Original subtitles

Your date just pulled up in front of the house.

Tell him to come in.

Your gentlemen know they're not welcome in this house.

Oh, for Christ...

So I see you're still in mourning.

Listen, Sonny, your father died over two years ago.

Yeah, making up for lost time, huh?

Listen, little Hamlet, I was only 14 years old when your father knocked me

I made a good home for him, and to show his appreciation, he drank himself to

death. But he knew and knew that I was a real pot to piss in.

I mean, if I hadn't had the foresight to mature him up to the eyeballs, you and

I would be out on the streets. Don't get self -righteous with me.

I mean, I still look good. I have held my age.

And if you took me out, your friends would think you got lucky.

Come on in.

Come around, Michelle.

You look fantastic.

Well, thank you. So do you. Yeah. Look, I've got to run, so we'll take care of

the baby, won't you?

Yeah.

Hey, have I forgotten anything?

Yeah, your niece has them, too, but can't align.

You son of a bitch.

Exactly.

Hell, I have to apologize for Jamie. He has no right to speak to you like that.

Okay.

I will see you later.

What's the matter with you?

I don't know. Talk to you later.

You should be so cool with your own mother.

If you were my dad, he'd... Fuck it.

Can't forget I'm here.

So am I.

And all this family stuff gets me money.

Hi, how are you?

It's an amazing, good time tonight.

It is a surprise to me, and a shock.

I'm surprised.

Good night.

Oh, yes.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Thank you.

There's a second one.

Mom, I hope that we stretch a little more in the evening.

You know, that's just gonna drive me nuts.

So?

When are you gonna do it?

Do what?

Screw you.

Are you out of your mind?

Well, I'm tired, huh?

Maybe a little.

It is gonna drop in a minute.

I'm gonna have to take my mind off of it.

You do that

so well.

And I'm just assuming for the sake of argument, I mean, you know, that I

you know, would do something that sick.

Now, but I want you to know that, you know, I mean, well, it just really

wouldn't end in my head, but...

What made you think that he wouldn't rather strangle me than fuck me?

You two have been doing this freaking mating dance for years.

I mean, even before Charlie died.

I don't know.

I've been watching you.

I don't know.

Look there.

I've seen you look at that kid when he gets out of the pool in his bathing

That's not the mother of his wife. That's the wife. That's the end of me,

You just want to admit it to yourself.

What are the men you go out with?

They're all trim.

Well, they're all trim.

You don't go out with anybody overweight.

You think I don't know what I am?

No, what are you, Michael?

I'm a substitute for Jamie.

Well, it's bullshit.

Bullshit. It's just bullshit. I don't understand why you're giving me all

ideas.

I'm thinking about Jamie.

I am thinking about Jamie. Take it out of your head. I'm thinking about the

Michael.

You're honest with yourself.

You like it.

Sounds like you're the one that wants to have an affair with Jamie.

Come on, baby.

I'm here. I want to just stop.

Take my mind off this problem.

Do you want to let you just think about it? Are you telling me about it?

Do you ever clear to you I might be thinking of you and not Jamie?

Thank you.

We'll get a better head down now.

What's that?

Oh,

my God.

I'm hot now, isn't it?

Oh, God. I like that idea.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God. Come here, Jamie.

Come here,

Jamie.

Come here, Jamie.

Oh, my.

Oh,

God.

Oh, my God.

Oh god

damn.

Swallow it in.

Hi, how you doing?

All right. Nice to see you.

Look, can I get you a drink?

Oh, no, thanks. Sure.

Yeah. Okay.

You must have got the schedule mixed up.

You know Jamie's schedule?

Oh, well, no, not really.

Actually, I came past you today.

Oh, because you know I work, you know, days on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, I came by because I wanted to apologize again for the other day. No,

that's history.

It's history.

But I'm glad you came by.

Well, thank you.

You know, I have a problem, and I wanted to speak to you about it, because I

think you're about the only person who might be able to help me.

Oh, go ahead.

Okay.

Well, you know Jamie and I sophisticated about sex.

No, true.

And when I first started going out with him, You know, I made it clear to him

that, like, I couldn't be just entirely faithful to him, that I was interested

in, like, maybe those three ways, you know, having, you know, a woman every

in a while.

And, you know, every time I've tried to, like, do something like that with him,

or have a woman over to the house or anything, he always gets really nasty to

them, and they get really upset, and so they just go home.

But there's this one woman in particular that I would really... be interested

in, you know, doing something going with.

And I just really don't know how to approach the subject because I know if

found out about it, it would just be, you know, the biggest, the end of it.

I love this person.

You?

It's me.

