Original subtitles

Thanks for watching and thank you for

Thanks for watching and thank you for

Thanks for watching and thank you for joining us uh for this special show

joining us uh for this special show

joining us uh for this special show following the State of the Union

following the State of the Union

following the State of the Union address. We are in Hollywood. We are

address. We are in Hollywood. We are

address. We are in Hollywood. We are 2600 miles away from Washington DC where

2600 miles away from Washington DC where

2600 miles away from Washington DC where we are still all digesting the Burger

we are still all digesting the Burger

we are still all digesting the Burger King speech tonight. And what a speech

King speech tonight. And what a speech

King speech tonight. And what a speech it wasn't, huh? I can't believe America

it wasn't, huh? I can't believe America

it wasn't, huh? I can't believe America missed an allnew Will Trent for this

missed an allnew Will Trent for this

missed an allnew Will Trent for this one. It was um it was angry, right? It

one. It was um it was angry, right? It

one. It was um it was angry, right? It was an angry speech. The theme of

was an angry speech. The theme of

was an angry speech. The theme of tonight's speech was all foreigners are

tonight's speech was all foreigners are

tonight's speech was all foreigners are murderers. And Trump just uh he said

murderers. And Trump just uh he said

murderers. And Trump just uh he said zero illegal aliens have been allowed to

zero illegal aliens have been allowed to

zero illegal aliens have been allowed to the United States on his watch, but the

the United States on his watch, but the

the United States on his watch, but the door is always open to those who come in

door is always open to those who come in

door is always open to those who come in legally to be his next wife. So that's

legally to be his next wife. So that's

legally to be his next wife. So that's something. He bragged about ending DEI.

something. He bragged about ending DEI.

something. He bragged about ending DEI. He bragged about kicking 2 million

He bragged about kicking 2 million

He bragged about kicking 2 million people off food stamps. It was like a

people off food stamps. It was like a

people off food stamps. It was like a Christmas message from the Grinch. He uh

Christmas message from the Grinch. He uh

Christmas message from the Grinch. He uh Trump applauded the efforts of a World

Trump applauded the efforts of a World

Trump applauded the efforts of a World War II vet who liberated an interament

War II vet who liberated an interament

War II vet who liberated an interament camp. At the same time, he is building

camp. At the same time, he is building

camp. At the same time, he is building new ones here in the United States. He

new ones here in the United States. He

new ones here in the United States. He claimed gas is down to a$185 a gallon.

claimed gas is down to a$185 a gallon.

claimed gas is down to a$185 a gallon. When you ramble mostly incoherently for

When you ramble mostly incoherently for

When you ramble mostly incoherently for two hours, is that technically still a

two hours, is that technically still a

two hours, is that technically still a speech or does it at at some point

speech or does it at at some point

speech or does it at at some point become a conion?

become a conion?

become a conion? This it is amazing. We put him on all

This it is amazing. We put him on all

This it is amazing. We put him on all the channels to say this stuff. Trump

the channels to say this stuff. Trump

the channels to say this stuff. Trump told us in advance that the speech was

told us in advance that the speech was

told us in advance that the speech was going to be long and for once he was

going to be long and for once he was

going to be long and for once he was telling the truth. We were waiting for

telling the truth. We were waiting for

telling the truth. We were waiting for the speech to finish before we started

the speech to finish before we started

the speech to finish before we started shooting the show. He went on so long we

shooting the show. He went on so long we

shooting the show. He went on so long we had to start before he said he's

had to start before he said he's

had to start before he said he's probably still going, right?

probably still going, right?

probably still going, right? Which is a problem because Mike

Which is a problem because Mike

Which is a problem because Mike Johnson's bedtime is 9:00 sharp.

Johnson's bedtime is 9:00 sharp.

Johnson's bedtime is 9:00 sharp. The speech went on so long Christine's

The speech went on so long Christine's

The speech went on so long Christine's dog shot itself.

They really they do need to hire an

They really they do need to hire an

They really they do need to hire an orchestra to play him off like the

orchestra to play him off like the

orchestra to play him off like the Oscars. at the stroke of 90 minutes goes

Oscars. at the stroke of 90 minutes goes

Oscars. at the stroke of 90 minutes goes straight into YMCA and ending. Something

straight into YMCA and ending. Something

straight into YMCA and ending. Something was off with his hair tonight, too. Did

was off with his hair tonight, too. Did

was off with his hair tonight, too. Did you notice his hair? It looked like a

you notice his hair? It looked like a

you notice his hair? It looked like a cloud on top of a sweet potato or

cloud on top of a sweet potato or

cloud on top of a sweet potato or something. His flop sweat and his makeup

something. His flop sweat and his makeup

something. His flop sweat and his makeup combined to form a frothy homemade

combined to form a frothy homemade

combined to form a frothy homemade orange Julius on his face. You know,

orange Julius on his face. You know,

orange Julius on his face. You know, this event, it's supposed to be a joint

this event, it's supposed to be a joint

this event, it's supposed to be a joint session of Congress, but a bunch of

session of Congress, but a bunch of

session of Congress, but a bunch of Democrats decided to sit it out in

Democrats decided to sit it out in

Democrats decided to sit it out in protest. that had little impact on the

protest. that had little impact on the

protest. that had little impact on the pageantry for a speech that has been an

pageantry for a speech that has been an

pageantry for a speech that has been an annual tradition since George Washington

annual tradition since George Washington

annual tradition since George Washington delivered the first one back in 1790.

