the Ritz Plaza.

See? I told you he meant it.

Gosh, Goldie, booking me.

We're on our way, Dotto.

With Uncle Goldie handling us, we can't miss.

Just like old times, Dink. Just like old times.

And I got routines that even Goldie hadn't seen. The substitute fighter bit.

three drunks at the bar.

I'll tell you one thing. With Goldie booking us, we'll be out of this joint

no time.

Yeah, this joint's a dump.

We won't even bother about packing our clothes. We'll burn them.

Can we have a house? You name it.

Maybe out on the island. And a dog. A small one. Any size. Two of them. Of

course, you're going to have to cut the grass. I don't go in for that kind of

stuff. I'll cut it.

Wash the car?

A yellow one.

When the top of it goes down. Sure. For the summer, of course, we're going to

need a big blackman for when we go to those high -class places.

Oh, it happened, Dodo. It happened.

Yeah, I got to go get cleaned up.

Hey, I got to bail out my tux. And your cufflinks. The worst.

Ah, here we are.

Not a moth hole.

Good as gold.

The cufflinks are in the pocket.

Gee, looks swell, Mr. Eason. Huh, Dodo? Yeah.

Here are the cufflinks.

What do I owe you?

Twelve dollars, dodo, like always.

You still got the watch, Mr. Houston?

You know I wouldn't sell it.

Bring it out.

It'd be swell if you could wear it tonight.

Ah, here we are.

Well, well, well.

Medals from the government.

Purple hearts.

Yes.

Even a congressional medal.

Got a whole tray full of them here.

But a medal like this... Ziegfeld.

Once in a lifetime.

Can I hold it, Dodo? Can I?

Sure.

To my friend, Dodo Delwin, the funniest man I've ever known,

Florence Ziegfeld.

Thirty.

You gonna wear it?

No, Dink, you are.

Me? It's yours.

For keeps?

For keeps.

Gee, Doro, this is the most important thing in the whole world to you.

No, Dink, you are.

Thanks, Doro. I love you.

Oh, cut it out, Dink. You want Mr. Houston to think you're a softie?

Well, I wish I had one like that.

It's the last time you'll see that watch. I hope so, Dodo. I really hope

Can I wind it?

Sure, you've got to set it first. Is that the correct time?

Mm -mm.

Here.

Golly, Ziegfeld's watch.

You can wear it out looking at it.

Quarter twelve.

What a little time it is.

Bye, Mr. Houston. Goodbye.

Have we seen you? I hope not.

I'm one of the entertainers. How do I get backstage?

Oh, yes. You go down here to the corridor, turn right, and it's the first

Thank you.

What is your name, please?

Hines. Mr. and Mrs. Hines.

There's Uncle Goldie. Over there talking to Hal Ziering.

You stay here and don't get in anybody's way.

Okay.

Why don't you sing him a couple of tunes from your show?

Well, anything you say.

Hi, Goldie.

Dodo.

Well, Dodo.

You look wonderful.

I can't tell you how glad I am to see you.

I was afraid you might still be a little sore at me.

Ah, forget it.

That's all past.

But what are you doing here?

I came here to work tonight.

Who called you?

It was some fellow in your office.

Hoagley was his name.

Oh.

Oh.

Joe.

Dodo, this is Joe Hoagley.

Glad to know you. Hello, Delman. Did you tell Dodo to come here tonight?

Sure, I canceled back it. You gave the kid the 50, and I... This isn't Dodo's

kind of work. Well, now, wait. I got a lot of swell stuff prepared.

Dodo, there's been a mistake.

Oh.

Then the 50 was charity.

Not charity, Dodo.

We needed back it for a special kind of thing tonight.

I take nothing for nothing. You gave me the money I spent it. I'm here to do a

job. Now, what is it? We just need the guy to... Never mind, Joe.

Okay.

Dodo, you know back it. He's a nothing.

We have a gag. A guy to work with Charlie as a receiver.

Okay, then I'm the receiver.

What's the bid?

Please, Dodo, there'll be something else. I can call somebody. There's lots

time. I told you, Goldie, we made a deal. Now, what time did I go on?

8 .30.

8 .30.

Would you do me a favor? Anything you say.

Well, I got Dink with me. Would you take him for a walk or something? I don't

want him to see it.

It'll be a pleasure.

I don't want to see it either.

