Original subtitles

Kitty-kitty, Kitty-kitty!

Huh?

Was I snoring?

No idea, maybe not.

Good.

I dreamt we worked in a team.

No way.

We went snake hunting, had to push them into pipes and so police can't stop us.

Matas and Jacob were there, and then you and me,

and for some reason, Mantas Stonkus too.

Stonkus is everywhere now.

Everyone was working, except me because my teeth were falling...

They say that if you dream of falling teeth, you'll die soon.

Oh, common, who says so?

Man, you smell like you're dead already!

It was you who fed me all that garlic yesterday!

You told me you were coming down with flu.

All men end up sick if neglected love.

Simukas!

Towel!

Thanks.

This hook should actually go here.

Do you want to fix it now?

When then?

Maybe shave first...

You're not my mum, don't tell me what to do!

Yeah? How many eggs are you having?

Today guys from sanitary epidemic are coming to work.

Why?

They said they need to check us for worms...

How?

Just like in childhood, they would make us stand against the wall

with pants down, and the scotch tape attached to the butt hole...

Today we're going to Kristina's. Remember?

Where?

House warming. They bought a flat. I told you on Monday.

Maybe you told somebody else?

No, you.

Did I say I was coming?

Hello good morning!

Shhhh! Who can bear so much energy in the morning?

Dainius goes clubbing every Thursday,

pretends to be a foreigner, and brings a new chick home.

Yeah, you told me.

Are you jealous or what?

What?

No, not jealous.

You envy your boss have sex randomly

Yes, you do!

No...

There's nothing wrong with that since you're a healthy man.

What do you mean?

I think it's normal to want new chicks.

Are you serious?

I am.

Especially after you've been living with the same one for 6 years.

Do you also feel like trying new men?

Hello?

Hi

Stop it, Irina, nobody's burgled you!

You've been partying yesterday, I can tell from your voice.

You cried?

Perhaps you did, if you broke your phone again.

Common, get dressed, and come to work!

OK, bye!

Let's talk about those trials...

What's there to talk about? Marriage has both pros and cons.

You're right.

Mrs Boss!

Morning!

- Did Irina call? - Yes, she did.

What now?

Her house got burgled.

Wow. Something new.

What happened?

Did you get to meet Irina?

Is she the one talking to herself? Yeah, that one.

I heard her arguing with herself once.

Every Thursday she goes out partying, and then the next morning calls in sick.

Once she said there was no water, then the leg got broken, what else?

She buried three or four grandmas...

Why does she still work here?

When she works, she works well.

She's well received by the clients.

Perhaps men?

How bizarre...

Speak of the devil!

Alright, alright, mind your own businesses!

Late again, huh?

Sorry, traffic.

Wake up earlier!

Where did I finish?

You said 'on the back'!

Did I show you her photo?

Yes, you did...

Look, who I brought back from 'Salento' yesterday!

What? Wife, sister?

Giedre's workmate, she's got a boyfriend, a Bushido fighter.

I'm not interested!

So yeah, I take her home, put the music on, take off her tiger print thong...

Don't tell me more, OK? I'm meeting her tonight,

I won't be able to look her in the eyes.

Listen, I pull down the thong, and above the papaya

there's a tattoo of a butterfly!

Done by herself?

Are you dumb? How would she do it by herself? Who does it by themselves?

Hello, guys!

Hey, Jacob!

Did you get some rest?

Fuck no... All day with the kids...

Where did you go?

To Trakai.

We took a boat, start rowing.

A swan comes close, kids give it kibin crumbs, it takes them.

Meat too?

Sure, a swan is like a rat, eats everything.

And then Noah suddenly grabs her by the neck, the stupid swan gets panicky,

but the boy does not let go, tries to pull it inside the boat.

Seriously?

The wife is shouting, the little one's crying.

I'm saying - son, you shouldn't do that!

So then I grabbed on his arm, and that stupid bird bites my hand!

Total chaos!

But you know, the small one has a damn strong grip!

He'll be able to strangle his wife when he's married.

It's time you have kids too!

Just not together. Don't try it.

First we have the mortgage to pay off.

If you wait until the mortgage is paid off,

your dick will no longer be functional!

Shouldn't you be working?

Oops, come on guys!

Are you seriously planning to get sick?

My nose's been itchy all day!

Try some nose picking!

Only bastards would pick their boogers in a stranger's car.

Last night Dainius slept with Irina.

What? How do you know?

He showed me the pictures and told everything.

Does she have a tattoo above her thing?

Yes, she does, and she's so proud of it.

So, there you go.

But today she'll be with her Ramunelis..

Have you seen this Ramunelis?

He'll kill both of them once he finds out.

Then you'll get killed, and me, and everyone in the vicinity.

So, let's keep it quiet. Yeah sure.

..and then I find out I've won a hamster. And he lived for 4 years!

Tomorrow we're going where I choose!

To the shooting range!

OK, I'm off to speak with the girls!

Wait!

Hey!

Hi.

Why are you crying?

I'm not crying. My nose is super itchy.

Look, you're married to Gintare, right?

To Giedre.

The small one?

Her name's Giedre.

Are you married to her or not, for fuck's sake?

Fuck, I am.

How did you propose?

I... Why do you need this?

Me and Irina have been going out for a year now,

and so it's time to either marry or split up.

I don't know... we dated for 4 years before we got married.

Are you retarded?!

Yes.

How should I propose to get good pics for Instagram?

You're a bit into art, aren't you?

Am I into art?

I'm a mechanic.

I think you're more into art than me.

What do you mean?

You're a Bushido fighter.

So... Bushido is a martial art.

You're a fighting artist.

What the fuck?!

Forget about it

I want to propose, for fuck's sake!