Mr. Speaker, I PRESENT THE INAUGURAL

Mr. Speaker, I PRESENT THE INAUGURAL

Mr. Speaker, I PRESENT THE INAUGURAL RECIPIENT OF THE 2026 FIFA PEACE PRIZE,

RECIPIENT OF THE 2026 FIFA PEACE PRIZE,

RECIPIENT OF THE 2026 FIFA PEACE PRIZE, THE RIGHTFUL WINNER OF THE 2025 NOBEL

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER OF THE 2025 NOBEL

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER OF THE 2025 NOBEL PEACE PRIZE, THE UNDISPUTED CHAMPION OF

PEACE PRIZE, THE UNDISPUTED CHAMPION OF

PEACE PRIZE, THE UNDISPUTED CHAMPION OF BEAUTIFUL CLEAN COAL, THE CHAIRMAN OF

BEAUTIFUL CLEAN COAL, THE CHAIRMAN OF

BEAUTIFUL CLEAN COAL, THE CHAIRMAN OF THE TRUMP KENNEDY CENTER, CHAIRMAN OF

THE TRUMP KENNEDY CENTER, CHAIRMAN OF

THE TRUMP KENNEDY CENTER, CHAIRMAN OF THE TRUMP BOARD OF PEACE, SEMIFINALIST

THE TRUMP BOARD OF PEACE, SEMIFINALIST

THE TRUMP BOARD OF PEACE, SEMIFINALIST FOR THE CARL'S JR. PRESIDENTIAL FITNESS

FOR THE CARL'S JR. PRESIDENTIAL FITNESS

FOR THE CARL'S JR. PRESIDENTIAL FITNESS AWARD, CAPTAIN KANGAROO. HE DOESN'T WEAR

AWARD, CAPTAIN KANGAROO. HE DOESN'T WEAR

AWARD, CAPTAIN KANGAROO. HE DOESN'T WEAR DIAPERS AND HE HAD NO IDEA HIS BEST

DIAPERS AND HE HAD NO IDEA HIS BEST

DIAPERS AND HE HAD NO IDEA HIS BEST FRIEND WAS A PEDOPHILE. PRESIDENT DONALD

FRIEND WAS A PEDOPHILE. PRESIDENT DONALD

FRIEND WAS A PEDOPHILE. PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP.

There he is.

There he is.

There he is. Oh well, not everyone loves it. All the

Oh well, not everyone loves it. All the

Oh well, not everyone loves it. All the Trump cult members were there, including

Trump cult members were there, including

Trump cult members were there, including Congressman Troy Nells, who showed up

Congressman Troy Nells, who showed up

Congressman Troy Nells, who showed up wearing a some very festive netwear.

wearing a some very festive netwear.

wearing a some very festive netwear. >> You can see the very warm welcome that

>> You can see the very warm welcome that

>> You can see the very warm welcome that he's getting from his Republican

he's getting from his Republican

he's getting from his Republican colleagues there in the chamber.

colleagues there in the chamber.

colleagues there in the chamber. >> Now, look at this. Yeah, he's wearing a

>> Now, look at this. Yeah, he's wearing a

>> Now, look at this. Yeah, he's wearing a special thanks to the serial killer on

special thanks to the serial killer on

special thanks to the serial killer on Etsy who made that for him. In a break

Etsy who made that for him. In a break

Etsy who made that for him. In a break from tradition, the president and first

from tradition, the president and first

from tradition, the president and first lady invited separate guests. Usually

lady invited separate guests. Usually

lady invited separate guests. Usually the first lady invites guests to support

the first lady invites guests to support

the first lady invites guests to support the president's agenda. She chose to

the president's agenda. She chose to

the president's agenda. She chose to bring her own guests. So the state of

bring her own guests. So the state of

bring her own guests. So the state of their union is twin beds tonight. But

their union is twin beds tonight. But

their union is twin beds tonight. But you know this was a big deal cuz all the

you know this was a big deal cuz all the

you know this was a big deal cuz all the president's children were there. Don

president's children were there. Don

president's children were there. Don Jr., Eric, Ivanka, Baron, even Tiffany

Jr., Eric, Ivanka, Baron, even Tiffany

Jr., Eric, Ivanka, Baron, even Tiffany showed up. Usually they only get

showed up. Usually they only get

showed up. Usually they only get together like this for his deposition.

together like this for his deposition.