Take it easy, Dink. Slow down. It's too cold for your stomach.

You're not eating yours.

No, I should have had milk. Sodas don't agree with me.

I got time for another one.

Look, Dodo gave me this for keeps.

Yeah, I remember when he got it.

Such a comedian.

Dodo says with you handling him again and big jobs like tonight, this is his

comeback. We're even going to get a house.

But I have to wash the car.

Give him another soda.

Back to work, please. Yes, ma 'am.

Gee, that sounds good.

Goldie.

Oh, Paula.

Goldie, you look wonderful.

So do you, Paula. How are you? I thought you were in Paris.

We've been back since April.

We're living in Philadelphia now.

My husband has been made general manager of the whole East Coast.

Oh, that's great for you, Paula.

Here you are, lady.

Got a headache, lady? Yes, I have.

Oh, those are no good.

You ought to try that fizz stuff that you mix.

Oh, thank you. I'll try it sometime.

Is this your boy, Goldie? No, no. He's just a... My name's Dick. We're just

friends. Hello, Dick. My name is Paula.

Hi, Paula. Glad to know you. Same here.

Well, I better be getting back to my party.

Good seeing you again, Goldie.

Take it. Very pleased to meet you. Me too.

Bye.

Nice lady.

Yeah.

Oh,

Paula, your husband is a wonderful dancer.

Oh, don't tell him that. He's foiled enough already.

Well, ladies and gentlemen of the Universal Business Machine Sales

Now that you've had a chance to say hello to your friends, we're ready to

continue with the entertaining.

We're liable to miss Dodo. No, no, there's lots of time.

No, we better be getting back.

Wait a minute, Dink.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, for the pièce de résistance.

That's French for a low -budget show.

We're going to do a little sketch for you tonight, and I have to have an

assistant for this.

So, you.

Young man, come on out here. You'll be fine for this.

Don't be nervous.

Right over here.

Sit right down there.

Rob, it's Dodo.

Should we leave, darling?

No. No, it's okay. Good. Lean right back. Relax.

No, no. I think you better sit forward.

That's it.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, there's nothing we wouldn't do for you. And

exactly what we're going to do. Nothing.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to show you how to be a real up -to -the

-minute hard -hitting...

Will you, boy?

Okay, now the first thing you have to learn is how to approach the customer.

And the right approach, of course, is to make the customer feel good.

On the level, you're the plainest man I ever saw.

Oh, it'll get better, ladies and gentlemen. It can't get worse.

Now, of course, some men like the more sophisticated approach.

So, you offer them a cigar.

And you light.

Some of these fellas don't like to smoke. You have to get into their good

in another way. So, we butter them up.

Now, some of these purchasing agents won't buy from you unless you cut them

for a piece of the pie.

So, we give them a piece of the pie.

Some of these purchasing agents, on the other hand, are hogs. Our attitude is

that it's better to get our equipment into the plant just for the advertising.

So, we say, forget your commission.

Give the purchasing agent the whole...

I just have to find out.

I will, Paula.

Now, why don't you go upstairs, and I'll talk to Dodo.

All right, darling.

You getting it cleaned up, Dink?

Come on, let's get out of here, huh?

Dodo, you didn't have to take that stooge, but...

You didn't have to. It's an honest buck, Dink. Did you hear the way I made him

laugh?

This is a classy place.

We're going to get a lot of work out of this, Shawna. You watch.

Yeah? I'll get it.

Hello, Dodo.

I'd like to talk to you.

Hey, Dink.

Wait outside, will you?

What's on your mind, Henderson?

Is that Paula's boy?

If I remember correctly, she had something to do with it, yeah.

She'd like to see him, Dodo.

Oh, she would, would she?

Well, she's out of luck.

She washed us both up years ago.

That's not fair, Dodo. Paula did what was best for Dink at the time. I got

But you were a big star then. You could give the boy the things she couldn't.

Any mother would want her child to have the advantages a successful father could

give him.

Well, she gave me Dink. Now she wants to see him.

Is that asking too much? For me, it is, yeah.

Dodo, be reasonable.

Let Paula see her own boy.

I got the kid, and I'm keeping him.

You and Paula, you got a kid of your own, ain't you? I'm a little girl.

But the boy is Paula's, too.

No, no.

She's got you and a new kid.

I got Dink, and it remains as is.

Dodo, it means a lot to me for Paula to see the boy.