I don't know, maybe take a trip somewhere together.

OK and what am I supposed to do? Get down on my knees, right?

On one knee.

Right, two knees in church.

What do you say once you're there?

What you feel.

Where should I feel it?

I don't know where you feel it

in your heart perhaps...

You're damn good man, digging deep! Artist indeed!

Bro, where's a bathroom here?

Second floor. Cool.

Cool.

.. I don't know where to put it.

Hamsters are out of fashion.

Rytis, Kriste's brother.

Hello, Ugne.

Enjoying the party?

Yeah, you?

Super much. Super.

Look... Would you like to take this party somewhere else?

Where else?

My place.

How old are you, Rytis?

Twenty five.

And... how long is your 'friend?

What friend?

I've come here by myself.

Your Penislav. Who?

If you're inviting me for a shag, I need to know

if it's worthwhile to leave this party or not.

I don't know, I've never measured it.

You're lying. All of you guys have measured them.

Let's make it clear now rather than in your place.

Bitch...

Wait!

You see that girl?

In a salmon dress?

She's more or less your age, has no boyfriend,

and since you're so straightforward, you should just go for it!

OK.

Thanks!

Hello!

I'm Ugne.

Kriste's neighbour.

Hello!

I'm Simas.

Kriste's colleague and Giedre's husband.

No, wait,

yes, that's right.

How's the party?

I mean, I'm married.

I understand.

Hi!

This is Ugne, Kriste's neighbour.

Giedre. We work together.

We were talking about you.

What exactly?

I told you were my wife, and that's all.

I said I thought you were a nice couple.

Thanks.

Are you here with someone?

No, surely not. I have a cat, if it counts.

No, it doesn't.

So, you have a cat.

Grey and soft.

We've been actually considering getting a cat. Hard to choose one.

Really? Would you like to try it? Let's go to my place.

You can pet it.

Are we still talking about a cat?

Sure.

Let's go?

You live nearby?

Yeah. Behind the wall. I'm the neighbour.

I'm not sure about this...

This is what lofts are built like.

You should take a pencil, sharpen it a bit, and blow the graphite inside.

Where should I blow it?

Inside the hole. Keyhole.

Ah, OK, I'll sharpen and blow it in tomorrow, but for now, would you mind..?

Mhm..

Sure it's your flat?

Or are we helping you to rob someone?

We'll split it three ways.

The key's too short. Have you got a longer one?

You guys so funny!

After you!

Take a seat anywhere you like.

Cepi, Cepi!

What's his name?

Cepis. Cepelinas.

Why Cepelinas?

Because he's fat and grey.

He's probably sleeping upstairs.

What's happening?

No idea.

Don't wake him up if he's asleep.

Yeah, let him sleep.

He sleeps 18 hours a day.

Oh...

The cat has got his life in order.

- What's this? - Treat.

Thank you very much.

So, where do you gorgeous come from?

From Lazdyneliai.

That's a nice way of calling Lazdynai?

No, no, there's a separate district, behind the hospital,

and it's designed to contain streets with flower names.

Our street is called...

'Forget-me-not'.

'Me-not' yes.

How long have you been together?

6 years.

2 years of marriage.

2 years of marriage.

Superb!

You two are a good match.

Would you like to play 'spin the bottle'?

Did you play it when you were young?

When I was in grade 5...

All you need is to spin it.

Yeah, just to spin it.

Let's play it.

OK.

You start.

It wasn't me you span.

Wow!

How modest!

Composer

Costume designer

Production designer

Director of photography

Producers

Writer and director

Director's wife and best friend

Lithuanian Swingers

Do you even have a cat?

Yeah.

He's gotta be somewhere.

Here's the fatty!

So fat and cute.

Castrated.

Ouch... No more nuts for the kitty...

He's less nuts though.

Do you see what happens when you get nuts?

Has he been here all this time?

Perhaps.

I don't really think he realized what was happening here, anyway.

We didn't realize it either.

We should get going.

So, thank you...

We'll call a taxi ourselves.

Was this your first time?

Yep.

Oh, I took your virginity!

Next time you're in the area, let me know!

OK, let's go!

Did you feel how soft her skin was?

Yep.

Do you think she invited us to do it one more time, or what?

I don't know.

What's wrong?

Didn't you like it?

What about you?

Well yes, I loved it, it was wonderful, I won't lie.

Good, at least one of us did.

So, was it like we raped you, or what?

Let's talk about it tomorrow.

OK, tomorrow.

Advice, maybe?

I have none.

I've got some.

Buy her flowers tomorrow morning.

Maybe they won't solve all the problems,

but surely it won't make matters worse.

She's not exactly into flowers.

The one thing I learned during the 3 marriages

is that every single woman is into flowers.

Just try it.

OK, thanks, good night!

Good night.

They only had black and white, so I took the white one.

The black one is more for funerals.

Shall we go to the forest?

So... we need to talk.

Perhaps.

About yesterday.

What do you want to say?

Everything. I don't know.

It's a new thing after all.

Yeah.

Did you like it?

Not as much as you did, I guess.

To be honest, it was fantastic.

- Really. - Glad to hear it.

Shall we do it again some time?

I don't think this was fair. You got to try it with two women

and maybe next time I'd like to try it with two men.

Are you saying

me and some other guy?

Of course, not without you.

Hmm, I don't know... It might not work...

No worries.

So, threesome with two girls only after a threesome with two guys?

I think it's fair this way. Don't you?

But, you ladies are better looking anyway

even you find each other attractive.

I've read somewhere that there's a growing number of bi-sexual women.

And plus, there are more women out there...

What should we do, when all of you go to Norway?

But you told me you once kissed a guy too?