together like this for his deposition. So, but he needed the support. Trump's

So, but he needed the support. Trump's

So, but he needed the support. Trump's popularity is at its lowest point of his

popularity is at its lowest point of his

popularity is at its lowest point of his second term. Chlamydia is now more

second term. Chlamydia is now more

second term. Chlamydia is now more popular than Donald Trump. So, he needed

popular than Donald Trump. So, he needed

popular than Donald Trump. So, he needed them. They came

them. They came

them. They came seated behind the president were the

seated behind the president were the

seated behind the president were the vice president and the speaker of the

vice president and the speaker of the

vice president and the speaker of the house. That is not behind the

house. That is not behind the

house. That is not behind the president's not a fun spot to be in

president's not a fun spot to be in

president's not a fun spot to be in because everyone's watching you the

because everyone's watching you the

because everyone's watching you the whole time. You're right there in the

whole time. You're right there in the

whole time. You're right there in the shot. So, every little move you make,

shot. So, every little move you make,

shot. So, every little move you make, it's scrutinized. Poor JD Vance. All I

it's scrutinized. Poor JD Vance. All I

it's scrutinized. Poor JD Vance. All I guess all that standing and sitting on

guess all that standing and sitting on

guess all that standing and sitting on the chair got him kind of worked up. Now

the chair got him kind of worked up. Now

the chair got him kind of worked up. Now we are the hottest country anywhere in

we are the hottest country anywhere in

we are the hottest country anywhere in the world. The hottest.

Down boy down. No. No. Trump uh

Down boy down. No. No. Trump uh

Down boy down. No. No. Trump uh reportedly spent a lot of time

reportedly spent a lot of time

reportedly spent a lot of time rehearsing this speech if you can

rehearsing this speech if you can

rehearsing this speech if you can believe it. Much more than in previous

believe it. Much more than in previous

believe it. Much more than in previous years. He even had a lectturn brought

years. He even had a lectturn brought

years. He even had a lectturn brought into his private residence so he could

into his private residence so he could

into his private residence so he could practice and he it paid off. Hannibal

practice and he it paid off. Hannibal

practice and he it paid off. Hannibal Lectturn really he knocked this out of

Lectturn really he knocked this out of

Lectturn really he knocked this out of the park.

Look, nobody stands up. These people are

Look, nobody stands up. These people are

Look, nobody stands up. These people are crazy. I'm telling you, they're crazy.

>> Amazing.

>> Amazing.

>> Amazing. Boy, oh boy. We're lucky we have a

Boy, oh boy. We're lucky we have a

Boy, oh boy. We're lucky we have a country with people like this. Democrats

country with people like this. Democrats

country with people like this. Democrats are destroying our country, but we've

are destroying our country, but we've

are destroying our country, but we've stopped it just in the nick of time,

stopped it just in the nick of time,

stopped it just in the nick of time, didn't we?

didn't we?

didn't we? >> Glad you I have to say Trump's dementia

>> Glad you I have to say Trump's dementia

>> Glad you I have to say Trump's dementia really makes me miss Joe Biden's

really makes me miss Joe Biden's

really makes me miss Joe Biden's dementia. It was a much friendlier

dementia. It was a much friendlier

dementia. It was a much friendlier dementia. Here's the real State of the

dementia. Here's the real State of the

dementia. Here's the real State of the Union. Okay, we have a nut job wannabe

Union. Okay, we have a nut job wannabe

Union. Okay, we have a nut job wannabe king who's doing everything he can to

king who's doing everything he can to

king who's doing everything he can to censor opinions he doesn't want to hear.

censor opinions he doesn't want to hear.

censor opinions he doesn't want to hear. He has his goons arresting,

He has his goons arresting,

He has his goons arresting, incarcerating, and killing American

incarcerating, and killing American

incarcerating, and killing American citizens. He's got funding for cancer

citizens. He's got funding for cancer

citizens. He's got funding for cancer research and children's hospitals while

research and children's hospitals while

research and children's hospitals while he ras in literally billions of dollars

he ras in literally billions of dollars

he ras in literally billions of dollars for himself and his family. He's coming

for himself and his family. He's coming

for himself and his family. He's coming after our right to vote. He's protecting

after our right to vote. He's protecting

after our right to vote. He's protecting pedophiles and won't explain it. He's

pedophiles and won't explain it. He's

pedophiles and won't explain it. He's lining the pockets of billionaires all

lining the pockets of billionaires all

lining the pockets of billionaires all while neglecting the the sick, the poor,

while neglecting the the sick, the poor,

while neglecting the the sick, the poor, the the hungry in the name of Jesus, by

the the hungry in the name of Jesus, by

the the hungry in the name of Jesus, by the way, who you could read all about in

the way, who you could read all about in

the way, who you could read all about in a Donald Trump edition of the God Bless

a Donald Trump edition of the God Bless

a Donald Trump edition of the God Bless the USA Bible that is made in China and

the USA Bible that is made in China and

the USA Bible that is made in China and available for $99.99.

available for $99.99.

available for $99.99. That is the State of the Union. Okay.

That is the State of the Union. Okay.