If you need a little money. If I need any, I'm crawling in dough.

Like I'm getting stoop -toldered from lugging it around There's 200 just let

come up to our suite for 15 minutes. They're right here in the hotel. It

do any harm Look I'm

not crazy about doing this in this and when the guys looks bad and things don't

click as they should buy But you got to do things you wouldn't do if you were

flushed Okay

15 minutes, but no shenanigans.

Thanks a lot, Dodo.

We're in 30C.

Hey, Dink.

Yeah, Dodo?

Go wash your face and hands.

What? Again?

We're just going home.

Do what I tell you, will you?

Okay.

Just wash your face and listen.

I want you to go up to room 30C.

I'll wait for you in the lobby.

What's in 30C? Somebody wants to talk to you.

What somebody?

There's somebody in 30C. You act like a gentleman, like your pop.

Sure, if you say so. Let me look at you.

Don't you ever wash behind your ears.

Look at that.

Ow! Not so hard.

You could plant things there.

Where's your handkerchief?

Do you have a handkerchief?

Well, pull it up where you can see it. There.

Now, button your coat.

Let me look at you.

Now, look.

I want you to be a gentleman.

Watch your manners.

I'll wait for you down in the lobby.

Fifteen minutes, no longer.

And don't say ain't.

Now, don't be nervous, darling. Everything's going to be all right.

I'll be in the other room.

All right.

Oh, hi, Paula.

Hello, Dink.

My, I'm glad to see you.

Won't you come in?

Yeah. How's your headache?

Oh, much better, thanks.

Oh, that's good.

I tried that Fizz stuff you told me about.

It worked.

Is that what you want to see me about?

I wanted to thank you. Oh, that's okay.

Won't you sit down?

Yeah.

Gee, you must be working steady.

This is some layout you got here.

You know that?

I'm glad you like it, Dink. Yeah.

Oh.

Dodo and me, we're not fixed up as classy as this.

Our place is a little more lively.

We got the Dundies right above us, and they're fighting all the time.

Then some nights I can listen to the jukebox playing at the saloon while I'm

waiting for Dodo to come home.

Does he leave you alone much at night, Dink?

No, he takes me with him almost every place he goes, especially when he's

shooting dice.

He says I'm lucky.

Of course, sometimes when he goes on the bench, I wait up for him till he comes

home. Then I have to plant him in the tip.

You like your father an awful lot, don't you, Dick?

Like him?

Dodo's the greatest guy in the whole world.

Gee, I ought to meet him sometime.

I'm telling you, you'd like him.

I have met him, Dick.

You have?

Didn't your father tell you who I am?

Uh -uh.

Has he ever talked to you about your mother?

Well, you see, she kicked the bucket before I was born.

Dodo didn't tell you that?

I don't know.

I heard it someplace.

You mustn't believe it, Dink.

That isn't true.

I'm your mother, Dink.

Huh?

What are you trying to do?

With me? No, darling.

No, I really am your mother.

I cross my heart.

Well, then how come you're not living with Dodo and me?

Well, you see, we disagreed.

I'm married to Mr. Henderson now.

If you're not married to Dodo no more, well, then I guess you're not my mother.

What are you crying about?

Dink, I am your mother.

Nothing, nothing that ever happened between Dodo and me can alter that.

Well, you don't have to cry about it.

I like you.

Do you, Dink?

Do you really? Sure.

Mommy, I can't get Dolly to go to sleep.

Well, now, maybe if you went to sleep, the Dolly would.

Don't you think so?

Give me a kiss.

Good night, darling. Good night, Mommy.

Who was that?

That was Judy, your half -sister.

She was born in Paris.

Paris, Illinois?

We played there.

No, Ding. Paris, France.

Way across the ocean.

France?

Oh, then she's a Frenchman.

Well, what do you know?

It must be getting pretty late.

This was Dodo's.

Yes, I know. Ziegfeld gave it to him.

Well, I gotta be going now, Paula.

Dink.

Would you kiss me goodbye?

Huh?

Oh, no, Paula. I don't kiss dames.

Oh, please.

Just once.

Well, what good would it do?

It would make me awfully happy if you would.

Well, okay.

So long, Pa.

Bye, dear.

Hey, Dink, over here.

Everything go okay?

What's with her?

Did she make any cracks about me?

She says she's my mother.

I suppose she's got a real swell layout, huh?