When?

When you were a teenager, with Marius.

No, it doesn't count.

That was a domestic party.

We only did that because two girls promised to do the same after.

So there.

No, I am super heterosexual - I only kiss a guy

to see two girls kissing afterwards.

We've sacrificed our friendship; we haven't met ever since.

But it was worth it.

Oh yeah, crazy stuff happened.

When you want to repeat it, you know the conditions.

Let's go back.

I can't see the car.

..and after all that we lay all tired and peaceful.

That fat cat is just sitting there all fucking scared.

We always kick all the animals out of the room.

Freaky ha? You never know what the animal's thinking.

Do you remember when we had to climb a rope in school?

Yeah?

We then went back to repeat it during breaks. Voluntarily.

So?

I'm saying the times are changing

before we would be satisfied by one rope,

and now one woman isn't enough.

How's it going? How was the weekend?

Go ahead, Simas, tell him.

Maybe not

I came back with quite a chiquita

a dancer for 'Lietuvos Rytas'.

What does a newspaper need a dancer for?

A Basketball team!

So, basically I had her do a split, and a bridge, and all kinds of gymnastics!

Listen to this - Simas did two chicks in one night!

What?

Sorry dude, don't get pissed, he had to.

Seriously?

He and his wife banged another chick!

- How do you call it? - Threesome - in English.

Here's a man who had a threesome over the weekend!

What do you say to that?

Are you serious?

Yeah, threesome.

Hi!

Yes, bring it here.

OK, I'm coming.

He's like this used bandage, which floats in the pool.

So, what's next?

Are you doing it again?

I'd like to, but

I can have it with two chicks only when Giedre does it with two men!

No, no no no. Forget about it!

Me and Matukas can do it for you, if you are uncomfortable.

Forget this idea.

You should find swingers to swap partners.

Yep.

My parents are swingers,

but none of them knows that.

What do you mean by swingers?

When you swap your wives for sex.

They get together, they swap, plow each other, and go separate ways.

Can you find them in Lithuania?

Everywhere you go.

After all that we look at that Cepelinas, which is staring at us.

Wow, do you see what kind of neighbour I have!

I only saw it on the computer that a dude can do it with two chicks.

Why are you so happy about it?

What?

This is disgusting!

Why?

We're talking - a different pussy!

Pussy's not a wolf, it won't bite.

Are you a lesbian then?

Maybe I am a bit.

So appalling!

Maybe you want to join the gay parade, or perhaps adopt a child!

Are you feeling alright?

I'm fine, but she's not.

You'll receive absenteeism.

PMS?

The strangest thing is that during her PMS, she's the sweetest person.

Hello.

Hi, can you talk?

I was telling my guys about yesterday's adventure...

You surely were.

As if you didn't tell them?

And?

And Jacob remembered a thing like swingers.

And so?

What do you mean?

Could we swap partners?

Simas, what's wrong with you? Am I not enough for you?

I thought this could be a new adventure for us!

Adventure?

Jumping from a roof on snow is also an adventure.

OK, I can't talk now, I've got a client.

OK, bye!

She don't really like this idea of swingers...

If you change your mind, you've got my number.

Take her to the restaurant after work, feed her,

and then ask her again.

Shouldn't men be won over by food, women love with their ears, don't they?

While eating, just tell her she's beautiful.

OK, I'll try.

Or, you know what? Do Hubba Bubba to her at home.

What's that?

One finger goes to Hubba, two others - to Bubba.

What's wrong?

What's up?

Nothing, Mrs Virginia, nothing serious.

But I feel something in your hands.

Nonsense with Simas.

What happened?

Will you promise to not judge?

You know, the worst that can happen is that I wouldn't care at all.

Last Friday me and Simas slept with one more woman.

Oh, wow! Good job!

Really?

Sure,

me and my Vytukas participated in such orgies, you wouldn't believe!

This is quite a surprise for me.

Why are you down now?

Simas goes on about swingers...

And you, what, are in doubt?

Surely...

Girl, do as you please,

just know one thing, when you're my age,

you'll be regretting the things you haven't done

rather than the ones you have!

But I have Simas...

So what?

Don't you feel curious?

How many men did you have before Simas?

Three. Simas is number 4.

4 men is nothing!

You're young,

just... watch out for diseases.

When I lived in America...

Let's not go into that, Mrs Virginia...

So, about those swingers...

Perhaps we can try...

Really?

Yeah, if you want it, we can try.

So, you don't want to?

No, not really...

Maybe it would be nice to try...

Don't pretend, OK?

We should turn around.

Where did you take us?

I was going to talk about these swingers,

so I was going to take you to the restaurant first.

But since you already agreed

I don't need to take you anywhere.

I see...

Indeed

I'll turn around, OK?

Let me squeeze in.

I found a couple looking for a couple for this Friday. Dominykas and Monika.

So we are in such a hurry?

Well, soon you'll have a PMS,

then a period after that, so you won't be able to.

Wow.

Wasn't that right?

This is not the point.

So, I'm writing to them, right?

What should I say?

'Dear Sir..'

Maybe just 'Mr.', it's a bit shorter.

'...I'd like to bang your wife. I'll give you mine in exchange'.

What?

Nothing. I'll manage myself.

Can you turn it off?

What if they write back?

Simas, put down the phone, or we ain't going nowhere.

OK.

And put it on silent.

What if my mom calls in an emergency?

I'm gonna kill you, I swear.

Not on vibration, totally off.

MEGA GYM: Buy the membership now and get a 3% discount.

How are you? Both healthy?

Your latest bill for mobile phone services is 12.73 euro...

Are you OK in there?

Blacked out for a while.

- Did they write back? - No.

Don't worry.