That is the State of the Union. Okay. Now, there were some

Now, there were some

Now, there were some positive moments tonight. The Golden

positive moments tonight. The Golden

positive moments tonight. The Golden Boys from Team USA hockey were in the

Boys from Team USA hockey were in the

Boys from Team USA hockey were in the house. They stopped by the White House

house. They stopped by the White House

house. They stopped by the White House this afternoon to um give insane Gretzky

this afternoon to um give insane Gretzky

this afternoon to um give insane Gretzky yet another medal he did not win. I'm

yet another medal he did not win. I'm

yet another medal he did not win. I'm sure he kept that one, too. The US

sure he kept that one, too. The US

sure he kept that one, too. The US women's hockey team declined Trump's

women's hockey team declined Trump's

women's hockey team declined Trump's disingenuous invitation to the State of

disingenuous invitation to the State of

disingenuous invitation to the State of the Union tonight. And because they did,

the Union tonight. And because they did,

the Union tonight. And because they did, they got an even better offer from none

they got an even better offer from none

they got an even better offer from none other than Flavor Flave, who wrote, "If

other than Flavor Flave, who wrote, "If

other than Flavor Flave, who wrote, "If the USA women's hockey team wants a real

the USA women's hockey team wants a real

the USA women's hockey team wants a real celebration and invite I'll host them in

celebration and invite I'll host them in

celebration and invite I'll host them in Las Vegas, do some nice dinners and

Las Vegas, do some nice dinners and

Las Vegas, do some nice dinners and shows and good times." See that? Maybe

shows and good times." See that? Maybe

shows and good times." See that? Maybe that should be the new tradition. If you

that should be the new tradition. If you

that should be the new tradition. If you win gold, like you know how you win the

win gold, like you know how you win the

win gold, like you know how you win the Super Bowl, you go to Disneyland, you

Super Bowl, you go to Disneyland, you

Super Bowl, you go to Disneyland, you win gold, you get a weekend in Vegas

win gold, you get a weekend in Vegas

win gold, you get a weekend in Vegas with Flavor Flave. And by the way, maybe

with Flavor Flave. And by the way, maybe

with Flavor Flave. And by the way, maybe he'll even give you a neck clock. Okay.

he'll even give you a neck clock. Okay.

he'll even give you a neck clock. Okay. In his speech tonight, Trump claimed the

In his speech tonight, Trump claimed the

In his speech tonight, Trump claimed the women's team would be coming to the

women's team would be coming to the

women's team would be coming to the White House soon, whether they like it

White House soon, whether they like it

White House soon, whether they like it or not. Meanwhile, there's still a lot

or not. Meanwhile, there's still a lot

or not. Meanwhile, there's still a lot of grumbling about Cash Patel, the

of grumbling about Cash Patel, the

of grumbling about Cash Patel, the director of the FBI, who treated himself

director of the FBI, who treated himself

director of the FBI, who treated himself to a trip to Italy at taxpayer expense,

to a trip to Italy at taxpayer expense,

to a trip to Italy at taxpayer expense, after hammering the previous director of

after hammering the previous director of

after hammering the previous director of the FBI for doing much less. Many

the FBI for doing much less. Many

the FBI for doing much less. Many Americans are not comfortable with the

Americans are not comfortable with the

Americans are not comfortable with the idea of the director of the FBI using a

idea of the director of the FBI using a

idea of the director of the FBI using a government jet to fly across the world

government jet to fly across the world

government jet to fly across the world for a locker room blowout. But Senator

for a locker room blowout. But Senator

for a locker room blowout. But Senator Ted Cruz is not among those people.

Ted Cruz is not among those people.

Ted Cruz is not among those people. Sweaty Teddy, who's had his own travel

Sweaty Teddy, who's had his own travel

Sweaty Teddy, who's had his own travel related controversy, says all that

related controversy, says all that

related controversy, says all that matters is what a great job cash is

matters is what a great job cash is

matters is what a great job cash is doing.

doing.

doing. >> I mentioned just a minute ago murder

>> I mentioned just a minute ago murder

>> I mentioned just a minute ago murder rates across the country have dropped

rates across the country have dropped

rates across the country have dropped 20%. Violent crime is down. Terrorists

20%. Violent crime is down. Terrorists

20%. Violent crime is down. Terrorists are being arrested. Gang members are

are being arrested. Gang members are

are being arrested. Gang members are being arrested. Rapists are being

being arrested. Rapists are being

being arrested. Rapists are being arrested. Child molesters are being

arrested. Child molesters are being

arrested. Child molesters are being molested. That's a real record of

molested. That's a real record of

molested. That's a real record of success.

success.

success. >> That's how they're punishing them.

>> That's how they're punishing them.