Is she my mother?

This art place will look like a dump from now on.

I just want to know, is she my mother? Yeah, what of it? I suppose you want to

live with her and her fancy joint.

No, there's nothing too much wrong with our place. You bet there ain't. Anything

is wrong, I can fix, because I got lucky, and I feel real lucky tonight.

Gee, that's a bundle.

Where'd you get that? That's just the beginning.

I'm going to run it up to a billion.

I'm going to spit on it for luck.

Yeah, boy.

Well, what are we... Come on, let's get going.

Eight. Eight.

Eight, right back.

What are they going to do with all that scratch? Well, first of all, Dink and me

are going to get a new place to live.

Long Island, maybe.

Eater from Decatur.

Count the freckles, boys. The whole 300 goes.

A hundred of them.

Shut up, please. I'm dying on my feet.

Can't quit while we're going. So go lay down in one of the cars. But pick out a

good one because a couple more passes and we'll be driving it home.

You shoot him, huh?

How about the TikTok, huh?

The watch, the watch.

Oh.

You'll get it.

I'm going to keep going nuts.

He's going to die when he finds out about it.

I'll tell you what I'll do, Dodo.

If you can raise the dough in the next couple of days, I'll give it to your

bank. Okay? Okay, just don't sell it.

Okay, I'll see you.

Hey, Dink.

Wake up, Dink. Come on, we're heading for home.

Come on. Boy, I'm tired.

What time is it?

It's morning. Here, come on.

Here, get your coat.

Come on, boy, we gotta get out of here. Come on.

I'll help you put it on.

You want me to carry you?

No, I got legs.

Okay.

Have bad luck?

Yeah, oh yeah, they took me to the cleaners.

Well, tomorrow's another day.

Chin up.

Here. Here, I'll get that drink. Come on, we're all tired out.

The bed will feel pretty good in it.

Come on, give me your hook.

You feeling sick or something, Donald?

No, I feel fine.

I got up pretty early this morning. I was supposed to go over and register at

that new school.

Yeah, well, don't you worry about that now.

Grown boys have got to get plenty of sleep.

I've got to get some school in, Donald.

And this last year, I traveled with the carnival.

Oh. Be careful with the watch.

Yeah, it's okay.

What are you going to do, sleep in your shirt?

Oh.

Hop in.

Come on.

You sit tight.

You coming to bed, too?

A little later, yeah.

How about the Sandman bit?

Sand in the left eye.

Sand in the right eye.

Shed a tear.

There's mud in your eye.

Night, Donald.

Good night.

What do you want? What are you doing? Following me?

I want to talk to you, Dodo. Maybe to Dink, too.

Not a chance. Get low. Don't shut the door on me, Dodo. I have something to

Keep your voice down. The kid's sleeping.

All right. Say your little piece and then get going.

Paul and I have a proposition to make to you. Yeah?

Why not let us have Dink for a while?

We'd like to do things for him.

Like what?

Can't you see the advantages we could give him? A home, decent environment,

friends. We could send him to a good school.

He's going to school right here.

I know you love the boy, Dodo, but give him a break.

Let Paula have him.

I thought you'd come up with something like that.

I'm his father. I'll send him to school and I'll dress him. If we wanted to get

rough, we could take him away from you, you know.

I don't think anybody could say you're the best father in the world.

Look, I'm counting just to keep from belting you.

And I'm almost to ten.

Now, if you're real smart, you'll get going while the going's good.

Morning, Dink.

Who are you talking to?

Oh, nobody.

Nobody important.

Gee, it's almost 8 .30.

I've got to get up and case that new school.

It starts this week.

It's gone.

My watch is gone.

Somebody got it. I've been robbed.

No, you haven't been robbed, Dink. But I ain't got it. I ain't got it. It's

gone. I blew it in a crap game.

Dodo. Oh, but I'll get it back just as soon as I get some money. I'll get it

back.

She gave it to me for keeps.

Oh, I didn't know everything happened so quick.

Gosh, I'm sorry, but I'll get it back.

Oh, Dink, come on. Get your chin up.

Come on. Be a big guy and... Oh, now you get that lip up before you lose it.

Come on, Dink. Give me a little smile. Just a little one, huh?

Atta boy.

I'll get some work now. I'll get a bankroll and I'll get your watch back.

I swear I will, Dink.

Trust me, Dinker. Trust me.