There's always good old unfaithfulness.

Who do you take me for?

I'm just kidding.

You know what?

I'll buy a wig.

You'll think I'm someone else from behind.

That might be a good idea!

Maybe contact lenses of a different colour.

Don't push it, OK?

Yeah, you can't see eyes from behind...

How are the masters doing?

We're out of black scotch tape - get it when you can.

I went out last night, and got myself such a hottie!

Tits like that, incredible ass! Rubbing against my leg...

What's that?

That's my phone.

Who are you texting?

Is it about me?

This is a personal matter.

This is company's phone.

He's totally out.

If I didn't have this mortgage, I would be sooo out of here!

We could open something of our own.

OK.

I'll be back soon.

Hi! They texted back!

The swingers!

We'll have to drive outside the city for 50 kilometers.

50 kilometers is like going to your parents.

Sorry, I won't compare.

Let's get ready.

OK, bye!

They texted back.

We're going to swingers.

What are 'swingers'?

Oh, Irina, you'd better not know. It'll make you go nuts.

Yeah, you'll leave, then I'll have to assign you absenteeism.

So, you won't tell me?

Nope.

Hey, don't you need your ferret waxed?

Fuck, yeah.

Let's go!

Really?

Sure. I spend all day looking at pussies so extra one will make no difference.

Hold on!

Why does she tell me to 'hold on'?

Buy yourself some coconut juice.

Not pineapple?

Yeah, pineapple actually.

Why?

So when you cum, it won't smell like chlorine.

It'll have a pineapple smell.

Before you leave, jerk the gherkin!

I better do, right?

Must do.

So that you last longer with the lady. You won't embarrass your family.

I'll write it down before I forget.

Number one - pineapple,

number two - jerk off...

Number three?

Shave your pubes.

Till it shines?

No, trim it.

What for?

When the bush is smaller, the ding-dong looks bigger.

Put it down.

How do you spell 'pubes'?

With an 's' or 'z'?

Do you know?

My pubes, your pubes, his her pubes...

With an 's' obviously. Did you not attend school?!

How do you usually depilate hair?

With a cream at home.

Never tried waxing before?

Oops, that'll hurt.. I forgot to warn you, sorry.

You pulled my beaver off?

Yeah, your skin's quite sensitive...

The beaver will be red,

but no worries, it'll calm down by tomorrow.

We're off there tonight!

You should have told me!

What am I supposed to do?!

Don't know... Perhaps, stay in the dark...

Super...

Why didn't you tell me? How was I supposed to know?!

- Just finish it off! - Seriously?

Am I supposed to go half-peeled?

OK..

Number 10:

Say nothing to Giedre.

No details, nothing.

We're friends, we share everything.

I'm serious.

Better if you lie, for example, you came too soon, or couldn't get it up

I may not get it up??

Only if you think about it.

Fuck, I'll be thinking about it constantly now.

Oh fuck me...

Sorry.

Hey, garage!

There's a car coming in one hour!

It's got to be finished by morning, so keep working overnight!

The fuck was that?

Playing boss, that's it.

What are we going to do?

- OK, I'll do it alone... - Will you?

I will, shoot off.

Thank you so much, I owe you!

Just don't think about not getting it up!

I had already forgotten about it!

Sorry! I mean no harm...

Can you pass me my razor?

What for? You've got no beard

I'll shave something else...

What then?

Seriously?

You can, and I can't?

I'm a woman.

I'm a man,

and I do as I please.

Great argument!

Don't block the pipes!

Hm...

You never made any effort for me.

Did you say anything?

Don't get distracted, or you'll cut it off...

Can you imagine? I'd get as fat as that cat!

We had no sex for a week, and now we're off to do it with strangers!

You go sit in the car, I've got to do something first...

What?

Diarrhoea due to stress?

Yep... Diarrhoea

Take some medication, or else, once you get there...

Great!

What? Can't I get my privacy in toilet! What is it?

What?

Yes, I can see it. Got it, I'm coming!

Here's your mascara.

Thanks.

How are you?

I'm OK.

The cheeks are red though.

Just a bit exhausted...

Would you rather stay at home?

Gosh, what a look! Let's go before you kill someone.

What kind of people do you think they are?

They live in a house, so I'm assuming they're rich.

You know, a hut with a stove is also a house...

Damn, I didn't think this through...

We're close, anyway.

When did you manage to crack your phone screen?

It slipped at work...

Are you sure, this is it?

According to GPS, it is.

What if not?

We'll ask where Monika and Dominykas live, they'll know since it's a village.

Good evening!

Evening.

Can you tell us where Monika and Dominykas live?

Right here.

Could you call them please?

I'm Dominykas.

Who did you expect?

I was expecting someone younger...

We were expecting someone older.

How old are you - around thirty?

More or less.

Big pleasure. Come in.

Head up!

It's a beautiful

premise...

Your first time?

Yes.

We had a threesome a week ago.

What's that?

Threesome.

That's what youngsters call ménage à trois.

Oh...

Everyone more or less starts there.

What do you do?

I'm Simas - auto mechanic.

Giedre - I work for a dermatology clinic,

I'm kind of a manager, but also perform some beauty procedures.

I'm Dominykas, and this is Monika.

But these are not your real names, right?

I must have seen you on TV.

Are you a professor of some subject?

Philosophy.

Are you saying these are your real names?

How could I've known?

Don't worry, it's OK.

So,

how are we going to do it?

Very simply.

We split and go.

We don't like doing it in the same room.

Can you do it that way too?

Yes, you can.

You can have 12 people in one room.

But it's not great - too stuffy and smelly.

That's an orgy.

Haven't you seen one online?

I've never made it that far...

Can I ask a personal question?