Ever since the first time I saw you, I just always thought you were the

ultimate.

Sexier. We're older ladies.

Well, contrary to everybody's belief around here, I've never made it with a

woman before.

Oh. Well.

But... They won't do the first time.

Oh. Is that an invitation?

Well.

I think it's going to be nice that it's you.

You're not shy.

No, no.

I'm trying to think if you do know about me, Michelle. I definitely am not shy.

And I'm always interested in something new.

I'm really happy you're making this so easy for me.

Thanks. Beautiful brush.

You probably

know

more about this than I do.

Well, one thing I really admire is a nice pair of breasts like yours.

Thank you.

Ah, it's beautiful.

This

is

going to be very interesting.

It's delicious too.

I love your outfit.

My God, you have the greatest things to wear.

Thank you. We'll have to go shopping one afternoon.

Oh, I'd love to.

Why don't you show me a little bit about how this all works?

I mean, I can imagine, but, you know, seeing the real thing.

Well, you are so gorgeous.

I just love to drive in and out of here.

Do you like being eaten?

Of course.

It's no different with me, isn't it?

It's nice to like your voice.

Oh, yes.

Oh, God.

I'm sorry.

Come on. Come on.

Oh, that feels great.

I love it.

I love it. I love it.

Oh, yeah.

That's one thing I'm willing to learn if Jamie isn't.

Do you have something to say or are you just holding up the wall?

Better yet, maybe they're here to talk to me for my afternoon nap?

I know about you and Michelle.

You do?

Disgusting old whore.

Do you have to corrupt everyone you come in contact with?

First Dad, now Michelle.

You know what's bothering you?

The fact that Michelle and I are sexual animals.

We fuck and suck whomever we want, and what's worse, we don't put mercy on it.

You, on the other hand, are totally monogamous.

And you're stealing and joking shame.

You're full of shit.

Despite what you may think, I do love you very much.

I never intended to do this, but can't be avoided.

What do you think you're doing?

I mean, I caught you putting your hand up the other day. I hit the nail bed on

the head.

Well, speak at speed, to post with such dexterity to inspect your shoes.

You know, the insects that hamlet seers are supposed to be between his mother

and uncle.

But none of the authorities say that.

No. It's not true.

Think of what you want.

Take them.

Right now, you probably have a thousand thoughts going through your head right

now. They're fucking around.

You make it deny the truth.

You know, in that same place Shakespeare said, this above all, to deny oneself

the truth.

And, you must follow us the night of the day.

But I can't give up to anyone.

And the good son goes forth.

Thank you.

I love you baby

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

Jesus.

Oh,

honey, oh, oh, God. Oh,

oh.

Mom is gonna have fun with you.

I'm sorry.

No, no.

Yeah.

Oh,

no, no. Don't worry, Michelle.

I think I have a few more lessons and I'll be ready.

Yeah.

Yeah, can you manage without me for a few days?

Don't worry Helen, I'll find a way to meddle through.

I didn't tell you, you were distracting me on the phone.

What, me? I'm Michelle.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh my God.

Oh, God. Oh,

God.

Come in.

Jamie.

How you doing, Mom? Fine. You like it?

I don't think so.

Tonight I got some reinforcements with me. Randy.

Randy, do you know Mike?

Uh, we've met.

Okay, Mike, this is Randy.

Hi there.

Hi. Oh, you know Jamie. Yeah, sure, sure.

How you doing, kid?

Good.

You guys make it feel every hell of a year.

Oh, my God. I've always wanted to do that.

All right.

Take the shirts off now, Luke.

You don't mind us. We've already started. I see that. Yeah, just come on

dive in when you're ready.

Yeah.

Ooh.

That's my baby.

That's my boy.

Yeah.

Michael, I have to get you, Michael.

When do you come home?

It's time for bed in the morning. I'll turn down here to bed.

Thank you.

Do you want to be shot?

Oh,

God.

Yeah,

yeah

Thank you.

Oh, shit.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh,

God.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Oh, God.

How do you like that, Mom?

Oh, God. You like that?

I love it. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

Jesus.

You guys aren't fighting anymore.

No, it's make love, not war.

That sounds like a good idea.

I'm enjoying what I do.

Let's take the skirt off.

Oh my goodness, look at her.

I came ready.

I'm always ready.

Thank you.

Beautiful.

What an attractive mother he has.

He sounds so formal.

I can't play with this.

Isn't it time to go to bed now?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Something I have had to do with a month or more.

Yeah, what about it?

Well, I ain't got to see it now. I can't remind myself of it.

Dear Abby, I have this nasty meds in a lot to keep me sifting and sitting on my

face. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm going to do in a couple of minutes.