You seen little Julie?

Yeah, he's in the second boat thing.

Hi, Julie.

Oh, Toto.

What's on your mind?

I ran into Zippo. He said I'd find you around here.

Step into my office.

I need a job, real bad and real quick.

Oh, it changed your tune, didn't you?

I remember the time you said you wouldn't work for me if I was the last

earth. All right, I'm asking.

Okay.

I got a little function going tonight that you can emcee over in Jersey.

Pays 50.

I gotta have 65.

Oh, pardon me. I forgot you were with Ziegfeld's store.

Look, Julie, if it wasn't real important, I wouldn't beg for the other

It's something I gotta have.

Okay. Seeing as this will be a real select audience, important guys.

My mom's getting married tomorrow. What time's the show?

Meet me out front here at 7 .30, and don't be late. I borrowed a French car.

Well, how many of us is going?

You and the two dames I hired.

Real debut tramps.

Maybe we'll have some laughs on the way over. Just tell me where the place is.

I'll be there. Well, there's plenty of room in the car.

These strippers don't need any luggage to carry their kind of costumes.

And all you're bringing are them...

Good jokes.

Yeah, them good jokes.

7 .30.

There's the kind of girls you can take home to mother.

You can trust father, of course.

Just blew a gas.

Down, boy, down.

All right, hold it.

Okay,

you two.

A thing like this can spoil a girl's reputation.

Yeah. All right, all right, girls, quiet.

Now, let's have your name.

Ruth.

And your name is Jones.

Yeah, that's nice.

Well, have you decided on a first name?

What do you suggest?

How about Mary?

I like it.

Take him up.

Come on, girl.

That's right.

All right, girl. Out here.

Hello?

Dink?

Yeah. I'm sorry to wake you up, fella.

But this show's gonna run later than I thought.

Sure. I'm going great.

They're eating it up.

I might even have to stay all night.

And I didn't want you to worry.

Yeah.

Now, look, you have a good breakfast. I don't want you running around on an

empty stomach.

You go to school, and I'll see you when you get home.

Okay, Dane.

Bye.

That was my kid. I...

I didn't want him to worry.

Yeah. He must be real proud of you.

No, no, no more phone calls. That's enough.

That's enough. I've got to make one. No more.

What happens? Are we getting out of here?

It's fixed. It's fixed.

The politician?

Some politician. He said he belonged to every party but ours. But I got somebody

else. Who?

Now, look, now, don't blow your top, though, but I put a call through to your

friend Goldie, and he's on his way over now.

You call Goldenson? For sure. He's always telling everybody along Broadway

a good friend of yours he is.

Now we'll see.

All right, all right, no rough stuff. Look, you better put us in different

or I'm going to be up for murder.

All right, fellow, let's get going.

How could you do a thing like this?

I can't believe it, a man with your talent to get involved like that.

If you needed money, all you had to do was come to me.

$65. If it was $6 ,500, I'd have given it to you.

I never thought I'd live to see this day.

I'm sending Dink to his mother.

What? I'm sending Dink to his mother. I've thought it over. It's the only

to do. I don't get your reasoning.

I ain't no good for him. That's my reason.

You'll be better off with her.

And you're going to help. How?

Why get me into this?

You're going to take him to her.

Maybe they're still at the hotel. If they're not, take him where they live.

Philadelphia? Yeah, I'll fill you in. Don't argue.

Dink knows you, she knows you, and you're the only one that can do it.

What's the matter?

I don't know.

Everything's all piled up. I'm tired. I'm beat.

Give yourself a break. Let it rest for now.

No. You'll have a tough time getting rid of them. I'll get rid of them.

Maybe you'll even forget me. Kids are like that.

I'd think it over some more if I were you. I've thought it over plenty. I'm

going to think about it anymore.

Hi, Dotto.

Uncle Goldie, say, something big must be up. I'll make some coffee. Don't

bother. You're going with Goldie.

Sure. Where?

Goldie's taking you to your mother.

What for?

Because I said so. You're going to stay with your mother from now on.

Oh, no, daughter. I want to stay with you.

You do?

Sure.

That's tough.

You're just out of luck. You're going to your mother.

What am I going to do with her?

Well, you go to school every day and learn something.

Grow up to be somebody.

I'm tired of feeding you. Let her feed you for a while.

I just don't like you anymore.