Sure.

How do you feel

after having slept with strangers?

Between yourselves.

That's why we were surprised to see you so young.

Normally swingers are older.

When you spent a long time in marriage, quite fed up with each other.

We've been together for 6 years.

Still very short.

When you spend at least 15 years together

then you realize what's really important for you,

and what keeps the two of you together.

And quite often it has nothing to do with sex.

No, that is also important.

We still have sex,

but we've built such great trust to each other over the years,

that no such adventure could harm us.

We are friends after all.

And friends wish only the best to each other.

And you two...

Perhaps it's a little too soon for us.

There you go...

Let's try it. If we don't like it, we won't do it again.

No pressure. No rush.

I wouldn't advice driving back just now.

So, the lady and I are heading towards the bedroom.

Why you?

Last time you were there.

Right now?

When then?

Could Simas and I have a quick word, and then we'll join you.

There it goes again...

Anyway, stay strong!

The bedroom's straight ahead, the study's on the left.

There's the toilet.

Don't worry, you'll get him back as good as new.

What is it?

He could be my father.

She's no longer 18 either.

But I feel no attraction towards him. You see?

Take it.

What is it?

You'll feel safer. You can use it if in need.

Why the hell you brought it here?

Why did I bought it at all?

I don't know, maybe to defend us against thieves,

not elderly swingers.

What if he's some mad professor? You saw how he looked at you?

Thanks, that helps a lot.

Take it!

OK, I will, but only because I don't want you having it.

Shall we go?

Can you promise one thing?

I promise.

You promise without knowing what?

What's that about?

That nothing will change between us after this?

OK.

It's just an adventure.

An adventure it is.

Do you love me?

Yeah, sure.

Can you say it properly?

I love you very much.

I love you too.

Nothing stuck between my teeth?

No.

Please come in.

You prefer taking the initiative, or when the lady is in charge?

This is up to the lady.

Quite a joker, aren't you?

What do you hide behind your jokes?

Are you a psychologist?

In my free time.

I'm not here for a therapy session.

Do you like dancing?

No.

What about a slow dance?

We danced like this at school...

May I talk?

Sure.

In our school in Alytus

we had a discotheque on Fridays.

The last dance was always slow.

If by then you didn't find yourself a girl,

you'd go find your jacket and leave.

You stayed for the last dance, or usually leave?

Depended on the day.

Once a hottie agreed to take the last dance, and only later I found out why.

We used to accompany the girls back home,

and so I was walking with this girl for a long long time...

There was no way back.

A guy always hoped to suceed...

Definitely...

We reach her house and there's her boyfriend waiting.

They'd had an argument, and she wanted to tease him,

and so he chased me for at least a kilometre.

Did you get away?

I did.

And then I threw up by the garages.

I suppose you don't smoke?

No.

I shouldn't either.

Nobody should.

I agree.

Do you have some chewing gum?

Wow, what's that beauty?

Simas made me take it, just in case.

Just in case?

No, I did not want to take it.

May I take a look?

In the future, you should never give your gun to a stranger.

Yeah, that was silly of me.

Beretta Pico - that's a rare model, not easily bought here in Lithuania.

Simas now wants a bigger one - Glock or something.

Glock 19 or 17?

Perhaps you should stay with him instead?

I'll put it away, so it's safe, OK?

And besides mushrooms,

Alytus is extremely proud of its porn actress - Tina Kay.

Have you heard of her?

Never heard of her before.

Google it. She does crazy stuff with unlimited number of men.

Fancy that! That's no some hill fort!

You like pornography?

I'm no pornography sommelier, but all men watch it.

You're right, that was a stupid question.

You know, women also watch it, they just lie about it.

That's right, they also pee in the shower, and watch pornography, and masturbate.

I live with one of them.

Has anyone told you have the eyes like two supernovas?

Is that something to do with astronomy?

Yes. The exploded stars.

Amazing sight.

Thank you.

Good evening!

We're looking for Monika and Dominykas.

I'm Dominykas.

OK.

I thought you'd be a bit younger.

We're here for a swing party.

Swing party?

Who are you exactly?

Edvinas and Vika.

We've been texting each other.

Damn, I forgot...

Yeah.

Come on in, please.

I take the responsibility.

Someone got invited during the week, then I forgot, and invited others.

I'm getting old...

So, who are you two?

I'm Edvinas, I work at the gym called 'Six Pack Gym'.

I've seen you before.

On facebook perhaps.

I make videos on sport, nutrition and healthy lifestyle.

Also, random pranks.

I have 80,000 followers.

I have 93,000 on insta.

What's that?

She says she's got 93,000 followers on Instagram.

Is this good?

This is damn good.

You are those, what they're called...

'Influncers'.

I'm a model actually, but yeah, also an influencer.

What does that mean, exactly?

How old are you?

I'm 50.

You won't get it anyway.

Try me.

When a person has a shitload of followers on insta and Facebook,

and posts stuff for dough, and makes a living out of it.

What would you do if one day the internet went bust?

Yeah, if Wi-Fi is weak, then I use mobile data.

I'll introduce everyone briefly

I'm Dominykas, but perhaps you know me by my real name.

Why?

From TV.

We don't watch TV.

You don't? Even better.

This is Monika, my wife.

This is Simas and Giedre.

Nice to meet you.

How long have you two been married for?

We've been going out for 3 months.

Wow.

What?

Nothing...

A bit strange.

How are we going to swap?

Swap what?

Couples.

Can I not stay with mine?

Sorry, perhaps I was not clear enough what a swingers' party really is

I assume that's about a swing dance.

This is getting interesting.

These swingers don't dance.

They, how should I put it nicely

they fuck.

What now?

We exchange couples for sex.