>> That's how they're punishing them. Molesters are being molested. Felons are

Molesters are being molested. Felons are

Molesters are being molested. Felons are being filated. It's all going according

being filated. It's all going according

being filated. It's all going according to plan. You know, one of the fun things

to plan. You know, one of the fun things

to plan. You know, one of the fun things about having no laws to speak of anymore

about having no laws to speak of anymore

about having no laws to speak of anymore is you could bet now on what Trump might

is you could bet now on what Trump might

is you could bet now on what Trump might say. U here's a cross-section of words

say. U here's a cross-section of words

say. U here's a cross-section of words and phrases people bet on tonight. Woke,

and phrases people bet on tonight. Woke,

and phrases people bet on tonight. Woke, whether he'd say the word woke, I don't

whether he'd say the word woke, I don't

whether he'd say the word woke, I don't think he did. Mental institution. He did

think he did. Mental institution. He did

think he did. Mental institution. He did say mental institution. Discombobulator.

say mental institution. Discombobulator.

say mental institution. Discombobulator. And ethereum. Now, can you imagine being

And ethereum. Now, can you imagine being

And ethereum. Now, can you imagine being his speech writer and adding the word

his speech writer and adding the word

his speech writer and adding the word discombobulator? Is you might as well

discombobulator? Is you might as well

discombobulator? Is you might as well jump on stage and pull his pants down in

jump on stage and pull his pants down in

jump on stage and pull his pants down in front of everybody. There's a better

front of everybody. There's a better

front of everybody. There's a better chance you would hear him say, "I love

chance you would hear him say, "I love

chance you would hear him say, "I love you, Eric," in his speech than

you, Eric," in his speech than

you, Eric," in his speech than discombobulator.

discombobulator.

discombobulator. Some people bet a lot of money on this.

Some people bet a lot of money on this.

Some people bet a lot of money on this. I actually made I bet I bet if um Trump

I actually made I bet I bet if um Trump

I actually made I bet I bet if um Trump closed his speech by reading the Emily

closed his speech by reading the Emily

closed his speech by reading the Emily Dickinson poem, Hope is the Thing with

Dickinson poem, Hope is the Thing with

Dickinson poem, Hope is the Thing with Feathers, I would have won $25 million.

Feathers, I would have won $25 million.

Feathers, I would have won $25 million. >> I lost Gable. Sorry. I was going to give

>> I lost Gable. Sorry. I was going to give

>> I lost Gable. Sorry. I was going to give you half. Oh my god. Maybe next time.

you half. Oh my god. Maybe next time.

you half. Oh my god. Maybe next time. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. >> You know, um, after every State of the

>> You know, um, after every State of the

>> You know, um, after every State of the Union, the opposing party delivers a

Union, the opposing party delivers a

Union, the opposing party delivers a rebuttal to the speech. And this year, I

rebuttal to the speech. And this year, I

rebuttal to the speech. And this year, I I'm honored to tell you that the

I'm honored to tell you that the

I'm honored to tell you that the Democrats have chosen to do that on our

Democrats have chosen to do that on our

Democrats have chosen to do that on our show. And here now with the official

show. And here now with the official

show. And here now with the official response to the president's speech

response to the president's speech

response to the president's speech tonight. Please welcome California

tonight. Please welcome California

tonight. Please welcome California Governor Gavin Newsome. Everybody, thank

Governor Gavin Newsome. Everybody, thank

Governor Gavin Newsome. Everybody, thank you.

you.

you. >> Thank you for joining us, Governor.

>> Thank you for joining us, Governor.

>> Thank you for joining us, Governor. >> Hey, Jim Bone. Well, where are you now?

>> Hey, Jim Bone. Well, where are you now?

>> Hey, Jim Bone. Well, where are you now? I'm hosting a hate watch party at the

I'm hosting a hate watch party at the

I'm hosting a hate watch party at the most exclusive new hot spot, Stolen

most exclusive new hot spot, Stolen

most exclusive new hot spot, Stolen Land.

Land.

Land. >> Stolen land is the name of Why is it

>> Stolen land is the name of Why is it

>> Stolen land is the name of Why is it called Stolen Land?

called Stolen Land?

called Stolen Land? >> Cuz we stole it from the Pachangga

>> Cuz we stole it from the Pachangga

>> Cuz we stole it from the Pachangga Morango. And by we, I mean whites.

Morango. And by we, I mean whites.

Morango. And by we, I mean whites. >> Oh yes, of course. Well, we were hoping

>> Oh yes, of course. Well, we were hoping

>> Oh yes, of course. Well, we were hoping to get your response to the State of the

to get your response to the State of the

to get your response to the State of the Union speech tonight. Did you watch?

Union speech tonight. Did you watch?

Union speech tonight. Did you watch? >> I'm still watching it.

>> I'm still watching it.

>> I'm still watching it. >> It's still going?

>> It's still going?

>> It's still going? >> Yeah. And this little JD weirdo's got

>> Yeah. And this little JD weirdo's got

>> Yeah. And this little JD weirdo's got some mad stamina. I mean, check this

some mad stamina. I mean, check this

some mad stamina. I mean, check this DUDE OUT. HE'S STILL GOING WITH that

DUDE OUT. HE'S STILL GOING WITH that

DUDE OUT. HE'S STILL GOING WITH that >> respect. What have you What have you

>> respect. What have you What have you

>> respect. What have you What have you thought of the speech so far?

thought of the speech so far?

thought of the speech so far? >> Oh, spectacle.