You're hanging around me everywhere I go and saying you ain't all the time.

I just don't like you anymore, that's all.

I won't eat so much, Dodo.

And I won't hang around you.

I'll just stay here.

No, no.

Don't send me, Dodo.

See, I'm going to school here.

I could grow up to be somebody here. No, no, no.

You're going to your mother. And I want no sniveling around.

You're going to stay with her. I don't want any back talk from you. Now, that's

that.

No, Dodo.

I ain't going to go.

I'm telling you, I ain't going to go. Yes, you are.

Dodo, I don't want to go. Shut up. Goldie's taking you to your mother. No,

want to stay with you.

Please. I want to stay with you.

You're going to your mother.

want me.

Go on, blow. Get out of here.

And leave that picture here.

It's mine. He gave it to me.

Well, I'm taking it back.

Now go on, get out.

Go on, I'm sick of looking at you.

My kid.

I hit my kid. I hit him. I hit my kid. I hit him.

Brown, the lights, please. Yes, ma 'am.

Oh, Mommy.

That's all for tonight.

Can I look at your mom? No, you can't. You can see it again tomorrow.

Hey, Daddy, good night. Good night, honey.

Wasn't that a nice picture?

Yes. Sweet dreams, darling.

Tell me a story.

All right, honey, I'll whisper you one.

Time for bed, Dink.

Bedtime.

Gee, you have a little cold, haven't you?

Yeah. You know, my eyes and nose, well, they've been running something awful.

Maybe it's the roses. They do that to some people.

Yeah, that's what it is, the roses.

There aren't any roses around here. Oh, sometimes it's just in the air.

Say, Dink, that reminds me. A friend of mine makes model airplanes with real

gasoline engines.

He said if we want to come out with him on Sunday, he'll show us how to fly one,

and then perhaps we could build one.

Yeah.

Well, we'll... we'll see.

Come on. Come on, you two. Run upstairs.

I'll be up in a minute to get you settled.

Come in.

Like your room, dear?

Fine. You better get undressed. I'll get your pajamas.

Could I help you, darling?

No, I can't undress myself.

Ralph is sort of looking forward to that airplane thing on Sunday.

Sounds exciting, doesn't it?

Yeah.

Let me help you.

No. Let me take that one.

Okay.

You don't know how happy I am to have you here.

You better go now, Pa.

Couldn't I just turn my back?

Only if you turn it all the way.

All right.

It's going to be wonderful for you here, Dink.

There's so many nice boys in the neighborhood to play with.

Aren't you going to put on your pajamas?

I don't wear them things.

All right.

Let's get tucked in real good.

You know the Sandman bit?

Sand in the left eye.

Sand in the right eye.

Shed a tear.

There's mud in your eye.

All tucked in?

Ralph, if just once he'd call me mother.

The day he calls you mother, our battle is won.

You gotta snap out of it, Dodo.

For years, you've been dreaming of the big chance. And this is it. I'm laying

in your lap.

Yeah, I'm not interested.

Dodo, I know how you feel.

But this is television.

39 weeks. If you click, it's big money. Bigger money than you ever made.

I don't need any money.

You do need money. The more the money, you need the comeback.

This is a new medium.

It's a new audience.

There are millions of people, kids, who have never seen you.

I'm washed up.

They always hop along Cassidy, and he had to feed a horse.

Go away. Leave me alone, will you? For your own sake, Dodo. For your own pride.

Think. The Dodo Delvin Show.

We're supposed to start rehearsals tomorrow.

Who needs rehearsals? Who needs television?

All I need is some sleep.

Think.

Hello, Donald.

Gee whiz.

I thought I'd come and see how you were.

Gee.

Got a little cold, huh?

No.

I'm just sort of crying.

Oh, no, you're not.

You look swell, Dean.

Sure is a classy hoot.

By golly, you've even got a manicure.

What happened to your hand?

Oh, it's nothing. Just scratched it a little.

You been feeling good, Toto?

Sure.

Been feeling great.

The greatest.

I ain't even had one drink.

Don't say you ain't, Toto.

Thanks.

Guess what?

Goldie's got me a television deal.

Coast to coast, a half -hour program.

A half -hour, the Dodo Delwyn show.

No kidding?

Yeah. We start rehearsals tomorrow.

I got a lot of swell material, too. I'll bet you have. Am I glad you're going to

be around to help me because I'm going to kill the people. I always said you

could. There's no reason why I can't stage a comeback.