Wait, just a minute.

I didn't tell you where are we going, as I knew you would said 'no'.

I do say 'no' now!

What do you mean by 'they exchange partners and fuck'?!

They swap partners, bang and go separate ways. What's not clear?

Is that so?

Exactly.

There you go. So, you'd do it with Simas

or Dominykas,

and I'd do it with...

Giedre.

- Giedre or... - Monika.

Monika, nice to meet you.

That's one hit deal.

We'll be in one room watching each other, so there's nothing to worry about.

No, we won't. Each couple takes a separate room.

A separate room?

It's not much fun being in one room.

Separate rooms then.

If you don't want this, then let's just go home.

I didn't say I don't want this.

Now you do?

Yeah, let's stay.

OK.

We've never had this many people before.

We may draw lots, but since it's my fault, so hostess can choose her partner.

I'm staying with this young man.

OK.

Then you go back to the study room,

Vika and I go to the bedroom,

and Giedre with Edvinas go to Titas' room.

Whose room?

Our son's.

He's out now, working in Vilnius with some crypto currencies.

Can I have quick chat with Simas? We'll be with you shortly.

Sure.

How far you went?

Not far.

Mhm, you're lying.

Mhm, I'm not.

We were about to kiss, when these influencers knocked.

You'll have your second chance.

Why are you so unhappy, huh?

You didn't like Dominykas, since he's so old.

Now you got a nice young bodybuilder.

I'd rather done it with Dominykas...

You wanna go home?

No.

Come on in!

Jump in! Enough with games already.

You mean - in this sofa bed?

No, through the window!

Glasses really suit you.

Here comes the first proper compliment.

You've improved. Thanks.

Yo!

I didn't see you coming in.

I knocked.

Wait a minute!

What?

This doesn't work for me like that, could we sit down first?

What's up?

What's up?

Nothing. You?

Look.

- Is this you? - Yeah.

I had 3 kilograms extra.

I got sick, so I lost them.

What was wrong? Are you healthy now?

Look here.

What's that?

Pull ups.

Mmm...

Which biggest animal could you win against?

What do you mean?

If they attacked you. Could you beat a wolf?

No way... Look at his teeth!

What about a badger?

Let me see what it looks like.

Tell me something.

Got nothing to say.

How do like it done?

Do you like doggy style?

Wow.

No?

Vika also like it more face to face.

Did you find a badger?

Yeah.

It's tiny!

I'd kick it to fuck the hell out.

I understand your case.

Do you?

Always look on the bright side, they say.

How do you mean?

The thing is, I've run out of my compliments.

Plus Viagra is about to wear off.

You took Viagra?

Here's the deal:

I'll give you 50 thousand euros if you sleep with me.

50 thousand?

OK.

How about 200?

200 thousand?

No, 200 euros.

I'm not a hooker!

Don't get mad.

We just negotiate, that's all.

I've got an idea.

Come here.

These are all Monica's.

Worn once, maximum three times.

Take a pick.

Except this one, it's too damn expensive.

Are they real?

What else?

Hallucination?

Are they not fakes?

What do you think?

OK, this one then.

Damn, this one's expensive too.

I know.

OK, but on condition that you'll dance striptease for me.

How do you mean?

Don't you know what striptease is?

Sure I know what it is, but there's no pole standing here.

I've got something else standing. Which is about to go down soon, so...

Let's improvize.

Deal?

Deal.

I was five when my drunk father was beating my mother,

my little sister was crying under the table, and I was shouting:

'If you ever beat mom again,

I will put you in prison,

where you won't be able to drink so much!'

And so that's how he quit it.

So... it worked!

Gosh...

Now I understand what you hide behind these jokes of yours.

All of this crap.

How did you manage to stay together for so long?

Didn't you go through crisis?

Sure we did.

To go well as couple, first you have to fix your brain.

Yours first

Getting rid of all shyness, childhood traumas

I think we've got our heads under control...

Really?

That was quite a story about your father!

You talk about this with a smile, but this isn't a normal childhood!

I don't think that you beat your wife, but

say, if you make a mistake, do you admit it?

Do you say sorry?

Perhaps I don't make that many mistakes.

See?

This is what I'm talking about.

Let's change the subject.

Let's change it then.

Listen, didn't you masturbate before coming here?

Twice.

I was guessing you did.

But we're having a nice conversation.

Indeed.

..97, 98, 99,

100!

Superb!

I said I'd do it.

I never said I didn't believe you.

Wait, I'm getting a blackout...

What's up?

I can see here you've got a bit of sagging...

Come to my gym, we'll get it fixed!

Thanks for the compliments!

Come here, let's take a look.

Aha, we'd get these love handles off,

and would tone up these arms

your legs need sit-ups badly

your butt

it exists, but should be lifted up a bit.

Tighten your butt!

Do it!

You see, you can't do it.

And the whole of your posture needs to be stretched out.

Look - voilà!

Chest up.

Don't forget you're a princess!

Head up at all times!

I don't know, I think she'll be lost without Leonas..

No,

Leonas became famous thanks to her.

Juste is a total diva.

I'm not a special fan, but I do listen to her during PMS.

I listen to her on YouTube.

What do you do?

I work at the beauty salon.

Do you do hair removal?

Yeah. Do you need to get it done?

Do you do it with laser?

Mainly with laser. Where do you need it to get done?

Here.

Do you normally shave it?

Yeah, it pisses me off...

Can I ask you a personal question?

Go on.

Are you seriously into women?

How do you mean?

There's nothing wrong with that..

Are you saying I'm a faggot?

Calm down, we're just talking. This is no fight ring.

If you were a dude, I'd fucking punch you in the face!