>> Oh, spectacle.

>> Oh, spectacle. >> Oh, really? Well, for the country, it

>> Oh, really? Well, for the country, it

>> Oh, really? Well, for the country, it was no bueno. But I won 65 Hundo on Poly

was no bueno. But I won 65 Hundo on Poly

was no bueno. But I won 65 Hundo on Poly Market, betting that Trump would crap

Market, betting that Trump would crap

Market, betting that Trump would crap his diaper.

his diaper.

his diaper. >> Oh, he did. Did he crap?

>> Oh, he did. Did he crap?

>> Oh, he did. Did he crap? >> He did. He did. They had to bring him

>> He did. He did. They had to bring him

>> He did. He did. They had to bring him back to one of those koala baby changing

back to one of those koala baby changing

back to one of those koala baby changing tables.

tables.

tables. >> Oh my god. All right. But what about the

>> Oh my god. All right. But what about the

>> Oh my god. All right. But what about the speech itself? What did you think? Oh,

speech itself? What did you think? Oh,

speech itself? What did you think? Oh, >> the speech itself was whack. It was

>> the speech itself was whack. It was

>> the speech itself was whack. It was divisive. Most deaf. Not my vibe. I

divisive. Most deaf. Not my vibe. I

divisive. Most deaf. Not my vibe. I bring people together. Do you have any

bring people together. Do you have any

bring people together. Do you have any idea how many three-ways I've had?

idea how many three-ways I've had?

idea how many three-ways I've had? >> I do not know.

>> I do not know.

>> I do not know. >> 34.

>> 34.

>> 34. >> What?

>> What?

>> What? >> The secret is that no one sits in the

>> The secret is that no one sits in the

>> The secret is that no one sits in the cuck chair for too long. It's a free

cuck chair for too long. It's a free

cuck chair for too long. It's a free flowing rotation.

flowing rotation.

flowing rotation. >> Okay. Well, that's a great tip,

>> Okay. Well, that's a great tip,

>> Okay. Well, that's a great tip, Governor. But

Governor. But

Governor. But >> yeah. Oh, that's what she said.

>> yeah. Oh, that's what she said.

>> yeah. Oh, that's what she said. >> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. >> But if we could get back to the speech,

>> But if we could get back to the speech,

>> But if we could get back to the speech, the State of the Union speech.

the State of the Union speech.

the State of the Union speech. >> Oh, right. Right. Right. Look,

>> Oh, right. Right. Right. Look,

>> Oh, right. Right. Right. Look, >> real Americans don't want to be lied to

>> real Americans don't want to be lied to

>> real Americans don't want to be lied to about the economy and immigration. They

about the economy and immigration. They

about the economy and immigration. They want to be lied to about cool like

want to be lied to about cool like

want to be lied to about cool like highspeed rail and the idea that they

highspeed rail and the idea that they

highspeed rail and the idea that they could ever own a home. Keep dreaming,

could ever own a home. Keep dreaming,

could ever own a home. Keep dreaming, rents.

rents.

rents. >> Now, now I do want to ask you about

>> Now, now I do want to ask you about

>> Now, now I do want to ask you about something the president mentioned. What

something the president mentioned. What

something the president mentioned. What about affordability?

about affordability?

about affordability? >> Uh, affordability slaps. I mean,

>> Uh, affordability slaps. I mean,

>> Uh, affordability slaps. I mean, Americans just want to be able to put

Americans just want to be able to put

Americans just want to be able to put sush on the table.

sush on the table.

sush on the table. >> What is sush?

>> What is sush?

>> What is sush? >> Sush. she or they, however you identify.

>> Sush. she or they, however you identify.

>> Sush. she or they, however you identify. But you're a they, right?

But you're a they, right?

But you're a they, right? >> Uh, no. I'm just a me. But let's focus

>> Uh, no. I'm just a me. But let's focus

>> Uh, no. I'm just a me. But let's focus on the speech. Governor, what about him

on the speech. Governor, what about him

on the speech. Governor, what about him giving the goalie from the Winnipeg Jets

giving the goalie from the Winnipeg Jets

giving the goalie from the Winnipeg Jets the Presidential Medal of Freedom while

the Presidential Medal of Freedom while

the Presidential Medal of Freedom while all those veterans were sitting around?

all those veterans were sitting around?

all those veterans were sitting around? >> It's just a distraction from the Epstein

>> It's just a distraction from the Epstein

>> It's just a distraction from the Epstein files, which I am proud to say I am not

files, which I am proud to say I am not

files, which I am proud to say I am not in. No redactundo.

in. No redactundo.

in. No redactundo. >> That's right. You You never visited

>> That's right. You You never visited

>> That's right. You You never visited Epstein Island.

Epstein Island.

Epstein Island. >> I know. Yeah.

>> I know. Yeah.