You'll slam.

You'll be better never.

Yeah, and when I do, you know what I'm going to do? Have two girls to follow us

around, do nothing but take care of our fingernails. Couldn't we get a couple

men to do that? A couple. We'll get ten. One for each finger.

And we're going to get that yellow convertible.

The one with the horn that goes... Beep, beep.

We'll travel all over, personal appearances, Philadelphia, Chicago,

Miami, boy, we'll really... All

right,

quiet down, everybody. Hold it, hold it, please.

I want to talk to Dodo.

Yes, sir. Dodo, over on the boom mic, huh?

Merrick, hit your spot.

After the opening jollies, I do an imitation of different people walking up

down stairs.

Look, could we see it once just for cameras? Everybody else clear the stage,

please. Everybody.

You want me to do the falls? No, no, no. Save yourself on the falls. I just want

to mind it up with the cameras. Well, can I have the stairs?

Stairs, fellas. Come on, get on them. Will you please the stairs? Where's my

hat? Never mind the hat, Dodo. I just want to see how high you go on the steps

so I know I'll have you in camera at all times.

Okay. Well, let's start off with a couple of gags about different people

up stairs.

And then I go about this high. I never go any higher than this, and it's all

pretty fast. I don't know if they can carry it or not.

Then we... Hey, something's wrong with Dodo.

You all right, Dodo? Dodo!

Somebody get some water. Yeah, get back. Give him a little air. I'm okay.

Did you hurt yourself, Dodo? No, I'm all right. I got just a little dizzy was

all. What time is it? Here, drink this.

Thank you.

1228, Ziegfeld watch time.

Dodo, you better go in and lie down for a while. We'll break for lunch. One

hour, everybody.

In your dressing room, Dodo. What's everybody making a big fuss over

How's the show going to look?

Sensational.

Sensational. Hey, you okay, Dodo? I'm fine, but run out and get us some lunch,

will you? Yeah. I'm okay.

You sure scared me for a second.

Yeah, nothing to worry about. Hey, what's with Dodo? I don't know.

happened. You better call Dr. Strauss. Right.

This is Dodo Delwin, star of television and stethoscopes. Am I getting through

to you, Doc? Will you keep quiet and let him listen? When was the last time you

had a checkup, Dodo?

Look, Doc, for the last ten years, you could deposit all my checks with a

racket. Now Goldie's trying to treat me like a prize racehorse.

I'd like you to drop in the office later on today. I want to examine you more

thoroughly. I can. I got rehearsals today and I got a show tomorrow.

Well, what about the day after? Nah, be too busy taking bows.

He'll be there, Doc.

Some of them nice sour pickles.

Pastrami and sour pickles?

What are you doing here?

We came to see the show.

Paula here, too?

Paula, too.

Good. It's going to be a smash -a -roo.

We'll keep our fingers crossed.

Pretty hard to apply it that way, eh?

Yeah. You see me? Okay, then.

Hello, Dink. How's Dodo? Fine. Good.

You better check with downstairs about the opening billboard.

How's our time on that last rehearsal?

26 .32.

Hello, Dodo.

Paula.

Ralph and I came down to see the show.

And to get dink?

No.

No, we tried that. It didn't work.

He loves you very much, Dodo.

Why, yes, he does.

He's a fine boy, isn't he?

You've done a wonderful job.

Gee, Paula, that coming from you means a lot.

If I click tonight, I'll be on Easy Street and I'll give him everything he

needs. Why shouldn't you click?

You're a great comic, Dodo.

I'll be out there rooting for you.

Good luck.

Gee, I can't miss.

Paula. I was never in your class.

But believe me, I'll see the dinkies.

Seven, six, five, four, three, two...

Roll the opening billboard.

Statewide steel, the steel that builds America, presents

the daffy delightful crown of clowns, Dodo Delwyn.

Hugh Dodo.

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen, for your wonderful reception,

thanks for inviting me into your living room. I suppose a lot of you right now

have sent for the television repairman to get your sets fixed, but they're not

out of focus. I always look this way.

I didn't think anyone would recognize me being new to television, but coming

into the stage door, someone yelled, Dodo's in the crowd! And they all turned

around and looked at me. Gee, I was so embarrassed.

I was sorry I yelled.