Don't so mad, I only asked you a simple question. You're so sensitive!

Are you lesbian or what?

Perhaps I am a bit.

You're a faggot, and you pick on others!

Don't get mad, alright? I'm sorry.

Shit...

You look damn good though.

You're only saying this out of pity.

No, I'm not. Just look at yourself!

You think?

Sure.

There you go...

Let's go now!

Can't you see we're porking?

Look.

What?

What should I do? Wake him up for you?

He died!

How do you mean?

Like totally!

He said he took Viagra. Perhaps his heart stopped, or whatever...

Are you serious?

Calm down! Don't leave your DNA behind!

Vika,

we're going to jail now!

What for, you idiot?

You couldn't get it up for him, that's what for!

What?

He died because you're not sexy, do you get it?

Cut the bullshit!

And you got me involved, holy fuck!

Why are you naked?

Have you been banging?

I was dancing for him, when he croaked...

Were you dancing swing for him?

This is not this kinda party, you dumbass!

Listen, this is none of your business!

You get me here and tell me to fuck strangers!

- As if this was the first time... - What?

Anyways, why the hell he took the fucking Viagra?!

I knew you can't get men excited - here's your piece of work!

Wait,

but he'd taken Viagra before we got here.

So that's why...

Let's call the rest in here!

Worst case scenario - we get 20 years of sentence divided by four!

So we get only 5 years each.

Where the fuck you're taking these numbers from?

I'm studying law after all.

Are you actually studying something?

Law at Romeris University.

Why didn't you tell me?

Whatever.

Let's go.

Where? Home already?

You'll see.

Did anything happen?

Let's go.

Look, what you've done!

What am I looking at?

He took Viagra before we came, meaning he took it for you!

This means you're responsible for his death!

Death?

This is not how Viagra works.

He's old, perhaps his heart stopped or something...

Fuck!

See? You're the one going to jail!

Nobody's going to jail. Calm down.

You'd better think what to do since you're so smart!

We've got to call in Simas!

Put on some clothes. Look at yourself!

You know, the problem is,

that every man hopes his wife will never change.

And they suddenly do.

Women, on the other hand, wish their men would change, which the buggers never do.

I don't intend to change.

You'll have to!

OK OK.

How am I supposed to pay you back for this wisdom?

You know well.

My workmate told me if I keep thinking about the erection, I wouldn't get it up.

I've been thinking about it ever since.

Where you said you work? At workshop?

Car repairs.

Means you're good with your hands...

Come in!

I need Simas!

Are you done yet?

Get dressed and come here!

Do as you're told.

What's up?

Dominykas is dead.

Come here!

We'll have to bury him in an open coffin.

Why so?

The lid won't come down. Erection remains after death.

Simas!

What? A little stick next to it will make it look like a cross.

Are you seriously joking now?

Do you realize all of us are crime suspects?

Who was the last person in the room when he died?

I was, but he took Viagra for her!

Nonsense! My grandma had Viagra prescribed for her high blood pressure.

Simas!

What? He's gone, so what am I supposed to do?

You can give him a wake-up kiss if you like!

OK, but what should we do?

We should tell Monica about it.

Are you nuts?

Are you supposed to just announce - hey, your husband's dead!

Maybe you're right - 'hey your husband's dead'.

Come on, Edvi, let's get the hell out of here!

My father will kill you for this shitty mess!

Fuck!

Shush everyone, you're going nowhere!

Police will track you down in no time!

What Police?

Listen, we'll all keep quiet.

The old dude croaked since his penis was unable to stay up.

Let's get the hell out.

I'm not willing to watch her discovering him like this!

What shall we do?

No idea.

We've got to tell her.

Stop! We had a deal!

Let go of me!

What the fuck is going on in here?!

Hi Titas,

we've been considering investing in crypto currencies,

so perhaps you could give us some advice?

Mother!

Will someone explain what's happening here?

Maybe you can explain it to the kid.

No.

He's your kid, you explain.

How should I put it nicely...

Your father and I are...

What?

Swingers.

Are you saying that you had

with all of these..?

Not with all of them.

They're all my age!

This one here's even younger!

We've been lucky today.

I didn't mean that!

Where's dad?

Where's Dominykas?

Who?

He's asleep.

Did you manage to?

Sure we did.

The old fart got lucky.

Mom, yuck!

What are you doing here after all - why didn't you call?

Do I have no right to surprise my parents?

I still have my room, just so you know.

Change the sheets if you intend to stay overnight.

Are you serious?!

Don't raise your voice or you'll wake the father.

Father!!!

What are you planning on telling him?

Complain?

He was the one who invited all.

I need his signature and a stamp.

There it is... I knew there was a reason for your visit.

Father!

I'm very sorry but I suggest you don't go up

it's embarrassing and there's this heavy smell of sex in the air...

Who the hell are you?

I'm Simas,

I'm an auto mechanic, I can give you a discount.

What do you drive?

Shit, none of this would happen had you not dragged me here!

- Calm down! - Let go!

Hey, your girl doesn't like it!

What's your beef?

Yours is a lesbian!

What did you say?

She's a lesbian.

That's it!

Everyone out!! No one's touching my kid!

Show me. Is it bleeding?

No, it's not. Stay here, I'll get you some ice.

Stay overnight, your father will sign everything tomorrow.

Will you change the sheets? I don't want to touch them

I will, I will.

Fuck!

What?

I left my handbag there!

Here, it's right there.

Not this one!

I have this one, means it's another. Think a little!

Which one then?

None of your business.

Turn around.

We're not coming back there.

OK. Will you buy me a Vuitton?

How much is it?

Over two grand.

I guess not.

That's it

you're turning round!

Or my father finds out all about this!

Simas?

What?