>> I know. Yeah. >> I'm as surprised as you are. Did I

>> I'm as surprised as you are. Did I

>> I'm as surprised as you are. Did I mention I've had 34 three-ways?

mention I've had 34 three-ways?

mention I've had 34 three-ways? >> You did that. You mentioned that

>> You did that. You mentioned that

>> You did that. You mentioned that earlier. Yeah.

earlier. Yeah.

earlier. Yeah. >> Which you can read all about in the Dome

>> Which you can read all about in the Dome

>> Which you can read all about in the Dome Files, aka 50 Shades of Sleigh, a memoir

Files, aka 50 Shades of Sleigh, a memoir

Files, aka 50 Shades of Sleigh, a memoir I've self-published based on my true

I've self-published based on my true

I've self-published based on my true erotic adventures.

erotic adventures.

erotic adventures. >> Oh, wow. Okay.

>> Oh, wow. Okay.

>> Oh, wow. Okay. >> Chapter 1. My campaign MANAGER'S WIFE.

>> Chapter 1. My campaign MANAGER'S WIFE.

>> Chapter 1. My campaign MANAGER'S WIFE. WHOA. I DID THAT. GOOGLE IT.

WHOA. I DID THAT. GOOGLE IT.

WHOA. I DID THAT. GOOGLE IT. I Are you worried about the midterm

I Are you worried about the midterm

I Are you worried about the midterm elections? Like, do you have a plan if

elections? Like, do you have a plan if

elections? Like, do you have a plan if Trump is to send ICE agents to our

Trump is to send ICE agents to our

Trump is to send ICE agents to our polling places here in California?

polling places here in California?

polling places here in California? >> If that happens, we are ready with a

>> If that happens, we are ready with a

>> If that happens, we are ready with a killer tactical response.

killer tactical response.

killer tactical response. >> Which is what exactly?

>> Which is what exactly?

>> Which is what exactly? >> I ordered 100,000 of these inflatable

>> I ordered 100,000 of these inflatable

>> I ordered 100,000 of these inflatable frog costumes.

frog costumes.

frog costumes. Is and that's all.

Is and that's all.

Is and that's all. Well, I mean, that's most of it.

Well, I mean, that's most of it.

Well, I mean, that's most of it. >> Okay.

>> Okay.

>> Okay. >> Oh, but also we're moving every polling

>> Oh, but also we're moving every polling

>> Oh, but also we're moving every polling place to higher elevation.

place to higher elevation.

place to higher elevation. >> Why? Well, most of those ice agents are

>> Why? Well, most of those ice agents are

>> Why? Well, most of those ice agents are too fat to go uphill.

too fat to go uphill.

too fat to go uphill. >> I mean, have you seen these guys? Fatty

>> I mean, have you seen these guys? Fatty

>> I mean, have you seen these guys? Fatty fatty 2x4 can't fit through the kitchen

fatty 2x4 can't fit through the kitchen

fatty 2x4 can't fit through the kitchen door.

door.

door. >> Do you think insult something their

>> Do you think insult something their

>> Do you think insult something their weight is really I mean

weight is really I mean

weight is really I mean >> Oh, hold up, Jimbo. Hold up. Don't get

>> Oh, hold up, Jimbo. Hold up. Don't get

>> Oh, hold up, Jimbo. Hold up. Don't get it twisted. I'm all for body positivity.

it twisted. I'm all for body positivity.

it twisted. I'm all for body positivity. And I got 34 three-ways to prove it. Oh,

And I got 34 three-ways to prove it. Oh,

And I got 34 three-ways to prove it. Oh, wait, wait, wait. I just realized

wait, wait, wait. I just realized

wait, wait, wait. I just realized something. If I've had 34 three-ways

something. If I've had 34 three-ways

something. If I've had 34 three-ways with two people, that's 68. Do you know

with two people, that's 68. Do you know

with two people, that's 68. Do you know what that makes me?

what that makes me?

what that makes me? >> No. 69.

>> No. 69.

>> No. 69. Yeah, that's my guy.

Yeah, that's my guy.

Yeah, that's my guy. >> Okay, Governor, what did you think about

>> Okay, Governor, what did you think about

>> Okay, Governor, what did you think about Trump's claim that the economy is going

Trump's claim that the economy is going

Trump's claim that the economy is going great?

great?

great? >> Well, I don't know about the rest of the

>> Well, I don't know about the rest of the

>> Well, I don't know about the rest of the country, but in Cali, the economy is

country, but in Cali, the economy is

country, but in Cali, the economy is booming. Did you know that we have a

booming. Did you know that we have a

booming. Did you know that we have a 100% employment rate among Adam

100% employment rate among Adam

100% employment rate among Adam Sandler's friends?

Sandler's friends?

Sandler's friends? >> No, I didn't know that.

>> No, I didn't know that.