I'm sort of new to television. This is my first appearance, as you know, and I

have worked a lot of nightclubs. Of course, you know what a nightclub is.

where high -class people stand around like this.

What time's the floor show?

I,

uh, a lot of you folks, of course, have never seen me before.

The type of things I do, each actor has a specialty of some kind. They're all

nervous here tonight, everyone but me.

What I try to do is to do things that happen in everyday life, things that you

do and that I do. Now, for instance, coming in tonight, I was noticing

people, how they walk up and down stairs.

I'd like to show how you look walking up and down stairs. Wait a minute.

Here.

What did it do? Heel up?

Oh.

You see, I wasn't prepared to do this. It just so happens I had a pair of

with me.

Well, first now, we have a fellow who works in an office building. They

take two steps at a time.

Now, the same guy one day, she's a very beautiful girl, and he wants to make an

impression with her, so he takes three steps at a time.

You ever see a cowboy going upstairs?

A nearsighted guy coming downstairs.

Did you ever see a model?

I love these fashion shows. They're not allowed to look down, see, and they're

always afraid they're going to fall.

Then we have a fellow who has been out a little bit too late, and he comes in

about three in the morning.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, we'd like for you to meet four very beautiful girls.

They have just completed a successful engagement at the pump room of the

Hospital. I give you now the Ajax sisters.

He didn't leave that wall, did he? No.

What is it? What's the matter? Dodo, don't you feel good? No, I'm okay.

Where's the stuff for the last scene? Where's the wardrobe man? Dodo, you're

up to it. Dodo, I never saw you look like this before.

What's the matter?

Nothing. I'm okay. I'm okay. Get him out of here, Goldie. Get him out of here.

You're not well. No show is worth it.

Dink's worth it.

Give me my coat.

Listen to Uncle Goldie. Don't do it. You should rest.

Dink, be a good boy now. Don't bother me. Where's my hat? It's on the set.

finish the show, don't worry.

What's the matter with him? What's the matter with Dodo?

And now, Dodo Deldwyn and Willie Blotto in Topsy Turvy.

Well, it's finished, Mrs. Blotto.

Good. Jeff, mail me the bill. It's going to be a whopper. I don't care what it

costs if it works. I'm sick and tired of his staying out all night. I want to

give him one good scare to put him back on the wagon for keeps. Well, this ought

to do it. I wouldn't want to be in his shoes when he wakes up.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Now, wait a minute.

I've seen a lot of rumors in my day, but they just don't look right to me. They

just don't look right. I've seen a lot of rumors, but they just don't look

to me.

Uncle Henry, got anything on your hip?

Empty. Empty.

Oh no.

Oh no.

I'm on the floor, but I'm afraid to stand up.

I can't let them catch me here.

Yes,

dear, what is it?

Oh, no.

a little food in me. That's what I need.

When you get sober, come down off the wall and have your breakfast, will you?

But, Willie, it was all a joke.

It was?

Oh, well, why didn't you tell me?

A gentleman always helps a lady.

I don't know how to really thank you except to say that, well, show business

more ups and downs than an elevator.

It's either feast or famine.

I guess it's no secret that the last few years it's been famine with me.

But tonight you've changed all of that.

With your laughter and applause, you filled my heart.

So may I say thank you and bless you.

Good night.

You did it, Dodo. You did it. You were great. Just great.

Great show, Dodo. Wonderful.

Thanks a lot. Let's go to this dressing room.

Dodo, a great show. You were wonderful.

Got to take it easy, huh, Doc?

Oh, you were terrific.

Great show, Dodo.

What a night, boys.

Get Dr.

Strauss, quick.

Don't be carrying the dressing room.

Nothing. Don't look so worried.

I did the topsy -turvy without a set.

I was good, wasn't I, Dink?

I'll say you were.

You wanted me to quit in the middle of the show.

Aren't you ashamed of yourself?

Mm -hmm. Oh, come on, Dink. Give me the old smile, huh?

Give Dodo the old front and center.

Were you proud of your old man?

Oh, gee, Dodo.

He and I, haven't I always been?

Sure.

That's my Dinky.

Good boy.

Dodo! Dodo, open your eyes! Look at me, Dodo!

Dodo, please, it stinks!

Open your eyes and look at me! Please, please!

Doctor, what's the matter? What's the matter with him? Oh, come on, son.

You've got to be brave.

Dodo's just tired, you know.

Come on.