I left a gun there.

Say again?

You shouldn't have given it to me.

Where did you leave it?

In the bedroom.

Fuck. Why did you take it out?

What's the difference now?

There's a punishment for losing a gun.

I told you not to give it to me!

Fuck - I said I said! You're always so fucking smart!!

Fuck!

Shit

Peekaboo!

Wakey wakey!

Get up, get up

And?

Did you manage?

What?

To bang the youngster?

No, I didn't.

I passed out.

I remember her dancing striptease, I must have passed out...

Fancy that!

We're having a problem.

Perhaps we should show you to Banevicius.

Perhaps.

What about you?

Did you have some?

Not at all...

We spent all time talking.

They're too young,

still dealing with issues.

Those two should be fine,

I mean Giedre and Simas.

The other two can go to hell.

Since none of us got some, how about we... huh?

Really?

Let's just keep it quiet, Titas is here.

What the hell you doing?

You didn't lock the door?

I didn't manage to, they started fighting downstairs.

This is entirely her idea.

Shut up.

What's this?

What's this?

He was dead.

Not really.

He has narcolepsy. Got too excited. Passed out. What do you want, anyway?

A handbag.

What handbag?

This one.

This is actually mine.

Let me explain.

I promised to give it to Vika for her services, and would buy you a new one.

You serious?

Third time already. You never noticed.

OK, we'll discuss this tomorrow, and you put it back please. No sex, no handbag!

Hey! He was dead!

And for all this moral damage I should get the luxurious one!

I told you couldn't have it!

Vika, let's go, I'm asking you!

Where the hell did this one come from?

Baby, put the pistol down please, I'm begging you.

Why are you here?

For this one.

It's currently in use.

Listen, give the weapon to me before you kill someone.

Tell him who my father is.

Thug, her father's a thug.

- Are you alive? - He had narcolepsy.

- What? - Narcolepsy!

Where's your hooker?

Is that what you call Giedre?

Did she like Edvi's salami?

Nothing happened between them.

What?

I lied to you, sorry.

Girl, do you understand what you're doing?

You either give me the luxurious one, or I'm taking it myself.

What's happening here?

The cunt shot me!

Shit!!!

What happened?

I was calling cops, when the phone got shot!

What's with the hand?

That's what!!!

OK, don't scream.

Shall I call the ambulance?

Of course you fucking should!!!

And then you went back to collect your abandoned gun, right?

Listen, officer, I know you're doing your job,

but the only victim here is my son.

Is he planning on pressing charges?

When the finger grows back?

Surely not.

OK, the punishment will be lighter.

Could we keep some details undisclosed?

You know, I keep my gun in a safe too.

Why would we ruin this young man's life?

Young or not, same law applies to all.

Who did you say your father was?

None of your business.

Her father is Alex Volski.

Idiot, are you fucking blind - the cops are here!

Are you Viktorija Volskyte?

Yes, I am.

So, the son found the key, and took the gun from the safe, am I right?

Exactly.

OK, goodbye!

You need to break up.

I'm sorry I shouted at you.

I'm sorry I left the gun behind.

Perhaps we should quit?

Perhaps.

I'm done with it.

You may continue if you wish.

I think I'm done too!

How about we go now, huh?!

I said Americano, not Latte!

Listen, Vika,

I don't think this is working out...

You might think before you say something like that, ok?

I have thought enough.

You're what - dumping me?

Kinda.

Shall I call my father?

Call him if you like.

This is the car key, there's the MOT, the tank's full.

Thank him for this present on my behalf. And say I'm sorry.

See you.

That fingerless running around...

It took them a while to catch him and put him in the ambulance.

The cops wondering what to do; they collected their papers and left too.

We're standing there...

It's somehow sad...

So we got home and went to sleep.

Fuck me...

Hello!

Everyone's here!

I got a couple chicks on Saturday too - threesome it was!

What are you sighing about?

This is something for you

from Monday you start working in Kaunas branch.

In Kaunas?

If you don't like it, sign on the other side and goodbye.

'REQUEST TO TERMINATE THE CONTRACT'.

Are you kidding me?

Do I look like I am?

Bring the same one to me too then.

Playing heroes, yeah?

Don't be silly.

Don't worry, we'll be fine, we'll open our own.

Really? Over my dead body. I'll make sure you won't do it in Vilnius.

Listen, how long is your shlong, huh?

What?

How big is your strudel, huh?

Did you measure it? Take it out, show it!

What's your problem? Are you a faggot?

How long is your strudel - answer the question!

Never measured it.

Everyone has. Since you're not telling - yours is short, got it?!

Listen, get your toys together, and get the fuck out!

I need you out in one hour!

With pleasure.

He's grown his balls over the weekend!

Because he didn't get to shag anyone.

Simas, be so kind,

and make love at least to your own wife.

There it is.

A couple centimeters to the side and she would shot me in the gut.

If the scar remains, we can always remove it with laser.

Milana, which laser do we use to remove scars?

Fraxel.

See? She knows.

I'm quitting job next week.

This time for real?

I don't want to work with whores.

Of course you don't.

By the way congrats on your engagement. You've got nice pics on Instagram.

Thank you.

- What's this? - Flowers.

Real ones.

Thanks, that's nice.

- Shall we go to the forest? - Right now?

Now.

- OK. - Let's go home to get changed.

Are we there yet?

Not far away.

When did you get time for this?

I'm jobless since lunch.

What?

Matas and I are going to open our own garage.

And we'll be fine.

You know, what I realized this weekend?

What?

That I'm the happiest man on earth.

You know why?

Why?

Cause I've got the best wife,

friend and lover

and a partner in crime if needed.

You're my favourite person in this world.

You're mine too.