>> No, I didn't know that. >> It only takes one overall deal with

>> It only takes one overall deal with

>> It only takes one overall deal with Netflix to feed and house a fully grown

Netflix to feed and house a fully grown

Netflix to feed and house a fully grown Rob Schneider for a whole year. I was

Rob Schneider for a whole year. I was

Rob Schneider for a whole year. I was not I didn't know they could even get to

not I didn't know they could even get to

not I didn't know they could even get to fully grown. But so okay, so since

fully grown. But so okay, so since

fully grown. But so okay, so since you're here giving the rebuttal, should

you're here giving the rebuttal, should

you're here giving the rebuttal, should we assume that your plan is to run for

we assume that your plan is to run for

we assume that your plan is to run for president?

president?

president? >> Whoa. What?

>> Whoa. What?

>> Whoa. What? >> Me?

>> Me?

>> Me? >> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. >> What? President? I mean, whoa, whoa.

>> What? President? I mean, whoa, whoa.

>> What? President? I mean, whoa, whoa. Jimmy. Jimmy.

Jimmy. Jimmy.

Jimmy. Jimmy. >> Kaboom. You're literally blowing my mind

>> Kaboom. You're literally blowing my mind

>> Kaboom. You're literally blowing my mind right.

right.

right. >> I'm sorry. I didn't mean to blow your

>> I'm sorry. I didn't mean to blow your

>> I'm sorry. I didn't mean to blow your mind.

mind.

mind. >> No, no, no. But I mean, look, if you say

>> No, no, no. But I mean, look, if you say

>> No, no, no. But I mean, look, if you say so.

so.

so. >> Well, I you know, I I'm not sure I make

>> Well, I you know, I I'm not sure I make

>> Well, I you know, I I'm not sure I make the decision.

the decision.

the decision. >> Well, it sounds like you do, Jimmy.

>> Well, it sounds like you do, Jimmy.

>> Well, it sounds like you do, Jimmy. >> I don't know. I mean, after all, I

>> I don't know. I mean, after all, I

>> I don't know. I mean, after all, I relate to real Americans.

relate to real Americans.

relate to real Americans. >> Yeah. Uh-huh.

>> Yeah. Uh-huh.

>> Yeah. Uh-huh. >> Here are your cruelty-free tofu

>> Here are your cruelty-free tofu

>> Here are your cruelty-free tofu croettes, Governor.

croettes, Governor.

croettes, Governor. >> Oh, sick.

>> Oh, sick.

>> Oh, sick. >> These are uh these are fully vegan.

>> These are uh these are fully vegan.

>> These are uh these are fully vegan. >> Uh-huh.

>> Uh-huh.

>> Uh-huh. >> No actual animals have been hurt.

>> No actual animals have been hurt.

>> No actual animals have been hurt. >> Okay, great.

>> Okay, great.

>> Okay, great. >> Yeah. Can I say a brief blessing?

>> Yeah. Can I say a brief blessing?

>> Yeah. Can I say a brief blessing? >> Yes. No, no, I don't know.

>> Yes. No, no, I don't know.

>> Yes. No, no, I don't know. >> No, no, no, no, no. Don't worry. It's

>> No, no, no, no, no. Don't worry. It's

>> No, no, no, no, no. Don't worry. It's non-denomination.

non-denomination.

non-denomination. >> Okay.

>> Okay.

>> Okay. >> Gracias for your sacrifice, you small

>> Gracias for your sacrifice, you small

>> Gracias for your sacrifice, you small little bean curds. And thank you for

little bean curds. And thank you for

little bean curds. And thank you for pairing so well with this stone cold

pairing so well with this stone cold

pairing so well with this stone cold bone chilled chard.

bone chilled chard.

bone chilled chard. >> Okay. Is that it? It's nice

>> Okay. Is that it? It's nice

>> Okay. Is that it? It's nice >> selfie.

>> selfie.

>> selfie. >> Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, come on. Yeah.

>> Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, come on. Yeah.

>> Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, come on. Yeah. Come on in here.

Come on in here.

Come on in here. >> Get two tickets on the gov train. Hey,

>> Get two tickets on the gov train. Hey,

>> Get two tickets on the gov train. Hey, do you ladies like sush?

do you ladies like sush?

do you ladies like sush? >> Oh well, here we go then. HERE'S TO

>> Oh well, here we go then. HERE'S TO

>> Oh well, here we go then. HERE'S TO NUMERO 350 IN THE THREE-WAY TRAIN.

NUMERO 350 IN THE THREE-WAY TRAIN.

NUMERO 350 IN THE THREE-WAY TRAIN. >> ALL RIGHT. Thank you, Governor. Thank

>> ALL RIGHT. Thank you, Governor. Thank

>> ALL RIGHT. Thank you, Governor. Thank you for that respon that thoughtful

you for that respon that thoughtful

you for that respon that thoughtful response.

response.

response. >> Thank you. Thank you.

>> Thank you. Thank you.

>> Thank you. Thank you. >> We've got a very good show tonight. We

>> We've got a very good show tonight. We

>> We've got a very good show tonight. We have music from Linda Perry. And we will

have music from Linda Perry. And we will

have music from Linda Perry. And we will be right back with the host of Pod Save

be right back with the host of Pod Save

be right back with the host of Pod Save America. Stick around.